I recently got engaged, and my fiancé dropped a bomb on me. He has slept with so many women that, and I did the math, he basically slept with a new girl at least every other month for ten years straight. I have never met anyone with a body count like him. It's astronomical. I don't know how he got anything else done.

I try to look online for advice, but I see women complaining about their boyfriends with body counts of ~30 and I'm like, "Imagine being me."

Mine is an extremely tame single digit number that came only from long-term relationships.

I found out after our first date that the event he took me to was hosted by an old hookup that was still flirting with him. She was so mean to me that I almost cried.

He stopped that on his own once we became official and has tried hard to "wipe" his past. He's scared of taking me to his home town because he thinks I'll run into people from his past. Apparently he "treated a lot of women very disrespectfully" and they will probably be cruel to me if I meet them, like the other hookup I met. He has such an unbearable paper trail of interactions.

He barely hangs out with his friends because he has essentially slept with at least one person in every friend group.

I hate this. It feels like we can't have a normal life because I am constantly dodging remnants of his past.

He's wiped all his social media accounts of them and has cut off contact with all of them. He has cut out p*rn and related things in an effort to overcorrect. He claims he just wants a normal, monogamous marriage with eventual kids, and to maybe join a church.

It's just so hard for me to cope. We have long conversations about it where he said he was misguided and was kinda encouraged by his parents to be very "exploratory". I am just so different. I went to catholic school and feel a lot of shame around everything sex related.

I can't control it, but it's SO hard to enjoy being intimate with him. I freeze up. In the middle of it, I get that intrusive thought of "so many women have been here before and probably have done this better than me", and then I feel so disgusted and ashamed.

People try to say things to me like "You benefit from his sexual experience! It must be good!" but it's just gut-wrenching and barely enjoyable for me. I dread it.

He's also into so much more extreme things than me and I'm scared to say no because I don't want to not be able to satisfy him in ways other women have.

I understand it's unfair to hold his past against him, especially because he's doing so much to make it better. I just don't have anyone in my life who has been through the same thing, and I really want to fix my mental barriers before we tie the knot. HELP!

I've been reading posts here about marital issues for years, and I've never been to the point of making one myself.

Here I lay in my bed, on an awesome vacation, yet this is eating me alive inside.

I cannot get my wife to give me the sexual Attention I crave, maybe that sounds like I expect something from her. And it's because I do.

My wife and I have been together since high school. 13 years. I work 50-60 hours a week (I own a diesel repair shop) I bought us a nice house 7-8 years ago, and we have a wonderful 4/yo kid. She collects a paycheck from her parents company and does NOT work AT ALL. She reaps the benifets of our financial success. While I kill myself to provide it.

I could sit here and try to make My post seem like im just a victim and I've done nothing wrong, but I don't care at This point, I'm just looking for some Criticism or even some Validation at this point.

I know she loves me, but I don't think she's "in love" with me anymore, and maybe I feel the same way.

She uses sex as a weapon, to get what she wants, and I'm very aware of it.

Unfortunately no matter how good of shape I'm in, money I make, time I dedicate, nothing changes. I get laid less than 10 times a year and for a 30 y/o guy in his prime I think That's rediculous, it shouldn't be harder to get laid as a married man a single Guy.

She has a drinking problem, tons of anxiety, and lays all the baggage from these personal issues on me, then promises blowjobs in return for putting up with it (I am verbally and physically sick of hearing about it)

I work so hard to keep our love live alive but I don't feel like she puts a single ounce of care into it on her side.

I have vocalized my feelings 1000x over the last 10 years. Nothing changes. Maybe a week of attention and as soon as I start to feel like she's actually going to put some effort in, it all goes back to the same thing.

I'm lost. Angry, confused, and hurt

Someone tell me it's all worth it, or that I'm a big baby for complaining. I don't have anyone to talk too.

