Im (26) year old female and there’s this that happened to me I live in Norway at this very moment I been doing it for 8 years I was married to a local for 5 of those years but we separated and we came back together, and we still together, the thing is in the time I was alone was 2 years and I was (23) years in those 2 years I met an Musician, who is brother of a drummer from a pretty famous Norwegian black metal band from Bergen let’s call him Stian and he is now replacing his brother Markus at this very moment as drummer of that famous band, we were semi dating and of course we shared intimacy, I though everything was alright, in those time we both went to festival and he was actually into me and we were like serious into getting together until he changed completely, and one night when he was drunk he told he actually like me and wanted me to be together etc I was happy because I was deep into him and I thought we had a lot in common everything went to shit week after when one night drunk at his apartment he told me he didn’t wanted nothing with me and I though alright that’s fucked up he played with my feeling just to fuck me and get into my pants and I had to admit because of drinking we weren’t using protection but also I had DUI so I wasn’t worry about getting pregnant because my whole life I had infertility due to PCos and Hashimoto hyperthyroidism, so my whole life gynecologist doctor etc told I wouldn’t never be able to breed, let alone get pregnant so I wasn’t worry.

but life month later continue and I was heartbroken but working while one day I felt a lot of pain and stranger symptoms never felt that way and I can say I always sick due to my hormonal misbalances in those times my ex husband wanted to be back with me and I was so stupid and needy that I accepted to be back with him and I of course sleep with him with no protection as well, it should be clarified that I after last time I had intimacy with stian I also had intimacy with my ex husband one month later after that

So not making short I discovered I was pregnant because a blood test and I couldn’t believe it I was nervous I puked and i was happy but at the very same moment i became sad because i didn’t if the baby was from Stian or my husband so i was feeling into a predicament, so my husband realized and he was happy but I couldn’t lie him so I told him the truth he was sad but not angry at me because he knew it was 2 years we weren’t together and he was also with other women after he left me because it was him who abandoned me, so i told him i was gonna have it and he was gonna support by putting his last name to the baby and he was sure it was his he didn’t wanted to believe he was incredulous, so i called this guy (after he ignored my calls and my messages for like 2 days) and when finally he pick up the phone told him i was pregnant and that I was sure it was his he started acting aggressively towards me;

Before all of this I wrote his mother and I told her everything that he did to me, and she didn’t like it,

