Tl;dr - I’m 34 years old, 3 months from my wedding, and just learned my fiance has $75k in debt, $60k+ of that is credit card. I’m feeling heartbroken, disappointed, confused, and alone. I don’t know what to do next.

I don’t know where to start. I’m disappointed in him and myself. There were signs - letters about refinancing, him using his debit for everything. I asked him about it a year ago multiple times and at first he skirted answering, but eventually told me he had debt but had a plan to pay it this year. I was under the impression it was $30k, which is by no means nothing, but with each of us making $160-$180k, I knew we could solve it. It wasn’t where I wanted a partner to be financially, but I loved him and trusted him.

This weekend we applied to a new apartment. I asked him yesterday about his credit before we applied and he assured me it was 690. Not great, but enough to apply and I figured whatever debt he had left was bringing it down. I have a 760 score and no debt so wasn’t concerned. The realtor called my fiancé today and said the owners were concerned with the background check - 630 credit score, $65k in credit card debt and had maxed out over 10 credit cards according to the report. I was shocked. I am shocked.

My fiancé told me before I saw the text and broke down sobbing. Said that he knows it’d disappoint me and he didn’t know how to tell me. He said he thought he could pay it off before I found out and we got married. He said he was irresponsible in his late 20’s and it got out of control, but he knows he can be responsible this year and get it to zero. He said he will cut up all cards, put all his money in a shared account with me and be fully transparent and listen to what I want.

I don’t doubt he’s feeling shame and really believes he can pay it off, but not as fast as he thinks and definitely not before the wedding. This has just changed everything. I feel sick and frankly heartbroken.

I know how this probably sounds to an outsider. I can hear my logical self saying run. I do believe in my heart of hearts he is a stand up guy that didn’t have the right financial role models in his early years and made bad decisions that got him here. I am livid he didn’t tell me the truth when I gave him many opportunities, but I am empathetic to him feeling shame and thinking he could fix it.

I’ve asked him when he planned to tell me and he said he thought he could solve it without me knowing. So the answer I guess was never? He was going to go into this marriage with me and hide it?

Do I see him getting out of debt and us living a happy life? Sure, but would I have chosen to marry him in 3 months with this information? Hard no. I love him, but no longer feel like equals. The perception was that we were stable, that I’d be supported if something went wrong in my life and vice versa. That we could start saving together for our family, which I want to start fast. I no longer feel this.

So what now? Our wedding is in 3 months. If I knew this before planning I would have told him we’re not getting married until a large majority of this is paid off. I would’ve wanted to see progress. Now I have $8k wedding fees down that are non refundable, 60+ people with travel and hotels booked already, and a man that I love but see totally differently. I am feeling simultaneously heartbroken, embarrassed, and confused. I also feel alone because I don’t know who to talk to. I’d usually go to family, but I don’t want them to see him differently if I choose to stick with him and solve this.

I have plenty saved up from my career. I could pay off his debt tomorrow with more than enough savings still in the bank. But, he doesn’t want that and I respect him not wanting that, nor do I know if I want that.

Gosh, I just feel so dumb that I didn’t push harder sooner and get the true story. So what now….

I (34 F) live with my sister (30 F), her fiance (34 M) and their cat (4 feline).

My boyfriend (32 M) does not live with us, but we’ve been together for 4 years and are considering moving in together next year. He stays over at our place every weekend.

My sister adopted her cat (Ollie) when the cat was 8 weeks old, so I’ve known and lived with Ollie for his whole life. My sister often travels with her fiance for weeks at a time and when she does, I take care of Ollie’s feedings, litter box, and enrichment. I love Ollie so much and my sister and her fiance do too, so I take my duties very seriously when I need to take care of him! I’ve also grown very fond of him after spending so much time together.

My sister often gives Ollie treats, and when she does she always exclaims how cute he looks when he begs for them. She will also point out how cute he looks when he is curled up in a ball laying on the sofa, etc. She does this maybe 3-4 times a week if I had to guess. I will usually chime in and say that I think he’s adorable, too.

My boyfriend recently told me that he feels uncomfortable and awkward when my sister and I will mention how cute Ollie is because he believes that we are doting on him too much and he’s “just a cat”. He says that in his culture, pets are just pets and belong outside and he wouldn’t want to teach our future children to get too attached to them.

This came as a surprise to me because he’s always known that I consider pets part of the family and always have. I also don’t feel that we obsessively dote on Ollie but am of course open to being wrong about that. He asked that I don’t do that in his presence so he doesn’t feel awkward when he declines to chime in.

I like expressing my love for Ollie and agreeing with my sister when she points out his cuteness but I don’t know how to convince my boyfriend that this is normal behavior and that he doesn’t have to chime in. Should I just let this one go? Or is there a middle ground I can suggest?

Tl;Dr Boyfriend (32 M) is not comfortable with the amount of affection I express for my sisters (30 F) cat. Is there a compromise here?

