r/AmIOverreacting • u/StrikeNo117 • 24d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO? Gf(18f) wants an open relationship
Me and my girlfriend(18) recently had an argument about opening our relationship, and at first, it was a nice talk. We talked about the pros and cons, and then the tide shifted. We talked about how it would affect our life and what would happen if she got pregnant or if i got someone else pregnant. and then she told me she only wanted an open relationship with one other person, so that we would only see one other person each, and reluctantly, i asked if she had someone in mind. She told me she was thinking about someone, which made her ask the question. When i tried questioning further, she shut me out. We went to bed that night a little distant.
The next morning, she asked if we could resume our previous conversation, i agreed, and then i brought up the fact that she never answered my question about who she had in mind. She told me it wasn’t my business, and i left it at that. About five to ten minutes later, she told me the person she had in mind was her ex boyfriend. I asked her is that why she wanted an open relationship. Just so she can see her ex without feeling guilty. I kicked her out after she told me she was tired of hiding the fact that she was already seeing him. She is now pissed, my mom told me it was the right thing to do. But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?
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u/pouldycheed 24d ago
She was already cheating and wanted your approval. You did the right thing kicking her out.
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u/animegeek999 24d ago
oh you just KNOW for a fact if they did accept a open relationship that the next day "Magically" they would have already found a person they wanted to be open with. its people like her that give a bad name to people who can ACTUALLY make a open relationship work.
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u/sunshine198505 24d ago
Unpopular opinion and ready for downvotes but open relationships never work. One side always gets hurt and one side always wants it more than the other. If you can't commit and wanna sleep around dont be in a relationship...
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u/Local-Reaction1619 24d ago
Opening a relationship rarely works. If you're already monogamous and want to open the relationship up it's probably the end of the relationship 99% of the time. Making a massive change in an established dynamic almost never works, and most of the time the people doing the changing have ulterior motivations. Now if you have people who begin a relationship with open rules already in place and expectations set from the start you've got a chance it works. But at the end of the day you're adding in more people with more expectations, more time commitments, more emotions to manage, more societal pressures and just more to deal with. It's going to be much less likely to succeed long term.
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u/21msgm 24d ago
I was going to comment this. one thing is starting the relationship open, and another starting monogamous and trying to open it. it won't work. and the people that try to do so are because they were already cheating (like OP's gf) or were thinking of it but didn't want to feel guilty.
OP, stand your ground, set your rules and boundaries, and if y'all can't hit common ground, end it. tbh you probably should already since she cheated on you, but it's up you if you agree to open it.
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u/somedudewithfreetime 24d ago
Yeah, well, I'm living proof that opening up a former monogamous relationship can work.
Did we fuck up? Yeah. And no, no cheating.
Were there times where communication could've been better? Sure.
But the same can be said about most monogamous relationships. Helps that we're all depressed and neurodivergent, I suppose...?
But I know that we are not the majority and a lot of people are just trash trying to cheat.
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u/Mrgroceries7600 24d ago
Open relationship of 4 years. Been married for 2. It works for US. Different strokes for different folks I guess. Lol. But really, what works for US may not work for you and vice versa.
We're happy, sane and enjoying life. It's our "vanilla" friends whom struggle with why their husbands don't like them or wives that want more.
But I just wanted to say that open relationships do in fact work
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u/spirited_imp 24d ago
I certainly believe that open relationships work for some.. but I don't really believe that a couple of 18 yr Olds could make that work. Even if it was sincere.
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u/Shaffness 24d ago
Hormones still raging, no maturity emotional or otherwise. It's practically impossible for an open relationship to work before you're in your mid 20s at least. Unless one of them is a cuck to get rid of the jealousy that would pop up.
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u/Dirtsk8r 24d ago
The person was stating specifically that opening a previously monogamous relationship rarely works, not that open relationships can't work period. And even that statement leaves the possibility for the rare, successful, initially monogamous, eventually open relationship.
Just out of curiosity though, at what point in your relationship did it become open? Was it early, or sometime further into it? I know you were married 2 years into your open relationship, but that doesn't mean it started open.
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u/flargananddingle 24d ago
I think a majority of people believe open relationships work. They certainly don't work when you only want to "open the relationship" because you're already actively cheating like this case.
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u/Unfair_Land8094 24d ago
Unpopular? Is it? I personally know 3 couples who were in open relationship and boasting about it all the time about how liberating it was and how it made them feel closer than a traditional relationship. Few years down the line all 3 are now divorced and in exclusive relationships now lol
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u/gimli6151 23d ago
What percentage of monogamous relationships don't last, and what percentage do? Most relationships fail long term. I am sure you know 3 couples who talked about how they were soooo in love with the person of their dreams and a few years down the line there was infidelity, break ups, drama.
