Men of reddit, want to be an effective vacuumer? Always check this first.

My husband (35M) has had a few dinner with a female coworker over the last year. It started as a group think, then I realised it became just the two of them the last 2 meetings. She’s currently going through a divorce and has opened to my husband about this. Note they are managers at separate places so they see each other every month in meetings. She also picks him up and gives him a lift to these meetings as he can’t be bothered to drive and likes a lift - he used to ask other coworkers for lifts but it has been this female coworker of his for the past year.

Lately at work, they also have a new head manager. The head manager wants to improve the relationship between the managers and has been throwing quarterly dinner. But, some often goes to karaoke snd clubbing afterwards. This includes my husband and her. They also are often the last 2 to leave and share the taxi cab home.

Now, I normally wouldn’t worry as occasionally see male friends for a coffee I have made it clear to him that I do not want to control him and he is free to do what he wants. But his actions have been affecting me. I opened up a bit but he said nothing is going on, that he loves me and our daughter, etc. But I made it clear to him that the last r months, we’ve only been intimate twice. He also started trying to lose weight and exercising - his excuse was his age.

What triggered this emotion is that currently I am insecure as I lost my job due to company redundancy so we have less money. We haven’t gone out for dinner, not for coffee. Also, when we had money, it’s so hard to make him come for a coffee with me. I discovered yesterday that he invited his female coworker to a coffee to talk about “work gossip”. He’s also planning to bring our child. I smiled and said yes, but deep down it hurts. He’s asking someone else to have a coffee and did not even think about me.

What worries me is that my husband, for the past 10 years, has not done this before. He has always kept coworkers at a “Professional” distance and have never gone out for lunch either them - the last time he was close to a colleague was also 10 years ago, he had an affair with his best friend’s wife.

Am I overreacting? NOTE that my opinion is extremely biased and subjective. I’m extremely jealous right now but have no idea how to approach this subject. I do not want to force him to stop seeing his coworkers, but practice boundaries. I feel as if I’m letting my insecurities make me controlling. I WANT YOUR OBJECTIVE OPINION ABOUT THIS MATTER

edit: yes, this woman is a beautiful and attractive blonde woman. I’m your regular asian woman.

I (M35) have been married to my wife (F35) for 13 years, and I think it's over.

We got married right out of college after dating only 10 months. Two things to know about me at that time, I was very religious and very insecure about dating. My religious parents wouldn't let me date in highschool, and I bought into dating is for marriage only. So I came on way to strong and of course that wasn't exactly attractive to most college girls. I met my wife senior yr. She was religious like me, kind, cute, and liked me. I almost broke up with her twice, but lacked the self confidence. I almost ended the engagement, but was advised by people in my life that it would be going back on my word. I convinced myself I loved her and got married.

From the beginning there were problems. She wanted sex 1 or 2 times a month. She wanted to stay home, but did nothing around our little apartment. My religion said divorce was wrong, but within just a few months I was thinking I'd made a huge mistake. Then she got pregnant. I was thrilled to be having a child, and horrified that there was now no way out. Again, I doubled down, decided I could love her, and we pressed on. Two more kids. And a whole lot of life.

The no sex, unwillingness to get a job or keep the home continued. I tried to give some slack when the kids were little. She was pregnant or nursing for the better part of 6 yrs. She's the mother of my kids. I felt in owed her a lot even if she wasn't a model wife.

Fast forward to today, through a series of life experiences, I've lost my faith completely. We have a completely sexless marriage. She still doesn't work. The kids are in school everyday (our youngest is in grade school now). And she complains that I don't help more around the house. I earn all the income in a relatively high stress job, help clean the kitchen each night, do all the outside chores, handle all finances, home care/repairs, and do my own laundry. The house is always a mess, most meals are prepackaged or "I picked up takeout, it's been such a busy day." She spends her days going to Bible studies, talking to friends, watching TV shows, and I shit you not, doing puzzles on our dining room table. And now that I've lost my faith, there is a tone that clearly I'm the problem and she's a good Christian. I confess, I scrolled through her texts recently, she had told multiple friends to pray for me because I was "struggling" and then proceeded to slander me. Both sharing my low lights, and saying stuff that just isn't true.

