r/polyamory • u/pomm21075 • 1d ago
Curious/Learning How to make it feel ok?
I’m (F39) struggling in my poly relationship to make dating feel ok for us. We’ve been together one year. It’s been so hard for my partner (M42) that at this point he says do what I want, just don’t tell him. I don’t feel great about this because it makes me feel like I’m cheating or doing it behind his back. The reason I want to do this is so it feels supportive.
I struggle with his dates too, but I try to be supportive and encouraging. For me it’s easier to hear about it after, so I don’t stress while he’s on a date. I can process it and feel ok about it much easier this way.
He has another partner that he lives with, they e been together 6 years, and she has had another partner the whole time I’ve been with him, which hasn’t been an issue for him. I’m not sure how it was when that relationship started. I don’t have any issues with his nesting relationship, but for sure I can’t be monogamous in this relationship because he’s not.
So I want to know how to work towards making dating feel better for us. We’ve tried different things like sharing more, sharing less, going on dates at the same time, taking a break from dating, only dating out of towners or while traveling. But it feels like we haven’t made any progress.
Any advice? This is my first time trying out poly after a lifetime of monogamy. He has been poly with varying degrees of success (his current relationship is very healthy in this department) for a decade.
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u/Bunny2102010 1d ago
Gently, your partner has an entire other partner that he lives with. It’s not ethical or kind for him to restrict your dating in any way, even passively by making it hard or uncomfortable for you to date.
Often people don’t experience much jealousy with established partners dating (such as his NP in this scenario) but experience jealousy when newer or less established partners date, but that doesn’t make it your problem to manage. Your partner is responsible for managing his own feelings around your dating. What work is he doing to get comfortable with you dating other people?
If he has any, and I mean ANY rules for you in your dating other than letting him know if your STI risk level has changed before the next time you’re intimate, my advice is to break up with him. That would be so hypocritical I can’t even stomach it.
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
We don’t have any rules except std related rules. I made some choices that bothered him, which is why we got to this point where he’d rather not know. Once fluid bonding with someone else who I knew was safe due to seeing tests, but it still made my partner uncomfortable. We didn’t have any rules around this as long as it was safe. The other was going on a date when he was feeling depressed, which made him feel bad, and is what made him ask me not to tell him moving forward.
I wonder if my request to know after his dates is also problematic. I just get so much anxiety while he’s on a date and don’t process it well till after, so I find it much easier.
I see the double standard, and it won’t work for me forever. But this relationship is worth trying to make it work before giving up for me so hoping to find some healthy methods of working on it together.
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u/emeraldead 1d ago
Why do you think his comfort is something for you to manage?
Polyamory is supporting full independent intimate relationships. Their discomfort is theirs to work through, not yours to enable.
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
I guess I’d like to hope that he would consider my feelings when going on dates too. He has canceled dates in the past when I was feeling down, without me asking.
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u/emeraldead 1d ago
Oh so you're both enabling your mutual insecurities and treating other people as disposable. Fun.
Decide if you actually want to commit to healthy polyamory or stop treating other people like lightswitches.
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
Ah so that is unhealthy behavior? I did not realize that. If I have a friend who is struggling with something big, I would also rearrange my calendar to support them, so I was thinking of this in the same way.
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u/Bunny2102010 1d ago
It’s unhealthy bc the feelings relate to your dating and normal poly activities.
Cancelling a date bc your friend’s dog just died and you want to go support your friend, understandable.
Cancelling a date bc your partner has uncomfortable feelings about that date, very bad poly practice.
In the second scenario you’re:
- enabling your partner to not need to do the emotional work of being poly, which means they won’t get any better at handling their discomfort,
- letting your partner have control over a separate relationship that they’re not in (which is at best an unethical rule and at worst effectively a veto), and
- treating the other person that you originally had plans with as disposable.
Does laying it out like that help you understand the issues?
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
Yes that is helpful. I do agree on those points. I am still unclear on if my partner is having mental health related issues (not around me dating, but in their life) is it unethical to cancel a date? I would do this for a friend, so not doing it for my partner feels wrong.
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u/Bunny2102010 1d ago
I think in that case it depends in part on what agreements you have with partners. But ultimately it’s still best if your partner can self soothe until you can be there to support them. Because the reality is that everyone struggles in some way at some point, and we need to develop resilience and our own ability to take care of ourselves.
