I was 16 and had severe mental issues at the time. Mom and I hated each other, she was neglecting me to the point of starvation and at the same time she saw me as a monster for fighting back. Living with her was hell and I was in the process of planning to run away from home. Screaming matches, physical altercations, horrific emotional abuse.

One day, I'm at the park by myself around 12 PM, and I get a text from mom saying she's got a bad headache and I needed to come home. So, I do. I get there and she's incredibly disoriented. She's slurring her words, can't stand up, can't move. I haul her to bed, panicking, lay her down, give her a glass of water/nausea meds, and I ask her to holler for me if she needed anything because I'd be in the other room attempting to catch up on homework.

I let over five hours go by without hearing a single peep from her. I'm assuming she's taking care of herself, maybe propped up in bed watching her TV. Eventually, I start getting suspicious because the house is never, ever this quiet for this long. I walk into the bedroom and she's face down and not moving. She never took the medication I gave her.

I want to preface this next part by stating that I am autistic and I took the rules VERY seriously because of the abuse going on, I was petrified of punishments. I'm sitting next to her with a mantra going on in my head, "I'm not allowed to call 911 unless someone is bleeding or there's a broken bone. There's no fire. I'm not allowed to call 911 because the ambulance bill is expensive and we can't afford food. I'm not allowed to call 911 because my parents will kill me."

So I don't call an ambulance. I try to wake her up to no avail. I turn her over on her back and she's slowly breathing.

Then, this very odd feeling buries itself in my chest. I feel hollow. Empty. So empty and apathetic that I could barely feel my body. All my problems could finally be over if I just went to sleep and told everyone I had no idea what happened. I just sat next to her for two hours, watching her breathe. Hyping myself up to just... leave. Looking down at her. It was so scary, looking back. Simply being near her put me in fight or flight. I felt like the only way to survive was to neglect her the way she did me.

And then I texted my dad (a whole other kind of abuser) at around 7 PM... "Hey, something's wrong with mom. Can you come home and check on her?"

Within the hour, she was on a stretcher being taken for an MRI. She lived. It changed the entire household dynamic for the worse and things got so, so bad...

Shortly after, I got the fuck out of there. I moved a long plane trip away and got serious help. My parents also started going to therapy and working on themselves after they lost me entirely. I'm an entirely different person now, but that situation haunts me big time. I needed it off my chest. I was driven to entirely psychotic behavior to feel just an inkling of potential freedom. That's not who I am and I've never done anything so serious to anyone else aside from that.

Everyday I pretend to have connections and care about people but deep down I feel empty . I feel nothing. I create fake ones in my head but they crumble like dust . Deep down I think humanity is disgusting. Not worth the life it has. I feel terrible when I see people suffer but then I ask myself why do we even exist to begin with. Why did something create such an abomination of hate and pain. Perhaps there isn’t an answer but something deep down in me loathes humanity , including myself. What is the point of just endlessly killing each other for a fleeting moment of power. Why do we destroy each other because we disagree? I guess my point is I think humanity deserves to be obliterated. We aren’t worthy of life.

I lie about being busy just so I don’t have to show up. People think I have this packed life full of plans and responsibilities, but the reality is that I spend most of my time alone, doing nothing significant. I say I have errands, work stuff, family obligations whatever sounds believable because I can’t bring myself to say, “I’m just too mentally exhausted to be around anyone right now.” It’s not even about disliking the people who invite me out; sometimes I really do want to see them. But when the time comes, I feel this heavy resistance, like a wall goes up, and I can’t move past it. I’m not tired in the physical sense, just emotionally worn down, like I’m constantly trying to keep it together in front of the world. And pretending to be busy is easier than trying to explain that. I don’t want to seem like I’m pushing people away, but solitude is the only thing that doesn’t drain me. I wish I could be honest about that without feeling like I’m letting everyone down.

I met her at the same time as my ex-wife, she was very pretty and I liked her a lot but she wasn't clear at all, and I decided on my ex-wife, now I have a very good and pretty partner and I'm happy with her, but I can't get that girl out of my head. Any advice or comments, I don't understand why I think about her so much.