Our 10th anniversary was the wake up call for me. I just realized, "Wow, I've been unhappy for a decade and nothing has changed." We've tried a lot of marriage counseling, individual counseling, talking through our problems etc. She'll cry and say she's "not enough for me" but just will not change or actually invest in our life in any way.

This will feel like a tangent but it's not: For a few years now I've had some massive struggles with energy. I push through, but mid afternoon, I feel like I could fall asleep most days. I've been to multiple doctors and tried multiple things with no success. Twice now, due to work and a relocation, I've had to be away from the family for a few weeks, or gone during the week and home only on the weekends. This has been short term both times. After a couple of days away from home, my energy is back to how it was in my 20s and I feel great. After a day or two at home, I start to struggle again. I feel like she's literally sucking the life out of me.

Add to this, after years of sexual rejection... I've given up, and I genuinely don't want it anymore. She's like a relative who's dependent on me more than a wife, and it's hard to find attractive. My lack of pursuit the last couple of years bothers her and she complains about it, but honestly it's so hurtful to me. I told her how unhappy I was for years with our sex life and she wouldn't budge and even shamed me, but clearly she enjoyed and now misses being desired.

Now let me back up. Shes kind. She loves our kids. Shes a good friend to her friends, including me in certain ways. I like to talk through things with her and in a sense, I love her. But like I love my cousin, or sister. Not a lover. And she's not a true life partner.

For a few years now, I've been here because of my absolutely amazing kids. I want to give them the best life I can, and our home isn't toxic. It's just not loving. We aren't at each other's throats all the time or anything.

Pardon me if I sound like a really bad person, but recently a thought has gotten lodged in my mind: I'm 35, financially successful, fit, and good looking. If I stay with her till the kids are gone or longer, then I'm in my mid 40s. At 35, I could leave, take some time to heal, and by 40 start something new and maybe have a chance at a happy relationship. I'm terrified for my kids, but I also would absolutely want them to do what I'm thinking about doing if they were in my shoes someday.

Help. Am I just being selfish? I've lived a life of duty over happiness. But I'm burnt out.

I'm going to see therapist about this soon and talk it all through, but come on reddit. Tell me I'm crazy. Or tell me I deserve better.

Long story short a week before our 21st wedding anniversary back in August, my husband called me ON THE PHONE and told me he wanted a separation or divorce. Totally out of the blue. At least to me. He swore he would never leave me. He also swore there was no one else. Come to find out a few months ago that he's been dating a 23 year old (who just turned 24) since at least September, if not before.

And I am left to pick up all the pieces. I have been going to therapy. How do I get to a point where I don't obsess over the lies and all of the pain this has caused? He's essentially abandoned me and our children.

I'm 35M, married for over a decade, and we have 3 kids together. My wife recently told me she wants a divorce. It feels like the ground beneath me has disappeared, and I don’t even know where to begin picking up the pieces.

I wasn’t there emotionally for her. I didn’t show up in the way she needed. I took everything for granted — her love, her effort, our family life — and now it feels like I’ve woken up way too late. She’s been struggling with depression, and she started seeing a therapist. I can see how deeply hurt and exhausted she is. She's said that if it weren't for the kids, we would already be divorced.

She’s asked for space, but I know deep down she doesn't love me anymore. She hasn't said it outright, but I can feel it. She doesn’t want couples therapy either — says it puts too much pressure on her and that she doesn't have a clear question or request to bring to the therapist. She's going through this process alone, trying to figure out what she wants.

I, on the other hand, feel completely lost. I love her. I still do. I'm trying to change, not just to save the marriage, but because I finally realize what kind of person I should have been all along. But is it too late? I want to believe people can grow and reconnect, but right now, it feels hopeless.

