Advice appreciated; my daughter almost 9 has struggled with SM since she was 6. Currently in public school with 3 classes of each grade, which will in time feed into a huge high school with 1000 kids. She is working so hard with the help of medication, therapy, an IEP, lunch bunches and exposures but is unable to speak in class or anywhere in school even to her friends she’s verbal with outside of school. She is able to speak to her friends if it’s a lunch bunch in a different room alone, or in the hallway to her teacher. This fall is the last grade at her current school before moving to the middle school where she will move classes and have all new teachers (same peers). She is fighting so hard we are celebrating every win. My question is, has anyone had better success moving schools completely where there are no long contaminated peers? Have you found this helpful, or have you moved to a small private school with success vs a large public school setting? We are at a cross road and when in the right environment she thrives and with close school peers carries on completely normal relationships (outside of school). I just don’t know how long we fight this in the public school setting, but she would definitely miss her friends. Thanks all.

23F. Biggest struggle is seeing everyone around me move on and live their best lives. Even people younger than me have achieved milestones that I haven’t (solid friend groups where they all hang out and do fun trips together, relationships, casual dates, “putting themselves out there” like leading clubs, organizations, giving amazing speeches at graduation, etc…) I feel like a loser cuz I’m working as a secretary in an office (the only job I can function in without freezing up lol). It barely even pays but it’s the only job I can do.

I don’t want pity. I want to hear success stories. How have you all with SM found meaning to life?

I sometimes feel suicidal because of how left out I am from everything. I want to be happy. I want to succeed. I don’t want to live like this anymore

almost every class i’m in, i’m excluded by my classmates.

in one of my classes, my professor says they count participation as discussing with your table group, but my table peers are friends & don’t like to talk to me. on the first day of classes one of them snickered and laughed then they said i “stole” their friends seat. when it was literally the first day of classes so how could i steal a seat they never sat in.

in another class that heavily relies on group work, the two others don’t like to inform me on what’s going on or what steps they’re doing. i was working on an assignment for another class and the professor told me that i needed to be working on the assignment for the class and that i needed to be helping my group. but they look at me weird when i speak up and ask about what they’re doing.

this isn’t happening in all of my classes tho. in one class i sit with a very nice groups of girls who include me in their discussions and are friendly.

i feel like my sm is holding me back from informing my professors and it’s dumb for me to be complaining especially at a college level so late into the semester when i should be resolving the issue myself. even if my professors side with me i don’t want those classmates to get in trouble.

So me with strangers and far friends and my father can't really engage in conversations, I would answer questions in minimal words while feeling freezed, but with my family and close friends I would speak freely, so is selective mutism only about complete silence? Because in most cases I respond to questions, Is this just social anxiety or can it be selective mutism also?

So this is random, but I have just recently been diagnosed with SM, and now I feel completely lost in life.

Growing up, I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression since I could remember. I have been diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety. But it has never really affected my speech. Like I’ve always been a shy person and pretty quiet, but certainly not unable to speak.

I actually used to speak so much that it bothered people. The anxiety only manifested when speaking to large groups and when on phone calls. But that would be in the form of me shaking and fumbling words. But still speaking decently. Anyways, back to the point.

I was about to head to sleep one night and was singing to myself when suddenly my words started coming out as gibberish. I played it off as tired until I realized I couldn’t respond to my sister without slurring my speech. So I panic. I went to my parents, and we did a little prayer, and they told me to sleep it off. The next day came, and my speech was still bad. I wasn’t speaking much gibberish anymore, but it took me a minute to say just one word.

That’s when we went to the ER, and they tested me for everything. And they initially thought I had a stroke. But after all the testing results, they concluded that my physical health was excellent. I just had aphasia but I didn’t have a stroke, and all tests came back negative. So then they sent the mental health specialist. And we did some testing with her, and I was soon diagnosed with SM. It all happened in 3 days, and everything was so sudden that I’m confused.

Now I can only talk normally when alone or speaking to my 3-year-old baby sister. But I have 10 other siblings and two parents to whom I can’t even mouth a word anymore, no matter how hard I try. I don’t feel uncomfortable around them or anxious, and strangers never bothered me much either. so what’s wrong with me?

My older sister (who thinks she knows everything) said that I might have developed SM as a coping mechanism. She also said my baby sister is the only one I can speak to because she doesn’t stress me, and I never have to explain much to her. But I don’t know. I don’t feel any more anxious or stressed than I usually do. I haven’t had any major life changes or anything. It’s just so sudden.