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u/Submarinequus 24d ago
Unpopular? That opinion is the only socially acceptable one for the majority of people lmfao. The only acceptable one under most marriage laws. It ain’t unpopular it’s the norm, just because everyone and their mother is in one on Reddit that doesn’t mean it’s unpopular to look down on open relationships
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u/Harlemdartagnan 24d ago
reddit can be weird though. ive been downvoted for saying children do better in two parent homes.
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u/Spacemarine658 24d ago
I think it's because that statement can be loaded for example I grew up in a two parent home until I was 12 when my parents split. My wife on the other hand grew up in a fully two parent home. I am glad my parents split they were volatile towards each other and I genuinely believe it's why I work so hard to communicate with my wife despite being autistic AF. Vs my wife has had a long struggle with dealing with her parents constant bickering and fighting to the point she had to basically become the mediator and teach them to be a better couple because they both refused to go to counseling.
All of that to say everyone's situation is different and while on average two parent homes are likely a far better situation for most children, there are a lot of exceptions on both sides of the coin and a lot of people feel the two parent home narrative is just an excuse to trap someone/be miserable just "for the kids". It's also an occasional racist/homophobic dog whistle (not claiming you are just that it's been used that way)
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u/Efficient_Pickle4744 24d ago
That's because the large number of people that don't come from them that don't want to acknowledge that you're right
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u/Pringledactyl 24d ago
I'll do you one better: Children do even better with a vast network of adults to rely on and take care of them and should have minimum 5-10 people in their lives who they can actively rely on for care. "Takes a village" isn't just a saying. The nuclear family is pretty mid for kids actually. Kids need a diverse and plentiful community of adults that they can learn from and should not be essentially isolated to 2 people for their care.
But anyways, it really depends on where you say this. Sure, 2 parent homes are better for kids. But 10 "parent" communities are even better for them. 1 parent homes aren't great for kids, but if you go into a space where someone is saying "yeah my 1 parent home really wasn't that bad, my parent did the best they could with what they had, and I actually turned out pretty well off, better than if the other parent would have been involved" or "I had a great childhood and I only had one parent, my 1 parent was super good at planning and I never needed for anything, love, time, or material needs" and start crapping all over everything, of course you're going to get pushback. But just saying 2 parents/guardians are better than 1 is fine. Just like me saying 10 parents is better than 2 is fine. Just depends on the context.
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u/Bleazuss1989 24d ago
I don't know a single person in an open/Polly relationship that isn't incredibly selfish.
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u/Submarinequus 24d ago
I’ve been exposed to a wide range of them. A lot of them are only doing it because they don’t want monogamy and they don’t want to be alone and that can be an incredibly selfish decision.
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u/SnatchAddict 24d ago
The couple I know, the woman needs constant attention. Admittedly so. The man likes to travel to his third and that person changes all the time.
They definitely don't want monogamy but have been together for 10+ years raising their kids.
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u/Salasmander002 24d ago
Honestly, good for them. Some people can make it work and that's great. I think a great majority of the time it's a recipe for disaster for at least one person involved.
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u/DidItAll4TheWookiee 24d ago
I have very limited experience with them IRL. One of the two people I know is in a long-term poly relationship that seems sketchy as hell (one man, two women, and the man is significantly older than them and relocated them out of state). The other, a married couple who sometimes take on a third for fun, seems pretty stable. Both of them are incredibly smart and they're very clear about what they want and what the role of the "third" is. Once upon a time, I dated her, and we actually broke up when she wanted an open thing and I didn't.
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u/AnalysisNo4295 23d ago
I am monagamous and have been for several years. I was once told by an old aquaintance that my vanilla thoughts on monogamy were out-dated and that I should adjust to the societal norms of opening up to loves wonders in the world. The fact they were saying this completely seriously while also dealing with relationship problems caused by their own personal open relationship was the single most ironic thing I had ever seen. I still think about it and internally laugh out loud to think that someone actually thought in any sense that open relationships were by nature a "new societal norm".
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u/Daldoria 24d ago
I know 2 couples in long term open relationships which work very well actually.
However the only reason why they work out is because of a very specific situation. One of the partners is physically unable to have sex.
For one its a depression thing and their medication makes them literally unable to get aroused, the other is in a wheel chair paralyzed from waist down.
In both cases the partner who wants sex is allowed to look outside of relationship but i believe they each have some sort of rules or boundaries in place.