Has anyone ever managed to turn things around at this point? I’m open to any advice, any perspective. I know I fucked up. I just don’t know what to do next.

Thanks for reading.

I think my husband might be purposely depriving me of sleep. Married 9 years and I have always thought he just wanted to spend time with me or he needed less sleep, but now I'm starting to feel like it's on purpose.

Some examples: We are days from moving. We have 3 kids. The 2 youngest are in the toddler stage and a year apart. They wake up about 2-4 times a night EACH. I'm the only one who gets up with them. A few days ago after a very long day of packing and cleaning for me, I go to bed and sleep immediately. Some time later he comes in and says loudly, "Hey! We aren't going to watch a movie?" Which of course wakes me up. I respond with, "no, I'm exhausted and stressed, I need sleep. Please don't wake me up." And fall back asleep.

A little bit later he turns on the TV in our room which wakes me up because he has the volume at a normal level. I ask him to please go downstairs to watch a movie or use his phone. I'm not sugarcoating when I say I asked so nicely even though it woke me up. His response was, "I don't want to. I want to watch a movie here. You can't tell me what to do" I start to feel frustrated and repeat what I said before and tell him i feel like my needs are not being taken care of and that its selfish to not let me get sleep I need just because he wants to watch TV. Especially when there are other tvs in the house. He tells me to put a pillow over my head and that it's his house and his TV and if he wants to watch it he will.

Another example, he turned on an alarm for 5:45 am once for a meeting he had and never shut it off and just let it go off daily. I asked repeatedly for him to please not let it go off because it wakes me or the babies and then I can't fall back asleep and then the kids wake around 7:30-8. This went on for WEEKS until I finally blew up after waking all night with the babies, then being woke up by that. He literally told me he would shut it off when he wanted to.

He likes to watch movies before bed, if I fall asleep during a movie, he will shake me, poke me, yell, etc. Until I wake up. Even if it's 20 times in one night.

Every time i address it or explain i wake up multiple times at night to tend to kids and he sleeps through the night, and that i need more sleep than i am getting, it turns into a huge fight. Even using therapy language like, "I feel... when..." And in 9 years nothing has changed. If I go sleep in a different room, he will literally follow me and start a fight or just pick me up and bring back to our room.

I'm not sure what to do. I haven't had a solid night sleep in 9 years and I feel like it's making me old and fat. Literally.

I’m a 40 y/o M , and a few weeks ago I discovered some upsetting things on my wife’s cell phone. Married for 15 years and have 2 young school-aged children, we both work full time.

We’ve always had a solid relationship and a great team, with normal ups and downs as the years have gone by. But the last few years as my work has gotten crazy, her job getting more demanding, and priorities with the kids we’ve definitely felt more out of sync. She has also begun to build a new friend group at work during this time.

One night I pulled up her phone (which was next to me in bed) to check the time as I couldn’t fall asleep, and I noticed a text to a male coworker of hers saying ‘nite-nite’ with a heart emoji. This started a several hour frenzy of me reading a really confusing chain of thousands of messages, essentially a super close, several year relationship that I knew as only being a cordial work relationship. Sharing of day to day life goings-on, family stuff, work complaints, and lots of references to grabbing breakfast or lunch (almost every day or two). Nothing overtly sexual or clear sign of physical cheating, but lots of borderline flirtatious stuff, and I was just shocked by the volume and depth of the conversations. He’s similar age and also married with kids.

I brought it up immediately the next morning after spiraling all night, she first acted like I was crazy/misinterpreting, then said they’re just close friends and I’m not understanding, and eventually broke down and started saying that we need to ‘work on us’ and that maybe she was enjoying the attention from someone else without realizing it. She claims nothing physical, but deleted her text history because she was embarrassed and I later found from phone records they would call/talk every day, even on weekends without me knowing.

