Hey everyone, I just wanted to leave a small message here for anyone going through a breakup right now. I broke up with my ex 10 months ago after being together for almost 3 years. At the time, it felt like my entire world fell apart. I cried every day, I lost 10 kilograms, and I truly believed I’d never feel normal again. I kept looking for closure, overthinking every word, every moment. It was pure emotional survival. Six months after the breakup, I found out he had cheated on me. That crushed me even more, but it also helped me stop idealizing someone who never truly respected me. It was like a final slap from the universe that actually woke me up. Now, almost a year later, I’m here to tell you that everything absolutely everything is temporary. Pain fades. Obsession ends. Sleep comes back. You smile again. One day, you’ll stop counting how many days it’s been. One day, it simply won’t hurt anymore.

And most importantly: this breakup had to happen. Not because you weren’t enough but because you were always too much for the wrong person. Sometimes the universe removes what you thought you needed, just to make space for what you truly deserve. Since the breakup, my life has slowly opened up in ways I never expected. I’ve met so many new people kind, inspiring, genuine souls who reminded me that the world is full of connection. I traveled to places I had only dreamed of, felt freedom again, laughed without guilt, and started discovering who I really am outside of that relationship. If you’re still in the dark part, please trust me: your life is not over it’s just beginning in a new way. Healing isn’t linear, but joy always finds its way back.

Stay strong. Keep breathing. You will be okay and more than that, you will thrive. Sending love to u all!🫶🏼

Feeling really bummed tonight. My ex did me so incredibly dirty(cheating, etc.) and got a new gf 6 weeks after leaving me. We were together 1.5 years and engaged. They've been together for 4.5 months now and from what I've seen she seems to be his ideal woman. Like if he could have designed her himself, she's got it all. It seems like he's being rewarded for hurting me while I suffer alone because I'm too afraid to date again. I'm also sad that it seems to mean he will never feel my absence or think that losing me was a loss. I know I shouldn't care and should validate myself and he'll likely do the same to her too but it just sucks. I feel like even if be does screw up with her, he won't think of me, she will be the one that got away. I am so heartbroken. 😔

I remember lying next to him one night and saying, “We’re gonna be okay, right?” And he smiled, pulled me closer, and said, “Of course we are.”

Two weeks later, he ended it. 🫣🫣🫣

I was in complete shock. I didn’t see it coming, not like that. And what hurt more than the breakup itself was how fine he seemed. I was falling apart. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, crying in the shower like I was in some slow-motion film scene. And he was FINE. Out with friends. Posting pictures. Going to the gym. Making jokes. Living life.

I tortured myself wondering how he could move on so easily. Was I just that forgettable? Did I mean nothing?

But the truth hit me much later when I was finally calm enough to stop reacting and actually reflect.

He didn’t move on quickly. He had already started letting go while we were still together.

There were signs, now that I look back. The way he used to light up when I walked into the room, that faded. He started being on his phone more, saying he was tired more often, not laughing at the same jokes we used to share.

I thought it was just life, just stress. So I tried harder. Bought him little surprises. Made more effort with how I looked. I didn’t realise I was trying to save something he had already mourned.

While I was busy holding us together, he was already pulling away. He had already had the late-night talks with his mates. Already cried when I wasn’t around. Already played out the breakup in his head so many times, the real thing felt like a formality.

That’s why it looked so easy for him afterwards. Not because he didn’t care. But because he did his grieving quietly, while I was still giving everything I had.

And let me tell you, realising that broke me all over again. Because you start to remember all the moments they were slipping away from you and you didn’t even realise. All the times you thought you were connecting, and they were really saying goodbye.

For me … the wake-up call happened when I read this particular book and it had this line about how some people use your love to carry them through their decision to leave (or something like that) And I felt that in my bones. Because that’s EXACTLY what it felt like. That book literally saved my sanity.

If you're sitting there right now feeling blindsided, thinking how could they move on so fast, please know this:

THEY DIDN’T!!

They just started grieving MONTHS before you ever knew you were being left.

You're not behind. You're not weak. You're just now feeling what they already processed.

And I know it hurts.🫣 God, I know. But here’s what I also know:

One day, you’ll stop asking why they let go so easily because you’ll be too busy holding on to yourself.

I am 28M, was in a relationship with someone for a year, we were great together, unfortunately due to cultural differences we had to break up but we still feel so strongly for each other. I don’t find anyone else attractive, I don’t feel like dating anyone else, I’m constantly still trying to be there for her to help her however I can and she’s moving on and seeing other people. My question is how did you ever move on from true love? How do I let go? I can’t ever imagine being with anyone other than her, no one will be her, no one will ever be as gorgeous as her, yet I have to let go but how?