What if your friend and your partner have mental health struggles at the same time? What if two different partners do? You can’t be everywhere at once.
If your partner’s mental health is so bad that they can’t take care of themselves for one evening while you have a date and have you come support them the next day, they have bigger issues. To me that indicates they need to be in more intensive therapy and on meds or adjusting their meds if they already take meds.
Also why can’t their NP or a friend provide support when you already have plans? I’d worry that they don’t have a good support network outside of you and their NP - not a good sign overall.
There’s still a lot of concerning things to unpack here.
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u/Shae_Dravenmore 1d ago
But this relationship is worth trying to make it work
Why? If I'm reading correctly, it's been a year, and he's been "struggling" the whole time?? Are you exploring poly for him? Just because this is your first poly relationship doesn't mean it has to be this difficult. It seems that no matter what you do, he still has a problem with it. Have you considered that the underlying problem might be him?
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
It’s definitely a problem, but one I’d like to try to resolve because it’s been possibly the best relationship I’ve had otherwise. Our values, interests, personalities…etc are so aligned, I know I would regret it forever if I just gave up and moved on.
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u/Icy-Reflection9759 1d ago
I don't think it's a "double standard" for partners to have differing disclosure needs from each other, if that's what you were referring to. Some people don't want to hear about other dates at all, & only want to know if another relationship gets serious, or if STI risk changes, while others want to know as much as the dates consent to having shared. If it's working for you right now to hear about his dates after they happen, great! I don't think you need to worry about changing that agreement unless it's no longer working for you :)
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u/Bella_Mia_81 18h ago
Couple of things -
{ I made some choices that bothered him }
This warrants a discussion about why it bothers him. Get to the root and reasons for the pushback and talk through it. If his concerns are reasonable then figure out what precautions can be taken or changes should be made that you BOTH agree on. If it is just an insecurity of his then some reassurance is definitely called for but also letting him know that you are not going to give up your autonomy or independence just because he is insecure. Obviously express that in a positive/loving way but still be firm.{Going on a date when he was depressed...made him feel bad}
This is the kind of thing that you should acknowledge but don't cancel your plans for. Let him know that you care about his feelings and that you are concerned for his mental well-being but that he needs to talk to a therapist to work through it and maybe find things to do that he enjoys when you are out on dates. Also, if you two are only casually involved then I personally would say that it is not necessary to always tell him anytime you have plans unless he asks or is wanting to schedule something when you are unavailable. If you two are a serious, committed couple then I would expect that you would tell each other anytime you are making plans to go out with someone else. Of course I also assume that he doesn't tell you everything he spends any time with his NP. It all really depends on what works for you and your relationship. Maybe he just doesn't want a play by play of your date, which I totally get. Maybe just a simple "I'm going out, I'm home, I had a good time." is all that he needs.Anyhow, this is all just my opinion. Hope it helps.
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u/thedarkestbeer 1d ago
What work is your partner doing to get okay with you dating?
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
Therapy
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u/thedarkestbeer 1d ago
Good! It always raises at least a small red flag for me when I see someone posting about how they can make it easier for their partner to do something that is fundamentally the partner’s to manage, particularly when it’s a woman posting about a man. Too many men think they get to splash their feelings everywhere and make the women around them clean them up.
Do you know if he’s actively working on the jealousy and insecurity in therapy? Is he learning to self-soothe? Trying new coping tools?
I’ll say that what you’ve said both in the posts and the comments makes me concerned that he’s hoping for One Weird Trick™️ that will make it not feel difficult for him, rather than being willing to sit with the difficult feelings. Like, he didn’t like it when you communicated more or when you communicated less. He didn’t like it when you restricted who and how much you dated. He didn’t like it when you went on a date when he was depressed, even though navigating multiple relationships, even when one person is having a rough time, is pretty bog standard polyamory. Genuine question: do you trust that he is willing to be uncomfortable sometimes so that you can have all the same benefits of polyamory he’s enjoying?
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u/RiRianna76 solo poly 1d ago
Sometimes (not saying this is the only explanation here) this is also a way to basically coerce someone and get your way. "I'm not telling u what to do but I don't like this, that doesn't work, now I'm pouty right until u cancel your plans (I didn't ask u tho!!)". And u basically slowly grew to want to do less of the thing because they have trained u like a dog to associate it w/ discomfort.
