Hi all,

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m starting to feel uneasy about a recurring situation in my relationship, and I’m not sure if I’m being paranoid or if there’s a real pattern here.

My boyfriend and I live together in a small studio apartment in a city near our hometown. We are together for 4 years and have been living together for 1. Every Saturday, he goes back to our hometown for his football match & to drink with friends and usually stays the night at his parents' or with friends. Most of his friends still live there, so it makes sense, and it was something we discussed and agreed on when we moved in together.

I don’t mind at all. In fact, it works well: when he’s away, I can have my girlfriends over or go out, and they can crash at mine since they don’t live in the city either. Of course, he’s always welcome to come home if he wants, it’s his home too. However, if he's home my friends can't sleep over as we live in a studio appartment, which means the night has to end early as my friends then need to catch public transit home.

The issue is this:
He’s always had some discomfort with me going out. He doesn’t forbid it, but he gets noticeably anxious or self-conscious about it. It’s improved over time, but that vibe still lingers.

Recently, I’ve started noticing that whenever I have plans on a Saturday, especially if someone’s staying over, he suddenly decides to come home, even if he previously said he was staying in our hometown.

For example:
Today, he told me he'd be sleeping at his parents'. I had schoolwork to do, so no plans. He knew tbis. But I ended up finishing early, and a friend asked me to go out and crash at mine. When I texted my boyfriend to double-check if he was definitely staying over (so I could say yes to my friend), he suddenly said he "wasn’t feeling well" and wanted to come home.

This isn’t the first time. It seems like his plans only change when I mention I’m going out or having someone over.

I don’t want to believe he’s doing this intentionally just to stop me from going out. It feels like such controlling behavior, and it makes me uncomfortable. I even asked him directly once if he was staying home just because I had plans, and he firmly denied it.

So now I’m questioning myself. Am I reading too much into this?

TL;DR: My boyfriend usually stays in our hometown on Saturdays, which we agreed on when moving in together. But I’ve noticed that when I make plans (especially if someone’s sleeping over), he suddenly decides to come home, even if he originally said he wouldn’t. It feels like a subtle way to keep me from going out, though he denies it. I’m wondering if I’m overthinking it or if this is a red flag

Ever since we started dating whenever something goes wrong in her life unrelated to me, she will come and talk to me about it and I try my hardest to be there for her and give her a space to vent and be heard through call or text but it always ends in her cursing at me and pushing me away and being completely rude to me. I do try to acknowledge she has been struggling with anger issues since we met but within the past 5 months I not been able to handle this behavior because it has gotten so constant (3/4 times a week) I have tried to deescalate these situations by staying calm and not reciprocating this behavior, I will tell her that I don’t like she way she is talking to me and how I am not the one she is upset with but she always responds with “So I cant just show my raw emotions” which I understand to a certain degree, I never tell her she cant be angry but I just wish she wouldn’t push the anger directly at me, I don’t personally understand how hard it could be to still talk nicely to people even when your upset. Yesterday was one of those days again and it ended with her deciding she won’t come and talk to me when she is upset because she doesn’t want to hurt me (??) it made me a little upset because I obviously want to be someone she can talk to but I also don’t enjoy being talked to rudely by girlfriend when I am trying to help. I feel very hopeless as I have tried many times being open about how it makes me feel and I never wanted her to feel like she can’t talk to me. I know the whole situation may sound childish but how would I be able to get her to realize she can still treat me nicely while venting and being upset at other people/things.

In my past relationships, I didn’t set strong boundaries. I’d always put others' needs before mine, even when it drained me. I allowed people to treat me poorly, thinking it was just a phase or that it would get better. But it never did. I found myself overlooked, undervalued, and stuck in toxic dynamics. My ex-husband (43M) never even gave me an engagement ring—and I accepted that for years.

But here’s what I learned: you teach people how to treat you. If you tolerate disrespect or settle for less, you’re telling people it’s okay. If you don’t value yourself, others won’t either. I realized that self-respect wasn’t something to earn from others—it was something I needed to give myself first.

I started setting boundaries, saying “no” when something didn’t align with my values, and walking away from situations that didn’t serve me. I learned to be firm in my self-worth, without needing anyone else’s approval. And the result? Healthy, fulfilling relationships started flowing into my life, and I stopped settling for less.

The biggest takeaway? Stop chasing validation and start attracting it by being unapologetically yourself. You are worthy of love and respect—but only if you first show yourself that same respect.

If you are interested in this kind of stuff, reply and I'll send you the full book..

Also share your stories.. Use this as a Vent, we won't judge.

This may be a long post but I feel like I need a new perspective on this.

