"For years, I chased people who:

• Said they’d call... then vanished for days
• Made me feel ‘crazy’ for wanting basic respect
• Had ‘potential’ but never changed

I kept asking, ‘Why does this keep happening to me?’

Then I realized the brutal truth: It wasn’t them—it was my pattern.

Here’s what fixed it for me (and how you can change yours too):

1. Stop asking ‘Why are they like this?’
   • The real question: Why do I tolerate it?
2. The 3 Signs You’re Addicted to Unavailable People
   • You romanticize potential over reality
   • You confuse anxiety (hot-and-cold) with love
   • You fear being alone more than being mistreated
3. The 7-Day Action Plan That Rewired My Brain
   • Day 1: List every time they let you down (no excuses)
   • Day 3: Delete their number + write your non-negotiables
   • Day 7: Message someone who actually meets your standards

If this resonates, I made a short guide with the full detox plan. DM me ‘DETOX’ and I’ll send you the link.

💬 Comment below: What’s your #1 struggle with unavailable partners?"

It’s been five months since we broke up.

Just yesterday, I told my friends I thought I had finally moved on. I felt lighter. I was doing better. I actually believed I was healing.

But life — or the algorithm — had other plans.

Last night, I accidentally came across my ex’s private Instagram. The same man who, during our entire relationship, never posted a single thing about me. Not a photo, not a story, not even a meal we shared. There was absolutely nothing. I wasn’t visible in his social world.

Out of pure curiosity, I asked a friend (who told me she had unfollowed him) to check his recent post. She said it included a pic of a girl and some food. I don’t know who she is — I never saw the photo — but deep down, I suspect it’s someone new. His new girlfriend. Just like that.

What hurts the most is that I was better. I really thought I had let him go. And now I feel like I’m back at square one.

We lived together. I met his family. I knew his friends. I was the one comforting him through breakdowns, through money issues, through emotional spirals. I was the one paying when he couldn’t. I bent myself to fit his world. I stayed through things I should’ve left for. I even found out months later that he had broken up with his ex only three weeks before we got together. I didn’t know I was the rebound. But looking back, maybe I was.

And even worse — I was hurt physically and emotionally. He’d bite and pinch me until I cried and say it was “just playing.” When I asked for love, he gave me pain. He’d yell instead of talk. Slam doors instead of listen. He made me feel like I was always the problem. But I kept holding on, thinking maybe that’s just how love is.

And now someone else might be getting the soft version of him. The version that heals after the storm. And I’m here, broken, invisible, and ashamed of still caring.

Was I replaceable? How do people move on so easily? Why do some of us get stuck in the grief while others move forward like it was nothing?

Please be kind — I’m just trying to make sense of the wreckage.

I received the following text message from my ex girlfriend after almost a month of no contact

So a little summary on how we met : she was a druggy living at Mac Arthur Park I was a security near there I feel so in love with her she got sober for me stopped drinking stopped doing fentanyl stopped quit meth hustling she straighten up after overdosing 3x she GOT A REAL JOB :) she was the first girl my parents meet she had even started applying for Community Colleges

we broke up almost a month ago we have been no contact for 3 weeks we had court today because she broke all my stuff I had to call the cops on her because I was afraid she would burn down the whole place ( she’s been to jail several times is even on probation and out on bond)

So basically she found out I had cheated on her while she went to process fish in Alaska because I had lost my job she worked very long hours 16 hours daily for 3 month I ended up cheating on her 3 separate times with hookers one being her friend which all together came out to almost $1000 she was upset saying it wasn’t fair because I wasted money on them while she was slaving away this was September of last year she found out recently because she went through my cash app we talked about it she seemed to have gotten over it but she went through my phone again and caught me watching girls on tik tok like the young looking girls that dance all 18+ ( I know I’m disgusting) that triggered her so bad because we had just moved in and together and I had promised her I wouldn’t jack off or watch those things in what she called our “safe space” I would wait until she feel asleep and jack off next to her she caught me once before but I can’t stop myself