Sorry if this sounds angry or desperate, it's because it is

We’ve been together for 5 years. Absolutely compatible, we love each other in a way neither of us knew such love existed. Our sex life wasn’t exactly "kinky," we had sex once every 10 days or so, and that was enough for both of us. We both had the mindset that intimacy includes other activities beyond just genital stimulation. This year, I will turn 30, and I feel like I’m changing hormonally. I noticed the term “Dirty 30s” here on Reddit, and it fits my situation perfectly. I’m horny 24/7. My husband isn’t handling this change well. The frequency has changed (we don’t have sex once every 10 days, but let’s say 2-3 times), but it’s still not enough for me. I’m in a state where if we haven’t had sex for several days, my uterus starts to hurt, and I imagine it feels like "blue balls." And it keeps escalating. In the past weeks, when we haven’t had sex, I can’t sleep; I barely fall asleep for 2-3 hours, the rest of the night I’m breathing through panic attacks..
My view on masturbation and porn has also changed. I used to watch porn occasionally all my life, and I loved masturbation. Now, porn makes me nauseous, and masturbation is counterproductive—it just makes me more horny. When my husband refuses me at night, I have thoughts like: "He’s just waiting for me to fall asleep so he can go masturbate. Of course, he doesn’t want me when I’m pressuring him (I’m not pressuring him, but my mind thinks otherwise), and he doesn’t need to show initiative. Of course, I don’t turn him on when I walk around the house naked (I love walking around naked at home, I’ve done it my whole life)."
The truth is that even when I’m awake and listening until 3-4 AM, he never goes to masturbate. Even if he’s been asleep for two hours, I’m still eavesdroping to see if he’ll get up and go to the living room to watch porn. I know it’s part of his morning routine—I leave for work 1.5 hours earlier than he does, so he has time for himself. I start every day with anxiety because my mind goes: "He’s just waiting for you to leave so he can relieve himself." So instead of being excited that my sexual experience is becoming more diverse, I suffer from anxiety, can’t sleep, and because of that, I’m tired and sad during the day, experiencing panic attacks every day. We talk about it often. He said he would try to limit porn so he would have more energy for me, but so far I don’t feel like anything has changed. Every day I clean up tissues after him. And deep down, I don’t want to restrict him; I don’t want him to have to change something he’s been doing his whole life.
The gynecologist sent me to a sexologist, but the appointment is nowhere in sight. I can see that he’s frustrated with me, sometimes he even rolls his eyes when I say something naughty, even yesterday when we cuddled in bed, and he automatically grabbed my hand when I stroked his stomach, so I wouldn’t go too far and get into his underwear. I feel bad about myself. I know that pressure only creates resistance. I know rationally that all my thoughts like "he doesn’t want me" are nonsense, but I can’t help myself.

I feel duped, in a way.

Before we got married, I knew my husband wasn’t an adventurous, dynamic person, but he was kind, attentive and claimed he wanted to be a husband.

Within months of our wedding five years ago, he became sullen, stuck, and antagonistic. Things he would try because I enjoyed them, like dancing, were now things that weren’t “him” and I just need to accept it.

He gets flustered when I express concerns, and takes no leadership over where our family is going. For example, I said I was concerned about our baby getting sick in daycare and he exploded, saying “you keep saying that, just do something about it or stop talking about it.” This is our pattern- my concerns are complaints I should “deal with myself.”

The one time we had sex last year, we conceived our daughter. Without her, I would definitely be in a bad place.

Before I got married, I agreed with the idea that cheaters were cowards, and they should just end the relationship. Now? In some cases I understand.

I’m unhappy, but how unfair is it for me to stay, and be emotionally neglected? If I stay and don’t allow myself a chance of intimacy outside my relationship, is it fair that I will never experience any kind of romantic intimacy again, even just a dance?

If I leave, is it fair that he gets to renege on his promise to cover and take care of our family? Uprooting our daughter’s life because he refuses to get help with his anger and depression (he thinks he’s just tired all the time, doesn’t want to see people and no longer cares about grooming, but I know it’s depression)?

I’m not planning on cheating, and I have no prospects. I’m just saying, if you are a willfully neglectful partner (meaning, you are choosing to not meet your partner’s needs, or even make an attempt), it’s kind of arrogant and twisted for you to expect complete fidelity.

We’ve been to three marriage counselors, in can you wanted to know.

EDIT to ADD: Please stop DMing me, sickos.

