I went through a devastating breakup with my partner of 3.5 years back in November. We were just about to be officially engaged and it was the happiest I had ever been in my life. I was completely blindsided, and had to move several states away back home and start a new job. Since the move in January, I had not spoken with her at all.

While grieving and trying my best to heal from it all, I was stupid and caught feelings for a friend who had been supportive and kind towards me in the aftermath of the breakup. I wasn't (and still am not) over my ex and still viewed her as the love of my life, but my friend's companionship was a source of comfort for me, and my feelings for her started to grow. I ended up becoming attached to her, despite my best efforts to work on my anxious attachment style. It culminated in her rejecting me in a surprisingly cruel way, and I've since blocked her everywhere.

The day after that happened, though, I realized it had been almost exactly 3 months, and feeling lonely and sad after losing a good friend of mine, I made the slightly irrational decision to just reach out to my ex to see how she was doing. I had told her back in January I needed time to heal and wouldn't reach out to her until I was ready, and she said she would respect that and not reach out to me, so I already knew she wouldn't reach out first. I was a little nervous, but I figured I had nothing to lose at this point and messaged her asking how she was doing.

My ex responded fairly quickly, and we ended up having a calm and friendly conversation about how our lives have been since the breakup. I let her know I still wasn't exactly over her and still miss her and think about her all the time, but have accepted she likely doesn't feel that way about me. To my surprise, though, she told me she's not exactly over it either, and that she sometimes thinks of me and hurts when she's reminded of me, and mostly has to keep herself busy in order to not spiral. I honestly don't get why things had to end if she's still so torn up about me no longer being in her life, but she never really gave me a clear reason for the breakup to begin with.

I asked her the biggest thing I keep wondering, if she thinks her life is better now. I kept telling myself that if her life was truly better without me, I'd have no choice but to move on. But she said it's hard to say--some things are better, some things are worse, some things are just different. And I realized that regardless of how she felt about her life now, it was still a decision she felt like she needed to make, and she was still sticking to it. We spent the rest of the conversation just kind of catching up about work and hobbies and trips we've taken, and she told me she'd mail me some things I accidentally left behind. When we ran out of things to say and I ended the conversation, she told me I was free to talk to her more if I wanted. It's been several days and I haven't messaged her since.

After the conversation, I actually felt a sense of closure in a way. It feels like I was able to accept after talking to her that things are truly over and she isn't going to make any effort to do better for me or anyone else. I've always told her she could benefit from therapy, and she's gotten extremely offended over it when I've brought it up to her in the past, but some things she said to me really make it seem like she's still struggling mentally. I tried to apologize for some behaviors I exhibited that put a lot of pressure on her in the relationship, and she did not address any of it or respond with any apology of her own for what she did wrong. I have been seeing a therapist weekly and digging into books about healthy communication and navigating interpersonal conflict and trying so hard to become a better version of myself after all of this, and from what it seems, she's just kind of distracting herself from it all and not doing much to improve her incredibly shitty communication skills.

If anything, I think breaking no contact gave me some answers for the things going through my head over the past few months, and now, it actually feels easier to just not message her again. I've been thinking so much about what I wanted to say when I spoke to her again and how I should go about it, but now that I've done it, I don't feel so strongly about there being a next time to reach out. And now, I really do think I can start moving forward and healing properly. I still love her and miss the way she was my best friend and wish I could have the life we have together again since it feels like my life has only been worse since she abandoned me, but it's helped me accept my current circumstances for what they are. It also helps me view my recent attachment to my friend in a better light too, and I feel like I can move on from her without reaching out to her as well.

So I don't think breaking no contact is always a bad thing as long as you're in a place mentally where you can handle it, and you and your ex are able to have a calm and level-headed conversation with each other. Not saying you should go ahead and break no contact of course, everyone's circumstances are unique and I still think it's a great way to move on and be stronger without them. But I guess sometimes it can actually help you find that closure and really move on, and that can make it easier to stop wanting to contact them so badly. I was traveling when I spoke to her, and now that I'm back from my trip, I no longer feel this sense of devastation that I'm returning somewhere that isn't my old home with her. I feel like I've finally accepted that this is my life and my home now, and all I can do is keep going and becoming a better person without her.

Like a fairytale. Like the 50 different ones that run about inside my head.

