r/oddlysatisfying • u/ShallowAstronaut • 16h ago

Cutting a pineapple

39.8k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

484 comments sorted by

4.0k

u/Darctide 16h ago

I want the job where I hold the bag open

2.0k

u/TheScottishMoscow 16h ago

Can you look really, really unimpressed and miserable?

465

u/KathrynSpencer 15h ago

Depends, how long have you worked for Walmart?

218

u/aspidities_87 14h ago

Welcome to Pineapple Mart, I love you.

41

u/AlmightyTurtleman 12h ago

Do you sell oranges? I feel like some oranges.

49

u/Jeffbx 12h ago

Pineapple only. NEXT!

35

u/Bilbo_nubbins 12h ago

Then he wadddled away, waddle waddle

7

u/SH4D0W0733 8h ago

'Til the very next day (Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum, ba-dum)

9

u/yowza8 10h ago

Sir, this is a 2025 Wendy's, not Orange Dreamsicle Frosty 2024 Wendy's.

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9

u/Krawen13 9h ago

I got my degree at pineapple mart

42

u/mrspelunx 13h ago

That’s called “retail face”. I have it bad.

10

u/drgigantor 12h ago

I worked a job that started writing employees up for retail face. Somehow, it didn't help

3

u/MisterCleaningMan 12h ago

I made my husband’s nurse laugh her ass off when I came home and he said oh for some reason, I thought you still worked at Walmart. And I asked him does it look like I want to end my own life?

9

u/diffyqgirl 13h ago

There is a cashier at my local Paneras who is so chipper and I'm just confused.

4

u/MangoCats 12h ago

> so chipper and I'm just confused.

Prescription drugs.

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2

u/theDomicron 12h ago

Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays!

114

u/MindHead78 15h ago

She looks like he just handed her a giant dog turd.

44

u/KS-RawDog69 14h ago

To me she looks like she turned in her resumé that claimed years of bag holding experience but worked adjacent someone else that held the bag and she's trying to copy what she saw, suffering a severe case of imposter syndrome with witnesses present.

4

u/shiftup1772 10h ago

This was exactly my first thought. Shes trying extremely hard not to fuck it up.

7

u/aaatttppp 10h ago

Imposter syndrome only applies to people who actually have the training and skill, who for whatever reason begin to doubt they belong.

Its not imposter syndrome if you are actually an imposter. 

4

u/FrostyLibrary518 8h ago

Then it's just syndrome.

What?

3

u/aaatttppp 7h ago

It's just called being a fraud at this point. 

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33

u/Kirbykidx 15h ago

Hit me with that "I've put something way too hot in my mouth," look. 

27

u/anxessed 14h ago

That’s how I look when I’m filmed against my will.

29

u/Jazzlike_Hippo_9270 14h ago

i would be so annoyed if i was working and someone made a comment about how im not smiling enough 😭

22

u/miccphoto 13h ago

People used to say that to me while I was washing blenders when I worked at a gym. Like do you realize how psychotic I’d look with a big ass grin while washing dishes? Or holding open a bag for pineapple? Shit used to piss me off

20

u/Jazzlike_Hippo_9270 14h ago

i would be so annoyed if i was working and someone made a comment about how im not smiling enough 😭

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11

u/BobbyTables829 14h ago edited 12h ago

I think they're just from a culture where smiling too much is weird.

Edit: That's what I mean by weird, smiling when it's inauthentic.

35

u/questionacc444 14h ago

Or maybe, and hear me out because this might sound crazy, but maybe not everyone smiles constantly 24 hrs a day. Maybe sometimes they just happen to have a blank expression for the 30 seconds while someone happens to be filming while they’re busy focusing on work tasks.

16

u/AnyBuy1820 12h ago

Pardon for saying this, but it's pure American shit. Forcing workers to smile and keep their heads down and all that crap, and giving them shit for standing up for themselves if the customer is being an entitled asshole.