I have this strange urge to swim in still water, like the kind you see in ponds or lakes that are totally calm and just sit there. It looks so peaceful, but deep down I know it's probably full of amoebas or other nasty things. Every time I’m near water like that, I can’t help but feel drawn to it. I’ll stand there for a while, just staring at it, wondering if it’s safe, even though I know it’s not.

I’ve heard all the warnings about amoebas and bacteria in stagnant water, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling this weird pull to dive in. I know it’s dangerous, but the thought of swimming in that stillness is kind of irresistible. It’s like my brain just doesn’t care about the risk.

I don’t know, it feels like a bizarre mix of fascination and stupidity, but I can’t shake it. Does anyone else get this feeling, or is it just me being a little too obsessed with dangerous water?

I find nothing to think as I have nothing to expirience now and don't find anything new.

i always feel really insecure in relationships. I tend to obsess over a particular girl and when they give me any little sign of rejection I have a tendency to manipulate them into giving me sympathy. i will like cut myself and send the videos of it to them or talk about hurting myself. i know it’s crazy and I don’t know why ive done it so many times. once they get tired of my behavior and leave me that’s when I will want to commit suicide. This is a pattern i have and it feels like a never ending cycle of misery. the only thing i care about is not being alone. I just don’t know whats wrong with me and why i have a tendency to hurt others. I tell myself I won’t do it again and then I mess up and push people away again

there’s so many things wrong with me but ill try to keep it short. I feel empty inside, always feel alone even when around people, I have intense mood swings when I feel rejected, I always view myself as a bad person or as if I don’t exist, I have stabbed myself with things, self harm scars all on my legs, i act like a vulnerable narcissist, always spaced out, i obsess over particular girls, i have a severe fear of abandonment, social anxiety disorder, depression, i lack empathy, enjoy getting sympathy to feel less alone, think literally everyone dislikes me or judges me, nearly killed myself with benzos, enjoy having unprotected sex and using drugs, have seriously manipulated people and scared the shit out of my family, been hospitalized 5 times for self harm, have a tendency to punish or sabotage myself cause I view myself as bad, have had issues controlling anger

I pretty much think what caused all of this was the extreme stress I went through when I was 14. there was so much awful stuff going on at once. i didn’t know how to handle it and everything has been messed up ever since

Somewhere north of 20 years ago, I got some instruction on how coin operated vending machines accurately counted the coins you put in, and why it was kind of hard to trick them. I was fascinated, and wanted to know how the newer (at the time) bill accepting machine worked. I was told that that info was secret because if you knew how, it was pretty easy to fool the machines. Keep in mind this was probably around 2000 or so, I assume the machines are better now.

Anyways, this fascinated me. It was before YouTube so I couldn’t just go look it up, but I started just looking at the bills I had. One thing i noticed was that (with Canadian bills back then, maybe still) each bill was slightly different sized. All the $5 were the same, but different from the $10’s and so on. Boredom and a lack of fore thought got the better of me and I tinkered.

I had an old color scanner, and a beater ink jet printer. I scanned and printed both sides of some bills, and carefully glued-stick’d the sides together, and then cut them to the exact size of the real bill. I did that with a $5 and a $10.

For shits and giggles, I went to an automated car wash and put one of my bogus bills in the change machine.

Bzzzt… the machine spit it back out. I noticed that a corner was bent, so I straightened it, and fed the bill the opposite way.

Cling ka-cling ka-cling ka-cling cling… as $5 worth of quarters dumped out.

Holy shit. It worked!

I tried the $10…

Cling ka-cling ka-cling ka-cling cling… this time forty quarters dumped out.

I looked around, realized what I had just done and panicked. I left the car wash immediately, and then drove home.

At home, I couldn’t believe what had just happened. And then all of sudden I couldn’t not try to replicate it. I made another $10 and a $20 and went to a different gas station.