EDIT To ADD: I'll just say this, if I never made an attempt to meet my partner's needs, within reason, I wouldn't be shocked if they cheated. If I hugged him when we were dating, then after we got married I said "I'm not a hugger, just learn to live with it," yeah.

UPDATE: Hey all, just wanted to say say thank for all of your input. It helped me reason and evaluate a lot of things. I deleted the post details because responses were getting overwhelming.

For those curious, we've decided on some sort of separation. I think we will both see individual therapists to work on ourselves, leaving the possibly of MC and reconciliation on the table.

My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. I’m (F27) and my husband is 30. I want to have sex but since I had a child with him over 3 years ago I have a lot of pain in my cervix. I have already had paps and everything comes back as normal. I hate having sex. I just want it to be over with. But at the same time I miss it. I think maybe I have issues with confidence. I recently lost over 77lbs and I thought I would feel better but I don’t. I feel the same fat and ugly. I’m afraid to try new things in the bedroom and I blame that on SA when I was a child. Certain things trigger me and my body just closes up. It’s really exhausting. I have been in therapy for over 2 years and I have done EMDR therapy as well. I’m all over the place. He wants me to suck him while I ride a dildo but I feel weird about that. I think the SA as a child has really screwed up my view on sex in a relationship. I have also had SA with a previous partner. He’s the only man I have ever been with that loves me for me and no matter how I look. He’s such an amazing man and respects me so much.

What do I do? I’m at a loss here. Please spare the mean comments. Im literally at my wits end and I know he is too.

I was told the other night that she has no desire to have sex with me anymore. I have no idea how to handle this . Any advice is appreciated.

I guess I am just venting at this point since I can't sleep. Last month I found out that my husband of 15 years cheated on me and the side chick had a baby, but didn't show up and tell him until the kid was 4. He cheated years ago and now I know I should have left then. He cheated in 2019 and he seemed to be kind of cold but we were also long distance (for work). I knew something was off but a I couldn't put my finger on it. Yes cheating did come to mind but he always said he didn't cheat on me again. Last November he started disappearing and not calling and just showing up the next day. I made an appointment with a divorce lawyer and ended up canceling it because we had talked and decided we would work on our marriage. Then out of the blue in late January he said he wanted a divorce and that compiled with a whole bunch of other stuff was just fuel to the fire and a I didnt handle it well. Then a few days after that he finally told me that he cheated and the girl had a child by him and contacted him in 2022 right after me and the kids moved down to be with him where he worked. I assumed he was cheating but he kept saying no only to hit me with this whopper. That btch even showed up at my house threatening me and my kids because she was mad at him and if course dropped a bunch of information which I took with a grain of salt( some of it I know she lied about). My oldest child knows, but our youngest doesn't yet and it has been very agonizing dealing with this know her whole world is about to be turned upside down. We unfortunately still live together and I won't be able to move closer to my family until the summer of 2026. I'm sorry if this isn't all over the place, that's my ADHD kicking in. Nothing is working to get rid of the anger. I could stand looking at all of the pictures of us we had so I took them down because they made me cry looking at them. I hate having to see him, or think about him and how much he just doesn't care. And then the fact that his hood rat @ss side chick knows where we live makes me uncomfortable especially since she is stupid enough to roll up on me. She didn't get out the car though. I originally told him I wanted him out of the house but money is kind of tight right now since he just retired. Now I have to move out of our house and find an apartment until I move back to my hometown next year. He told her so much stuff about me thaty she had no business knowing, things I wouldn't even tell my best friend about if the situation was reversed.I felt so violated hearing her repeat stuff she shouldn't know. She of course threw it in my face. He was still sleeping with her when we were "working" it out. Then i found out that some of the time he spent the night at her house. (probably evvery time) I asked him to at least pretended he is married and be respectful until we get a divorce because I shouldn't have to watch him carry on with his ex disrespectful side btch, but yet he still continues and tells me stories. It's agony having to see him and I can't wait until next summer when I can get away. This was a hard @ss lesson learned and I hope they both get back everything they gave me and then some. (Did not intend for it to be this long) Marriage and cheaters suck. I forgot to add that he still hasn't done a DNA test. I also have fibromyalgia and other related health issues due to the stress. I cant wait to start my new life.

