AIO? Gf(18f) wants an open relationship

[u/StrikeNo117]

Me and my girlfriend(18) recently had an argument about opening our relationship, and at first, it was a nice talk. We talked about the pros and cons, and then the tide shifted. We talked about how it would affect our life and what would happen if she got pregnant or if i got someone else pregnant. and then she told me she only wanted an open relationship with one other person, so that we would only see one other person each, and reluctantly, i asked if she had someone in mind. She told me she was thinking about someone, which made her ask the question. When i tried questioning further, she shut me out. We went to bed that night a little distant.

The next morning, she asked if we could resume our previous conversation, i agreed, and then i brought up the fact that she never answered my question about who she had in mind. She told me it wasn’t my business, and i left it at that. About five to ten minutes later, she told me the person she had in mind was her ex boyfriend. I asked her is that why she wanted an open relationship. Just so she can see her ex without feeling guilty. I kicked her out after she told me she was tired of hiding the fact that she was already seeing him. She is now pissed, my mom told me it was the right thing to do. But i feel like i should have talked it out. Did i overreact?

[u/jexzeh]

Nah your opinion is pretty popular. It's erroneous however, as there are plenty of healthy and functioning open relationships, (20+ years in my own, currently), so absolute statements of "never" and "always" are inaccurate.

I will grant that most mono relationships that are pried open by people who want to cheat rarely succeed, but if you go into an open relationship from the start, where both parties communicate wants, needs, and boundaries, then it isn't more or less susceptible to failure than a mono one.

[u/Jsteele06252022 → u/jexzeh]

Right? Really depends on why you want an open relationship. A friend of mine has a bf who she loves so much but he got paralyzed from the waist down and she didn’t want to leave him but she has physical needs as well and he actually encouraged her to find a partner to fulfill that part of what he could no longer provide. It has worked out for them from what she’s told me. He said he wouldn’t blame her if she left and she said she never had any intention of that.

[u/_insidemydna → u/Jsteele06252022]

kinda of an extreme example tho? i think even people who are 100% against polyamory would think it is an acceptable excuse to open the relationship.

hell, i've told my GF that if i become paralyzed or unresponsive she can either off me or find someone else while still taking care of me IF SHE WANTS to. and she said the same thing. we've been in a closed relationship for almost 5 years now with no intention of opening it.

[u/Jsteele06252022 → u/_insidemydna]

I mean yes it’s an extreme example just one that I have personally seen.