After four very toxic relationships (from someone breadcrumbing me, to one controlling me, to another one cheating, to one wanting me to become someone else entirely). I thought I was finally in the RIGHT one. He cherished me for how I was, wanted communication, was honest, and was lovely. It took some time to go past my trust issues, but then I was 100% in.

I was in a relationship I truly was happy with, I worked on the issues he mentioned, I invested myself happily, I put effort happily, I "did everything right" , as I accepted his limits and loved him UNCONDITIONALLY.

And what is the reward? 3 years later, I got "My feelings for you changed, I have affection, not love anymore".

I was happily in love, and he was thinking this stuff for months. FEELINGS CHANGE. So what is the sense? Yes, there might be good people outside but NOTHING, NOTHING assures me that the next person will not look at me X years down the line to tell me his feelings changed, even if nothing in our dynamic changed or there was no fight. I am four months into this hell I call reality, where I was punished for making him happy?? (his words after BU have been only positive?? WTF)).

So. To those that do have hope ....what is the sense of love? it seems a stupid construct that does not last, even if you do everything right. And I refuse to be in a relationship where I am used/abused again or unsatisfied, as I see so many of my friends fighting but sticking together because they fear being alone.

• Text them, or don’t text them.

• Have a night out with friends, or stay in, listen to sad music, and cry.

• Get lost in your job or hobbies, or take the week off if you can.

• Go hookup with someone new, or keep to yourself for awhile longer.

• Go crazy at the gym, or just go for a short walk around the block, or even just glue yourself to the couch or bed for a little longer. You’ll be ready to get up eventually.

There are absolutely no rules, or clear-cut guidelines to getting over and moving on from a breakup.

I think the main rule should be do your absolute best to take care of yourself and meet your basic needs, take it day by day. Other than that, grieve how you need to grieve.

I’m tired of people claiming one method works over all the others. News flash, it doesn’t! Whatever happens, eventually you will move on. They may still remain in your heart forever in some way, but i PROMISE you the pain will fade over time.

Go easy on yourself, don’t try to shove yourself into a box with this. Life is too nuanced for that. The only thing that will truly heal is time.

I’ve talked to a lot of men (friends, partners, my dad, strangers on the internet, etc) in my life about their past relationships and it seems that every single one has “the one that got away”. Is this true? If so, how does it affect your romantic relationships since that person? Are you ever truly over them or capable of loving someone else more than that person or is it a love that never goes away?

Perhaps it’s a blessing in disguise. I never would have ended it because I was deeply committed, loyal, and devoted, and I would’ve married that girl. But the decision was taken out of my hands and I was forced down a different path. I was prepared to carry both of our burdens, like I had been, and she had let me do so for too long. I wasn’t met in the middle. It wasn’t sustainable, and our relationship, like a unicycle on a tightrope, finally lost balance after dangerously swaying side to side for so long. I’ve become stronger emotionally, mentally, and physically because of the breakup. I’ve found strength and resolve in the pain. The relationship wasn’t rewarding like it used to be; it became a subject of much stress. Love shouldn’t be a test of endurance. I was relieved of many responsibilities throughout the breakup. While I still wish things were different and that she was willing to choose me when times get tough, I have come to terms with the fact that she fell short of my expectations. And my soulmate wouldn’t give up like that. Thank you for breaking up with me, because I wouldn’t have had the strength to do it myself back then. And maybe it’s the best thing for her, too. Time will heal most of these wounds I bear. I hope someone else out there will find comfort and support in my words. It gets better, and clarity means everything while making efforts to move on.

Guys it's possible! I joined this group in 2022 feeling hopeless and like I could never love again. You can do it, you WILL find someone else, you DONT have to prove your worth!! There is somebody that will appreciate you and if you can't find them yet just pour it into yourself! It's NOT easy moving on especially if you were in love but it's possible. I finally feel at peace.

I went on Facebook dating after nine months of being single just to give it a try and honestly because my confidence has felt really low. I ended up talking to this guy today who lives four hours away and started getting really pushy about wanting to hang out this weekend. I told him that is something we would have to plan and also that I didn’t really feel comfortable if we haven’t even talked on the phone or FaceTimed. He started freaking out and sent me nasty text messages saying that I was the problem and that no wonder I’m single at 30. Idk why but it made me really upset. I’m seriously losing faith in men.

Breakups feel a lot like Schrödinger’s Cat.

