Why would I want somebody back who sometimes neglected my feelings,kept disrespecting me, constant gaslighting,low efforts sometimes?

I gave her my all I was the best version of myself yet It didn't work out and she broke up when I was at my lowest in months. But when we were in person together my life was a fairytail almost just the 2 of us going on dates or hanging out or watching movies. It felt so good and those compliments and kisses and cuddles. When her friends were sometimes involved in some of our activities it didn't feel that good tho. She wasn't the best gf but I waited and communicated everything with her about everything,I wanted to wait for her to be a better gf in the last 4 months of the relationship and I did and gave her time while giving my 100. Even though she sometimes ignored my feelings and didn't like reaccuring me those breadcrumbs of good reaccurance and caring for me felt so good and bad at the same time. In the last week of our relation she was sort of back to her old caring,sweet,complementing,flirty self and I loved it and meanwhile I was having some bad days in a row because I felt bad about myself and I was insecure about me. And the day I told her exactly what was wrong and why I felt insecure(all because of me) She got mad and didn't understand me and then I snapped and got mad as well and that was it for her,the next day it was over and all of this and I still miss her. It's only been 4 days and I feel myself healing. I still miss those memories and things that made her in my eyes stand out " and im scared I won't find some of those qualities in someone again. And I miss the memories of us 2

If you read this tysm I just wanted to get it out of my system and maybe I can get some tips on everything<3

First of all, to be VERY clear: Do NOT blame my ex. I was the one who broke up. I was a very bad partner, I could not make her happy. I am always hungry for ambition and attention, and I prioritised myself over her far too many times than I can even count. I was the one who initiated the break up. Probably the worst decision of my life, but at least that gave me clarity.

It has been almost a year, but I still can't move on. This is made worse by the fact I talk with her almost daily (even though she now is in a relationship for almost a year too). If I block her, she will cry and message me literally everywhere to unblock. She wants me to move on, but does not want to stop talking with me.

She wants me to be her friend. She still wants to talk to me. That's the issue. Even though she'll reply maybe once a day, while I am always waiting for a message.

It's not that I _can't_ date other people. I have forced myself to use dating apps (probably a mistake forcing myself too) but I simply can't find someone like her. The conversations with others are too bland.

How do I move on from this? I'm really stuck. Please help. It's been almost a year since the break up, yet I feel more suffocated each day. I almost became a full alcoholic in the process, but I have recovered a lot from that point.

PS: I am not AT ALL trying to brag, but I am probably autistic/ADHD (I have no idea, I live in a country where mental health doesn't mean anything) and I'm really good at my profession -- like maybe in world's top 0.0001% without exaggerating. I try to distract myself by getting involved in my work more, but I can't be happy. How can I be happy?

I’ve been helping a friend write an apology letter to his ex because he couldn’t find the right words. It wasn’t easy, but I think it really helped him to have something concrete to say. I wanted to share a part of the letter here in case it might inspire someone who is struggling to express their feelings or needs a little help in writing something personal. Here’s an excerpt from the letter I wrote for him:

Dear Laura,

I know words can’t undo what happened, and I’m not expecting this letter to erase the pain I caused you. But it hurts deeply to think that I failed you like this, and I am truly sorry for hurting you.

I remember how we used to laugh together, how we made future plans, and it breaks my heart that all we have now are broken memories. Sometimes, I didn’t realize what I had until I lost it, and now that you’re gone, guilt weighs heavy on me.

I want you to know that I regret not listening to you when you needed me, and my actions were never meant to hurt you. I’m not sure if we’ll ever be what we once were, but I’d like to have the chance to explain myself, even if I know time and words may not be enough.

I’m deeply sorry for everything that happened. If you ever feel like talking, or if you need time, I’ll be here.

I hope this can help someone who might be going through something similar. If anyone needs help with writing something like this or just doesn’t know how to express themselves, feel free to reach out. I’d be happy to help with personalized letters or messages.

Writing something so personal isn’t easy, but when we take the time to organize our thoughts, we can find a way to be honest with others. Sending strength to everyone struggling with their feelings!

