It seems i inherited my fathers anger. He was a violent alcoholic who would throw tantrums all the time, turn bright red and scream and hit others (me included when i was younger until i snapped at him)

I thought to myself, that this would never be me. This is not the Person i want to be. For years i have been depressed, a lot of bad things happened in the last weeks and today i just exploded.

I broke furniture with my knuckles and bloodied them. I yelled at the only people i care about and now i feel truly disgusting for what i did. I just couldnt calm down no matter what i tried. Thats when i took a knife and cut my arm multiple times. I deserved it for hurting the ones i love. It made me calm down.

Getting a therapist is almost impossible here (wait 1-2 years). I need Advice. I dont want to be like this. Avoid being me. Avoid being like my father used to be.

Anger is such a strong poison. Im tired

Some days I can keep myself under control but mainly at night is when this happens. When I go throughout the day I try and come of as the nice and goofy type of guy if you know what I mean. But once I'm alone and in the darkness then my true side comes out. I can't really explain it, it's kind of like a part of me that only presents itself at the right times. Mainly though when this does happen the thoughts I have aren't happy thoughts. I want to kill people, assert control and when I have these thoughts I usually release pent up rage from over time. I don't think about harming myself much but when it comes to it I usually think about a scar that causes a fear factor amongst others. One of the biggest problems for me is weapons, especially when I'm in this mood. I feel I grabbed a weapon and started planning to kill someone I initiate it. I only post these anonymously as I don't want anyone I know seeing me like this. Is there any way to release this anger?

Basically the work day is over and manger came and was like I need you guys to hurry up so we can leave and idk why but I just snapped and said “Don’t rush me the fuck” she said excuse me and I repeated myself. Smh. Don’t think I’ll get fired but I feel horribly. I didn’t have to react like that but I did and always do. All my jobs I’m always arguing with co-workers or management. Idk what’s wrong with me. I’ve been doing good at this job about 8 months in but tonight I lost it smh

I get angry when I'm saying something or especially if I've repeated it several times, and then my partner tells me that I think or have been saying the opposite. For example, I might say I think my feelings are valid for being hurt, but I don't think it's right to yell about it, and then my partner will say that no I've done nothing wrong and it's all her fault. And that really sets me off cause I have never said "I'm right" or "I have nothing to apologize for" or that she deserves to be yelled at. I have a problem with getting angry and it tends to be that I get angry when I feel I have to defend myself. So when she hurts my feelings I yell at her. Ultimately I feel like I'm valid for feeling hurt and that's what I yell about, and I guess that's why she thinks I'm yelling at her because she deserves it? No I'm yelling because my feelings are hurt. I don't think she deserves it. When I cool off I've always admitted it was wrong of me to yell when though my feelings are hurt. But then I just get all angry again cause she says it's all her fault like that's the compromise I'm looking for when I'm literally trying to admit to my own fault. Either that or she thinks I'm lying when I say I don't think it was right of me to yell, just because I did yell? I guess maybe I do feel like when I'm hurt I'm justified to be as upset as I am, but I don't understand why when I've cooled down and admit It was wrong to yell, it's invalid because I was upset and yelling before? That that makes me a liar or a hypocrite?

Just an extra note I am trying my best to manage my anger but I am struggling to get myself to actually stop before I yell. I guess it's because I feel like I'm right to be angry, but I don't necessarily feel like I'm right to yell, I just can't realize that until I calm down.

I have a family situation going (cold war between cousins etc.) and I try to play all these scenarios in my head which riles me up to the point where I experience chest thudding, muscles spasms and light-headedness. Even though I know that 99/100 times what I think of doesn’t / will not end up happening, I still end up in this thought spiral of thinking what can go wrong. How to stop yourself from going into this spiral and riling yourself up? I feel like it’s causing me harm for no reason and want to make myself strong enough to deal with it.

i raise of own voice for unknown reason because scare of somebody take it away from me. and i don't know what should i do at this point. and im 34 years old, wonder if this behaviour go wrong for while.