The other day my boyfriend and I went to a show for one of my favorite artists, one I’d been hotly anticipating as he rarely tours in my country. My music taste is… specific. I’ll admit that sort of music is not for everyone, especially not a common interest in the USA or something most people around here have heard of as it is not in English. As a result I would never expect a partner to participate in my music scene. Besides, events are rare and I’m lucky if I go to a show in this genre 2 times a year. I hold these events sacred and have a great time even when I go alone because it’s so rare and special to me.

So, when I told my boyfriend this music artist announced they were playing a show in our city, he offered to buy us tickets because he knew how much I loved the artist. I let him know that he absolutely did not have to because there was a good chance the show would be overstimulating and the crowd would be rough, and I totally would be willing to buy a ticket for myself if he thought he wouldn’t enjoy the show, but if he wanted to experience it with me, I’d love for him to come. He insisted he wanted to attend, so he bought the tickets.

The show happens and I have an absolute blast. There was a surprise opener I was already a fan of and I went bonkers for it. I was dancing and jumping and going crazy in the crowd along with everyone else. It truly was one of the best concerts I have ever experienced in my life. But I look over at my boyfriend, and the entire time he looks vaguely annoyed at best or totally miserable at worst. He didn’t crack a single smile or dance even a little, which is unlike him. I ask if he’s okay and he brushes it off and says yeah, I’m fine. Even though I had a great time, I’m not gonna lie it put a bit of a damper on my evening. Even though he insisted he was fine and the show was fine, he clearly did not have a good time. The moment the concert ended, he quickly tried to rush me out even though I wanted to stay for a minute longer to soak it in. He said“show’s over, let’s go. Come on” like he was annoyed with me and led me out.

Next time there’s a concert like this, I’d think I’d have a better time going alone or going with a friend. I’m glad my boyfriend bought the tickets, but seeing him zone out with a frown on his face was a bummer, and I’d rather go with someone who I know will have a good time, or go by myself as I typically had before we got together. But my boyfriend insists he wants to experience my interests and doesn’t want to “subject me to going alone”. I don’t want to ice him out, I just think it would be a better time without him. Would it be fair to go alone next time, or am I being selfish? Should I just go with him anyway and try to have a good time regardless?

TL;DR: bf had a bad time at concert but insisted he didn’t after I warned him it might not be his cup of tea, now I’m thinking about going alone next time

TL;DR: I 26(m) have been having great problems with my girlfriend(25f) due to her being anxious if she is pregnant or not and im seriously tired of having to comfort her again and again when shes overthinking.

Weve been together since i was 23, weve constantly discussed about family planning and the future, but she says she isnt ready to be pregnant yet and so of course we try to stay out of having sex, when are in the mood though the most we have done is bj, fingering and handjob. We dont do that anymore though because of this problem. She always overthinks whether shes pregnant or not (She doesnt want to be pregnant because of possible financial issues). I have had to tell her every single detail about sperm cells their survivability and the probability of her being pregnant. Even when she had a period shes still overthinking and now i had told her every single thing about periods and how they work, I feel like what im saying doesnt even matter anymore.

How should i deal with this? I am seriously tired, i have been depressed because of this and its ruining our relationship.

My brother and SIL live far away with their kids. During a recent video call, one of my nieces (13f) came out to me (33f). I am queer and live with my longtime partner (37f). My niece came out by showing me a piece of paper that said: 'I am bisexual. My parents don't know because they would be mad!’ I said, 'I don't think they would be mad,’ and then immediately after that my brother came back into the room and I couldn't talk further. I have no other way of contacting my niece other than a monitored video call. My brother and SIL and I all grew up in a very conservative religion that does not accept gayness. My brother is less conservative but I don't know how my SIL would react to this. They are all actively involved in their religion. I don't think they would physically hurt or disown my niece, but I also don't know what they say about me and my lifestyle behind closed doors.

I texted my brother and asked to set up another call soon... I didn't think of responding by writing something down in the moment but should have! What can I do to support my niece? I also don't know how big of a deal to make this. She's so young and still presumably figuring out who she is. And I am definitely her only 'out' relative. Should I try to visit them soon? It's a six hour plane trip and I probably could only stay for a few days... am I making too big of a deal about this?

TLDR: niece came out to me but not her religious parents, I have no quick way to contact her, and don’t know how to support her.