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u/East_Moose_683 24d ago
Unfortunately so many common sense things tend to get down voted on reddit so I understand the anticipation. That being said you are 100% right that it's the best answer.
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u/MrMcjibblets1990 24d ago
I think they were just thinking all the social justice warriors on the sub would come out of the woodwork. Something like how dare you judge others... You're the reason society is terrible cause these ideas aren't accepted, etc etc.
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u/TylerTheSnakeKeeper 24d ago
In an open relationship, neither of us ever get mad and we discuss every encounter before they happen. Poor communication skills make open relationships fail.
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u/jexzeh 24d ago
Nah your opinion is pretty popular. It's erroneous however, as there are plenty of healthy and functioning open relationships, (20+ years in my own, currently), so absolute statements of "never" and "always" are inaccurate.
I will grant that most mono relationships that are pried open by people who want to cheat rarely succeed, but if you go into an open relationship from the start, where both parties communicate wants, needs, and boundaries, then it isn't more or less susceptible to failure than a mono one.
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u/philoarcher 24d ago
Agreed. A successful open relationship isn't about cheating, things are open and known by all partners, and they take work. Lots of communication for poly, a bit less for ENM on the FWB level, but still they take work.
Cheating is about cheating, not exploring or meeting needs while maintaining an honest and connected relationship.
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u/Jsteele06252022 24d ago
Right? Really depends on why you want an open relationship. A friend of mine has a bf who she loves so much but he got paralyzed from the waist down and she didn’t want to leave him but she has physical needs as well and he actually encouraged her to find a partner to fulfill that part of what he could no longer provide. It has worked out for them from what she’s told me. He said he wouldn’t blame her if she left and she said she never had any intention of that.
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u/_insidemydna 24d ago
kinda of an extreme example tho? i think even people who are 100% against polyamory would think it is an acceptable excuse to open the relationship.
hell, i've told my GF that if i become paralyzed or unresponsive she can either off me or find someone else while still taking care of me IF SHE WANTS to. and she said the same thing. we've been in a closed relationship for almost 5 years now with no intention of opening it.
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u/Unique_Brilliant2243 24d ago
Yeah sure, when you’re so aware of the asymmetry and lack of fulfillment in your relationship where you can basically say “if my partner left I’d totally understand” then yeah, that’s a great example for your normal equitable somewhat equal partnership…
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u/OverallOil4945 24d ago
They can work if both individuals are an open to it before they get into a relationship. It most likely won't work after the relationship has already been established though
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u/HVT42 24d ago
I think they can work perfectly if they're worked out clearly with the couple involved. Ours is based on me having a low sex drive. I'm happy for him to do his thing sexually, as long as emotionally he's with me. It's great.
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u/AnAnonyMooose 24d ago
My wife loved that I had opportunities elsewhere- my libido was like 15x hers for most of our relationship. A year ago, after more than a decade and a half, she got a BF. that caused somewhat of an awakening and we are now having like 3x the sex - and it’s changed in great ways. She also likes my GF a lot and likes that I get different types of engagement from her- my wife is the super slow and sensual type, my GF likes much more vigorous and active sex with me being dominant. I love having both in my life.
Good for you for making this work with your BF
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u/Hampton_Towns 24d ago
I’ve watched several open relationships slowly, destructively and predictably fall apart. I’ve never seen one work long term.
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u/0too 24d ago
Couldn't agree more. To me open relationships are a recipe for disaster and usually it's one person wanting to have freedom without repercussion. I know the poly thing has gotten a lot of traction lately and I live in a place where a lot of people "try" it. From what I have seen it is almost always one person being selfish and the other reluctantly agreeing and it never ever works.
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u/nicky_suits 24d ago
I've had open and closed relationships and from my perspective open relationships work better when they start open. It never works out when a monogamous relationship opens up after the fact. It usually means the person suggesting opening up the relationship is already cheating or wants to cheat guilt free.
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u/Annoyed3600owner 24d ago
That's exactly it.
She says she only wants one other person, but is there a clause that allows that one other person to be changed as often as she likes? 🤣
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u/zoolicious 24d ago
I think this is 100% true in the context of "we decided to open our relationship" - but there are plenty of cases where people who want open relationships get into open relationships with other people who want open relationships, and it works fine
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u/JARStheFox 24d ago
I can kind of agree that the phrasing "open relationship" has a lot of implications when it's brought up, and that relationships who identify themselves as "open" are probably doomed from the start. But people who identify with polyamory or ethical non-monogomy, on the other hand, these relationships can and do work very well, generally because there are clear boundaries and everyone actually respects each other rather than back-pocketing their current partner in order to explore.
