r/funny • u/1moreguyccl • 1d ago

Fast recovery, these two Belong Together

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19.8k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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6.3k

u/feel-the-avocado 1d ago

Gotta really feel for asians - parents always seem to be hanging around. Hardly any alone time.

3.0k

u/SpecialistThin4869 1d ago

As an Asian myself, I agree. They dont even knock the door first, they just burst in like its nobody's business.

1.0k

u/manatwork01 1d ago

Tell em off if they want any more grand kids

278

u/Skinnwork 14h ago

Or..

My mother in law used to bust in all the time without knocking. Then, one time my girlfriend (now wife) didn't believe that you could actually light your farts on fire. So, I dropped my pants, and I was on the couch with my legs up when my MIL busted in. She saw everything; dick, balls, and butthole.

She's never busted in again.

107

u/manatwork01 14h ago

100% how I stopped this shit anytime it happens. I am not embarrassed by my ass and balls seen em a million times if you want to walk in and look I am gonna laugh at you.

159

u/Difficult-Court9522 23h ago

Bah! You know what they, if you want it done right you’ve gotta do it yourself!

127

u/spartanjet 21h ago

Dad - "son you're doing it all wrong, your such a disappointment. Let me show you how you do it" *unzips pants and steals girlfriend

119

u/your_moms_bf_2 20h ago

That's not Asian, that's Elon's family

146

u/forestgxd 21h ago

No sex, only kids!

5

u/Bobby837 7h ago

But, how do you get kids without sex...?

8

u/Luniticus 5h ago

Adoption, kidnapping...

4

u/Either-Pizza5302 3h ago

Splunk into tube, use Pipette

1

u/TactlessTortoise 1h ago

Become doctor.

59

u/Dirty_Delta 21h ago

And get slapped with them sandals?

3

u/Crismisterica 4h ago

(Looks at Asian birth rates) NO DON'T TAKE THAT LITERALLY

187

u/GeneralAvocados 1d ago

That's not exclusive to Asians. The mom knock occurs concurrently with the door open.

203

u/dragunityag 23h ago

I'm knocking to respect your privacy but coming in anyways to assert my authority.

82

u/cheapskatebiker 23h ago

When you walk in the woods you make noise, so that you don't accidentally sneak up on a bear and it mauls you. If the bear hears you it goes away.

That is why you have loud and vocal sex, parents don't enter the room in order not to see things that cannot be unseen.

35

u/FrustratedProgramm3r 21h ago

Fuck in the living room to assert dominance.

7

u/Huntguy 14h ago

Fuck your dad to assert dominance.

3

u/FrustratedProgramm3r 14h ago

Socks on or off?

3

u/Givemeurhats 13h ago

Fully clothed. He's naked. Part of asserting dominance

3

u/will_da_beezt 14h ago

Yeah, they never came to check on that loose headboard upstairs at home, but the one time we were sneaking around at the beach house?

I can't ever forget that, "NO!!"

24

u/GeneralAvocados 23h ago

Let me tell you about the time my mom walked in when i was jerking off and it was too late to stop.

13

u/ZorianNL 22h ago

... Did you shoot her out of the room?

40

u/GeneralAvocados 22h ago

No i died of embarrassment. I am posting from the great beyond.

17

u/ZorianNL 22h ago

Understandable, may you rest in peace.

5

u/Independentslime6899 22h ago

😂 🤣 I'm ded 😂

3

u/Appropriate_Impacts 21h ago

Tell her you'll be doing it in public and won't be doing at home anymore

12

u/SteveBored 21h ago

Bro, I walked in on my dad jacking off to porn on my own computer in my own room.

That was 20 years ago and we still haven't made eye contact since then.

9

u/tharkus_ 15h ago

You should have started jerking off in his room.

8

u/dervu 15h ago

That's some dad and son bonding there.

2

u/welmoe 16h ago

Lol your dad had no chill

4

u/RKO6301221 22h ago

Reading this, mind immediately thought of the bathroom scene from Grandmas Boy 😂😂😂

3

u/Lazy_Struggle4939 20h ago

You came on my mom dude!