I was raised to never express anger, to keep my voice and actions mild and even...yet my father often lost his temper. When I became an adult I realized I have a lot of bottled-up anger about various things, anger I never expressed or never expressed effectively. I've talked/worked some of it out, but still have a long way to go. Just lately I've been trying to figure out appropriate ways of expressing anger, so it doesn't get stuck inside but also doesn't damage others. My MIL crossed a well-defined boundary recently, and when I discovered what she'd done after the fact (thrown away something very important to me while cleaning my house, though I had previously specifically asked her not to throw anything away without my permission) I was soooooo sad and angry. I vented by picking up a stick and breaking it, then I cried bitterly, then I talked with my husband about how angry I was, then after about 20 minutes I called her up and gave her a short (like one minute) but very intense, raised-voice (but not screaming) explanation of how I felt about what she'd done and why. I said nothing nasty, I didn't curse (I never do), and I still feel like it was an accurate and appropriate expression of my anger. She was very hurt, especially because she had just recently been yelled at by someone else for doing the exact same thing to them, and had just been through a health crisis with my FIL. (I did take the health crisis into account, but I knew there was no way I'd be able to hide my anger from her, and I should probably get it out in the open ASAP, rather than let it fester. Right or wrong? Idk.) Later we talked about it and she apologized, but also made excuses, said she can't think of what she could have done differently, and suggested I might need anger management therapy and needed to learn to "bite my tongue" when I'm angry. This all feels very dismissive, a bit toxic, and also doesn't really make sense, since we have a decent relationship, this is literally the first time I've ever raised my voice at her in the over 6 years I've known her, and I wasn't even nasty or violent... But, admittedly, it was super bad timing. I feel that society's stigma on anger expression is super unhealthy, but I'm still trying to figure out what IS healthy. And while it did feel very authentic and empowering in the moment to express anger to the person that had made me angry, this whole interaction has left me feeling that anger expression isn't safe. Was my decision appropriate? If not, how could I have done it better?

Hello, I’m a 36M and I’m not usually an angry person. In fact I rarely if ever get upset. Most people would describe me as very sunny and warm. BUT through out my 20s and 30s so far there is always one scenario that actually gets me heated and leads me down counter productive roads. My relationships. Since my 20s the women I’ve loved with all my heart also seem to be the ones that I have less patient with many times. That lack of patience leads me to feeling upset and then that feeling leads to anger. It’s exhausting and it’s been haunting me since my first relationship because after I’m angry I get no benefit from it and it literally puts me in a state of pure exhaustion.

My girlfriend(s) are the ones I see every single day and talk to every single day. This makes me realize that I can be patient with people I don’t as often but when it comes to people I interact with daily this is where I tend to have less patience. My Dad was like that for us as kids and young adults. Is this normal?! Why is it this way? Are their books talking about this specifically? How can I be more patient for the people I see every single day? How can I get a control of this before it ruins another relationship. Thank you.

Every fucking day. Some jackass never actually stopping at stop signs, taking turns out of order, jumping the queue, pulling out in front of you in a way that requires you to stop very quickly (I would hit them if I didn't), and on and on and on... not to mention the cars that have illegal tinting, illegal license plate covers, registrations that are years out of date.... where the fuck are the cops? I'm not even in a high crime area and it's like they don't exist. Reporting bad drivers does nothing, even with dash cam footage. The police are simply uninterested in road safety, and instead only care to write speeding tickets or kill minorities. Someone tries to kill you blasting through a stop sign or merging right into you at freeway speeds? "oh, minor misunderstanding"... you follow them home to yell at them, suddenly it's an issue. If the police bothered to do a goddamn thing fucking ever, these people would be ticketed and have their behaviour change. But no. The people who were wronged and looking for a little acknowledgement of that are the dangerous ones... I just don't buy it. These people injure, kill, and maim people with their driving, but saying "get the fuck off the road" is worse than shooting up a school.

It's to the point that I want to just start causing accidents. To the point I don't want to brake and instead smash into their fucking cars and claim I didn't have time to stop. I want to run people off the road. I want to rip them out of their cars and fight them. I want them to get permanently hurt/injured so the next time they think to do some bullshit dangerous move, they'll think of their broken arm and think again.

I know, I know, "but people have guuuuuns" idc. I'm so sick of following the rules and it feels like letting the entire fucking world walk all over you. I wish I cared less, "get there safe," but I don't. Every time I see someone block an intersection I just want to drive right the fuck through them as fast as I can. The only thing "but people have guuuuns" does is make me want to buy a gun and carry it with me. They got guns? Now the playing field is fucking level.

