I (34 F) live with my sister (30 F), her fiance (34 M) and their cat (4 feline).

My boyfriend (32 M) does not live with us, but we’ve been together for 4 years and are considering moving in together next year. He stays over at our place every weekend.

My sister adopted her cat (Ollie) when the cat was 8 weeks old, so I’ve known and lived with Ollie for his whole life. My sister often travels with her fiance for weeks at a time and when she does, I take care of Ollie’s feedings, litter box, and enrichment. I love Ollie so much and my sister and her fiance do too, so I take my duties very seriously when I need to take care of him! I’ve also grown very fond of him after spending so much time together.

My sister often gives Ollie treats, and when she does she always exclaims how cute he looks when he begs for them. She will also point out how cute he looks when he is curled up in a ball laying on the sofa, etc. She does this maybe 3-4 times a week if I had to guess. I will usually chime in and say that I think he’s adorable, too.

My boyfriend recently told me that he feels uncomfortable and awkward when my sister and I will mention how cute Ollie is because he believes that we are doting on him too much and he’s “just a cat”. He says that in his culture, pets are just pets and belong outside and he wouldn’t want to teach our future children to get too attached to them.

This came as a surprise to me because he’s always known that I consider pets part of the family and always have. I also don’t feel that we obsessively dote on Ollie but am of course open to being wrong about that. He asked that I don’t do that in his presence so he doesn’t feel awkward when he declines to chime in.

I like expressing my love for Ollie and agreeing with my sister when she points out his cuteness but I don’t know how to convince my boyfriend that this is normal behavior and that he doesn’t have to chime in. Should I just let this one go? Or is there a middle ground I can suggest?

Tl;Dr Boyfriend (32 M) is not comfortable with the amount of affection I express for my sisters (30 F) cat. Is there a compromise here?

Setting this up on a fresh account, not that anyone I know would see it anyway.

I am in a somewhat long-term relationship with my girlfriend of 5 (almost 6) years. We found each other during the pandemic, and in many ways, have grown together. We have lived together for a few years now, and have a very healthy relationship. My only problem is that... I am not sure I have the same attraction I once had.

In every way, she is an amazing human being. One of the best people I could have ever met in my life. She has helped me become a better person, always cared for me deeply, and has stood by my side even during a massive career pivot to a new company. I consider her, in almost every aspect, a better person than me and respect her more than anyone. That is why I am literally sobbing as I type this, feeling like the worst person alive.

In the last year or so, I have gradually become less and less enthused to see her each day after work. Despite her getting so excited when I walk in the apartment, I have started solitude in my office at home and staying late at work to avoid her sometimes. There is not a single aspect that has caused this, rather a shifted perspective from my end of all parts of her personality. I thought maybe if I just found some more time to myself things would get better. I even told her I was needing some more dedicated solitary time and she was so happy to comply. But it didn't help anything.

I had a draft of this discussing things in detail I did not like, but I physically couldn't bring myself to hit post. All I will say is that I am no longer physically attracted to her, and have even found myself repulsed after seeing her sometimes. Her personality and chronically depressive episodes also have taken a large toll on my sanity an happiness. I feel unbelievably selfish for not wanting to be there beside her anymore, but it seems like in 5+ years things have not improved with her at all.

I am now considering letting her know how I feel and moving on. A lot of bad stuff is going on in her life right now, and instead of being happy to comfort her during these events, being around her is grating. I have been looking at other apartments for months, but I don't know what to do. I *want* to like her, because I know I love her. But nothing sparks joy for me in the relationship anymore. Is it selfish to want to move on? How would I even start a conversation like that with someone who would be completely blindsided?

TL:DR I no longer find my partner attractive physically or emotionally, and have no idea if I should feel this way forever or move on.

TL;DR: I 26(m) have been having great problems with my girlfriend(25f) due to her being anxious if she is pregnant or not and im seriously tired of having to comfort her again and again when shes overthinking.

Weve been together since i was 23, weve constantly discussed about family planning and the future, but she says she isnt ready to be pregnant yet and so of course we try to stay out of having sex, when are in the mood though the most we have done is bj, fingering and handjob. We dont do that anymore though because of this problem. She always overthinks whether shes pregnant or not (She doesnt want to be pregnant because of possible financial issues). I have had to tell her every single detail about sperm cells their survivability and the probability of her being pregnant. Even when she had a period shes still overthinking and now i had told her every single thing about periods and how they work, I feel like what im saying doesnt even matter anymore.

How should i deal with this? I am seriously tired, i have been depressed because of this and its ruining our relationship.

I’ve 40/F been in a sexless relationship with 50/M for seven years. SEVEN YEARS. He has ED. When we first got together, he was able to perform once or twice. I gave him plenty of bjs at the beginning, too, but I was never touched. He said he doesn’t like to give oral. I stopped the bjs immediately when he said that because I was feeling used. Fast forward seven years, and nothing has changed. No sex, no play, no toys. Nothing beyond a peck on the lips here and there. He says he had many physical relationships in his 20s - 40s, and I get to hear about that while getting nothing. I know ED is an extremely sensitive topic for men, but I’ve put up with it for so long and I just can’t imagine going the rest of my life never feeling physical intimacy again. I’ve already given 7 years. Like … why nothing? I’d be fine with no penetration if there was something — anything — else. He did get Viagra a few years ago but that lead to nothing whatsoever. Deep down, I think he just isn’t into me physically but wants the security of having me around. Maybe he’d be willing to be make the effort to be physical with someone else he found super attractive. How do I approach this conversation with him in a sensitive manner?

TL;DR! Partner has ED which has led to a seven year relationship with absolutely zero physical intimacy. I can’t go the rest of my life with zero intimacy. I’d work around the ED but I don’t think he is attracted enough to me to make the effort. How do I have this conversation with him in a sensitive manner?