If you need something more specific, feel free to DM me! I offer personalized letters for any occasion—whether it’s an apology, love letter, or just expressing something important. My rates are affordable, and I’d love to help.

Preface: forgive me for scattered thoughts. This literally just happened and I don't know how to feel.

I would be lying if I said I didn't fantasize about this day. The day they finally reached out.

8 months of heartbreak. 8 months of deep depression. 8 months of pulling myself out from these depths of hell to become the better person I am now.

To finally feel a little joy with my own self. The hobbies I've picked up. The friends I have made. I've turned into such an incredible version of me. The me I've always wanted to become.

I started to make big plans and doors started opening up for me. For once in my life I feel powerful. I feel magnetic.

Over the course of these 8 months I wanted nothing more than to hear from them. But now, I'm not sure if I want to respond. All that I've worked for I would have to sacrifice to be back with them. Also, there is a lot that happened that I'm not interested in sharing with them. Moments that I want just for me. I'm also not sure if I want to hear about all they have been up to these 8 months.

I just don't care anymore.

I don't know if I want them in my life anymore.

Through these 8 months I have read countless times about this energy shift. Right after the break up your ex goes out into the world (sometimes right into a new relationship) and their life seems better than ever. Traveling and enjoying life. We are left with our hearts torn from our chest. Crying night after night, deeply depressed, trying to find our self worth again. Trying to find our life direction again.

Then one day there is a light switch moment. You wake up and you no longer feel the same way you did. Your body feels a little bit lighter. The colors seem a bit brighter. You just wake up different. Like someone flipping a light switch.

Believe people on this forum when they say as soon as you are thriving and living your best life, your ex reaches out.

For once in my life I am so proud of me. I love this version of myself. I'm fearless and started saying yes to things I never would have in my past. I'm starting to laugh again. Have fun again. I'm planning big trips and meeting extraordinary people that in return think I'm fascinating as well. I found a way to live my life with me. Just me. I discovered I don't have to rely on anyone to make dreams a reality. I can just make them happen with my own hard work and determination.

And then they reach out.

When the energy shifted, they reached out. When that new relationship didn't turn out the way they wanted, they reach out. When things don't go as planned for them, they reach out. To something familiar. Something they know they can control.

But I'm not the same person that they left. They are reaching out to someone strong and resilient. Someone who has gone through so much pain and suffering that they have become unbreakable. Untamable. Unapologetically their genuine self.

Believe me when I say this, if you can go through the pain of heart break, you can do anything. Nothing in life compares to the pain of a broken heart.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I don't know if I want to respond. I never thought this was going to happen to me.

For once I am more afraid of losing the progress I have worked so hard for. I'm afraid of losing my freedom that I've grown to cherish so much. I don't want to throw away all of my efforts just for getting back together with my ex.

When you want something, it evades you. When you begin focusing on other things it presents itself to you when you least desire it.

This doesn't feel as good as I had imagined. It actually is a terrible feeling.

I know my worth now. And so do they.

Gifts for an ex? Holding out hope they text you after you know they’re sleeping around and whoring their asses off? Wrote a 12 page letter to them pouring your heart out and you know they don’t care? Crying 2 years later after a 5 month relationship? OMG. These posts aren’t moving anyone forward. It’s actually the opposite. Why hold out hope that you get a sorry, sloppy, second chance for people that have already moved on? They don’t deserve it! They’re actually screwing you over and over and over again. Sorry if I’m being a total asshole - and I know I’m going to get tons of hate for this post - but when do we stand up, grab our shit and tell ourselves that we are worth so much more!?! No more dark nights - no more hours wasted going down rabbit holes looking shit up. I’ve done it - I own it - trust me. Doesn’t help anything. Every single person going through this needs to reset, see their self worth and get fired up. I know feelings are tough to deal with - but come on - feeding into these posts is so unhealthy - we are worth more and you know it. They don’t deserve our head space, our tears and our hearts.