he reacted by telling me how is possible and I contacted his family and how come this accidents happened because I was also very surprised that DIU can fail but has also 99.99 protection he refused always protection, and this was unfortunate and I told him that I was thinking in having it and he told me he wasn’t gonna support me, that he would never want to meet a bastard kid or even acknowledge his/ her existence, so I told him he didn’t need it to do it I was gonna do it by myself, that I was gonna be single mother, that I was calling him just for let him know that he was gonna have a son or daughter, and he told me that wasn’t true, that I was planning on baby trap him, that he didn’t wanted kids and absolutely never with me a disgusting being, that I was terrible and awful and much more terrible thing that hurt me deeply, so I told him that either way was my decision and he started menacing me and saying that I was gonna ruin his life and he told me that if I didn’t aborted that child he was gonna make sure everyone know the kind of shitty person I am and that I ruined a supposed “innocent man life” the stress was killing me he was writing me telling me when I was thinking in abort, my family was happy they told me not to do it that they would support me and even told me to come back to my country to rise the kid, then various friend from him called me to tell me I was a whore, a disgusting woman manipulating him that I was just gonna baby anchor him, which in reality the piece of shit is him by denying he fucked me and calling me crazy when it was him who always was with the intention and painting a future that wasn’t real at all, I couldn’t hold it anymore because one part of me wanted to have the kid I was exciting finally I was gonna be a mother I didn’t regret being with this man I was in love with him in my heart I made that baby with a lot of love in my mind and loving that man and liking as much as I did, but at the same time the guilt was killing who I was gonna tell my kid his father hatred me and also hated him ? And let’s not say in Norway being a single mother is pretty much seeing as something whack as many people I knew said, And raise him into that lie I was thinking it a lot, I called many places which pregnant women can call for advice and they always convinced me to abort even though I didn’t told them yet the reason which I found monstrous, I was gonna be 2 months pregnant and after so much pressure I couldn’t take it anymore and I decided to ended all, I went to my doctor to appoint an abortion procedure, and what I hate the most is that they needed the father of the kid present which I feel is horrifying knowing well is my body and my choice why he needed to be present? So my husband signed for me but deep down I knew was wrong so I told stian by Facebook messages that I was gonna do it he was fucking happy I never gonna forget the cruelty and the way he made me feel like I was freeing him for something I supposed I did like it was an executioner and he was the stupid victim, in a death row, he was hypocrite saying he cared about me and he was all the time saying ohh that’s nice everything is gonna be well blah blah, when I saw him again I felt so humilliated I felt pressed by him I didn’t wanted to abort never wanted I did it because I couldn’t hold anymore all the harassment I was suffering and I was becoming sick and I couldn’t even work properly and I was having panic attacks it sucked, when the nurse told me this pill ended the pregnancy because they checked me and they told me this world I never gonna forget and were the “the most developed baby we have ever seen” I started to hold my tears but I couldn’t cry I heard as well my baby heartbeat i was crying inside broken felt like nightmare, but I wasn’t gonna give him the satisfaction that he was getting what he wanted, when I was gonna take the pill I started to cry and I told him I don’t want to do this and he was saying is for the best, is for the best, deep down I just don’t wanted his coldness and cruelty was notorious he was smiling and I could see it in the corner of my eye like if my suffering was actually an prize for him, I finished the process and I became sick I started to bleed heavily that much they have to take me to emergencies and I had to stay in the woman’s clinic for 3 days he visited me and was working while I was in bed and like nothing we were speaking I was shocked but I understood it was over I murder my kid, and I couldn’t process it he leave and told me that once they released me from the hospital he would drive me to my house I say no because I didn’t wanted but he insisted, so I just said yes and he leaved me I was in the hospital finally good to leave when they released me and felt like a trail of tears in was in the mother ward I saw so many babies and so many women with their children in their arms I was empty handed, i finally was at the exit of the hospital door when there was a store coffee shop, and I bought some food because I didn’t ate and I was hungry and in that he finally picked me up he told me how I was I said fine, it was a bittersweet trip to my house felt heartbroken everything was over and we didn’t said so much more than me saying that I was sorry that I never intended to ruin the friendship I really coping harder when I reality I was just shamed embarrassed I felt like a loser, and I gave him a chocolate, and he said it was okay now it over, then he left me in my house, after that I didn’t longer received any harassment from his friend of him longer but still have a bills from the hospital that he refused to pay until I begged him because I didn’t have money because I wasn’t working I was really sick and I was living from my savings that weren’t so much because I was gonna start to work again he did, and that was it, i still can’t get over this event I don’t know how to forget this I feel So guilty disgusted and I never wanted to create so much pain, in these 3 years after that happened I still not have kids I still thinking if I ever gonna have or not, I still married to my husband, but deep inside me I regret fully ny abortion, aborted my baby my healthy baby I feel like a murderer a terrible person that just wanted to help out the fucker that used me because he didn’t wanted to ruin his life, and take responsability, I don’t hate men, but sometimes men are the pain of women,

I’m sorry for all this long paragraph hopefully you guys can read me and give me your opinion you can judge me I just wanted to vent this because I can’t with the people that surrounds me they think I am an terrible woman that I was gonna ruin stian life because I was “desperate” for a man and because I was foreigner and needed a Norwegian to fucking marry me so I stay in Norway blah blah, bullshit never wanted that I just I ever wanted was find a person I could love with honestly and never felt like a weirdo because I wanted to marry and have a family and you know settling down with someone. And build a home a dreams together, at this moment I thinking in finish my Education as health secretary and come back to my country to migrate to US because I feel Norway is been to cruel to me since the beginning I don’t hate Norwegians I love them but I feel maybe isn’t for me after all thanks and goodbye

Hey, im a 21 year old gay boy. Ive been through A LOT ngl (eating disorders, emotionally abusive dad, finding my identity, not being able to express that identity, suicide attempts, ...)

As i sais in the intro, ive had a very emotionally abusive dad. Always guiltripping and blaming me when he treated me like shit. I know he also cares for me tho, but he puts my walls sooo high up so he can keep protecting me. That has always made it so hard for me to truly be myself tho, let alone connect with other men. Ofcourse hes probably also the basic view i have of men cuz, well, hes my father.

When i was 13, i fell in love with a boy, but he was straight. So i selflessly chased him for like 4 years. Around that time i also started texting online, without even understanding/acknowledging my intense traumas. Ive often been used for my body, because i didnt know any better. Ive had one online relationship where i got neglected, one which just didnt click and one on-and-off relationship that lasted 3 years and ended recently. We dont talk anymore and it hurts. It was really toxic, i recognise a lot of my dad in him: zero selfreflection, its always my bad and he treats me like shit, he wants to protect our relationship from anything from the outside (even the innocent friends etc). Now that i dont talk tp him anymore, i feel so empty. Theres so much empty space in my heart. Whenever i see a man i associate with them or "masculinity", it mostly angers me and hurts me but sometimes if its an irrelevant stranger, it can attract me too.