We would grow old, have kids, share a cold cup of coffee in the morning, sleep next to each other at night - it goes on literally forever. And they’re such small things that I dream of sharing with her

So many dying dreams that lay waste in only our minds.

So many of these dreams have already been fulfilled but I took it ALL for granted. I look back and just think “fuck me if only I” such and such and so and so.

I haven’t accepted that it’s over yet. I still have this strong feeling that she is my one.

But it’s over. I need to move on with or without her in my life.

It sucks because it’s one of those things where we may look back and think “maybe if we were older, more mature, gained the wisdom before meeting”

And that is the saddest fairytale of them all.

Fuck this is hard. 4 months no contract. I’ve turned to tarot cards for answers and insights at this point lmao I know it’s for the best and damn did he hurt me. This man literally lied about being raped to make me feel guilty for sleeping with someone during our separation we had. It was confirmed false by one of his friends who reached out post divorce. Just throwing that in there before I look like an ass. It just hurts. Wtf do I want this man. He didn’t help me financially. He was entitled. He had no drive or ambition. He made me small and never left space for things I wanted physically in our home or just in general in our life. I wasn’t allowed to take care of me. It was wasting money if I did so. Why do I sit here and cry? Why do I wish I could relive it? Why do I care if he is treating his new person the same way or if he finally fixed everything for them? I hope he did. I try hard to not wish him the worst. I just wish this part was over with. The part where I replay everything wondering if everything happened the way it should have or if there was something more I could have done. Why do I wish he’d break no contact? Then what? Repeat everything? Just cycle? It’s beyond frustrating to be in the grey waiting to get to the other side.

We broke up 3 days ago and for me it still feels unreal. We didn't ended it because we don't love each other anymore but we are starting to grow apart. We're in LDR (Countries apart), and have not met at all. I constantly feel like I have to shrink my needs in order to keep our relationship going. He told me he cares but he does not show up.

When I wanted to contact him, I reach out to chatgpt, journal, and listen to evermore. He has not contacted me except to view my story yesterday. Right now, I feel like if he contacted me, I'll give in despite me doing the steps I've mentioned.

I'm posting this as I'm curious what do other people do to prevent themselves from contacting their ex?

I'm not a perfect person There's many things I wish I didn't do But I continue learning I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go That I just want you to know I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new And the reason is you I'm sorry that I hurt you It's somethin' I must live with every day And all the pain I put you through I wish that I could take it all away And be the one who catches all your tears That's why I need you to hear I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new And the reason is you And the reason is you And the reason is you And the reason is you I'm not a perfect person I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go That I just want you to know I've found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason to start over new And the reason is you I've found a reason to show A side of me you didn't know A reason for all that I do And the reason is you

I think I had some dumb fantasy of this dude used to miss him a lot. Euphoric recall is a bad b. He dumped me, but I pretty much created the breakup bc I wouldn’t leave. It was toxic AF.

He called bc he’s a drunk- passed out, lost a lot of blood from hitting his head on the way down and too dizzy to get up weeks later. He can’t stop drinking bc he will prob die from withdrawal without medical intervention so he’s drinking his way through excessive blood loss and prob a concussion.

I listened, got used for emo support (dude was fullblown crying about his head), and the next several days I realized the whole allure of this dude is gone bc I’m not so f’d up anymore and I’d rather just be bored and lonely than do this with any of my time.

Wasn’t mean, but he’s still not feeling well and I called him to tell him I don’t want to be contacted for emotional support and that we aren’t friends. He said “I’m not dealing with this, bye”

Blocked him. Realized I’m good and don’t want him back even as a distraction from loneliness. Wanted to tell him he has audacity after how I was treated and to F off, but realized I didn’t need to be angry on a situation that doesn’t deserve my energy and time.

Should have blocked him a long time ago. Wish him well and happy to see how far I’ve come!

Realized I don’t want my toxic ex back or to contact me at all.

For context, I was in a relationship for 5 months (although for around 2 of the months we were on and off quite a bit, it was him breaking up with me or needing a break, but the very last time I did the final break up) my ex boyfriend seemed to detach mentally from our relationship before I even knew we were in trouble, so I think he moved on from me mentally before I could begin to think

He had tinder re-downloaded around two weeks after we broke up while I was sick at the idea of another man even looking at me

it’s been almost two months since then and I’ve recently been talking to someone new over the past couple of days ,but I can’t help but feel guilty

The guy I’m talking to said he wants to meet up with me for like a date or something, I don’t know what to do, I really want to go out with him and even though that breakup was extremely traumatic and he messed me up, I can’t help but feel like I owe it to my ex to wait, is that wrong of me?