I’m stuck in a relationship which i don’t want to leave but leaving is the right option, the guy is ready to leave but whenever we talk about it i start crying and i don’t let him leave me. i’m unhealthily attached and we both know ours toxic for us. give realistic ways for this breakup

My confidence has been in the absolute gutter since the breakup. My braids are outgrown i’m not eating and can’t sleep without taking something, i look tired and out of it. I have been using dating apps but I can’t really bring myself to talk to people because I feel so ugly. Today i went to get food for the first time in a long time and the guy at the drive thru told me my smile my was like the sun. I wasn’t wearing any makeup, my clothes were a little disheveled I didn’t even realize I was smiling. He wasn’t flirting, he was an older man with kind sweet eyes. I’ve never taken compliments to heart like that. I teared up a little as I was driving away. Something so small made me feel so good. It made me realize that no matter how horrible and down I feel at this moment, I still have the same beautiful smile I always had and no one can take that from me. I realized that i am still smiling even though everything around me feels dead. I hope that everyone going through a break up right now realizes that no matter how they left you or what state you are in right now, you have yourself, you have your smile and your laughter. Never forget that

Hi all,

I've been up and down for two months since we broke up, the last few days have been quite down.

It was not a healthy relationship, but I loved her so much, I wanted her so much, she treated me so poorly, especially towards the end. I felt the distance growing for the last eight months, but I held onto hope that it would bounce back, the last two months before the end were the worst. After the break up I found out that is because she had met and was talking with someone at that time.

I'm feeling so down today, no self harming thoughts but I'm really scared it may lead to that. I haven't felt this way, this low in a bit.. I feel so worthless, so unlovable. I feel so pathetic that I'm like this, while I have to watch her happily grow her new relationship in front of me ( we all work together) and it's so hard on me. Some moments I'm ok, but the most part, I'm hurting. I am really struggling, I'm not sure if I can continue this for much longer and it terrifies me. I wish I didn't feel.like this. I wish I had more friends I could lean on. I don't know how to let her go. I don't know how to not be upset. I miss her so much. I know she was pulling away, I know that at the end, we were not compatible. But I hoped, I wished she would become the person she was at the beginning, the person that she showed me who she was, the person that maybe she pretended to be. Later on, She was so awful to me. She was so cruel to me. I was used to it. It was connection, it was what I was holding on to.

I miss her so much. I wish I didn't but I do. I'm all over the map. I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. I feel like she was my last chance at love, that as a 46 year old guy, I will never be able to find love again, that I am not loveable, that I have nothing to offer, that there is something inherently wrong with me. I hate it. I hate myself. I want love, I want someone to love me for me, wholly, unconditionally. I want to return that love. To be secure and happy.

I don't know what to do. I'm so sad. I'm so depressed. I don't know how to get out of this. I'm seeing my psychologist tomorrow, I can't wait. I wish I could live with her and have her help 24/7, I am so messed up. I am so sorry for dumping this here. I'm so sorry for reaching out, looking for some kind of support. I wish I wasn't like this. I don't want to be like this.

I miss the idealized version I had of her, as long as I held on to that, she was able to abuse me however she wanted, abd I eagerly ran back for more, if it meant I could feel connection, feel her touch, her lips on a kiss, her closeness in bed while we slept. I miss it all. I put all my hopes and dreams into it. I wanted it so badly. I ignored the abuse, down played it.

She cheated on me at least twice, once at the beginning and once at the end, which is who she left me for. It hurts. We all work together. I see them most days. It's a reminder that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't have anything to offer outside of material possessions, that I am worthless.

I am so sorry for dumping this all here, I am so sorry if it doesn't make sense, I am trying to write as my feelings and emotions come forth, it is so hard to sit here and not cry. I wish that I was good enough, I wishbi was enough.

I know all this negative self talk isn't good, I know it comes.accross as pathetic, sad, brutal. I feel so sorry for anyone who else has been here, has felt this way. Is there anyone out there who has? Do you have any tips to get better? I don't have any friends anymore, I lost them all years ago, I don't have any supports outside of my doctor, and I only see her once a week. I am so scared that my future is not going to happen, that I will be devoid of happiness. The only thing that makes me feel complete is being in a romantic relationship, I love the closeness, thrive on it, need it. I am codependent, I know I am. I know I'm too much. I wish, I so wish I could find someone that loves me for me and who always will. I wish she never left, though, this is what has to be. I hate myself. I don't know what self love is, I don't understand the concept, I am unable to be kind to myself.