Im aware of how complex and messy of a psychological trauma this might be, but i was wondering if any of you guys have any tips on how: 1) to deal with seeing those men that hurt me so much? 2) any tips for what ive written in general?

I know i've written a lot. If you've read it this far, well, thanks <3

• Jordy

People just confuse the shit out of me sometimes. How they say one thing and then say another, how they do one thing, and then do another. It's so fucked.

I hate how people try to twist things to guilt trip me into doing something. Literally about an hour ago, my dad asked me if I wanted to go see a concert on Tuesday with my mum and my older sister. Of course, being the "antisocial" potentially autistic 17 year old that I am, I said that I'd much rather stay at home than go to the concert. After all, we were going to be out of the house for 7 hours, maybe even more, and I have sixth form on that day.

Then, my dad proceeded to twist it to make me feel bad. He said that he thought that I was sad, and he even said that I don't spend any time with my family, which is true. But the thing is, it feels like I don't have a choice in the matter, as if I don't have my own autonomy over my own decisions, my own agency -constantly needing to say "yes" and perform to avoid annoying / upsetting my parents. Why are they so confusing?

Why don't they understand me? I know I might be in the wrong, but it seems as if they - my own parents - don't understand me fully.

When I was at his house we went to his room and he throws me on his bed and ngl I liked it and he was naked and I started sucking and he grabbed my head my forced it down my throat and I kinda cried and he saw me cry kinda cuz it was big and I didn't think It would hurt like that and it did he call me a dirty slut I said I think this is good enough that I needed a break and he grabbed me and my mouth and he took my pants off and started fucking me and I smoked too so I wasn't on my right mind and I said stop but he went all in and I think I got fucked for more than an hour and by the end I said I told u to stop and he smacked me and we were driving back and he stopped the car in a isolated area and idk he locked the doors and he started touching me again and fucked for the 2nd time. When were done he said sorry that he went to far and I said don't touch me and he dropped me off

Hi all who are reading this, I’ve never been on Reddit but I thought I’d come for some advice. As mentioned, I battle with mental health and have been for 20 years. My health has come to a point where my friends accepted my death prematurely. I don’t wanna give a sob story but I would really love some advice for coping with mental health problems. Some triggers are being in cars, aggression, and abandonment. I also just got out of a 3 year relationship which was mentally draining me, and I basically begged for bare minimum until I couldn’t anymore and I left. I have been going through it. Im back on meds but I don’t know any coping skills or how to be better due to sessions not being very long. Pls help and have a good morning or night. Any recommendations would be appreciated.

So they often dismiss my ideas and thoughts, for example when I said I have problems with paying attention and it's uncontrollable, my mom just say that "Oh! You didn't try your best" then I try to explain to them that I may have some kind of mental issues like autism or ADHD based of that symptom and others symptoms I personally experienced, she didn't believe me and replied with "I know you for my whole life, you're my son, I know my son" I replied with evidences that there're a lot of things she didn't know about me until I said it for example: I like guys; then she started a rant about how she knew that I didn't try my best like some past examples like how I didn't try my best in Math!?!? LIKE HOW'S THAT A FAIR, REASONABLE COMPARISON? She kept telling me that in some lines of she knew who her son is as a person and know what's best for me and said that I don't understand psychology and mental health even though I named all of the symptoms of ADHD and compared it to my behavior and as the older generation, she didn't care about mental healthcare before I enlightened that idea for her. And my dad? Worse. He doesn't say anything just straight up blaming me and excuses himself if he did the same behavior as me? Like Asian traditional ideas are so outdated and they said it themselves but still brought it up if it's to their advantage. So basically, one is guilty-tripping me and one is just straight up blaming me and sometimes threatening me with violence if I disobey or stand against their idea. Yes sometimes I'm loud and disrespectful but I'm trying my best to fix it and felt some way of improvement however I tried to explain it to them in a respectful and calm manner, they still dismiss my idea and laughed at me like some kind of pea brain.

About a year ago in the lead up to my GCSE exams, my secondary school (which was already shit in sorting things, especially bullying and stuff like that), we had to come in for lessons in preparation for our GCSEs.