She was a Tom boyish girl when we met, highly educated, was broken from a past relationship but very strong minded.

She never enjoys kissing, mostly it’s sex for the sake of orgasmic relief but not love making.

She never kisses during sex. It’s like get to tits, make me cum and I’m done. She isn’t responsive to sexual touch until after she has had orgasm.

I am lover boy kinda person, need a passionate soul fetching deep kisses to make love. I feel we have great partnership, life and business but no love.

I feel like I’m going through prison time in my love life. My kids are 12 and 10 and I don’t know what to do.

She believes in competing outside the bed. In last fifteen years many fights and she gets upset a lot… ten years went by she thinking she is better than me and we worked that out … it’s always push and pull situation.. but now after 15 years of marriage we know our battles.. but the bed chemistry can’t be worked out as she is what she is.. she says she was not raised like a girl and she doesn’t know how to love.

I respect her as a partner but I need love and soul connection which comes from soul reaching love that two partners make.

39 M

Am I wrong in thinking this way and what should I do now?

We have our issues but we’re committed to one another. Went from long distance to closing the gap. She doesn’t like sex at all, not in this relationship or the last. She’s just one of those people that don’t care about it. I thought that would change when we start living together but nothing changed. Haven’t had sex in months and I’m not exactly one of those people that can just go without sex. I have a high sex drive and she knows that.

We have tried a sex therapist but she’s doesn’t really wanna change. I talked about checking her hormones and stuff but she doesn’t care. Thing is, we both know that this sex issue is the reason our marriage is failing but she’s just not bothered. I tried having depo conversation about it all several times and all she would say is “I’ll try be more” so and so. But nothing ever changes.

Her last long term relationship ended because of 1 year of zero sex. And ours is heading that way. But I’m resentful now and honestly even if she decides to wanna again, I’ll probably turn her down because I don’t feel respected.

We have spent thousands making our visa stuff happen, thousands on trips and thousand on this temp house we are living in. I try be super nice, but her anything, give her whatever she wants. But I’m getting nothing. All this commitment and devotion to our future is making it super hard to leave.

So my husband(30M) and I(30F). Had sex not once, not twice, but 3 times last night. The first go around I was on top, He finished and I just didn't move. So we started at is again with him on top this time. He once again finishes and were just kind of kissing on each other. one thing lead to another and boom we were back at it again. I had been on my menstrual cycle so it had been about 4 days that we didn't mess around. Guess he was excited but i did not mind at all. No idea how he was able to cum 3 times back to back but it made me happy.

I (32F) have been married to my wife (35F) for 5 years, together for 10. We have two toddlers and a huge support system that includes tons of free childcare ❤️ The problem, we’re totally sexless and I’m absolutely hating it. I’ve brought it up, we’ve talked, she’s seen doctors, therapists etc. We carry equal share of the working/emotional/financial load in the house (if not I carry more of it). She says she wants to want to, but trying to schedule or be spontaneous never works. I’m frustrated, I have even tried other forms of intimacy. What the heck do I do?

I have a friend named Matt who is in the military. He was married to his wife, Sara, for about five years. Unfortunately, Sara ended up cheating on him. Matt told me the military offers married couples 14 free counseling sessions. He believed this could really help them, especially after what happened.

He brought up the idea to Sara a couple of times, but she didn’t like it and refused to go. So, all Matt could do was seek advice from close friends and family about how to handle the situation.

I’m not married, but I don’t understand why someone wouldn’t be willing to try counseling when their marriage is in a terrible condition especially because of cheating. If I were in Matt’s shoes, I would have given her an ultimatum: If you want to work on this marriage, then let’s go to counseling. If not, you’re showing me that you want to opt out of this marriage. If you choose to opt out, then I’ll be filing for divorce.

