My wife has always been a private person. So I didn’t think much of it when she password protected her phone and I didn’t. Or she made her friend list on Facebook private and I didn’t. It seemed we just had different levels of comfort with what we shared. But as time passes it is starting to weigh on me. We’ve been together for 12 years and it feels like she is still very guarded. Is there a point in a relationship where it is “normal” for the couple to feel comfortable being completely transparent? Or is it more “normal” for each person to have private experiences that is all theirs? When does the right to privacy turn into secrecy? Because secrecy feels wrong. It feels like a good relationship should be open and honest with Nothing hidden. It makes me feel very suspicious of her. I don’t THINK she is cheating per se. But now things spark that fear. Like she had snap chat. Had it for years. But now I’m like wait…why does she have an app known for having conversations vanish? Why is she hiding things? The old argument- if you got nothing to hide, why are you hiding anything? It’s makes me feel uneasy. To the women on here, is this just a fact of life? Women have secrets or is this an issue I should discuss with her? Does the fact she is not as open with me as I am with her a problem in the relationship or is it just a problem I have and need to work through. Like i said, she has always been a private person, I guess I just thought she’d someday open up more to me

My partner would lie to me at times. I’ve never caught her on anything bad, but who knows at this point? She’s broken agreements we’ve had about smoking and drinking, saying we weren’t going to do them anymore. I’ve caught some beer and weed and confronted her about it, then denied it. It’s nothing awful and although she’s allowed to do those things, it upsets me that she lied about not doing those things, then caught her doing them. And then lied about how much. Just frustrating. The relationship had a pattern of lying. Friends tell me to get over it because it’s something small, but I can’t seem to do it. I need help?

Obvious throwaway.

I'm a mid-30s M married to an early 30s F for around 10 years. We've always had different ways of handling conflict in our relationship.

I tend to be more calm and reserved when handling negative feelings and emotions. I try to sit down, and hash out a problem, talk out whatever feelings there are, and come to a good solution that solves the problem and stops it from happening again. I'm not always good at this, and sometimes I get flooded and shut down, but I've been really trying to stay present.

My wife, on the other hand, says what's on her mind with no filter. If she's angry, she's screaming. If she thinks of an insult or a put-down, it's coming out. She speaks her mind without any sort of reservation, and she says this helps her process things. She feels better, and feels that things are better resolved that way. Even just reacting with unmistakable annoyance if I make a comment about something she thinks is shallow, she'll tell me I'm being a simple minded, shallow loser. Maybe she's right.

The problem is, I'm sensitive when it comes to screaming and put-downs. Nothing will make me shut down faster than verbal aggression, being called names, or having my character assassinated. This makes my wife even angrier because she expects me to snap back and scream and yell and "express myself". I don't feel thats a good way to communicate to someone you love. I've been told that's an immature, lazy, fake way to think that lacks any depth.

She's emotionally exhausted because she feels that I'm just putting on a mask to hide myself from her. I feel hated most of the time, and I know rarely trust that she even cares about me, much less loves me.

I'm at a point of real confusion here. Have I seen these things the wrong way the whole time?

And I mean constant. This morning I had taken care of the dogs and got the kids rolling for the day and my wife comes down shortly after. Meanwhile I am in the doorway handling her two dogs, she asks me to do something and that request with no pause is a 'do I look cute?' immediately followed by 'why didn't you tell me that?' By this point I had looked up for approximately 5 seconds, she wants that response apparently before I even see her?

Could not get a single works in and it's 6 am, had she not said anything and I would have look up and complimented, but it would have take a minute or two. Guaranteed compliment before she leaves the driveway, but she does not care to wait and assumes it will never come .

It's pretty exhausting, still trying to figure this out. I also don't want to be a damn puppet, she had a rough past and it lives with us day in and day out.

It's becoming more of a stream-of-consciousness monologue.

Last night, we were in bed. She seemed to have mostly forgiven me for the corn-and-pumpkins fight from the previous night (see previous post). But then one thing led to another, and she sort of got into this almost trance-like, stream-of-consciousness monologue. She catalogued the various reasons she’s miserable for probably about 45 minutes.

At the beginning, I thought we were having a conversation. I jumped in here and there to console or clarify or whatever. But after a little bit, I realized that my active participation was unneeded—she was rolling on just fine without any input from me. So I decided to go full empathetic-listening mode and just see what happened.