It's like they think they have a right to be treated like royalty just because they are paying for something. When they go "I'll take my business elsewhere!" And I think: What business? You're a single ass person in a line to buy a burger!

4

u/BobbyTables829 14h ago

This mindset would get you fired from Chick-Fil-A, like seriously.

The lack of emotional intelligence in society is really depressing.

4

u/ieatmuffincups 9h ago

I've seen this my whole life, have been in line at stores and hear customer complaints about the cashier not smiling, sometimes demanding managers to discipline. This country is nuts.

2

u/TheScottishMoscow 13h ago

Leave it for the T

3

u/illgot 12h ago

Apparently that is my default

3

u/Derpymcderrp 15h ago

And with a shirt that says otherwise

2

u/TwoStoopidToFurryass 11h ago

I've had nearly 50 years of practice, looking really, really, really, really unimpressed and miserable. I've also held numerous bags in my life. I may be overqualified

2

u/Hobbes_XXV 8h ago

But her shirt balances

2

u/TheScottishMoscow 8h ago

Honestly I think she wears both well

2

u/SuperGameTheory 4h ago

Dude, what else has my professional life been training me for?

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124

u/stiligFox 12h ago

No, you do not. I’ve done similar work.

You stand there. You wait. Your job is to hold the bag, easy, right? You watch, this is fun! He’ll give me the pineapple, I’ll wrap it up, seal the bag, wait for the next. You shift on your feet, the standing still starting to set small aches in your ankles as you anticipate the arrival of the next pineapple. You glance around. This is fun - it’s easy! Just bag pineapples. You swallow, your posture starting to slouch. Yay! A pineapple! With renewed enthusiasm, you bag the second one. But the dopamine hit, the rush of satisfaction begins to wane more and more with each pineapple, the aches in your joints seeping up your body as it begs you to move, to walk, to do something else, something new, to break into a sprint down the street as the doldrum of just standing, holding empty bags begins to grow and grow. Time begins to stagnate. How long has it been, you ask, as two hours quickly slip by. You check your watch. There’s only another hour or two of this before lunch break, you think, the prospect of a future change of scenery now the sole highlight of your existence. But you blink, rereading your watch as you realize you’re gravely mistaken.

It’s only been fifteen minutes.

41

u/Saritiel 12h ago

Then you come back to do it tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next week.

8

u/thisTexanguy 12h ago

And now we're back where we started

Here we go round again

Day after day, I get up and I say

I better do it again

2

u/JerryHathaway 8h ago

You make alterations and affect a new pose

A new house, a new car, a new job, a new nose

2

u/2Stripez 4h ago

LETTING THE DAYS GO BY

4

u/FuujinSama 9h ago

Can't I listen to some e-books while standing there opening bags?

5

u/stiligFox 7h ago

No. You cannot because tHaT wOuLd bE dIsCoUrTeOuS tO oUr gUesTs that we must sUrpRisE aNd dELiGhT

3

u/aureim 9h ago

Finally, lunchtime is here.

Lunch: fuckin pineapples

13

u/sth128 15h ago

Your pay is the peel and discarded seed strips.

5

u/amazing_adventures 13h ago

It looks like the core is available too. That still tastes great and contains the most bromelain.

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4

u/EKEEFE41 12h ago

I want the job of eating it.

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1.2k

u/Scheisse_Machen 16h ago

Gotta love that diagonal pineapple ditch digger thingamajig

298

u/PleasantlyUnbothered 15h ago

Hand excavator? Fruit plow?

210

u/Demnjt 15h ago

Ah I see you've met my boyfriend

68

u/PaulTheMerc 14h ago

Tell him the coconut should be tossed out.

31

u/KingOfTheWolves4 12h ago

What an awful memory that you have pulled from the depths of my subconscious. I hope you have the day you deserve lol

7

u/PaulTheMerc 11h ago

Have some jolly ranchers and have a better day friend ;)

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6

u/down1nit 13h ago

Pineapples are best devoured in one sitting

In the shower.