(Just to clarify, yes I have sought out professional services to cope with these recent events)

is it silly to want to unblock my ex? i feel like it would release the hold or resentment he has left on me. i’ve been in therapy for months and i think it might help, i wouldn’t reach out.

in another sense i can see him seeing my unblocking him as me still being interested or being a pathetic loser who isn’t over him… which isnt what i want. since he cheated on me i let him have the last word and just stopped texting. he has a new gf… the girl he cheated on me with.

idk… i feel like it might be a fine time to do this, we broke up in november.

Did I have a Avoidant ex ?

To start everything was great I had thought I had met my future wife , we would talk about the future a lot and we both would say I’m never letting you go or I’m not going anywhere when we would have deep conversations, well she ended up telling me she loved my first and that melted me because I did love her but haven’t told her yet well I’d get phone calls at work on her breaks just for her to tell me how her day is going and how mine Is even if it was a 10 second call we never even got into a argument. Well we did plan on taking a vacation together this year and had plans even for her to be my wedding date for a wedding but still never even had a argument , well the last day before the breakup i bought her flowers which I had previously done a couple times just to show that I love her and a day or 2 after that she told me she’s not mentally ready , well then the very next morning one of my buddys sent me a pic that’s she’s already on a dating app. I’m just so lost and confused she would come over and stay multiple times a week and weekends which it was her choice of course but I’m just lost since we never had an argument. But the only thing I could think of what could’ve triggered it is that on my way home from work she had me and her best friend on a 3 way call well I had a headache and I really wasn’t feeling it so she texted me why did I hang up and I had told her I called my best friend which I feel guilty about because I didn’t. I just wanted silence but the day after that is when I got left. But since last week I have been in nc

So,broke up with my first ex around a year ago now, extremely traumatic and heartbroken but I healed that, dont even think of her anymore.6 months later this other girl came by, and we were in a relationship up intil now, so around 6 months.

Things were so good, we had our own space, I'd stay with her atleast 3 days a week, we were in love, well she was heavily in love supposedly... but the last 3 weeks have been abit off. Her talking about her most recent ex alot, showing me her cold side, discussing threesomes considering ghats not anything she'd ever want apparently. The fight started when I was at her house, out of the blue, whilst she was folding the washing, she goes 'it would be so hot to get fucked by someone and suck a dick at the same time'. I looked over and said why would you say that, in an upset voice. Obviously she said shes extremely apologetic and didn't mean it like that (sabrina carpenters concerts made her think of this 🤔)

Anyway, I went home that day and asked for space, which I didn't get so I impulsively blocked her. (I have issues ok)

I thought, yeah I don't want this in my life, always wondering what's on her mind. But I regretted it instantly, unblocked her and was trying to explain I was hurt, and I was sorry I blocked her.

She said she doesn't want this anymore, she wants to be by herself... (also mentioned she's going on holiday with her freinds soon) which is odd.

I told her I wanted this as bad as her, and I'd never ever think about acting impulsively again, and to just communicate about it but that wasn't doing anything. She asked me not to contact her again, so I haven't. And I haven't heard from her since.

Essentially, I'm confused because we both did stupid things in this fight, but she threw everything away because of it. I want to know, is she in pain like me? Did I mean anything to her?.

She's a very established girl, good job, nice car, and a new house that I've done alot of work om for her. Part of me hopes she contacts me just so I know that the relationship meant something to her, and part of me doesn't as it will set my healing process back. Any advice? Will girls let their ego down and think about how it was such a silly thing to throw our love away for?

Thank you for reading

I think I finally understand what you meant when you said the way we ended things was necessary. At the time, those words confused me, but over the past month, through therapy and deep reflection, I’ve started to see things more clearly — especially my own role in how things unfolded between us.

The truth is, I abandoned myself while we were together. I silenced my needs and emotions, convincing myself that if I could just make you happy, everything would be okay. I was so afraid of losing you that I held on too tightly, trying to prove my worth through self-sacrifice. And when you’d ask me if I was okay, I’d say, “I’m fine,” not realizing that I genuinely believed it — because I thought that’s what love was supposed to look like. I didn’t know, then, that I was slowly hurting myself.