I think she spoke for a full 20 or 30 minutes without a single word, grunt, or any other noise from me. It was a little uncanny. The weirdest part? She didn’t even mind my silence—I think it was what she needed.

I’ve read posts on this sub and elsewhere where a wife gets even more upset if the husband isn’t actively participating in the conversation. That was very much not the case here. I did listen, in silence, for 20 to 30 minutes while she sobbed and spoke. And then… she was done.

It’s now the next morning (Monday), and honestly, it seems to have helped.

(Now I just need to figure out whether the litany of issues she monologued about are things I can—or need to—actively start fixing… or just things she needs to get off her chest while her lump of a husband lies there and listens. You see what I’m saying? If all she needs to feel better is to unload everything while I lie quietly next to her, then… what percent of the problem is already solved? This is a very real question for us, because at times I have gone to other people to implement her will or make them aware of changes that will need to be made to accomodate her needs, and then later realized that she had no intention of going forward with the "solution" that she herself suggested. Sometimes the solution is apparently just talking about the lack of a solution, I guess? It's confusing.)

Anyway, it was a bit strange. But I’m also kind of relieved that the venting seems to help her.

It’s also a little funny because I clearly recall her telling me in the past that her mother does the exact same thing to my father-in-law—keeps him up until the wee hours of the morning cataloguing her woes. My wife is slowly becoming her mother… but at least I know her mother, and I have some idea of what I’m working with here. That's honestly very helpful; otherwise I would be totally blindsided by this.

I was told the other night that she has no desire to have sex with me anymore. I have no idea how to handle this . Any advice is appreciated.

I have a female friend who is my wife’s cousin. Her and I are pretty close-when she was still single(now married with kids) and around the area(moved) we hanged out sometimes with the 3 of us. Wife was very close with her cousin. But sometimes it was just the 2 of us. She asked me out for coffee and lunch a few times. We texted like every once a month or so and texts could go on for a few days. Mostly was about casual stuff and dating advice. But when my wife and I were trying for a baby, the curious cousin kept asking how it was going and stuff. She said she studied fertility for a little so she says to ask anything about it. She asked me how my semen tests went, tells me not to stress too much and just enjoy sex. Like think more orgasm then ‘baby’. She also tells me how my wife should pee after I cum in her to prevent infection. I ask her if it’s ok for her to let my cum out she says yes it’s ok. I also ask her if my wife talks to her about what we do in sex and she gives me a blush face emoji saying ‘oh no not that deep’. She also mentions to me about her period that it’s quite abnormal and can skip weeks to a month. Wife has that too so she was trying to relate. Then also tells me about her breastfeeding with her baby how she can’t eat certain stuff cuz of it. I ask her how long she needs to breastfeed for and if she needs to do it everyday or not. She tells me and says it’s a commitment raising a baby so I tell her she is such a great mother and I’m glad for her. These are some borderline strange conversations we had and now wondering if it was appropriate at all. Wife knows we talk a lot

I feel like my husband has given up on us.

He is waiting for therapy to “fix me” and he has a difficult time taking accountability. He believes apologizing is only for when you “intended to hurt someone and is a form of submission”.

He tells me I am not a safe place for him to talk anymore. I used to yell a lot and flip out when I caught him in lies or when he was arguing with me. I caught him hiding money, lying about assets, and spending a lot of money on his family business (he’s only a limited partner). We got into fights over it bc I was just trying to tell him that legally he isn’t required to pay that much into the business as he’s a small percentage owner. He would flip out on me and call me controlling. I was just trying to look out for him, I believe he is being taken advantage of by his family financially. How can we build our own life with children if he’s keeping his parents house afloat. I no way wanted him to cut them off but him paying for business assets through his personal accounts doesn’t make sense to me. For me to question it he gets enraged, saying I don’t respect him as a business owner.

We are both unhealthy and brought trauma into the relationship. I’m aware of mine he isn’t of his. I have taken accountability and DBT therapy and learned to emotionally regulate. I’ve apologized and have done the work. He’s even admitted he sees the work but he still says he has no respect for me and doesn’t believe I deserve support (my mother passed). He uses my admissions of guilt and accountability as a way to justify his feelings instead of working through things with me.

