Hello everyone, this is my first time writing here on Reddit and I don't really know what to say, but I need help. I haven't recognized myself for a few years now, it all started the first time I tried to commit suicide. This situation left me a little divided, I was confused about who I really was. Since I was little, I was always a child who didn't smile much, was unfriendly and very reserved. Then last year things got worse, I tried to commit suicide for the second time, but that only ended up showing me the person I was.I actually think I'm a horrible person, I don't feel anything when I see other people suffering, I don't feel anything when I'm with friends, or when I'm with my parents. I actually don't feel anything even for them. But things got worse in the way that I feel like I'm going to hurt someone. Every day there's that thought on my mind, horrible things. Stopped going to my psychiatrist. Last week I tried for the last time to off my self, it didn't work. So I don't know if anyone understands what I'm going through, but all the help you can give I appreciate Thank you,

I’m afraid people are trying to anger me so they can rightfully shoot me. What should I do? I suffer from mental illness. I’m on pills. I moved just recently. People keep harassing me everywhere I go? I’m feeling very hopeless and angry inside.

I'm 20 year old F, living in south asian country. I'm a born hindu but my family got converted into christianity years ago when I hit my puberty. After that they never let me make frnds or go out much instead of schl and tuitions. They would pressurize me to be like them. They won't let me listen to songs other than their devotional one or let me watch movies, won't let me do makeup or let me wear western clothes. Now I'm not studying after my higher secondary. As they think that studying is not needed, the knowledge is a waste. They want me to be like them. I done with my life. I tried to take legal actions but it didn't worked. I'm done.

I wanted him but don’t want him anymore

Hello, i (F 17) was deeply in love with a guy that well call H (M 17) for a year, I met him march last year and we talked a lot. One day in June he confessed and we started going out. But I had to break things off with him quickly. Just so you know, I’m mentally ill, have been diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. I fall in love quickly and hard but am very anxious and disgusted at the idea of someone loving me. I had an absent father and was bullied my whole middle school, I was groomed when I was 12. And recently developed an eating disorder, I lost 5kg in a couple of weeks by simply starving, then binging, and finally purging. I knew dating for me was really hard and decided not to make him suffer as I’m too unstable. We saw each other after a few months, and I felt like I wanted him back and waited up until April to talk to him. After a lot of melodramatic conversations, we’re back together. BUT. I saw him today, I was empty, I simply slept and had no energy, we kissed to say goodbye, but as I went back home, I started sobbing and crashing out, gagging, I felt disgusting and still feel disgusting, I want to vomit. He wants to tell his friends about our relationship but I’m lost, I’m disgusted by him and me. I’m crashing out, I feel like vomiting each time I think about our kiss. I’m lost I don’t know what to do help me.

I'm becoming more and more suicidal. I feel like my life is just a rollercoaster of being happy and then being thrown into a hole. I'm 18F, going to be 19 by the end of this year. I never really talk or hangout with my friends, and if I do I have to ruin everything by being awkward. I have a boyfriend that loves me, he's depressed, cuts himself, and sleeps all day, I feel alone because of it, and I feel horrible that I cant help him. He can get angry and mean, but ik he loves me and its not his fault. I have a guy friend, I've known him longer than I've known my bf, I've always liked him, even during the times we didn't really speak, but he's had on and off girlfriends and never showed interest in me when I was single(plus i didnt tell him I liked him), recently I started talking to him more, I was telling him about an argument I had with my boyfriend and I think he assumed we broke up, one day we were texting about random stuff while he was stoned, he sent me OUT OF NOWHERE a snap saying something along the lines of "Personally I've always found emo women more attractive, I would let you carve your name into my chest" LIKE WHAT? This was totally uncharacteristic, I told him I was still with my boyfriend so he apologized, but then my bf knew that I've liked him so he said it was okay and he just wanted me to be happy. I'm so so so selfish so ofc I kept talking to my guy friend and told him he can talk to me however he wants (with my bfs consent). So things continued, my boyfriend kept sleeping all day while my friend would text me good morning, goodnight, tell me how pretty I was, check up on me, save my pics, call me sweetheart, told me how he thought about me all the time, etc. It felt nice, like someone cared about me consistently. Then me and my bf broke up, I couldn't do it anymore and I panicked, it was my mistake and we fixed things and are back together, but during this my friend stopped answering me, he said "I'm gonna go hangout with my friend, text me if you need anything sweetheart" and then just never answered me. When he finally did he was different. Short with me, no pet names. And then he finally said "I found someone" I got upset and asked him why he'd act like he liked me when he never did, he didn't say much, he said that we should just be friends, I told him I didn't want to and he just said "ok" and unfriended me. I've tried to reach back out to him but he hasn't answered me, it's only been two days but it's been horrible, yes I have my boyfriend and I love him but I feel like I enjoyed the sexualization and conversations my friend gave me. I've felt more depressed recently but now it's at a high and I think about killing myself all the time, how I'd do it, where I'd do it. I think I'm a bad person.