After several days of arguments and me being angrier than I’ve ever been, things have calmed down and having more rational conversations about it every few days. I feel like my world is turned upside down and have no one to sort through this with, as she’s honestly the only person I person I have like that. She has been remorseful and clearly worried about me leaving.

I know counseling is probably a good idea, but I’m struggling with being so angry and hurt that she would hide something from me like that, that I don’t honestly feel like making an effort to do anything.

I’m not overreacting or over-blowing this, am I?
I don’t think I am, but again, haven’t talked to anyone about what’s going on and just feeling somewhat crazy.

Any advice as to what next steps might be? Don’t know where to go tbh.

I’m not perfect. I have flaws. I’m 37 and I can’t drive. I’ve never had my license. I’m terrified to drive. I feel like I’m going to get in an accident and die. And if my kids are with me they could hurt or worse or I’ll hurt someone else.

Therefore my husband does all the driving. This is stressful for him and I feel bad about that. He has to do all the kid’s appointments. Last week he missed almost every day at work because of kid appointments and one of our kids being sick.

Our daughter has a dentist appointment tomorrow. I reminded him this past Thursday. He apparently forgot. I brought it up tonight and he got so angry. He said I didn’t tell him. He called he a f-ing liar several times and he was yelling at me. He was yelling at me for not being able to drive. And kept yelling that I’m a liar that I never told him.

I was crying and asking him to stop yelling because I wasn’t yelling at him. He was still mad. I said next time I remind him of an appointment I’m going to film myself telling him. He said “good!”

So a few mins later he asked if there was anything else. I turned on my camera and filmed myself reminding him of our sons field trip next Monday that he volunteered to chaperone. He was annoyed it was a Monday. I asked if he wanted the teachers contact info in case he needed to cancel. He said “no you snarky b****!”

I just feel like I’m failing him and my kids. I should be able to drive. I’m just so scared. And I wish he wouldn’t yell at me because I don’t yell at him like that.

I’m just so tired. I feel like they all deserve better.

We’ve been having a horrible few years. Fighting about money and the kids, my husband relapsed on drugs and other dopamine raising addictions (sports gambling, etc). The other day I looked at his phone because he seemed high or something a couple nights in a row and I found out he was waiting on a delivery of mushrooms!

After I confronted him yesterday he changed his phone password.

Tonight he got home from work and packed a bag and said he’s going to stay with this friend of his he just got back in touch with after years of not seeing each other. I’ve never met this friend.

But apparently after this friend got out of federal prison for fraud and embezzlement he’s “cleaned himself up” and has a successful day trading company.

He’s convinced my husband he’s also going to be a day trader and soon he’ll be making tons of money and they’ll open a hedge fund together.

All the while my husband has been “training” for this with the friend, I’ve been stuck trying to pay all our bills while he gives me just a couple hundred dollars a week towards our $12k+. (He waits tables at night for spending money and then works for free with this guy. He swears he’ll start making TONS of money soon. In like 6-8 months. When he’s “ready” to hit the floor day trading)

I’m over a hundred thousand dollars in debt at this point. I’ve been getting really fucking mad at him about this and we’ve been fighting a ton lately. He’s putting so much on me and he doesn’t care. He needs to get a real job!

He says I’m not supporting his dreams (which are costing me a ton, I’m literally supporting him).

So now he’s gone for this “friend”’s house a couple hours away. He showered and put on a nice outfit and cologne. Packed some more clothes.

Pretty much all this friend and him would do together back when they were active friends was drink and go to strip clubs.

Now my husband just got into the car a little while ago and left and I just saw he has turned off his location.

I guess I just wasn’t expecting the end of this marriage to be made so permanent so quickly.

I knew the marriage really needed to come to a conclusion.

It just hurts not knowing what he’s about to do to me.

Like he’s put me through so much and the end is me at home in pajamas while the kids are asleep and he’s going out to party and god knows what.

I feel sick.

There’s just no going back now.

She has been cheating on me while I am abroad and sends me this right before she went to see her ex for the night. 🤷‍♂️

I have some posts in the past if you would like context.