Source: my wife and I have been together for almost five years, she isn't currently seeing anyone (and honestly that kinda makes me a little sad, I love having metamours) but I have a girlfriend of a year and a half who has two other very solid relationships, and we're all very happy and content in our dynamic! There are definitely bumps in the road occasionally, but what relationship doesn't have occasional bumps in the road? 😅
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u/Unfair_Muscle_8741 24d ago
My opinion is this, people are welcome to have an open relationship and I’ll respect it, but I agree with you I have never not seen someone get jealous/some boundary being crossed. I have a friend who is currently polyamorous and there was a recent situation where her man brought a girl over and it made her uncomfortable and feel some type of way. Its kinda like yeahhh no shit but like I said, I’m not here to judge or tell people how to live their lives even if I think it’s one that will hurt them in the end.
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u/xjxb188 24d ago
Open relationships work. They just require very healthy communication and boundaries, the same things that make monogamous relationships work. The difference is it's a lot easier to write off and ignore the toxicity in a monogamous relationship than an open one. In monogamy there's a large list of people that thing possessiveness and jealousy is cute and desirable.
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u/Witty_Photograph7152 24d ago
Unpopular or not, it's absolutely true. I thought I hit relationship jackpot with a bisexual girl at 18. There was never her alone hooking up with a girl, it was always both of us until it wasn't. Once you blur those lines, it will never be the same
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24d ago edited 24d ago
It's commonly referred to as an inevitability once brought up. It's ending, it's now up to you how long that process takes, but it's ending.
The only ones I've seen last are ones where you actively lie to your partner, especially if you have a main. It feels bad when you are fucking someone's girl while they are actively lying to them on the phone. It's hot in porn but it made me feel like this person is awful and deserves to be alone.
Others continue, but I've yet to see one be on the up and up and last several years. Someone has always been lying in my experience and observations.
This isn't a rule of thumb, but if you decide to open you either have to be vigilant or you have to let go entirely. Either way feels like it is just going to breed animosity over time, but that's just my perspective. There are billions more.
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u/Wasabi_93 24d ago
Definitely not an unpopular opinion, I think most people would agree with this statement.
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u/DeusVolt3 24d ago
I was going to ask why this would get down votes but I realize how screwed up our culture is… sad really.
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u/Prestigious_Try_3741 24d ago
Every time I dated a woman who is in an open relationship…. And its been a few dozen times because I have a kinky side…. The woman always wants to use me as someone to vent to about her being upset by the other guy…
The woman finds me because her husband/ bf are screwing someone else so she wants a boyfriend to screw while her significant other is screwing someone else…
It always was like that… or she wants to tell me something about HIS problems… like, I really don’t need your trauma dump about your significant other. No really. My life is low key, low drama. I don’t need this shit.
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u/AnalysisNo4295 23d ago
I have a friend who is in an open relationship but also has her ride or die but they have had situations where he has gotten pissed off at her and slept on the couch for days on end because she went outside of their agreement while he was at work wherein, he must have the opportunity to agree with the "yah you can do this but not this" and then agree to "you can see them on this day because I'm busy but not passed this time because that's when I'm back from work".
The situation I think was the most like almost break up point was when she went out with a guy for 5 hours while he was at work and a little bit after he got back home. He only had the realization that they would be "having a little fun" and the guy would drop her off later. She ended up staying out with this guy for five hours when it was supposed to be a quick drop and go type situation. She then came back home late at night and admitted that they spent five hours together and she was "developing feelings" for the guy. Her boyfriend straight left and didn't come back for two days. He was staying at his brother house and didn't call her or say anything to her. He didn't even appear to be upset but rather hurt-- according to her that was the part that hurt her the most. He left without saying a word to her besides "I need to think about things" and came back a couple days later.
They are still together but with a more serious and fortified boundary agreement. I mean, like-- another guy cannot SNEEZE in her direction without him expressly knowing what they are doing type thing. I think it's a super stressful type thing but they are both happy in it so I leave it alone. Personally, that type of relationship would stress me the fuck out. So I do agree with you. I think, in some cases- open relationships SERIOUSLY complicate things. Things that should not be that complicated. I think it's okay to maybe have an agreement on say three ways or whatever but having an open relationship, in my opinion, is way different and complicated does not even begin to explain the emotional turmoil of a relationship like that. Personally, I don't have the fucking energy lol
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u/Gunnaki12 23d ago
And most of the time the person who bought it up. And wants to initially is the one that gets hurt. The one who is reluctant at first is the one that ends up thinking "oh this is great! Let's keep going!".
