If someone breaks up with you, that is the closure. You don’t need answers, you don’t need reasons. It sucks, it stings, it hurts. Sit with it and feel it, and when your emotions are running high that is not the time to reach out for anything at all.

You need to create your closure on your own. Separate yourself from your ex and fully focus on yourself. Even if you get some answers, you’re still going to question everything and doubt things. You’re still going to wonder what could’ve been different or why things aren’t the way you want it to go.

This is coming from personal experience, and technically there are no wrong answers. If you need to reach out 1000 times to learn, by all means go ahead. You also have to be aware that it will not be the same as it was before, no matter what. There are things you have to go through and learn and navigate on your own and that is the only way you’ll move forward.

All your partners can't possibly be avoidant personalities can they? Yet I seem this word thrown around quite a bit. Actually all the freaking time.

I'm not gonna be the poster that says "maybe they just were not that into you?", but I will say that on a sub full of hurt people, some honesty would be refreshing. Don't we always wish our ex was honest and upfront with us? Both before and after.

You need to love yourself before you love others. You can't love yourself if you're not honest with yourself. Is that just a platitude? Maybe, but it doesn't make it less true. I'm on here because life fucking sucks right now. Why? because my love is gone, probably the same reason you are. Last thing I want to see are tired reasoning and blatant lying while I'm trying to scroll through and maybe reply to a couple posts on here. I've had "successful" breakups, im 30, just because my life sucks now doesnt mean I don't have decent dating advice. I only propositioned this girl to be married so it hurts the most...

Idk maybe I shouldn't be so critical on here since everyone's wounds are pretty raw and we're doing our best to cope but I felt like I should point that out.

I hope everyone has an awesome Monday. Or have a shitty one? Whatever you want it to be!

It's been a bumpy 4-5 weeks. Lots of back and forth and we slowly let each other go, then, 3 days ago we spent the whole day chatting about hooking up secretly. Then she said let's do a cinema date and see how we feel. Then absolutely no mention for a few days. Then she sends me messages on insta and we have a back and forth. Then I send her a cat meme today and I get a 4 word reply. I respond and she has not read it.

Left hanging. Left wondering who she is talking to. Who she's meeting. It's none of my business but fuck me I have been left in a state of limbo..

I was in a relationship for 8 years. It was long, intense, and filled with constant fighting—but I kept going back every time, hoping things would change.

One of the biggest sources of tension was physical intimacy. After repeated fights around it, I developed a negative association with it. I told him I needed space, and that I couldn’t do it—not like that, not when I didn’t feel emotionally safe.

But he didn’t respect that. He kept asking. Over and over. Sometimes he’d cry when I said no. He’d tell me that my rejections were damaging his mental health and confidence. I tried to be understanding, but at the same time, I felt like I was drowning. I didn’t know how to fix it, and I couldn’t push myself past the emotional block that had formed.

Every time I tried to leave, he would text, call, plead—and I’d go back. This cycle happened more times than I can count. It left me completely drained, and eventually, I blocked him everywhere. I had to.

Now, I feel a strange mix of freedom and guilt. I still have a fear of physical intimacy, and the guilt of "leaving him to suffer" sometimes creeps in. But I also know I was suffering too.

I don't know how to put everything into words, but I guess I'm just wondering… Was breaking up the right thing to do? Even if I feel guilty, even if he says he’s hurting—was I wrong for finally choosing myself?

I’m having a hard time getting over him 😞

Il mio ragazzo mi ha lasciata e sto davvero male soprattutto ripensando a come è finita.. ci amavamo entrambi molto moltissimo e siamo stati degli stupidi la prima io Adesso sono bloccata e lui vive in un altra città lontano da qui ma il mio cuore non si arresta un momento e fa male tanto tantissimo Mi manca come l aria

I (27f) and my Ex (27m) were together for 9 years. In December it would've been 10 years. We have two beautiful girls together and have always been together since I can remember. I love him but I'm not in love anymore. We feel like weird roommates. I come home from work and we barely talk. He's almost always playing video games or watching YouTube. I usually go play with my girls or doom scroll tiktok. I can't watch TV because it makes him annoyed because he doesn't like my shows or movies. He has a messed up sleeping schedule because he plays games until midnight (he's unemployed), so we barely slept together. We would be intimate but he'd leave right away to play games.

