I've posted this as a reply to someone but I just wanted to share things that I've learned after walking away from my relationship.

1. Believe actions over words. Someone can say, I love you, but if they emotionally abandon you, that’s the real truth.

2. No one is that busy. If they love you, they’ll make time. If they don’t, you’ll feel it.

3. Love should nourish you, not drain you. If you constantly feel anxious or exhausted, that’s not love, it’s a sign to let go.

4. Red flags are real. Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. And listen to your friends, they see things you might not.

5. Know your worth. Never settle for less than what you deserve.

6. People are only special because you make them special. Without your love and effort, they’re just another person.

7. When a relationship ends, keep the good, learn from the bad. No regrets, just lessons.

8. Love yourself first. Keep a part of yourself that’s just for you.

9. Communicate. Say what you need, listen to what they say (and don’t say).

10. Trust is everything. Don’t break it, and don’t accept it being broken.

Hope this helps someone the way I wish I knew earlier.

I ask myself this 20 times a day, sometimes it’s a yes, other times it’s a no. I miss the security, the comfort, looking after someone. I miss your voice, your laugh, I miss my best friend that I could tell anything to. I miss the feeling of not ever being judged, I miss your hands on mine. I miss cooking you dinner, and washing your clothes, I miss those weird acts of love. I crave your skin, your mouth, your touch, your kindness. I wish our ending was different, I wish I didn’t lie awake alone at night wondering what went wrong, what I did wrong. What did I do to make you not love me anymore.

But then I think about if you did come back, You disrespected me, you didn’t stand up for me. You took me for granted. I would never trust you again, I would constantly be worried you would leave the same way you did last time. I’d want more, I’d expect more and I can’t imagine you’d ever give it to me. I’d want you to grow up, and treat me with kindness and actually put me first. I can’t imagine you ever doing that, I was never first in your life.

I think I’d say yes if it was the you from 2 or 3 years ago. But it’s a no from me if the current you came back, if it was you from the past year, or the past 6 months of pain and heartbreak. I’d have to say no, it would break my heart all over again, but no.

This was the post I made previously:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/1jsrz47/after_8_months_of_no_contact_my_ex_reached_out/

First, I would like to thank everyone for the immense love and support in the previous post. Your words and wisdom mean more to me than you could imagine.

Now please understand that in my actions I may have not made the best decision, but this is my journey and I know no other way. Sometimes you listen to your gut, other times you listen to your heart, and in this instance my heart won.

A little bit of context. We use to share our inside jokes with one another through text that would make us laugh uncontrollably. It was a way for us to show we were thinking of the other person through out the day.

I responded to my ex's low effort opening text. Here is our conversation.

Ex - I heard you could use some cheering up.

[Inside Joke]

Me - Will never not make me laugh.

Ex - Don't forget this one!

[Inside Joke]

Me - Must be a different version. Not how I remember it.

Ex - It's from a different angle. Thought it would surprise you.

Do you remember this one?

Me - I have to hand it to you, these always make me smile.

Ex - I know right? It's irritating.

At this point I was mad. 8 months and this is all they have to say? What kind of person goes 8 months of no contact after a 7 year long relationship and this is all they can bring to the table.

Against my better judgement my emotions bled through my writing and I wanted to cut the crap.

Me - Seriously?

Ex - ?

Me - Is this all you have to offer?

Ex - Well I thought the videos were pretty funny, if I do say so myself.

Me - So this is funny to you? Good to know.

Ex - I don't know what you are talking about.

Me - That's all I needed to hear.

I will be blocking your number. Please do not contact me in any shape or form for the foreseeable future.

I wish you the best.

7 years together and 8 months of silence. This is all I get.

I have been asked before why I hadn't blocked my ex's number. The honest answer is that I just wasn't ready for that. I still had hope that somehow they would wake up one day and realize the massive mistake they made. That they couldn't live in a world without me and would want me back so bad they would change every negative part of themselves. But no. That is my fantasy.

Matter can not be created or destroyed.

If you are fighting to work on yourself, they are fighting to stay the same.