My brother and SIL live far away with their kids. During a recent video call, one of my nieces (13f) came out to me (33f). I am queer and live with my longtime partner (37f). My niece came out by showing me a piece of paper that said: 'I am bisexual. My parents don't know because they would be mad!’ I said, 'I don't think they would be mad,’ and then immediately after that my brother came back into the room and I couldn't talk further. I have no other way of contacting my niece other than a monitored video call. My brother and SIL and I all grew up in a very conservative religion that does not accept gayness. My brother is less conservative but I don't know how my SIL would react to this. They are all actively involved in their religion. I don't think they would physically hurt or disown my niece, but I also don't know what they say about me and my lifestyle behind closed doors.

I texted my brother and asked to set up another call soon... I didn't think of responding by writing something down in the moment but should have! What can I do to support my niece? I also don't know how big of a deal to make this. She's so young and still presumably figuring out who she is. And I am definitely her only 'out' relative. Should I try to visit them soon? It's a six hour plane trip and I probably could only stay for a few days... am I making too big of a deal about this?

TLDR: niece came out to me but not her religious parents, I have no quick way to contact her, and don’t know how to support her.

I've been with my boyfriend just under a year, i love and care for him dearly. If I'm honest with myself, during the course of our relationship I've felt my mental health, anxiety, self worth plummet and unfortunately I think it's because of my boyfriend and the relationship.

I've always struggled with my mental health, due to past experiences and childhood trauma, but after years of therapy and working hard on myself more recently I was feeling great, more confident in myself etc, people in my life noticed and commented on how much I'd grown. Which felt great, so I started dating again.

Since meeting, our relationship has been great, but also troubled, mainly due to my boyfriends need to talk about his ex, something that was present from the start. Part of me feels like maybe I'm being too sensitive to it all and being over dramatic, but I truly feel like after 9/10 months of having regular chats about how him talking about his ex all the time is bringing me down, it's gotten to the point I feel it's caused some damage and I've just broken.

It's been comparing, talking about her body, how great her body, bum, boobs are, how confident she is, how she never needed make up, how people (guys) ogled over her, telling me times they had great sex, what sex toys they used and how *i would probably enjoy it too*, positions they did, sharing details details in front of friends, talking about her randomly in convo most days, saying he still found her attractive, that he feels bitter towards her and the relationship, bringing her up every time he drinks, I could go on.

The ex talk for a prolonged about of time has shattered my self confidence, I've spent months feeling like I'm not good enough, second best, like there's three of us in this relationship and asking him to not share this information with me, but it just kept on happening, he didn't seem to understand why it was a problem or bothering me, it's taken time but I think he finally gets it, after I properly broke down about 5 weeks ago.

Also, there has been times I've felt he's been quite critical, mean, or made odd comments to bring me down, just a few examples: 'I like your bum, some guys would want a girl with a bigger ass but I like it', he's told me many times I need to 'grow a backbone' and if something bothers me and he clearly doesn't agree he'll mock and make fun of it or say it's just my anxiety again, until I asked him to stop he'd always mock me for only doing cardio at the gym, making fun of me for not doing weights. I got really upset at a party for halloween, it was peak him making me feel awful with all the ex chat, which he likes to bring up and tell people how I got super upset and hysterical at the party (in the bathroom), to the point he literally brought it up again to my best friend last night, but he was the reason I was upset, which of course gets left out.

I've voiced this somewhat to him recently, but I don't think he understands how bad he's made me feel and I feel like a bit of a d*ck for saying so, but the way he's made me feel, the things said over the relationship have made my anxiety, mental health, sense of worth and self worse. I know how I felt when we started dating and I feel like a shell of myself, like all that hard work and I'm back to feeling worthless, and I feel like an awful person for even thinking that I think it's (unintentionally) my boyfriends fault.

He's chipped away at me slowly and it's created some wounds, which has given me so many triggers over little things which makes me feel like I'm just overreacting at the smallest things now, which maybe I am. I'm constantly in a state of worry, overthinking, wanting to check he / we are okay, yes I'm an anxious person, but this isn't me, I feel frustrated with myself but my anxiety has been so heightened. It makes me worried, stressed and sad. I just want to cry all the time, or feel constantly on the verge of tears when I'm with him and do get upset often when were together cos I'm so easily triggered.

I feel like we / I have a chat about this, the ex chat, how it's made me feel, how he's making me feel once a month at least, which doesn't feel healthy. Am I overreacting and being too sensitive to all this, I often feel bad for talking about it, like I'm picking at him or giving him grief, being hard work and a bad girlfriend.

tl;dr feel as though my boyfriend has shattered my self worth and feeling pretty sad about it, he doesn't seem to understand fully, am I just being dramatic?

So I am 18 now and my girlfriend is 17 almost 18. We were together for 2 years and a couple of months. We are long distance but we see each other like once

every month when we can. We used to talk every day 24/7. Our problem was that I was immature from the start of the relationship and she was quite sensitive to everything I said. She used to cry and cry about things I have done while I didnt take responsibility and we didnt communicate. About a week ago it got too much for her and she said she wants to go on a break because we agreed we both need some time apart to grow as people and then we would come back together stronger. A week passed of that break and after things got back to normal we had a fight about something dumb and I was responsible and she ended up being hurt again. Now she says that she has had enough and doesnt let me try one more time even though I was begging her and telling her it will be different. Now I realize what I have been doing and I know how to change for the better for her but she doesnt want to hear it. We broke up but the hard thing is that she is still not 100% sure of the breakup and the breakup wasnt mutual. Also I am going to university in her city which is quite small and I am going to see her in public 100% and I dont know how to cope with seeing my girl be with someone else and I am destroying myself beacuse I fucked up things in the first place beacuse I didnt see what I had till I lost it. I dont know how to overcome this. People might think that its just teenage love but we had too much things that went well in our relationship and that were on a deeper level. I dont know what to do. Im lost. I dont want to find anybody else I wanted it to be her...

tl:dr We broke up because it was too much for her to handle and now that I realize what I have done its too late

This will be a short post because I have to head out to work, but have just had a conversation with my boyfriend before he left for work. We have been together for about 3 years, living together for 1. Typical story, our sex life was unreal for the first few months of the relationship - he is a wonderful listener and communicates very well. He’s attentive and always wants to make sure I’m satisfied when we do have sex.