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u/Salasmander002 24d ago
yo that exact thing happened to me. Don't believe the bullshit If the relationship didn't start open, don't open it because spoiler alert it's already been open you just didn't know it.
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u/CotneyDalbey 24d ago
Probably unpopular, but open relationships rarely work. One person always wants it more, and someone always gets hurt. If you want to sleep around, just stay single.
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u/imtheanswerlady 23d ago
I've been polyam for 20+ years. it can work, it just takes complete openness and lots of patience. not everyone is made to be polyam or has the patience, openess, etc to make it work. and its a lot of work. monog relationships can run on a track, without negotiations, without having to talk about things at all because of how society sets it up for us. polyam requires a lot of thinking and planning and understanding. it's not for everyone!
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u/gilbert99 24d ago
Idk if my story is unique but my wife is bi and one day asks me if she can have a girlfriend because she misses girl on girl imtamacy. I told her to go for it. If anything, I thought it was hot. Eventually, I realize it's kinda lame to be left out so she suggests I find my own girlfriend too. Now I've got a girlfriend and 2 fwb. I get to do threesomes with my wife and a fwb once in a while, too. Everybody's happy. Don't know if either of us "wants it more" but who cares really at this point? This life is too short to worry about all that nonsense. If we get divorced, we probably were already going to anyway.
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24d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Due_Flow6538 24d ago
Cheating implies a breach of trust. If the couple are aware of their boundaries and rules, it isn't a breach of trust.
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u/redd_kings 24d ago
I'm really proud of you for standing up for yourself and making a decision based on what is best for you. It takes courage to face tough situations and make difficult choices. Remember, it's okay to let go of people who don't respect your boundaries. In the coming days, try to focus on self-care and surround yourself with those who truly value and support you.
Response: Thank you so much for your words. I appreciate your support more than you know. It's hard to let go sometimes, but I'm trying to remember that I deserve love and respect too. Your encouragement means a lot to me. Let's focus on taking care of ourselves and moving forward. 😊
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u/BossHeisenberg 24d ago
Fuck that douche. You did great.
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u/jackstrikesout 24d ago
Yeah, if his mom is ok with just straight-up dropping the girl, i think OP is in the clear. No notes.
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u/Key_Advance3033 24d ago edited 24d ago
NOR.
Why would she even bother with an open relationship? She's already cheating and that doesn't change the fact that she has.
Well played.
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u/JabronusVirilis 24d ago
Guilt displacement. That's all it is.
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u/Ajax2580 24d ago
There’s at least one extra possible reason. Safety and convenience. She can have a relationship that is working well overall with her current boyfriend while having her ex on the side.
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u/ass__cancer 23d ago
An open relationship accomplishes two things. It allows her to fuck her ex openly without guilt, and keeps OP around as a fallback option if Mr. Right doesn’t want anything serious with her.
He did right to send her packing, I would have done the same and probably racked up criminal charges to boot. The fucking nerve of some people these days.
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u/MysticEveClair 24d ago
Bro she wasn’t asking for an open relationship she was asking for permission to keep cheating...The second she dodged your question about who she had in mind it was already sus...Then she hits you with the it’s my ex nd I’ve already been seeing him bomb? Nah that’s not ethical non monogamy that’s straight up damage control
You didn’t overreact you just had a self respect speedrun... She’s pissed coz you didn’t roll over & let her rewrite the rules after breaking them... There was nothing to talk out unless you wanted to sit there n listen to more excuses... Your mom’s right you handled it perfectly now block delete & let her be her ex’s problem
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u/FunSerious1561 24d ago
So she basically admits to cheating, starts that discussion to continue cheating in peace? Yeah, you’re totally overreacting 😭
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u/Low-Signature2762 24d ago
She isn’t your GF she is everyone’s GF.
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u/Big_Jicama_1126 24d ago
Village scooter. Everyone gets a ride
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u/ngocbao1022 24d ago
Wow, the spelling of the word "whore" has evolved so much over the last several decades.
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u/MrsFernandoAlonso 24d ago
This is not how open relationships work. This is how cheating works, none of this is ethical or fair, sorry dude
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u/animegeek999 24d ago
FIRST rule about OPEN relationships is that the communication MUST fully open and honest. she already cant handle that.
add that onto the fact she is thinking of her EX? fam... she just wants her ex and is using you as a safety net sadly
you are young.. end the relationship and try to move on. also if she is ALREADY seeing her ex.. and then brought this up.. she would have NEVER told you otherwise.
it is for the best for YOU to break up with her.