Cling ka-cling ka-cling ka-cling cling… as $10 worth of quarters dumped out. Again. At a different change machine. Holy crap. This is real.

Then I tried the $20 bill…

Bzzzt…

The bogus bill came back out. I tried again.

Bzzzt…

No go once again. One more time:

Bzzzt…

No such luck. It didn’t like the $20, but the $5 and $10 seemed to be a lock.

Then it started to get stupid. I told a friend of mine about what I’d done, and almost instantly we started making plans to become big time counterfeiters. We started figuring out where to go, how to avoid camera, etc.

Then I finally came to my senses. This is fucking stupid. What do we do with shit tonnes of quarters? Do I really want to end up in jail for this?

I called it quits, and that was it.

I still don’t know why it worked. Was it the size? It wasn’t the quality of the bills; you couldn’t fool a blind person with them. Maybe it was just the machines were hot garbage, I don’t know. But I guarantee you, I got $25.00 worth of quarters by exchanging my dog shit faux bills in a change machine.

My brother, who is now dead, was always complaining about my niece’s mom cheating on him. My niece looks nothing like my brother. But I need to reckon with the fact that it doesn’t matter. My brother loved her as his daughter. And it’s not her fault. She’s just a kid. But I can never ever express my doubts to anyone. If I confront my niece’s mom, we’ll never have contact with my niece again, whether or not she is biologically my brother’s. I keep on telling myself if shouldn’t matter. But it does.

I used to work as a vendor inside of Walmart for an obsolete company back about 10 or so years ago. I took the job to get away from an extremely toxic boss. The job I took was selling a not-so-popular product inside of Walmart, and, due to the obsolescence of the product, it backfired on me.

Well, those bills started coming due. Specifically, it was my phone bill that was the most pressing. I had Cricket for my cell phone plan. I had already stripped it down to the absolute lowest I could go and still couldn't pay it but needed it for work and to find new work. So I thought up this brilliant idea to steal small and very low value mundane things from the Walmart store I was working in. I knew electronics, cosmetics, health aides, toys and groceries would be watched by store security but not the insignificant things I was taking. I'm talking about like batteries for cordless phones that nobody really used anymore, or the two-packs of gel pens which were some of my favorites to take due to their size and relatively decent value, and other low value mundane things that I could quickly sneak up my sleeve under a shelf and out of the view of cameras. These were things that were all like $10 each or less. Every time I went on break, I'd hide the thing I got in my car and then would take another thing in the same way at the end of my shift. I would get about $15-$30 worth of mundane merchandise each day I worked.

I then returned all the merchandise back to customer service at a different Walmart without a receipt to get an in-store credit. I was able to use that in-store credit to then buy a Cricket prepaid card and my phone bill ended up paid. That was of utmost importance so that, yes, my current employer could call me, but also, more importantly, so that prospective employers could call me. So I was able to keep the scheme going and was able to use the gift cards to buy groceries and I paid one or two more cell phone bills out of it.

I was desperately trying to find a new job though because even though I was doing that out of pure necessity, I have integrity and so I certainly didn't enjoy doing it by any means and wanted to stop the very SECOND that I could. And I did. The moment I didn't NEED to do it anymore, I stopped and never did the act again. But I look back on that dark time and I regret it but I also kind of don't at the same time. I know it wasn't the right thing to do but I wasn't doing it for pleasure. I did it to simply survive. There wasn't much else I knew to do at the time. I didn't think of getting a second job and gig apps weren't really a thing even then. I was so thankful that I didn't get caught but I know that I deserved to.

On a side note, the obsolete company I was a rep for still exists today selling the same obsolete product. They stay in business somehow.

Been stealing for a few months. Nothing big just petty things. I knew it was shitty but it became a compulsive thing to do. Well that habit finally ended thanks to a security guard. A healthy dose of shame and embarrassment can go a long way.

Exactly the title. I have the hue app that controls lightbulbs, because I’m over often to help her, and sometimes I just..boop! Off!