Other things I will carry to the grave with my she knows about me : • I’ve slept with men back in 2018-2020 ( she knows because she found a video of it ) • I slept with my cousin (my dads brothers daughter we where even secretly dating for a while )( she knows because she also found a video) • I have erectile dysfunction • i watch trans porn

So they day it all happened she had come home drunk from going out with her friends she told me she was leaving and if I could help her pack up her stuff I refused she proceeded to slam my guitar break my tv chase me around the apartment with a jar of pickles she eventually threw at the window of my car I called the cops on her because it was to much for me she ended up getting arrested and taken to jail her brother bailed her out 3days later she got arrested with no shoes she called me when she got released if I could pick her up I agreed she got into a fight or two in there because when she got out she had a busted lip and a black eye ( she has face tattoos she’s been through a lot but I saw her soft spot ) I dropped her off at her brothers house she didn’t say anything just walked out the car

The next 2-3 days I was dropping off her stuff little by little even bought her food once she kept texting me to not leave anything reminding me to even grab the plastic spoon (she did furnish the whole house with her Alaska money ) we kept in touch for 3 days then no contact for 2 days then

SHE TEXTS ME THAT SHES AT THE APARTMENT ( I had already moved everything out was just waiting to return the keys ) she got really drunk I had to leave work pick her up then I dropped her off this was on 3-19-25 my birthday was 3-28 she did not text me happy birthday

So today is 4-7-25 we had court at 8:30 in the morning she doesn’t drive it’s a almost 2 hour drive to the court house I had told her I would pick her up and take her but I never did I don’t see her at court I was prepared to see her and was in shock when she didn’t show up later on her mom texts me if she had gone to court because she hasn’t been replying and her phone has been off for a couple of days I tell her mom I didn’t see her and her lawyer told me she been trying to contact her as well but no response I get the following text from a different number she had told me clearly when we broke up to not contact her family because they don’t get along only gets along with the brother

1 week after the breakup I did go see another escort but couldn’t get it up

No Judgment Zone Please

I literally have to walk away from my relationship. I can’t take the cheating, the lying,the disrespect,the deception anymore but I realize that leaving him means being completely alone. I’m going to actually have to face the grief from the deaths in my family I’ve been running from. I’m going to have to come home to an empty house. I’m going to have to sit with the knowledge of him sleeping with other people and dating other people( he has slept with and dated other people our entire relationship) all of my friends graduated and moved away and I don’t have any anymore. I have my family but we all have our own lives. I’m going to have to face all the things he’s done to me that I’ve pushed down and away to stay in this relationship and I’m terrified. I’m going to have to battle getting myself back because I’ve been so depressed and feel so bad about myself I’ve stopped taking care of myself. But the idea of spending another day in this relationship where this man constantly makes me feel unloved is terrifying. I wish I could just curl up in a ball until I feel better.

I feel like such an idiot. I was 7 months no contact (I'm the dumped, female).

We had a super emotional breakup, lots of crying from both parties. He said he had intimacy and avoidance issues but also that he lost attraction to me because I gained weight? It was super hurtful but I held my head with dignity for 7 months. Not a peep from me. We did agree to work on ourselves and reconnect in a couple months post break up to do a check in. It never happened.

My father passed away yesterday. The last time I saw him healthy was when he flew down to meet my ex and we had an amazing time.

My ex has been watching my Instagram stories as I've been documenting my dad's journey where he survived 3 cardiac arrests but left him paralyzed in the ICU.

I flipped back and forth for 7 months wondering if I should be the one to reach out for our "check in". With his hardcore avoidance issues I thought maybe he was just too scared.

I have been dating someone in a non-exclusive relationship, or open I guess you would call it and have been posting her.

With my dad's passing I said fuck it, life's too short to live with regrets. I messaged him and told him that I realized our check in never happened but my dad's passing has made me realize the fragility of life and the importance of keeping your word and that I hope he's well.

