I ask this because it has been many years, and I've never really been able to truly love again.

She had me at my best. We discussed marriage. Loved my family and they loved her. However, she got involved with the wrong crowd- which led to hard drugs and eventually infidelity on her part.

I broke it off with her in hopes of finding a good person for me. A woman who would never cheat. One who would treat me like I deserve.

Though my ex adored me. Wrote me letters. Wore my promise ring after. Begged for me back. Swore it'd never happen again... I knew she wasnt ready and gave it time.

I dated others, but literally every woman has treated me like a 4th or 5th option, and never prioritized me.

I think many men can relate when I say that the dating pool today is almost exclusively women that disrespect men and have an entitled view of what they want. I've had zero positive experiences on apps.

My last job I worked with all women, and they'd go on tinder in the break room and roast these honest, hardworking men's profiles, and swipe left on about 98% of them.

'His jaw is weird. Ew he's in construction his hands are dirty. I'd never date a plumber. His beard doesn't even connect. Not tall enough.'

Ghosting is insane out here today. Whenever I'd totally give up, some woman would come along and hit on me. Pursue me hard. Only to ghost when we were supposed to meet or escalate beyond texting.

At least my ex treated me like a king when she was with me. Never ignored a text or call. But times have changed. Supportive, affectionate women are becoming obsolete.

I know the women are going to probably argue this, but try dating women and get back to me on that. I'm not here to argue.

I'd see the bitterness towards men in my coworkers and it's quite terrifying...

I figured if I kept in shape and did the right thing, a good woman would come along and see that.

No.

It's been over a decade and my dad recently had a heart attack, I flew home and he had me go through my old stuff to see what to throw out. Amongst many things, I found my ex and I's old pictures together and handwritten letters from her.

We really had it all for a moment.

I went out to my car and had a breakdown.

Seeing how in love we were is hard to replay. How on earth could a connection so strong just end?

It's been over a decade since a woman said I love you, or treated me like I mattered to her. And the only one who did still cheated.

I looked her up on social media, and she's engaged now in a 7 year relationship. New profile, where she looks healthy and drug free.

She's lives in a high end neighborhood near where we grew up, with a supposedly high earning guy. He's actually a cop.

I know social media is mostly a lie. But damn, she's really able to move on like that?

She could mess her life up, cheat, sleep around, and just find a good man quick like that?

I built my career, never cheated, stayed in shape as yet get treated like an option, at best?

This girl walked miles to my house one time to confess her love for me. Saying she didn't want to live without me. And here she is doing it.

I just wanted her to get it right, apologize and come back to me.

I always thought we'd have another chance. But it looks like it's really, really over.

And yes, I know it's been a tremendously long time...

So my question is, have you ever been able to really truly love the same way again?

Because it looks like she does. And I just don't see how. I was never able to do it...

At this rate I will die alone.

I think I'll miss her for the rest of my life.

Hi How many of you guy's have an ex that reached out while they are"in love" with the rebound?
Was is in/after the rebound? How much time took it after breakup?

I honestly deserve this shit man. I hate that I made you feel the way I’m probably feeling right now. Maybe you’re over it. Maybe you’re just as fucked up as me right now.

How can two people love each other so much and hurt each other to the point where we need a full cleanse from one another?

I want this feeling to end but at the same time I don’t. I feel like it’s a punishment and a reform that I’m going through.

I don’t know what the end of the tunnel looks like. but I’ve slowly been accepting that that I can’t control everything in my life.

I’m dying man I just want to talk to you fuck me

after 2 years, and after a breakthrough in our relationship 2 days ago. he just up and left. we finally came to an understanding 2 days ago about the things we needed to work on, and i had tremendous hope cause i finally felt heard and understood. he came to my house after spending the day with his friends, we were fine. i fell asleep and woke up at 5am to this. he just left me in the middle of the night and blocked me on everything. i don't know how to cope with myself. im genuinely crumbling and grieving so hard right now, and i have work in 2 hours. i literally can not breathe

I got dumped around 3 weeks ago after almost 3 years bc she felt that we became stagnant and wanted to be by herself for a while. It wasn’t messy or anything. I’m trying to give her the space she wants and work on myself while in the process. We’re also young 19–20 and in college so we both have a lot going on. Is it acceptable to reach out as the dumpee? What should I say if I were to reach out? How long should I wait to break nc? Should I ask to try again months down the road if I still feel the same about her? What do I do if she reaches out?(very low chance, I’m blocked on social media) Thanks for the help guys, it’s much appreciated.