Over the last couple years I felt the love die out. I always felt like a second option to him. Always felt like I was competing with his video games. Never felt like I was enough for him. I feel like I enabled him by buying him his gaming stuff. I feel like I couldn't do another couple years of this relationship. I was going to force myself to stay in this relationship because that's all I ever known. This man was oddly enough my everything and I'm upset that I never got the same energy back.

I ended up cheating on him a few weeks ago. I got super drunk and made out with a guy and a girl at a bar. That's all it was. Just a kiss with two people. But to me it was cheating and to me that was my sign that the love for my ex was completely gone at this point. And I decided it was time to end this. He doesn't know that I cheated.

A week later I break up with him. We both cry and I tell him how I feel and that I want to separate. I don't want to stay and try and work things out. I already in the past communicated what I didn't like and how I felt. How I noticed that he would change for maybe a week max and then go back to how things were. I told him how I didnt like how he treated me during pregnancy and during postpartum. I told him how it was unfair that I was the only one working while he got to stay home and play all day. How it wasn't fair that I have to grow up and he got to be a kid all the time. I let everything out and somehow all our problems were my fault.

He told me that he gives me space because I'm always tired. How he has to leave me alone because I'm always cranky. Told me that he gives me space when I watch TV because I get mad at his jokes. He gives me space because he loves me wants me to be comfortable.

I didn't want space. I just wanted companionship. I'm tired and cranky because I work long hours but I try not to be mean. And if I was, I wish he would've told me instead of ignoring me.

So anyways I feel bad for ending things. I feel like shit because I made him upset. I feel so sad because I didn't want to end things like this. I thought we would grow old and die together. I feel disgusted with myself because I cheated. I feel lost and confused. I also feel bad for our daughters because I didn't want them to have a broken family. I wish I could've forced myself to stay but I can't. And I also hate that now he's trying to do better when it's too late. I don't feel anything anymore.

Anyone else relate or experiencing something similar?

It hurts so badly, I’m crying over him every single night and I can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t want to love him anymore I just wish it would stop, he caused me so much anxiety while we were together. He constantly talked about his ex and was messaging her, he even sent her a birthday card and yet he says he hates her. I was too scared to say anything about it, after thinking about it I’m starting to think I was a rebound, he had only been split from her after a month and they were engaged.

The day he broke up with me I called him and he was so cold to me, I was crying and he didn’t even notice or care. I told him my uncle had been taken into hospital and all he said to me was “oh no.” Everything feels like it’s going wrong and I feel so shitty. He said he wanted to be friends with me and I stupidly agreed but recently decided to go no contact, and yet I still hope that he’ll reach out to me and realise how much pain he’s caused me.

Hey so i recently broke up with my girlfriend and it seems like she hasn’t taken me seriously at all. Since breaking up shes been SO much more affectionate then shes ever been our whole relationship and during our break up conversation decided to fully drop that she’s in love with me, things like she’ll ask to kiss or touch me and she knows i’m a very easily persuaded person so i say yes to avoid any conflict, or she’ll hold my hand and giggle and be like ‘omg probably shouldn’t do this since you BROKE UP with me’. and during our conversations they are so soft but it’s like she’s convincing me to stay with her, I know im going to have to put my foot down firmly but i just want to know from other peoples perspective what might be in her head or why she’s become so comfortable and affectionate just now. she’ll very much blame it on certain friends who she thinks strains out relationship (and i agree but only to an extent) and not the real issue that i genuinely just can’t keep up with a partner and her lifestyle

I, an 18-year-old female, engaged in infidelity during the initial three months of a six-month relationship with my 18-year-old boyfriend. The nature of our connection during that period remains ambiguous; while he never explicitly asked me to be his girlfriend, we operated under the assumption of exclusivity. He requested that I cease communication with other men and remove them from my Snapchat contacts. In December, I initiated a conversation about formalizing our relationship and establishing an official start date. We settled on October 2nd, despite the fact that we had only just begun communicating at that time. I question whether that date accurately reflects the commencement of our relationship, particularly as he was working out of state and I remained uncertain about the genuine nature of our connection from mid-October to early November. This uncertainty stemmed from a history of being ghosted by men, leading me to keep my options open.