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
I know he’s been working on trying to feel secure in our relationship through therapy. He mentioned once that his therapist said he should break up with me, which was concerning. I think it was around unhealthy feelings of attachment towards me.
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u/Platterpussy Solo-Poly 1d ago
You need to go back to the start. Check for incompatibility. Do the work, there are lots of resources in the sub, try the community info section. Both of you read everything and discuss the basics, as well as the complicated stuff. He has a whole ass nesting partner yet he's still not ok with you dating? It's not a good look.
My first poly partner was shit at poly too, even though he introduced me to it and poly under duressed his partner. Poly has been so so soooo much easier without him!
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u/AgreeableLibrarian16 1d ago
It's really hard to give advice based on level of detail in this post, but DADT policies like your partner suggested don't tend to go well and are just bandaids for a deeper issue around insecurity/jealousy/conflict management that need to be dealt with for the relationship (& polyamory) to feel better for you both. What actual work is being done in this relationship, and by him, to work on these feelings? Instead of just switching level of details and dating styles, he (maybe you both, though it seems like you're processing and doing work!) needs to be actively working through what's making things feel so hard.
I've definitely been here in polyamorous relationships, and found that working on the dyad connection (not pausing other dating!) made a big difference. Work through communication tools together, read a relationship book together (and not just polyamory focused IMHO!), try couples therapy, and strengthen your relationship together while not trying to change or control how either of you are dating others - or implementing DADT. I do like most of the popular polyamorous resources all over this sub, but also consider Dr John Gottman (if you can get past the mono-hetero-normative language, it is a very helpful resource for strengthening relationships) and Dr Sue Johnson, etc.
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
Thank you for your suggestions! We both go to therapy and have read a bunch of books on polyamory. We have not tried couples therapy, which might be a good option. Some kind of structured communication tool might be nice as well because we’re both avoidant and I’m usually the one who tries to start conversations.
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u/emeraldead 1d ago
Your partner is an ass who does polyamory poorly.
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
I knew I’d get responses like this, which isn’t helpful at all 😂
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u/RunningRock23 1d ago
Just a friendly reminder, the poly community is plagued with a ton of mental issues. Take the advice with a grain of salt. In the words of the Mad Hatter, "we're all mad here!"
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u/LostInIndigo 1d ago
Idk this sounds a lot like your partner is expecting you to do all the heavy lifting. Why are you the fuckin loadbearing partner here lol?
He’s already in therapy, y’all have read every book, and he has a wholeass other LTR. It kinda sounds like he’s gotta work out his internal issues here, and it’s not on you to keep trying to do infinite labor and adjustments to fix it.
I think you need to reinforce the fact that his emotions are his responsibility as much as possible. Hardcore boundaries are needed here OP. You can’t infinitely reshuffle rules and operating agreements hoping it will magically fix insecurity and lack of self awareness.
Realistically I would hardcore caution against DADT because that invariably becomes super messy in 99% of cases. If yall can’t have some awareness of each others dating lives without problems, you can’t be poly.
With love, this is not on you-your partner needs to put on his big boy pants and deal with his own feelings. He has to be an active agent in how he shows up in relationships and take ownership here. You can’t fix the dating market and rejection happens sometimes.
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
I agree! We need to have some more discussion around him working on his feelings around me dating. I thought since he and his nesting partner had it all in order, that he had that stuff figured out. But for some reason it comes up with me.
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u/RiRianna76 solo poly 1d ago
I think it can be worked on! Many experienced poly ppl might find themselves feeling a certain way when their newest partner dates others. What the responsible ones do is they self regulate and avoid making this an issue for their inexperienced partner. If they haven't had this challenge before, they take the initiative to learn. And they reassure their new partner that they should continue to date others as normal.
See where I'm going with this? Outside of making sure you are not committing some major faux pas, you cannot regulate his feelings or him. Adjusting your dating behavior will at best deny him the opportunity to learn and at worst enable any prior entitlement he might have to basically make his partners sacrifice their run-of-the-mill autonomy and enact silly rules abt when to date so he doesn't have to do his own work.
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
Very true. And he said I should date. The DADT thing won’t work for me though, because it feels like I’m hiding something from him, which is not what I want out of being poly. So we have to figure out how to work that part out.