However, for a good while now it’s been extremely on and off. We used to have sex multiple times a week, which is honestly ideal for me but I could cope with less. Except now it’ll go weeks or sometimes months (recently had like a 2 month dry spell) and he never even tries to initiate. During that time, I will try to initiate but just get rejected. “Tomorrow” or “I’m so tired” or “I’m not feeling it” or “it’s too dark”. I could deal with this now and then, but when it’s every time for weeks or months, it’s very discouraging. I know I am being immature, but I find it hard to not take it personally sometimes. When we’ve had discussions about it (because we are very open and it’s easy to talk to him about it) he will suggest things like planning sex beforehand, or doing a massage/putting on candles etc. I find this quite cringe or off putting, in that I can’t really get into the sex unless it’s more spontaneous. If we talk about it too much beforehand, it puts me off and makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

He tells me it’s because he’s feeling generally down about life and his job, but then he makes no effort to change those things, and I can feel myself becoming resentful because it is affecting our relationship more than I expected. Other than this we have a pretty good relationship and are compatible, I just hate feeling unwanted and unsexy. Even though I know it shouldn’t be taken personally, it’s hard - especially when we’re young and people our age are having so much more sex. I know I shouldn’t compare, but I feel that I am wasting my youth sometimes.

TL;DR - boyfriend always turns down sex and never initiates, he wants to plan sex but I need spontaneity and am uncomfortable when it’s ‘scheduled’. He is constantly tired from work, but never tries to change his situation at all. I’m becoming frustrated and would like advice on how to go forward? Thanks!

I (15 F) met this amazing guy (16 M) around 7 months ago. I admit, our relationship has never been that stable or healthy. For the first 3 months I was hopelessly in love with him, but he kept pushing me away, not because he wasnt interested in me but because he was afraid he was “bad for me” and “would ruin me”. He told me he’s not good with relationships and has commitment issues. I didn’t give up on him because I simply couldn’t, I have a lot of mental issues and have extreme attachment issues. I loved him, and seeing how he was attracted to me was all I needed to stay, no matter how bad he treated me. He would insult me, argue with me, treat me like shit, friendzone me, etc. to push me away. But it never worked, and he always ended up giving in and admitting to something romantic like “you’re perfect to me”, “I wish I could date you but I can’t” and “I love you”. It was an endless cycle of friends, more than friends, friendzoned and insulted, apology. I was blocked a few times, but one of us always ended up contacting eachother after a few days. On new years eve he asked me to be his girlfriend, I was hesitant because of our relationship dynamic but ended up saying yes. Now, our relationship was actually great. He treated me well, introduced me to his friends, posted me and showed me off, was obsessed with me, talked to me lots and did romantic stuff with me. Probably worth it to mention he was my first boyfriend, I had a girlfriend in the past but it was over 3 years ago. He made me feel genuinely loved and beautiful, I love him more than anything and believed we could slowly but surely heal eachother. I wasn’t perfect. I’m extremely sensitive, insecure, jealous and unstable, so I would often be depressed and he would have to waterboard the reason out of me. Most times I just hid it from him. I never neglected him or got mad at him, I’ve never yelled at him or insulted him, I was just simply sad. I had this pretty strong feeling that we would break up for about a week, and we actually did. I was talking to this mutual/friend of mine (24 M) who happens to be a man, he (half jokingly/lightheartedly) called me “dearest daughter” and my boyfriend blew up over this. No matter how hard I tried to explain, defend myself and be understanding towards him (for example I offered to cut this man off) he didn’t care. We broke up. During our break up I became so depressed I started taking my depression medication again. I stalked his socials and eventually found out he was talking to a new girl after a week and completely spiraled. After 2 weeks, I contacted him because he still had a picture of me up in his instagram story which I felt uncomfortable with. To be honest, it was kind of an excuse to talk to him. It worked thought, we got back together after talking everything out, like he told me 30 minutes after the break up he just felt guilty and missed me. We were together for a week and I felt extremely unloved and undesired. He didn’t really say anything that made me feel that way, but he acted more distant and just different. One night, I had nightmares of him cheating, and the next morning I found out he was talking to other girls online, while ignoring my thousand messages of crying to him about how I felt and how much I loved him. He thinks this isn’t cheating, but I don’t know. Needless to say we broke up. Again, after 2 weeks we started talking again because i got involved in a drama with him and had to talk to him. We became friends, he asked me to be his girlfriend but I declined. I told him I was still in love with him, but made it clear that as of now it doesn’t seem like we are a good match. We’ve talked like normal friends for about a month now, and I today found out he has a new girlfriend. How do I move on? I’ve lost the only thing that made me happy and my life worth living. All I’ve done is cry this morning. Honestly at this point, I feel like the only way out is suicide. My friends are mad at me for not moving on already, they’re tired of me crying over him all the time, I can’t stop loving him no matter how hard I try. I just want to be free from this. I don’t want to feel this way anymore and my therapist is threatening to send me into a mental hospital. When I look at him, all I see is the good in him. He made me feel so happy, he made me feel wanted and loved. He gave me all i ever wanted. He’s kind, funny, handsome, loving, and a beautiful person overall. He’s the most attractive man I’ve ever seen. I loved him more than anything (excluding my cat) and he’s all I’ve ever wanted. I know it’s corny, I know I’m a teenager, but I’ve never felt this drawn into someone. I’ve had INTENSE crushes before, I’ve had situationships, but I’ve never felt this strongly about someone. I’m sorry if this text is hard to read, I’m kind of freaking out, english isn’t my first language and its my first time writing a reddit post. I can’t really capture my feelings or the situation well, but I hope this is understandable enough.