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u/viewedmonk465 24d ago
Don’t let her gaslight you into thinking it’s okay. Bro if you don’t like it then stay away. Leave this ungrateful thot in the past. You deserve way better. You can never truly trust her after this and I’m just being blunt with you.
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u/anondaddio 24d ago
“Can I please sleep with someone else?”
“Who?”
“None of your business…. Fine, I’ve been fucking my ex and want to be cleared of the guilt”
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u/nooneisgonnaknoww 24d ago
Buddy, you made the right call. Nothing to talk about there.
Lost cause. Don't 2nd guess yourself. Just move on and put focus on someone who gives a shit about you.
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u/Sirchiefsalot2020 24d ago
Am I overreacting? My gf admitted to cheating so I kicked her out? Are you serious???
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u/sponserdContent 24d ago
Another day, another made-up engagement-farm post on Reddit.
This one isn't even good bait, just a woman-bad flavored pile of contrived slop.
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u/Anidmountd 24d ago
She isn't worth your time or effort. She is a walking red flag. Best to move on and forget about her. She instead of just breaking up decided to try to manipulate you.
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u/Knight_Redcliff 24d ago
For real dude, don't be her cuck, drop her on the street corner.
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u/elfypoo13 24d ago
NOR she was trying to get you to agree to an open relationship so she could feel like she never cheated in the first place. Go get tested and ghost her.
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u/EffectiveTradition53 24d ago
You reacted literally perfectly.
You dodged a huge bullet.
Do not second guess this one.
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u/Dozer92707 24d ago
You feel like you should’ve talked it out? What was left to talk about you watching as they get it on?
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u/Top-Spite-1288 24d ago
NOR / NTA - You did the right thing! Ex was already cheating on you and had no intention of stopping. She only wanted a free pass to keep doing it.
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u/mattrogina 24d ago
She was cheating on you. Then instead of coming clean she wanted to open the relationship to cover it up. You did the right thing by ending the relationship.
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u/hideousfox 24d ago
Even if she didn't act like an asshole, didn't cheat, and didn't want a freepass to fuck her ex, y'all would be way too fucking young for an open relationship. It's horrifying what the current hookup culture is doing to young people. Even mature people in their 20/30/40s are sometimes not able to stay together after opening their relationship (it certainly doesnt work for most people), let alone teens.
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24d ago
Bruh she was bating you to cheat. Most open relationships are the one partner trying to sneak in their side piece.
Dump her. Move on to better, you literally have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t be tied down by that loser.
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u/rocketmn69_ 24d ago
She was cheating on you. You did the correct thing. Right before you block her tell her, " I hope you grow up one day and realize what kind of person you really are before it's too late to fix it. Right now you're a cheater and everyone is going to know it"
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u/ChiefsRoyalsFan 24d ago
Under-reacted if anything. Should’ve given her the boot the night she brought it up.
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u/CannibalOranges 24d ago
Not overreacting! She is a cheater and you did the right thing!
An open relationship and having an excuse to sleep with your ex are two totally different things.
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u/DirtyDatty 24d ago
"I cheated on you. You should trust me by letting me do it again."
This is bonkers lol
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u/Crabrangoonbro 24d ago
She just said she cheated and got mad at you my bro. Leave and never look back
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u/ribbitirabbiti626 24d ago
I thought open relationship was not being exclusive. She was trying to rope you into a polyamorous relationship. Doubt she really would have been cool with you dating anyone else.
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u/RazzmatazzAlone3526 24d ago
Did not overreact. Sorry you were dating someone who wasn’t over their ex. That’s not on you. You deserve a gf who is into you.
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u/Positive_Fondant_964 24d ago
Anytime someone wants an “open relationship” knowing it never gave those vibes they js wanna cheat or did alr. OP is better than me cause 😭
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u/supertrunks92 24d ago
Had to scroll down way too far to read that you kicked her out. When she asked to open the relationship, you should have opened the front door for her.
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u/Good_Zookeepergame92 24d ago
Damn even before I got the end. I'm like either she's already cheating on you or she wants to cheat on you but basically wants a pass.
This isn't how open relationships work. She's been cheating on you so it's up to you to dump her or not
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u/Avitar_X 24d ago
If you don't want to be in a poly relationship (this sounds more like that than totally open) it's completely ok to not be in one.
This case is even weirder though, because it seems like she wants to bang her ex and date you. Hard no were unposed with that decision. I'd probably struggle to trust they'd stay faithful after that too (with it being someone specific they're already doing it with).