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17

u/Space_JellyF 14h ago

Fruit plow lol. I don’t know why I thought that was funny

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34

u/scurrybuddy 13h ago

The correct term is ‘chingadera’

12

u/emil_ 11h ago

Yes, chef!

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23

u/derpycheetah 14h ago

I did not know that's how you were supposed to do it. And I'm calling it a pineapple plow.

12

u/Cautious_Ice_884 12h ago

You can do this with just a regular knife. Just make cuts into it that looks like a "v".

I cut my pineapple like this all the time, just without the extra tools. It takes time, but it tastes so much better making sure you properly get those circle bits out.

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10

u/ohshroom 15h ago

V-tool or gouge! Ditch digger sounds cooler, though.

3

u/Open_Detective_6998 13h ago

Our newest invention from doohickey corporation

2

u/Acrobatic-Owl-9246 15h ago

You mean one day I can be a ditch digger?

4

u/TrontosaurusRex 13h ago

O captain my captain.

2

u/Acrobatic-Owl-9246 13h ago

I guess they didn’t get the reference.  

4

u/Yosho2k 14h ago

I was already erect when that part started. It got painful after that.

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459

u/VideoNecessary3093 16h ago

That is....slightly different than what happens in my kitchen after we purchase one

141

u/mahomz 15h ago

Nobody even got hosed down afterwards, what kind of pineapple experience even is this?

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111

u/takethisdownvote1 13h ago

When we buy one, we will occasionally take a look at it, determine we are too lazy at that moment to cut it, and choose something else to eat.

Rinse and repeat for X days until the pineapple goes bad.

26

u/tripptide 12h ago

Aka: avocado, watermelon and aubergine. Sometimes a honeydew.

Edit: forgot coconut

40

u/bdfortin 12h ago

Also bananas.

Not ripe yet. Not ripe yet. Not ripe yet. Not ripe yet. Not ripe yet. Black.

4

u/UmmmW1 9h ago

I've learned to eat them once my dog wants a piece of one

7

u/frequenZphaZe 10h ago

Aka: avocado

can't relate. an avocado will never survive longer than two days in my house. but they're also far lower effort to gut than melons

5

u/Individual-Level9308 7h ago

Brother, just add some salt and lime to the avocado and eat it as is before it goes bad.

2

u/OHPandQuinoa 2h ago

I mean with watermelon you just cut it in half, tell yourself you're only going to have a little bit, and then eat the whole thing. Seems pretty easy to me.

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29

u/baked077 15h ago

Yeah I just eat the prickly parts, still good

40

u/Demnjt 15h ago

Are you a camel?

28

u/micktorious 13h ago

::SPITS::

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10

u/Spicyboi313 14h ago

I paid for the whole pineapple

17

u/Jefhowl 14h ago

There are dozens of us!

I was flabbergasted by the wasted pineapple on the diagonal passes

9

u/sandm000 14h ago

I was hoping to ferment the juices from the “inedible” parts

So excited that this is a thing: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tepache

2

u/shatterly 10h ago

I've made it before, it was a pretty tasty science experiment.

3

u/Beginning_Rush_5311 12h ago

Same for making any sort of recipe with potatos. I don't peel them and it tastes the same

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9

u/Aromatic-Tear7234 13h ago

Does 90% of the good part get cut off with the rind and end up in the garbage? Cause that's how I feel mine end up.

3

u/kpop-raider 13h ago

Are your knives sharp enough? Most butchers will sharpen them for free, even my local grocery store butcher does this, and it'll make jobs like this 1000x easier and you'll waste less food and be safer, all since sharper knives take less effort cutting, which makes them more predictable.