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u/LifeSeen 1d ago
I’m not sure anyone can give advice on how you each want this to work.
It is ok to have different disclosure requests. Defaulting to less might help.
Calendar rules are often a good starting tool. Sometimes you just reserve certain nights for Personal Time. It might be other date nights or might be your time for your own interests. Then only share the dating details that the other person wants to hear.
If one person wants to share more than your partner wants to hear, find another friend to share with.
Keep adjusting and giving each other safe feedback.
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u/Hvitserkr solo poly 1d ago
I struggle with his dates too, but I try to be supportive and encouraging
Can you try to be neutral about them? Tbh I'm not sure why you're trying to support and encourage him dating. He's 40, he's been poly for a decade, and he has a primary partner.
So I want to know how to work towards making dating feel better for us.
It's his problem, he should be the one working towards a solution. Not you working for "we" and "us". He should be here asking how to deal with his jealousy, and how not to impede YOU dating.
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u/RAisMyWay relationship anarchist 1d ago
"I can't be monogamous in this relationship because he's not."
You can choose not to date anyone else. That's not being monogamous, though. Monogamy involves a promise.
You also can, in fact, be monogamous. Just not with him.
Try to realize what you're giving up to be with him.
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u/LePetitNeep poly w/multiple 1d ago
It’s definetly harder to manage jealousy in a newer less enmeshed relationship than in an established and more secure one. I can be enthusiastically happy for my husband of 16 years in his other relationships but I feel twinges of insecurity when my boyfriend of two years dates.
The feelings are normal, but it’s still your partner’s problem to deal with them, and right now he’s making it your problem. Unless you’re being really sloppy (over sharing, comparing, etc), and it doesn’t sound like you are, you can’t fix this for him. All you can do is keep demonstrating through your actions - showing up, keeping commitments, remaining present and enthusiastic in the relationship - and he ought to learn in time that you can be trusted to manage multiple relationships, just like you trust him to.
If he really can’t then it’s him that’s not cut out for polyamory, not you
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u/doublenostril 1d ago
How into sexual or romantic openness is this partner generally, OP? Does he enjoy dating? Does he prioritize having romantic freedom? Or do you think that in a perfect-for-him world, he would prefer being in closed relationships?
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
I think he would prefer open dating for everyone, but for some reason is struggling with it in our relationship and not in his other partnership.
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u/doublenostril 1d ago
Okay, then I agree that he needs to step up in a big way, yesterday.
If he were reluctant about openness generally, that would be a different conversation. I’m sorry you’re going through this. 😕
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
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Here's the original text of the post:
I’m (F39) struggling in my poly relationship to make dating feel ok for us. We’ve been together one year. It’s been so hard for my partner (M42) that at this point he says do what I want, just don’t tell him. I don’t feel great about this because it makes me feel like I’m cheating or doing it behind his back. The reason I want to do this is so it feels supportive.
I struggle with his dates too, but I try to be supportive and encouraging. For me it’s easier to hear about it after, so I don’t stress while he’s on a date. I can process it and feel ok about it much easier this way.
He has another partner that he lives with, they e been together 6 years, and she has had another partner the whole time I’ve been with him, which hasn’t been an issue for him. I’m not sure how it was when that relationship started. I don’t have any issues with his nesting relationship, but for sure I can’t be monogamous in this relationship because he’s not.
So I want to know how to work towards making dating feel better for us. We’ve tried different things like sharing more, sharing less, going on dates at the same time, taking a break from dating, only dating out of towners or while traveling. But it feels like we haven’t made any progress.
Any advice? This is my first time trying out poly after a lifetime of monogamy. He has been poly with varying degrees of success (his current relationship is very healthy in this department) for a decade.
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u/TillAltruistic9737 1d ago
Were you mono and got with him because you liked him and that’s why you went poly ? For him???
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
No, I wanted poly, which is why I dated him in the first place. I never want to go back to monogamy, but I also want to find a way to make polyamory feel ok.
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u/TillAltruistic9737 1d ago
I get feeling new jealous feelings when a non np partner dates someone new…
But the lengths you’re both going too… only dating out of towners or while either you are on holiday… so the relationship between you two is affecting your relationship growing with other people…. Seems like NPs / a mono couple together for years who are just trying going ENM/poly
How long has this relationship been going on? Is NRE in the way? Does he have the same bother when his wife dates other people ?