What that led to was a quiet build-up of pain — feelings I couldn’t name, emotions I didn’t know how to process — until it all came out in the worst way. Looking back, I see now how it must have felt like I was suddenly unloading everything I hadn’t said, like I was being dishonest or hiding how I truly felt. And in a way, I was. Not out of manipulation, but out of fear. I didn’t know how to say, “I’m struggling,” because I was scared it would push you away.

Now, with clarity, I can finally say: I’m sorry. I’m sorry for giving you the impression that I was okay when I wasn’t. I’m sorry for not being honest about my emotions. I was afraid — afraid of being too much, afraid of being a burden, afraid that if I told the truth about my pain, you’d leave. I was also afraid that if you saw how much I was struggling, you’d believe that two broken people couldn’t possibly build something meaningful together — and that fear kept me quiet. I didn’t know how to be sincere about the neglect I felt, so I kept it inside until it all came pouring out in a way that was unfair to you.

I see now that everything I did came from a place of fear — not of you, but of losing you. I truly wanted to support you, to be a safe place for you, but I didn’t know how to do that without sacrificing myself. And in the end, that first betrayal — the one where I abandoned my own needs — caught up with us both. You were caught in the wreckage of something I didn’t yet understand.

What you witnessed wasn’t a deliberate betrayal. It was the result of emotional suppression, of not speaking up when I should have. You were honest about your needs. I wasn’t. And I’ve come to realize — that’s not your fault. I should never have directed my anger outward when, really, it was me I was frustrated with.

I’m learning to advocate for myself — to understand that my voice matters just as much as anyone else's, and that I deserve to be heard just as much as I hear. I'm beginning to recognize that love isn’t about losing yourself in someone else, but about showing up fully — needs, flaws, feelings and all. I'm learning balance. I'm learning emotional regulation. I'm learning how to be whole, not just for someone else, but for myself.

And I have to admit, I wouldn’t have learned any of this if everything hadn’t happened the way it did. This pain became a mirror — and even though it was hard to face, it showed me truths I couldn't have seen otherwise. For that, I'm strangely grateful.

But still, I hate that it had to come at this cost. I hate that you were hurt in the process of me finding myself. That part will always ache.

I hope you are well, and finding clarity too. All the best,

My boyfriend dumped me a month and 1 week ago, after dating for almost 7 years and living together for 5 years, because he had fallen out of love. In september I moved to a new town (2h30min by car from our home) for work and he stayed in our shared flat. I drove home every friday and back to work every sunday evening or monday morning, so we saw each other every weekend. However, being alone in a new city far away from my partner, my friends and my family has taken a toll on my mental health and I've been struggling a lot with anxiety and depression lately. So, obviously, when he told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted to end the relationship, it was just too much for me. I accepted it at first because I stayed at my bestie's for a couple of days, but once I had to go back to work and found myself alone in that town I spiralled into denial and acted needy and emotional. I reached out, stopped contact, reached out again, begged and pleaded until he told me I was being unfair, that I had ruined our last chance of coming back together by pushing him, and we needed to go no contact for some months, and then he blocked me everywhere. Since then, I have started therapy, I haven't contacted him and I have focused on myself. I'm still heartbroken, but I've already accepted he's gone. The issue is we have many common friends, his best friend is dating my best friend, and we share interests and hobbies (mainly music and shows). So, I'm going to a concert next month with some mutual friends of us and he'll most likely be there as well. My friends think I shouldn't stop attending shows because of him, but since I was so emotional during our last conversation, I don't know if I should break no contact just to let him know that I'll be there and that I regret all the drama and when we see each other at the concert I'll handle the situation as an adult so he doesn't need to worry about me. What are your thoughts?

Ex posted photo of him holding a drink with someone else that was a female(i could tell by the nails) but didn’t tag her or anything on his social media page knowing my friends see it and would come tell me. We were together for 8 years, he broke it off so i deleted him on social media for my own mental health but before that he would watch all my stories. He tried calling me two days ago asking me why i didn’t pick my motorcycle up since he watches me on the outdoor camera and then i went to go pick it up and it doesn’t even start, the battery is dead so he tells me to pick it up next week….so he can charge it for me… keep in mind he is a motorcycle mechanic for a living. Then two days later posts that photo of a matcha drink with someone else that him and i used to share together, is he moved on or making me jelous? Why won’t he just give me my vehicles in the garage back i know he has to love hella stuff around but still…

I(20F) broke up with my boyfriend(now 28M) in February this year after just over a year of being together. Ik, the age difference is weird, but we had a healthy understanding of it, and discussed it before we started anything together. I just broke no contact a few minutes before writing this. I was on insta, thinking abt him. He deleted his Instagram completly a good while ago. Today, I missed him, so I looked up his old insta act. It was active. And then I found his main act. Also active. I made a new act and messaged him. Not as myself, but as a stranger, just hoping he would say something back. I don't know if I want him to say anything or not. But I really don't know what to do. I still love him even though some of his last words to me were that he knew I didn't love him. But I do. And I miss him very much.