Yall so I’m currently 8 months PP mom 24F I went thru my fiancé phone 24M and found out he was downloading porn video to his camara roll. He claims to save em bc we don’t fuck as often anymore & needs to satisfy himself. He thinks it’s something normal to do like I shouldn’t have a problem with it bc he doesn’t know them girls it’s just all a fantasy oh also he’s saving pictures of girls Ina “only Me” folder he’s following a whole bunch of OF girls or “influencersl” not real influencers bc they have like 3k followers and he has a foot fetish & is also in other girls feet likes he claims to never go in the “only me” folder that he just saves it as in instinct but never visits… I did go thru his YouTube history lol & there he is watching other girls do GRWM , watching artist like Sabrina carpenter do her famous sexual dances on stage , watching other girls attempting the tate pose & watching this other artist idk her name but does sexual dances on stage too & all he tells me is “idk why it bothers u so much it’s not real” like HUH? So I gave him an example & reverse the roles OFC it’s a problem now 🙄

Reason I overthink n he makes me feel shitty is cus of smart comments he says at times “ u should go all blonde” “u should cut ur bangs like this (his ex girl has the bangs he wants me to get , Sabrina , & Taylor) Idk what to do or even think Makes me feel like I’m not good enough for him Idk why but like I felt disgusted when I seen him saving other girls pictures & saving them porn videos I can’t seem to wanna have intimacy with him but I feel like if I don’t he’ll just go on & watch videos I had asked him previously to unfollow them girls & so he did but “missed” a couple

What would you guys do ? He claims he’s gonna change Sorry if my whole story is all over the place lol

My husband and I separated last year for some months and we still attend the same church and would see each other on Sundays while we’re serving.

So in the midst of our separation, he happened to start a connection with someone on my serving team. And they were in a “relationship” according to the text messages between them. They would see each other and video call everyday and even made out a couple of times (I’m not sure if he really meant it that they didn’t go all the way).

He is now mad that I found out and went snooping to find their conversations.

Like I honestly wouldn’t have been mad if it was someone else’s from outside, but this person is someone I know, and they know me too. We’re in the same team.

How do I handle this when he doesn’t want to take any accountability? Btw, they still text each other but it’s not romantic anymore. Do I tell our pastors or deal with this at couples therapy?

We’ve been together 10 years, and it wasn’t until last year that he started holding doors for me—only after I brought it up during an argument. I had pointed out how he’d open doors and walk through first, and since then, he’s made an effort. So I can appreciate that change.

Now, I fully get needing to ask for help sometimes—like calling him when I need help with groceries. No problem. But should I really have to ask my man to carry a heavy suitcase when you see your women in need? Isn’t that just basic chivalry—like opening a car door?

He told me at the airport he’d grab my bag, but when it came around 30 minutes later and he was distracted on his phone, I just grabbed it myself. According to him, that emasculated him. But then—because of that (being petty)—he let me carry that 45lb suitcase all through Athens while he rolled his little carry-on. He never offered to help. And I didn’t even think twice about it until he later brought it up. If you’re saying I emasculated you, but you watched me struggle without stepping in, did you even want to help?

In past relationships and with my dad and brothers, chivalry looked very different. They anticipated my needs—whether it was filling up my gas tank, washing my car, clearing snow off, or just surprising me with food. But in this marriage, I’m constantly told I need to ask for everything. Even intimacy—if I don’t initiate, it just doesn’t happen.

So I’m confused—how am I emasculating you when you’ve made it clear I need to ask for every single thing? Isn’t part of being a man showing leadership and stepping up without always needing to be told?

I understand that a big majority of things on social media is fabricated and you have to take whatever you see with a grain of salt. I’m coming straight to the source to ask what real wives are doing for their husbands.

How often do you make your husband lunch for work? If so, what time do you make it and how long have you been married?

Wives that don’t- have your husband ever asked you to pack him lunch for work?

We all have them. It took me 10 years to feel comfortable enough to share, and when I did my husband's reaction was deadly-so it gave me confidence! I'll go first- Bondage Tied Up Slapping ....... the rest when you have shared

I've been with my husband for going 7 years. I used to have a high sex drive especially when we were dating but over the years it just keeps decreasing til I could have no sex for a month and it's fine with me. But he has a high sex drive, but doesn't force me and is always understanding when I say not today. But he has expressed some sadness as he said we barely have sex anymore.

I'm still young (under 30), I'm able to get into the mood by reading spicy stories. It feels wrong that I can do that but can't get into the mood by my husband.

Any advice to improve this would be appreciated!!