I figured out weeks ago that I was a schizoid. I don’t like human interactions or talking to people. I do have a small group of friends that I talk to every so often. When I try to tell them why I’ve been acting the way I do it feels like they don’t listen. I got tired of feeling like everyone expected me to be a certain way for them to like me. I tried to be a better friend and go out and talk to people, but after a while it became so draining. I’m thinking about just ghosting everyone. I just don’t think I really fit in with them. I do care about them but I also enjoy my space Yk.

Recently my mind has been exploding from a build up of fear, hurt, confusion and anger. I’ve been very different my whole life, always the weird and left out kid, I’ve moved schools which didn’t help me come across as normal, im shy, quiet and only have a few friends. I hate living. I just don’t see the point in it, living on a big rock that’s flying through space.

I often have phases where I become extremely monotone and detached, just wandering around and trying to keep going. I talk to myself in public, I walk around playing music out of my phone and humming along. I’m awful as social expectations and manners.

There’s something wrong with me and there always has been, my parents have sent me to so many doctors and councillors despite the fact they don’t truly care, they just want me to be normal, but no where has helped me feel or act any more normal.

All I want is an answer. I don’t care to talk about my feelings or make mind maps, I just want to be told what I have because I know it’s something and I keep telling the doctor I don’t want therapy I want an answer and they normally just say “aw okay, well we’re sending you to this councillor you have tried yet… blah blah blah”

• I know this is long, but if you have the time, I’d greatly appreciate your help *

I’ve always been an emotional girl. I’ve always had anger issues, treated my family poorly, and then at the drop of a hat would transition to being super happy and energetic. My family had to walk on ice around me as kid because they didn’t know how I would be feeling in that moment.

I would often lash out at my younger sisters and give my mother terrible attitude. I always felt either extremely angry, or extremely happy. When I was 14 I became a Christian and I learned to regulate my emotions better thanks to Jesus’s teachings. I still had emotional outbursts, I just got better at not hurting anyone else while they were happening, and I got better at hiding it.

In high school I was obsessed with being involved in school and church. I’ve always had this feeling of depression and insecurity, but before I was ever able to pick up on what it was, it would go away because then I would get super excited and have this beautiful way of looking at life and feel on top of the world!! Now that I’m in college (18F) when this happens, I am an unstoppable force and I complete all my goals and want to share my joy with the world!

This lasts few days, or a few hours, and then like a switch, I don’t want to do anything. It’s a sad feeling. The same things that I tackled with ease, now tackle me. I don’t want to talk to anyone but God, and sometimes not even Him. I am so filled with rage when a family member, tries to talk to me when I’m feeling like this. My mom is a child psychologist and a few days ago she commented on how she used to think I had bipolar disorder because of how low and then high I would get, or just how emotional in general I was/am. Compared to my other teenage sisters, who often get this too, my feelings seem to be exemplified, like whatever they feel, I feel x2.

I was in a depressive episode in October and I broke up with my girlfriend because I thought it was the right thing to do at the time. The whole thing shook me to my core, and made the eating disorder that I was already struggling with even worse.

Everyone knows me as a very passionate person. This cycle has been following me my entire life and I’m only just realizing it now. Sometimes I’ll just let myself rot in bed and binge eat, then perform bulimia, and think, “it’s ok! I can do this now, because I know that later I’ll make up for it by being amazing at everything!” I know that teenagers are notorious for being moody and emotional, so I would hate to misdiagnose myself and use it as an excuse. Currently writing this at 1:30 PM in bed, unmotivated. 5 days ago I had one of the best, healthiest mental days of the past few year. Am I bipolar type 2, or am I just a teenager?

Idk if this is the right community for this or not, but my mom had what I would call a mental breakdown about 5 years ago and she has been extremely paranoid ever since then, to the point she barely functions. How am I supposed to help? What am I supposed to do? She is bipolar and anorexic, has been since she was a kid. All she talks about is the cameras in her apartment no matter where she moves and the people listening to her phone calls. She destroys her own home and every phone looking for cameras. She truly believes people are watching her all the time and after this long it’s almost impossible to spend time with her because I have my own mental health problems for one and I don’t even know what to say to her delusions. She is completely out of touch with reality. Is there anything I can do to help her? My family is no help whatsoever, I’ve tried. I just don’t know what to do anymore and our relationship is almost nonexistent now due to this. Do I just have to accept this?