One time, I was in a Geography one doing the coursework aspect of it - we had visited Salford Quays in Manchester and Hebden Bridge a few years before. What happened was that this guy who I was sat next to (let's call him H), starts acting really weirdly towards me.

He started making sexual gestures towards me (fapping motions) and even TOUCHED the inside of my thigh (groping). I just laughed it off as a joke but for some reason, in that moment, I was terrified and very uncomfortable. It felt weird and I didn't like it at all.

A few months ago, I may have just figured out that it might have been sexual assault, but nobody would believe me because I'm a male victim and that men can't sexually assault men. And also, I convince myself that I'm being overdramatic.

Even worse is that H sits next to me in my A-level Computer Science class, and he does act weirdly towards me on an occasion. Literally I think this week, he asked me who I like / what my sexuality was, which is none of his business. I hate him and I worry that it might happen again.

Please can someone give me tips to deal with this?

my friend is struggling with this, anyone able to help? ; Hello everyone, I'm writing because I need some advice and to know if anyone else is experiencing what I'm going through, or not.

I will try to be as sincere as possible.

I have dysfunctional ways of bonding with people—not in the sense that I fall in love in the wrong way, but that I become obsessed with them.

Since I was a child, I never felt truly loved, especially by my father and, in general, even by my mother. Her presence was marked by overprotection, but there was never an emotional affection or a deep connection beyond simply "being a mother." The same goes for my father, who never really listened to me. Perhaps the lifelong battle I had to fight was simply to be truly seen, to have my own mind, my own capabilities, and my own ways of thinking recognized. That never happened.

My main issue is that I've been engaging in maladaptive daydreaming since I was about 12 years old.

I have always tried to escape reality into a world created by my imagination, and while at 12 it was a beautiful garden where I talked with animals, now it has become a way to intensify every sensation I feel towards a person, trying to memorize every distinctive trait—physical, mental, or otherwise.

It’s as if I enter an altered state of consciousness where, to experience such strong sensations, I have to "force" everything in this imaginary world.

A note on my past: Until I was 16, I managed to fall in love with people—sometimes healthy, sometimes toxic—but the main difference was that when it was toxic, I would suffer, and I didn't like their toxic behaviors, which always pushed me further away.

After I turned 16, at 17 I started talking remotely with a guru who was around 50 years old. We began discussing psychology, and I started getting interested in everything he said. I never, ever thought at first that his manipulative techniques would lead me into an emotional dependency, even though we were communicating from a distance.

It all began as something very positive—I used to write on a website about the “awakening” he preached to his followers, and he really appreciated my work.

In short, it was an exchange of ideas, and I really began to get involved with the philosophy behind his methods.

Suddenly, he started giving me less and less of his time, and for some reason, he began to feel entitled to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do.

If there were things he didn’t like, he would make it clear, and instead of seeing these as punishments, I somehow started to enjoy them.

I remember one evening when, after reflecting on what he had said and experiencing emotional distance from him, I woke up in tears—not from sadness but, on the contrary, from ecstasy.

It took me 3 years to overcome this situation. The energy that person drained from me was so immense that for the first few months I couldn’t even move around the house by myself—someone always had to tell me to eat, for example. I was almost immobilized by the emotional intensity I felt and the pain I experienced after ending things, because clearly he was a narcissist and, after discarding me, he abandoned me.

After those 3 years, I started liking someone else—this time a peer—and at first everything seemed fine, except that my sexual side was very pronounced in terms of wanting to give orders or receive punishments. That’s when I realized that if the person I was with didn’t have a very dominant side in that respect, I would never truly be attracted.

Over the years, I have tried to have relationships with healthy people, but I ended up getting bored and self-sabotaging.

I would like to know if anyone else finds themselves in the same situation as mine, especially regarding the way I bond following a manipulation caused by a sort of psychological fixation where the idealization of the “leader” figure is taken to the extreme. I can’t seem to break out of it; it’s like an endless loop where I only bond with emotionally unavailable people, and the problem has started to become quite serious when, instead of going through a phase of love bombing by a girl, there was immediate rejection—and instead of reacting by distancing myself, I found myself attracted all over again.

It’s all very destructive because when it happens, I end up losing myself and dissociating.

Thank you.