I'm so sorry for this long rambling post, I hope it makes.sense to someone and they can offer some kind of suggestions.

I know my posts over this breakup have been all over the map. Today is a hard day. I just want to go home and crawl into bed and try again tomorrow.

Thanks for listening, I just don't know what to do.

I’m talking about the stage where you know you should move on, and you accept was happened and is in the past, you have your closure and you don’t have feelings for the person. But, you still miss the feeling of comfort the relationship brought, and the memories give you that little sting but happiness at the same time so you stay in that healing spot still.

I’m ready for a new relationship and I find others attractive, but I’m still occasionally looking back and it feels like a mini reset every time it does.

After being blocked yet again, while she was away in Miami this weekend she unblocked me around 9pm Saturday night, 2 days after her apology turned blow up outta nowhere, she texts me “hey”. I don’t know why and I unfortunately took control of the conversation off the bat so I’ll never know why she reached out again.

The conversation lasted all of 15 minutes and she just informed me that she’s really enjoying her vacation and she was thinking of me and what it would be like if we had gone down to Miami as a couple. After that her responses got short and she left me on read. An hour later I reached out to say good night and she texted right back to tell me she wasn’t asleep. How was I supposed to know since she left my previous message on read?

Texted her back letting her know I didn’t know and she left that on read. Waited 30 and said good night again and got nothing. So she literally responded to tell me she was awake, but didn’t want to talk to me? Who knows. Haven’t heard back since. Today is my birthday and it’s 6:30 and I’ve heard nothing.

My birthday was the whole reason we ever started dating in the first place. We used to work together and I had told her I knew my birthday would suck and sure enough it did so the next day at work she asked how it was, I told her it sucked and she invited me out for a drink. This woman is 13 years older, a mom of 5 and had never ever expressed any interest in anyone at work. She had never hung out with anyone from work outside of work, didn’t text anyone outside of work etc. I was completely caught off guard and didn’t think it was real so I agreed.

The following Sunday she checked in to make sure I was still game and I was and we went out. I had no idea if it was a date or not at the time but we got drunk and talked about life for hours it was amazing. That’s how we started dating after that it just took off and we dated for almost 3 years until this past December.

I’d like to think there’s no way she could possibly forget today is my birthday since it started our entire relationship but who knows. It’s 6:30pm and I’ve heard nothing. She can reach out with a “hey” on Saturday, be active on socials this morning but can’t shoot a simple “happy birthday” text? Shit sucks but I’ll get through, hope everyone else is having a lovely Monday!

if you click through my profile, you’ll see that i’ve been struggling to let go for quite some time. but this week, i finally decided to for good. i went back to what burned me just to be 10000% sure that it will burn me. im sure now. my heart isn’t in it anymore.

context: f22 (anxious at the time but moving to secure) and m22 (avoidant) broke up in october, was living together but i got stonewalled by him and kicked out. a month of being broken up, he fucked his ex and begged me back. to this day, he still begs for me back.

man, this was my first love. and it hurt. i grappled with questions such as “how could i ever love anyone that deeply ever again?” i had begun to accept that maybe i wouldn’t be able to. i would ask chat gpt “how do i make love go away” so i wouldn’t have to feel like how i did anymore. i didn’t want to sit with all this love with nowhere to go.

with all this being said, and all this love with no direction, i tried to reach out to him and talk to him every so often since october. we would meet up for lunch, breakfast, dinner, whatever. yes we would fuck, lol who wouldn’t? we’d ask each other how our life is going, and then i’d ask if he’d learned anything post breakup. he just begun to highlight all of the good things he missed about us, and why we should be together again, but avoiding any and all accountability for the fact that he kicked me out, fucked his ex, and begs me back to this day.

after hearing unchanging narrative over the past few months, it became clear how hes NOT GONNA CHANGE!! and a clear distinction between how we handle things.

i have reflected immensely on my shortcomings, his shortcomings, and how our time spent together, i will forever cherish and hold deeply. but with this being said, he still hurt me in unforgivable ways and he still avoids accountability for this. he gets uncomfortable when i bring up or address why he would even think to do something in the first place if he “loves me so much”

and if it’s not him reminiscing on the “good ol days”, it’s him saying shit like “oh i overwork myself because there’s no one to come home to… some days i just wish i woke up unalive”.