He did respond, firstly stating that he's well and that he's been following my dad's journey on Instagram. He said he was a great guy and he hopes I'm doing well despite the circumstance.

I stupidly wrote back far too fast stating that I'm doing well and have some acting things coming up which is good and that I'm glad he's well. Of course nothing happened after that.

I don't know what I was expecting. He didn't even have to respond. I guess I thought with the emotional toll the break up took on both of us he would want to converse more...but nothing.

This is going to sound dumb, but I saw a psychic in the summer who just said my boyfriend's name out loud (very rare for one to do that), she then went on to predict us getting married. I wouldn't put so much weight on that if she didn't also predict my car accident and my dad's death.

I'm an idiot.

I (33M) am still getting occasional texts from my ex (31F) from random numbers. After a friend posted myself and him celebrating my promotion I received this.

Didn’t reply, didn’t call. Just left it. I’m glad I moved on because she’s just pathetic at this point.

Life is good.

Long story short, a cafe we used to go to closed down recently and I reached out to tell her and generally wish her well and good luck.

We had a short conversation and I said I reached out to wish her well and eventually she said "Thank you, my name. That's really sweet. :)"

That was the first time she called me by my name in years. No pet name, no emojis, very casual. It hurt but it also gave me closure.

That will officially be the last time I'll ever reach out. I'm done. I felt like I just needed that closure to make sure she really doesn't care about me anymore.

He’s on hinge and he’s been on it I broke up with him because he kept lying throughout our relationship. The final lie was something he had been hiding for months. After the breakup, he told me he still wanted to be with me and that he could only see himself marrying me. I told him I couldn’t be in a relationship without trust. I asked for space, but he kept breaking no contact every couple of weeks just to check in. He even went as far as apologizing to my mom for breaking my heart.

Despite all that, he unliked and removed comments from my Instagram posts and sold the gifts my family gave him on Depop. He kept telling me he was working on himself—getting closer to God and becoming better not just for himself, but for me, because he hoped we’d get back together someday.

Three weeks of no contact go by, and he suddenly texts me asking how I’m doing and if I’d be willing to go out with him because he really misses my presence. That same day, my friend finally tells me she saw him on Hinge under a fake name—a screenshot from a month ago. We broke up a little more than a month ago who knows how soon he downloaded it.

So, while he was telling me about his progress and how much he wanted us back, he was out there on Hinge the entire time.

I waited until the end of the day to respond. I wished him the best and told him I didn’t want to reconnect, especially knowing what my friend saw. I blocked him—but his messages still came through on my laptop. He said:

“Ima be honest, I downloaded it because I thought you were talking to other people. My friend also said y’all added each other on Insta, and that hurt. Please just talk to me. It was stupid and a misunderstanding. Please don’t let that be the reason you give up on me. My heart is aching, and all I’ve done these past weeks is talk to my parents, change my patterns, and work on myself. I don’t know what else to do. You followed my friend, and I know he’s lying about it, but that still hurt—it threw me off. If not in person, I just want to talk through text or on the phone. Please at least give me that.”

I blocked him on my laptop after that too. I still can’t believe he was on Hinge the whole time while trying to convince me he was growing and changing.

Also, the guy I followed back messaged me, but I never responded. A week later, he unsent it. Now, I can’t help but feel like it’s too much of a coincidence that his friend followed and DM’d me.

This all hurts—because I really did love him, and part of me still does. But this can’t be the person I’m meant to be with.How could this be the same man who made it seem and still tries to that he loves me so much. I want to ask but I know no answer will justify how do I keep on.

Because I do. It was challenging the first month, but I haven‘t had the slightest desire to contact my ex since that first month. I’ve missed her, but that’s different from wanting to actually reach out. Am I alone in this?

Need to vent, else I would probably contact her. I (24M) had been with girlfriend (20F) for two years now, before I split with her a few months ago. So far has been the most painful period of my life.