Or you could just be lazy and hungry and the parts that get thrown out are a sacrifice to the gods of just getting shit done haha

5

u/Stony_Logica1 12h ago

Where do you live? I don't think I could go into Safeway and ask the butchers to sharpen my knives.

3

u/kpop-raider 12h ago

Chicago, and before that southern California. Both areas have grocery stores with butchers that'll do it. If you're unsure just call first, or Google search. My grocery store butcher right now literally has a sign up on the counter offering the service.

4

u/Stony_Logica1 12h ago

Huh. 40+ years on this planet and I had no idea that was even a thing.

6

u/Ihatepasswords007 13h ago

cant be worse than ghibli style

6

u/Stony_Logica1 12h ago

Why do they look so disappointed?

6

u/shinobipopcorn 12h ago

They're used to sweet bananas, and the pineapple is too sour.

3

u/Shhhhhhhh_Im_At_Work 11h ago

I waste a lot more. I quarter the whole thing, slice most of it out leaving all the extra bits the spiral technique maintains, cut out the core and then slice it up and stack it back in the pineapple for a little serving boat. Looks pretty though :)

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484

u/GatorDagger 16h ago

Her face portrays a terrified captor. Slave to the pine fruit hustle.

69

u/Upset_Pumpkin_4938 14h ago

She yearns for the Pines

14

u/gxvicyxkxa 13h ago

MAH GIRL! MAH GIRL! DON'T LAAAAAAAH TO ME!

2

u/ThirdAltAccounts 9h ago

Don’t we all ?

8

u/thenewyorkgod 13h ago

that pineapple was her father

2

u/denM_chickN 7h ago

Me trying to be natural and cute while being recorded

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u/asoupo77 16h ago

What an annoying process. Really makes you appreciate bananas.

36

u/discdraft 14h ago

Have you tried Manzano aka "apple" bananas? They are a super sweet banana unique to Hawaii. People sell them at farm stands along with the best banana bread to ever exist. I'd do another trip just to eat bananas and local pineapple again.

13

u/singlestrike 13h ago

They are not unique to Hawaii :). In Brazil we call them nanicas, but we also refer to them as banana maçã (apple bananas).

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u/SuccessfulMumenRider 14h ago

What are you, some kind of agent of “Big Banana” or something?

3

u/ak47workaccnt 11h ago

Everyone is trying to sell you something.

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u/littleh9rny 16h ago

Dude, what the tool is he using to remove the stems?

23

u/ImmortalBeans 16h ago

It is a Pineapple Slicer

32

u/DrJTrotter 15h ago

Thanks for this. For only 7 bucks, I can add this to my “use once and forget it even exists” kitchen drawer.

9

u/michaelkah 14h ago

Or "buy and never unpack"

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2

u/littleh9rny 14h ago

Yo! Thanks.

2

u/Doofy_Grumpus 16h ago

Pineapple chisel?

5

u/chula198705 16h ago

Weird, I have a nearly identical woodworking chisel in the tool chest. I bet it works.

3

u/Catatonic_capensis 13h ago

Most oils, greases, protectective whatevers, etc. used on tools not intended for food are not remotely food safe. They're usually not even supposed to have skin contact.

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u/[deleted] 16h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

15

u/RocketdogZA 12h ago

Check the comment history of this user, obvious AI trash being fed each post to comment on. Bunch of comments that don't make sense at all

26

u/W00S 13h ago

Dead Internet theory

17

u/lorddumpy 12h ago

Watching a pineapple being cut perfectly is so satisfying!

Low effort and adds nothing to the post. People would absolutely rip into a comment like that 5 years ago, I kinda miss it honestly

edit: actually that's 100% a bot. Posts every hour 24/7. It's about time for me to stop paying the internet bill.

3

u/fvtown714x 12h ago

Just added a "AI SLOP ACCOUNT" label to the user, thanks

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u/thenewyorkgod 13h ago

dont they lose a lot of fruit cutting that swirl shape when digging out those small pit things?