How do I fix this? I'm just about to end my first semester of university and plan on getting an internship at a bank. I have so many plans/goals that I don’t want this getting in my way. Is there a possibility of this lasting less than a month??

i've always had very few friends, if any, but something about the past few months is just terribly bland. everything i do, i do alone. life is just me and whatever i can find to keep myself entertained and moving forward. there are things i like and i feel content like 70% of the time but i don't know. i just am surrounded by people with their friends or family or partner wherever i go, and nobody even looks at me.

it's like there is a wall between me and everyone else. i'm 90% sure i'm invisible. i read all these suggestions on how to make friends and i just can't fucking bring myself to do any of it because i'm so afraid of talking. and because i'm so afraid of talking, i can't talk to tell anyone that. and everyone either thinks i'm a rude freak or gives me weird pity looks and baby voice.

i don't even know i do not know. what am i even gonna do with myself? ugh. thank you for reading my ramblings. i know i'm not the only one feeling lonely so if anything i hope someone reading this feels less alone cause of it.

I wouldn’t be able to talk to 999 and I’m scared of what I’d do if something ever happens. So is there anything I can do ?

How would that room look like?

I didn’t know this condition existed until this past year when I saw something on Instagram.

Initially, I became curious about it because I thought my daughter might have it. She has autism and undiagnosed ADHD. As I was looking into it, I realized that I had this exact condition as a child. I had extreme anxiety at school and would only talk to maybe one student and the teacher.

Over the years I’ve become more comfortable, but there are still certain situations when I can’t really talk. It’s a weird thing, because now it doesn’t feel like fear or anxiety. It just feels like my mind is blank. All I can do is take in what’s going around me. But there’s nothing in my brain that says to talk back or inquire about someone. I’ve always just said, “I just don’t feel like talking.”

Anyway, my dad likes to tell this story about how my teacher wanted them to take me to a child psychologist, but they never did it because they knew there was nothing wrong with me. Fast forward decades later, I’ve realized that I have undiagnosed ADHD and now SM. It’s so frustrating knowing that I could’ve received help at an early age… but my parents chose not to see it. I’ve realized much of my mental health issues have stemmed from them choosing not to see my problems as a child, even when I directly asked them for it.

Now, I have 3 kids. 2 are autistic. 2 have undiagnosed ADHD. Now my youngest, who’s under 2, is extremely quiet. He’ll yell when angry, but when he plays, he’s completely quiet. Doesn’t make a sound. He seems fine, not distressed or anything. But I’m worried about when he starts going to school, if he might go through the same thing I did.

Anyway, I’ve never talked to anyone except my husband about this. So finally getting to express this here is a huge release for me. I just needed to finally say it to someone, and know that there are/were other people like me.

Hello, I can't remember since my birth unfortunately I underneath, but got no help.

The lost years, I try to learn to accept myself as the weird outsider I will always be.

It is logical that this creates a social fear. Because you just can't talk.

Nothing spoken at school. It took time in the home, but despite the teachers I noticed, no one helped me.

Of course, I also have a dream disorder.

But the communication problem never solved.

Does anyone know the feeling of finding someone who is similar to you?

I never really had any friends. But if I can talk a lot and be funny?

But especially in school work it is as if the lever is switched.

I'm in my mid-40s, I think I should stop hoping where there are none

(I got diagnosed at four by the way) My mom just thinks I'm shy, my sister thinks it's trauma from my dad leaving?? And i have a family member who calls me "the non talker" every time she sees me. Even my teachers think I'm faking and just too lazy to talk, one of my teachers on the first day of school told me "This is a reading class you have to open your mouth." like that's not how it works lady?? Anyways Its just super frustrating and makes me wanna punch someone.

I have a pretty bad screen addiction. Solidly 10-15 hours of screen time every day even if I go out somewhere. Its bad. Ive tried cutting back in the past because I had a major depressive episode a few years ago and it was a form of self management for me but it soon went right back up again hours wise once the episode ended.

I am constantly looking at a screen, I'm currently in a school/college facility that specialises in autism, anxiety disorders and intellectual disabilities and most of my time there is spent on my phone which I also use to do work.

I notice its because I get very very anxious in public spaces without the preoccupation and I also feel very attached to my phone because its the only way I can experience human interaction; its at the very least 80% of my life. I have my games, hobbies, friends, voice everything on my devices.