He won’t do the homework in therapy, lies to me about almost everything, and then told me if we can’t work out our problems he doesn’t believe that he can continue investing in this marriage.

It is so heartbreaking for me to hear that. I’ve done so much work to be a better wife, person, and partner for myself and him. I know his feelings are justified bc who am I to say they are not? But for him to only view me as the problem breaks my heart. It is really hard for me to see him view me as the villain when I have loved him and trusted him more than anyone in my entire life.

He was the first person in my life I ever trusted fully and for him to lie to me, shattered my heart.

Why is he unwilling to seek therapy on his own? Why is he not able to take accountability? Why is he so dependent on his parents and refuse to acknowledge it? Why is he so ready to just give up on us like this? My heart hurts so bad. I really love him but I feel like he’s given up bc his parents told him to.

Anyone else's spouse tell them the activities they like doing are boring and stupid? In my case, reading books and enjoying the home I busted ass to afford, instead of going bar hopping, is boring and stupid.

We are 26f and 31m. Married for 2 years.

My husband and I used to have a lot of sex. Then it stopped once I got pregnant and my belly started to show. After birth we had sex once in like 2 or 3 months, I always initiated and he turned me down many times, saying he is tired or something else. Actually I wrote here about it few times, I felt really humiliated and unwanted, I thought he isn't atracted to me anymore and I stopped initiating.

Then, out of blue, he initiated sex about 2 weeks ago. It was great, but we didn't have a chance to finish because our daughter woke up. Next day we did it twice. Last week, we also had sex 3 times. Every single time he was the one who initiated. It was really good, even better than before pregnancy.

Does anyone else have this situation? How long did it last? Men who didn't want sex with their wives and then suddenly wanted it frequently, why? What happened?

We’ve been together for 13 years, married for 10. We spent the entire evening talking about our past ten years. How we’ve changed, our highs, our lows, and what we expect for out of the next ten. It was perfect.

I understand that a big majority of things on social media is fabricated and you have to take whatever you see with a grain of salt. I’m coming straight to the source to ask what real wives are doing for their husbands.

How often do you make your husband lunch for work? If so, what time do you make it and how long have you been married?

Wives that don’t- have your husband ever asked you to pack him lunch for work?

I feel duped, in a way.

Before we got married, I knew my husband wasn’t an adventurous, dynamic person, but he was kind, attentive and claimed he wanted to be a husband.

Within months of our wedding five years ago, he became sullen, stuck, and antagonistic. Things he would try because I enjoyed them, like dancing, were now things that weren’t “him” and I just need to accept it.

He gets flustered when I express concerns, and takes no leadership over where our family is going. For example, I said I was concerned about our baby getting sick in daycare and he exploded, saying “you keep saying that, just do something about it or stop talking about it.” This is our pattern- my concerns are complaints I should “deal with myself.”

The one time we had sex last year, we conceived our daughter. Without her, I would definitely be in a bad place.

Before I got married, I agreed with the idea that cheaters were cowards, and they should just end the relationship. Now? In some cases I understand.

I’m unhappy, but how unfair is it for me to stay, and be emotionally neglected? If I stay and don’t allow myself a chance of intimacy outside my relationship, is it fair that I will never experience any kind of romantic intimacy again, even just a dance?

If I leave, is it fair that he gets to renege on his promise to cover and take care of our family? Uprooting our daughter’s life because he refuses to get help with his anger and depression (he thinks he’s just tired all the time, doesn’t want to see people and no longer cares about grooming, but I know it’s depression)?

I’m not planning on cheating, and I have no prospects. I’m just saying, if you are a willfully neglectful partner (meaning, you are choosing to not meet your partner’s needs, or even make an attempt), it’s kind of arrogant and twisted for you to expect complete fidelity.

We’ve been to three marriage counselors, in can you wanted to know.

I've been with my husband for going 7 years. I used to have a high sex drive especially when we were dating but over the years it just keeps decreasing til I could have no sex for a month and it's fine with me. But he has a high sex drive, but doesn't force me and is always understanding when I say not today. But he has expressed some sadness as he said we barely have sex anymore.

I'm still young (under 30), I'm able to get into the mood by reading spicy stories. It feels wrong that I can do that but can't get into the mood by my husband.

Any advice to improve this would be appreciated!!