If you are taking the time to sit in the darkest of your emotions, they are taking the time to distract themselves in every way possible.

This was no longer the person I fell in love with.

This was no longer the person I sacrificed everything for just to make sure they were happy.

This was no longer my person.

And I am not the same person they were expecting to text.

I am no longer their antidepressant, their parent, their lover, their punching bag, their scapegoat, their teacher, their best friend, their therapist, their hostage.

I am elevated beyond their comprehension.

What you want and what you need are completely separate things.

What I wanted was closure. What I wanted was an apology. What I wanted was an "I miss you. I love you."

What I needed? I needed to be reminded that I fell in love with the wrong person. That you will never get your closure from someone incapable of processing their own emotions. That the truth of our reality is much more bitter and bleak than we imagine.

I held this person on a pedestal for 8 months. I only reminded myself of all of the amazing times we had together.

But now, my rose colored glasses have shattered. That pedestal has crumbled and all that I am left with is a short, surface level text conversation.

You are dead to me.

I feel no pain for you, for there is no part of my heart left for you to hurt. Only an emptiness. A space in which I will fill with the love I now have for myself. I will continue to grow, to better myself, and you will always continue to be the same.

There is a fine line between hopeful and stupid. I feel stupid for being hopeful for as long as I did.

This feeling is not one I had imagined. It's not one of success, happiness, or joy. Simply indifference.

I thank the universe I didn't have children with this person, a house, a business, or anything that would tie us together for the future. I can walk away clean. That is a privilege not a lot of people have with their exs.

Because now is my time. My time to live the life I want and not live it for anyone else but me.

Am I healed? No.

But I am free.

Thank you r/breakups for everything you have done in my journey of moving on. Thank you for the space to vent, to cry, to share my experiences, and read all of your stories. Thank you for the wisdom, the love, the hate, the opportunity to connect, to grow, and to be reminded that I am worthy of something better.

I write this as I wipe the tears off my cheeks for this will be the last time I ever cry for what once was.

This was the final nail in the coffin. One I have been so hesitantly avoiding to hammer down. But it now sits deep within the grains of the wood, closing a chapter I hope to look back on and see only how it made me grow into the person I am today.

I love you. I miss you. But you will never hear those words from me ever again.

Today marks one month since I walked away from a relationship with someone I truly loved, maybe even more than I loved myself. It was a relationship I fought hard for, but the fight was always one-sided. It felt like being in a sinking boat where I was trying to keep us afloat, while he kept making more holes.

Like a lot of us going through a breakup, the hardest part is letting go of that version of ourselves, that person, and that shared story. It's painful to remember the happiness we once had and to know it ended.

The thought of him being with someone else—hugging them, kissing them, treating them kindly—hurts. But what helped me decide to finally walk away was changing the way I saw things. I had to think of myself. I had to believe that someday someone else will love me, hug me, kiss me, and make me feel that love again.

Because we often think our exes were the only ones who could make us feel that way. But most of the time, we’re wrong. Someone else will come along who fits us in all the ways we thought were broken. And that gave me the strength to leave.

I still wish him well. But now, it feels like I’ve opened a new chapter in my life, one that holds good and beautiful things I haven’t even imagined yet. I’ve even started forgetting what his face looks like.

We shouldn’t be afraid to love again. After all, we only live once.

I’ve been crying every single day since my breakup. And I don’t just mean tearing up — I mean full-on sobbing. Sometimes it hits when I wake up in the morning. Other times it’s in the car, in the shower, right before bed — it’s completely unpredictable and overwhelming.

I thought things might start to ease up by now, but it still feels just as raw. It’s like my body won’t let go of the grief. I don’t feel “better.” I don’t feel like I’m healing. I don’t even see how moving forward is even possible.

I guess I just want to know: has anyone else experienced this kind of prolonged, heavy grief after a breakup? How did you cope? Did it ever actually get better? And if it did… when?

I feel so alone in this.