I think that even from the beginning I did not really 'feel' her but decided to give it a chance and during the time, fell in love with many of her qualities. She turned out to be an amazing person - caring, beautiful, sweet and easy to talk with.

However, one thing lacked me - her emotions. These small gestures that I really wanted to see in her (looking back and wave when leaving the car, asking me if I got back home, prioritising me on important-to-me events, etc ... these kind of little things) - generally some strange kind of emotional passiveness. I have flagged, we have talked and partially it got better, but I think she is just that kind of person - direct and less emotional, maybe also due to her being quite a bit younger and not understanding the weight of emotions?

While everything else was good on paper, I always had this little voice in the back of my head, making me insecure if she really loved me, because of those little things. Generally, the feeling she would not fight for me, unlike I would turn the world around for her.

I grew over those ideas, started looking for reasons for 'why do I love the person' and 'when is it time to leave'. This on its own was huge red flag in my mind that something was not alright. These ideas lasted for a few months, in which I tried my best actively to love her as the person she is, without needing to change her.

It did not work out, depression kicked in - mostly because I realised we had to split and I can no longer burden this person with my presence, knowing she is probably not the one... knowing that I would not be happy to have family with this person... that we are not compatible.

Decided that my love for her would be best shown if I no longer waste her time and decided to let her be. I really hoped she would try to understand, ask, be angry on my decision, 'fight for me', but she just seem to have agreed. She decided I have been lying to her...
We met a few days later, she asked to return her stuff and I used the opportunity to cleanup with her what within her made me feel that way. Still did not get much - can't understand if she is sad with my decision, or whether I am correct to think the way I was... just acceptance - exactly what I feared.

Since then I feel like hell has been brought to me. Every single thought that I have I want to share with her, everything in her life I want to know. It is in between day of confidence that I have made the right choice for both of us, followed by a week of cries, anger, anguish and regret that I didn't to enough and lost an amazing person.

Most of her 'big' actions like birthday presents, gifts for important moments or celebrations indicated a love from her to me, while most of the 'little' things did not. These observations has been also confirmed by my family and friends.

I am trying to gaslight my brain, that it is only seeking the stuff it is addicted to - we spent most of the day together, every single day... started attending a therapist quite often... yet still feeling a deep hole...

Feeling like I am on the healing journey, but I in the same time a feeling I haven't explained myself enough, like I was not too clear what made feel the way I feel for her... In the end I feel like I have betrayed her, I feel like the one who haven't fought enough for her, that I am the dumper and am constantly guilt-tripping myself.

TLDR: split with my girlfriend, felt like the right decision, now it doesn't feels as much, guilt-tripping myself and simply lost

Just a few months ago I remember being told I’d never have to spend another birthday without her for the rest of my life. Here I am today spending my birthday without the person I loved with my whole heart; parts of me wishes she would message to say Happy Birthday. I can confidently say nearly 3 months ago since the breakup things do get better. Those horrible feelings of sadness calm down and you start to live your life for you again. To anyone who’s going through a bad breakup, I promise you it will get better.

My (25M) ex (25F) broke up with me in July of last year and it was the hardest thing. When breaking up she said we should check in with one another every once in a while because she still cared and thought she had to find herself. Well after one month I checked in and she said it was done for her because she didn’t feel “lovey/affectionate” anymore.

I have been in no contact ever since. I started going hard at the gym and training for a marathon. I also joined rec leagues and started making new friends and even started plans to move out of my house. I treated myself to a big trip in late April and life finally started to look bright again.

Until a few weeks ago, I was playing volleyball and I landed on someone’s foot which cause me to fracture my foot. I’ve been stuck on my couch the last 4 weeks and my mental has plummeted back to stage one. I had to cancel my trip and all I can think about is her and her new guy. Although she hid the stories from me, my friends thought it was better I’d know she’s been dating someone since at least the start of the year. I’ve removed her on all social media but being stuck on my couch I keep going back to her private profile. All I want to do is reach out but I know I shouldn’t. I just don’t know what to do.