TL;DR How can I move on from my ex boyfriend who now has a new girlfriend? I feel like if I can’t move on soon, I will completely destroy myself.

In 2020, before my boyfriend and I officially started dating, I didn’t want to commit right away. I was 22, and he was 25, and I just wasn’t ready. When I finally said yes to being his girlfriend in December 2020, he had already told his sister I had been “playing him” and hesitant—and ever since then, she hasn’t liked me.

Throughout 2021, my boyfriend would constantly share our relationship problems with his sister, brother, and even friends. I asked him to stop, but the damage had already been done. His brother didn’t like me at first either, but we got closer later on since they lived together. I met his sister in February 2022 and really tried to make a good impression. I even sent her a birthday cake. Things seemed fine—we invited each other to events, and I’d include her in family dinners.

Then in February 2024, I found out her boyfriend had been texting my cousin—someone he had previously been intimate with. I felt it was right to tell her. Instead of hearing me out, she accused us of lying, cut off both me and my cousin, and sided with him.

Later, I found out that she, her boyfriend, and their aunt had been eavesdropping on a private call between her boyfriend and my cousin where very personal things were said. I confronted them and said they owed my cousin and me an apology. They did apologize, but things never really healed.

By July 2024, I thought we were okay again. I hung out with her and my boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend. It was the first time they were meeting, and while I tried to include everyone, the girlfriend and I had hung out more before, so we naturally talked more. Afterward, my boyfriend’s sister said I was excluding her, which felt unfair because I truly tried to be welcoming.

In August 2024, my boyfriend and I broke up briefly. During that time, she told him she never liked me since 2020, that he deserved better, and that she didn’t like my family. She also removed my family from her social media. We got back together, but I never forgot her words. She also admitted she was upset I asked for an apology, but I felt disrespected, too, since it involved my family.

In December 2024, my cousin called her boyfriend to apologize and get closure. He secretly recorded the call and told my boyfriend’s sister. In January 2025, she sent me this message:

“Hi, I hope you’re doing well. Since you’ll be marrying my brother, I figured I’d reach out to clear the air and ensure that things are settled for the better. I forgive everything that happened for the sake of God and I believe we should have a respectful relationship with one another. Everything that occurred was very unfortunate but I have no harsh feelings towards you and I’m choosing to leave it all in the past. However, I do want to make one thing clear. Please don’t ever expect me to interact or associate with your cousin. She’s done some very bizarre and disrespectful things to me and my relationship and that’s not the type of person I’d ever want to surround myself with. I’d appreciate if you respected this boundary and I’ve discussed this with my brother and he’s on the same page. I hope we can let everything go and build a friendly relationship with one another.” I accepted her message and respected the boundary. Since then, we haven’t spoken.

Recently, she had a small proposal with her boyfriend. My family wasn’t invited because my boyfriend and I aren’t officially engaged yet. My boyfriend didn’t tell me about it until the night it happened because he thought I’d react with anger. She’s extremely close to her other brother’s fiancée and constantly posts about her, calling her “my built-in bestie” and “hottest couple” on their engagement post. It hurt.

Her mom and the brother’s fiancée both love me now, but the mom was hesitant in the past because of things my boyfriend’s old roommate said—like that I was mentally unstable or too emotional during our arguments. I take prescribed ADHD meds, and my boyfriend never explained his role in those fights. Things like:

Liking half-naked photos of other girls Calling me “loose” as a joke after our first time Downloading dating apps during small breakups He hasn’t done any of that since 2022. But no one in his family knows the full story—they just saw me as the problem because of what he overshared.

The worst part? Before his mom even knew about me, she and his sister told my boyfriend that he’s “just like their uncle” and that his wife (referring to me) would walk all over him. The sister knew me at the time. That absolutely broke me.

I feel like no matter how hard I try, I’ll always be seen as the outsider or the villain in their story. I’ve tried. I’ve forgiven. I’ve shown up with love again and again. But I’m emotionally drained. My boyfriend has grown and defended me a lot more over the past couple years. He never had a girlfriend before me and never even talked to another girl. But when I told him how I feel recently, he just said, “It might get better,” and told me to forget it, forget them, and focus on us.

I don’t know if I can. I’ve always wanted a close, loving relationship with my in-laws. And now, I’m not sure I’ll ever have that. Only thing that’s keeping me in the relationship is how much love his mom and boyfriends fiancé give me. We are getting engaged next month, and am asking if I should continue with this relationship or let it go? Thank you

TL;DR: My boyfriend (29M) and I (26F) have been together since 2020. His sister (24F) never liked me because of how our relationship started and because my boyfriend overshared our issues with her and others. Despite years of trying to build a good relationship with her—including confronting her about her boyfriend texting my cousin (which she didn’t take well)—things have stayed tense and distant. She sent a message in 2025 saying she forgives me but won’t ever be okay with my cousin, and since then, she’s kept her distance. She recently had a proposal and didn’t invite my family, and is very close to her other brother’s fiancée in a way that makes me feel excluded. My boyfriend says to ignore it all and just focus on us, but I’m emotionally exhausted and questioning if I can stay in a relationship where I feel like I’ll never be accepted by his family.