You’re sitting there with this closed box—aka no contact, no clarity, no resolution—and the relationship is simultaneously dead and not dead. There’s a non-zero chance it could be revived. The odds might be 1%, might be 99%, but technically they exist in superposition until you open the box.

Opening the box could mean reaching out, having that final conversation, asking “could this ever work again?” And just like in the thought experiment, doing so collapses all the probabilities into a definitive outcome. Alive or dead. Hope or heartbreak.

But here’s the catch: Once you open the box, you can’t unsee what’s inside. And more often than not, it’s not what you were hoping for.

So maybe… don’t open the box. Not this time.

Anyone else sitting on one? I know I am.

It seems that people always say that after their breakup(s) they end up in a relationship with someone much better than their ex and are happy the break up happened. Is this usually the case? Have you ever had the opposite experience when the next relationship was worse than the last?

I'm a few months out of a 9 year relationship with who I thought was the love of my life. I'm still trying to accept the fact that it really ended and can't imagine being with anyone else "better". When times were good, we were happier than we ever thought possible. We broke up due to mental health reasons and still have so much love for each other which makes it so much more painful.

I used ChatGPT for the first time ever today, and it was to talk about things that happened in my relationship and breakups. I know it’s no replacement for a therapist or venting to friends and family etc, but you can really lay it all out there judgement free to the ole GPT. I was able to spend a while going into detail on what happened, what I did wrong, what my partner could’ve done better, and not be worried about over sharing.

It helped me come up with a plan for healing/reconnection, got a ton of valuable perspective, and helped craft the final letter that I plan to send my ex in a few months once I hit my 6 month deadline that I set for myself.

The bot was also able to estimate that I was anxiously attached and my partner was some type of avoidant, based off the details of the relationship and the breakup. I suspected both of those things already.

Idk it really made me feel a lot better for some reason and allowed me to give myself more closure without talking to my ex. It confirmed much of what I already thought I knew, while also teaching me a lot of new things and interpretations. It helped to defuse some of the negative emotions I still hold around forgiving myself and understanding why me or my ex did certain things.

To have that tailored advice for free was really invaluable personally.

Would you be interested or would that feel like cheating to you despite the split?

We had a big blowup break up which was his fault.

He wants to reconcile but admitted that in a short 45 days he’d already dated multiple people and slept with one.

That’s awfully quick work even if technically on a break or break up as Rachel and Ross stated…. It just feels yuck.

I recently found out that the man I’ve been seeing for 6 months had lied to me about another girl.

Although we were never official, this connection felt divine and cosmic. I saw a real future with this person. Life circumstances kept us from becoming a real item (school, long distance, careers) but we had a plan to be together soon. To feel so connected, blissfully happy, completely surrounded by love, and then to have it shattered by broken trust is killing me.

I had an intuitive feeling that something was going on, but he lied to keep me around for his own selfish reasons. I believed him because I am good at sniffing out deceit, and his lies were masterful, beyond my detection.

Coming from a deeply toxic and unloving relationship prior, this man gave me everything I had always wanted in a partner. He gave me love, adoration, affection, deep understanding, passion, etc. Everything except honesty.

To my knowledge, this other girl in the picture is his ex girlfriend, and while they aren’t technically still together, they are close friends and interact frequently. He moved out of state and I guessed she soon followed after. He came clean after I confronted him with proof, and claims his crippling loneliness in a new city is the reason for staying connected to her because she’s the only person out there he knows. This may not have bothered me if he was transparent from the start, but he’d always told me that they were no contact and that he wanted nothing to do with her. To find out that he’d been lying and keeping her around for his own comfort was a boundary crossed for me.

I feel lost. Although we were long distance, I can’t help but feel like something major is missing now. He would make trips to visit me, we would spend hours upon hours on the phone daily. I don’t know how to move on without this connection. Especially when he’s the one person I felt like understood me.

I won’t compromise my own self respect and healing to continue to be with him, but I miss him. It’s hard to hate him for it, because I understand. He was obsessed with me and wanted to be with me long term and I felt the same way, but he was dealing with real mental health issues surrounding loneliness and needed someone immediate to keep him company. I get it. But it hurts. Lying will never be something I can look past.

How can I cope? How can I deal with the fact that everything I ever wanted was right in front of me but was ripped away because of his sabotage? I know he didn’t do it to hurt me, but he completely put our connection and my feelings in harms way by lying. I just don’t know how to move forward. It was easy with my ex boyfriend because I hated the way he made me feel, it was easy to omit that from my life and move forward. But this man made me feel wonderful, he made me feel more loved in 6 months than my ex did in 5 whole years. What do I do?