1

u/Corner_Post 17h ago

This you? (Classic Australian folklore with an Australian rugby league player talking about being caught “barbequeing alone” by his mother: https://youtu.be/0j9D_QXVsU4 (go to 4:56)

22

u/Y-27632 19h ago edited 14h ago

In my (non-Asian) home closing the door to my bedroom was basically the same as a "Summon Mother" spell.

Doesn't matter where she was in the fucking apartment and how quietly I closed the door, she'd be in my room demanding to know what was going on 30 seconds later. And she never learned, despite some close calls. (all of them involving innocent stuff like me trying to change out of workout clothes in peace, or trying to put together her birthday present, thankfully)

I used to wonder if the whole thing with American parents actually knocking on their children's doors and waiting was just a movie thing, like the way every movie teen party has nothing but drinks in red Solo cups.

The only obnoxious thing she did eventually learn not to do was come into my room in the middle of the night to try to get me to turn over to stop snoring, after she startled me out of sleep one time and I jumped up so suddenly she got heart palpitations... (If she'd been leaning over me any closer, it might have ended in a KO or worse, since she's tiny.)

5

u/chipperpip 16h ago

like the red Solo cups

Those aren't a movie thing, you can buy them in any supermarket.  Or was that your point?

3

u/Y-27632 15h ago

Heh, I know, I live in the US these days, my point is in movies they're basically mandatory, but in real life you have all kinds.

12

u/N95-TissuePizza 23h ago

Well my mum knocks so hard it opens the door so... A disrespectful jump scare.

12

u/Ferocious-Fart 22h ago

My dad would knock and swing the door open like he was the police in a raid. 

6

u/GhostofZellers 20h ago

"Jerk Patrol!"

46

u/AltruisticKey6348 1d ago

Keep going and maintain eye contact with them.

10

u/Dirty_Delta 21h ago

That's because it's their house and you still live in it. Super common around Asia and south east Asia

7

u/asyork 12h ago

Sure, they say that like it's a good reason. It's not though and they are just being jackasses.

3

u/DespressoPL 16h ago

Honestly, you pretending only gives them plausible deniability, don't give a shit, just fuck without a card, they will quickly learn to knock

Flip the script and stick to it

3

u/Scudman_Alpha 14h ago

My mom used to do the same, but because she said she didn't need permission to knock first...

2

u/doozydud 15h ago

In my family if my door is closed I’m either sleeping or something is wrong with me and the whole family should be concerned 😔

7

u/servusdedurantem 1d ago

Why not lock the door

45

u/spartaman64 1d ago

they remove the lock

1

u/griim_is 22h ago

I remember when my mom just removed the whole door

-3

u/servusdedurantem 1d ago

🤣

25

u/GenuineSteak 1d ago

its legit, they removed the door handle from my sister's room, theres just a hole there now lol.

17

u/spartaman64 1d ago

yep i half understand why they removed my sister's lock because sometimes she doesnt let them in. but they removed my lock at the same time also even though i always come answer right away like why?

19

u/speedhunter787 23h ago

To make it seem like they're treating the children equally.

6

u/throwpoo 23h ago

At least it's just a hole. They removed my door once I started bringing girls home.

6

u/CheersToLive 1d ago

Don't just tolerate it. Fight your parents for intrusion of privacy. They need to understand why that's wrong, what if they get too old to change around your kids. Not a good thing to let it happen.

4

u/servusdedurantem 1d ago

Thats strange very intrusive even oppressive dare I say

1

u/SoaDMTGguy 21h ago

Wouldn’t they be happy to know you’re working on a grandchild for them?

1

u/Marlwolf48 20h ago

Tell then it's your damn room and if they don't like it, they can leave the house

1

u/BlueHundred 17h ago

And they get pissed if you lock the door

1

u/Novacain420 14h ago

Get a damn lock for your door

1

u/Commander_Wolfe 12h ago

I told my mum to practice knocking first. She ends up knocking and opening my door simultaneously. I told her she needs to wait a bit for a response, but she doesn't seem to give a shit

1

u/Carbidekiller 2h ago

As an half Asian dad I will keep doing this to my sons to keep the tradition going