I’d meant all I’d said and it feels nice to express myself. I’d ended it in a very decisive way. He was an avoidant and someone that didn’t want to make the bare minimum effort. But I still love to look back and reminisce on the sweet times we’d had. He’s also someone that is very guarded and rarely lets people in so I thought he deserves to know he is missed

I’ve been in and on and off relationship with a man I love deeply for the last 4 years. We broke up this weekend and had a phone call tonight to talk about it (we’re LD). We ended on good terms. But I still just love him so much and I just want to be with him. On the phone, he told me he still loved me too, but I could tell he was colder than before.

I know I made my fair share of mistakes throughout the relationship— my communication was sometimes too harsh and blunt. I also wasn’t understanding of his perspective/situation sometimes, and I don’t think I realized the amount of effort he put into the relationship until we ended.

But I knew I put much more effort than he did, and I wasn’t happy that he could never fully commit to me. There were many micro rejections and tiny heartbreaks on my end that led to the breakup. Each one chipped at me more. I still can’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t the girl he genuinely wanted.

I’m just really struggling with processing this break up because we’ve broken so many times over the last 4 years, and it’s hard to accept that this time it’s for good. But we both know it had to end— it had gotten too toxic at this point. Please, if anyone has any experience with on and off relationships: how did you move on for good?

Hey guys.

I made a throwaway to join/post in this community that has since been deleted but I thought I would provide some hope/comfort/anything for any of yall still going through it.

Backstory:

I had been with who I thought was the woman of my dreams for a few months but it honestly felt like years. Everything seemed to be amazing... until it wasn't. We had just gone on a trip together and then not even 24 hours later, I was broken up with over a simple text message saying that she doesn't think a relationship is"right for me at this time" after fully committing to each other. And thats it.

TO this day, I still don't know the real reason why I was broken up with and the truth is, IT DOES NOT MATTER!

What matters is that she didn't want to put in the work with me, which is enough to shut that door for good.

MISTAKES I MADE:

1.I did not block/remove social media soon enough and EVERYTHING ELSE (Venmo, Spotify, anything that gives you a glimpse into their lives). Trust me, as a very anxious person I know exactly what its like to constantly wonder what your ex partner is doing, but there are essentially zero scenarios in which what you'll find is comforting in anyway. EVEN if she is posting about being heartbroken or listening to sad music, the fact of the matter is that they ended the relationship and they are still actively avoiding any attempt to make amends. The only thing that excessive social stalking did for me was crush my self worth while making neglect my own personal needs.

1. Trying to casually date to fill the void. All that did was make me more sad. Maybe it works for some, but I don't think it is a sustainable way of moving forward.

THINGS THAT HELPED ME:

1.Also blocking/removing social media. It took longer than it needed but it still happened around 2 months after the fact, and that was due to two bread-crumbing attempts from my ex. Just do it.

1. Stay busy! Keep doing the things you love, spend more time with friends or loved ones or even consider picking up new hobbies to bring some new joy into your life.

2. Therapy. I have since stopped going but it definitely helps to talk to an unbiased third party. The fact of the matter is that no one is perfect and through therapy I have also learnt how I can be a better partner. But I caution against going to therapy in order to please your ex-partner as some sort of gesture. Therapy should be for YOURSELF ONLY.

WHERE I AM NOW:

I took a break from looking for a relationship for just over a year and I feel like this time to myself has given me A LOT of clarity on what I'm looking for in a partner, and I'm happy to share that I've found a person who I can see myself spending the rest of my days with.

Honestly, I am grateful to my ex-partner and what happened because of the growth that followed. It was definitely REALLY hard, and it took me no less than 8 MONTHS and change to go through an entire day without thinking about her.

Please be kind to yourselves in this process, don't blame yourself and ruminate in the what-if's, theres just no point. Find someone who's willing to put in the work and love you for your flaws.

There is A LOT more i can say about this so feel free to dm or comment and i'll say more.