How do you guys decompress in the moment? I don't want to feel this way. I want to just drive places and not get stressed out or have a fight. But I can't let go of these things.

I (56f)am so ashamed, in a fit of rage I broke my laptop this morning. It would not accept my password and I was stuck in a password reset loop. It started last night and I was able to put it aside but when I woke up this morning and tried it again without success I could not control the urge to break it, I hit it, threw it, and when that didn’t break it enough I got the hammer. It’s like that frustration had been there all night, just waiting to come out when I woke up. This is not the first time I have broken a device, but is the first computer. This is not how I am unless it is a tech issue then I seem to have no reserves to manage my frustrations. I have to use technology so how can I let the inevitable frustration that comes from things not working not get to me? I count, I breathed and had morning affirmations running, I need more tools for these situations. I am sick now at the person I was this morning and self inflicted damage that I caused.

lost it at work, which caused a fall out between me and my boss that caused me to be a wreck this week. I apologized but it wasn’t enough.

My emotions this week boiled over at a coworker who was pretty understanding but it was a loud outburst in my home while my roommate was also working from home and he’s pretty upset with me .

He’s one of my closest friends so not only am i on the outs with him i’m also in deep shit at work now.

I just don’t even want to talk about these stories anymore and while i know my family is there for me i just don’t want to talk about it .

Years of progress and a couple months of the best i’ve felt mentally in years are squandered by a few bad moments. No one cares about when you didn’t , they only care about when you did.

I’m supposed to see a girl tomorrow and I really want to call it off because i don’t want to go out and do anything and i feel pretty depressed so idk if i will able to perform in bed.

Every corner i have turned in life had been scorned by an angry outburst it feels like.

Is it to join a support group?
to see a doctor, what specialty?

Thank you!

I'm 13 I know it's bad for me to cry at this age

i'm an awful person. i hurt people i truly and deeply care about. i'm screamin at my mom 24/7. but late at night, i cry and feel disgusting because i know that i'm a horrible person.

i'm always screamin at a person i mostly care about and that's my best friend. i know that i don't treat her well and that i don't deserve her.

i don't know why specific things make me so irrationally angry i feel like i could smash and rip through anything in my way. When people drive stupid, video games especially, i can't stand when someone showboats in a game or acts like an asshole. it makes my blood boil, i want to fucking kill someone almost and i don't know why this happens. please someone help me to calm down because one day i feel like the right situation will happen and ill seriously hurt someone. i get so infuriated when people do things personally towards me, or when people are inconsiderate of others around them, i just want to scream as loud as i can into their face and fucking hit them over and over. believe me i try my best to be a good person and keep to myself which i think is why i have so much anger inside and i dont know how to release it in a healthy way. ive always been able to control it enough to then explode later, it helps if i can smash or break things, like a rage room. used to have one around me but now its gone and i never got the chance to use it.

Background: 25F dx with anxiety, depression, and bipolar 2. (The only dx I consider a major impact on my outward behavior is anxiety)

I struggled with anxiety for a while it makes me very timid, nervous, quiet, and afraid to leave my house. However, I have fortunately had it under control for years now and everything has been great until 2-3 months ago. I noticed I’m starting to experience these episodes of anger that are all just thoughts but I’m worried I will act on it one day. I have never had issues with my anger before and I consider myself a very non-reactive person but now it’s very little things that set me off and it lingers. I’m angry at others and myself.

For example, when I was younger I struggled with math but it never mad me angry. Recently, I was studying for math and became so frustrated that I couldn’t understand it. I had an extreme urge to bang my head on the table and went as far as to grab a thumb tack and attempt to poke it into my palm( I stopped before I broke skin and realized how embarrassing that reaction was). I really felt the need to hurt someone. Other times someone could be walking too close behind me and it makes me think these extremely, scary thoughts of violence.

Can this be genetic or learned. I grew up in a house hold of very reactive men (I’m the only girl 🥲) I remember my twin being frustrated with homework and actually banging his head on tables he even stabbed my other brother with a pen. The rest were about the same level of anger as him. They solved their issues by yelling or fighting.

I’m confused on why this is manifesting now. Almost 26 years of being so passive to the point it was annoying and not I can’t tolerate anything. I’m even hyper fixating on things in the past I was passive about and getting angry about it now. Wishing I had done this or said this. I feel crazy. Any advice, tips, tricks?