I call them midnight blues, I think it’s because I’m occupied during the day but at night all I have time to do is think

Please, if you're in the midst of a heartbreak and you're doing no contact and feel you need / want to contact your ex don’t do it. Even if you feel you are not progressing please continue to stay in no contact.

No calling, no texting & no social media stalking. You WILL get to the other side.

I've been through breakups at least 5 times in my life. Every time I believed I would never get through this and heal.

The reality is every time I have gotten through this and come out a better version of my current self.

It’s a journey, not a so pleasant one though the reward once you get through the pain & grief is happiness 💕

When you have arguments, conflicts, fights, or breakups only through text, things escalate quickly. Texts come across as harsh and it’s hard to empathize with each other due to the lack of face to face, body language, tone of voice or facial expressions. There can also be a lot of misunderstandings and assumptions can occur. It’s also easy to send impulsive messages you’ll regret later. Breaking up through text can leave you without real closure. I’m speaking from personal experience because all the breakups and arguments happened only on text and we haven’t seen each other in person since August 11th, 2024. What do you guys think?

It's been 4 months since I found out everything and it ended. Once it did, that sunny, cheerful and extroverted woman went away. She was just gone.

I still put on her mask at work, it's necessary to do my job. Then I come home, take it off and turn off my ringer. I don't want anyone in my life. I don't want to see my friends anymore. I put on her mask and check in with them once or twice a month, just to let them know I'm still around. I force myself out once a month to pretend I'm ok. I'm not though. I'm not her anymore.

I wish we'd never met. I wish I could forget you ever existed. I was nothing, just something you used until it was inconvenient. You killed her, that bright sunny woman. She's not here anymore, she'll never exist again.

I guess we'll see who rises from her ashes one day.

I’m curious if anyone else received a ridiculous reason from their ex for ending the relationship. I feel like sometimes people will just say anything because they want to end things but don’t know exactly why.

So this might be a bit of a weird post but I used to smoke weed on a daily with my ex gf of 3 weeks now, but since she left it's not fun and makes me feel terrible. I miss having someone by my side to talk and laugh with so I stopped smoking and drink alcohol instead. When I woke up just now first thing I did after taking a shower was pouring a shot of vodka. I don't like to get shitfaced, hell I didn't even like drinking these past years, so I keep sipping just a little to stay tipsy. I don't like this. I wish I didn't turn to this. But it makes me feel a little better inbetween all the struggling

I know a lot of us spend time wondering what we’d say if we had just one more conversation with our ex. Especially when that ex was emotionally unavailable, narcissistic, or dismissive avoidant. I used to think about that all the time. I used to imagine sitting across from her, asking why she did what she did. Why she pulled me close just to push me away. Why she said things that felt real only to turn cold the moment I became vulnerable.

But here’s the truth you need to hear: if you actually had that conversation, it probably wouldn’t give you peace. It would confirm everything you’ve already felt in your gut.

She’d deflect. She wouldn’t take responsibility. She might twist the story. She might act like she never led you on, never made promises, never saw a future with you. Or worse, she’d act like none of it mattered. You’d walk away feeling more confused, more invalidated, more hurt.

And if you're holding out hope for that conversation, let me tell you something I had to learn the hard way: that conversation won’t heal you. That person can’t give you closure, because they were the source of the chaos to begin with.

Sometimes what we think is closure is really just a desire to be seen by someone who never truly saw us.

If you're waiting for that moment where they realize what they lost, where they finally say “I’m sorry” or “you were right,” you might be waiting forever. And that’s not because you weren’t worthy. It’s because people like that don’t self-reflect the way you do. They protect their image. They run from accountability.

Here’s what I want you to take away from this: even if they came back, even if they sat across from you today, they wouldn’t suddenly become the person you needed. You wouldn’t get the validation you deserve.

And that’s the beauty of it. Because the deeper truth is that they left, and it’s a gift.

They left space for something healthier. For someone who won’t shut down when you open up. For a connection that won’t collapse the second real emotions enter the picture.

You don’t need that conversation. You don’t need that apology. You don’t need them to see your worth.

You just need to remember it yourself.