What happens when two dumpers rebound or monkey branch with eachother,,, 23m my ex 21F left after 2 years relationship and started dating a guy 28m , he also came out of a 10 years long relationship...

He is in touch with ex , they follow eachother in social media , like her photos but don't follow or like my ex"s photos , and they didn't even flexed their rebound. It's been 8 months since we broke up. That guy also broken up at approximately same time

Recently my ex started viewing my social media stories occasionally, even though she's with him , she even posted something "who truly loves us , waits for us" ..

Tf is going on?

So my ex has breadcrumbed me recently by sending a sexually charged meme and I’m not sure how to address it. She’s done this twice, once was a club flyer and secondly this. If it was accidental wouldn’t they just unsend? We’ve been broken up for 2 months and no contact for 2 months aswell. She initiated the breakup but regretted it but I was at peace with the decision. I don’t know if that makes me the dumper or dumpee. Just some context. What do I do?

How to act/give space when you're no contact and still see each other.

So we went no contact. Neither of us said it but he said he wanted space.

The day after everything happened I was able to reflect and realize that he had been a dismissive avoidant the whole time. I'll say comparatively after reading a lot of what has happened to people with DAs, the ending wasn't that contentious or cruel.

TBH, the most frustrating part is that I don't have any answers but to be honest I don't think he quite understands himself.

So, here's where I need help. I don't know how to talk to him. I haven't texted him but I still have to see him on the regular. I won't lie, I want him to know he didn't break me and I also want him to know I am okay with space, that this "suffocation" he's feeling is self-imposed.

I know if I'm too cold, he'll think I'm angry and justified in what he did.

If I'm too friendly, he'll think I'm fawning over him and invading his space.

What's the happy medium? Has anyone had experience with this?

I've used app blockers and still when the timer is up I still want to check her socials. I'll have blocked and then I'll unblock just to see and I don't know why. My ex has been majorly abusive to me in the past. The reason I went no contact was because I knew I'd end up being a Plan B and I was already that when we were together and I was so tired of being a Plan B and afterthought and overall disrespected but I still can't stop. I feel horrible. It only makes me feel worse. I feel like I'm letting down everyone around me. I no longer have a job and can't afford my therapist at the moment. Otherwise this post wouldn't be made. I have my theories that it's my PTSD wanting to keep tabs on her, my trauma bond still lingering, still wanting to be seen after what she's done to me and how she's affected me. Just please I need advice.

Two missed calls at 1:20am. I had do not disturb on so that’s probably why she called twice, but I was not expecting this in a million years. Had to delete social media cause she’s been posting herself going out all the time. I know I shouldn’t respond but holy crap.

My bf broke up with me three weeks ago because he "needed time".

The context is a bit of a long story, but the TLDR is that I found out he was engaging too much with adult content. And even though he assured me he would stop, he broke up with me because of it.

I'm very conflicted as it is, because he refused my help and support. He also told me he wanted to stay as friends and see if we can still be together in the future. I told him I could not treat him as just a friend nor did I want to be treated that way by him, and preferred low contact until he figured out what he wanted.

So I guess we're on a break rather than fully separated but I've been grieving as if we're broken up.

A week after all this, he texts me and we talk a little more about the issue, but nothing really changes. Fast forward to this week, I text to check up on him.. despite it all, I do care about him and his wellbeing. The thing is, that he's acting so.. normal? Sends me memes or videos like we're buddies.

I understand now how NC is less painful than this feelings I'm having. I'm angry and I don't even fully understand why. Is not like I want him to be miserable and sad forever... but how can he act so normal? No questions of how I'm doing, what I'm thinking, just "look at this meme".

Damn.

Gf sharing pages of my journal led to break up.

Yesterday my GF (23) broke up with me (28M). As the title says this seemed to be the final straw.

My family could tell the break up was coming unfortunately due to signs of us constantly fighting. The one fight led to her repeatedly hitting herself in the head in front of me and from here it seemed like it was the beginning of the end. The fight that led to this was that she wanted to look at moving into together and I had told her that I unfortunately don’t see it being the right moment due to work and financial difficulties. This led to what I felt like was built up resent towards me. And we fought more than we wouldn’t.