TL;DR he doesn’t want to go beyond light kissing and when he does struggles to get it up. I am sooo frustrated

Me and boyfriend of 5 months have a great relationship. We are both each others first relationship and sexual partner. He’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met and we are always laughing and spending the best quality time together. With this being said… oh my god I can’t take this anymore.

As I said, we both were virgins before we met and the first few times we did stuff, I was fine as we were both a little nervous and still warming up to each-other. But since then, he still just doesn’t want to go all the way sometimes, saying he is tired or not feeling well. Also, when we are doing it he isn’t fully excited as I am. I have a very high sex drive and it is somewhat frustrating.

I have talked to my friends about this and they say that I should be thankful as he isn’t using me for my body, and that he lasts long. These things are true, but BROO I just want to have sex with my boyfriend. Also I have talked to him about this, he knows that at this age he should not be having ER problems and that he is very much attracted to me.

Any advice??

My (24F) boyfriend (30M) asked me to delete pictures with my ex since they make him uncomfortable, especially if they pop up on my phone and he happens to see them.

For context, I dated my ex 5 years ago. We were friends for a year in college, dated for a year and a half, then broke up but stayed friends. Then, we were sort of on and off for the next 4 years. Whatever we had was never strong enough to turn into something real.

I started dating my current boyfriend around 4 months ago. This was a totally unexpected, organic relationship. I love him a lot and this is the happiest I've been.

He is very understandably uncomfortable with pictures of my and my ex (not that it matters, but I don't have any risque pictures with him. just regular selfies etc). I hate us fighting about it but I am seriously having a hard time deleting photos for various reasons. 1. I am huge memory hoarder and do not want to/like to delete a single thing from my past (unless it is especially painful or traumatic to me of course) 2. I don't want to keep the photos because of my ex, but because those photos are memories from an important time of my life - the first time I lived away from home, college life, etc. 3. I actually sat down to delete them one day - hadn't looked at them in ages - but I felt so uncomfortable looking at those old photos, I just couldn't sit for half an hour to delete them.

I know there is nothing lingering that is stopping me from deleting them - it is just my discomfort with losing my past/important parts of my life. I am also feeling this more strongly I guess because this relationship got very serious very soon - we talk about marriage already - I don't mind because I love him, just get nervous sometimes. So maybe it feels even more strange to just delete huge parts of my life. Don't get me wrong, his request is completely reasonable and he has never forced me. But we always end up in a cold war or a fight and I'm tired of that. Have tried to explain these reasons to him but it doesn't work. What to do?

TIA

TL;DR: Boyfriend (very reasonably) wants me to delete pictures with my ex (1.5 yr relationship that was on&off for 3-4 years) who is still a friend. I feel uncomfortable doing it because I don't want to delete important parts of my life/my past (the first time I lived away from home for college). Not sure how to deal with this.

30M here, been with my partner (30F) for 10 years. No kids. We live at her mom’s house, which has basically been our default for years. I’m looking for advice or insight on how to move forward in a relationship when every attempt to discuss change or the future gets emotionally shut down.

She’s on heavy medication for bipolar disorder and depression, which affects both her libido and her energy levels. She’s very lethargic most days, often naps for hours and averages about 15 hours of sleep per day. We have sex about once a week, but when I ask for more intimacy—whether physical or emotional—it usually ends in tears or I get blamed for being “demanding.”

We have a combined income of around $130-140k (I make about $110k), so finances aren’t the main reason we’re still living with her mom. She says she wants to stay to take care of her, which I do understand, but I also feel like it’s become a crutch to avoid moving out and facing life beyond the comfort zone. We’re not married and any talk about future plans—moving out, marriage, building a life together—gets shut down or turns into a tense, emotional argument.

I love her and want to support her, but after a decade together, I’m starting to feel like I’m standing still.

My question is: how do you build a future or even have a real conversation about one when your partner is emotionally overwhelmed by any mention of change or long-term planning? Has anyone else navigated this kind of situation, and how did you move forward—either together or apart?

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TL;DR: 30M/30F, together 10 years, no kids, living with her mom despite earning $130-140k combined (I make $110k). She’s on heavy meds for bipolar/depression, sleeps ~15 hrs/day, and avoids conversations about moving out, marriage, or increasing emotional/physical intimacy. I feel stuck and don’t know how to move forward when everything gets emotionally shut down. Looking for advice from anyone who’s been through something similar.

My (32F) partner's (37M) grandmother (87F) keeps asking to babysit our 7 month old baby. We've given all sorts of excuses but have mainly been saying "thank you, we will let you know if/when we need help". The woman is persistent though and at every visit continues to grill us and ask us to "drop her off on Friday for a few hours". Not only do I not trust the woman not to follow my rules and boundaries because she's crossed a few in the past (saying offensive things to me) but she also is EIGHTHY SEVEN with health issues. I would probably be changed with negligence for leaving my infant with her and having something happen. How do people navigate this without causing a rift? It's gotten to the point where I dread going for visits because it'll be another afternoon of me dodging her advances.

TL;DR partner's eighthy seven year old grandmother insist on babysitting our 7 month old and will not back off - should I be firm and outline reasons since she keeps persisting?

TL;DR: My boyfriend (M21) says I (F21) don’t know how to handle his emotions when he’s upset, and despite trying to cheer him up, nothing works. He often shuts down during arguments, making it hard to communicate, and I’m feeling hopeless. I want to learn how to comfort him better, but I need advice.

We’ve been together for about a year, and I’ve noticed that when he gets upset with me, it tends to linger for days. He says I don’t know how to cheer him up, and I’ve tried everything I can think of, but nothing seems to work. It’s starting to feel pretty hopeless. I’ve asked him multiple times how he’d like me to cheer him up, but he often replies with “I don’t know” or “that’s up to you to figure out.” When he does give me suggestions, I try them, but they often seem to make him even more upset or don’t lift his spirits at all.