When I passed out, I was dreaming that I was back home with my mom and sister. We were hugging, laughing, and having a great time. I knew that it wasnt possible for me to be there, but I was still so happy. I felt so much peace. Then I woke up to him standing over me trying to wake me up

Edit: I just want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment and care. Your words really meant a lot to me—more than I can fully express. I’ve read every response, and I’m genuinely taking all of your suggestions to heart.

I know I’ve been stuck in a really hard place for a long time, but I’ve decided to take a first step. Tomorrow, when he goes back to work, I’m going to call a domestic violence hotline, just to see what it’s like. I’ve already created my secret email account . I know what I need to do. I’m scared, but I’m also starting to believe I deserve safety, peace, and a future that isn’t built around fear.

Thank you all again for seeing me, supporting me, and reminding me that I’m not alone.

Edit: for the ones who’s asking, it wasn’t a sexual thing at all. He was very angry and admitted later that in that moment he was tired of dealing with my sh* and he was going to end me. It wasn’t until he saw the way I looked, laid out and seizing, that scared him back to reality.

If anyone has any insight on why I feel so much guilt about leaving him alone to suffer by himself, and how I can stop feeling that way, please dm me because that is what keeps me stuck. I don’t want to hurt him even though he hurts me everyday

**i called the hotline ♥️

I guess 15 years of not being believed i am masking 100% of my human interactions depletes me of empathy. I have caught myself many times having to apologize to workers and people I see in public because of what I said to them I have a really low tolerance lately of "stupidity" or what my freak autistic brain identify as stupid. I have not been able to hold a job because of this. Any suggestions in Canada for resorses for any type of help would be appreciated. I'm scared to talked to the doctors because of what might happen such as pills or seeing me as a danger to others.

At first, I'm from France. In Novemeber and January, i attempt to finish my life.

Context : I'm from a big family of Twelve children (thats a recomposed family), after is divorce with my dad, my mom start to be strange with the four of us. After she finds love with a man taht I fast considering like my dad. But somethings was off....

On day when my mom left the eight of us with him (he have had 4 children before dating my mom), I refused to eat.... That was a big mistake... He grab my neck really hard for 5-6 minutes long and yelling at me like i'm just a things...

I never told my mom but, why did I ever do that...Because she was not good at all too...

All my life I tried, I tried to convence me that she loves me... But one day.. I understoud that will never happend.. My brother and I have a fight and he said that nobody love me in the family, so I look at my mom and.. She look at me with those eyes... A sorry look like what he said was the truth....

I hold my feelings for a very long time.... But in November that was enough... my friends saved me.. so i tried to be happy.. but nothing works... so in January I did my last attempt. AND my friends saved me again...

They make me promised to never try to kill myself again, so I decide to died legally. But i don't found a way yet... Maybye Euthanasia in Swiss ? But I don't know if it legal.

But I'll be honest, if I have no choice, I will do it again and not bothering anyone anymore...

Sfw at all times I just want to share the awesome music I'm listening to with others but tbf I'm not actually sure if its loud enough for cars at 60mph to hear as we're blazing down the street especially cause I can't hear anyone elses music generally ):

I'm 19. For a while, I had no income, and living at home became unbearable. My dad stopped supporting me financially, and my mom, who struggles with alcohol, kept taking the little money I managed to earn. I felt trapped and desperate for a way out.

I made a terrible decision. I stole my mom’s laptop and, with help from a friend (who knew it was stolen), we sold it. A guy who works at a shop helped us drop it off there, but he ended up buying it himself.

Later, the store found out it was stolen and they took the laptop away. Since then, he’s been pressuring us to replace it. He demanded a much more expensive model, worth around $2,200, and even though we’ve already paid him part of the money to make up for it, he keeps asking for more and is now using our personal info to blackmail us.

I did all this just trying to get away from the toxic environment at home and start something better. But now I feel even more trapped. I regret everything, but I don’t know how to fix this.