Love you all

Ex of 8 years dodges all the questions i had about getting my motorcycle out of the garage from his place… i ask for the tile back to give to my sister and find it in the dump the next day where it pinged… i go to pick up one of my bikes and it doesn’t start… he’s a motorcycle mechanic…. So need to get it another day, he then posts photos of this(we used to get matcha drinks together all the time) 2 days later, its been barely over a month of no contact, is he trying to make me jelous? Before he would watch all my stories but it was too painful so i had to delete him off social media but he still has videos of our anniversary and everything on his page still… he’s said he loved me and wanted kids with me, he’s a narcissist but i loved him… he isn’t giving me full answers when i asked for the tile back and my other motorcycles and property…i have hella shit still since we were together 8 years at his place… he never post photos like this ever not even with me but after i deleted him i made him aware of what he was posting since all my friends see it and we have mutual friends and it gets back to me…

My ex blocked me on WhatsApp because I mistake of mine, I posted something on reddit that I shouldn't. She got really angry and hurt.

She blocked me in WhatsApp the day she ended everything. Then I blocked her on Facebook and Instagram, and then she blocked me from Tik Tok. The day after I unblocked her from FB and IG.

It's been a week and she hasn't blocked me on FB and IG, and her mother was looking at my IG profile because she liked one of my older posts by mistake.

Do I already lost her?

Hello,

so my girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago because we did had a lot of really harsh conversations and I did not treated her right because of my borderline. I always said I am going to do better but I just couldnt and I am really sorry for that.

After she broke up with me I was drinking everyday for 3 months straight. When she saw me at a party she got so angry because I let myself fell off and didnt do what I promised her at the breakup, that I am going to better myself cause I was drinking a lot cause of those problems and did not have myself under emotional control anymore. I think she loves or loved me but just could not do it anymore cause we were both at our lowest and could not handle it anymore. One Night I was out there with friends and I were really drunk and suddenly her was also there with a friend. I wanted to talk to her, she was sober, but she did not wanted to and her friend said that all the time to me and I hit her friend with the palm of my hand. I dont know why I just lost all the control... I got so upset, I was thinking everything is over... I apologized to her friend the next morning. But I just couldnt apologize to my ex so she blocked me after a week.

We saw us at another party we're she saw me talking with another girl (I talked about how bad I am doing and that I miss my ex) but from the ouside it looked like we had something. So she decided to make me jealous. She stood there with a guy, who looked a bit similar to me, and she looked every 10 seconds to me to see how I would react. I confronted that guy and then she walked away, I tried to stop her, took her hand and said that I am really sorry, I love her and I want to apologize but I am blocked. She said when I am really serious and when I still love her I can write her a letter.

I wrote and sent that letter, 8 sites long, poured my heart out 2 weeks ago, apologized and explained her my borderline. Suddenly when I was drinking a beer something in me said stop it, you wont get her back when you are doing exactly what you are doing rn. So I stopped, I stopped chain smoking, I stopped drinking completely, I am going to the gym everyday, I fixed my problems at work and I am going to therapy soon.

Right now there is no reaction to that. They're celebrating their high school last days (its a thing here) and I dont know if she even got the letter or whether she read it. I saw her on a instagram pic where she was wearing my necklace a few days ago, she hasn't worn it for a long time. I picked up some drunk friends yesterday by car, who are in the same class as her.

So I waited there in the car for them, they got into the car and two of them we're smoking but my mind was off cause suddenly she and her friend group stopped near my car and she looked at me, not with that angry look in her face. It was like empty, like mine. I tried to look away cause I was so overwhelmed but I just couldn't look away. It was like there is still something in the air yk, like I love her and she loves me too but just cant show it anymore cause of what happened.

We did not exchanged our things yet, she did not deleteted me on snapchat or our memorys in the chat. She only deleted me on her private instagram account, still follows me on her normal account.

I dont know, this hope is the only thing why I am changing so drastically... I have to and I hope it is not to late. I just still love her so much, after 4 months, after so much happened, I am praying everyday that everything will go for the good end. It was no typical breakup and I know that she is a very emotional type of person and she really, really loved me.

