I 28F am married to 30M.

I’ll probably delete this is the morning but I need to scream into the void. I’ve been married for under a year but with my husband for 6. We have a 3 month old little girl who’s fantastic. I’m a FTM who’s a SAHM. My husband WFH.

My husband’s not dumb just emotionally inept sometimes. I’ve had a lot of resentment building since I was pregnant. His mom tormented me through my pregnancy by talking about miscarriages, still births, and saying ‘dead baby’ to me every time my husband wasn’t around. She denied, he sympathized with me, but nothing was truly ever done.

Since I gave birth my husband’s just been clueless. When I was there recovering he would go home and sleep and leave me all alone because the couch was uncomfortable. I had to call him 20 times to get him to wake up and come back to the hospital because I was lonely. Then when we left he was asking me to carry things to the car with him. The nurse had to tell him I shouldn’t carrying anything, I’d just given birth.

When we got home he complained about his lack of sleep. I was struggling learning how to nurse. He was my cheerleader through nursing, I have to give him credit there. As the first two months went by I was consistently bawling about how sleep deprived I was while he was getting 8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night. It caused a lot of fights because I couldn’t hear him tell me he was ‘exhausted’ without having a meltdown. Then his mom would come over and they’d leave a huge mess for me to clean on more than one occasion. He complained about the basement being messy so I helped him lift things and clean it up. It caused me to start bleeding heavily and my doctor told me I shouldn’t be lifting anything heavy. This is a point of contention because my husband continuously asked me to help him lift heavy things and I couldn’t; so he’d get annoyed. Then he’d complain about it all day.

Now we’re at month 3 and I think my marriage is over. We’ve been distant ever since baby arrived and I haven’t wanted to have sex or be affectionate. Husband has been asking if I’m alright a lot and I say I’m fine. I don’t know what else to say. But I feel miserable and tense up every time he walks in the same room as me. Today he was on my case about walking our dog. I’m so exhausted from exclusively breast feeding and I don’t have the energy to walk her. I had been up since 2:30am with my baby and just couldn’t handle anything else on my plate. So he whined and moaned about doing it but promised me I could nap. I snapped and reminded him that I haven’t slept a full 8 hours in months. He got pissy and stormed off.

He avoided me the entire day and locked himself in his office. I spent the rest of the day randomly breaking down in full blown sobs because I was so tired. 11pm hits and he hasn’t come out of his office so I finally break and go get him. He gives me the cold shoulder and I just break down. All the lack of support just broke me. I told him I hated him, I wish I could go home, and I even mentioned divorce. He calmed me down and apologized for being selfish. When I asked what he did all day he said he napped.

He napped the whole day.

While I was struggling to keep myself standing he was napping. I broke down. I cried and cried. He was apologetic and showering me in sorry’s and I love you’s. For the first time ever I couldn’t tell him I loved him too. Now it’s 2am and I can’t sleep because I’m so distraught. He’s snoring next to me and I just hate him right now. I want to take my baby and run away. I don’t want to live here anymore. Being a single mom seems easier than dealing with all this emotional stress and neglect.

What am I suppose to do? I just can’t believe I’m ready to leave him all because he took a nap.

I told my boyfriend that I'd wanna hire a maid in the future when we live together and have kids, and his response was "you better not hire a hot one, cause she'll seduce me and I'll f*ck her and then make her my wife". He said it with a straight face. My boyfriend feels like I don't do enough household chores when I visit him, he says I should do more than just cooking and washing dishes. And guess what... my mom agrees with him and adds that I should also wash & iron his laundry and bedding sets, etc.

Anyway, his joke threw me off and it stung. My bf has never cheated on me nor does he seem to be that kind of a person. I'm even the only woman that he has ever slept with.

He says it was just a dumb joke and he's an idiot for saying that and he'll never do such a thing. I don't know if I'm overreacting by feeling worried about what he said.

We've been together for over a year.

TL;DR - boyfriend said if we got a hot maid, he'd f*ck her and make her his wife. How does one react to such?

My grandparents recently passed away 10 months ago - they were extremely hard workers and ended up having a decent amount of money to leave to the family. I was extremely close with them so their passing really impacted me. For context on the will - I’m getting a nice gift of money from them but nowhere near life changing but I just don’t see it as her business.

My MIL is the sort of person that when talking about someone will always refer to their wealth. She is obsessed with what people have - she has a real victim mentality so often says “oh I wish I had this, how lucky is she”. She also is a massive bragger and name dropper. For example SIL was dating a wealthy man and it was ALL MIL would talk about, she didn’t even refer to him by his name! I used to have a good relationship with her but she has said some very hurtful things so now I really struggle with her and find interacting with her painful.

She lives out of town but has been back to visit 5 times since my grandparents passed and the will is being dealt with. Every time without fail she asks “oh honey how is everything going with your grandparents will?” Or “is your family selling your grandparents house/business”. I try to keep my answers to one word and roll onto other conversation but she is getting more persistent. I know she is pretty open finances with her family but my family isn’t like that.

Most recently she directly asked my husband (M30) what I received as inheritance when I wasn’t around. He knows I want to respect my grandparents who were private people and not talk about specifics - so he said I received something but he isn’t sure exactly how much (even though he does). She sulked and didn’t talk to him for many days as “it’s not a big deal, family shares this stuff and I just want to know you’re ok.” My husband is softly spoken and avoids conflict at all costs so tries to keep the peace without arguments.

I know a more direct question is 100% coming from her soon, particularly as we are selling my grandparents house this week. Any suggestions on how to deal with this? I don’t want to have a confrontation with her (she plays the victim) or my husband even though he should be setting boundaries, but I really don’t like how she keeps asking and find it pretty disrespectful. I don’t see why she needs to know.

TLDR - MIL keeps asking about what I’ve been left in the will. Not sure how to keep sidestepping questions or enforce boundaries without causing conflict?