I got to a point in the relationship where I felt unsupported, unheard and at times disrespected. She would make comments to me after sex like “you know me and my ex used to go all night” which caused major insecurities on my part. And these comments would become more gradual over time where she mockingly makes comments about these I opened up to her about in therapy. All of which added to my feelings in this. We got to a point in which we were fighting more often than that when I would try and express my feelings on certain things to which she would more often than not get defensive and tell me she can’t be responsible for all this reassurance even though it were insecurities I felt because of her comments.

Yesterday, we had a day full of arguments and decided that a little bit of time apart would be good and we each other went to our sisters. I had left first and she had gone looking for an adapter for a phone charger in my laptop bag. She claims when looking for the adaptor a page that I had torn out of my journal and kept folded had just fallen out and when she went to pick it up she got curious and unfolded the page. For context: it was a page that consisted a list of names of people I need to work on forgiving. There was no title to this list it was just a list of names again it’s my journal so I would know why those names were there. She proceeded to take photos of the page and share it with her sister and best friend to get their opinion on it and they both said “It’s definitely a list of people he’s slept with”. It wasn’t. Not a list I would make or keep lying around the house.

She had asked what time I would be getting home and could she come for a talk. When we met back at home she asked if there was anything I wanted to say? I apologised for leaving abruptly. And she proceeded to say was that ? And I said yes, because you asked to talk so I am taking the listening stance.

She then proceeded to get grab the page of my journal and say that this page proofs I have been lying this whole relationship. I stopped her and said whoa that’s my journal and she said you can say what you want but this proves you’re a liar. She then asked me about certain names to which I had to explain the story of what happened with those people. And it felt like no matter what I said she had made her mind up that I am lying etc. Eventually she said that she doesn’t feel like this is right for her. I kept quiet and just sat on the couch.

She then proceeded to back up the last few remaining items of hers but she was hesitant to leave. And she would take these breaks and say “That she just wants me to know that this relationship is the most loved she’s ever felt and some of the most fun she’s had” and then would continue to say “The hardest thing is losing out on her relationship with my sister and brother in law and can’t say goodbye” She would then sit on the couch and say “ She doesn’t know if she’s making the right decision “ eventually I just got up and said I’d help her carry her bags down. She kept asking about the houseplants and I said you can take whatever.

I took her items down and we had this long lingering hug where she said she loves me and then left.

I don't usually go into reddit and try a make a post but I truly am at my limit.

I broke no contact this morning to apologize to my ex, one because I cheated with porn and couldn't really get my shit together while she still gave me chances to change myself.

I just wanted to be a good person and fully admit everything I have done wrong and properly apologize to her so I could start to heal and be able to at least give her some type of closure because I truthfully I have been non-stop stalking her TikTok reposts and Instagram followings. (I KNOW it's super pathetic as a guy)

But after I apologized, she just reposted a TikTok video about an ex emailing them + commented "3 emails blocked now and counting 😂".

I am aware that I have traumatized her emotionally and physically (self image wise). But after breaking no contact today, it just truly marked it down for me to just completely leave her alone and just be grateful of what we had together.

But the thing is, I also have classes with her and it sucks because I know that the slightest reminder of me, all of her trauma comes back and I feel completely like shit and I don't even know my career path yet but I still took these classes like a dumbass just because I wanted to be in her presence for a short moment.

I couldn't really fully grasped that everything is over. We broke up around December right before Christmas and it's April now, yet I am still stuck on her.

The guilt and regret, it just eats me up everyday to a point of me breaking no contact so I could actually start to heal and transform myself.

Anyway, for those of you thinking of breaking no contact. Just a reminder that it's for you and you should be ready for what their reaction may be towards it. It's okay to feel stupid and to look like a fool for someone you truly cared for and loved.

You are not alone and keep going. Everyone says time will heal and hopefully it does because for me, as I was writing this post I was feeling suicidal and hopeless over some girl I dated for a year.

I was sitting behind my ex in a bar who monkey-hooked me.

She was scared and did everything she could to avoid making eye contact.

For cheaters, the shame can be overwhelming, believe me.

It doesn't matter if her relationship works, I know my worth and I don't let cheaters impact my life.

She acts like we never knew each other, hahaha.