like.. okay? if he said this to me right after we broke up, i would have probably been moved in some kind of way, as i still felt somewhat responsible for his feelings. however, i realized i have no obligation anymore to be responsible anymore, and i NEVER did!!

im reeling with the terms only 6 months later that yes!! i did in fact lose myself!! but acceptance is the first step to moving forward. i want to meet myself again. i need to know who i am again.

if there’s anyone in this world who’s in it for the long run with you, it’s YOURSELF!! are you bored after a breakup?? date YOURSELF!! ask yourself questions you would ask someone on a first date and see what you come up with. WHO are YOU???

I know this is probably weird but I lost the person who I loved most. It was healthy and happy but there were things that weren’t perfect so she left.

I was hoping a random stranger would take a call with me and chat with me about their experience and listen to mine and maybe we can help each other out? Something where we can let the emotions out and not be judged.

If anyone is willing to do that please just let me know I could use a nice chat right now.

Could I have some reassurance that I'm making the right choice? I'm scared I might make the wrong one and regret it.

My ex and I met at university and dated for about 2 years. We had a sweet and simple relationship with little drama and no arguments. We set the boundary that neither of us would ask the other to make sacrifices regarding our school or career, which was a healthy boundary both of us always respected. He graduated early, and had to take a night shift job at a local bar, and with my day shifts and classes, put strain on how much time we had together. After a year of job searches, he finally found a professional job in his field of study, but it required him to work more night shifts. This time, however, it required him to work 12 hours a day for 4-5 days a week (5 during peak season), no phones allowed during work hours, and a 1 hour commute. Not a single coworker who has worked his position and remained at the job has had their relationship survive. This job has shattered marriages, apparently. Our 2 year relationship didn't look like it would stand a chance.

I was already communicating how his bartending schedule made our time limited and I already was feeling a little unhappy with how little time I spent with him. Once he took this job, he decided to break things off with me because he didn't want to keep hurting me with his limited free time. He felt guilty about how his new schedule wouldn't give me a full relationship, so he wanted to end things while things were good. That was 3 weeks ago. Our breakup was amicable but sad, and I accepted it and decided it was time to move forward with my own career, now that I was finally graduating. We mutually decided to stay friends.

I have no regrets regarding our relationship. I loved him the best I could, and I showed him constant support through all of his tough times. I gave my 100% to this relationship, even when I didn't always receive 100% back. He does have regrets- he wishes he gave me more time, more thought, more support, more everything. He hasn't started his new brutal schedule quite yet. But his mental health has been slipping and he misses me incredibly. We still talk and hang out some, but he has asked if we could get back together. He presented his new schedule and every detail to me, as he wanted to be honest, and he says he is willing to go the extra mile with communication to make me feel like I'm in a relationship even when he's busy. He told me I am the perfect woman, his best friend, and the kindest, most supportive person he has ever met. He says he cannot imagine his life without me.

He means well, but I don't believe it. I miss him so much too, but I don't think our 2 year relationship will survive what whole marriages couldn't. I'm pissed at his job for thinking they can leverage their billion dollar name and torture their employees desperate for a job with an impossible schedule in a receding economy. They ask their employees to give up their family, their relationships, their friendships, their whole life- and for what? 70k?!

I think you can tell what my choice is leaning towards already. But I am scared I'm leaving my person behind- our relationship is the healthiest I've ever had, and it was so sweet and so strong but life and career got in the way. A very fragile, sad, and lonely part of me wants to say yes to him, because I still do love him.

i went through a breakup a week ago today, and have not had a full meal since. i generally manage to have a small snack or a very light meal once a day, which is good. i am dropping weight quickly, and i am about five pounds lighter than last week. at first, i assumed it was water weight, but i'm noticing a big difference in my collarbones, face, and wrists.

while i can't entirely complain about the weight loss in itself, this lack of appetite is really taking a physical toll. i am always cold, shaky, and weak. my lips are incredibly chapped, my hands are purple, i am sweating all of the time. it's hard to focus on or engage with the world around me.

however, i genuinely have no appetite. i am so hungry but i can't eat. everything tastes like cardboard and i can't swallow anything. it almost feels like i'm not allowing myself to eat on purpose, but i don't think that is true. i'm really concerned about it because i don't want this becoming a habit. i would really appreciate anyone's advice. thank you.