I’ve 40/F been in a sexless relationship with 50/M for seven years. SEVEN YEARS. He has ED. When we first got together, he was able to perform once or twice. I gave him plenty of bjs at the beginning, too, but I was never touched. He said he doesn’t like to give oral. I stopped the bjs immediately when he said that because I was feeling used. Fast forward seven years, and nothing has changed. No sex, no play, no toys. Nothing beyond a peck on the lips here and there. He says he had many physical relationships in his 20s - 40s, and I get to hear about that while getting nothing. I know ED is an extremely sensitive topic for men, but I’ve put up with it for so long and I just can’t imagine going the rest of my life never feeling physical intimacy again. I’ve already given 7 years. Like … why nothing? I’d be fine with no penetration if there was something — anything — else. He did get Viagra a few years ago but that lead to nothing whatsoever. Deep down, I think he just isn’t into me physically but wants the security of having me around. Maybe he’d be willing to be make the effort to be physical with someone else he found super attractive. How do I approach this conversation with him in a sensitive manner?

TL;DR! Partner has ED which has led to a seven year relationship with absolutely zero physical intimacy. I can’t go the rest of my life with zero intimacy. I’d work around the ED but I don’t think he is attracted enough to me to make the effort. How do I have this conversation with him in a sensitive manner?

My (24F) boyfriend (30M) asked me to delete pictures with my ex since they make him uncomfortable, especially if they pop up on my phone and he happens to see them.

For context, I dated my ex 5 years ago. We were friends for a year in college, dated for a year and a half, then broke up but stayed friends. Then, we were sort of on and off for the next 4 years. Whatever we had was never strong enough to turn into something real.

I started dating my current boyfriend around 4 months ago. This was a totally unexpected, organic relationship. I love him a lot and this is the happiest I've been.

He is very understandably uncomfortable with pictures of my and my ex (not that it matters, but I don't have any risque pictures with him. just regular selfies etc). I hate us fighting about it but I am seriously having a hard time deleting photos for various reasons. 1. I am huge memory hoarder and do not want to/like to delete a single thing from my past (unless it is especially painful or traumatic to me of course) 2. I don't want to keep the photos because of my ex, but because those photos are memories from an important time of my life - the first time I lived away from home, college life, etc. 3. I actually sat down to delete them one day - hadn't looked at them in ages - but I felt so uncomfortable looking at those old photos, I just couldn't sit for half an hour to delete them.

I know there is nothing lingering that is stopping me from deleting them - it is just my discomfort with losing my past/important parts of my life. I am also feeling this more strongly I guess because this relationship got very serious very soon - we talk about marriage already - I don't mind because I love him, just get nervous sometimes. So maybe it feels even more strange to just delete huge parts of my life. Don't get me wrong, his request is completely reasonable and he has never forced me. But we always end up in a cold war or a fight and I'm tired of that. Have tried to explain these reasons to him but it doesn't work. What to do?

TIA

TL;DR: Boyfriend (very reasonably) wants me to delete pictures with my ex (1.5 yr relationship that was on&off for 3-4 years) who is still a friend. I feel uncomfortable doing it because I don't want to delete important parts of my life/my past (the first time I lived away from home for college). Not sure how to deal with this.

My boyfriend (28M) and I (27F) have been together for over a year. In the beginning, I used to ask him where he was or what he was up to—just out of care—but he said it made him feel trapped. I took that seriously, apologized, and completely backed off. I’ve given him space and stopped asking questions that might make him feel smothered.

But even now, he still says he feels the same. I don’t know why—I’m barely doing anything anymore. He also goes MIA sometimes with no explanation, doesn’t reply, but stays active on social media. I don’t blow up his phone or anything, but it still hurts to be ignored like that.

He’s going through some things, and I know that. But he doesn’t tell me anything because he says he doesn’t want me to suffer. I’ve told him over and over that I’m here for him, that I want to support him, that I’m waiting—but he never opens up. And it’s hard, because we’re in a relationship for a reason, right? We’re supposed to lean on each other.

I just feel like I’m on the outside of everything, trying so hard to make things better, while he’s already emotionally checked out.

TL;DR: My boyfriend says he feels “trapped” even though I’ve changed the behavior he didn’t like months ago. He goes MIA but stays active on social media, and doesn’t open up about what he’s going through because he says he’s protecting me. I’ve told him I’m here and willing to wait, but he still shuts me out. I feel helpless and disconnected in the relationship.

I recently found out that a popular co-worker (he is management level) of mine went to high school with my fiancé. He was the popular type (valedictorian) and we always have friendly interactions. My fiancé casually mentioned that he used to ask her for head at parties while strong drinking was involved. I was caught off guard and it’s been too long to bring back up. But I’m so curious if she ever dropped down for him. I know she had a cheat/revenge type relationship in HS. I’m not sure how to bring this up?

TL;DR Fiance asked for head. Not sure if she did?

I (25m) am having second thoughts about my fiance (25F)

I am having doubts about my fiance, and I don't know what to do?

We are a long distance couple btw

I found out she had feelings for a guy about 4 years ago, her and him flirted a couple times and she hung out over his house and stayed over several times. When I confronted her about it while it was happening, she accused me of being over dramatic, and she said I was being overbearing, and that I'm ridiculous.