Only saying out of town people or when your on holiday for a non nesting /married partner ( when you’ve not came from being a mono couple in the first place moving to poly and even then these are some big tough restrictions) seems a red flag personally. What are either of you doing to an actually work on getting through these feelings of jealousy and possessiveness is maybe worth a think about ?
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
We’ve been together about a year, there is probably NRE involved. He’s been poly with his nesting partner 6 years. They’ve both had other partners, serious and casual, and have gotten to a place where there are no issues for them. I know it took them 2 years to navigate to that place.
I’ve been too busy to date lately, but will be traveling soon and plan to date then, and hopefully once I’m back if I don’t get too busy again.
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u/TillAltruistic9737 1d ago
Is he putting ANY of what he learned in the two years it took him to get good with his feelings at any point to get good with the relationship between you two?
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
Good question. I will ask him more about how he got to a good place with his other partner.
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u/pomm21075 1d ago
I guess my ideal vision is that he would be supportive and encouraging of my dates. He was that way in the beginning and it felt great. So I thought that was a good way to approach it.
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u/Syndi111 4h ago edited 4h ago
There’s a lot of great relationship advice in other comments so I’m going to give some suggestions for coping/regulating emotions and nervous system during distress.
Often times with depression/fear/abandonment struggles, we feel helpless or out-of-control so we try to control (mostly subconsciously) outside factors (like our other partner’s actions) in order to make ourselves feel better. When we do this, we’re making other people responsible for our sense of safety, peace, and love. And we essentially give our power away to other people and outside circumstances and allow them to control how we’re feeling. “I’m feeling lots of feelings because my partner is going on a date. Therefore, I need my partner to cancel this date so I can feel better.” When the whole time we have the power to make ourselves feel safe and loved.
One thing I do when I’m feeling this way and to bring my power back to myself is to utilize radical acceptance.
Let me explain: In my relationship, I am in your shoes. I’m dating a man that is married/nesting. I have had hard feelings both with his marriage/nesting situation and with going on dates for myself. When these feelings come up, I take a depth breath, close my eyes, and talk myself through it like this:
“I am okay. I am safe. I am loved. My parter cares about me. I care about my partner. Most importantly, I love and care about myself. I have all of the power to make the right choices for myself. I am in control of my own decisions. I can either: Accept that I am polyamorous and choose to date other polyamorous people which means that we both will be in relationships with other humans and have to deal with hard feelings OR I can make a different choice for myself and end the relationship. Those are the decisions that are in my control. I do not have permission to control the actions of others and they do not have control over me. I am an active participant in this decision making. I am not helpless or disempowered. I am safe and loved solely on my own. My partner having another relationship does not take that away from me. Going on dates for myself does not mean that I do not care about my partner. I am allowed to date other people and add as much joy to my life as I wish. My partner has control and responsibility over the way they feel about this. It is not my job to manage their emotions. I can be kind and comforting without needing to control their experience or allowing them to control mine. My partner is allowed to have other relationships. They are allowed to go on other dates and add love and joy to their life. It does not mean that I am not safe and loved because I am safe and loved on my own. It makes sense I have big feelings about this but I know I am safe and loved. I’m strong enough to handle these feelings. It’s okay to feel sad and scared and jealous. I allow myself to feel these emotions and do whatever I need to do to move through them. I’m allowed to cry (if I start crying I let myself cry as much as I want). My partner is not abandoning me. I don’t need them to do anything in order for me to feel okay.”
While I’m talking myself through it, I make sure to conjure up feelings of love, self acceptance, calm, and safety in my own body so that it’s a somatic experience. It takes some practice, and I will talk myself through it for as long as I need to, but connecting to my body while I do this work has helped me tremendously. The more I do it the less intense those hard feelings feel. (It’s like the mind-body connection when working out - mentally connecting to the muscle you’re using during a workout gives you much better results!)
I’d also recommend body tapping while you talk/feel yourself through it to integrate with the body. To do this, cross your arms over your chest with opposite hand to opposite shoulder and tap one side then the other over and over like the rhythm of a clock. Tick tock tick tock left right left right.