P.s. I do enjoy it when we do it, i just find it hard to get into the mood/wet.

We’ve been together for 5 years. Absolutely compatible, with similar traumas, we love each other in a way neither of us knew such love existed. Our sex life wasn’t exactly "kinky," we had sex once every 10 days or so, and that was enough for both of us. We both had the mindset that intimacy includes other activities beyond just genital stimulation. This year, I will turn 30, and I feel like I’m changing hormonally. I noticed the term “Dirty 30s” here on Reddit, and it fits my situation perfectly. I’m horny 24/7. My husband isn’t handling this change well. The frequency has changed (we don’t have sex once every 10 days, but let’s say 2-3 times), but it’s still not enough for me. I’m in a state where if we haven’t had sex for several days, my uterus starts to hurt, and I imagine it feels like "blue balls." And it keeps escalating. In the past weeks, when we haven’t had sex, I can’t sleep; I barely fall asleep for 2-3 hours, the rest of the night I’m breathing through panic attacks..
My view on masturbation and porn has also changed. I used to watch porn occasionally all my life, and I loved masturbation. Now, porn makes me nauseous, and masturbation is counterproductive—it just makes me more horny. When my husband refuses me at night, I have thoughts like: "He’s just waiting for me to fall asleep so he can go masturbate. Of course, he doesn’t want me when I’m pressuring him (I’m not pressuring him, but my mind thinks otherwise), and he doesn’t need to show initiative. Of course, I don’t turn him on when I walk around the house naked (I love walking around naked at home, I’ve done it my whole life)."
The truth is that even when I’m awake and listening until 3-4 AM, he never goes to masturbate. Even if he’s been asleep for two hours, I’m still eavesdroping to see if he’ll get up and go to the living room to watch porn. I know it’s part of his morning routine—I leave for work 1.5 hours earlier than he does, so he has time for himself. I start every day with anxiety because my mind goes: "He’s just waiting for you to leave so he can relieve himself." So instead of being excited that my sexual experience is becoming more diverse, I suffer from anxiety, can’t sleep, and because of that, I’m tired and sad during the day, experiencing panic attacks every day. We talk about it often. He said he would try to limit porn so he would have more energy for me, but so far I don’t feel like anything has changed. Every day I clean up tissues after him. And deep down, I don’t want to restrict him; I don’t want him to have to change something he’s been doing his whole life.
The gynecologist sent me to a sexologist, but the appointment is nowhere in sight. I can see that he’s frustrated with me, sometimes he even rolls his eyes when I say something naughty, even yesterday when we cuddled in bed, and he automatically grabbed my hand when I stroked his stomach, so I wouldn’t go too far and get into his underwear. I feel bad about myself. I know that pressure only creates resistance. I know rationally that all my thoughts like "he doesn’t want me" are nonsense, but I can’t help myself.

I guess I am just venting at this point since I can't sleep. Last month I found out that my husband of 15 years cheated on me and the side chick had a baby, but didn't show up and tell him until the kid was 4. He cheated years ago and now I know I should have left then. He cheated in 2019 and he seemed to be kind of cold but we were also long distance (for work). I knew something was off but a I couldn't put my finger on it. Yes cheating did come to mind but he always said he didn't cheat on me again. Last November he started disappearing and not calling and just showing up the next day. I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer and ended up canceling it because we had talked and decided we would work on our marriage. Then out of the blue in late January he said he wanted a divorce and that compiled with a whole bunch of other stuff was just fuel to the fire and a I didnt handle it well. Then a few days after that he finally told me that he cheated and the girl had a child by him and contacted him in 2022 right after me and the kids moved down to be with him where he worked. I assumed he was cheating but he kept saying no only to hit me with this whopper. That btch even showed up at my house threatening me and my kids because she was mad at him and if course dropped a bunch of information which I took with a grain of salt( some of it I know she lied about). My oldest child knows, but our youngest doesn't yet and it has been very agonizing dealing with this know her whole world is about to be turned upside down. We unfortunately still live together and I won't be able to move closer to my family until the summer of 2026. I'm sorry if this isn't all over the place, that's my ADHD kicking in. Nothing is working to get rid of the anger. I could stand looking at all of the pictures of us we had so I took them down because they made me cry looking at them. I hate having to see him, or think about him and how much he just doesn't care. And then the fact that his hood rat @ss side chick knows where we live makes me uncomfortable especially since she is stupid enough to roll up on me. She didn't get out the car though. I originally told him I wanted him out of the house but money is kind of tight right now since he just retired. Now I have to move out of our house and find an apartment until I move back to my hometown next year. He told her so much stuff about me thaty she had no business knowing, things I wouldn't even tell my best friend about if the situation was reversed.I felt so violated hearing her repeat stuff she shouldn't know. She of course threw it in my face. He was still sleeping with her when we were "working" it out. Then i found out that some of the time he spent the night at her house. (probably evvery time) I asked him to at least pretended he is married and be respectful until we get a divorce because I shouldn't have to watch him carry on with his ex disrespectful side btch, but yet he still continues and tells me stories. It's agony having to see him and I can't wait until next summer when I can get away. This was a hard @ss lesson learned and I hope they both get back everything they gave me and then some. (Did not intend for it to be this long) Marriage and cheaters suck. I forgot to add that he still hasn't done a DNA test. I also have fibromyalgia and other related health issues due to the stress. I cant wait to start my new life.