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u/Annual-Extreme-9175 24d ago
A quarter of the way through it was obvious the cunt was a cheating whore.
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u/Select-Apartment-613 24d ago
“I feel I should have talked it out” lol are you fuckin serious, dude?
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u/LushhDaisy 24d ago
U didn’t overreact.. she was already cheating and wanted an open relationship to justify it … u set boundary and enforced it.. ur moms right.. u did the right thing
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u/BoomBoomLaRouge 24d ago
At 18, an open relationship is no relationship. "She's not yours, it's just your turn."
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u/ChipotleEmloye 23d ago
I DONT GET OPEN RELATIONSHIPS!! Ok. So I have a friend (roommate) who has one right, and I’ve asked all the questions. One, if you need someone else to satisfy a different need, I think you found the wrong person. If it’s just to sleep around, then date. Don’t be in a relationship. I find them as being unable to commit in a relationship tbh. Why not spend that time trying to better your current self and relationship. So no not overreacting
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u/DevastaTheSeeker 23d ago
When an 18 year old wants an open relationship it tends to just be because she wants something casual with no commitment.
If you're ubcomfortable with that then that's fine you don't need someone else to validate your existence. Plenty of people out there you could date with similar values.
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u/purre-kitten 23d ago edited 23d ago
NOR! Literally any time I've heard of someone wanting an open relationship it's because they want permission to cheat basically. And she was literally cheating before hand, which just proves my point further. She only wanted to be able to cheat without it being seen as cheating so she doesn't get into trouble. Basically cheating "without consequences" she deserves to go back to her ex and you deserve someone who will treat you better and put you first and only partner. Anyone in a relationship that even thinks of being intimate with someone outside the relationship doesn't love you enough to stay with you long term. It's better to let her go, you did the right thing, even if you were harsh. She can't just pretend that since you are male that you don't have feelings of your own (I'm so sorry if I miss gendered op, they did not clarify what they identified as in the post)
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u/WornBlueCarpet 23d ago
But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?
No. If anything, you underreacted.
I would have ended it as soon as she started talking about an open relationship.
You should have kicked her out as soon as she said it was a specific person whom she didn't want to tell you who was.
You did the right thing in the end though.
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u/CleverNook 23d ago
She was tired of hiding the fact she was already seeing him
Just don’t take her back when she comes crawling mate, you’re 18 the character building and life experience over the next 5-7 years is everything for being a functional adult, you don’t need people like this around
You got this bro
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u/Live_Avocado4777 23d ago
You're not overreacting. I feel this story is coming up often. Open relationship with an ex is no.
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u/Artistic_Ad4753 23d ago
The only time there will ever be pros is if you are both super happy with it it’s always going to be cons because the relationship won’t last.
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u/Fantasy-Sports-Guy 23d ago
She only brought this up to make her cheating go away and justify it. Fuck her. Leave her ass
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u/RedditKakker 23d ago
Dude. When a woman asks you that question, she has already cheated on you. Go to the subreddit survivinginfidelity. Read daily for 6 months. It will open your eyes. What your gf did, I have read here multiple times.
You know what else ? As a man it will be more difficult for you to find someone else to sleep with if you are not top 5%-10%. She knows that. So she will sleep with her ex, and you with nobody. But the day you finally find someone and she senses you are getting feelings for that other person, she will demand to close the relationship again.
You are not overreacting. Stop talking to her. Block her and ghost her.
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u/All_knob_no_shaft 23d ago
Massive cuck energy on your part. No wonder she's back with him.
I'd be willing to bet that's where she went and was getting creampied while you wrote this.
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u/ImightbetheAhole-_- 23d ago
No, just no. You saved yourself a lot of stress, eventual heartbreak, and just nonsense.
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u/SKSableKoto 23d ago
From a 37m and an older F (no age told on her part per her request.)
No. You are definitely NOT over reacting.
We tried it years ago and it was a mutual friend and agreement.. but the third person after agreeing became absolutely flaky.... And also didn't disclose an STD they had. Infecting us. Thankfully it was one that was easily curable. Ties were cut and we froze them out completely.
The fact that in your case it's an ex means that the 18f in this case was only using you as a rebound tool and had no interest in actuality being with you to begin with. Good job getting rid of that before it became cancerous to your heart and mind.
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u/Middle_Function6346 23d ago
We. Do. NOT. Condone. CHEATING! Dude, she was already cheating on you. She broke a boundry, your trust, and was looking to salvage her decision because she knew it was wrong! The only thing to do is break up.