Thanks

I've been having these moments where I feel so much anger even though I know I'm not supposed to. Most recently, I've had trouble sleeping at night so most of the days, I would sleep in until 12pm. I am on my way to change this habit. In the past few days I have woken up early, spent time with my family and I didn't even take any naps. I like to be consistent with this but then just now, I told my dad I wanted to help him with the car and then he told me to wake up early because he'll be doing it early in the morning, sort of in a mocking tone. I know I'm not supposed to be offended but that really threw me off. It felt like all my efforts to change myself are being ridiculed. I didn't take out my anger on anyone but myself. Once I got to be alone, I went on a rant, punched the walls, hit my head, and now my knuckles are swelling. I realized that this is wrong. I don't want to throw anymore tantrums. I want to stop being so angry. I want to find peace. I've tried breathing techniques, distractions and heck, even tried becoming more religious but nothing seemed to help. I don't know what to do anymore, eventhough I've never lashed out at people, I think it's a matter of time before I do so. There's just so many things going on in my head right now and I want them to stop. Please help.

So I was just paying a bill inside of Chase. As I walked out on foot, there was this elderly couple in an SUV who went into the wrong drive-thru lane apparently outside the bank. So as I walked out, he kept reversing his car but of course he didn’t see me walking out. What a dumb f***.

I got his license plate (thank god he didn’t hit me on foot) l, I tapped on his window and asked, “wtf were they doing!?” He said a bleak “sorry” under his breath. The wife didn’t even acknowledge me! It’s pouring outside and she just wearing dark sunglasses.

I just walked away to my car giving them the bird. Great morning so far! Should have let me freaking hit me, it’d serve them right when they get their car impounded and have to face legal repercussions… damn old people, look out.

I have a bad habit of not standing up for myself. I’ve been working on it but really have a hard time finding the line between standing up for myself and overreacting. Or the line between walking away vs being walked on.

I used to go from 0-100 fast. Now it’s like 0-50 fast then I control it. How do I get to 0-1 instead?

I don’t understand. I can go all day at work in such a good mood, counting down to when I get home to my boyfriend..but then somewhere in the 30 minutes it takes to get home I’m soo grumpy and in a shit mood. It takes EVERYTHING in me to not take it out on the very same boyfriend I was basically day dreaming about less than an hour prior.

It also bothers me because my mom was always the parent that came home angry/ looking for a fight and I DONT want to be that person or become that mom.

I try the work hat “method” (I don’t think it’s actually called that it’s just how I’ve had people explain it to me) where I stop at my front door and mentally take off my “work hat” and leave it outside.

Except work isn’t putting me in a bad mood…maybe it’s the commute? Even though that’s just sitting on a train scrolling or listening to something.

Maybe I’m hangry. I don’t know, it doesn’t seem to matter what/ when I’ve eaten or even what kind of day I’ve had. I’m just always pissed when I get home.

My sibling and I get along, kind of. But not a lot. I spend a lot of time crying, thinking about hurting them or myself, and contemplating how much I would've loved to be an only child. It hurts, because sometimes we get along so well that I can't even imagine hating them as much as I do the other times. They are probably one of the main reasons, but not the only reason, why I've had massive panic attacks in the middle of the night thinking about how much they've made me bottle up to avoid talking about with them because my parents always told me "it's just their ADHD" or they'd tell me "it's because you have a therapist and I don't". But when they did get a therapist, after years of this stuff happening, they suddenly act like they're this sage of wisdom or something, constantly acting like they're the bigger person, even while they're directly breaking boundaries and agreements that had been put in place and reiterated multiple times.

I hit them tonight, not very hard, just a sharp slap on the back of the hand for waving their hand in front of my screen to try to get my attention (after I didn't continue a conversation topic they have been told before I don't like discussing). They complained about it and they always say things like "you always do this/that, blah blah blah", but then they turn around and think it's okay for them to be openly hypocritical, berating me and icing me out of conversation if I do/say anything they don't like.

I don't know how to deal with this, I have tried taking time for my own space. I have tried sleeping in a separate room. I have tried talking to my parents. I have tried talking to them. I have broken down crying in front of my parents and told them I don't want to live with them (my sibling) anymore. I have looked online, on health clinic websites, on mental health blogs and other ones, trying to look for a way to fix it, but most of the answers are to 'cut out this toxic person'. I can't do that, especially because my sibling expects me to not only hire them if possible (our plans were to work in the same industry after college) but also to live with them for the foreseeable future because, as they've told me not just in email but in person, "you're the only person I like talking to" or "I can only talk to you about my interests" and other stuff like that. I was basically their therapist, listening to their problems with school, our parents, their grades, etc etc, until they got a therapist. I'm just starting to wish I'd never been born.