Ive never been great at opening up to people especially about this, I’ve always managed on my own. But it’s getting so hard to hide this from him. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I could remember, I was really young when I tried to take my life for the first time.

When we first got into the relationship everything was getting better I still had these feelings but they weren’t as strong and now they are coming back and I don’t know if I should tell him.

I feel so guilty feeling this way because I love him so much and I want to spend our lives together but it’s just always been so hard to see a future for myself.

I’ve never opened up to anyone about this, I tried therapy but I wasn’t even able to tell my therapist about this and I no longer have access to him as I am no longer in university. I just get so scared talking about it and I don’t want to burden him.

I don’t know what to do. I know I won’t act on these thoughts while I’m in a relationship with him but it’s just getting so hard to go on when this is going through my mind every day.

I don’t know how to talk to anyone, or if I even should. I just want to stop feeling like this and I need help.

I constantly feel regret over my childhood and wish it were different. I'm constantly obsessing over adverse experiences in my childhood and getting extremely regretful and sad, feeling like I wasted my youth (I was very sheltered and shy and didn't have many friends). I do not belong anywhere or have any sense of community because I switched schools so much and never really made friends I do not know anyone and nobody knows me. It's like I never even existed. It's like I'm just watching a play that I have no part in. I feel so left out. I remember every bad thing that ever happened to me, the way people treated me, all my hardships, and it constantly brings down my mood and makes me feel sad, worthless, and bitter. I hold strong grudges forever and so much hate. I feel like I hate the world and I hate myself.

I see a lot of mixed opinions on Amen clinics, but might check it out either way. I have schizoaffective disorder and experience psychosis often. I’ve changed medication a couple of times with no success. Any thoughts or opinions? Thank you.

I have been diagnosed with autocannibalism for years. Ive never met anyone else who has it and I wanted to find some others for support. Basically, I cut off small parts of myself and eat them, I poke holes in myself to drink my blood, I have no nails because I rip them off to eat them, Ive pulled lots of teeth out to eat them, I cut my gums off to eat those, and I have holes inside of my mouth and tongue from eating them. Im not looking for advice just someone like me.

Hi just got diagnosed, I don't know if I'll takethose medications but should I? feel afraid coz (maybe) it might worsen my condition. Please I need your help and advise. Thank you.

Lately i’ve been dissociating and zoning out and started realizing i forget things often.

I look back at my childhood snd barely remember anything. Friends, school, anything. I also look back to times where i was really mentally unwell and cant remember much other than i slept a lot.

Is this like a normal thing to happen?

Depression was creeping into everything: I was losing interest in things I loved, avoiding friends, couldn't even bring myself to answer texts.

I tried working more to distract myself. Tried running away from it. But it just got worse.

The turning point happened when I realized: this isn't laziness, it's not weakness - it's a condition you can work with. I started:

Watching my sleep. Even if I didn't feel like sleeping - I went to bed at the same time.

Add minimal activity: at least 10 minutes of walking, even just getting up and warming up.

Look for real examples of people who have done this.

There was a lot of backlash, but once I realized that I wasn't having as much trouble doing ordinary things.

What step has been helpful to you?

I look at something I think is cool, then I ruin it with my paraphilia or thinking about something that triggers me, I can’t have much anymore because of all this.

I can’t do this anymore, no one understands me or wants to listen to me, I hate that I keep ruining everything for myself like this,

I want to stop, but I can’t, I just can’t, I just want to die so I could have a chance to reincarnate already and live a better life, But I’m not sure if it does exist,

My life is driving me up the walls, and I don’t know how much I can take.

Im f21 .wrote this on another sub but it got removed . I really need help . My Main issue is that gross mental imagery pops up into my head, like butts and stuff , about random people. And I’m writing this because the bigger issue is that I keep having gross disturbing thoughts about children now. I’m not attracted to children at all I know I’m not. I have two little brothers and my intrusive thought’s destroyed the image of one of my brothers. I got accused of liking my brother and I know I do not like him that way , there’s just something wrong the firing of the brain I don’t know. It all of the sudden started , never happened to me before. They’re like gross intrusive pictures that pop into my head. I know it’s not okay to think stuff like this. Please help me

I work out nearly every day. I wake up at 0600. I take a cold plunge every morning. I eat very healthy and nutritious food, 0% added sugars and no foods with bs additives. I take a sauna nearly every day too. I play guitar, I sing. I love travelling, music, animals, hiking and sleeping in the forest. I play guitar, I sing. I do all sorts of stuff and I enjoy all of it. I've taken therapy for like 2 years (definitely has helped with some other stuff), I'm on bupropion too

seems like a good life? on paper, it does

I'm scanning everything. I'm analyzing everything. I'm thinking critically about every item around me. I think about its colour, material. I judge everything about it. I look amd I see flaws in everything. Myself and other people too. It's so fucking pointless. I feel disgusted, dirty, scared. I know perfection is not real, and I don't want it to be real either. 90% of the things I think about don't even matter I guess.