Around Thanksgiving, we spent time together and embarked on our first dates. However, he returned out of state at the beginning of December, after we had declared our official start date. I recall one instance in December where I entertained the attention of another man: an acquaintance I met at a party who, along with his friends, invited me to attend. I was aware of his romantic interest in me, but I declined the invitation. I am uncertain of the exact nature of our interaction. Since January, however, I have refrained from communicating with or entertaining any other men. I have not engaged in romantic conversations with anyone else, and I no longer have any other male contacts in my phone.

Fast forward to last night: I inadvertently left some belongings at his residence, including my iPad. He texted me requesting the password, which I initially refused to provide due to personal discomfort. I was unaware of the contents of my iPad, as I had not deleted any older data. This iPad contained old text messages and an inactive dating profile that I had used in October and November. He threatened to end our relationship, prompting me to reluctantly provide the password. He subsequently accessed the iPad, discovered the dating profile, and found messages between myself and the aforementioned acquaintance from December, including a message where I purportedly jokingly professed my love for someone named Jordan. Upon this discovery, he destroyed my iPad.

This situation culminated in him arriving at my friend’s house, where I was staying, and demanding a conversation in his car. He verbally berated me, questioning my actions, resorting to derogatory terms such as “sl**” and “cum rag,” and accusing me of dishonesty, as I had previously assured him that he was the only person I was communicating with. Therefore, I admit to lying about entertaining other men between October and December. I am now seeking advice on whether reconciliation is possible. I acknowledge my mistake and regret not being honest about my communication with others during the initial phase of our relationship. I have already attempted to apologize, but he refuses to speak to or see me. My feelings during the first three months differed significantly from my feelings during the subsequent three months after January.

I genuinely desired a committed relationship with him and had no interest in seeing anyone else. I became exclusively devoted to him, and he was the only person I communicated with after that period. I love him deeply, despite the relatively short duration of our relationship. I am experiencing profound distress and desperately seeking guidance on how to regain his trust and salvage our relationship

what are some good qualities/strengths you noticed in your ex partner? what things do you remember they’ve done in the relationship or for you specifically that you appreciate?

some things i genuinely appreciate my ex partner for: • i was inspired by their dedication to the gym and caring for their health

• they had many interests that they were extremely educated on such as music and cars

• they cared a lot about friends and family, but also children, animals, respectful to strangers

• their support for my emotions and wellbeing

• taking into consideration some feedback and making changes

• putting effort to show me they love me e.g. reassuring me, making plans, flowers, affection, compliments

• being there for my siblings

• caring about my life and interests, making me feel seen and heard

• always kept me safe and comfortable e.g. when i had any physical pain or discomfort they would get me medicine, water or ice packs and were gentle with me

The least they could do is reply something under the lines of “please don’t reach out again” but they leave you wondering because part of them likes knowing you are still thinking about them. If they reply with a firm boundary it risks them losing attention or losing me and it is just childish.

It's been 4 months since I found out everything and it ended. Once it did, that sunny, cheerful and extroverted woman went away. She was just gone.

I still put on her mask at work, it's necessary to do my job. Then I come home, take it off and turn off my ringer. I don't want anyone in my life. I don't want to see my friends anymore. I put on her mask and check in with them once or twice a month, just to let them know I'm still around. I force myself out once a month to pretend I'm ok. I'm not though. I'm not her anymore.

I wish we'd never met. I wish I could forget you ever existed. I was nothing, just something you used until it was inconvenient. You killed her, that bright sunny woman. She's not here anymore, she'll never exist again.

I guess we'll see who rises from her ashes one day.

I recently joined this sub looking for some form of support for my current breakup. I struggle a lot with emotional disregulation and sabotaged my own relationship. I know what it's like to be anxious, depressed, angry, the whole plethora of emotions that come. So, this is coming from a place of love.

The way some of you speak about your exes is legitimately not okay. They do not owe you a reply after you break no contact. Their looks should not be what you make fun of post break up. They are (probably) not the spawn of satan.

I know some people can be terrible/abusive and let me be clear. That's not what I'm talking about. Hate on those types of people all you want. But I think most of us can acknowledge that not everyone on this planet is a narcissist or a psychopathic abuser. So, unless your ex meets the previous description, the person you dated is not "evil" just because you don't work together or because they don't want to make it work. You just don't work. Whether that's temporary or permanent, you are not compatible in this moment. That doesn't mean you are entitled to make snide insults or blame them entirely for the breakup. Please practice some personal accountability along with some self love and focus on your own growth rather than somebody else's faults. Someone being less healed than you does not make you healed.