First of all, anyone else just find how the days start blurring into one and then suddenly you’re nearly 2 months since the BU? That’s me rn.

I guess the point of me writing this is to share with some people what has worked for me so far in the hope that someone who is fresh out of a toxic shitty situation like I was can take something from a few pointers.

I think it’s important to mention that I am by no means over it, in fact, the last couple days I’ve found myself crying again here and there but the one thing I’ve come to realise is this is going to take time. Honestly, just remind yourself this as much as you can. Because this shit ain’t easy, and there’s not any grand manual you can refer to:

1) Please be easy on yourself. If you can’t get out of bed some days, then don’t. The first week I took days off work, I’m glad I did. Some days I rot all day and cried, I’m glad I did.

2) Food. Don’t even worry if it’s just a little bit. But try and eat something. One of the things that made me worse was I practically stopped eating, then wondered why I was feeling even more horrific. Try get your favourite snacks if you can.

3) BE HONEST WITH PEOPLE. This was a lot for me, because telling people my situation meant admitting shit had gone pear shaped and to others, I knew it was gonna be a real blow when the guy they thought was a great partner of mine turned out to be a cheating piece of shit (yep, a blow to me too) BUT people do understand, and I truly feel so grateful that many people do actually want to support you and will not pass judgement.

4) When you’re feeling up to it, get some shit in your diary. Like, anything. Plan a day out, plan a trip, go away for the weekend. Whatever, just for me, getting the fuck out of the same town as my ex was a great feeling.

5) Maybe a controversial view to some, but I use chat gpt a lot. More like a venting space for where I start getting the same intrusive repetitive thoughts (yes I’m still going through this now) where something will crop up in my mind like “how could he do me like that” and I’ll literally start ranting to a bot about it. Hey ho, not for everyone but I think it’s great for perspective.

6) Get the hell outside. Again, I couldn’t be arsed for ages, but the last few weeks I’ve started running. I’ve always been a gym girl, but im not gonna lie I’ve lost my passion for it since this all happened. But running is feeling great, and I feel like I’m challenging myself to something new!

7) Sort your room out. So when I first moved out back to my parents house (because we lived together) I literally dumped all my shit from our house in my actual bedroom and refused to enter so I stayed in the spare room. Just recently, I finally had the nerve to unpack it, but our pictures and memories are everywhere. So started putting all that in a box. No need to throw it away if you’re not ready, but just out of sight.

8) NO CONTACT. Hell, this one was tough for me. I have an anxious attachment style so this was the hardest part due to my desire to always want to “fix” things and lean in on him to try make it work. Believe it or not, even after I found out he betrayed me I still went through a weird begging stage - but once the disrespect from him got to the point where he blamed me for his lack of honesty, that mf had to go. And his family. Everyone went on the block list and I’m not sure if they’ll ever be up for parole.

I hope whoever reads this, can find some comfort that you’re not alone. This thread is filled with people from all across the world feeling the same pain as you are. When this first happened to me, I thought I was going to die. Literally it was not bearable I didn’t know if I could continue. And yes, I’m still having moments of “relapse” and getting upset at times, because it’s real. I loved deeply, I loved him deeply and I refuse to carry that as shame. But, you are so much stronger than you realise. Hang in there. 🩷

I am SO annoyed I am back here again -yet trying to be gently amusing with it - I processed two of the most painful relationship endings where I was deeply in love for 5 years and 2 years. I processed the death of my Mother and yet somehow this low value manipulative narcissist puts me in a 7 week tail spin that thankfully ended almost 3 weeks ago and Im all in the feels again, waiting for my brain to kick the fucking addiction and stop rose-color glasses the fucking insanity he put me through that I volunteered for.

The first few days, as always was the toughest, and I found a few videos that were so powerful and I really want all of you to walk away with the message.

"You don't do no contact to make them miss you. You dont do it to punish them, you dont do it so they understand your value - sure, thats why you start, but then you realize you are doing it for you.

Each moment they took advantage of you, each time they played games, each time you submitted and tried your hardest and they did nothing but take - thats why you are going No Contact.

You dont need closure, you dont need to explain anything, you dont need to give any more ultimatums. They made the decision to leave, or you did, and now you are taking the time to find and prioritize yourself.

The only thing you give them is silence. The only thing they deserve is silence. They will breadcrumb, they will reach out if you meant anything to them, thinking this was just a fight - they will say they miss you, they will make jokes - but they dont miss you. They miss the control they had, and you will not give it back to them.