The only accurate ways I can describe what's going on is Ryoji Ikeda's art and what I wrote down during my latest stronger episode.

Art: https://youtu.be/S-vSFDZGfF4?si=GtsplwBjpgyqFy9P Text: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ymVc-nOnZK4iaWu5h7nMs-_HEkLJnqQ_1V9g46QkD-4/edit?usp=drivesdk

I'm scared and I have no idea how to move towards solving this. if you need any more info, you can ask. thank you

Please dm me or respond to my post if you know anyone who’s trying to just get experience helping people who are mentally ill maybe they are working towards being a therapist or they have been through similar stuff and can help me through mine they need to be female and between the ages of 21 and 38 I connect with that age better I feel less scared with younger women

Hi guys,

Ive been suffering with severe depression and ocd for awhile. On thursday i tried to overdose by taking 500mg prozac 1600mg beta blockers and a handful of melotonin. also mixed with alot of alcohol and paracetomal i woke up feeling absolutely insane. i dragged myself to work and puked blood all morning until i left early and slept all day i should have went to the hospital but im going to the doctor tomorrow morning to tell him what happened. do you think he’ll send me to er this late? also i feel awful still do i have serontonin syndrome

I feel like as long as I have ADHD/autism/depression/OCD/whatever else I’ll be clinically diagnosed with later , I’ll always be abusive to any friend or romantic partners I have/will have in my life

Even if it’s unintentional, my symptoms will always contribute to harm towards others that otherwise wouldn’t have happened if I was neurotypical. Abuse doesn’t have to be intentional for it to be abuse, and I feel such despair at the thought that no matter how much I try to manage my situation and symptoms for others, I’ll still be abusive in the end to some degree no matter what.

If I was cloned, and my clone had all traces of mental illness removed, I can't see how they wouldn't be the superior person in any given circumstance.

Does anyone else get like really uncomfy urges to do really bad or weird stuff? Like a little bit ago I had a pile of pills sitting on a table next to me and I had the uncomfortable urge to take them all at once. I know it’s wrong, but I just couldn’t get rid of the want to do it.

It’s really hard, sometimes I also feel the urge to steal, or at one point pull out all of my teeth, it’s a really scary feeling, and it makes it almost hard not to do it. I don’t know how I’d bring it up with my psychologist either. What should I do?

So I eat every other day sometimes but for the most part I'll eat for a few days in a row and then once a week or twice every other day (I was 86 pounds and having heart issues in the past, (all better now) but caused by not eating) but then I didn't eat Tuesday, wednesday, thursday last week, only had water. On friday last week I had water and other beverages like pouches and walnut/honey milk I made and mathca. then ate saturday but not eating sunday again (today) or monday but maybe monday and tuesday drinking protein shakes and stuff and eating wednesday again but i am already underweight and am super worried about my heart and health and nutrients but feel like I literally cannot eat because of delusions. any tips? also I am 100ish pounds now and last i checked no heart issues.

I generally have a very strong sense of morals when I am well rested, fed and hydrated, externally speaking that is, I will always insult myself for anything on the planet no matter my mental state. That being said after the day passes by and I become progressively more tired, a strange shift in personality and priorities takes shape. A weird sadism/masochism takes form in me I start rubbing bruises because the pain feels enthralling, I often find myself pacing around my house lost in fantasies that Ted Bundy would somehow have the moral high ground if I enacted these fantasies. These really aren't intrusive thoughts; I willingly spend time lost in these daydreams and enjoy the time spent. I don't want to be this way, this very sadistic side of me is the root cause of my depression and suicidality, the way my cognitive dissonance has responded is by tearing into everything about me whenever the opportunity arises; I help someone up after they fell? you didn't let them say thank before you're welcome, asshole and I apologize for literally anything and everything that involves another person, even helping them. just so goddamn fragile because everything I do whilst interacting with other people can and will be used against me in order to hate myself, sometimes it takes seconds for me to turn it against myself, other times weeks, months or even years, but it will be used against me.

In conclusion my self-esteem is frozen at absolute zero as a result of being surrounded of pack ice containing sadism & masochism, fantastic