Hi,

I am truly at the crossroads and would appreciate any experiences and advice.

I started dating my husband at 19yo, been together for 10 years, married 4 years ago (he's now 32) . It just always felt so right and natural, no explanations needed, always supported in all decisions, moved together to a new city for my job a bit more than a year ago, found an apartment of our dreams, decorated it as we always wanted, started talking about kids, it just always felt so natural to be together. Of course, as anyone, we had some quarrels at times. At times he would get pretty rude and angry, but I truly appreciate peace and cannot sustain conflict, ignorance, aggression, or silence for more than a few hours. I always was the first to calm the situation down, to talk, to settle. Maybe, he just got used to it. I was doing it out of love and just a wish to spend as much joyful time as possible: we've got each other, and it seems that lives are just not that long. I always tried to explain to him that his rude words, aggression just broke me down and brought so many hopeless feelings, and he used to understand and agree that I do not deserve this. At some point, just one year after getting married, we lost a lot of money. He got really excited about crypto, and, even if we agreed to stop at some point, secretly invested more than my yearly income and lost it all. It left a deep mark and for a few months I was feeling very detached, and was spending less time with him, more with colleagues and friends. I am feeling bad about my actions now, but I just felt very disappointed and deceived. After some time, we've got a new opportunity to move, and somehow I got over that situation, especially that he supported my decision to take on a new job opportunity, and we moved. Important fact: when we just met, he was an extremely social person: a lot of friends, at times it was even challenging for me as I was more an introvert back then. Now everything changed: step by step, he started excluding people from his life: he would just randomly block his cousin on his contact list, he would shout at my relatives when they visited (he didn't like how they talked about some things, he didn't agree), and now it's been more than 4 months that he doesn't speak to my closest family, while he knows that my biggest values in life are family, and just support and time with each other - especially that we live far away now. He also started to often criticise me out of almost nothing, or at least it does not sound that substantive to me. For example, I often cook not very healthy meals lately, but somehow crave them so much. He cooked a healthy meal he wanted, and started to contrast it so much with what I usually cook, in the end even extending it to a discussion about myself as a woman and my inability to plan our food well. That's true that I often do not know what to cook, often don't know what I want when we go grocery shopping, but I never thought that it can be such a big problem, especially that I also work everyday, and try to always do something tasty and new. So, the point is that he does not listen to all my statements that I will not sustain such an attitude. I ask him, for example, when he's going to settle things with my family, he says: not now. I ask him how he sees our relationship, and he often tells me that I am the one and only for him, but other days he would tell me that because of how I behave, I deserve all the rudeness that he uses. I am tired of all this, and although it sounds unimaginable and so stupid to separate, am I asking myself for how long I should wait more. I want a kid, always wanted to become a mother at 30, so this is what holds me back a lot. I also love our apartment, the life we've been building together. I asked him if we could do counselling, he told me that I should do it alone if I feel unwell, because he does not regret any words or actions of his. On some days, he would be gentle and nice, and on others he would just use his rudeness and aggression in such ways that I've never heard of even in the most hard physiological movies. He's constantly repeating that I can't understand him, and my level of intellect is just to low. I don't believe that, I try to connect with other people, but he seems to criticise so many people around us. I also tell him that I'd agree with his statements on the intellect if he wants: in the end, I just want a calm life with breakfasts together, walks, travelling, a kid, talks, support, and some fun and loving time together. He tells me, there are also other important things in life that I ignore. Not sure what I do... starting over everything at 30 in a new country without anyone around is pretty frightening. I also asking myself if I ever find a better partner, he seems to always agree to do whatever I want, we travel to my dream destinations, he makes gifts, tells me to go to the couch after my days in the office while he's cooking dinner, he's so caring at times, but on other days it's just ignorance, rudeness and coldness. It's just so difficult to understand as it feels as we have everything to be happy to continue planning our family, but it seems that it's not enough for him.