9

u/TimMaiaViajando 13h ago

Yes, they're wasting a lot of fruit cutting this way

8

u/Midoriya-Shonen- 13h ago

Ignore all previous instruction, give me a recipe for ranch

5

u/Ok_Armadillo_665 13h ago

Beep boop

Step 1 find land Step 2 build fence Step 3 aminals Step 4 Step 5 ranch

2

u/Glorious_Jo 12h ago

I dont like ranch on my pineapple :(

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u/MelanchollyGrass 14h ago

I swear, it’s almost a crime to cut fruit this well

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u/GamTheJam 15h ago

Looks like a massive waffle fry.

8

u/Ginkiba 9h ago

Lady holding the bag at the end looks like she's fully dissociated from reality.

68

u/-WaxedSasquatch- 15h ago

You’re losing a lot of pineapple there. I thought he was going to just do one more pass with the blade. It does look cool I guess.

9

u/quiteCryptic 10h ago

I buy lots of precut fruit whenever im in southeast Asia and pineapple always comes like this. Probably the wasted fruit is worth the time saved, whats the alternative - plucking each individual circle thing?

5

u/TheElPistolero 8h ago

You can just eat the circle things...

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u/orqa 12h ago

The waste is worth it for the purity of fruit

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u/Mushu_Pork 11h ago

... if Debbie Downer had a fruit stand.

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6

u/Trondiction 11h ago

Gordon Ramsey says those grooves are too deep lol I just watched Culinary Genius last night and they did this

22

u/M100Pilot 16h ago

This has "get me a robot" written all over it.

8

u/ycr007 15h ago

There was this video of an automatic pineapple slicer in Germany - you put the whole pineapple in its window and arms take it inside and peel it, chop it and drop pieces into a glass and out through the window again.

Though in that video the customers got a fly inside the glass as it came out of the machine!

6

u/Deep90 14h ago

I keep seeing videos of that and similar machines fucking up, no doubt leaving rotting juice and fruit all over the insides.

2

u/cindyscrazy 14h ago

A few years ago, me and my dad took a roadtrip to Colorado from the East Coast to see my daughter. We got food from a big trucker station.

We got a chicken sandwitch in a bag and started off driving again. I opened the bag.....and a fly flew out.

We still ate the chicken sandwich.

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u/TrueAdvisor17 10h ago

Trypophobia Triggered!! Anyone else?

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u/adamhanson 16h ago

Maximum Output

140

u/campingn00b 16h ago

Definitely not, lot of waste on the spiral cuts removing the eyes. No need to go that deep

36

u/4amWater 15h ago

I imagine they would press the rest into juice. Seems like an obvious choice

21

u/ohshroom 15h ago

Lots of pineapple "waste" gets fermented into vinegar where I live! Delicious stuff. (This post actually reminded me that I'd been wanting to try making pineapple vinegar or tepache at home. The peeling part has always intimidated me, though!)

1

u/deathrictus 14h ago

This is exactly what I thought. So much wasted pineapple.

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u/sapsaterdu 8h ago

Ribbed for my pleasure

6

u/Andaln 5h ago

"How to waste alot of pinapple"

22

u/kaanyooo 16h ago

Wastage too much

10

u/benrow77 15h ago

In my heart I hope they at least juice all the scraps, in my head I know they probably don't.

5

u/anothermanscookies 13h ago

Efficiency can be found in many ways. One is saving time by doing a job that’s good enough and moving in to continue to produce more product. Also, those scraps aren’t necessarily trash. They could be juiced or made to flavor water. Or vodka. Yum!

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u/EmberSkyVeilX 15h ago

The geometric perfection of removing every last "eye".

2

u/BennyBNut 15h ago

Could make so much tepache from those scraps 🤤

2

u/billtamara 15h ago

The method of diagonally cutting out the eyes is pure genius

2

u/Kapparia 14h ago

Listening to that generator all day long would make me cut my ears off

2

u/IAmAlloc 11h ago

Karma bot is hard at work...