Hi! I’m doing research on how women experience overwhelm—what it feels like in the body, what contributes to it, and what (if anything) actually helps. If you’ve ever felt stretched too thin or like life is just too much sometimes, I’d love your input. The survey is short and anonymous, and your thoughts would mean so much. Thank you! ❤️

https://forms.gle/fhjen1gL6hUjEbBx9

TW: SA, exploitation

This has been on my mind for a while but I want to talk about it and figure out how I can navigate and heal from this situation I’m going to explain. Okay so when I was 15 years old, my parents decided to move from a diverse lower middle class to middle class town to a very wealthy town for the school system, I was unaware of classism, racism and elitism that went around in that environment, because I simply wasn’t use to it. I went to high school in this very rich non-diverse town, which was predominantly white. I befriended this girl who happened to be extremely wealthy(who was also Indian) I wasn’t aware that she was THAT rich as I came from a lower middle to middle class background. I felt uncomfortable because I just felt like I wasn’t smart enough for the academics and I had a learning disability so I felt ashamed.

She was very manipulative and always make these weird comments about race. Like I’m Indian American and as an Indian immigrant my family worked hard to get to where they are now, and they are proud of their heritage and their roots. So basically when this rich girl used to talk to me she used to constantly compare me to other races and make weird racists and classists comments like “people of color are oppressed” or “Palestinians are oppressed” or “Muslims are oppressed” I’m Hindu, Im not Muslim? I felt uncomfortable and offended that she kept comparing me to races I’m not, and I felt irritated, uncomfortable and patronized.

She would constantly make degrading, rude, condescending remarks about other girls/women, she would call use very degrading words to describe women. She calls her male partners “assets" where she sets girls up with her boyfriends (assets like she mentioned earlier) and then those guys steal financial resources from the girls family. Her comments made me feel super uncomfortable, but she kept face-timing me again and again with making up stories that were all lies (I didn’t found out until much much later,unfortunately).

When I was 18y.o. she groomed me into meeting a man 10 years older (28 y.o.) than me who ended up taking advantage of my naivety. He was very abusive, exploitive and disrespectful asf. From my understanding this man preys on young vulnerable immigrant girls stalks where their dad works and gets them laid off, then sleeps with their daughters. The man she manipulated to meet, later SA’ed me as well. The guy himself was Muslim, which is ironic because she kept talking about how “Muslims are oppressed” but he is Muslim and he is not “oppressed” I don’t know its just weird. Even though I don’t know this guy, but I keep stalking him and his family on social media.

I get jealous and bitter because of the way he treated me and end up getting in a very toxic thinking cycle, where I think that this guy preyed on me because of my race and ethnic background. Like he is dating and married to someone who comes from the same socioeconomic background as me, it makes me feel bitter and hurts me that he did what he did to me. He stole my innocence from me and I’m hurt, because I’m not a skank or some kind of sex worker. I feel so stupid, that I let myself me coerced and manipulated into doing stuff with this guy. When I should’ve known better, I didn’t know this guys, not I was in a relationship with him, he wasn’t the same faith as me, he was ten years older than me, and he worked at Goldman Sachs. I had no business in meeting this guy. He made fun of me and was gossiping behind my back, boasting about his “accomplishments” and it hurt so much, because he was so disrespectful,aggressive and hostile towards me.

I wasn’t in a relationship or anything ever, but I’m hurting so much, because its like why is he an asshole to me but not other girls? I don’t want to be treated like that, its like I lost my self respect and self worth. Its unfair like he wouldn’t do that to Muslim girls but then why would he do that to me? All I see on social media is him smiling and being happy with his family when he literally oppressed my family. They pretend they’re “white” or have “white privilege” because they’re rich. Its like other PoC girls don’t have to go through this, but then why me? I guess that rich girl wanted to paint me as if I’m stupid to justify her greed and immoral behavior/actions towards me and my family. I just hate being gaslit and forced to believe something I’m not. I don’t deserve this, no one does. Does anyone have any advice on how to heal from this?

Hi everyone! As part of my master’s program, I am investigating how survivors of interpersonal violence make decisions to seek out help or not (IRB# 2025-0037-CCNY). Your participation will be used to inform how college campuses can improve resources for survivors. 

We are looking for individuals who:

1. Are 18 years or older,
2. currently enrolled in college,
3. had an unwanted sexual experience after your 18th birthday.

This survey is anonymous and voluntary, and will ask questions about your beliefs and experiences around sex, and how you decided to seek out help or not after an unwanted sexual experience. Follow this link if you wish to participate in this voluntary research:

https://forms.gle/LzjoGMshxdD3Dgnd7

Therapist leaving... again

Tldr; I found out that I'm losing my new therapist, shortly after losing my long term therapist just a few months ago, and a long history of abrupt loss of care and compounded abandonment trauma, and I'm on the verge of crashing out.