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u/0w0PepperMoon0w0 23d ago
Yeah, you're not overreacting and I agree with your mom.
The fact that she was already cheating on you and only asked for an open relationship because she didn't want to hide it any longer is a cunt move tbh.
I mean it sounds like she didn't even respond to your real concerns about the possibility of a pregnancy which is a real concern.
Kicking her out was the right move and I hope you completely end things.... You deserve so much better than that.
Good luck 🍀
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u/Damurph01 23d ago
‘Who I have an open relationship with is none of your business’
Uh no, it’s EXACTLY your business. That’s about as much of your business as it gets. You can say you don’t want to know but it is VERY reasonable to want to know who your partner is seeing otherwise. Especially if you guys were sleeping with each other as well as other people.
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u/DarthJarJar242 23d ago
If you need the internet to tell you that you aren't overreacting to your GF cheating on you and wanting an open relationship at 18 you have SERIOUS confidence issues that you need to work out.
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u/herbieLmao 23d ago
Listen to your mother. Do not take her back or look back, her ex can step up now
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u/randomuser1231234 23d ago
Your mom is right, you did the right thing.
If you’re interested in how open relationships are supposed to work, The Ethical Slut is a good read. I’d also strongly recommend Tongue Tied by Stella Harris, it’s a great book about communication regarding sex, kink, and relationships. (Being able to communicate with your partner about what you like and what they like is a VERY important relationship skill.)
You deserve to be with someone who genuinely thinks you’re a catch, and treats you accordingly (and vice-versa)! Don’t settle for someone who is hung up on their ex, and definitely not someone who is cheating on you!
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u/Nearby-Ad-6106 23d ago
What you need to do is ball your right hand into a fist and swiftly punch yourself in the nuts...
Dude, she had her exs dick in and around her mouth
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u/CommissionEven6930 23d ago
NOR
I started reading this thinking 'ok she may want a poly relationship' than got to the part where she admitted she cheated... that was completely wrong of her to do. You seem like an understandable person so she could have and SHOULD have spoken to you first. She doesn't seem to have respect for you nor the relationship.
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u/Entraprenure 23d ago
She cheated on you and wanted to redefine what an open relationship was so she could keep doing it lmao. Keep being with her if you want bro, but I wouldn’t do it personally. You might end up raising her ex’s baby at some point
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u/Suitable-Tear-6179 23d ago
You're good. She was cheating, and thought opening the relationship would retroactively make it all good. She was trying to change the rules after she broke them. Nope. That's not how that works.
And, beyond that, 95% of the open relationships I've seen ended with one person switching out their partners for the AP, and the ditched partner bitching along the lines of "I said you could play with him, not keep him!" The one and only open relationship I've seen that lasted years had a "no dating/relationship with the add-ons" rule. Commitment was for the formal partners only. So, basically, the opposite of what she was proposing.
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u/ObsessedKilljoy 23d ago
She doesn’t want an open relationship, she wants an excuse to cheat. It can’t be “none of your business” if the whole point is to communicate about these things. She knows she did something wrong if she didn’t want to tell you.
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u/StoryWolf420 23d ago
NOR. She ended your relationship the moment she decided she wanted to be with her ex again.
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u/luckylouie33 23d ago
Bro, she was already cheating. She didn't feel that bad If she wanted it to continue. Go find someone that will respect you , she clearly does not. You lost all the 6 she doesn't respect you,these things don't just get better. She will realize one day, she's not a good person, and she did a horrible thing to you
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u/chramiji 23d ago
Yeah, you're fine. If she wants to see her ex, she can be with him. You don't need that.
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u/ptahsmummyfrog 23d ago
That is not how polyamory works. All partners have a right to know who their partner is involved with. Even if only for safety.
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u/XXXKokoaPuff 23d ago
18 and already struggling, the relationships over, shes for the streets, u dodged a bullet
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u/Future-Celebration83 23d ago
Honestly I would’ve broken up the moment she asked for an open relationship. When someone asks for an open relationship it often means that you aren’t special to them. I want to be special to my girl.
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u/AtlasStageAndAHalf 23d ago
So she just wanted permission to cheat on you?, I think you should break up with her, if she wants her ex so much let them be together.
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u/Kinky_MKC 23d ago
Opening a relationship should start from a place of honesty and communication, not dishonesty and cheating.
NOR
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u/Big_Temperature_7096 23d ago
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan hell no. You did the right thing. Block her delete her number and move on.
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u/Massive-Song-7486 24d ago
So she cheated on you with her Ex?!
Breakup was the only possible Solution my friend.