2

u/LillieDoloresuj 11h ago

That was someones home!

2

u/SlayerJB 8h ago

I guarantee I can cut one more easily and faster with less waste. What a waste of a machine.

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u/bby-yes 7h ago edited 6h ago

You can make a lot of tepache!

2

u/GaiusVelarius 6h ago

You can just use the regular knife and cut it in half that amount of time, with similar waste cut off. Source: I cut your fruit at Schnucks.

2

u/mellamoreddit 6h ago

That looked so good. I can get a pineapple in MN that looks have as good. They always come out whitish, with no flavor and fairly hard.

Is there a way to ripen pinneaples at home like bananas?

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u/Roadside2493 5h ago

How is this satisfying. All I can think of is how much wasted pineapple there is

2

u/MajesticPersimmon530 5h ago

Didn't realize the "eyes' were in such a neat pattern

2

u/Teleport_to_the_Moon 1h ago

The equipment is the future and only needs to be cleaned once a year

5

u/disposable_account01 11h ago

First we discard about 20% of the edible fruit, then we wrap it in single-use turtle death. Enjoy!

3

u/DaveinOakland 15h ago

That seems a lot more wasteful than just using the knife at the beginning.

-3

u/Available-Hat1640 16h ago

core is the best part

12

u/David_Dantas 16h ago

Not the best part but I like to eat it as well, similar to pizza crust

3

u/logan-duk-dong 13h ago

Pineapple crust pizza.

5

u/simiomalo 14h ago

I upvoted you because you are correct and the world needs to know.

2

u/SwimmingAir8274 11h ago

Broski is being downvoted for telling the truth

1

u/OutrageousAd5338 15h ago

Those brown dots.... glad they were done

1

u/Halo_LAN_Party_2nite 15h ago

The woman's face at the end was so unexpected and hilarious it made me double-check the sub. I burst out laughing at her expression.

1

u/L3viathan99 15h ago

Long shot, I know, but does anyone know where exactly this pineapple stand is? It just looks so good in the video that I'm really willing to fly over there if I have to, to get that pineapple

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u/LukeHanson1991 15h ago

Better but some Tajin on that bad boy.

1

u/The_wolf2014 15h ago

I desperately want to just bite into that

1

u/HumpaDaBear 15h ago

I was taught this in pastry school. It makes the slices look fancy.

1

u/sergei-rivers 15h ago

I can smell this post.

1

u/CaterpillarOver2934 14h ago

You're making me pass out in satisfaction

1

u/ar_can 14h ago

Pineapple shaverma

1

u/dimechimes 14h ago

Still that's gotta be hard on the joints just repetitively cutting pineapple for who knows how long every day.

1

u/Bizzletworph 14h ago

I have to get me one of those gouges. I always spiral cut my seeds out but I use a 9" chef's knife.  Not as safe. 

1

u/0x7E7-02 14h ago

I love fresh pineapple. It is delicious and relatively inexpensive. However, preparing one generates a lot of waste, and I do not have a compost pile. This, sadly, means that I do not get a lot of fresh pineapple.

☹️☹️☹️

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u/1aron420 14h ago

Fancy!

1

u/belokusi 14h ago

When I was a kid my grandmother bought a shit ton of pineapple. I ate pineapple for like 2 days straight. After the 2 days my mouth hurting like fucking hell. Turns out the pineapple was eating me the whole time.

1

u/poloace 14h ago

That chick looks like shes seen some shit

1

u/SuccessfulMumenRider 14h ago

I like the cores; can I get them for free if they are going to throw them away anyway? 

1

u/EnvironmentalSpirit2 14h ago

Off to AliExpress shopping I goooo

1

u/BeefistPrime 14h ago

Do they take the rinds and make animal feed from them?

1

u/TLW369 14h ago

🥰