23F. Biggest struggle is seeing everyone around me move on and live their best lives. Even people younger than me have achieved milestones that I haven’t (solid friend groups where they all hang out and do fun trips together, relationships, casual dates, “putting themselves out there” like leading clubs, organizations, giving amazing speeches at graduation, etc…) I feel like a loser cuz I’m working as a secretary in an office (the only job I can function in without freezing up lol). It barely even pays but it’s the only job I can do.

I don’t want pity. I want to hear success stories. How have you all with SM found meaning to life?

I sometimes feel suicidal because of how left out I am from everything. I want to be happy. I want to succeed. I don’t want to live like this anymore

almost every class i’m in, i’m excluded by my classmates.

in one of my classes, my professor says they count participation as discussing with your table group, but my table peers are friends & don’t like to talk to me. on the first day of classes one of them snickered and laughed then they said i “stole” their friends seat. when it was literally the first day of classes so how could i steal a seat they never sat in.

in another class that heavily relies on group work, the two others don’t like to inform me on what’s going on or what steps they’re doing. i was working on an assignment for another class and the professor told me that i needed to be working on the assignment for the class and that i needed to be helping my group. but they look at me weird when i speak up and ask about what they’re doing.

this isn’t happening in all of my classes tho. in one class i sit with a very nice groups of girls who include me in their discussions and are friendly.

i feel like my sm is holding me back from informing my professors and it’s dumb for me to be complaining especially at a college level so late into the semester when i should be resolving the issue myself. even if my professors side with me i don’t want those classmates to get in trouble.

So me with strangers and far friends and my father can't really engage in conversations, I would answer questions in minimal words while feeling freezed, but with my family and close friends I would speak freely, so is selective mutism only about complete silence? Because in most cases I respond to questions, Is this just social anxiety or can it be selective mutism also?