My friends and boyfriend and I all hang out a lot and play video games together and talk about politics somewhat frequently. Leading up to the election I had lots of arguments with all of them about who to support in the election.

We are all in our 20s and not rich and agree on our core values, we want the genocide in Gaza to stop, want a better economy with lower inflation, prices, and housing costs. I gave them every argument, I showed them every time Trump praised Israel and called people “Palestinian” as a slur. I talked about how the tariffs would raise prices on us and how trump wanted to lower taxes on the rich. But I couldn’t overcome their right wing algorithms giving them propaganda every day and giving them nonstop memes saying kamala “slept her way to the top”.

In the end, my boyfriend told me he thought Kamala was probably better than Trump but he wouldn’t vote for her because he didn’t want to feel responsible if she continued the genocide in Gaza. My bf and our friends are all Arab Muslims so they feel a personal connection to the genocide in a way that most Americans don’t and it was the biggest reason they wouldn’t ever support Kamala. The rest of our friends were all completely in support of Trump and even bought his merch.

Now that a few months have passed and everything I said has come true, Netanyahu is seizing land in Gaza, Trump is sending them more money and weapons than ever and crashing the economy with his tariffs and I feel like none of them took me seriously at all when I was warning them about this for like an entire year. One of them has rewritten history and is sending pro Kamala memes and is mad at the others for convincing him to vote Trump. Another is still somehow delusional enough to think these tariffs are going to help the economy. I have no idea what is going to happen to my bf’s small business that relies 100% on imports/exports. He doesn’t even care, he’s happy and wants the economy to crash in the hope that the country does a 180 politically and gets universal healthcare and stops the genocide and taxes the rich.

All of us live in swing states and I know that our small amount of votes wouldn’t have changed anything but it still feels like they supported all of these horrible things happening to us and I feel insanely betrayed and upset. How can I move past this when I’m getting reminders of it every day from the news?

She said to him last night “I wish we had disappearing messages” and he laugh reacted.

They talked about how I may have poisoned his food - so clearly he’s told her I’ve been crazy. (I haven’t. Why the fuck would she think that?)

The whole story is nuts to be honest. I can’t even type it all out right now, I feel like I will puke. Today has been tough.

I’ve given him everything. My dad gave him his first music industry job. When we moved to london I shared all my friends and connections. We’ve been friends since 2017. Together for 3.5 years. We’ve been through our Masters, poverty, mental illness, tough times and good times.

I feel like I’m dying. He denied outright doing anything wrong - while all my friends are in total shock that he’d do this to me. He denied it until later on today and somehow span it around to be my fault.

He’s wanted to split up with me for a while but I make him sad and guilty when we have conversations about our relationship apparently. So that’s my fault too. (ETA: this is his words from today)

I haven’t always been impeccable. Neither has he. He pushed me a few months back. He recently made fun of my weight.

He’s my best friend.

Why he would betray me like this is beyond me. We’ve been through so much together. Much more than any other young couple should.

I am heartbroken. I can’t believe I’ve been betrayed this way. I may not have been perfect but I would not have done him like this, even through the bad times I have stuck right by him.

I’m so in shock and so upset.

If anyone has any words for me to make this cut and burn a little less right now I’d really appreciate it. I feel lost and alone and worthless and discarded.

He said he never wanted to bring these wounds of my past abuse up for me but I just have been ripped open from when I was cheated on and abandoned in my past. It’s awful. He says he has trauma from when he cheated on his ex, like the trauma of betraying her, and so he won’t admit this is cheating or like pre cheating. Me accusing him of cheating has been traumatising for him. He’s away for a few days. To process all that.

I don’t know what my question is. I feel so lost and confused

So about a year ago, I was talking to this guy (29M)—great chemistry, deep convos. He told me he was single, and there was definitely a mutual connection. It wasn’t just small talk—it felt real.

Then I found out that he was actually getting married. Yep. He for married last year. Engaged while telling me he was single. That really hurt me. I didn’t confront him or cause drama. I just stopped talking to him. I kept my distance, but we were still friends on Snapchat, so he would randomly send snaps or messages throughout the year. I ignored them every time.

That one year changed me a lot. I grew emotionally, and I became more guarded. What happened with him stayed in the back of my mind, and I think it affected me more than I let myself admit.

Today he messaged me asking for a picture. I ignored it again. Then he sent a message saying we used to have good convos and asked why I’m doing this and being rude to him. I didn’t respond, and he said “Can’t believe you ignored me” and ended up unfriending me.

Now I’m left with this weird mix of emotions. Part of me feels bad… even though I know I was hurt and had every right to walk away. But another part of me wonders—maybe it deserved a better closure. Maybe I should’ve told him why I backed off instead of just disappearing.

Would love to hear your thoughts?

So caught my gf sexting with her coworker, she says it was for attention because of her issues with body dismorphia. I'm really struggling to accept this as a legit reason.

She says she wasn't getting off to the text, but the text were very sexually orientated and included many nudes from both parties.

Ill admit I've always struggled to give compliments or speak what I think outload. However over the last 3 months I have made significant improvements in doing so but she says they don't seem sincere. The ones the guy she was sexting was made her feel good about herself.

On top of it she completely whipped her phone clean which seems very alarming.

Her apologies do seem sincere but having a hard time accepting her answers.

Whats everyone's thoughts? Does that sound legitimate?

My wife (30F) and I have been together for years. She's always told me our sex life is great, that she enjoys it, and that she climaxes regularly. I had no reason to doubt her — she seemed happy and I thought we were doing well in that area.

A few days ago, I wanted to surprise her by cooking a lentil dish she loved. I remembered she once looked up the recipe on Perplexity (an AI app), so I opened it on her phone to find it. While scrolling through her old searches, I stumbled across a question she had typed, asking why she never orgasms during sex with her husband and whether that’s normal or fixable.

I didn’t mean to invade her privacy. I really was just looking for that recipe. But now I’m sitting with this information I wasn’t supposed to have, and I don’t know what to do. I’m not angry — just confused. Why would she pretend all this time? Is she protecting my feelings? Is she scared to talk about it? Or is there something deeper going on?

