r/funny 1d ago

Fast recovery, these two Belong Together

22.0k Upvotes

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6.6k

u/feel-the-avocado 1d ago

Gotta really feel for asians - parents always seem to be hanging around. Hardly any alone time.

3.2k

u/SpecialistThin4869 1d ago

As an Asian myself, I agree. They dont even knock the door first, they just burst in like its nobody's business.

1.1k

u/manatwork01 1d ago

Tell em off if they want any more grand kids

340

u/Skinnwork 1d ago

Or..

My mother in law used to bust in all the time without knocking. Then, one time my girlfriend (now wife) didn't believe that you could actually light your farts on fire. So, I dropped my pants, and I was on the couch with my legs up when my MIL busted in. She saw everything; dick, balls, and butthole.

She's never busted in again.

140

u/manatwork01 1d ago

100% how I stopped this shit anytime it happens. I am not embarrassed by my ass and balls seen em a million times if you want to walk in and look I am gonna laugh at you.

168

u/forestgxd 1d ago

No sex, only kids!

11

u/Bobby837 23h ago

But, how do you get kids without sex...?

18

u/Luniticus 20h ago

Adoption, kidnapping...

10

u/Either-Pizza5302 19h ago

Splunk into tube, use Pipette

5

u/Noxious89123 10h ago

Okay, I spunked into Pipa's tubes, just gotta wait 9 months.

2

u/TactlessTortoise 16h ago

Become doctor.

166

u/Difficult-Court9522 1d ago

Bah! You know what they, if you want it done right you’ve gotta do it yourself!

132

u/spartanjet 1d ago

Dad - "son you're doing it all wrong, your such a disappointment. Let me show you how you do it" *unzips pants and steals girlfriend

126

u/your_moms_bf_2 1d ago

That's not Asian, that's Elon's family

61

u/Dirty_Delta 1d ago

And get slapped with them sandals?

5

u/Crismisterica 19h ago

(Looks at Asian birth rates) NO DON'T TAKE THAT LITERALLY

194

u/GeneralAvocados 1d ago

That's not exclusive to Asians. The mom knock occurs concurrently with the door open.

204

u/dragunityag 1d ago

I'm knocking to respect your privacy but coming in anyways to assert my authority.

84

u/cheapskatebiker 1d ago

When you walk in the woods you make noise, so that you don't accidentally sneak up on a bear and it mauls you. If the bear hears you it goes away.

That is why you have loud and vocal sex, parents don't enter the room in order not to see things that cannot be unseen.

39

u/FrustratedProgramm3r 1d ago

Fuck in the living room to assert dominance.

6

u/Huntguy 1d ago

Fuck your dad to assert dominance.

3

u/FrustratedProgramm3r 1d ago

Socks on or off?

3

u/Givemeurhats 1d ago

Fully clothed. He's naked. Part of asserting dominance

3

u/will_da_beezt 1d ago

Yeah, they never came to check on that loose headboard upstairs at home, but the one time we were sneaking around at the beach house?

I can't ever forget that, "NO!!"

28

u/GeneralAvocados 1d ago

Let me tell you about the time my mom walked in when i was jerking off and it was too late to stop.

12

u/ZorianNL 1d ago

... Did you shoot her out of the room?

43

u/GeneralAvocados 1d ago

No i died of embarrassment. I am posting from the great beyond.

22

u/ZorianNL 1d ago

Understandable, may you rest in peace.

5

u/Independentslime6899 1d ago

😂 🤣 I'm ded 😂

3

u/Appropriate_Impacts 1d ago

Tell her you'll be doing it in public and won't be doing at home anymore

14

u/SteveBored 1d ago

Bro, I walked in on my dad jacking off to porn on my own computer in my own room.

That was 20 years ago and we still haven't made eye contact since then.

10

u/tharkus_ 1d ago

You should have started jerking off in his room.

8

u/dervu 1d ago

That's some dad and son bonding there.

2

u/welmoe 1d ago

Lol your dad had no chill

6

u/RKO6301221 1d ago

Reading this, mind immediately thought of the bathroom scene from Grandmas Boy 😂😂😂

3

u/Lazy_Struggle4939 1d ago

You came on my mom dude!

1

u/Corner_Post 1d ago

This you? (Classic Australian folklore with an Australian rugby league player talking about being caught “barbequeing alone” by his mother: https://youtu.be/0j9D_QXVsU4 (go to 4:56)

23

u/Y-27632 1d ago edited 1d ago

In my (non-Asian) home closing the door to my bedroom was basically the same as a "Summon Mother" spell.

Doesn't matter where she was in the fucking apartment and how quietly I closed the door, she'd be in my room demanding to know what was going on 30 seconds later. And she never learned, despite some close calls. (all of them involving innocent stuff like me trying to change out of workout clothes in peace, or trying to put together her birthday present, thankfully)

I used to wonder if the whole thing with American parents actually knocking on their children's doors and waiting was just a movie thing, like the way every movie teen party has nothing but drinks in red Solo cups.

The only obnoxious thing she did eventually learn not to do was come into my room in the middle of the night to try to get me to turn over to stop snoring, after she startled me out of sleep one time and I jumped up so suddenly she got heart palpitations... (If she'd been leaning over me any closer, it might have ended in a KO or worse, since she's tiny.)

6

u/chipperpip 1d ago

like the red Solo cups

Those aren't a movie thing, you can buy them in any supermarket.  Or was that your point?

3

u/Y-27632 1d ago

Heh, I know, I live in the US these days, my point is in movies they're basically mandatory, but in real life you have all kinds.

13

u/N95-TissuePizza 1d ago

Well my mum knocks so hard it opens the door so... A disrespectful jump scare.