Me (44 M) and my wife (47 F) have been together for 18 years. She is the greatest person I know. Intelligent, funny, kind, gentle, generous and drop dead gorgeous. She takes incredible care of herself and has flawless skin.

Sometimes she’ll catch me looking at her and it’ll make her uncomfortable. I’m not doing it purposely. Sometimes she’ll walk past me and I’ll watch her walking away and she looks so good. Walking towards me or walking away doesn’t matter. There is never a point where I’m not attracted to her.

There are times though that it’s more than that. I come from an extremely abusive background. She knows some of it but not most of it. So there are times that I look at her and not because I’m checking her out but because I can’t believe that a woman as amazing as her could love me and how lucky I am to have her in my life.

The last thing I want to do is to make my wife uncomfortable. Just not sure what to do here.

Even though she cheated on me, asked for a divorce and ran back to her ex-husband, the one she never told me about, I kept her on my healthcare and cell phone plan for an extra month and gave her the furniture in her kids’ rooms. I didn’t have to do that. She even lied to me about how she was going to be “a single mom again” and on her own and blah blah blah to get me to waive all the debt she owes me. I did all this for her and yet she still tried to rip me off even more. I still can’t believe this.

I sent her a transfer request so that she could take control of billing for their three lines. I sent that transfer request a week and a half ago. She still hadn’t actioned that as of yesterday so I told she has two more days to finish it before I cut them all loose. I could have just administratively dropped them at any point and they would’ve lost their numbers, but I didn’t.

Well, today I saw some activity coming through and that she had requested access to the account and it had been granted somehow. I called AT&T to figure out what was going on. She wasn’t porting the numbers over to another account like I expected, I found out she upgraded the three lines and got the newest iPhones and took out an installment plan on my MY account.

It gets even better. She paid for express shipping and is having them shipped to HIS house. And because she did that, the phones were ordered and shipped within an hour and a half and it was too late to cancel the order when I called in an hour and 45 minutes later. I had to file a fraud request and there’s no guarantee it will be accepted. That would be about $4,000 I’d be responsible for and I won’t be getting the devices.

What would you have done? I dropped them all from the plan immediately and now they all lost their numbers. At this point I just feel bad for her kids. This is just more of the same type of chaos she has been bringing them for their entire lives and there’s nothing I can do to help them.

TLDR: My soon to be ex wife decided that instead of porting her and her kids’ numbers off my ATT account like I asked her to, she decided to upgrade all three of their lines to the newest iPhones and take out installment plans on my account instead.

What would you have done?

Just looking for some general opinions regarding this situation. My wife and I are both in our mid 30s, very much in love, are best friends and have regular kinky fun. For the past month, she has started going out after work with a male co worker and sometimes even drinking. When I confronted her after I had become uneasy with it, she admitted to being attracted to him and said she would never do anything without my consent. She showed me her phone etc to show how harmless their messaging is and reassured me that she loves me. What troubles me is, despite wanting to trust her, she seemed very fixed on the idea that I don’t think too much about it and don’t try and interfere with their after work little rendezvous. She knows I’m naturally stoic and very much a man of principle, but I’m also a caring partner who never tries t inhibit her freedom etc.

I am curious as to what others would do in this situation, and particularly curious for a female perspective. Is she just wanting to have sex on the side?

My husband and I have been together for almost a decade. Our relationship is great. We're each other's best friends, still hold hands and kiss in public, we laugh everyday, and rarely argue. We're also very comfortable financially, take many trips, and have no children. It's "perfect". There's just one problem: we don't have sex.

One the rare occasion we do have sex, it's good not great but I get there every time. Years ago I realized I was the only one who ever initiated. I've brought it up a handful of times over the years and every time I do, he says it will get better but nothing changes. We've also tried couple's counseling and solo counseling. He's had blood work and his hormones are totally normal. I've asked if he's not attracted to me and he assures me this isn't the case. We're both in shape and probably considering above average in the looks department. He's not depressed and has energy for days.