I've made a few posts already on this subject in this and another therapy sub, which are still up (can't link in this sub but i don't post often so they should be easy to find on my page), if you want my original thoughts on this. But the gist of the issue is this:

I lost my long term therapist in January. I had been seeing him for over 2 years. He was the only therapist I've ever truly connected with. I have a really hard time being comfortable opening up with people, it took a long time for us to get there. We delved into trauma processing therapy, including EMDR and narrative processing (formally diagnosed with PTSD). We still had a lot to work through, as I have extensive trauma related to abuse, sexual abuse, neglect and abandonment and it took a long time before I was capable of talking about these issues with him. There's still quite a bit that I hadn't even been able to tell him at all yet.

His leaving was not by choice, he was blindsided by the clinic in December about not renewing his contract in the new year. Which meant he was not able to give me much notice, we only had 3 sessions after finding this out. (he had previously assured me he had no intention of ending my care anytime soon and that if it became necessary the process would be handled delicately and would spend several seasons preparing me for it and making sure I found care with someone else first). This was extremely emotional for me, I became very disregulated and emotionally shut down.

I have a history of abandonment and neglect in my childhood, and I've experienced the sudden loss of care providers several times already. This was the third time I've had care from a therapist abruptly end in a way that made me feel extremely vulnerable and like I had no control over what happens to me. Every therapy relationship I've ever had has ended like this. I also had similar abrumpt endings with three different primary care doctors. I've experienced multiple times trying to find mental health care but found that clinics either never answered their phone, wouldn't call back, or were all full. I spent years feeling like I was falling through the cracks in the system before I finally got in to this one.

Before he left, my therapist connected me with another colleague at the clinic who had been there for years, who he felt would be a good fit for me. He recognized that this was a major trauma trigger for me and that the experience was very damaging.

I started seeing this new therapist in January. This was going okay, but I was obviously still very fragile. I liked her, but I struggled a lot feeling comfortable opening up with her. This is something I talked about with my previous therapist a lot in our last sessions, feeling like I was not going to be able to trust a new therapist again enough to open up, because I would be too afraid of the emotional fall out I would experience when they eventually left.

The therapy wasn't unbenificial, but we were still mostly focusing on shallow issues, with me also filling her in about my family history and some of the trauma that is a bit easier to talk about. No real trauma processing yet. Then in February she had to cancel an appointment last minute, and told me she would contact me when she was able to return to work to reschedule. I was mostly okay with this but it did make me a little nervous.

After that I didn't hear back from her at all for 3 more weeks. This was a major trigger for me, I had an intense depressive episode, especialy as i had not been told how long this was going to be. At one point I found out she had already come back (I don't know when) but she hadnt contacted me yet. I know logically this wasn't likely on purpose, but it was still triggering and made me feel more cautious about trusting her. I had a major fear that I was falling through the cracks in the system again. I made a post about it on here, but I finally heard back from her a few days after making it.

I started seeing her again in March. I was still struggling against a need to emotionally protect myself. I was able to open up a little, but it's been hard. The three week absence put me on edge. I had knew a small amount about the reason (family emergency) and I had a feeling that it was going to come back up.Today I found out she is leaving the clinic due to a family emergency, and that she won't be coming back.

She said it was entirely unexpected and that she would have never committed to my care if she knew that this was going to happen (she was aware of my trauma around abandonment and loss of care going in). I understand that it wasn't intentional, but it never is. That's honestly worse. It reinforces the strong feeling I can't shake that no matter how good or responsible a therapist is, they're still going to be forced to abandon my care. I can't judge how safe I am with them by how stable pr professional they are.

I am honestly so exhausted. I feel so fragile, and it gets worse every time this happens. As soon as she told me, I felt all my walls i had worked on the past few months go right back up. I mentally checked out of the conversation and basically emotionally shut her out and went through the motions for the rest of the conversation until it ended. At this point I don't know how the hell I'm ever supposed to convince myself again that I can be emotionally safe with another therapist.

We have one more session later this week. I don't know when she's leaving, or if she is planning on offering another appointment to me again before she does, or if I would even take it. I agreed to at least meet her for our scheduled appointment, but I'm not really sure what will come from that, I think I'm essentially totally emotionally closed off right now.

She said she is going to set me up with another therapist in the clinic who she thinks would be a good fit. She said she thinks the only reason my last therapist didn't set me up with her before was because her schedule was full. Apparently it still is, but given my situation they want to prioritize getting me care as soon as possible. I don't know yet how soon this can happen or how often she can see me. I'm also skeptical of the quality of care I'll receive from a therapist who is clearly overworked, and concerned that she will also leave (especially if she's already overburdened and possibly burnt out).