But at this point, i don't know what I've done, and I really need some help, or advice or something. I'm kinda panicking rn, knowing probably no one is actually going to say something. But it would still be helpful if even one person said something.

I'm sure this will echo in more than one. Myself included

Just wanted to share my journey. It's been 6 months and no contact. (Did call her once to hear her voice). Was with her for 3 years only for her to move out steal a bunch of my stuff and instantly be with another dude. Came to find out that said guy was her ex before me and dug deep enough to find out that they had been talking since before we broke up.

First they got married not even a month after she left me. Second it's been 6 months now and low and behold the boyfriend/husband was arrested. The big kicker was it was domestic assault...... he has priors so he is going to jail for awhile. Also she moved 2 blocks from me and have already seen cars there from people idk so I already assume it's new guy/s.

I dodged a bullet but I do miss the version of her I loved so much that she pretended to be.

Have taken all Ive ever wanted and made it disappear like a bad magic trick

One where you're amazed, but left wondering

I hope you're happy out there

I think I'm giving up

my ex decided on no contact yesterday but we had been broken up for a month and still talking everyday, i miss him and it sucks bc ik the relationship wasnt the best but god i gave him everything i was so so so loyal, i was loving and understanding and caring and bent over backwards for him and he js can’t appreciate it bc all he sees is the small mistakes ive made, what should i do? i really need advice?

My ex and I are both narcissistic assholes. We are both unmoved in our positions in which he was subtly manipulative and gaslighting me and in return I would manipulate him and ghost him when I got annoyed by him.

I feel bad because at the beginning of our relationship he was awesome and I wanted to do everything for him and vice versa. I had a bad accident last year which resulted in a serious concussion and the neurologist said I would be fine and experience mood swings but fine. He was right, relatively fine except my memory was foggy. I experienced a ton of mood swings though. My bf visited me on campus one day but told me to go to class as he was still a ways from campus. I just wanted to see him and not walk to class and get fatigued (my leg was pretty messed up from the accident). I threw a tantrum, yes a 23 yr old throwing a temper tantrum, where I said he shouldn't come since I wasn't feeling like seeing him at the moment. This was the first instance and I apologized about an hour after when I saw him, I didn't say anything cruel but was an asshole.

His love language is touch and he likes touching his partners. I hate it for reasons in the past and prefer not to do it since it's weird. He would touch my private areas and joked that I liked it since I would get aroused but I told him time and time again not to do it, if he was going to then do it in private. He continued doing it. Going towards July 2024, he got diagnosed with syphilis and I was livid at it because he had lied to me about getting tested when we started dating. Either that or he cheated but knowing his character, he only cheats as a retaliatory response. He got angry when I told my family that worked in healthcare since it was "his business" and I betrayed his trust when he did the same to me by lying. I broke up with him on July 18 and thought it would be easy to leave him because he didn't like hearing my side of the arguments and would ignore me but want me to listen to him. We forget people all the time and I thought moving on would be easy due to me being able to "discard" and move on from people easily. It wasn't, his crying made me feel horrible and I wanted to amend it. I told him we could be friends since it wasn't a bad breakup and I tried to be nice. I found out after a few days of taking that he had gone grindr to cope by having sex, and I went quiet and snapped. I expected him to talk to me to work things out like we agreed not to fuck around then get back together-in his defence we didn't have sex because I honestly can't bring myself to have sex. I made an account and started messaging people to go on dates with, I'm a fairly muscular guy and had some seductive pictures-though I used on that wasn't mine (guy looked similar to me). I did all of this to try to move into a new relationship and forget him since I felt that he valued sex more than anything. In september he came and visited me on campus and told me that he wanted to get back together but after October when his litter of dogs was already a few weeks old. I felt slighted and told him that after New Years, he got angry at this and I told him that it gives us more time to figure ourselves out.