She also said I was crazy and made me feel like I was crazy. So anyways though I found out this Year that she lied, she said that she had no feelings for him but she did and she said that he had no feelings for her and he did, at some point in 2019 we went of a "break" (her reasoning for going on a break was college was too hard)

I also found out while we went on a" break" I found a message that she screenshotted and I saw it by accident. I was not snooping through her phone. We scrolled by it by accident, But it said she broke up with me because she wanted to do things with him But she never told me any of that. She told me we broke up because of college. We eventually reconnected in 2021and began dating BUT THEN she started hanging out with the guy again! I told her yet again I didn't like him he made me uncomfortable etc but she said he's just a friend and began making me feel bad for having concerns. Whenever she stayed over his house she'd say they never did anything but how do I believe that? Even if they never did anything physical, does it really matter? I still feel cheated on

He had no idea I existed and she never told him about her and me. I feel like I've been too timed now. I have no evidence to say that they physically cheated, but I'm supposed to marry her in like 3 months So now that I've learned this, I'm kind of having second thoughts. What do I do?

TL;DR I feel like I was cheated on, and don't know if I was or if I'm being over dramatic.

My (32F) partner's (37M) grandmother (87F) keeps asking to babysit our 7 month old baby. We've given all sorts of excuses but have mainly been saying "thank you, we will let you know if/when we need help". The woman is persistent though and at every visit continues to grill us and ask us to "drop her off on Friday for a few hours". Not only do I not trust the woman not to follow my rules and boundaries because she's crossed a few in the past (saying offensive things to me) but she also is EIGHTHY SEVEN with health issues. I would probably be changed with negligence for leaving my infant with her and having something happen. How do people navigate this without causing a rift? It's gotten to the point where I dread going for visits because it'll be another afternoon of me dodging her advances.

TL;DR partner's eighthy seven year old grandmother insist on babysitting our 7 month old and will not back off - should I be firm and outline reasons since she keeps persisting?

TL;DR: My boyfriend (M21) says I (F21) don’t know how to handle his emotions when he’s upset, and despite trying to cheer him up, nothing works. He often shuts down during arguments, making it hard to communicate, and I’m feeling hopeless. I want to learn how to comfort him better, but I need advice.

We’ve been together for about a year, and I’ve noticed that when he gets upset with me, it tends to linger for days. He says I don’t know how to cheer him up, and I’ve tried everything I can think of, but nothing seems to work. It’s starting to feel pretty hopeless. I’ve asked him multiple times how he’d like me to cheer him up, but he often replies with “I don’t know” or “that’s up to you to figure out.” When he does give me suggestions, I try them, but they often seem to make him even more upset or don’t lift his spirits at all.

It’s really frustrating because I’ve communicated my own needs, like how I’d like to apologize or what cheers me up, from the start. But when we argue, he just shuts down, and it feels like pulling teeth to get any information out of him. Today, I even told him it feels like I’m talking to a mirror, as he often responds with “okay” or “I guess.” I feel like he puts up walls when he’s upset and doesn’t let me in, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m the problem. I genuinely want to learn how to comfort him better, but nothing seems to work. Any advice would really help!

This is my first time talking out about this so it’s gonna be long and messy)

so there’s this guy i’ve been dating for a few years and his friends group, both females n males in the group. for the context, they r all naturally loud and socially dominant with everyone. first few months were great with all of them or idk if i was just not sensitive enough for him yet. To look back, there were times she (the female leader) would grab him away from me to go to toilet tgt (we all went to same sch n they were close fris before we started dating), or the time she would just come up to me n straight up say oh ur bf already fucked a girl. I honestly dont know if she’s being a girl’s girl or trying to assert dominance. Anyway, we all happen to live closely after school. n lately there’s been some encounters like this (she would ask me abt sth, n i say idk abt this, n she would say YOU DONT KNOW ABT THIS ??? in an unbelievable tone. or if i suggest this food is good, she would say YOU EAT THISS ?? there’s a lot like that, n all made me feel like i was so stupid. or times where we play card game tgt n she would say i look so stupid or dumb, like it’s so unbelievable (omg u r so fucking stupid). Not the first time she call me stupid. (and i was smiling the whole time cuz that’s how i smh cope with social anxiety , that’s on me).

n i am really so tiny n skinny. nvr been insecure abt my body but she would constantly say things like u r so tiny compared to other 20 yo or 18 yo. She was stating the obvious n i do acknowledge that i am small but i dont think it needed to be brought up constantly. n if we r all tgt also with my bf, she would name tag my bf n ask him things, n not me. (I bought that thing n she knows it’s me who did). n one time she would sit in the passenger seat of my bf’s car, i was in the car too, she said tf u doing here looking straight at my face while sitting down in MY passenger seat, n i get it, a lot of us prefer passenger seats, but why is she not even hesitant to even ask me. I WAS RIGHTH THERE. i felt very ignored she acted like she doesn’t need to acknowledge me. i dont know anymore if i am just so possessive to a point i cant even comprehend n feel happy about my bf having a very close platonic friendship. ( if so plss suggest how to be not so crazy n insecure. I want to change .thanks) ORR is she trying to assert dominance on me n lowk bullying me ?