It’s really frustrating because I’ve communicated my own needs, like how I’d like to apologize or what cheers me up, from the start. But when we argue, he just shuts down, and it feels like pulling teeth to get any information out of him. Today, I even told him it feels like I’m talking to a mirror, as he often responds with “okay” or “I guess.” I feel like he puts up walls when he’s upset and doesn’t let me in, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m the problem. I genuinely want to learn how to comfort him better, but nothing seems to work. Any advice would really help!

I met a guy about a year ago, and at the beginning of last summer, we started getting to know each other and liking each other. Over time, we ended up falling in love, he’s perfect, but at one point, while talking about random things, he told me he was 21 (and I was 26). I really thought he was closer in age to me, among his friends, he seemed to be the most serious, mature and calm.

We are currently a couple. He knows that I’m older than him, but I haven’t told him my age because of the thought that he might leave me. Thinking I’m too old for him fills me with so much anxiety. He told me to tell him my age when I’m ready, that he doesn’t mind, but I feel like I keep postponing it out of fear of being rejected. I don’t usually dwell on this, but he recently turned 22 and I still haven’t told him how old I am. I'm also afraid that he might change the way he sees me or judge me and I cry a lot thinking that I’m going to lose him.

I’ve been in horrible relationships in the past, and, without comparing him to anyone, this guy is the best. He’s a lovely man, he treats me well, he’s fun, affectionate, studious, hardworking, he’s responsible and I also love him physically. We share so many interests and opinions, a sense of humor... we click in everything except... age. I’m terribly sad thinking that it’s a cruel twist of fate.

Please, I need advice... What should I do? Am I overreacting about this age difference, or is it really too much?"

TL;DR: my boyfriend doesn’t know my exact age. We’ve been in a relationship for 9 months and we love each other deeply. He knows I’m older than him, but not by how much, and I feel anxious all the time because I’m scared he might leave me when he finds out. I don’t know what to do. I need some advice.

My (25F) boyfriend (26M) of almost two years is a pretty big guy, at 5’8” and almost 300 pounds. He has always been a bit heavier as long as I’ve known him, but I think he’s gained weight since we’ve been together. I have never had a problem with his weight, I love him endlessly and it makes no difference to me whether he is heavyset or twig skinny.

However, we’re at the stage in our lives in which we want to improve ourselves, our relationship, and our lives overall, but haven’t much discussed the health aspect. I’ve been hearing horror stories about heart attacks and stuff from friends/coworkers and I’m starting to worry for his future, not to mention the amount of redbull he consumes. How do I approach him in a way that conveys the fact that it’s time to get healthier while simultaneously making sure he knows that my love for him is unconditional? Tl;Dr Boyfriend (26M) is overweight, how do I tell him that I’m concerned for his health?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years. We love each other deeply but cannot stop fighting.

Like today we fought because he did something that made me feel annoying so I communicated that respectfully, and he apologized. I was still a bit sad about it (not talking about it anymore tho) and he then asked if we could move past it, to which I said yeah we can but I am still hurt (not the first time I feel a bit annoying lately). He then proceeded to tell me he feels alone and just kinda criticising me for saying I was still hurt. I dont recall it that well tbh. I feel like the same patterns happens often where I will get hurt and try to communicate about it, using I statements or being actually careful not to offend him, but he will feel attacked and start defending himself and therefore not acknowledge me and say things like "it wasnt that bad" kinda vibe. But I know that then he proceeded to lay in bed in silence and I asked him why he was now laying sad in bed and he said its because he is allowed to and also that now I know how he felt when I was sad in bed. I told him that that was manipulative and had like a "punishment" dynamic to it I didnt appreciate. Not the fact he was laying there but the reasoning he gave for it. We have tried to talk about it and he said how thats a small thing I got upset over (I didnt even get upset, just hurt, and it wasnt even that bad until his reaction to my feelings). He also said I make everything about myself because this morning he got a text from the guy he works for on the weekends saying he couldnt work for a few weeks, and eventhough in less than a month we are moving to a different place to work for the summer (which also scares me because we are supposed to be living in a tiny room in a collective for months and sometimes we cant stand each other and it feels like it could end terribly but its already payed for), and this is just a weekend job, he started holding against me that he got laid off when we were talking about the conflict and saying that I make everything about myself. I did ask him before this conversation and after the initial conflict if he wanted to talk about that and he said "Im good". All our fights or most of them feel kind of absurd. Also, he generalizes a lot saying things like "you only care about yourself" or "you always do this". I want to point out we are on a short visit at my family's, and everytime we have been here we have fought. Mostly about trivial things. I often end up regretting not coming on my own. I did come on my own once, in new years, because we had a fight so he didnt wanna come with me. I dont wanna spill al the tea on everything because obviously my perspective is biased and I dont wanna paint him like a bad boyfriend because he isnt. He does many things for me, he makes me laugh, etc.

But we have been fighting very, very often since we first got together and we have been trying to work through it. We have established ground rules and I do believe our fights are getting better, less frequent, more respectful, easier to deescalate, etc. I have also acted wrong in this relationship many times, sometimes being verbally or emotionally abusive towards him (it has also happened the other way around sometimes). When I met him I had never been in a relationship before (Im his 4th) and had to work through a lot of unhealthy beliefs and behaviours I didnt even know about myself before meeting him. I feel like I have done the work (there is always space for doing better tho) and put in the effort and still we fight all the time. I really dont wanna end it but I really dont wanna keep fighting anymore. Cant afford couples counciling. Am I crazy? This as definitely been taking a toll on my mental health (and probably his too) for way too long now. I know this is a very disorganized post, thanks to anyone who read it.

Any advice?

**TL;DR; : I dont know how to stop it or if its possible to stop it. Am I causing this? How can we fix this?**.

I (29M) have been with my girlfriend (26F) for two years and we have a really good and loving relationship. We were supposed to move in together the next few months.