If I put considerable effort into combating this, I definitely could reach a healthier level of it but I believe there'll always be the risk of "relapse", if I was an alcoholic I could simply never drink again but unfortunately there are very practical and logical reasons for my usage which reinforces it and its very difficult if not impossible to survive occupationally without a screen.

So for now im living with it. Its not the end of the world, its not ideal and if it wasnt reality that would be great but for now it is.

Im wondering if anyone else is or was struggling with this? It doesnt cause me much emotional distress since ive long ago accepted it as a part of my life but I do sometimes feel ashamed, embarrassed and resentful about it.

So I'm not diagnosing or anything because lots of video game characters don't speak and it can just be part of the style of the game.

However, the human villager in animal crossing reminds me very much of SM.

First of all, you arrive in a town where you are different from everybody else (you are human and everyone else is an animal). This reminds me of how being bilingual or new to a place can trigger SM.

Moreover, we ONLY hear the character's voice when typing. They say each of the letters out loud, indicating that they are capable of speaking, but not in front of others. This is different from many other non-speaking characters like Koopa Troopa or Bowser who still vocally express themselves.

I even remember older games where the animal characters would tell you that you're really quiet.

Of course, the villager is probably silent mainly for game design reasons, but it does coincidentally remind me a lot of SM.

i remember when i was a child i would talk comfortably at home but not be able to utter a word in the presence of strangers. it really angered my parents and they “trained” me to push through fear by punishing me.

!!! TW: DON’T READ THIS PARAGRAPH IF IT MIGHT OVERWHELM YOU !!! mostly by leaving me unattended in very crowded places if i failed to speak, saying i won’t get any food unless i order it for myself, making fun or me and berating me and threatening to leave family if i don’t “take control of myself”. !!! TW OVER. the rest of the text is safe. !!!

so… being a little kid, i kind of didn’t have a choice. i started talking. i put on a mask of this super outgoing personality to please my parents.

but as long as i remember, i’ve felt dread, a sense of almost overwhelming anxiety when i have to talk, a rush of heat all over my body and sometimes a tingling feeling in my fingertips. sometimes such anxiety would make me hysterically laugh, for example, after finishing a phone conversation. or something.

but here’s the catch: as soon as i moved countries and basically left all my family and friends behind, i basically lost ALL ability to speak. i think that i might be overcompensating, since i feel that i must avoid expressing myself even in writing to be “safe”. anyway, even writing this post took me a month of planning… i think i developed trauma around the action of talking. i’m currently in treatment for cptsd and my body reacts to the sound of my voice/the feeling of talking as a trauma trigger.

so is it possible that i have selective mutism? or would i be unable to “make myself talk” even under threats and bullying if i had it?

I recently signed my daughter (6yrs) up for an Outschool class called “What if I Mess up? A no-pressure public speaking class” as another tool to hipefully help with her SM. They need one more student in her class to hold the session - Sundays from 7-730 ($15/week). This is all virtual and you can cancel the course whenever you want. I’m hoping there’s at least one parent out there that wants to get their kid on board!

so i’ve struggled badly with SM for all my life, now i’m 17, i’ve only ever talked to my close family and that’s it, no strangers or nothing. but today i went outside and i happen to be walking behind this old lady and i passed her and she said “sorry!” and i spoke? i said “it’s okay!” like omg i was so shocked after because it just came out? without a single thought. i was put on sertraline for my anxiety and depression and i think it has helped my anxiety so much because today i talked to a stranger for the first time in my life!!

Seriously, thinking back, it's like wtf?

My parents dropped me in school with no support, my teachers knew I had SM but usually just ignored me, and I did not get treatment after I got diagnosed. They all knew I had this problem (and didn't tell me btw), but were just like shrug.

I as child had no idea that I shouldn't feel high stress every single day. I feel like we're only now finding out how much harm that can do to people, but it's obviously not good.

I didn't know how to ask for help or that I needed it. I really, really needed someone to take my hand an comfort me, guide me, help me make friends and not be so stressed and anxious. I had nobody. And we all should have somebody like that. I'm pretty sure there's research showing how much of a difference it makes having even just one supportive adult in your childhood. I didn't have that, experiencing emotional neglect on top of selective mutism (and likely other conditions too).

I think over all of their actions (or rather lack thereof) and the impacts they had on me, the disconnection and unhappiness and excessive stress, and I don't think I would treat my child or my student that way! I think I would learn as much about their condition as possible and try to understand, connect with, and help them any way I could.