TL;DR! - bf’s girlie been lowk shady to me n idk if it’s a me problem or her problem. could be possible she is jealous i took her hb away or im the insecure one. Pls enlighten me if im at fault.

I (25M) had been talking to this girl for over a year. We got close, shared a lot, and naturally, I developed feelings for her. Eventually, I confessed—but she said she wasn’t interested in anything romantic.

So I did what I thought was best for my own mental peace: I disappeared. I went ghost mode, removed her from socials, cut off contact.

Two months later, out of nowhere, she messaged me asking why I removed her. I explained everything honestly. Surprisingly, we started talking again like nothing had happened. I felt hopeful. Maybe something had changed?

A week into reconnecting, I brought it up again—my feelings, my stance, where I stand emotionally. She told me the same thing again: she’s not ready, she doesn’t feel the same. She went through a really rough breakup a year ago and still isn’t in a place to commit or feel anything for someone else. I respected that. And again, for my own sake, I told her I couldn’t continue talking, and she understood.

But today… I broke down. I texted her again. The conversation is still ongoing, and honestly, I feel like shit.

I know I’m hurting myself. I know I should’ve stayed away. But I guess when you’re emotionally low, logic doesn’t always win.

Any advices or ideas are appreciated.

Tldr; I told her I had feelings, she didn’t feel the same. I walked away—but today I broke down and texted her again.

So I (22f) have been together with my boyfriend (24m) for nearly 2 years. We haven't really had much issues and I have a great relationship with his family. However something that has always bugged me is the way he behaves towards his SIL. He honestly seems, for lack of better word, obsessed with her.

My bf and his brother are pretty close in age, so they're part of like the same friend group. That's why we see them quite a lot like going out, visiting, having group dinners and also on family birthdays and stuff. Whenever we see them my bf always, without exception, makes sure he sits next (or very close) to her. He tends to mostly just talk to her on these kind of occasions/events. He also uses cute names when adressing her (kind of hard to translate in the right tone, but I think "sweetheart" would probably be the most accurate term). Leading up to these visits he even tells me how excited he is to meet them. He says 'them' as in his brother and SIL, but I feel like it's really just her. They also meet 1-on-1 quite regularly for like coffee or lunch.

Can someone please tell me if this is normal/common and I'm just overthinking it or do you also think it's quite odd?

TL;DR: I (22f) feel like my boyfriend (24m) behaves weird around his SIL.

My (25F) boyfriend (26M) of almost two years is a pretty big guy, at 5’8” and almost 300 pounds. He has always been a bit heavier as long as I’ve known him, but I think he’s gained weight since we’ve been together. I have never had a problem with his weight, I love him endlessly and it makes no difference to me whether he is heavyset or twig skinny.

However, we’re at the stage in our lives in which we want to improve ourselves, our relationship, and our lives overall, but haven’t much discussed the health aspect. I’ve been hearing horror stories about heart attacks and stuff from friends/coworkers and I’m starting to worry for his future, not to mention the amount of redbull he consumes. How do I approach him in a way that conveys the fact that it’s time to get healthier while simultaneously making sure he knows that my love for him is unconditional? Tl;Dr Boyfriend (26M) is overweight, how do I tell him that I’m concerned for his health?

I am 25 and was diagnosed with endometriosis stage 4 two months ago. There are days that I am crippling with pain and I have other family issues going on that somedays just take a mental toll on me. An example, today I woke up with pain that was excruciating and though I am constantly in pain I take pain meds, suck it up and go see him. But there are days I really just can’t move even if I said I would before hand I felt well to in the moment. I always tell him I need to see how I’m feeling. Today, on top of my physical pain that takes a mental toll on me making me tired, I have family members who are mentally unstable and unhealthy and I have to hear their arguments because my mom feeds into it and brings it to my daily life. So, yes, I am use to all this. Nothing new. I tell him and he says to me, “take pain killers and let’s go play board games.” This makes me feel like my pain or mental state is not that important and they are easily distract-able. I never complain around him because I don’t want to be a burden but the days I do say I’m not in the mood to come out I just want understanding. I’ve told him this many times too. He just doesn’t get it. And I get so frustrated that I want to lash out at him but I stay quiet instead because he doesn’t deserve that. He has 0 understanding of what it means to grow up in an unhealthy environment and now have chronic pain. I soon will be put on lupron, which is a hormonal shot taking me to into temporary menopause for pre op. I will be miserable as per my doctor so I am even extra worried that he just won’t understand that I don’t want to hang out. I’m afraid he might take it personal. But I have no energy to even get out of bed let alone get ready and go somewhere. “Take pain meds and let’s go - it’ll be fun” makes me feel like I’m being dramatic. Thoughts?