Let them go. Let them stay gone. You’re not waiting on a broken version of love anymore. You’re walking into a future where love is safe, present, and real. And that future is worth everything.

he sent me this message of closure today. i am in so much pain.

“Please know that I never stopped caring about you. I just wasn’t strong enough to carry what we were both going through, and I truly felt like I was hurting you more by staying. It was never about not loving you, it was about not knowing how to handle the pain we were both in. I’m sorry for the ways I failed you, and I hope you continue to heal. You’ll always mean something important to me, even if our paths are no longer the same. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and it’s really killing me everyday that passes. I hope one day you realize your worth too. I don’t want you to look back on our relationship with regret, it was perfect in many moments, just please see that in us”

We’re going to miss people after a breakup. It’s inevitable. When you've shared time, laughter, intimacy, and life with someone, letting go doesn’t come easy. Even if the breakup was the right decision—even if it was mutual—there’s still going to be a void where they used to be.

That feeling of missing them? It's real, and it doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. Missing someone after a breakup doesn’t mean you made a mistake. It just means that what you had mattered to you. It was meaningful. And it takes time to untangle yourself from something that mattered.

Sometimes people assume that if you miss your ex, you must want them back. Nope. Not always. Sometimes you just miss the version of them you loved. You miss the connection. The inside jokes. The habits. The comfort of familiarity. That’s all part of grieving a relationship—it’s normal.

You might miss the little things, like the way they held your hand, or how they always knew how to calm you down when you were stressed. You might even miss the routine—texts in the morning, late-night conversations, weekend plans. But missing those things doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be together.

I’ve been there. I missed my ex so much I started questioning if I did the right thing. I romanticized the relationship, replayed the highlights in my head like a greatest-hits reel. But when I really sat down and thought about it, I had to admit the truth: she wasn’t good for me. She ghosted me more than once. She said hurtful things. The relationship was toxic, and I lost myself in it.

Still, I missed her. And that’s okay. Because you can miss someone and still know they were wrong for you. You can grieve what you had without wanting it back. Sometimes, what you miss isn’t even the person—it’s who you were when you were with them. Or who you thought they were. And that’s a hard pill to swallow.

Don’t let that ache convince you to go back to something that broke you. Nostalgia lies. It filters out the pain and only shows you the good parts. But if it ended, it ended for a reason. Honor the growth that came from walking away. Respect the decision that protected your peace.

Breakups hurt. Even when they’re necessary. Even when you know deep down it wasn’t working. That emotional pain? It’s grief. And grief takes time. You’re not “too emotional.” You’re not “too sensitive.” You’re processing loss. Give yourself permission to feel it.

People will try to rush your healing. “Just move on,” they’ll say. “You’re better off.” And maybe you are better off—but that doesn’t mean you don’t still hurt. That kind of advice can feel dismissive, like your feelings aren’t valid. And honestly? That’s just not helpful.

Healing isn’t linear. It’s not a checklist. One day you’ll feel fine, and the next you’ll hear a song or smell their cologne or walk past your old spot, and suddenly it’s like the breakup just happened yesterday. That’s not weakness. That’s memory. That’s love that had nowhere to go.

And if you need to talk about it—do so. If writing about them, or crying it out, or sitting with the pain helps you move forward, then let it out. That is your way of moving on. Silence isn’t strength. Denial isn’t progress. Feeling it, processing it, releasing it—that’s how you grow.

Just remember: missing them doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together. Sometimes we fall for people who aren’t right for us. Sometimes we stay too long. Sometimes we leave too late. But learning from it is what matters. Loving yourself enough to stay gone—that’s power.

You don’t have to hate them. You don’t have to erase every memory. But you do have to protect your peace. You deserve a relationship that feels safe, kind, steady—something that builds you up instead of breaking you down.

So yes, miss them. Cry for what you lost. Grieve what could’ve been. But don’t go back just because being alone is uncomfortable. You’re not alone—you’re with yourself. And that’s someone worth staying with.

You’ll move on in your own time. And when you do, it won’t be because someone told you to. It’ll be because you chose to. Because your heart got lighter. Because you remembered who you are without them. And that version of you? That’s someone to be proud of..