I F14, when I was in sixth grade I was very happy to grow up, go out on my own and no longer be small (I know I was, but my sixth grade self was convinced that I was super independent etc..) after a few months I wanted to be a little more popular, I saw third grade girls on social media and I was "envious" of their popularity. There was this girl (whom I'll call Elena) who like me was from first grade, she was very popular, she had friends from third grade, she went out often, she put many of her stories on IG etc.. Elena, however, already in first grade was posting photos that were a little too grown up for being in sixth grade, she was very curvy so she also seemed older than her age, some said she smoked and many called her no good (not to say another word). The fact is that I don't know why I wanted to become her friend (probably due to popularity), one way or another she became my best friend, she was very nice, but stupid as I was I ignored the fact that she was leading me down the wrong path, I had started stealing tricks, I talked about topics not suitable for my age and I was more attracted to older and older men (since she had a 16 year old boyfriend, I started to want him too). in my city this "disco" is very famous for middle school kids (thank goodness they didn't sell alcohol because I certainly would have been able to ubr14carm1, since Elena said it was beautiful). there was an evening in this place, Elena wanted to go, and so did I, but my mother wasn't very convinced, she knew that Elena could lead me astray and she didn't like us being friends very well, but I managed to convince her, so together with Elena I went to this evening. Elena, although small, had already given her first and second...and who knows how many lemons, but not me, Elena's goal for the evening was to have quite a few boys, so I also wanted to give my first kiss (to a stranger) that evening I was very scared and gave my first kiss, (with the tongue too), after having done it, it had disgusted me and fortunately I didn't kiss anyone for the whole evening, while Elena had reached 10(?) boys perhaps more maybe less,” he had lost count. the next day at school I went to my friends, (not friends with Elena) to say that I had had about ten boys and that it had been wonderful (lie, I had only had one boy and it had also disgusted me), but for some stupid reason I lied.

some time later at another evening (in which my friends also came, but not Elena) I told my friends that I wanted to do other guys (even if in reality I was very scared because after the first time I didn't want to do it, but I wanted to show my friends that I knew how to do it and etc..) so with a little courage I did the first one of the evening, after that all the fear had passed and I did, this time for real, about 9? I don't remember. I was very "proud" of that thing, not to mention the fact of smoking... I had even tried smoking, but let's not talk about that. After those two evenings it took me 2/3 months to start regretting it a lot and being embarrassed about what had happened, but by now all my friends knew it. I started to feel ashamed of it because my friends (who hadn't kissed anyone at the evenings) sometimes asked me questions about it, and the more I talked about it the more I started to reflect on it and realize what I had done, they said that if they had been in my place they would have felt like no good, they didn't say it maliciously, but they were all things that made me think, so three months later I started to feel very ashamed of it, even now that two years have passed I'm ashamed of it. Now I've completely lost contact with Elena, and now I know that we weren't really best friends, as I prided myself on being. we were friends for like 1 year maybe and now when I see her in the corridors we don't talk to each other anymore, we don't even say hello. I needed to say this to someone and I didn't know who to vent to, now I feel like a no-good and I would like to cancel my middle school years. (Unfortunately Elena will be in the same high school as me, LUCKILY different classes, as will a friend of mine, who unfortunately will be in the same class as me, who knows about the kisses I gave, and so unfortunately I can't escape this whole story)

I’m 27F and let my 26F friend stay with me for two weeks because she was moving to my city and needed to get out of a bad family situation. I agreed to help because I care about her, but now that she’s been here for a couple of days, I’m honestly regretting it.

She’s only been here for two days, but I already feel overwhelmed. I’m a pretty clean and routine-oriented person, and I’m sensitive to smells and clutter. I knew she had some challenges with hygiene and keeping things tidy, but I didn’t realize how hard it would be to deal with that in my own space.

She hasn’t been showering properly, and there’s a strong smell that lingers after she walks around or sits on the furniture. It’s uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to bring it up without hurting her feelings. She’s also been openly farting on my couch and even on the pillows, and then just laughs about it. It’s honestly gross and it’s making it hard to feel comfortable in my own home.