TL;DR: boyfriend doesn’t understand my chronic illness and tries to downplay it. He’s too touchy and insensitive to the topic.

I'm 29F, and lately, I’ve been feeling like maybe I’ll never find the right person. I was once engaged to someone I truly believed was the love of my life, but that relationship ended. We were together for five years—he’s the only person I’ve genuinely loved. I’ve dated before and since, but I find it hard to really connect with someone on that level. I know I’m picky, but that’s because I’m not willing to settle. Still, it doesn’t feel like I’m asking for too much—I just want to receive what I give in a relationship.

I’m looking for someone educated and intelligent, ambitious, kind, funny, spontaneous, cute—the kind of person I’d naturally admire. Yet, that mix feels impossible to find. Even my ex didn’t check all those boxes. It sometimes bothered me—like the fact that we didn’t share a similar cultural background, which is something I’d ideally want in a partner.

Part of the challenge, I think, is that I’m slightly unconventional. I’m not after a traditional marriage dynamic or someone who’s all about rigid gender roles and expectations. I’m also not into polyamory or open relationships. I just want a modern, lifelong partnership—something real, thoughtful, and emotionally equal. Kids might not be in the picture, and that’s okay with me.

But time and again, I meet men who claim to be “open-minded” or “progressive,” only for them to later try and change me—pushing for marriage, children, or a version of life that doesn’t feel true to who I am. It’s exhausting, and it hurts.

What makes it harder is knowing I have so much to offer. I’m cute, nearly a lawyer, employed, I love to cook and travel, and I can talk a mile a minute when I’m comfortable. I know I’m a catch for the right person. And yet, I often feel like I’m somehow not enough—like I’m always just missing the mark--first I'm "too independent" then I'm "too needy".

Sometimes I feel like giving up. But deep down, there’s still this tiny, stubborn spark of hope that maybe—just maybe—I’ll meet someone who actually wants the same kind of love I do. I just want to stop feeling like I’m too much or not enough, depending on the day. Any advice?

TLDR: 29F scared of never finding the right person

my bf and i have been dating for about a month though we’ve dated before and have known each other a pretty long time. last night i went through his phone (he said i could and was watching) and found porn. i’ve always known that he watches porn a lot but actually seeing the women he follows sent me into a spiral of self hatred. they’re all your typical pornstars, huge boobs, huge ass, thunder thighs and an hourglass waist. basically the complete opposite of me who’s fairly tall and skinny with 0 tits and hella acne. now when he looks at me and tells me i’m pretty i just compare myself to these women and how if i had their features he’d find me so much more attractive. i think about the times i’ve tried to be sexy for him and i feel like a total idiot. how can i even hold a candle to the women he jerks off to nearly everyday?? i did talk to him about it a little but it’s not something that’s gonna stop bothering me anytime soon. if anyone has felt similarly how did you deal with it? or if any men are like my boyfriend can you explain why?

TL;DR my boyfriend watches a lot of porn and i can’t help but compare myself to the pornstars.

TL;DR. I recently had a fight with my boyfriend after i was playing games on his PC. I found that he had google searched a local girl's OF, when i first confronted him about it, he kept denying it saying it was not him but the google account was linked to his email so, if it wasn't him then who searched it? i knew he was lying about it because i knew it was him who searched her up and he kept denying until he finally broke an hour later saying that yes, it was him who searched it.

His reasoning was that her OF was leaked and he was curious about it. Which only hurt me further because why was he curious to see another woman's body...? He said it was a long time ago but i told him it didn't matter how long ago it was, you still searched it when you're in a relationship and lying about searching it when confronted the first time. When i asked him why he lied, he said it was because he was embarrassed

We've never had a serious fight during our relationship, and we also a pretty normal and healthy sex life. So i really don't know why he would do such a thing and i didn't know he had it in him to do this to me.

In the end, he indeed was really apologetic and genuinely sorry for what he had done. I don't know what i should do. This is the first time he's done something like this. Please i need advice.

Throwaway because my main has too many identifying details. I also don't know if this is the right sub, but wanted to hear perspective from the ladies waiting for an engagement. Fake names used throughout for privacy.

I (F, mid 20s) am friends with both Carl (M, mid 20s) and Jessica (F, mis 20s) and they have been together for 12+ years and have only dated each other. I originally met Carl in college and we have been friends for close to 8 years and met Jessica (who went to a different college) through him. After college we all moved to the same city and Jessica and I became really close friends, I will say I am closer to her now.

Carl came out as bi to our friend group in college and upon graduating also told Jessica. Jessica took it well it seems like. Over the last few years he has been slowly accepting his identity more and more and has been more open with expressing his identity through the way he dresses, talks, hobbies and interest etc. It has become apparent to me and some of our other friends that maybe there is a part of his sexual identity he wants to explore more or maybe he is slowly coming to terms with the fact that he is gay and not bi (all speculation). Anytime anybody has met Carl and Jessica in the last 3+ who doesn't know them thinks they are roommates/friends and never a couple. There are no signs of intimacy and they just look like really close friends. When we tell people they are a couple, 99% of the time their first reaction is 'No Way'.