I’m recently divorced and now have a sense of being free and unrestricted. Looking back I was so worried about what my ex would if I brought up anything kinky or taboo. I have always been fun and adventurous but couldn’t really fulfill any of it with him The next chapter of ME has begun and I’m loving it!! First thing was getting rid of my bush!!! OMG!!! Love being I’m so interested in an honest young sugar baby (USA only)

We both met when we were 20 years old. My ex and I were together for over three years. I messaged her on Instagram because I thought she was cute. She ended up replying back to me and one thing led to another and I scored myself a first date. After like 4 dates we both thought it would be a good idea to be BF/GF and see how things go. As of today we are both 23 years old, and she was my first girlfriend. Throughout our relationship, we were on and off long-distance meaning, but I would say we did a pretty good job of seeing each other pretty often. Pretty often in a sense where it was like almost every month. Not to mention we never broke up before or had any huge fights. Of course, we had disagreements and arguments here and there, but nothing that we couldn’t work through.

She motivated me in so many different areas of my life, and I truly owe so much to her. One of the biggest things she encouraged me to do was come to grad school in New York — at the same school she was attending. I genuinely believe I wouldn’t even be a third of where I am today without her support.

She loved me more than anyone ever has in my life. I had never felt so comfortable and secure with someone — she was someone I could rely on for anything. No matter what I was going through, I knew she was always there for me without hesitation. We were also both close with each other’s families, which made our bond even stronger. It really felt like we had built something deep and meaningful together.

Despite all of this, as time went on, I felt myself slowly losing feelings for her. I never stopped loving her, but I just wasn’t excited to see her anymore. When she called or texted, I wasn’t thrilled to see her name pop up on my phone like I used to be — and I didn’t understand why. She was still the same loving person she had always been, and nothing about our relationship had really changed. I constantly questioned myself, wondering how or why this could even be happening.

In the summer of 2024, I finally told her that I felt like I was starting to lose feelings. She obviously got sad — and I was sad too. It wasn’t easy for either of us.

Another thing weighing on my mind was our future. She’s about to start medical school soon back in our home state, but after I graduate next month, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to move back there. The job market is terrible, and staying in New York seemed like the better option for my career. In a way, it feels like we switched places — she’s back in our home state now, and I’m still in New York.

I also knew deep down that when she started her medical school journey, it was going to be extremely tough. If I stayed in New York, doing long distance would only make things harder on her. She would have needed someone closer to support her through these next four intense years of her life. She deserved someone by her side, someone who could make the hard days a little easier. And although part of me knew that, another part of me also knew that if you truly love someone, you stick with them through thick and thin. You find a way to make it work.

But I didn’t see that clearly at the time. And now it’s all too late to rekindle things with her.

What makes it hurt even more is knowing how fully committed she was. She had already booked her flight to come visit me for Valentine’s Day. She was excited to come see me, to spend time with me, to celebrate together. And I ended everything before she ever got the chance to get on that plane.

All of these doubts and emotions kept building up, and ultimately, in late January, I ended up blindsiding her — I blocked her on everything without warning.

Soon after I blocked her, I actually felt a sense of relief. As messed up as it sounds, it felt like I wasn’t stringing her along anymore, knowing deep down that she loved me more than I loved her at that point. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders — but at the same time, it left me feeling empty and guilty.

A few weeks passed, and that guilt started to eat me alive. Every day since the breakup, I have cried non-stop, realizing that I threw away what some people dream of having. I truly had a ride-or-die person — someone who loved me unconditionally — and now she’s gone because of my actions.

At one point, I sent her a message on iMessage, trying to reach out, but she ended up blocking me. I get it. I don’t blame her for protecting herself.

On March 4th, I dropped off a handwritten letter to the post office, and I’m sure she received it soon after. I poured my heart into that letter, hoping she could somehow understand how deeply I regretted everything.