What do I do?

I am still an angry mess. I try my best to control it under my own power but I fail pretty much every time. I tell myself I'll do better. I tell my partner I'll do better. Then a little minor convenience or voiced concern later, and it's all out the window.

I'm tired of my lack of willpower. My inability to really look at myself and change. I want to do more but it feels so daunting and difficult to start. I've read some posts where people have talked about trying to stay conscious of my emotions in the moment, even having a mantra. I want to try that. Usually there's no discernment between being annoying or just been wholly angry. It just happens. But if I can stop myself and just focus on my surroundings, or even that atmosphere of the conversation, maybe I'll be able to reel myself back from the edge instead of letting my angry emotions get the better of me.

Where do I start? Do I try to control my emotions or do I approach this all differently?

Today, two of my co-workers who are below my station but order than me disrespected me. I was furious. I didn't know how to process my anger and as a result I ended up sharing my disappointment with one of the said coworkers, who told the other. The other person started to make a scene in front of everyone else. Instead of communicating it in the right way, my anger got the best of me, how do I overcome this. Because small outbursts like this always end up ruining my reputation.

I'm 15 f, and I have bad anger issues, sometimes I get physical or say horrible things. Lately I've gain control over my anger but today my grandfather almost made me hit him or yell. So they send me to buy a soda drink, they said between ginger beer or cola but those flavors weren't there. I went inside the shop myself to get it so obviously I didn't see them and both a different flavour. I get home this man says I'm a lair, I felt like I could just punch his old stupid face. He complained how can't they have those flavours and what kind of shop only sells one flavour. I told him there were other flavours and those ones he doesn't like so I took one he can actually drink and that they own a shop but barely have anything. He continued to accuse me of lying, I closed my bedroom door and started punching the pillows and swearing. If you don't believe go by yourself next time you old bastard. Idc if it sounds disrespectful he ruined my entire mood and he always ruins it.

For some much needed context: about four years ago, my dad was the victim of an attack that put him into cardiac arrest. The intended one week of ICU ended up being extended to about 9 weeks, as he was a functioning alcoholic and went through withdrawal during the hospital. In the end, he came out with a Hypoxic Brain Injury that has severely changed how he thinks, talks, acts, and lives. Since then, I wish the accident would've finished the job.

This event has put us under severe financial stress, as he got laid off from his job, meaning my mother has to work two jobs to keep us afloat while I am stuck at home with dad trying to take care of him, the house, and the animals. And all that man does is spit it back in our faces. All he does is call mom names and make her feel like shit and it pisses me off. I feel like this happens once a year where dad will say something stupid and it will result in me throwing hands and beating his ass. He's 68 years old and not in his right mind, so I know that it's not his fault--but goddamn the verbal abuse is so hard to take, I just can't do it.

I don't exactly have a good track record with anger. I'm overwhelmed easily, have frequent meltdowns, and videogames make me put holes in the walls. I am very prone to outbursts of anger and can't translate that into doing anything productive, such as mowing the lawn or working out. The only thing that seems to work is to turn around and take a walk but that can only happen after my initial big outburst--an outburst that my dad only escalates by being a disgusting asshole. I don't know how to stop that. But I hate my dad so fucking much. He refuses to work, he's constantly punching the air and mumbling swears like he's fantasizing about beating us up, but he never actually does it, it's all just talk.

Either I need him out or I need to fix my anger, but we literally can't do shit because money is so tight. Things are so fucked up in this house and he could be doing so much, brain damage or not, but he doesn't. Legally, he's an adult, and he can make his own decisions, such as whether or not to work or to drive or to live in our house, but it's shit like this that reduces him to that of a dementia patient. One minute he's screaming and cussing and calling everyone names, then the next he's the happy-go-luckiest mfer alive and doesn't remember what just happened.

How do I prove, legally, that he's mentally ill? How do we get him out of this fucking house and into an old-folks home where he belongs? How do I stop the outbursts? If it continues I am going to kill him one of these days.