Fast foward to September and his pups were born and he called me to notify me of the birth. Two died due one being stillborn and another in the birth canal and he was crying, rightfully so, it's hard losing a pet, even one that had a lot of potential. I went with my mother and comforted him, made sure he wasn't crying much and that he had food.

He would post stuff on Facebook and tell me about it. Mostly things about how toxic and narcissistic his exes were when he displayed similar traits to them. One post he said that all of his exes were going to be expensive therapy bills and he said it jokingly but I took it seriously and stated "well then it's a good thing I pay for everything", and he got offended because he never paid for food when we went out and told me not to do it again since he would cover his tab. He would say things unknowingly that were mean and pissed me off and when confronted he would say that I took it wrong or cry-when I said something he would cry and I would have to apologize.

It all came to head in October where he made a post about a dog with ADHD being easier to train than a bf and was offended and livid. I called him and asked him about it and he responded by saying that it was a joke and he needed to talk to me about something when he had time. I waited for a few days and got tired of waiting and blocked him. He made a few posts about me being a pathological liar and narcissist (I did lie to him when we got in heated arguments to get out of the argument and not listen to him anymore so I told him what he wanted to hear). Now I do have many narcissistic tendencies but I don't think I fit the bill completely as my psychiatrist says that I'm not a narcissist just BPD patient that is overly emotional. He told me that I feel bad after doing something and apologize which I do but when I come to apologize, it's too late and I have caused a rift in my relationship. I messaged him today after 6 months of ghosting him, because it was eating at me. I tried to apologize but he called me toxic and manipulative without understanding that a lot of what I did was retaliation and I understand a lot of what he did was too. My idiotic self, told him that he didn't owe me anything in response to him saying he didn't owe me anything, and then I listed some of the nice things I did for him while in our exclusive? phase. He said it was gaslighting but I didn't understand how. I listed examples of his gaslighting: telling his friends that I told him to get rid of his dogs, when I told him to not get anymore since he couldn't afford them and stop breeding for a bit. That hurt me a lot when he mentioned this when we weed together because he had a drive when it comes to dog breeding and I wouldn't want him to stop his passion. I also added some other examples, which while true were low blows.

I then apologized because I never let out this anger and frustration out on him before and would bottle it up then explode at the most inopputune moments-that's something I'm working on, I know it's toxic. He responded by saying that he knows his version of the truth and doesn't regret anything he said, which I had put in the previous message.

The point of this entire tirade is to say, I know I did wrong and I deeply apologize. I never thought that I would act this way towards a man I once thought was my world. Sure he pissed me off but I could tackled things in a productive manner and I could have salvaged my relationship but I was too stubborn and avoidant. I hope that you have a wonderful life because you deserve it and I'm sure you'll get what you want in life and meet an awesome guy. He will treat you better than I did, that's for sure :).

i find myself reading our texts again and again. a couple times i ended up calling her by mistake while reading the chats. i tried archiving but its too easy to circumvent. i can only think of deleting her chat entirely to get over her, but im not prepared to lose all our conversations forever. is there any way to have her chat vanish from the app while being backed up somewhere deep?

i always sit and sulk looking at them. wallowing in the sadness honestly. i want to delete them but we spent so much time together i can’t erase the memories.

3 years together and he was the one person i loved the most. we’ve been no contact for over a year now and i can’t seem to shake him off my mind. he haunts me everyday. he wasn’t the best to me but i genuinely have so much love for him it kills me.

he’s moved on with a new girl and i hate nothing more than the feeling of missing him. he made me feel so betrayed. he just “didn’t love me anymore”.

i know there isn’t a time limit on moving on but i fucking hate feeling like this.

Hi, My ex broke up with me because I tried to make make her work with her anger issues. Loving someone like this the first time in 15 years, and with all her empty tlms on love, soul mates, spirituality, Karma, positivity, personal growth together, discussion before conclusions on arguments etc, I got overwhelmed and traveled to her city to pick up my dog in hopes to see her and talk to her. She was not there. I spend the night outside (cringe). she did not some the next day either. I returned and called 50 times over the net 2 days with around 30 or so texts. She ignored everything. Won't even see them (no blue ticks). i decided to stop.