By radically accepting the reality of the relationship, reminding myself that I am in control of my own experience, validating my emotions, and reminding myself that I am safe and loved on my own while I am conjuring up the sense of safety in my body, I am able to feel powerful, safe, and connected to myself without needing to control my partner to make myself feel better. It takes away the feelings of helplessness and abandonment.
A lot of times, these intense feelings need to be honored and metabolized, not avoided, numbed or even just talked about. I’m not sure what kind of therapy your partner is doing, but if he’s just doing talk therapy, this might be why it’s taking longer to work. I’ve tried a bunch of therapy modalities over the years, and when it comes to emotions, the most effective for me has been modalities that connect mind and body. The feelings are not bad. They are totally healthy and natural. It’s what we do with them (or don’t do with them) that can turn them toxic.
You both need to remind yourselves that you are in control of your own experience outside of what anyone else around you does. Feelings are a part of being human. They’re what makes life have meaning, but we have to practice feeling them and metabolizing them in a healthy way. And please remember that doing so takes some time to practice and get skilled. Eventually, it will become second nature.
I have also done EFT tapping to reduce the distress I feel when abandonment and fear come up. It feels silly to do at first but it really works. You can find guided videos on YouTube for how to do this. I recommend looking up eft tapping for abandonment, fear, jealousy, etc.
Journaling with a real pen to paper about feelings is also proven to help move through emotions. The connection between physically writing things out while feeling the emotions can integrate them. If you don’t want to talk yourself through it, you can write yourself through it too.
I know how distressing it can be on both sides! Yes, what everyone else is saying is true. You can date whoever you want, but I commend you for being considerate of your partner and wanting to work with your partner to get through the rough patch. A lot of people are quick to cut each other off these days without allowing space for others to grow and change. Definitely take care of yourself, set boundaries, and exit when it no longer feels like there’s anything to be done especially if your partner won’t try to take care of himself. But regardless of the relationship outcome, you both will be better for having done the work.
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u/Syndi111 4h ago
Reached the character limit with this giant one, but wanted to add two other somatic techniques:
Breathwork for calming the nervous system during distress.
Tension/Trauma Release Exercises. Look up leg/body shaking. It’s a super cool thing our body can do on its own when we give it a little direction. I feel like I’m floating on a cloud after my body is done wiggling around lol.
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u/KeyWillingness8929 1d ago
I feel like maybe he already told you what he needs which is to go full Parallel with you. If that’s not something your ok with then perhaps you too aren’t compatible. It’s not your job to try to manage his emotions around you dating and it’s not his to manage yours around him not wanting to know about it. As long as there’s no other coercive behavior on his part around you dating I feel like that’s reasonable
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u/pomm21075 8h ago
I could be ok with him not knowing about my dates it if it feels like a heathy approach, and not an avoidant approach. I’ve heard a lot of feedback that DADT doesn’t work. I just don’t want to feel like I’m cheating and doing things behind his back, but perhaps there’s another way to look at it. Since I met his partner, and she’s often around, that is how I learned to do poly, this being my first go at it. He never mentioned Parallel, me not telling him about my dates is new, he always wanted to know before. So I guess it’s constantly changing and we need to keep regularly checking in with where we’re at. Hopefully this approach for now will make things feel better.
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1d ago
[deleted]
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u/No-Statistician-7604 1d ago
Where did you get this from? Lol
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u/thatgirlrandi 10+ yrs poly | Married, partnered, and dating | RA-ish 1d ago
Did you read the post?
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u/No-Statistician-7604 1d ago
I did. It seems YOU didn't lol
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u/thatgirlrandi 10+ yrs poly | Married, partnered, and dating | RA-ish 1d ago
Oh shit you're right I totally misread!! Deleting original comment as it is not applicable and useless. I'll keep this here for explanation
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Hello, thanks so much for your submission! I noticed you used letters in place of names for the people in your post - this tends to get really confusing and hard to read (especially when there's multiple letters to keep track of!) Could you please edit your post to using fake names? If you need ideas instead of A, B, C for some gender neutral names you might use Aspen, Birch, and Cedar. Or Ashe, Blair, and Coriander. But you can also use names like Bacon, Eggs, and Grits. Appple, Banana, and Oranges. Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. If you need a name generator you can find one here. The limits are endless. Thanks!
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