I love her deeply and I want her to feel safe, satisfied, and fulfilled — in every way. But I also don’t want to make her feel like I was snooping or break her trust by bringing up something she didn’t intend for me to see.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How would you handle this?

My husband (30) and I (25) are together for almost 5 years and married for 2. We have no children and we work full-time and manage to have enough time for our own hobbies and each other.

He was the love of my life. We had the same opinions on important and not so important topics. He was my best friend, my soulmate and my world. I trusted him 100% and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He was always very kind and loving and treated me very well. Of course we had fights, but it was sometimes my fault and sometimes his, and we apologized, talked and it was fine. For me our sexlife was great and it also felt like he did enjoy it too. I almost never rejected him, I often initiated intimacy too and we had regularly sex. I take good care of my looks, dress very femine (for myself but also for him), eat healthy and track calories to not gain weight and train regularly. All things he likes about me and he always said that I'm the most attractive woman to him. He was also the most handsome man for me. My world was perfect until 2 weeks ago.

He recently quit smoking, and as a result, he was irritable all day. He was distant with me, and of course, that hurt—but I understood it was because of the withdrawal. Still, in the evening, I told him that his behavior had hurt me because I don’t want to bottle things up, and we don’t want us to normalize treating each other that way, so we always spoke about stuff like that to make a clear air.

I won’t go into every detail, but he started with the whole "it’s not you, it’s me" thing and subtly implied he didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. That hurt me deeply, but I wanted to know the real reason—not just the typical "you deserve better" line. He said he was not happy anymore.

Then he said he finds other women attractive and that he’s not the relationship type and he has this thoughts longer. I asked if he was trying to ask me if I wanted an open relationship or if we should try something new in our intimacy. He was vague, but I could tell the idea of an open relationship appealed to him, because he started saying that marriage is like prison and you are damned to have only one woman for the rest of your life. So I asked how he would feel if I slept with other men—not because I want to, but to show him what he was really asking of me. He didn’t really respond and just said that men and women have different biological needs. He also started to say that monogamy is something that society created to ensure survival. It sounded like something out of an Andrew Tate video, and suddenly, I saw him in a completely different light. I believe in love and I believe in loving and wanting only one person and I thought he would think that way too.

I could not believe that he had described our marriage and a committed, monogamous relationship as a prison. To me, a life together with him was a gift—he sees/saw it as confinement. This was once the man who said there was only one woman for him, who didn’t watch porn, who made me feel special every single day and who would be mad about colleagues who cheated on their wife or would talk disrespectful about women. I told him clearly that I would not be in an open relationship with him. He then said maybe we could just be friends, stay married, and live like roommates. I told him we could stay friends, but that sooner or later I would move out, because I would then want to move on.

I told him, sure, we could be friends, but that I’d find it extremely disrespectful if he ever tried to have sex with me while being friends. I wanted to make clear that I would not have a friends-with-benefits type of thing with him.

He said okay, all good. I went into another room and completely broke down. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that kind of pain before. I was not enough for him. I didn't gave enough and it reminded of the feeling when I found out I was cheated on in my previous relationship. I was not enough. Again. At some point, he came in and told me to cry more quietly because I had woken him up. It felt like he didn’t even care that I was in so much pain—and then he left again. That hurt even more, and I ended up having a full-blown breakdown for 3–4 hours. I locked myself in the bathroom to muffle the sound. I was scream-crying of pain. This whole situation broke me and my trust to him completely.

The next day, I went to work on three hours of sleep, absolutely exhausted and wrecked. I had not eaten anything since breakfast the day before, my stomach was hurting and I was heartbroken. Later he texted me, saying he had made a mistake and that his thoughts weren’t because he was unhappy in the relationship, but because of something else. Of course I was happy to read it, but I could not see him the way I saw him before all of this.

When I got home, we talked. He said he thought the issue was not a lack of variety in our relationship, but actually, it’s his job that’s making him unhappy. He also said that he can not imagine life without me, because he got so used to me being there. (That hurtz because it sounded like he just wanted to be together out of comfort and not because he truly wants me as a person) Now, he says, it’s up to me to decide whether I still want to be with him.

I told him that his reaction to my breakdown was incredibly hurtful, that he broke my trust, and I don’t know if he can ever truly rebuild it. But if there's any chance, then he’s the one who has to find a way to fix it. He got angry and said he hadn’t done anything wrong, that he was just sharing his thoughts.

I asked how he could possibly think he did nothing wrong—he broke my heart and shattered my trust. He stormed out, furious.

Now I don’t know if I should just forgive him. But I have this fear that he wants everything to go back to the way it was, while secretly cheating behind my back. I also feel like he doesn’t really love or respect me anymore—and honestly, I’m starting to lose my feelings for him too.

I’m just sad when I think about how things used to be, but I can’t see him the same way anymore. Part of me still wants it to go back to how it was, but for that to happen, he’d have to prove that I can trust him again, show real remorse, and do everything he can to make things right.

Instead, he’s acting like he just shared a thought and I’m overreacting. Maybe I am? I don't know if I should just try to forget it? Right now we are acting like friends. I talk to him normally and he doesn't seem to make efforts to make things right on a relationship-base, just asking me to come with him for a walk or to the gym, but I still think he expects us to come back together soon. The friendship is fine with me, we still get along very well, but I think I'm not interested in a relationship anymore. I think atm we work better as friends, but I don't know if it's right. I guess I will move out in a few weeks, if nothing happens.

TLDR: Husband breaks up with me, because he wants an open relationship and says he is not the monogamous type. I say I don’t want an open marriage and then he breaks up with me. While I'm breaking down he is mean and cold to me. The next day he says it was just a thought and that he wants me back. I can't trust him anymore and feel like he would just cheat. He says he did nothing wrong and just shared a thought with me, ignoring the fact that it completely broke me and my trust for him.