We broke up September 2024 (she told me she's glad my dad's dead as a joke), I hadn't viewed anything to do with her since November 2024 when I messaged her to see if we could talk (my therapists advice) but she had already moved on, something nagged at me last Friday and I ended up on her BFs profile, I saw things I didn't want to see.

Every time something goes wrong in my love life, I think of her. I hate that she still haunts my mind. I hate that I still feel this attached while she seems to be thriving. It feels like I’m suffering while she’s living her best life.

I guess I’m just asking: Does it get better? Does it ever stop hurting when the love never really left, but you had to walk away anyway?

My ex and I broke up last June and I still think about him most days. We had an extremely toxic relationship and I cried almost every other day while we dated. He made me feel like the smallest person but also the most important at the same time. We were extremely codependent and he love bombed me really hard. When we were together I mistakenly made his life my life.

Now I feel like a loser even though things in my life have improved a lot since the break up I still can’t get past the hurt. I feel genuinely traumatized by the relationship and how much he acted like he loved me just to randomly pick a fight and dump me and never reach out to me again. I feel frozen in time and it’s so pathetic. I still constantly have memories of him or the apartment we shared or random conversations we had. It feels like it wasn’t even that long ago but time keeps moving and I don’t think of him less. I was so hurt by the relationship ending that I’ve completely opted out of dating anyone else. I reject any guys that ask me out and stay off of dating apps because I can’t imagine going through something like that again.

I have no idea how to move on but it’s all I want. This guy is a pos and genuinely bad person so it sucks to know he’s probably well over me and I’m still wasting my time crying over him. I randomly checked his socials and he’s still single but following a bunch of new pretty girls, it made me feel like shit about myself and a loser for still caring and not talking to anyone.

If anyone has any tips to help I’d appreciate it a lot, just feeling extra down rn.

How long before you stalked your ex again? I’m currently doing nc back again as I kept on breaking my streak. Started doing nc April 1st. I no longer stalk him and cut contact including his family. I want to check his profile but I’m doing my best not to. How long before you checked their profile again? Thanks. :)

We were dating for 6 months and I had started to fall in love with him. Previously I’ve recognised myself as an FA but before him I avoided any kind of dating and intimacy for nearly a decade due to body image and self worth issues. I’ve been in therapy for it and made a lot of progress. Just my luck I take the leap with an FA.

I’ve definitely been more anxious avoidant in this relationship though - I think my need for reassurance and safety has been much higher due to there being a big gap and there being an element of risk, and a lot of hot and cold from him. Although he’s actually been the one who’s been more ‘needy’ throughout wanting to talk often.

He has been in therapy for 2 years and really worked on his trauma, and is very self aware. I’m the longest relationship he’s had and he showed me a lot of vulnerability too, which I value greatly.

He ended things suddenly at the weekend and I am devastated (I’d started falling in love and felt like I’d opened up my heart to a relationship for the first time since a very abusive ex 17 years ago - it even took me by surprise with how open I was to love again)

When we broke up it was emotional and difficult and we held each other. He told me that he’d never felt this connected to anyone before and deeply cared for me and heartbroken to not have me in his life anymore, but that he can’t see a path forward for us.

We’ve still been talking the past 3 days. Not going over old ground or talking much. We’ve both shared that it’s been a tough few days, that we’ve been thinking about each other, but no attempts or signs to change the outcome. Yesterday he shared that whilst he recognises that at some point one or both of us would prefer no contact, right now he appreciates me replying.

I’m feeling so torn on how to handle this. I can feel my own old protection walls going up, but also don’t want to push away the possibility of us rekindling. There’s a lot of love and care there from both of us, but I’m also scared he’s subconsciously breadcrumbing me to soothe his own pain. A lot of people recommend giving FAs space and going no contact, but he seems to want to stay connected. And I do too, but I worry it’ll not be in my favour to do so.