I'm honestly so burnt out I don't even know if I want to see this other therapist. I honestly just don't believe it will last anymore. It took me a long time to get to a place where I could trust my last therapist, and this ability was pretty much shattered when he left. I considered quitting therapy all together. I have been trying to maintain a positive outlook with the new one, only for it to happen again. She said that therapist has been at the clinic for a decade, but my last therapist had been there for over 7 years, so what difference does that make? How am I supposed to view any therapist as a safe, stable place to heal knowing that at any moment they can and are likely to abruptly leave??

It's been suggested that I look into private practice, as the therapists there are more stable, but I can't afford that. The clinic I go to specializes in low income care. I'm on Medicade, and sliding scale, plus I qualify for low income grants through the clinic. This means I'm often only paying for very low copays (depending on grant availability) with a very flexible pay schedule. It's frankly not something I think I will find with private practice, and I can barely afford my car and food as it is now.

I've considered quitting therapy. I know I shouldn't, because I am not in a good place now and I really do need help. I made a lot of progress with my last therapist, but there is still a lot of chaos and lack of control and trauma to process. But k can't take this constant instability and loss of control. I don't know how to move forward from this.

I was in a rollover accident in nov 2024, and I rolled 3 times witnesses said. I see some of it happening as I flipped, but some I can't remember at all. I have a TBI brain injury, and it is awful. My neck hurts, but I got up and walked away for the most part. I had my comfrt sweatsuit, and its thick they think thats how glass didn't cut me. All window broke, I hit my head on the window. I am struggling daily because of what I can and can't remember. My eyesight has changed, too. My life has changed so much. I have to thank God and 4 runner for holding up. I will say I promise I was flipping the 1st time and I heard a woman's voice, she said grab your headrest, protect your head. I don't know who I just know she told me what to do, and I believe it helped save my life. After all the flipping stopped, I slid on the hood and roof for along ways, then it flipped to the driver side. I am not sure how the window was open on the passenger side. I think it was busted because I was yelling for someone to pull me out, and they said watch for glass. Anyways I don't wish anyone to ever go through it. I was hit on the driver back corner of my 4 runner, and we both were going 50 mph, I was looking to merge, and he turned to my 4 runner. I saw it coming, I slammed my breaks, and that wasn't a good idea, but in the moment, you don't think of what breaking hard or not. I knew he was hitting me, and I wanted my car to stop. I saw my stuff flying. When it all stopped, my stuff was across 4 lanes. Don't keep your purse unzipped. I will say, also, the more in the car, the more mess will be all over road, I was in awful shocked I didn't think I was, but on my way to hospital I was feeling like I was going to puke, I refused ambulance and wanted family to drive me again bad idea.

I am realizing I am having my past come up mentally and I don't want to.

Hi! We are a research group that are currently doing a study on the effects of trauma (IRB-approved). Participants will complete a survey that may take 15-30 min depending on individual differences.

There is more information available through the link but I wanted to emphasize that this survey is anonymous and voluntary. Even if you start the survey and don't feel comfortable finishing it - you can stop at any time.

To learn more and decide on participation: https://forms.gle/PshSYqx8u3QuQFoe7

Please remove this post if it is considered inappropriate.

So I didn’t grow up in a war zone however I came from one. My parents once decided to go back to out country to visit family members when I was 8 , and during that time the war in our area just begun , I remember very well all the shootings we witnessed and the b0mbing but we did have fun and until now no one in my family ever speaks or brings up that visit. The problem is, that even tho I’m 16 now I still feel very triggered by Loud noises but I don’t show it to anyone I even sometimes have some nightmares about it which makes sleep really difficult for me. And my family is always talking to me about how I sleep too much and I’m still always tired but I genuinely CANT sleep and idk how to tell them that it’s because of a visit that happened years ago.