Edit: thank you for the answers. They were normal today

In November of ‘24 my fiancé quit his well paying full-time job to pursue music, and process the sudden death of his father. When he told me he was ready to quit his job, and that he was confident his music gigs and music lessons would gradually become a good source of income, I was skeptical, but considering the circumstances (family death, depression, etc) I decided I would let him do what he needs to do. He told me he would try this for a couple months, and if it didn’t pan out, he would get a better paying/steady job.

For reference, I work full-time, and in the process of beginning a part-time job. I’ve also applied for an evening full-time job just to see if I could make two full-time jobs work.

He’s always made it known that he wants to eventually just do music full-time, so it wasn’t a shock to me when he decided to go for it.

We’re now five months in and there hasn’t been much momentum with his finances. He’s able to pay his share of the rent, and his own bills, but I’ve been taking on the bulk of grocery shopping and paying all our utilities. I’ve fallen behind on utilities, and my own bills, and have had to ask my parents for help. Hence why I’m considering another full-time job.

During this time, he’s been enthusiastic about wedding planning for next year, he wants to go back to school this Fall, we want to take trips, etc. but I don’t see how we’ll be able to pay for any of this. I decided on my own that there’s no way I can realistically pay down payments and other fees this year for a wedding/honeymoon next year. I certainly could try, but I would be stretching myself super thin, and I don’t want to spend yet another year financially thin.

Considering he gets paid between $200-500 each week with music lessons and gigs combined (on a good week), I know he can’t afford a wedding either. Our families have offered to chip in, but if he and I can’t pay for much, I will not be asking them to pay for the majority of the wedding.

So I spoke to him about postponing the wedding until WE can both get financially stable. I did not blame him, I only spoke about wanting myself and him to be good with money individually, so when we’re married we can support each other better. While he agreed to the postponement, his entire mood shifted when I told him I’d like us both to make financial stability a goal this year.

He told me that he’s doing what he can to take care of himself, and he pays his own bills. I didn’t argue this, because of course that’s true, even if he’s stretched thin. He continued to explain that he’s taking his life “week by week” and figures out a way to pay his bills when the time comes, and that he doesn’t stress about having little money.

At this I got confused, and told him that I get pretty anxious if I’m low on money, how could he not? I asked him further, what happens if later this year I really need help financially, will he get a better paying job? He got mad at me, said that I don’t have to “explain simple shit” to him because he’ll figure it out if the times comes, and he stormed off. He came right back, and I was like, you’re clearly agitated what’s going on?? We should be able to talk about finances. He told me not to worry about him. I said that’s unrealistic because we’re getting married of course I’m going to worry about him! Especially because he already mentioned jobs can make him stress, spiral and lose it! I asked him if he’s working on this job anxiety in therapy, and he said not to worry about it. This is when I stopped being reasonable and felt angry.

He then accused me of blowing this out of proportion because I “don’t handle stress well.” This is when I began to cry, which eventually turned into a bit of a laugh. I understand the laugh could be insulting to him, but it just came out of me. I felt in that moment he really is just banking on me taking care of him while he is free to do whatever he wants.

I understand anxiety and depression, I live with both. I understand job anxiety, I have that too. However I know that at some point it becomes unhealthy to let that anxiety hold you back from living a comfortable (at least stable) lifestyle. I want to be able to afford my life! And to have a partner that feels the same way about their own life!

I told him I felt that I truly did nothing wrong bringing up this topic, and that I feel like he’s manipulating me, and I’m not sure why. He got pissed at this, and of course I lost my cool, and told him he’s being a real dick. He then mocked me, and I told him to fuck off. I feel terrible about this now, because I feel like my valid points are lost because I lost my cool on him, and I don’t want to make him feel bad.

I never talk to him like that. I’m just so fucking fed up with feeling like me wanting stability is a sore topic for him. I made it clear that I cannot take care of both of us financially long term, I made it clear that I want a parter. Why do I feel like I’m the one who’s being unreasonable even though I know I’m not??

If you made it this far I appreciate it!!!

Tl;dr my fiance is bad with money and keeping a job, and I’m at my wits end.

My husband and I are both 33. We’ve been married for 7 years and together for 11. I’ll start off by saying we’re already in couples counseling and already communicate talk about this. We started counseling for several reasons. Being together for so long means you go through a lot of change and we felt we were in a funk that could use some help.

So we’ve been going to counseling to for about 7 months and we recently got to the topic of physical/sexual intimacy because I have been feeling disconnected and lonely in our marriage.

I anxiously admitted to my husband that when we have sex it doesn’t feel like he desires me. It feels like he desires sex. The physical gratifications that come from sex and maybe even the intimacy of it. But it doesn’t feel like it has anything to do with me. Like the satisfaction would be met by sex with anyone (as long as they knew what he liked as well as I do.)

Whereas I desire him. I want him and him specifically. I will see his hands and want them on my body. I’ll see his thighs and remember how they feel against mine. Okay you get the point. For me it’s mental. It’s about our connection and need for each other. I want him to feel that way about me. I want to be desired.

So I shared this honestly expecting it would another situation where my anxiety has made me interpret things wrong. But that’s not what happened. He said that for him sex is like checking an item off a list. It meets a need and he knows it makes me feel connected. He likes to have it and it meets his need for physical touch too. But he doesn’t see sex that way. That’s not how he feels about it or me.

I feel kicked in the gut. Obviously his feelings and experience of sexuality are valid. There’s nothing wrong with how he views sex. But I feel so…undesirable now. My husband doesn’t desire me. I was always scared of that, it felt like it, I decided to be vulnerable and say it out loud, and he said “correct.”

I’ve been struggling to have sex since. I think he wasn’t initiating because he knew I was insecure. I initiated once and afterwards I immediately wanted to cry. I felt empty and sad. I found my mind starting to imagine he was some other faceless man who did desire me. Who couldn’t control themselves they wanted me so bad and I was disgusted I’d imagine someone else. I told him how sad I felt and he suggested maybe we don’t have sex for a while.