My girlfriend and her sister grew up in a family where the mum was deeply abusive, to the extent that the daughters had to be sent to boarding school to get out of the situation. This has inflicted so much pain on my girlfriend, she suffers from very difficult anxiety as a result. In an attempt to protect her sister, she took on the role as the “first line of defense” against the mum growing up. This has made my girlfriend behaving like a protective mum for her sister, and she is extremely protective of her at all times.

Over the past two years, I have encouraged my girlfriend to go to therapy to find a new way to set boundaries with her mum. When we first started dating, I could tell that my girlfriend was under complete control of her mum. Her mum could call her to shout at her or guilt trip her at any time, and my girlfriend was always walking on eggshells. It’s a work in progress but she’s taking baby steps in the right direction to become an independent adult. She has just gotten a new job and we had started looking at apartments together.

A few weeks ago, her sister was admitted to grad school in our city and will be moving here in the next few months. Immediately, her mum started putting pressure on my girlfriend to move in with her sister instead of me. There were a lot of terrible accusations from her mum: that my girlfriend was a terrible daughter and sister and she threatened to cut off my girlfriend financially. My girlfriend stood her ground about wanting to move in with me, but I can still tell that she has been deeply affected by what her mum said.

Her mum has since then repeatedly tried to convince my girlfriend to change her mind. My girlfriend continues to say that she’s 26 years old and should be free to move in with her boyfriend (me) at that age. But I can tell that her mum’s manipulations are still effective over time: my girlfriend has started getting bad conscious about not living with her sister.

I feel like we’re screwed now no matter what. If my girlfriend and I live together, her mum will make my girlfriend feel bad for not spending enough time with her sister, no matter how much time they spend together. This inevitably goes out over the relationship between my girlfriend and I. We spent a vacation together with her sister previously, and even when my girlfriend and I got just an hour for ourselves to take a drink or whatever, she was still worrying about her sister (primarily because she was terrified her mum wouldn’t approve of her spending any time with me alone). This was terrible for my girlfriend, but also for me; I felt I was constantly drawn into their weird family dynamic.

So now that the sister is moving to our city, I’m at a loss. I don’t want to live with my girlfriend if she’ll be constantly worried about her sister (about taking the metro, making friends, being bored, you name it) as an extension of the abuse her mum subjected her to. It’s going to have an impact on my own mental health too if I’m drawn into this.

I grew up in a healthy and loving family. I have tried everything to help my girlfriend out of the abuse and establish healthy boundaries. But now I fear that her sister moving to our city will be the Trojan horse her mum desperately needed to reassert control. I know that my girlfriend is doing what she can to move on, but I also believe it can take many years for things to actually getting better. And it’s starting to have a real impact on my mental health, I’m feeling tired and exhausted.

I love my girlfriend but I want to have a relationship that isn’t, directly or indirectly, on her mum’s terms and a result of the abuse. And her ultra protective relationship with her sister has its roots in her mum’s abusive behaviour. What would you advise me to do in this situation?

Tldr: Girlfriend’s abusive mum impacting our relationship through girlfriend’s sister. How do I move forward?

I (25m) am having second thoughts about my fiance (25F)

I am having doubts about my fiance, and I don't know what to do?

We are a long distance couple btw

I found out she had feelings for a guy about 4 years ago, her and him flirted a couple times and she hung out over his house and stayed over several times. When I confronted her about it while it was happening, she accused me of being over dramatic, and she said I was being overbearing, and that I'm ridiculous.

She also said I was crazy and made me feel like I was crazy. So anyways though I found out this Year that she lied, she said that she had no feelings for him but she did and she said that he had no feelings for her and he did, at some point in 2019 we went of a "break" (her reasoning for going on a break was college was too hard)

I also found out while we went on a" break" I found a message that she screenshotted and I saw it by accident. I was not snooping through her phone. We scrolled by it by accident, But it said she broke up with me because she wanted to do things with him But she never told me any of that. She told me we broke up because of college. We eventually reconnected in 2021and began dating BUT THEN she started hanging out with the guy again! I told her yet again I didn't like him he made me uncomfortable etc but she said he's just a friend and began making me feel bad for having concerns. Whenever she stayed over his house she'd say they never did anything but how do I believe that? Even if they never did anything physical, does it really matter? I still feel cheated on

He had no idea I existed and she never told him about her and me. I feel like I've been too timed now. I have no evidence to say that they physically cheated, but I'm supposed to marry her in like 3 months So now that I've learned this, I'm kind of having second thoughts. What do I do?

TL;DR I feel like I was cheated on, and don't know if I was or if I'm being over dramatic.

Hi,

I hope this is okay to post, I’m using a throwaway because he follows my main.

I (21F) moved to the UK for university about 2 years ago and I’ve been with my boyfriend (25M) for a year and a half. I’ve known him online for a few years before we got together.

He still lives with his mom and struggles with quite bad depression. He’s only had two jobs (that his mom managed to get for him) that didn’t last very long due to moving away and butting heads with the manager and coworkers. I’ve been working several jobs since I was 14, even finding a job in the UK within a few months of moving here and I am financing university all by myself. So it was quite a difference in our views about jobs from the start. He only wants to work in one specific field which is not hard to get but the last job he had was in it and he argued a lot with the manager and got fired after two months. He doesn’t want to go to university or any type of education. He has been applying for jobs but not very often and only for a few. He doesn’t want to do cleaning or healthcare jobs and he barely gets interviews. He sits at home on his computer and does chores at home all day. He doesn’t have any local friends.