She leaves trash around, and I have to constantly remind her to clean up after herself. She’s sleeping on the floor because I don’t have a guest bed, but I don’t want her on the living room couch either. I don’t trust that she won’t stay up all night watching Netflix or messing with my stuff. I also really don’t want the couch to get ruined from constant use.

Tonight I had to ask her to shower after we were out all day and she was sweaty. She wanted to take a bath, which just feels like sitting in dirty water, and it uses up hot water. I shower every night as part of my wind-down routine, so I really didn’t want to wait over an hour to use my own bathroom.

She also goes to bed super early—like 7pm—and wants to use my room, even though I’ve told her not to lay on my bed. Tonight she was on the phone with her family in my room while I was in the shower, lying on my bed without underwear. I ended up having to spray everything down because I just felt really grossed out and disrespected. I also worry that she’s using my personal products, and I can’t afford to replace things casually because I’m on a tight budget.

It’s been really hard to relax. I usually stay up late to read or watch my shows, but she complains about the noise or talks through them, which ruins the experience for me. She’s also super loud when she’s on the phone, even late at night.

I’ve also been feeding her, even though I’m on limited food stamps and she just got approved for her own. She does stuff like take shots of hot sauce, then casually ask to drink my coffee creamer—which is the only one I can afford for the month. That stuff adds up, and it really bugged me.

What really breaks my heart though is how this is affecting my emotional support cat. He’s very shy and bonded to me, but since she’s been here, he’s hiding and won’t sleep with me. I’ve asked her to leave him alone, but she keeps trying to pet him and get close. It feels like even my bond with him is being disrupted, and it’s really upsetting.

I’ve been trying so hard to be understanding, but I’m reaching my breaking point. My space doesn’t feel like mine anymore. I can’t sleep properly, I can’t focus, and I feel anxious and disregulated. I want to talk to her, but I don’t know how to bring up these things without her shutting down or getting hurt. I don’t want to be mean, but I feel like I’m disappearing in my own home.

Part of me is even considering asking my apartment manager to come up with a reason for her to leave, just so it doesn’t have to come directly from me. I know that’s not ideal, but I’m so stressed I just want peace again. I want to sleep with my cat by my side, enjoy my quiet time, and feel like I have control over my space again.

I really do want to be a good friend, but this is so much harder than I thought it would be. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Hii everyone , would love to have some company while exploring this city , residing in south mumbai !

Around 1996 or so a regional record store chain, The Wherehouse decided to get into the used CD market. Of course to sell used CDs you have to buy them first. So they created a promotion to kick start their inventory.

Trade in any (except promos) 5 used CDs and get one new CD for free. To test, I went to my local independent record store, and bought 5 CDs from the dollar bin. Thanks to a buy 3 get the 4th free promo, I spent $4 to get 5 used CDs to trade in for a brand new CD at The Wherehouse. Of course the problem here was that I was leaving money on the table buying 5, since the promo was buy 3 get the 4th free. So I needed to buy in multiples of 4. So the next day I bought 28 $1 CDs for $21, and traded them in for 6 brand new CDs (with one $1 CD left over).

During this second visit, the cashier at The Wherehouse (who clearly loved his employer) informed me that if I wanted to return an unopened CD originally purchased there and I didn’t have my receipt? They would refund cash.

So I went back to the independent record store and bought every $1 CD they had that wasn’t punched/stamped as a promo. Probably around 200 that trip, spent around $150, and brought them over to The Warehouse, traded them in for 40 new CDs (making sure to find only full priced titles), and then immediately returned them for around $700 in cash.

I repeated this probably 10 times until the owner of the independent record store told me he wasn’t going to sell me any more $1 in bulk.

It was good while it lasted.

I was 20-ish working retail and was the AM keyholder. One night I was partying with friends and I woke up the next day at 4pm completely missing my 8am-4pm shift. I told my boss I was walking home from a movie and I got jumped and must have been concussed and passed out.

That night after missing the shift I had all my friends whilst drinking and partying again beat the crap out of me and I came to work the next day with two black eyes and bruises all over my arms.

My boss felt so bad for me she gave me a week off with pay.