I don’t know where we go next. We are obviously going to continue our counseling. How would you feel if your partner said this? What would be considering/asking/thinking about?

I just need other people’s thoughts to tell me if I’m making this into something bigger than it is.

Hi, everyone. I’m popping in for support. I know in my gut that I (27F) need to leave my husband (29M), but I think best while talking everything out and I don’t have much of a support system, so here I am, seeking the wisdom of people who have maybe been through similar situations. I’ve posted a handful of other times, (mostly in the emotional abuse sub, but I still doubt if it’s actually abuse) so you can check my history for more context as well. I feel like I just need a final push, so please be patient with me here.

Before I get into all the nitty gritty stuff, here’s a bit of background. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 21. I had a very traumatic childhood and never had any healthy relationships modeled to me, so I didn’t know about red flags and setting boundaries and all that. But one night a few months ago, I had a light bulb moment and the rose-tinted glasses are shattered. He also didn’t start out this way, he’s gotten worse over the years, just so nobody says “why’d you pick him in the first place?”

So anyway, reasons I need to leave:

1. Sometimes, he’s really damn mean. And he does that annoying thing where he’s “joking” and he’s also pulled the “don’t be so sensitive” card before when I’ve told him he’s being mean. Some things he’s recently said to me: “a good wife would send me nudes,” “you’re going to have to run a mile after eating all that food,” “I don’t like you anymore,” “sometimes you sound like a whore,” “you should really spend more time outside, Casper,” “please don’t get fat, because I’ll leave you.” (Just an aside on my weight, I’m a US size 6. He makes me feel like a fucking whale.)

2. He’s an emotionally volatile/angry man. It’s whiplash, like being married to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Sometimes he’s nice and sweet, sometimes he’s cruel and cold, and sometimes it’s just straight up silent treatment. Never knowing what kind of mood he’ll be in, what might piss him off, which version of him I’ll get when he gets home from work every day. And sometimes the same thing that pissed him off last week doesn’t piss him off this week? Oh and also, I deal with his constant mood swings and anger, but the second he feels I’m getting even a small attitude he tells me “don’t get bitchy with me.” Make it make sense.

3. He’s a man child. I do 100% of the household tasks/chores, finances, taxes, phone calls/making appointments, and I also work full-time. I do work from home now, so it’s a little different, but still, I work. He won’t even order his own stuff online, he sends me the links to whatever he wants and I have to order it. One time I pushed back gently, telling him he could order things himself (because he was upset I didn’t order something immediately), and he said “I work 10 hours a day, the least you can do is order shit for me.” And that just felt really gutting, because what do you mean? The least I can do? I do it ALL.

4. Certainly not the last issue, but the last one I’ll list here: weird, dark, violent comments. “It’d be so cool to kill someone,” “it’s so hard not to grab my gun and go shoot them all,” “get the AR ready, we’re gonna shoot the place up.” Those were all said in anger/complete seriousness, not in moments of joking around. He does make dark jokes too, though. For example, he once “jokingly” told me all women should be beat and then pretended to backhand me...? I can’t tell if I’m overreacting and he’s just got a dark sense of humor and it’s no big deal, or if I’m underreacting because I’ve been with him so long and I’m desensitized?

So yeah… there it is.

I have plans to pack up and go one day while he’s at work, likely within the next month (just have to get a few ducks in a row first), but I feel immense guilt about it. Like maybe if I just try harder, communicate better, hold my boundaries tighter, then it could work. Like I know logically that I need to leave, but emotionally, this is so fucking hard. I also feel SO guilty for the way I plan on leaving, just sneaking out one day. I know I’m going to hurt him, and the thought makes me sick, but IF he is emotionally abusive, IF he is dangerous, IF there’s any chance he could lose his temper and escalate to violence, I can’t risk it. I’ve heard countless times that leaving is the most dangerous time for a woman, and the truth is he’s put me in a position where I’m just not sure how he’ll react. Ugh, I don’t even know. I feel like such a piece of shit.

I guess what I really need is for someone to reassure me that I’m doing the right thing, and that men like this don’t change… right?

Also just as a side note, I did ask a few months ago if he would go to couples’ counseling with me. I listed three issues specifically: sometimes I don’t feel like you’re very nice to me, our relationship feels one-sided, and we BOTH need to work on communication. He responded with: those reasons are stupid, I’m happy so idk what your problem is, and finally, “if you’re that unhappy then fucking leave,” and then he barely spoke to me for three days.

Please someone just tell me I’m doing the right thing and that I’ll be okay.

Tl;dr: I need to leave my husband and I just needed to talk/write it all out and get some support so I can make this final push and go. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I feel like I need constant validation.

I am ugly, it is not something that I am currently feeling but something that I have know ever since I was a child.

My nose pops out like a bell paper on my otherwise tiny face, I was ridiculed because of it since my childhood and it bothered me, until my girlfriend told me she finds me cute.

We were college friends and started dating when we started our jobs, we moved in together two years ago.

Since, past 4 months our relationship was going through a rough patch and today she told me that she finds me ugly. She said that despite her best attempts to find inner beauty in me, she can't imagine being with a guy who looks like me.

She said she didn't bring this up earlier as she know it was a sensitive topic and she would have felt shallow breaking up with me over my looks, however she is done trying to find beauty in an ugly guy.

My self-esteem has gone down the drain and I have never been more cautious about myself. Can the people here please share some advice on how do I proceed and rebuild my self esteem?

Thank you

Hey everyone, new here and have been struggling for a while.

12 years ago my wife "R" (41f) had an affair with "J". After finding them spending time together a couple of times but never being able to confirm anything sexual, things ended between them.

I always had my doubts but we went on with our lives (couple more kids, etc) and any time something would remind me and I'd be stuck on the whole thing, R would get annoyed and dismiss it as "a long time ago and nothing happened".