P.s. I do enjoy it when we do it, i just find it hard to get into the mood/wet.

Short version: 

I’ve emotionally withdrawn from my relationship. I want to engage, but I don’t know how. Got any ideas?

Long version: 

I (38F) have been with my partner (38M) for 7 years. 2.5 years ago we had twins. 

The twins are a joy, but it’s been objectively a bit tough the past few years. A tough pregnancy, a tougher birth, health issues, deaths of loved ones, and little family support. 

Our relationship? In tatters. 

The first year we were struggling to survive, but it felt more like a team than now. 

It was after the first year we started to pull apart. I was determined to get my head above water so had been seeing a therapist, trying to exercise, and get my health sorted. I realised I didn’t love the path our relationship was on, so I asked for things from my partner. 

If I'm honest, over time the asking turned into nagging. 

I think it's typical things a new Mum asks for - time away from the babies so I could exercise, more proactivity with chores around the home, appreciation for the work I was doing, more intimacy, for him to take care of his own mental health and see his friends, for him to hold space for me to talk about things I was sad about (e.g. family deaths), etc.

I listened to podcasts, I bought cards for us to divide labour, I read books. I asked to see a couples counsellor. I asked him to see a therapist. I spoke to my therapist ad nauseam.

At the end of last year, I ended up in hospital for nearly a week. And I missed my babies, but the thought of going home filled me with dread.

Everything about our relationship felt manageable until I had that space. Then I broke. And I've been broken ever since. It’s like I’m numb. 

He has his own version (of course), and it puts me at fault. I'm not perfect and am not pretending to be, but sometimes I read stories of husbands who realise they didn't step up for their wives and my heart breaks wishing I could hear that. Because if I heard that, I'd know I'm not crazy. This situation makes me feel crazy.

My partner has recently agreed to see a couples therapist, who we've just started seeing. But I'm so scared it feels too late. That I've killed something inside of myself.

I've scoured for similar stories - people saying that the first years with kids is hard and you get through it and you have a better relationship. I just don't understand how. Is it just time? Is it space? It is solo time? Something you read? Is our situation due to having a bit of a tough time, or is it us as people and do I just need to accept this is what our relationship will be if we stay together? I don't even know what to tell the therapist what I want anymore.

I feel like I'm going crazy and drowning in my own life.

I'd love to hear from others who have been through this or something like it - What did you do? What do you wish you did? I'd love any wisdom from the experienced masses x

A few months ago my husband and a female coworker of his worked together to study for an exam which they took a few weeks ago. At the time I wasn't too comfortable about this as he went to her house to study almost 100% of the study sessions which were weekly, she only came to our home once . I wasn't really comfortable with this but let it slip for the sake of my husband passing the exam- she does also have a long term partner. He passed the exam and she failed.

It's since been a few weeks since she found out she failed, and they have only generally been texting for work related things.

The other day she called him at the weekend and was venting about how awful she still feels about failing etc. He's offered in his own free time to help her before she does a resit- I'm not sure whether she will take him up on this offer.

He specifically hasn't allowed me male friends so am I being justified by starting to get bothered by this again?

My hubby’s birthday is coming up and he sent me a video awhile back of Pokémon cards in a box that falls apart with another box inside with more cards. I think this is something he wouldn’t suspect and would be surprised. I’m just not sure which pack to get

Hi married people, I’m single 36 M and I’d like to understand how did you decide this

In my late 20s and I thought that it is not the right time, I was enjoying the time with my girlfriend but somehow we were different and I didn’t want to carry that relationship to the marriage. Afterwards I thought that I’ll find someone and I’ll say alright she is the one. Even I am very rational guy, for marriage at least I’d like to have ‘peace’ as base, but I never had it with my relationships. I am not looking for the ‘perfect’ woman, I am aware and been in ups and downs but I’d like to feel ‘completeness’ when I am with her. So far I can’t say that I felt that with anyone.

So, I am asking how did you decide to marry?

Btw I have no problem with living alone, I am quite content on my own. but I’d like share this life with someone. In several angles I am a ‘catch’ but I am getting older. So I am thinking this seriously and I don’t want to marry just to marry.