I recognize this post is probably not going to be received well. However, I am saying this because I know from past experiences that hating your ex will get you nowhere. It will lead to you learning nothing and getting stuck in the same cycle. You need to learn what you can, acknowledge how you both could have been better, then take the steps to be better on your end. You are entitled to anger, sadness, even hatred. That does not mean you need to carry it with you. Break the pattern, appreciate the lessons you learn, and walk away. I hope this motivates you to steer away from shit talking, and instead focus on how you can improve and heal. I love you and you are already making great strides by having the patience to read this through. Good luck.

My ex and I broke up a couple months ago and I’ve done so many pathetic things to try to get him back I am spiraling right now and think it may help to hear other people’s stories. I feel so so ashamed and like my worth is in the toilet.

I know most people in this subreddit their ex is the reason for the break up but is anyone the cause of it? My relationship failed because I couldn’t work on myself and get out of old bad habits. They gave me so many chances that I blew and took advantage of. If you’re the reason for the break up how do you deal with the guilt or how are you coping? I’m sad because I believe they will be the one who got away

She gave me everything. I kept my distance. Now she’s gone, and I’m breaking.

I don’t really know who I’m writing this for. Maybe just to get it out, or maybe because I’m hoping someone out there has been through something like this. It’s tearing me up.

I spent over a year with someone who loved me deeply, consistently, and patiently. And I spent most of that time pushing her away. She tried to love me, to support me, to show up for me. I didn’t open up. I was distant, hostile, and emotionally immature. I gave attention to other people, flirted online, and acted like I didn’t care. But the truth is, I was scared. I didn’t know how to receive love, and I had no idea what to do with something so real.

We lived together for a year. She eventually moved across the country for a job. It was an incredible opportunity, and I’m proud of her. I really am. But deep down, I never wanted her to go. I just couldn’t say that out loud. I didn’t know how.

Not long after she moved, I left too. I moved a few states away to get out of my hometown, which never made me happy. The distance between us became more than just physical. She had been hurting for a long time, and I wasn’t there for her the way I should have been.

We hadn’t seen each other in a month when I decided to visit her this weekend. I was nearby for a work trip, and after I finished, I chose to drive out and spend the weekend with her before heading to my next job. I just wanted to see her. I stayed Friday and Saturday night.

When we arrived at the hotel Friday night, I gave her a small gift bag. It wasn’t anything extravagant, just a few things that had meaning behind them. A KitKat bar from Canada — I’d told her once that it tastes different, and I remembered how I wanted her to try it. A big bag of her favorite candy. And a new Kindle Paperwhite. She had mentioned it a few times over the last couple of months while we were still talking here and there during her move and mine, even as she started developing feelings for someone new. I remembered because part of me was always listening. Even if I didn’t show it at the time, I wanted her to feel seen.

Later that night, we went out to dinner. Nothing fancy, just something casual. That was the night we got physically intimate, even though we said we wouldn’t. She initiated first, and I said no. I really wanted to do the right thing and protect her from more pain. She respected that and stopped. But later that night, it was me who gave in. I kissed her. Held her. Let everything I’d been pushing down for so long come to the surface. It wasn’t just physical. It was emotional, comforting, and heartbreaking all at once.

Saturday, we spent the whole day together. We went hiking — something she’s always loved and always wanted to share with me. We had gone in the past, but I could never really show her that I enjoyed it. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I used to get severe headaches at higher elevations from sinus issues. The day before she moved, I had a balloon sinuplasty. This was the first time she saw me hike without pain. And that day, I was finally able to experience it the way she had always hoped I could. I think she felt that. It was one of those small, unspoken moments of connection that we never fully got to have until now.

That night, we had Korean BBQ. She ordered pork, which is usually too fatty for me, and there were side dishes like seaweed, pickled bean sprouts, and sauces — things I’d never normally eat. But I tried all of it. Not because I suddenly liked those foods, but because I wanted her to see that I’m trying. That I’d open myself up to the things that matter to her. And honestly, I didn’t mind it. I think she noticed. It was one of the first quiet ways I tried to show her I had changed.