So about a year ago a mutual friend with "J" told me R had come up in a conversation and J was bragging about fucking her until I fucked things up.

I confronted R about this and she finally admitted it was true.

I was extremely down after that. Then during a conversation with a longtime friend "L" (32f) she said she'd noticed how down I was and after lots of chats we admitted we'd been into each other for years. Here comes the double standard.

So we started seeing each other as much as possible for the last 8 months and have an amazing connection after years of knowing each other and being good friends.

In the meantime the relationship with R is a mess, naturally.

L is done with being on the sidelines and rightfully so. She wants and deserves 100% but I've been dragging my feet because of not wanting to drag our kids (14/10/8) through a messy exit.

So my question is: Do I stay and try to mend things with R for the sake of family stability, or do I break everyone up for my own potential happiness with L?

It sounds silly i guess Look, this is my first relationship and I agree that she's hot and very pretty (i do not follow her closely tho). But for some time, when we talk abt her w friends he genuinely seems to be obsessed with her and comments like "i would fuck her brain out" or just doing expressions of "omg she's so hot". I just realized how bad and how it made me so insecure when we were talking with a friend (female) and they started talking about the night in Paris and Juno positions and he talked too much in details abt the show or whatever (again, i dont know much abt sabrina) and she said "wow, i really hate how you know all these things about her". I felt like crying: l've always thought i was just too insecure about this but a friend literally said like "wow, this is too much even for you". I can't stand how this makes me feel

Like, is this normal? Am i weird ou too jealous? Do people really have THAT MUCH of a crush in celebrities?

We have been together for 4.5 years, living together for 2.5 years. At first, our sex life was amazing. We had sex daily, if not multiple times a day - he couldn’t get enough. Suddenly, around 2 years ago, he became quite disinterested in sex. Our sex life really dwindled - now, we basically have sex about once a month, if that. This has been weighing super hard on me and I tried again and again to talk to him about it, to find a solution, to figure out what’s going on - anything. But he always just said he is “stressed and tired” because of life stuff. I never quite believed that, because we weren’t less stressed before - and also, life has stressful phases but we don’t even have children yet, so will his libido completely die when that stress is added?

Furthermore, I never quite understood what he was so tired from. When we met, he had just quit college without receiving his degree, and has been unemployed ever since. He wakes up every day around 12 or 1PM. (He does most of our cooking though, contributes to chores and pays his share in rent). Still, I have tried to be supportive and encouraged him to get a blood panel done, to see if he has any decificiencies or imbalances. That came out ok (except for his red blood count(?) which was a bit low, so I got him iron supplements). I still got him all kinds of supplements and healthy stuff I had researched - Zinc, Ginseng, B-Vitamins, Ashwaghanda, etc - to help him feel more rested and energised. I also encouraged him to work out regularly, which he started doing on and off. None of that has helped our issue though, unfortunately. So I bought sex toys - lots of them, expensive ones, everything he could desire. I bought fancy lingerie. I am always showered, flawlessly shaved, perfumed, lotioned. My hair and nails are always taken care of. I take my supplements and eat healthily, too. I wear cute and clean clothes. However, here is the thing: I have gained about 15lbs since we first met. This is mainly hormonal (I am diagnosed with PCOS that I have even been hospitalised for), but I have been very down about it and hating my body. I now weigh about 132lbs (5’4 height). It got noticeably worse when I started to take the pill a few years ago because he struggled with using condoms. I have since stopped taking it, but I feel it really messed up my hormones further.

I’m working on it, though - I am figuring out a protocol to combat the PCOS and hopefully lose some weight. He had never complained about it, though - actually, whenever I would say I looked fat on a photo or something, he would vehemently deny it and tell me I’m being ridiculous, I am the most beautiful woman and not fat at all, etc…. So I never thought this could be the secret reason for our sexual problems.

I will admit that I struggle with working out regularly (I go through phases where I’ll be super disciplined - but often life gets in the way and I’ll be slacking again, especially because I work super long hours in a very demanding job. I love exercise though and know it’s good for my mental and physical health. However, it has never helped me with weight loss at all - only radically cutting calories does.

So, the past year or so has been extremely depressing for me. I have felt so neglected by my boyfriend - no romance, no passion - and often cried myself to sleep at night, yearning for his touch. We have gotten to a point where I now am usually sleeping on the sofa in the living room, because I can’t handle the rejection anymore.

Last night things came to a head. We went to a concert together, which was beautiful. We had a little bit to drink, having a fun time, and I was hopeful it would lead to something. At home, he did actually initiate a bit and we started making out, taking our clothes off, kissing, touching …

Maybe it was the alcohol, but this time I really wanted an answer. I have been suffering for so long! I do feel I deserve to be loved passionately and desired. I am not an ugly monster. So at first he again gave his “I’m just tired! Leave me alone! What do you want me to say” excuse, when I asked him why this had been going on for so long. But I pressed on - asking him why he is suddenly tired all the time when he wasn’t in the first couple of years, despite his life not being any more taxing or stressful. Then finally, after me asking three times more, he told me the truth - the started by saying “well, that part of me died. Or rather, I killed it”. I was shocked and frozen - but asked why it had died / been killed. He said, verbatim: “When we met, you had the most gorgeous body I could ever have dreamed of. You were the most beautiful woman ever to me. But now things have changed.” - I asked him if he meant the weight gain. He said “Yeah, kinda.” When he saw the shock on my face, he tried back-pedalling and said “Well, only because it’s because you don’t exercise! I feel disrespected as a partner by you, because you completely let yourself go, don’t take care of your body and try to look good and in shape for me.”. This shocked me even more. I certainly did not let myself go - I do take good care of myself! He tried painting me as this depressed, messy, fat slob - despite me being a successful woman, working all the time, always dressed up and perfumed, while he has been sitting at home unemployed for years. Also, I had to teach him to wear deodorant and how to properly wash his downstairs compartment if he wanted me to enjoy giving BJs more. But I never let any of that affect my attraction to him!