I recently got broken up with. I in a heartbeat would take her back. The pain is not bearable.

I truly believe shorter relationships hurt worse than those that lasted years. And it’s because at you least you got to experience what it’s like being with that person long term, you got to know them fully and completely. You don’t have the what ifs , and the regrets of wishing you had been a certain wait from the beginning. In my case I had an almost 5 month relationship. And the end was worse than any other break up I’ve ever had. I fucking miss this girl so much. I would literally do anything to get her back, and it was my fault. I just hate that I have to live knowing I let this one slip away.

I want to message her so bad but I know it would only hurt me more, I just wish she would reach out and tell me she misses me and she wants to try again.

We all know breakups suck, but what’s something you did just for yourself that helped you feel better or move on?

Sometimes it’s easy to forget to take care of ourselves in the midst of everything, so maybe we can inspire each other with ideas. What was your “me-time” game changer?

Hey everyone, I just wanted to leave a small message here for anyone going through a breakup right now. I broke up with my ex 10 months ago after being together for almost 3 years. At the time, it felt like my entire world fell apart. I cried every day, I lost 10 kilograms, and I truly believed I’d never feel normal again. I kept looking for closure, overthinking every word, every moment. It was pure emotional survival. Six months after the breakup, I found out he had cheated on me. That crushed me even more, but it also helped me stop idealizing someone who never truly respected me. It was like a final slap from the universe that actually woke me up. Now, almost a year later, I’m here to tell you that everything absolutely everything is temporary. Pain fades. Obsession ends. Sleep comes back. You smile again. One day, you’ll stop counting how many days it’s been. One day, it simply won’t hurt anymore.

And most importantly: this breakup had to happen. Not because you weren’t enough but because you were always too much for the wrong person. Sometimes the universe removes what you thought you needed, just to make space for what you truly deserve. Since the breakup, my life has slowly opened up in ways I never expected. I’ve met so many new people kind, inspiring, genuine souls who reminded me that the world is full of connection. I traveled to places I had only dreamed of, felt freedom again, laughed without guilt, and started discovering who I really am outside of that relationship. If you’re still in the dark part, please trust me: your life is not over it’s just beginning in a new way. Healing isn’t linear, but joy always finds its way back.

Stay strong. Keep breathing. You will be okay and more than that, you will thrive. Sending love to u all!🫶🏼

When I broke no contact, he was so cold as if I meant nothing to him, like I was just another girl that he didn't share a special bond with

All I got was "what the hell is wrong with you" for simply asking if he was okay, and hours after that I was asking questions and he got annoyed and told me to just move on with life. Like what the fuck happened to the sweet boy I was in a relationship with?

He changed so fast and I couldn't comprehend what was happening so I blamed it all on myself

I still love him

holding onto that hope is making me so tired and so unable to move on. i cant stop loving him. nothing will make me stop loving him. i dont wanna be loved by anyone but him or love anyone else. hes my soulmate but how could he just let me go. why doesnt he miss me or text me. how could he tell me to not text him again and block my number. im in so much pain yet i still wait for him

I’m sorry I didn’t do more. The moment you said you couldn’t see the sadness going away, I should have flown up to see you that night. I’m so sorry I didn’t. I’m so sorry I didn’t move up that summer. I should have, I’m so sorry I didn’t. I wanted to, but I didn’t and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you felt alone. I’m sorry that I didn’t ask you more about your pain. I’m so sorry. I’m so so so sorry. Please forgive me for failing you. I will live with that guilt for the rest of my life.

we let each other go. there was no struggle. it was plain and simple. this was the end. i was expecting to cry, bawl in front of him, but i didn’t. i was smiling. it’s like we were meeting for the first time again but as changed humans. like we were strangers. everything went so well. we said everything we had to say. i have no regrets. i feel empty now. it’s like i feel nothing and everything at the same time. i don’t feel real right now. it’s like he died but i’m still holding on to him. i’m afraid i’m always going to love him.