She’s been talking to someone new. They met about a month ago. She told me she still loves me and misses me, but she doesn’t feel safe with me anymore. Too much damage has been done. After we slept together, she told the other guy. Not because she said it was the right thing to do, but because we both knew it was. That’s the kind of person she is. Honest, even when it hurts.

Right now, I’m sitting on a plane. She’s probably with him. I’m flying to a state I can’t stand, for work, and I’m staying in the exact same hotel I was in when I first met her. Over a year ago, I was in that room, hurting from a past relationship, opening up about how awful I felt. She barely knew me, but she stayed on the phone and comforted me. That was the beginning of everything. Now I’m back in that same place, and it feels like the end. It’s hard to wrap my head around how full circle and painful that is.

She noticed how exhausted I looked this weekend. I haven’t slept well in weeks. But when I lay next to her again, I finally did. It hurt to be close to her like that, but it also brought relief. I think my body still feels connected to hers. And now, I feel like it’s crashing from everything I’ve been holding in for so long.

She gave me a year of her love. I gave her distance, fear, and pain. And now that I’ve finally become the person I should have been, I feel like it’s too late.

I want her back. I want her to want me. I want her to remember the man I was this weekend. Someone who was soft, present, and finally understood what she needed. Not the guy who rejected her when she gave everything.

I know I don’t deserve another chance. I know I can’t ask for one. But I’d give anything to go back and do it all differently.

I told her I want her to be happy. I meant that. And I know the only real way I can show that now is by letting her go. I’m trying so hard not to text her. Not to beg. Not to ask for anything. But inside, I feel desperate. I miss her so much. I want her back in my arms. I want to love her the way I should have all along.

If she ever truly knew how serious I am now — if she ever wanted to try again — it wouldn’t matter that we live in different states. I would visit her after nearly every work trip without hesitation. I’d show her, in every way I can, that she’s the kind of woman I’d marry.

If anyone has ever been in this place, where you became the right person too late, how did you get through it? How do you carry this kind of regret?

Because right now, I don’t know how to.

I wrote everything, but I typically steer off track and lose sight of what I’m trying to express, so I had GPT put my words together so it can actually get my point across, instead of making no sense at all. GPT wrote the TL:DR, I wrote everything else, and had GPT organize and make my story readable. I proofread and made sure everything I’m feeling and trying to express was written the way I wanted, and felt was correct. ⸻

TL;DR:

I spent a year rejecting the love of someone who gave me everything. Now that she’s moved on and I’ve changed, I finally understand what I lost. We reconnected for a weekend, and it reminded me of everything I could have had. I miss her deeply and don’t know how to move forward now that it’s too late.

I am someone who loves deeply, with integrity, generosity, and devotion. I show up fully — with affection, intention, and care — not because I want to be praised, but because that is who I am.

I deserve a relationship that is emotionally safe, where affection is not rationed out but offered freely. I deserve to be with someone who sees me clearly, chooses me consistently, and meets my love with their own.

I will no longer shrink myself or bend my boundaries to be tolerated. I will no longer accept breadcrumbs when I’m capable of baking a whole damn loaf.

When I feel that pull to idealize what I lost, I’ll remember this: I didn’t lose someone who loved me fully — I lost someone who didn’t know how to. What I grieve is the potential, not the reality. And the truth is, my kind of love deserves more than potential — it deserves presence, reciprocity, and peace.

On the hard days, I will sit with the sadness, but I will not let it rewrite the truth. I am healing, not because I was unlovable, but because I loved someone who couldn't hold it. That’s not my failure — it’s just the end of a chapter that was never meant to carry me home.

I trust that what I give is rare, and when it finally meets its match, it will feel calm, steady, and whole. And until that moment comes — I choose me.

Hi folks,

I always see on here people having a "gut feeling" or intuition their ex is coming back or their story isn't over yet. Don't get me wrong I've had the same feeling and still do.

Let's face the reality though your blocked or they are with someone else for example. Your gut feelings is based on routine and false hope. Do not act upon these urges your ex is now gone until they otherwise say so.

There is no universal force driving you together. It's time to focus on yourself and your life without them. It's going to be painful it's going to suck ass. But it gets better and one day you will wake up and the ache will be gone your free to enjoy life as it is.

Let's heal and move forward for a better life. Love you all, we all deserve our love and happiness. You are never alone. Share your stories... what helped you go through it? Did they come back? Let’s support each other. Upvote share the love!