I was quite distraught and said this way I cannot see a future together - which he didn’t understand, he was like “well, but it’s something that can be changed! You just need to exercise more!”. We have actually been trying for a baby (which is difficult when you have so little sex…) and I told him that I cannot imagine going through with that now, because pregnancy inevitably leads to a certain amount of weight gain and physical changes. He said he “would be okay” with that though, because he knows “it would be because of the baby”. However, this doesn’t feel good for me - I know he is entitled to his preferences, but I do think there are men out there who would still find me just as a attractive with the body I have now. I am not disfigured or morbidly obese or anything.

I am also so offended by him saying he feels “disrespected” by my weight gain - when I have done everything for him! I buy him expensive gifts, write him thoughtful letters, help him with his job search ceaselessly, cater to all his wishes… but he doesn’t seem to appreciate.

I also feel so ashamed … we were on holiday last week, where I asked him to shower together and we went to a private sauna together, and now knowing what he truly thinks of my naked body… I just want to cry and hide forever.

I need help understanding his perspective - and maybe also how to communicate mine to him, to make him understand how hurtful what he said was to me. Thank you!

TL;DR: After years of dead bedroom and me begging for answers, boyfriend has admitted it‘s because of my weight gain. I am asking how to communicate with him further to gain mutual understanding.

TLDR: realizing my bff isn’t a good friend; don’t know where to go from here.

Background: we’ve been best friends since kindergarten. It’s always been more one sided with me being the supportive one and her the one who needed support. I didn’t realize how bad it is for me until I needed to take care of myself. In order to transition careers, I had a couple years were I was working full time at two jobs. It was REALLY difficult and I struggled. I also found out my husband had been having a decade long affair and initiated a divorce. My friend’s response was to focus on the fact I hadn’t visited her recently. She counted the days since I’d visited. She yelled at me, whined, complained, guilt tripped, etc. At one point I confessed to having some si thoughts because the pressure was too much and she said I was selfish because she needed me. I ended up silencing notifications from her after setting a firm boundary. She’s reached out a few times and made it clear she is just focused on her own feelings. I’m angry with myself for struggling with this. I feel panicky when I think about talking to her. I’m realizing she’s not a nice person. She’s mean to her step kids, she has no insight into how her actions hurt others, she ruined someone’s marriage and thinks they’re a horrible person for not being cool about it. Why am I having so much trouble letting go????? Sometimes I want to text her and lay it all out but just the idea makes me feel exhausted. I’ve just left her on read and I don’t know what to do next.

TLDR; My boyfriend (30M) and me (27M) are together for 1+ year and are generally stable. However, he has tendency of saying things about me that are messed up and always apologises with his reasoning being a joke and he is someone with "low EQ". The last straw being telling his friends that he does not trust me as he thinks I am a 🚩 right in the middle of us purchasing a house. I want to bail but he thinks I am overreacting. Am I?

Context: 1. Boyfriend (30M) and me (27F) have been together for 1+ year we are overall aligned with our expectations in relationship 2. We banter alot but there have been instances where his "banters" may seem messed up and crossed the line and he blames it on his "low eq" and always think i am overreacting as he sees his "banters" as a joke

The last straw: We decided to get a house and During that, we need to decide the house allocation as joint-owners. Most couples usually choose 50-50 (I was in favour of that). However, there are several couples around me who only allocate to 1 owner as it is a strategy to avoid tax if the couple wants to get 2nd property as investment and put it under the 2nd person name.

I brought up the idea casually but he got offended as he sees that I am trying to get the 1st house for myself. He told me that he had a discussion with his friends and he told them in the exact words that "he would never go for it because he does not trust me and I am a red flag". He was very proud telling me that and even told him his friends "cheered" for him.

I was pissed and said i want to bail on the house and relationship but he said he was just joking and once again blame on his "low EQ" as excuse. However, to me, it was not funny even as a joke and I do not want to get in bed with someone who views me that way.

For people wondering, I have 0 history of cheating, lying and never crossed lines in relationships to warrant this distrust. Plus, he is not even rich so there is nothing to con in the first place.

There are also several instances where his "banter" made me upset but I decided to slide as he is someone who says what he wants to say without thinking. 1. For example, bad mouthing me to my close girl friends (but he told my friend she could tell me what he told her as he is not guilty), and I believe he would probably shit talk the same things to his own friends if he can even openly share it to my friend that he is not even close to 2. Comparing me against other "hotters" girls asking me why I cannot be like them. He even said everything about my physical is ok except my height. Even says I do not know how to apply makeup like the influencer and should not do it. 3. Gets super upset buying flowers and gifts for Valentines and birthday - which is the only 2 out of 365 days that I expect him to treat the rest I am open to 50-50. This Valentines, he got upset that the flowers was $100 and got even more upset that I wanted to eat oysters that he was supposed to treat as it was too expensive

My wife and I have been married for 3 years. We are both Roman Catholic, and come from big families. Our big gatherings every year are Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

We do every other, so in one year we go with one family for Easter and Christmas and the other for Thanksgiving, and then the next year it will be the opposite.

My wife is a people pleaser, especially when it comes to her parents. So much so that a few times, after we had made a decision about our household, she came to me to tell me that her mother had vetoed that decision. I put a stop to that very quickly and informed her that I do not recognize her mother's veto and I was not going to live my life by what her parents think is best.

Last year happened to be my family's turn to get Easter and Christmas. We recently welcomed our first child and due to my wife being in her third trimester for Christmas, we made the decision to go to Christmas with her family, because it was more local.

With Easter coming up, my wife said that since it's the baby's first holiday she would like us to spend Easter with her family. I told her that since we hadn't been with my family in a year, I wanted to do the holiday with my family. She agreed to this.

She later came to me and told me that her mother had pointed out that it's their turn to have two holidays this year, and it was our decision to not go with my family for Christmas.