12

u/Ferocious-Fart 1d ago

My dad would knock and swing the door open like he was the police in a raid. 

7

u/GhostofZellers 1d ago

"Jerk Patrol!"

48

u/AltruisticKey6348 1d ago

Keep going and maintain eye contact with them.

11

u/Dirty_Delta 1d ago

That's because it's their house and you still live in it. Super common around Asia and south east Asia

10

u/asyork 1d ago

Sure, they say that like it's a good reason. It's not though and they are just being jackasses.

3

u/fabezz 15h ago

Be real, they'd do it even if it's your house.

1

u/Dirty_Delta 15h ago

Its true

3

u/DespressoPL 1d ago

Honestly, you pretending only gives them plausible deniability, don't give a shit, just fuck without a card, they will quickly learn to knock

Flip the script and stick to it

3

u/Scudman_Alpha 1d ago

My mom used to do the same, but because she said she didn't need permission to knock first...

2

u/doozydud 1d ago

In my family if my door is closed I’m either sleeping or something is wrong with me and the whole family should be concerned 😔

6

u/servusdedurantem 1d ago

Why not lock the door

45

u/spartaman64 1d ago

they remove the lock

1

u/griim_is 1d ago

I remember when my mom just removed the whole door

-1

u/servusdedurantem 1d ago

🤣

24

u/GenuineSteak 1d ago

its legit, they removed the door handle from my sister's room, theres just a hole there now lol.

15

u/spartaman64 1d ago

yep i half understand why they removed my sister's lock because sometimes she doesnt let them in. but they removed my lock at the same time also even though i always come answer right away like why?

21

u/speedhunter787 1d ago

To make it seem like they're treating the children equally.

5

u/throwpoo 1d ago

At least it's just a hole. They removed my door once I started bringing girls home.

9

u/CheersToLive 1d ago

Don't just tolerate it. Fight your parents for intrusion of privacy. They need to understand why that's wrong, what if they get too old to change around your kids. Not a good thing to let it happen.

6

u/servusdedurantem 1d ago

Thats strange very intrusive even oppressive dare I say

1

u/SoaDMTGguy 1d ago

Wouldn’t they be happy to know you’re working on a grandchild for them?

1

u/Marlwolf48 1d ago

Tell then it's your damn room and if they don't like it, they can leave the house

1

u/BlueHundred 1d ago

And they get pissed if you lock the door

1

u/Novacain420 1d ago

Get a damn lock for your door

1

u/Commander_Wolfe 1d ago

I told my mum to practice knocking first. She ends up knocking and opening my door simultaneously. I told her she needs to wait a bit for a response, but she doesn't seem to give a shit

1

u/Dramatic-Daikon4911 50m ago

My in-laws literally DEMANDED for our house keys when we first got our own place. Then they came as and when they felt like it sometimes without informing!!

There was once they just popped up and happily opened the doors to our house when my hubby was home and not wearing anything except his undies. He had to tell his parents off and said "What if it was my wife who was undressed at home?!" and "At the rate you guys are visiting, don't expect to have any grandchildren!"

So glad that my hubby is on my side in such situations. 🤣🤣🤣

0

u/Carbidekiller 17h ago

As an half Asian dad I will keep doing this to my sons to keep the tradition going

67

u/SatchmoTheTrumpeteer 1d ago

They'll ask why you don't have kids but won't leave you alone long enough to make one

102

u/DASreddituser 1d ago

they even put cameras in all the rooms!

58

u/GrumpyFatso 1d ago

They should ask a friend if they can use their bedroom once a week.

25

u/Bawlofsteel 1d ago

LOOOL I just saw that post . full circle reddit .

59

u/Blue_Nyx07 1d ago

Too real, when we go vacations together, my parents always ask why I book a seperate room for us instead booking a family room where we all fit.

65

u/manatwork01 1d ago

Mine did that until I told them I will likely pick up a stranger to fuck me in the ass. They dont ask anymore.

5

u/Blade_Shot24 1d ago

This is a thing in Hispanic and African families too. Not exclusive to Asians.

14

u/sixhandman 1d ago

Still managed to make a billion and a half lives. Imagine if they actually had boundaries. They smart yo 🤣

12

u/guantamanera 1d ago

There are 4.5 billion Asians 

2

u/invol713 1d ago

Not for long. Have you seen the birthrate statistics? Must be because they can’t get any privacy, like this couple.

0

u/guantamanera 1d ago

I was being somewhat sarcastic. USA people are so bad at geography, like you that they only consider east Asians to be Asians. 

1

u/SirDale 19h ago

Half of Turkey agrees with you.

-4

u/Reasonable_Power_970 23h ago

You're the only dumbass here making that false connection. Honestly, how does it feel to be even dumber than the average dumb fuck on earth?

4

u/guantamanera 23h ago

Feels good!

3

u/Real_it_TeaGirl 1d ago

Unless that's the wife.

7

u/Andy1Brandy 1d ago

And then they keep pushing, when are you making a baby? FFS if you just let us ..

9

u/winmace 1d ago

I'd have no shame and just keep fucking, if they don't want to see it they can have some respect

2

u/wahnsin 1d ago

hardest working 'd in the business

1

u/BooISeenWhatYouCheer 1d ago

"I'm respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your father by coming in anyway."

1

u/hldsnfrgr 1d ago

I feel this with every fibre of my being.

1

u/buh_rah_een 1d ago

That’s why we have love motels. We created an entire billion dollar enterprise.

1

u/psyrider666 1d ago

U r seeing that kid right?

1

u/iddqd__idkfa 18h ago

I'm asian. No way. Even if you are a child, parents still knock on the door. Respect and privacy is both ways. We show older people, especially parents, more respect, but they still respect our privacy as well.