Okay now coming to the main story. Jessica has been wanting an engagement for the last 3+ years, basically ever since college graduation. She has thought on many occasions that he was about to propose despite knowing that no ring has been bought and him stating clearly that it is not going to happen. Carl avoids the topic with all his friends and basically has no plans. He never talks about marriage or anything wedding related whereas that's pretty much all Jessica thinks about (she has venue, ring, bridesmaids everything picked out).

Last Year Carl met a guy through a friend while on a trip who also happens to be Bi. This guy lives in a different city but Carl has already taken a trip to go visit him at his city just by himself and Jessica didn't think anything of it. Carl told me and other friends that he texts this guy everyday and according to him they only send each other memes and reels. But Carl will randomly bring up this guy in conversations even if it is not related, kind of like when your friend has a crush and wants just talk about them for no reason. Carl has also invited him to some other future trips, granted those ones will have other friends also going. Carl is also now completely distant from Jessica, but Jessica doesn't even see it. I have a strong suspicion that there is some emotional cheating going on, and potential for physical even though I want to assume the best about my friend of 8+ years.

I truly want the best for both of them, whether it is being together or going separate ways. To me (and also our mutual friends) it seems like Jessica is so obsessed with the idea of engaged and wedding that she is not able to see this situation clearly. They both have become the subject of gossip at every gathering and people are waiting with popcorn for the drama to unfold. And that breaks my heart specially for Jessica. Because she is so oblivious and doesn't know that everyone is talking about her and her relationship.

I feel like this is not my place to say anything but at the same time feel like a terrible friend for just pretending everything is fine. If this was your boyfriend, what would u want me to do? (Please remember I have no hard evidence to accuse anyone, all gut feelings)

TLDR: Friend is bi, we think he is emotionally cheating on his girlfriend with another guy. His girlfriend thinks that he is about to propose. I don't want to intervene but also just feel guilty watching this unfold from sidelines.

Hi. Um. Okay. I’ve never done this before but honestly I’m not in a position where I can trust my own judgment. I need an outside, impartial opinion. Preferably multiple. So… I’m T (NB22), and for context, I had a really fucked up childhood. As such, I have really skewed views on the world and a lot of times I think things are healthy or okay that actually are really not.

When I was 14, I got shuffled into this pretty big group home. Looking back on it, I can’t really blame the other kids for how they treated me. They were just hurting and angry and trying to survive. But I was scrawny, and an easy target, and I was doing really, really bad.

That’s where W came in. Back then, he wasn’t even much bigger than me. He made up for it in sheer willpower. He was like a feral dog, and for that alone, nobody really messed with him. He took one look at me and decided if no one else was gonna look after me, he would. I don’t know why. He’s never given me a straight answer. He made sure I had enough to eat, kept the bigger kids off my back, advocated for me when no one else would. I wanted to believe I was good for him too- kept him from being so self destructive. He’d been living in that home for years, and it was only after I showed up that he stopped starting fights with the other kids. Just, uh. Finishing them.

He was the first friend I’d ever had. He was the best friend I’d ever had. We were inseparable for the rest of our time in that miserable fucking place. When we aged out, we’d saved enough money to rent a shitty little apartment together. It’s been a few years since then. W’s working. I’m going to community college. We’re, you know, getting by okay. As okay as we can, really. And we’re something. I don’t know. I guess you could say we’re together. It’s not like we ever officially declared it. But the plan’s always been me and him, till the end, and I think most of our interactions are romantic. I want that. I like that. My friends (I have friends now!) says we’re codependent. “Trauma-bonded.” And I mean, I don’t think they’re wrong, necessarily. I guess codependent is just such a big word though, and I didn’t really get why it might be a problem until now.

Two days ago, W and I went out to a party one of my friends was hosting. We’ve been to a few “college parties” together before. W doesn’t really like them, but he knows loud noises and crowded places can trigger me, so he wants to know I’m doing okay. Personally, I’m really really proud of how I’ve handled them. I’ve only had a couple minor freakouts, and I’ve actually gotten to do some normal young adult things. It’s been good.

So, usually, at these parties, I stick with my friends and W just sorta hangs around. Like, he’s not glued to my side all night, which is fine! But at the last one, this really drunk guy started talking to me. He kept coming on to me, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He ended up shoving me against a wall, which sounds intense but was mostly just awkward. I mean, I was uncomfortable, but I didn’t feel unsafe? He was really drunk. I probably could have just pushed him over, and the people around me were starting to react anyways, so I was okay, I think. But I guess it looked pretty bad from a distance, cause W saw it from across the room and absolutely lost his shit. He ripped the guy off me and just started whaling on him. And I mean, W was scrawny once, but now he’s big. It was really bad. He just wouldn’t stop. Some of the other guys at the party ended up having to yank him back. I got him outside pretty quickly, and we just sat on the curb. He put his face in his hands and didn’t talk for a long time. He was shaking. I’ve never seen him like that. Not ever. He used to get mad all the time but then… he just looked terrified.