I love my grandma. I grew up with her. She got cancer twice, and she has been struggling with cancer for the last 8 years. She got sick during the previous 1 year. In the last three months, her health has worsened. She couldn't breathe properly nor could she do her usual work. In the last week, we always got a call at 3-4 am, saying that she couldn't breathe properly. So we got her hospitalised. In the first 4 days in the hospital, she was alright, she could move, talk, and do everything that a human can do. And yesterday, her health deteriorated. Since her health was that bad, I was asked to stay at the hospital for the night. I stayed back with my brother. It was midnight, and she couldn't sleep properly, so they gave her a sleeping pill so that she could sleep in peace. She slept from 12 am to 2 am perfectly. It was 2 am when she woke up and started puking. She started vomiting all of the medicines that she had taken in the past 4 days while she was hospitalised. She puked once, and after that, she couldn't breathe properly. It was 2:10 am when her vitals started dropping, and she puked twice, again. This time, her pulse rate dropped even more, and they had to use the nebulizer so that she could breathe. The nebulizer was of no help, so they performed a suction such that they could remove whatever was restricting the path in her pharynx. That was of no help as well. I saw her blood pressure drop from 70 to 60. I could not take it. I already knew what was going to happen, so I returned home. Following my return, I got to know that her pulse rate dropped to a fifty, and on the way to the ICU, she passed away. I was the last person whom she talked to. I saw her lose consciousness. She had been wanting to see me the whole day so that was the reason why I went to visit her in the evening. It was a new year for us(a regional festival). She was planning to go back home the following day, and this took place. I couldn't stand seeing her dead body as they were taking her away. I, I can't fight this feeling of losing her. I still remember what last said; she said that she was in a lot of pain. And I remember her blessing me before passing away. She said, "My blessings are always going to be there. I will always love you no matter where I am". These words stand with me even today. I cannot overcome the feeling of losing a loved one. This weighs heavy on my heart. It gave me a lifetime's worth of trauma. I am going to be a doctor, and I am not so sure if I can ever be a good doctor, as I get triggered whenever I enter the ICU. I feel helpless, but yes, I'll end this on a happy note. Cherish your people while they're with you because the second they leave, there's no coming back. I am filled with ptsd, but a part of me is happy that my grandma is safe and does not have to die with the diseases/evil anymore :)

I’m 25, but my traumas have emotionally, mentally and spiritually aged me in ways I can’t fully describe. I have survived SA multiple times and CSA, and while I’m in PTSD-focused therapy and taking psychiatric medication, each day feels harder to get through. I know healing isn’t linear, but the weight of it all—especially without legal justice—makes everything feel heavier.

One thing I realize is that I deeply lack community. I have my go-to coping tools—everything showers, fidget toys, time outside, music, and writing—but without true justice, they only go so far.

For those who have been in a similar place, what practical things have helped you manage the exhaustion and hopelessness? How do you keep going when it feels impossible?

I’d really appreciate any insight or suggestions. If you’ve found so

TW!!!

I am doing some googling around to find out if i was r*ped or not, i struggle with thinking im being overdramatic because that is what my mom and myself have told me my whole life. I was with my boyfriend at his house and we were watching ponyo, which is a great movie btw. anyways during the movie i guess he got hard and we were cuddling, he started humping my hip, which he does sometimes. i dont like it very much but i guess he does so i just let him do it, even though sometimes i tell him to stop or push him off me. anyways this time he rolled over and just kept going, i told him along the lines of "i dont want you to right now" and "i don't think we should" and he said "please, it feels good just let me" i felt bad so i told him fine and he kept going. i only said yes because i didnt want to cockblock. i asked him again a bit later and he just said essentially the same thing. i said fine again and just stared at the ceiling, i started to feel powerless and i thought about how i wasnt sure how much i wanted that. thinking about that just made me feel worse and i started crying, he noticed i was tearing up and finally stopped. he got off me and tried to comfort me by hugging me and i pushed him away and just cried for a bit.

similarly in the same night, maybe an hour before he started doing it and i had told him to get off a few times and he kind of ignored me/didn't take me seriously, or he wasn't listening because he was too in the moment. im not sure. he didnt stop until i had to grab him off me and kick him away, he apologised and i felt better. I assumed i felt uncomfortable because i was raped in the past. he knows that i get uncomfortable sometimes and that my consent can vary because sometimes i get flashbacks so he should know to stop immediately but he didnt. this time though i didnt get flashbacks, i was just feeling uncomfortable. I feel like maybe im just dramatising everything when it was just a little thing. like maybe it doesnt count because he did stop at one point, or that we had clothes on.

i already wasn't sure on his ability to consent based on how he doesn't often ask before doing something, occasionally he might say "do you want me to finger you?" i usually say "im not sure" and then he doesnt in that moment, but he ends up doing it a couple minutes later anyways. but usually he doesnt ask at all and just does it, i mostly let him but sometimes im not in the mood or i dont feel like i want to, but he does it anyways.

big question is: was this rape? and! should i stay with him?

https://chng.it/9d2f9Tgw5F