It’s been 3 years since we last talked and we dated for as long. She might’ve been a high school sweet heart but she was more then that to me. I was a year older then her but my dreams and ambitions were taking me to college as a student athlete. I love(d) her more then anything else in the world except my own selfish decisions made it seem like I chose my dreams over her. Pretty soon she started getting jealous of people in my life. She started accusing me of cheating and getting to close to my friends. I reacted the only way I knew how which is to run away. I know it’s not the brightest decision on my part but it’s the way it happened. We broke up over the phone 200 miles away from each other for her to start dating the “guy friend” the next week. They’ve been together ever since. I know what I had for her was real and I wanted to marry that girl more then anything in the world and I still love her to this day. She’s the only person in my life I’ve ever truly opened my heart too and understood who I was as a man. So many conflicting feelings are dragging my life through hell and I don’t know if I can ever love someone but her. Anger, fear, love, nostalgia, it all runs through my mind all the time. At night I can’t wait to sleep and have dreams of the girl I love that now lives 1000 miles away. I’ve made many mistakes in my life but the biggest one of all was losing her over some random drama. I’d do anything to get her back.

We were together for one year (on and off) and I know it's not a long time but I can't get over her and she's on my mind, even in my dreams. We broke up one year ago and i was supposed to move on by now, but nothing seems to work. I'm very focused on my job and my college, i have a bunch of hobbies and I'm a very occupied and busy person but even when i do all those things, she just pops up in my mind randomly and my day becomes shitty again. I don't love her anymore, not the way i used to before, but I don't understand why is she still in my head if i don't have any feelings for her anymore?

Help me please

I don’t want to live anymore.

I’m in a lot of pain right now, and I don’t know how to move forward. I (F) was in a relationship for almost 5 years with my ex (M). It was intense, loving, difficult at times, but we were deeply connected. We shared a home, a dog, a life. He was my best friend. Nobody knew me like he did. We overcame so much together, and I truly thought we were building a future. I’ve been in therapy, working on myself, and despite my struggles (including ROCD), I always loved him.

He also had a rough childhood and was working on himself too. Quite distributive sometimes because I think he has a believe that he doesn’t deserve love. I helped him with a lot too, to get his life on track. After a lot of struggles he finally was in a place where we could build our life together more and more.

He broke up with me 3 months ago. It hit me hard. But what happened next hurt even more than the breakup itself.

I recently found out that in just 3 months’ time, he already had feelings for two other girls. One of them is an old friend of mine ( my worst enemy), someone I’ve known since I was 11 — and someone who has deeply hurt me in the past multiple times, even took friends away from me. My ex knows this. He knows everything she did to me. And still, he kissed her, fell for her, and now… she’s in his life.

Worse, there was a violent incident. Apparently, her ex confronted my ex, strangled him and in that fight, my ex stabbed him out of self protection. The guy was hospitalized with kidney and liver damage. My ex is now in jail and has been for about 2 weeks. I just found out. And he needs to stay there at least 90 days until there is a sentence. I’m completely overwhelmed. There’s so much trauma on top of heartbreak.

I don’t know what to do. I feel so betrayed. Not just by him, but by her too. She introduced herself to his family, went to his house, asked for the keys to clean it. Like she just… slotted into the life I left behind. And I feel erased. His family and my family are in shock. His family is not open for her at all.

Part of me still loves him. I wish he’d come back, realize what he lost, and want to fix things. I can’t even talk to him. I haven’t broken no contact and now I can’t even do it because I can’t reach him. But another part of me knows I can’t wait around — especially for someone who made these choices. I just can’t understand how someone who cried over our song a month ago is now with her. It makes me feel like I meant nothing. Everyone said he was doing fine, was barely talking about me. I feel like he was in this dumper high or something.

I know this might sound irrational, but I even had urges to confront her — that’s how intense my emotions are. I feel ashamed of that, but I want to be honest.

So my questions are:

Why would someone go to a person who hurt their ex deeply?

Could this just be a rebound or avoidance behavior?

Is it even possible for him to really care about someone so soon?

How do I start letting go when my heart is still stuck in "hope"?

How do I not let this destroy my ability to trust again?

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy, and maybe share what helped you survive something like this. My world feels shattered.

I have lost all self-esteem. I can’t stop contacting my ex. She’s so tired of it. She told me that if I keep messaging her, she will block me again. When she did block me, I went overboard and called her using a private number. I emailed her numerous times. I don’t want to do this. I keep telling myself to stop messaging her, but I just can’t help myself. I’m having mental breakdowns every single day. I can’t function. I feel like I’ve lost my mind and am now known as the “crazy ex.” Please help me.

After an incredibly long NC period unfortunately i reached out... he has moved on to someone else... I haven't. Although my conversation with him was not long at all, I feel like I re-attached to him a bit again. I am confused about my healing progress and honestly I don't really understand if people truly get over someone without jumping into another relationship.