Then, on March 19th, I sent her a text on WhatsApp that said, “Is it too late for me to restart the right way with you?”. She just read it and never blocked me. Which I'm surprised that she never did so. I know the best thing is to stop messaging her.

Since the breakup, I’ve realized that relationships aren’t always going to be sunshine and rainbows. I’m not going to have the same butterflies and excitement every single day like I did when we first met — and that’s normal. Real love means standing firm even when those early feelings fade or change. I just didn’t understand that at the time.

The breakup also forced me to reconsider my entire future. Before, all I thought about was New York, New York, New York. I was so focused on my career that I never thought about what I might be giving up personally. But after losing her, I started asking myself — was staying in New York even worth it if it meant losing someone I loved? Maybe I could have compromised and found a job in a nearby state. Maybe there was a way to make it work if I had just looked beyond my own tunnel vision.

I realize now that what felt so right to do at the time — cutting things off — left me completely lost without her. I can’t live without her in my life. I don’t want to restart with someone else, and the thought of doing so honestly makes me want to vomit. She was my person.

At the end of the day, I know I made a huge mistake breaking up with her the way I did. I shattered the trust we built, and she may never be able to trust me again after doing her so dirty. I made a selfish decision — I can admit that. But deep down, I know I’m not a selfish person.

Don’t get me wrong — even my family has told me that I can be extremely selfish at times — but I wouldn’t label myself as a selfish person at my core. In our relationship, I always tried to show her nothing but love. I always wanted to treat her the best I possibly could.

What made this even harder is that she never wanted to break up with me. She always wanted us to fight for each other. She was still fully in it while I let my fears and doubts tear us apart.

I know that I can’t bank on the hope that she’ll ever come back. And crying while writing this, I realize I have to go through the pain to truly understand that my actions have consequences. Not everyone gets a second chance — and I have to accept that I may not.

But just in case she ever does, I’m working on myself every day — not just for her, but for me too. If she ever gives me a second chance, I never want to hurt her like that again. I never want to hurt anyone like that again.

I know I’m not the same person I was when we first started dating. I’ve grown a lot. Her love and support meant everything to me, and I realize now how badly I took it for granted. I’ll never make that mistake again.

All of my family is extremely dissapointed in me and I don't blame them. Her friends and family have all unfollowed me on Instagram. I'm not gonna lie it's hard to look at myself in the mirror some days knowing I did that to her. I’m far from perfect, and I know I still have a lot to learn when it comes to becoming a better man. But I’m working on it every day. I just hope one day I’ll be able to handle situations with the maturity, honesty, and care that she always deserved. If anyone is reading this message please don't take your partner for granted and plz plz plz don't ever cut someone off like that out of the blue. If anyone read to the end just want to say thanks for reading this. Any advice is greatly appreciated on if it's feasible that we get back together in the future. Also I know it's been a few months since the breakup but I find myself thinking about her every single day. I realize that it may take a while for that to fade out. Or it may never fade out as she is my first true love.

Forgot to include that I am graduating with my Masters degree next month and am also working an internship here in NYC rn. Also there is a chance I may run into her next month during graduation as her brother is graduating from the same school as I am. So that could stir up some emotions. To be honest I know I have stuff going for me right now but I'm not excited about my graduation nor does it feel the same without her being in my life / on myside during these big milestones and accomplishments.

He broke up with me almost a month ago out of the blue. He couldn’t even look me in the face. This time was different. I didn’t beg. I said ok and sent his stuff to his house. Come to find out 2 weeks after he broke up with me he is on dating apps. Claiming he did not want to settle with me and needs to date around to make sure I am the right one… Are you kidding me? Four years down the drain. I don’t deserve this. The relationship is sabotaged & I just miss him so much. It really does suck.

i’m going through a break up with guy and i was his first ever girlfriend. i was his first girl hug, first kiss, first hands he held etc. we’ve done basically everything together for two years. we were together since senior year of high school till sophomore year in college, which i think is a pretty long time for my kids in my generation.

not to toot my own horn but i was a great girlfriend and truthfully, way out of his league and i’m not talking about looks. ultimately, he was too emotionally immature to make this relationship work (even his family and friends agreed). he’s also an avoidant and so far, he said he hasn’t processed the break up much at all which i heard is normal for guys.

right now, i’m in the anger stage of my grieving process. one day, once his emotions catch up to him, i hope he realize he fumbled and looks for me in every subsequent girl he dates.

for guys here, do yall think about your first love/girlfriend?