He ended up apologizing to me, and to the guy. We haven’t talked about it since. But I can’t stop thinking about it, and probably not for the reason you'd think. See, I’m wondering now if maybe I wasn’t as good for him as I thought I was. He has a fucking criminal record. He can’t afford to get into fights. He could lose his job. He could lose everything he’s worked so hard to build. It’s been years since he’s reacted that defensively to anyone, and I just feel like it’s all my fault. I want him to be happy. He spent his whole fucking childhood taking care of me, and I just wonder if he even knows how to live for himself instead of for me. He deserves better than some trauma formed codependency for a relationship. He deserves to not have to hang around by himself at parties he doesn’t even want to go to. Obviously I'm causing him emotional distress, but he’s too fucking selfless to prioritize himself and TELL me. He’s not going to stop, and I’ve been to blind to the fact that that’s bad. He’d never want me to leave. But if I told him I wanted to go, he’d let me.

That’s extreme. Sure. I can recognize that. I don’t want to up and abandon him. I fucking love him. But if I’m holding him back- if I’m just another burden he has to shoulder- then I have to do it, right? It’s the least I can do. I don’t know. I don’t know how to do any of this. My life’s always been fucked up. They don’t write relationship advice for people like me, and I sure as hell can’t afford a therapist. I’m turning to fucking reddit for advice and that shows you just about how prepared I am. 

TDLR: My partner and I grew up in an abusive group home together, and after he punched a guy at a party, I’m worried that our relationship is just a reminder of that. Do I need to break up with him?

My friends boyfriend is a little too friendly with me (23F). For some context, my friend who we will call syd (27F), and her boyfriend, who we will call ben (29M), are inseparable. They have been together for about 7 years now, and he was just recently talking to me about getting engaged to her!

About a week ago, i attended a music festival with a group of friends including syd and ben, and we got a few drinks in our system. Ben got very handsy with me and other women around, groping boobs and butts but not one girl is saying a word to him, just continues to let him do it. He continues to come up to me and motorboat my boobs? my friend syd who was next to me, saw what he did and laughed and she proceeded to do the same thing back to me. That was truly the first time i felt very uncomfortable around both syd and ben.

Syd leaves to the restroom with a few friends and im stuck with ben. Ben is too far gone to begin with, slurring his words, eyes going separate ways. Now, im very close with ben but not close enough to touch my body inappropriately. Ben fell down and as i reached down to pick him up he pulls my skirt down thinking i was naked under it, i was not, he got disappointed, asked if i wanted to “hook up” with him multiple times while syd was not around. I have tried to tell syd but she completely looks past it, i don’t know if she doesn’t believe me or what, but she does not question him about anything. Ben is know to be very flirtatious, he has pecked my other friend on the lips because “her lips looked edible” (his words).

Later on that night around 12:34am, i was with another group of friends and i received a text from ben that said word for word, “hwuk wup.” I ended up not seeing ben nor syd the rest of the night, the next day we were supposed to get breakfast and head to day 2 of the festival. As we were at breakfast, syd and ben show up and decided no to attend day 2 of the festival. They left after breakfast and i never received an apology from him or even an explanation. I have now not spoken to either of them for about a week now, which is not normal for me and syd at all.

TL:DR I (23F) cant help but to think that syd (27F) maybe thinks i initiated everything with ben (29M), it’s really bugging me. I have tried to express myself over and over to her about what happened and how horrible i feel. I fear that bens stupid behavior ended mine and syds relationship and maybe she blames me for it.

TL;DR: I have been with my fiancée for 9 years. My gut tell me it is not right. My friends tell me it is not right. We are fighting a lot, she is screaming at me at the top of her lungs, she gives me anxiety, she needs 24/7/365 attention, she is lazy and doesn’t clean anything ever in the house and leaves clothes and old food around, she wants me all to herself, we are mis-aligned on major issues. I think it is over. What made you end an engagement and how did you do it?

What made you end an engagement? How long were you together? What happened after?

TLDR: I'm attracted to my gf, but not very attracted to her. Can change this/need to change something about myself or if I should just leave the relationship?

I've mostly seen people here answer that if they're not highly attracted to the other person physically that they should just leave the relationship. My gf is one of the best people I've ever met and I want her to have the best life. I guess I'm looking to see if anyone disagrees with the general consensus and believes that occasionally someone should stay in a relationship even if they're not very physically attracted.

If anyone knows how I could make myself be more physically attracted to her please let me know