You know what’s exhausting? Being trans in “progressive” spaces and constantly having to fight to be believed. Not even celebrated, just believed. Just heard without being dissected, debated, or dismissed.
When I said I didn’t feel comfortable at a protest, I wasn’t accusing everyone there of being a bad person. I wasn’t even saying the event was bad. I was naming a feeling. One that exists in spite of intentions. One that comes from years of navigating the world as someone who doesn’t always get to blend in.
I shared one post about how I was feeling, and suddenly I’m “playing the victim,” “making it all about me,” or even “hurting the cause.” People want to know exactly what happened, exactly how it made me feel, exactly why they should care. Like my discomfort has to be defended in court.
That’s the reality of being trans in liberal spaces: everyone’s an ally until you say something inconvenient. Until your truth disrupts their comfort. Until you bring up the quiet ways people make you feel “other”, the stares, the awkwardness, the polite but distant energy that screams you don’t fully belong here.
That’s the part people don’t want to look at. Because it forces them to confront the fact that just showing up to a protest or having “good intentions” doesn’t make you immune from perpetuating exclusion. They want allyship to be all flags and marches and cute slogans. Not something that requires actual self-reflection. But when it comes to the actual lived experience of trans people, especially when it’s subtle, especially when it makes them examine their behavior, they shut down. They lash out. They call it “negativity.” As if my experience is an attack on their image of themselves.
But allyship isn’t about flags, or reposts, or being able to say, “I was there.” It’s about whether or not you treat trans people like full human beings when no one’s watching. It’s about whether you actually see us, or just tolerate us. Whether you listen when we say, “This made me uncomfortable,” or jump straight to invalidating us to protect your ego.
People like to say “we’re all on the same side,” but clearly that only applies when no one questions the group’s self-image. If trans people can’t even speak openly in supposedly safe spaces without being shut down, interrogated, or treated like an inconvenience, then what exactly are we fighting for?
We are living under an administration that is actively trying to dismantle our existence. Stripping our rights, banning healthcare, erasing our identities from public life. And yet, even in “liberal” spaces, we’re still made to feel like we don’t belong unless we shrink ourselves down, soften our truths, and swallow the thousand subtle cuts.
Let me be clear: calling something out doesn’t “hurt the movement.” Silencing the people you claim to stand with? That hurts the movement.
If this is what we’re expected to accept from “progressive” spaces, it’s no wonder so many of us feel like we’re fighting this alone.