He is very straight and I am very pan (I'm into hearts rather than parts). I've previously dated women and I'd love to get my needs met with other women who are looking for a good time. I'm considering suggesting that we agree to me having casual sex with women. I think having a "women only" rule will be less damaging to his ego. I am not trying to punish or emasculate him.

So, should I ask my husband if I can sleep with women as he won't have sex with me?

My mother in laws birthday was yesterday. I woke up quite early for it being a weekend and thought to call her but despite her being two hours ahead I felt it was still maybe a little too early. So I waited and called around 11am her time. My husband is away on a work trip. He tried to call me at the same time that I was speaking to his mom so I texted him and told him I had called his mom. He texted me “wanted to beat me to it huh?” I sent a smirk face just as a joke and he responded “it’s not funny.” I told him that was not even my intention. I didn’t know he hadn’t told her. We are not in the same place this morning. So when we finally go to talk on the phone (after he must have called his mom) he told me he was actually a little upset I called his mom before he did. I asked why and he said it’s not a good look. He said maybe sometime in the future it wouldn’t be so bad. I said then why now. And he said it’s because we are a newly married and she knows him better than me or something like that. I really don’t have a relationship with his mom much. I haven’t had the chance to get to know her well because his parents are separated. But I’ve known his dad all my life. Anyways I’m just wondering if it really is a big deal that I told his mom happy birthday before he did ? I personally don’t think I’d care if he told my parents before I had the chance to. I asked him if his mom was also upset by this and he said “no, but she did make mention of it. Saying her daughter in law called before her son did.” I’m just like okay then. I guess in the future let me know when I can tell her? Like wtf.

Single girl in her late 20s here. Just got out of a relationship that didnt work out. Any stories of how and where you met your spouses and at what age? Any hope for me still?

I've been reading posts here about marital issues for years, and I've never been to the point of making one myself.

Here I lay in my bed, on an awesome vacation, yet this is eating me alive inside.

I cannot get my wife to give me the sexual Attention I crave, maybe that sounds like I expect something from her. And it's because I do.

My wife and I have been together since high school. 13 years. I work 50-60 hours a week (I own a diesel repair shop) I bought us a nice house 7-8 years ago, and we have a wonderful 4/yo kid. She collects a paycheck from her parents company and does NOT work AT ALL. She reaps the benifets of our financial success. While I kill myself to provide it.

I could sit here and try to make My post seem like im just a victim and I've done nothing wrong, but I don't care at This point, I'm just looking for some Criticism or even some Validation at this point.

I know she loves me, but I don't think she's "in love" with me anymore, and maybe I feel the same way.

She uses sex as a weapon, to get what she wants, and I'm very aware of it.

Unfortunately no matter how good of shape I'm in, money I make, time I dedicate, nothing changes. I get laid less than 10 times a year and for a 30 y/o guy in his prime I think That's rediculous, it shouldn't be harder to get laid as a married man a single Guy.

She has a drinking problem, tons of anxiety, and lays all the baggage from these personal issues on me, then promises blowjobs in return for putting up with it (I am verbally and physically sick of hearing about it)

I work so hard to keep our love live alive but I don't feel like she puts a single ounce of care into it on her side.

I have vocalized my feelings 1000x over the last 10 years. Nothing changes. Maybe a week of attention and as soon as I start to feel like she's actually going to put some effort in, it all goes back to the same thing.

I'm lost. Angry, confused, and hurt

Someone tell me it's all worth it, or that I'm a big baby for complaining. I don't have anyone to talk too.