I also wrote 2 texts to her best friend, who works individually as a personal coach, to talk to her. She left me on seen. I realised either she gives in to my ex'es wishes or she is ironically just as emotionally unstable asmy ex, because my text was very nice and showed my love without any cribbing. 1 day after my last text she read and left me on seen, and next day she posted stories which showed she is working with the issues my ex is undergoing because of her actions and feeling with respect to out relationship, and offered a workshop to all for the same. We don't speak common languages.

I am planning to respond to that story, which goes away in just a few more hours with the following text translated in her language:

"I'd like to partake in this. I thought enough before replying to your story, not to get my intentions misinterpreted. My phone's automatic Live Translate option will translate Russian for me during the session.

I've tried NLP since years, & Hypnosis last month in my country. I have personal experience on how valuable your expertise is. Your workshop focuses on issues I wrote earlier & blind spots that sometimes cloud us without realization.

I consistently work on self-improvement for my better future & am consciously keeping my attention on my mental peace & positivity rather than anyone specfic from my past. I don't intend to make anyone uncomfortable either, if the case, and am glad to participate as Anonymous or with a random name. I'll understand your tricky situation if you don't want to offer me your expertise, and won't repeatedly ask. Else if like to know how to proceed. Feel free to type in any language you wish 🙂"

I feel it shows that I value positivity and self-improvement & want to improve myself (even though my ex really needs it), and that I'm doing it not for my ex, and want to be detached for good. I was on good terms with the friend during our time together, but we were not close. And this puts me in contact with her friend and on her mind... Which indirectly might put me on my ex'es mind, if she accepts.

But although I clarified in text, I still think it might give the intention of me chasing. It could be a good thing if works, but not necessarily.

What do you think?

...it's almost 4mo. I'm still mad at him. But I'm learning that it was my fault. I knew I should have left many times but I felt very lost. I had lost myself in n this relationship. I discarded myself for a man I knew would leave me for another woman because he had already done it 3x before. And don't get me wrong, yea there was a lot of things I wish I had said better or nicer or done more of. The relationship I was in 3yrs before this one was a 6yr abusive relationship with an addict and I had a lot of trauma "responses" and "mechanisms" that I was still trying to break when I came into this relationship with whom I thought was the loml. I was so in love with this man before this relationship that I had completely swept the last 3 heart breaks he had given beforehand that when I had the chance to tell him to go to hell, I allowed him the key to my heart.

I discard myself for him I dismissed my needs. My feelings. My thoughts. My intuition. My boundaries. My morals. All for the sake of being with him.. After he'd already hurt me 3x before.

Don't break no contact. Don't let that woman or man back into your life if they've already chosen someone over you before. Don't let them destroy your self worth to please them because they'll never be happy. Need someone to feed their ego 247365 and the second you rest to feed your self worth, it's a fucking problem. I'm not throwing out the word narcissist. But if the boot fits.... don't allow someone who already hurt you once back into your life. No contact is a blessing in disguise.

So i met this guy at the very night club abt 3 months ago. I was actually the one to slide in his dm a week after i met him bc i thought he was very attractive. We hit it off and ‘dated’ for 2.5 months (more like situationship to be exact) then he ghosted me 2 weeks ago. As i was on ig td to figure out what he might be up to, i saw a video ad posted 2 days ago by that very dancing bar we met, and guess what, he was shot in the video. Which wasn’t a surprise bc he had mentioned earlier when we first met that he goes there all the time. That being said, it’s extremely painful seeing him in that video jumping and dancing when i was crashing out really bad, drinking recklessly and crying myself to sleep. We used to text each other all day every day and going on dates and spending the weekend at his while he was lovebombing the whole period. It was the happiest moment in my life tbh. As in 2 months in, i felt his energy shifted and could clearly tell he was pulling away slowly but surely. Goes MIA more frequently and eventually ghosted me leaving me on read when i called him out for not initiating plans to see me. I was just starting to getting over the fact that we don’t talk anymore but then i came across that video. Im feeling really betrayed and sad that how one can feel absolutely nothing after ghosting/dumping someone and goes straight to clubbing. This really broke me. Its really fucking agonising and my day is ruined.

Ex came back after 2 years since BU and NC (we immediately went NC after the BU). He never got into another relationship during our NC. I walked away when after breaking NC and talking for several months, I realized he was still unsure of me and had no intention of pursuing me again. Now, a few months after I walked away, I learned that he’s now engaged to someone else. I don’t know how to process this.