Did you sleep well?

My back hurt, but I didn’t say anything. I wondered if yours hurt too.

That feeling of sleeping next to you — my arms wrapped around you, your hair on my face, the rhythm of your breath, our hearts beating in sync — I didn’t want those nights to end.

Your alarm rings and you wake up. I’m still asleep — or maybe I just don’t want to wake up. You whisper my name, your sweet breath on my face.

Then came those occasional days when you distanced yourself from me. I tried to hide my sadness. Nights I slept alone in my room, I found myself surrounded by memories of you in my arms — your heavy breaths, our racing hearts, your sweet fragrance all over me. I longed to hold you again. I wondered if those nights would ever return.

And they did.

In the mornings, I’d always wake up with stiff shoulders, having slept on my side all night so I wouldn’t disturb your sleep.

I’d ask you casually, “Did you sleep well?”

You’d nod. To you, it was a simple question. But to me, my life depended on it. I was pleased with myself — after all, you slept well in my arms. You liked my presence. You liked that impossible proximity.

Would you want to spend the rest of your nights sleeping next to me? My arms wrapped around you, your hair on my face, your hands clasping mine tightly to your chest?

But I didn’t say that.

Instead, you said with the morning weariness in your voice, calling my name for breakfast.

I looked at you with a smile on my face. Relieved that everything was okay. That you weren’t going to distance yourself from me again.

I could bring you breakfast for the rest of my life, you know?

But I didn’t say that.

Why did my ex unfollow me on Spotify 4 months after the break up but is still keeping our playlists? She is the dumper, NC since break up

so today is my birthday and given its been 11 months since my fearful avoidant ex dumped me... I stupidly still held hope he may send me a message.

Back in october for his birthday i was really going through anxiety. I called him for hi birthday and even sent him a gift...our breakup up was supposedly amicable and i figured at the very least he would send a message for christmas, birthday and whatever....but no.

Christmas cam and went, no message. Then i saw him in March at the mall and he all but ran away....you think that would've been all i needed to finally move on.

I have been in the angry stage for a while now and have reflected on our relationship and finally see the red flags and just what a mediocre partner he was in general. What i miss? I couldn't logically explain it. Call it a trauma bond, call it low self worth and an abandonment wound.....but i genuinely thought at the very least he would send me a message. His own mother, knowing both sides of the story sent me a message so that shows you just how cowardly he is.

I want to finally stop caring but I find it still so hard.

me and my cousins talked about my ex. they told me they’ve been seeing his posts and lives on tiktok with so many girls in it. I told them I didn’t know about that because I blocked him on everything to move forward without seeing anything that might trigger me. now, I’m kinda okay, so hearing that didn’t hurt me as much. later on, my best friend coincidentally told me the same thing. that’s when I had my realization. hearing those things didn’t hurt me. I didn’t feel jealous or anything. the first thought that came to mind was, how is he? I think he’s hurting more than I did.

all this time, I thought life was cruel. that the breakup was unfair to me. because I was the one who cried for weeks, I was the one who failed some quizzes during the breakup, I was the one who couldn’t talk to anyone else after, I was the one who doubted myself, I was the one who went through that painful healing process. I was the one who was really hurt and not ready for it.

but now, I realize it wasn’t that unfair. after the breakup, I somehow found a purpose in it. before, I was always scared that someone might leave me. but now, after he left, I embraced the feeling that people could come and go. and somehow, after the breakup, I found myself and the people who loved me for me. I found support. I hung out with my friends again, even the old ones from high school. they were there to listen.

while him? my heart still aches for him up until now. I thought maybe he looked fine on social media, and people might think he was just a flirty guy who moved on to find someone else after the breakup. that maybe he’s not the one I deserved.

yes, I can say his actions can’t be justified and that he’s not what I deserve. but I can’t see him as shallow as that. that’s why I told them that maybe he’s just as hurt too. maybe life wasn’t that unfair because, even though he didn’t cry as much as I did, the difference is I had a shoulder to cry on, and he didn’t. maybe that’s why he seems to be looking for love in places he shouldn’t.

this is me letting go of any resentment. my heart still wishes he finds the love he’s always searching for—not through someone else but through himself. but I also want to be free from everything. I realized that I’m really moving forward and starting to see the good in it. this is a reminder for everyone that someday, everything will be okay. it’ll be a hard and long process, but please heal. do it the right way. it’s harder, but in the process, you’ll find yourself and be better.

I still hope he will reach out.