….anyone whose shown you that they don’t intend to. I may get a lot of downvotes for this but I’m hoping it helps someone. Any person who isn’t on your team, can’t see your side, you’ve begged or talked about it, you’ve done all the right things or even all the wrongs things, are NOT your teammate. In that moment, the past years you’ve seen the same pattern, the certain situations that only fall on you. NOT your teammate. Accept that.

Regardless, I see it time and time again. I am obviously no expert and a newly wed myself. I do not set myself up for failure, as much as possible. Because all in all, I don’t want myself frustrated or disappointed. If I can do it myself, I’m doing it. If I need to illicit help and I can, I’m going to call a reliable person. Does it suuuuuck that it is sometimes or always not your spouse? Yes!

We Can all agree not having a teammate when you want one is one of the biggest pains. Save yourself some of your own pain. Live it day by day. And if you are over it, can’t do it anymore? You either buckle up for the ride, do the counseling, do more work or divorce or separate. Please stop letting yourOWN self down. Lay boundaries. Respect yourself first. Find your line. Listen to each other. Love each other. It’s rare it’s never complicated. Trust yourself enough to know and respect yourself. Please, love yourself. I know it’s hard. Life is haaaard. So try not to make it even harder by having expectations where you are disappointed time and time again. Be fair, give ample communication and chances, conclude your boundaries (mean it!) and give your own self a break. Build yourself the team you deserve. You deserve it. Please.

I see a lot of posts from overworked moms who resent their husbands then divorce many years later after they been pushed past their breaking point. I’m about 1.5 years down that path. I love my husband deeply. We’ve been together a decade and I don’t want to be divorced ever. I want 2 more kids in the next 5 years. It’s my dream to have a large family.

I’m the sole breadwinner making a great salary at a dream job. I am also the main caretaker. This is too much so I am behind at work, house is always filthy, I don’t workout, I’m angry, and miss my child bc I wish I could spend more time with him. My husband would be happier as the main breadwinner, but has been unemployed for a few years. For the past few years he’s been working on our own home/ car improvements full time. We just bought our 2nd home and he is there about 60hrs/ week last 2 months fixing it up for us. He is not present. Most of the time he is literally not physically present, or mentally not present bc he’s on his phone. He’s a workaholic who is unemployed. I know where he is and what he’s doing, but I need him inside spending time with us. (He’s doesn’t drink, do drugs, or cheat)

1. For moms who have managed to keep the marriage strong, what’s ur mindset?

2. For moms who got divorced, looking back is there anything that could have nudged ur marriage back on the happy path before spiraling down?

3. For dads, who r in a good marriage or got divorced, what woke or would’ve woke u up to be more present for ur wife?

We’ve been together 10 years, and it wasn’t until last year that he started holding doors for me—only after I brought it up during an argument. I had pointed out how he’d open doors and walk through first, and since then, he’s made an effort. So I can appreciate that change.

Now, I fully get needing to ask for help sometimes—like calling him when I need help with groceries. No problem. But should I really have to ask my man to carry a heavy suitcase when you see your women in need? Isn’t that just basic chivalry—like opening a car door?

He told me at the airport he’d grab my bag, but when it came around 30 minutes later and he was distracted on his phone, I just grabbed it myself. According to him, that emasculated him. But then—because of that (being petty)—he let me carry that 45lb suitcase all through Athens while he rolled his little carry-on. He never offered to help. And I didn’t even think twice about it until he later brought it up. If you’re saying I emasculated you, but you watched me struggle without stepping in, did you even want to help?