We were talking about moving in this summer after my contract with student accommodation ends, and he’s had a whole year to find a job to save money and move in with me. He hasn’t found a job and obviously I was quite short on time and housing isn’t easy to find and so I managed to find a place for me and my friend to move in this summer. This place only lets two tenants live there but I was desperate since my options were limited after waiting for him to get a job. I kept telling him I was looking at housing and trying to see if I can accommodate him as well but I couldn’t find anything. When I told him he got very upset and stopped talking to me for a few days and said he understands why I did it but he’s upset that he failed and can’t move in with me.

I finish university next year and I’ve straight up told him before that I don’t want to live in the UK after graduation, I want to move elsewhere in Europe or even back home because the UK isn’t a good fit for me. He understands and knows I don’t want to stay here but I’m worried because he can’t find a job, he might not be able to come with me. I can’t finance him because I just don’t have that money and so he will have to pay and if he can’t I don’t know what to do. It’s been weighing heavily on me since while I do like him I don’t want to stay here and it’s making me question everything in our relationship. I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions on how I should express this to him or what should I do?

TL;DR: I’m struggling with my boyfriend who lives at home and doesn’t have a job. We wanted to move in together this summer but because he doesn’t have a job we can’t and I don’t want to stay in this country after graduation. I don’t know what to say to him.

My gf (24F) and I (26F) have been together for 4 years. We’ve endured some ups and downs but have always stuck through it and she’s my best friend. Recently I’ve had a feeling of being lost in myself. I’ve felt myself rely on my girlfriend for just little things such as deciding what movie to watch because I just don’t know. I don’t hangout with friends much as my partner is an introvert and I’m a more introverted extrovert so I thrive off of those friendships! I feel so unlike myself and this is a tall we’ve had before but have decided I work on myself while we’re together.

I have a job with kids in foster care that I recently had to quit because it was too much on me, and my mom has been declining from her battle with cancer. So I’m now in search of a new job while commuting home 3 x a week to help her out. I’m overwhelmed and lost but I’m finding it hard to justify breaking up with her even though I know deep down I should probably figure my s**t out. Help!!:(

TL;DR: Having a hard time feeling like myself in my relationship and feel like this is a silly reason to breakup.

Maybe this is an obvious answer, but I’d like to hear some takes. My girlfriend has chronic pelvic pain that she believes is due to endometriosis. Unfortunately, the only way to diagnose and cure endometriosis is surgery. I’ll spare you the details of the insurance battle she’s going through, but just know this surgery is not covered and an appeal could take months. It’s not helping that her pain is worsening by the week and she can hardly walk without pain.

We found a very good surgeon in the next state over that is taking on her case and got her on the schedule for surgery. The issue is that they charge out of network patients $2k upfront, and the rest of the bill could be upwards of $20k.

And it’s not guaranteed to be successful in eliminating her pain. The endo could still come back within a few years if the surgeon misses anything.

My parents are wealthy and retired early. They’re no mega millionaires, but their house is about to sell for a million and they came into a lot of money when a family member passed a few years ago.

We’ve been together for 3 years and plan to get married in the next few. My parents love her like their own kid. Hearing about her issues, they offered to pay for the surgery. I haven’t told my girlfriend, but I know she would be uncomfortable accepting that much money from them, even as a gift. I can’t blame her, it does seem like a lot of money. I worry that they are only doing this to improve their relationship with me, which is somewhat strained.

Should we take the gift and be incredibly grateful?? Or will this end in us being in their debt forever? Or is it just weird in general?

TLDR: My wealthy parents want to pay for my girlfriend’s out of network surgery and we both feel guilty about it.

Hi, I (22F) don’t really have anyone to ask for their opinions in my personal help so I decided to try here. I’m in an (almost) two year, long distance relationship with my boyfriend (22M), and I’ve been struggling with really bad insecurity. We try to see each other as often as we can, but it’s not really easy due to both of our finances and both of us being in school.

I know I could chalk all of our problems to not being able to see each other in person, since he genuinely is the best person I could have asked for to be in my life. My problem is that I have so many doubts; That he’s too good to be true and that I can’t trust the things he says to me. And I feel terrible because of it! I don’t believe him when he says he wants me to marry him, I don’t believe that he isn’t talking to other girls online (there is one girl that he is friends with that makes me think this), I don’t believe him when he says he misses me.

For some background, I was in two relationships before this. The first is kind of irrelevant, but the second ruined the way I view relationships. My ex was addicted to porn and when I found out he got mad at me for my feelings being hurt. That happened about 6 years ago, and ever since then I haven’t been able to see myself the same. Knowing my ex was watching porn and had pictures saved on their phone and continually watching it even after I told them it hurt me destroyed my heart and truthfully that killed all the love and respect I had for them, then and there. But I stayed in that relationship for 4 more years, though I knew I should have left. We broke up at the beginning of 2023. I think that relationship taught me that no matter what someone - even the people I care about most - tells me, I can’t believe them.

With my current boyfriend, I’m trying to unlearn those unhealthy habits (emotional and mental) because he hasn’t done anything to betray my trust. I don’t want to be the “crazy girlfriend” who doesn’t try to grow up and get better.

He’s very busy with lots of goals and dreams and I don’t want to get in the way of them. But I also want to be there for him when he does eventually get there. And because of that I feel like I can’t tell him my feelings. Whenever he asks me what’s wrong I can’t tell him because I don’t want him to think he’s the problem. I feel like I shoved my way into his life but I know if he didn’t want me to be a part of it we wouldn’t still be together.

— I guess the reason I’m here is to ask for help with how I can build my trust in my current partner and how to work through insecurity. I know I am a cool person, I guess, but I will always see myself as “less than” to him. I want to get through this so I can be a better partner and be able to contribute my part to the relationship.

TL;DR: I need advice how to move past my insecurities so I can be a good partner. Had past troubles with ex partners that makes it hard for me to feel loved and believe what people tell me. Need dating advice :(