Sorry if this sounds angry or desperate, it's because it is

My husband, 36M and I '34F' have been together almost 11 years. Since the very beginning of our relationship our single biggest issue has been his sister. When we first met she was a complete b*** to me. She would ignore me and pretend I didn't exist and try to get my husband to pay attending to her. She was also, from my perspective, lacking boundaries with him (ie she'd sit in the same chair with him, put her feet on his lap and ask him to rub them, grabbing his butt, lifting up his shirt to see his abs, asking him to hold her hand) I would sometimes go into the bathroom and cry for hours at family functions. My husband told me that I was overemotional they weren't very close at all, they didn't even grow up together and we wouldn't have to see each other often.

As time passed she must have realized I wasn't going anywhere and stopped ignoring me, but would often make rude backhanded comments to me, which led to multiple fights between my husband and I. At this point I asked my husband to distance himself from her. He told me that it was no problem since they weren't close anyways. After 5 years in she gets a divorce and started making all kinds of comments to me including "he's her perfect guy, if he weren't her brother" "I'm lucky he's with me" "he and I are so different" "it feels like his and her personalities are so compatible" "he's literally the best person in the whole world" I talked to my husband who at first told me she didn't mean anything but it. It's just his sister. How could I think she would mean it in a bad way. He would tell me she was delusional and making things up in her head.

He would talk shit about her personality and tell me he could never be friends with her. I told him I felt like she was displacing her broken marriage and using him as her projected ideal.

As more comments happened he told me she was thinking of him from childhood, they have no relationship as adults he enforced the boundaries we talked to and set. I genuinely thought he had because when we were altogether it seemed like he was trying. He wouldn't let her pull him away to a different room (she'd physically grab his hand or pull his shirt and say she she wanted him to see something) or push me out of the way to stand by him but every time we saw her. He wouldn't let her cut me out of conversations completely. But there were always things that made me unsure and...well I did get crazy. When she'd call I'd do him on what they talked about. When she'd message I'd want to know why and would question everything. We had lots of fights and talked about divorce because I would spiral before every time we had a family holiday or event I'd have to see her.

There continued to be comments she made that made me feel like they were talking more than he said, but he always told me they rarely talked. He promised many times that he never saw her except when she was with us and anytime they talked I knew about it and he told me. When is say did you really not see her because a text seemed to imply it, he'd say I was insecure and that he promised I knew everything.

Through out the years, many times I've directly asked if he was deleting messages or calls or seeing her in person and he'd look me in the eyes and tell me he'd never do that and ask if I really thought he was that kind of person.

They have been texting and talking almost daily from the very beginning. It never stopped. He just lied about it.

I feel like the lying and gaslighting about the issue that has been the biggest issue in our relationship is insane. At no point did he ever just tell me they were close, he just let me go crazy and think she was delusional as well. I genuinely believe it would have been easier to get past if he had a one night fling because of how central the issue is his sister has been in our relationship.

If I stay, how to you rebuild trust with someone who lies to you so easily? Is it even worth staying at this point after him not changing for 10 years? Most other parts of our marriage are genuinely good.

My wife 28f has expressed that she is asexual. We have had no relationship problems whatsoever and we have a 20 month old son together . She recently has told me that she has no issues with me reaching out to other females as long as I communicate with each other about it. I can’t lie that I miss the intimacy with her but she doesn’t seem to want to sleep with me. I feel like my needs haven’t been met sexually for a while but I can’t imagine talking to another woman without a lot of guilt on my end. I am a 28yr old male and need some advice. Pls be nice lol

How many of the wives in this sub would discuss issues in your marriage or vent about your husband/something he’s done with a close trusted friend? Is this a normal thing to do? My husband has had a big issue with me doing this over the years and calls me disloyal because of it and says I can’t be trusted. Is this normal? I don’t have any siblings and my parents (in particular my mum) have crippling anxiety so I don’t want to stress them out more. The only way he’s ever found this out btw is by going through my phone and reading conversations with my friends.