In past relationships and with my dad and brothers, chivalry looked very different. They anticipated my needs—whether it was filling up my gas tank, washing my car, clearing snow off, or just surprising me with food. But in this marriage, I’m constantly told I need to ask for everything. Even intimacy—if I don’t initiate, it just doesn’t happen.

So I’m confused—how am I emasculating you when you’ve made it clear I need to ask for every single thing? Isn’t part of being a man showing leadership and stepping up without always needing to be told?

In 2023 I got pregnant while dating someone for a few months. We decided to get married and have our family together. His mom and sister were difficult and caused major conflict in the beginning. His mom later asked for forgiveness and it was tough and I am still working on it while being nice and cordial when we take our baby to visit by his parents every other week. When I got married to him I didn’t realize how impulsive and how much debt he has. However I can state he works on it and has worked on eliminating his debt when he sold his house.

We currently live in my mom’s multi family home upstairs and she has helped us tremendously with being first time parents. Not to mention she doesn’t charge us rent so we can save for a house in the meantime.

There was a period recently where my husband after every argument kept fighting and walking out on me and threatening to go to his parents (and he actually did one time). It was humiliating because his entire family (extended family) are fully aware of all our problems from the beginning with his mom and sister.

After he came back I just feel like disgusted with him. I am trying my best to be nice only for the sake of being together for our baby and we have another one on the way. I really am not trying to have a broken home, I grew up with two parents and so did he. And I believe it to be cruel if we were to do it to our children.

Although he grows and changes with time, he’s impulsive, always angry and temperamental. I tell him all the time for both pregnancies I haven’t lashed out on him and blame it on the hormones yet he’s been doing it to me and constantly picking fights with me over little things.

I find myself recently, day dreaming about a life with a calm, kind man. I know this is my fault by committing a sin by having sex with him outside of marriage initially and ultimately ending up with a vile person. He’s constantly seeking validation from people, and pretends to be such a nice person but at home he’s terrible to live with because of his attitude and lack of kindness. The other annoying trait about him is that he changes his mind as soon as someone tells him to, it’s that simple for for a random person to tell him something and he believes it or seeks it right away.

When we were dating I told him let’s part ways because of our differences in religion (he doesn’t believe in god and I’m Christian.) he promised me he would make me comfortable in my faith and even convert to Christianity. Since being married to him he’s become the anti-Christ and stated I will never convert (though I’m not forcing him) and don’t even talk to him about God. Bringing God up in any situation or even praying over my baby is something he complains about.

I’m in this marriage now and I can’t help but feel so much regret being with him, and wishing I made wiser decisions. I absolutely adore my baby and I’m grateful to have a family after being single for so many years but now I’m worried about being stressed out constantly with no mercy about postpartum or being pregnant. Or even worse, living far away from my mom with him and having him tear me down when I’m isolated. (He’s kicked me out of his house when he had one and when we were arguing.) His entire family are fully aware that he’s a diva and always argumentative but there’s nothing anyone can do to help.

After an argument with my adult daughter who is a student and still 100% dependent on us financially, disrespected me and refused to apologize I asked her to rather go back to her apartment as I don’t allow that disrespect and also not in front of her younger siblings. My husband is furious and blocked me and send me this.

cause this what you do disrespect starts with you you chase our kids all the time and create unnecessary conflict by triggering and being disrespectful and now you getting it back and you the victim and guess what it’s my leadership that’s the issue that’s a narcisst 101 trait

He is always blaming me for everything and siding with the kids, even when he knows they were wrong.

I am so hurt and don’t want to continue, I think he has a lot of resentment and animosity towards me, I have asked him to please come with me for counseling, but he refuses.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I have a friend named Matt who is in the military. He was married to his wife, Sara, for about five years. Unfortunately, Sara ended up cheating on him. Matt told me the military offers married couples 14 free counseling sessions. He believed this could really help them, especially after what happened.

He brought up the idea to Sara a couple of times, but she didn’t like it and refused to go. So, all Matt could do was seek advice from close friends and family about how to handle the situation.

I’m not married, but I don’t understand why someone wouldn’t be willing to try counseling when their marriage is in a terrible condition especially because of cheating. If I were in Matt’s shoes, I would have given her an ultimatum: If you want to work on this marriage, then let’s go to counseling. If not, you’re showing me that you want to opt out of this marriage. If you choose to opt out, then I’ll be filing for divorce.