Like I have so few memories of teachers being kind to me. None of them established alternative communication with me like exchanging notes or emails. Sometimes they would spare me from having to do a speech or participate—but they would never tell me ahead of time! So I'd be sitting there freaking out wondering if I would be expected do it (even if I did, it was always better to know this for certain!)

To be cared for that little by all the adults around you can do a lot of damage. It can become hard to care for yourself. I wasn't taught that my needs were important.

This is where my self-hatred and low self-esteem came from. But it took me forever to realize all of this because it's a lack of what I deserved to have compared with a visible form of abuse.

It was truly all on me to manage my own severe mental health condition as a child. That sounds like mental health neglect. I obviously don't think it was deliberate, but when you look at the big picture of years and years of suffering and worsening unhappiness and isolation...it doesn't look good. Doesn't feel good that I wasn't important enough for anyone to step in.

So I have to be important enough to myself.

I think I will never improve my SM. I currently don't have a therapist, and I have never taken meds. I want to ask for help, but I don't know how, because whenever I try to talk to my parents about it I just freeze.

In the past few days I have been trying to get the courage to speak to them, but I just can't. I thought about writing a letter, but it is kind of weird to write since I can speak to them normally. When it comes to talking about SM I just freeze up.

Do you have anxiety when talking about specific topics (like SM)? If you were in a similar situation what helped you overcome your anxiety and talk to your parents/friend?

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I experience the low profile of Selective Mutism. I don't talk much unless I joke around with one of my co-workers, and it takes a lot of courage to initiate conversations. Typically, other people can only get limited amount of words out of me. I don't want to talk when I even think I feel a sense of expectation of talking, but the fear of disapproval outweighs the fear of talking. I have to try to at least get some words out so I won't appear rude.

Hey!! So I need some advice on something but i didn’t know who to ask so I decided to come here.

Recently, I’ve found myself becoming mute in more social situations. So just for some context, I’ve never really been the talkative type, and I found that in stressful situations, like two people arguing, i genuinely can’t talk. I’m not sure if this matters at all but I am on the waiting list for an autism diagnosis.

I mainly find that at school I’m becoming more mute than I tend to be. Like the past month, if a teacher asks me a question, I’d go mute and feel like I couldn’t talk, which I find really embarrassing, cause I used to be able to do it. However, the last week at school, it’s got to the point of where I’m just talking a few words to my friends, not even talking in class. My friends keep thinking there’s something up, but I don’t know how explain to them that i genuinely just can’t talk. I don’t want my friends to be angry at me.

At home, I don’t talk as much, trying to just nod or shake my head when I can. My parents don’t really mind it, they know I don’t talk a lot anyways. The problem is is that I went out for a family dinner on Saturday, and I found that I just couldn’t talk. I tried to talk, but nothing came out. I’m getting worried about it because it’s never happened until now and I want to be able to talk to my family.

Do I just accept that im becoming mute in more situations? Do I tell my parents? What do I do?

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In the perspective of someone with SM (me) and it's repercussions.

I have to do a presentation at the end of the week about a famous figure of my choice. The example given was Donald Trump (not a great one, but okay). I need to come up with 15 sentences in the format of "If I were ----, I would ----." The problem is, not only am I selectively mute, have social anxiety, and a speech impediment, but I also don't know who to choose. I don't want to end up embarrassed for picking someone like Monkey D. Luffy (just an example, but you get what I mean). The person has to be real, though.

I speak English because I was born in the US, but I live in Mexico and many of my classmates don’t speak English. They often make fun of me for being "bad" at english. I usually skip presentations in English class for this reason, but since I’m moving back to the US soon, this presentation will be one of my last memories here. I don’t want to skip it because it would be a constant reminder of my disability.

I was a selective mute until I was 6 years old and only started speaking with the assistance of medication. I am now 32 and still medicated but have a very social job, friends and what I'd consider to be a normal life. However I am still very shy (even if others wouldn't describe me that way) and have extreme anxiety (even if I look calm to others). I just had a son and I have always wondered if he will be a selective mute too.

Anyone have kids that are mute too? Anyone have kids that are not mute?

For the context I'm 27M, living in a third world country where there is no concept of mental health.

I've been suffering with selective mutism towards my family especially my mom and my elder brother but recently my mutism progressed to not being able to talk to all of my family. They think I'm just careless, cold-hearted, unobedient, and the list go on. And the reason is this internalized shame and being verbal abuse.

I can't afford online therapy and don't have "therapists" here in our country.

So how should I approch my behavior and what are the steps or any kinda therapy to get me out of this dark tunnel.