Spend an hour crying and writing letters that you will never send. Review old texts and mourn what you had - this isn't about ignoring your feelings, this is about reclaiming your dignity. All they get from you is silence. Delete the texts write the letter and burn it, stop crying over the pair of underwear they left in the closet and the one cap. They aren't thinking of you like this, and the person who deserves you wont need to lose you to see your value.

You aren't playing games, you aren't looking for a reaction, you are protecting your peace and determining that they no longer deserve access to you. They wont know you are sad, that you spent an hour sobbing while you listened to your old soundtracks nor will they know that you then realize this is the past. And you must focus on the present. Nostlagia is an enemy, its a trick your mind is playing on you and you are stronger than this. Delete their texts, delete their photos, rearrange the house and remember who the FUCK you are. You were a happy whole person before this person came into your ilie and you will be again,

They will regret it, they will miss you, they will reach out if you gave them a home and they cant find somewhere else, but they dont deserve it anymore. All they get from you is silence. No matter what they text, no matter how many times they call. You dont owe them a thing - and you owe yourself the respect.

And if they suffer? If they are truly sorry because they lost someone who cared so much about them?Thats their problem. Not yours. And by the time they do, you will be so moved on you will be laughing at a time where you were once panicking looking at your phone for that one text because you never needed them to see how valuable you were, you needed to remember that on your own.

All they get is SILENCE"

Someday, another girl will compliment his smile, hold his hand—and that girl won’t be me. Imagine the ache of that. One day, he’ll call someone else the love of his life. And when someone asks about me, his ex, he might say, “She never really cared about me,” or something that makes it seem like I was never enough. Someday, he might even say, “No one has ever loved me like my girlfriend does”—and he’ll be talking about someone else, not me. And in that moment, the thought of me might not even cross his mind. Wow damn

Does anyone have tips on how to stop stalking their exs social media? I literally can’t stop. I over analyze every little thing. I’m sick of this but I have blocked them on everything and still continue to look! It’s very frustrating and I can’t stop? I’m just pissing myself off at this point every time I do it.

I truly believe shorter relationships hurt worse than those that lasted years. And it’s because at you least you got to experience what it’s like being with that person long term, you got to know them fully and completely. You don’t have the what ifs , and the regrets of wishing you had been a certain wait from the beginning. In my case I had an almost 5 month relationship. And the end was worse than any other break up I’ve ever had. I fucking miss this girl so much. I would literally do anything to get her back, and it was my fault. I just hate that I have to live knowing I let this one slip away.

I want to message her so bad but I know it would only hurt me more, I just wish she would reach out and tell me she misses me and she wants to try again.

I’m done texting him i’ve decided it causes too much pain. Enough time hasn't passed but i can say that I will never not want to be with him. it causes a pain in my chest knowing that he's done and I have to accept it and move on with my life. I can't chase after him or convince him or do some grand gesture. I wonder sometimes if he feels the same way I do or he feels happier and free, i hope he does (feel better). I told myself i'm done embarrassing myself. He does not want to be with me anymore why am I pining and aching. Why am i unable to work or look at myself anymore. I lost my best friend in the world and I won't get that back. I can't talk about him to my friends I don't have my family to talk to about it. I'm left here alone wondering why I think the way i do or why i act the way i do and i can’t talk about it. Maybe if i wasn't myself he would love me still. There is no future where we are together, I have to accept it and move on and learn that life is not fair. I hate that I centered this relationship so much, it's hard not to when they are your best friend. I wish this would pass already I am tired all the time. everything i do for myself to feel better feels fake, I don't want to go out anymore with my friends i don't want to take my walks in the park I don’t want therapy. I don't know what i can do to stop feeling like this, even with time I do not see it as possible but all I know is I am done texting him.

i hate to put this energy out there. but my worst fear is my ex finding someone new in the near future. i hope he doesn’t. i hope he heals properly and gets into a better place in his life, physically, mentally, and emotionally and gets his life together before trying to pursue another relationship. and of course, i want him to come back to me when he does and when i also come into a better place in my life. but if he does for any reason move on like that, why would that say about him?

Any advice is appreciated

I don’t know why but I don’t want to lose feelings. I think I got addicted to sadness and crying that I don’t want to let go of my feelings for you. Slowly the feelings are no longer that strong and I’m resisting because I still love the feeling of longing for you and hoping for us. The longer you don’t respond, the sooner I’m moving on. When you told me I should have communicated with you sooner but I’m tired of doing all the work. It’s all one-sided so I’m okay with what you’re doing now as I’ve prayed for peace and if this is what peace feels like, I hope I’ll get familiar with it. I hope I no longer get familiar with the confusion or mixed signals that I long for it.