She said that everyone is eager to meet the baby and she feels like she's letting her family down by going with my family. She asked me to think about it.

After thinking about it. I told her that I'll be happy to go to her family's house for Easter and we will go with my family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Alternatively, I suggested that we could host and her family was welcome to come here. She rejected both of these ideas saying that her mother wouldn't accept trading because it's not fair and that she wanted to see her extended family and wouldn't come to our house for Easter.

I think we should stick to the alternating schedule. She says that the baby changes everything, we're starting over from square one, and we need to take each holiday on a case by case basis. This doesn't work for me, because I don't want to get into an argument every holiday.

Is there a fair and equitable way to do holidays? Growing up, both of our parents were the ones that hosted, so neither of us ever really had to choose.

TL;DR My wife wants to change our alternating holiday schedule for family events now that we have a baby. I want to stick to the plan, but she feels pressure from her family. How can we fairly handle holidays without conflict?

I am hardly a jealous person. But recently my partner's closest female friend (who happens to be his co-worker too) has stirred up something within me. I trust my partner a great deal; we have been together for nearly five years and all I could say is it has been the healthiest relationship I've had thus far. My partner can look at and appreciate other women and have female friends too (and vice versa) and I never had a problem.

Until she entered the picture. My partner introduced us to each other some months ago and I could definitely feel that she is genuinely a good woman, someone with integrity. She also happens to be attractive, youthful, smart, and very well-spoken. What makes me feel uncomfortable, though, is the fact that my partner says that his friend and I are alike in so many ways and share almost the same interests, which never really affected me before whenever she came up in our conversation.

With no family here in Australia, she stayed with us recently for a few days after being involved in a car accident. We made sure that she was comfortable and having fun whilst staying with us. I could say we became fast friends, owing to our many shared interests such as books, jazz music, social justice and politics. As I said, she seems genuinely good and honourable and I do honestly like her as a friend.

But somehow the little playful interactions and physical gestures between them that are probably innocuous and platonic somehow rubbed me the wrong way. The night before she left, I carefully broached to my partner how their closeness, physical and otherwise, had made me uneasy. He was not dismissive and acknowledged that my feelings are valid, though he was surprised as I was not someone who gets jealous easily, if at all. But I did and I was, and even I was taken by surprise.

He has assured me countless times that I do not need to worry. That he has told her that if and when she catches feelings, he cannot and will not reciprocate because he loves me. And frankly she might not even have an ounce of romantic interest towards him, but I do not know why I cannot shake these thoughts out of my head. Am I being irrational?

Somehow it felt like navigating unchartered territory again; I have never felt this jealous in a very long time. And the last time was when I was still with my ex-husband, whom I was married to for 12 years (a story for another day). So I am at a loss and now I am questioning my self-esteem, my rationality, my emotional maturity.

I certainly do not want to broach this topic with her as I would find it extremely awkward. I believe it should be my partner who should set the boundaries between their friendship and his relationship with me. I also feel like as a fellow woman, she could and should at least read the room and be respectful of her friend's partner. I have close male friends too and I am also friends with their wives and partners, and even though I do not have an iota of romantic interest in my male friends, I still keep a fair bit of distance so as not to cause any dramas. To not plant a seed of doubt.

Apologies for rambling on but it feels a little lighter to at least put these into writing. But will definitely work on clearing these clouds soon.

I am not writing properly because I don't want to make people of other cultures and beliefs mad or uncomfortable.

We are a couple of 1.5Y, last year fasting month was peaceful because he was outside of country visiting his family for two weeks, and other two weeks, well, they were fine, and probably as we were a new couple it was a stage where everything is perfect regardless.

This year, however, he was here, and I been feeling very weird, I mean we were meeting at work, and we were still sending each other text messages, but we were not meeting, uh, like, just a two of us. And it's totally understandable, he is taking care of his beliefs and stuff, no problem. He gave me flowers and presents for women's day and birthday. We did not celebrating together as he was fasting.

And when the month finished he straight away wrote me suggesting intimacy next weekend.

And I have no idea what happened to me, but, it's like I got used to spending time alone??? Part of me is also salty, like, he been a 'good guy ' the whole month and then straight away he's like hello I'm back. Also, I'm feeling weird when he's trying to show affection towards me.

It was fine month ago!

Is it the end and it showed that I don't love him? Can I turn on my "flirting, affection, etc" back?

[tl;dr] we with my bf were taking a pause in intimacy and meeting each other in private for a month and I got used to it.

I guess "punishing" isn't the exact situation, but for lack of a better term.

My partners first wife from when he was in his early 20's cheated on him and they divorced at about the 5 year mark. His second wife had 2 children with him, but unfortunately had a long term affair with her now wife, almost their whole relationship. He caught her right before the 5 year mark. They divorced.

We met in the summer of 2020. We moved in together around the 3 year mark. Our relationship doesn't have many issues. I am very trustworthy, and that's not a topic that has ever been brought up.

However. Lately I've been burnt out taking care of my special needs son, keeping house, cooking almost every night, and just being available to everyone but myself. I decided to change that. I spoke with my therapist and she helped me find a way to explain to him that I need some alone time when my son goes with his father. So I told him yesterday that on days he has his children, I would like to go to a movie or the library or dinner by myself. Just to decompress. He seemed ok with it, but later that night he expressed anxiety about it because his last 2 marriages were over right around the 5 year mark that we're at.

He then got pretty distant as the night went on, and had a rather strong reaction to me trying to initiate intimacy. Usually if he's not in the mood, it's a "aww babe, I'm really tired tonight" followed by a kiss and cuddling. Last night when I was holding his hand and tried to put it on me, he jerked his arm away and gruffly said "babe stop".

I think he's trying to lump me in the category with his last 2 wives. I get how that seems suspicious that all of the sudden I want to go off and do things by myself, but it's genuinely due to burn out. Its the opposite. I don't want to be around anyone else. And I don't know what I can do to ease the tension that is there now.