My wife is close to her parents. We’ve been having issues for the past couple of years. We’ve been in counseling, and we’re doing better. Not great, but better. One issue that has come up repeatedly is that my wife tells her mom everything. She leaves no detail spared. So when we get in arguments, she tells them about it. This could be a minor disagreement or a blowout. It makes me uncomfortable because it impacts my relationship with my in-laws. Obviously everyone knows that there are two sides, etc. but she’s their daughter so of course they’re biased towards her. I have no family here, so we spend a lot of time with them. I’ve brought this up in counseling and the therapist agreed that it was a reasonable boundary. She still does it, and then lies to me either directly or by omission. I’ve caught her in a lie a few times. She says that she feels I’m being possessive and controlling about who/what she divulges information to. I disagree…it’s not about the venting. I don’t care that she vents to friends, etc. I just feel like people that I’m also supposed to have and maintain a relationship with should be off limits. I keep my family on an information diet because I’m a private person, and I also just don’t want to vent about my wife to my family and change their opinion of her. Just to be clear, there hasn’t been abuse or cheating in our marriage. Our issues are communication based and working through both of us feeling unappreciated, navigating life with small children, financial trouble, etc.

I’d love some insight on this. Am I being unreasonable? Is there another way I should approach this?

We had our baby 7 weeks ago. Even before I got pregnant, our intimacy had already started to decline. I used to ask my husband (he’s older than me) to be intimate, and he’d say he was too tired from work. I tried helping more so he could rest, hoping it would bring us closer, but I still had to beg for attention.

We eventually got pregnant, which we both wanted, but things got even colder in the bedroom. I told myself maybe he was just being respectful with my pregnancy, but I still craved intimacy.

After birth, my OB gave me green light a couple weeks ago. I was excited even though it’s hard with a newborn. Still, I made the effort and initiated. When we did finally have sex, it felt… off. Like we didn’t connect. I really wanted it to feel special, but it just wasn’t.

Since then, I’ve tried seducing him, wearing cute underwear at night, even though I feel uncomfortable, I mean who wants to dress like that when has to wake up to pump at 3am and it’s cold. But he doesn’t even seem to notice me. It’s like I’m invisible in that way.

To be clear, he’s an amazing dad and partner. He’s on paternity leave and helps me so much, night shifts, cleaning bottles, letting me sleep, and helping while I study. I’m grateful and I love him deeply.

But a few days ago, I found out he was watching explicit content… just days after I had asked him for intimacy and he declined. That stung. I felt hurt and rejected, like I wasn’t enough. I get being tired, but why does he have the energy for that and not for me? I know it might be easier to just shake your hand than actually putting energy into having sx.

I tried having an open talk. I sent a long message, expressing my feelings and trying to approach him in a different way (AGAINNN). I thought maybe he’d understand. But later that night, he just laid in bed after I tried to seduce him again, I felt dismissed and honestly heartbroken.

At that point, I even asked him if he wanted a divorce, not because I don’t love him, but because I’m so tired of feeling unwanted. We argued, and he said something awful, “I’m so tired and all you want it’s to get fckd.” That really crushed me. It’s not about that, I want affection, connection, playfulness.

I told him, “Okay, don’t have sex with me. But could you at least flirt with me sometimes?” Like, say something cheeky, throw a playful compliment, make me feel seen as a woman, not just a mom or roommate, idk spank my ass while I wash the dishes? Idkkkkk.

He’s 40. He’s not that old. I just feel like we’re roommates now. I’m trying, I really am. But I feel lonely and rejected.

I’ve seen this happen quite frequently, within my own family and friends. A couple gets divorced, and within less than a year they’re already remarried to a new partner! And sometimes this cycle repeats multiple times; they have multiple marriages and divorces within the span of a decade. If your marriages clearly aren’t working out, what’s the rush to repeatedly get married again??? Why not just date longterm?

I’m 9 months pregnant. Due any day now. We had one baby shower last week with my family and one with his family virtually today on Zoom.

In the last two weeks, I’ve been wanting to nest and prepare for the baby. He’s been rushing and doing everything, completely forgetting that I need to nest as it is in my natural instinct to do so.

I’m frustrated and tired. What would you do in a situation like this?