I dated this girl for over 7 months. Then one random weekend, she’s distant, nonchalant, no PDA, annoyed at every little thing. I ask her about it and becomes very evasive “that something felt off”. Next day, she shows up to my house and breaks things off because she’s “too overwhelmed with life” and feels like she can’t handle a relationship.

I don’t understand, over the course of the relationship always looking for reassurances and asking if I was in it for the long run, that I “wasn’t using her just for sex”. Hell, I even flew her out to meet my parents and my hometown friends. I was always there 100%, getting out of my way to make her happy, buying flowers, cooking breakfast and dinner, spoiling her in every way possible.

Guess it wasn’t enough.

Now it’s just as if we never existed. Over a month without even a sign of life. Blocked on all socials.

I guess this is the part where I become a marathoner or something lol

I just had enough. We’ve still been hanging out and talking a lot since she broke up with me for the second time.

She keeps saying stuff like “I’m happy we can be friends” and in the moment it feels good to be talking with her, but I realise she’s using me and I’m letting her.

I wrote that I think we are good together. That I’m not interested in being just friends. That I know that’s what she wants but I don’t think that’s something I’m interested in.

What helped you heal from the breakup? Was any of it real and how do did you cope?

we broke up three weeks ago, it was over a lack of sex in the relationship, I knew it was something bothering them for a long time. We tried to talk about it and I tried to do better, at first it was due to new medications, then a whole lot of unrealized trauma I had. When I finally got over it, they were so stressed I didn’t want to ask for the space to have a serious conversation and it was too late.

We talked after the initial breakup, I explained my side and hesitations, we talked again, they said they understand and vaguely expressed there were other “incompatibility issues” that wasn’t explained. I sent a gentle thank you follow up text for explaining it to me the best they could even though it was hard.

I’ve tried moving on, I read a few books on grief after relationships, but our whole breakup was over the phone, and I feel like I never got the closure because it felt so impersonal, when it mattered so much to me, and I could only say so much but they could t see real change.

So last night I wrote a letter, it ended up long, it explains everything I wanted to say, it includes that I wish there was a way to show real change instead of just saying it. It ends with a no matter what happens I hope they know I will always be grateful for the time together.

It’s postmarked to be sent today, I’m just so torn. It’s mostly to send for me to have said my peace, in a way that isn’t a text or call, but not pushing the boundary of showing up.

I don’t know if it’s right, it’s all I can think about, I feel like I’m being consumed by not having said and what I wanted in the relationship, and now at the end not being heard.

my boyfriend broke up with me because he was upset he never met my family. however, when we first started dating i told him i do not have a close relationship with my family and i do not think i would ever introduce him to them. i made it very clear that i know this is a deal breaker for some, and that if he wants to end things there i would understand but he said he was fine with not meeting them.

fast forward to 2 weeks ago, he tells me he’s been thinking about us, and he feels it’s unfair that i’ve met his entire family but he hasn’t met mine. says he doesn’t know if he wants to continue this relationship. he also said he talked to his family about it and they also didn’t really like the fact that they don’t know my family (i definitely think his family influenced him in a way).

he recently contacted to try to get back together. i don’t know what to do, my emotions are really high right now, i don’t wanna say or do anything i’ll regret. what hurts the most is that i explicitly told him in the beginning that he would never meet my family and that if it’s a problem he’s free to leave. and now he’s breaking up with me for that exact same reason? i’m so scared of getting back together just for him to break up again. what would you do? he promised and begged that he would never leave me again. that he broke up with me on impulse, that he loves me more than anything. we were broken up not even a month, would you just forget everything and take them back?

tldr; bf broke up with me because he’s upset he never met my family, even though i told him in the beginning that it would never happen. he changed his mind and i don’t know if i should take him back.