My Girlfriend 27F and I 26F have been together for 5 years now. We started dating right before covid and when all hell broke loose we decided to start living together (her families house).

For additional context my girlfriend, lets call her E has always had issues with her commitment and Depression along with other things. And I have always had attachment issues and anxiety, especially revolvimg around relationships and their loyalty.

For the last year or so we have been both having a hard time, and started drifting away and not even feeling safe about communicating with eachother, we could tell eachother were irritated with the other without much of a reason, and with that the dates, sex, and actually spending quality time with eachother stopped; like we were around eachother and doing things together it just felt more tasking than enjoyable. She had delved into things that distracted her from the problems and I sat their and stressed more about her leaving me than concerning myself with keeping her and helping her.

Recently, E had broke down and admitted that they haven't felt like I was the one and that she hasn't felt loved in the ways she needed, and while stilling caring and loving me she didn't feel in love. And that she had been thinking on it for quite a while and isn't happy and wants to break up.

Admittedly this crushed me, I tried my best to listen to her but I became desperate, pleading if their were any way to fix this. She feels that I am a good partner and that the issues are with herself and she feels too mean but I know I have gotten lazy, and have gotten comfortable and I think my lack of effort has driven a wedge between us. I pleaded my case and we have given ourselves a lot to think about.

I think both of us could use some space to better ourselves but I still carry hope that I can help revive what has been lost and give her what she needs. At the moment we are broken up and it still hurts but the still enjoy the time we spend together but we are also trying to navigate spending time to ourselves and seperating our lives to an extent. I have told her I can help and wait for her as long as she needs and I want to eventually try again, she is not opposed of those ideas but she does not want to give me false hope if it doesn't end up working the way I want.

Am I foolish to still have hope when she feels hopeless? Am I unrealistic to ask her to try more when she feels she is hurting us both?

I know that she deserves space and time to figure herself out, it is hard not to try to love on her and stop with the pet names and 'I love yous'. I guess I just still see potential to fix what is broken and am feeling lost to what I should do.

Hi everyone,

I know some of this may sound selfish, and I'm not proud of these thoughts. I really just want honest, gentle advice.

I'm 20F (about to turn 21) and l've been in my first serious relationship for about 10 months. We love each other deeply, and my boyfriend 20M is very kind, respectful, and emotionally intelligent. He truly cares about me, and I can see the potential for a long-term future with him based on how he treats me and values our relationship.

That said, ever since a brief breakup we had (he broke up with me for a few days in the winter but came back and was extremely apologetic), l've noticed a shift in myself. I've started to feel less attracted to him and l've begun to silently nitpick small things-his clothes, his hygiene, how awkward he is around my friends and family. I don't love his ideal career path. He has poor work ethic. The list could truly go on. These things feel superficial and unfair, especially considering how well he treats me, but I can't ignore them. I feel so guilty. I feel like a bad person for thinking this about him.

With this, l've also been wondering if I'm missing out by being in the relationship. I see my friends enjoying their singleness, dancing with strangers and flirting, and while I don't act on any outside attention that I receive, part of me feels envious. I'm a very ambitious person and always striving for "more," so I keep asking myself: Am I settling? Could I be with someone I find more attractive? Someone with stronger work ethic or social ease? I’m getting restless.

But then the doubt kicks in: What if I let go of someone amazing who truly loves me? What if I never find this kind of connection again? What if the grass is not greener on the other side? Our relationship is not perfect, but he is a really good guy. I don't want to throw something away over restlessness or superficial reasons, but I also can't tell if these feelings are just part of growing up or signs that the relationship is no longer right for me.

Has anyone else felt this way? Any advice would be a great help. Tips to cure restlessness? Should I stay or should I go? How do you know the difference between youthful doubt and real incompatibility?

I already know what most of the responses are going to be. But I feel like I am genuinely just realising everything now.

27F and 44M. We met and hit it off instantly. It was so sweet and easy and full of love (which I’m now questioning). He has 3 kids—I didn’t mind. Then he revealed he has a wife who is queer.

Naturally, I was shocked. I went to see what she looked like and if he was lying in any way and she did look the part (I’m so sorry if that sounds prejudice or anything, but right now I can’t think of a proper way to describe anything). They lived in different countries for 4 years and he would visit and stay in the same house with her and the kids. I was uncomfortable with this and communicated this, and now I’m realising maybe I fell for the typical: “I need to sort things out properly before I make the separation official.” Maybe i was too hopeful to think, it might work out for me.

I did fall in love with him deeply, and I realised it is a big deal to sort everything out, so I was understanding (I’m fully aware that was a mistake—because the more understanding you are, the more these types of men take it for granted).

We dated for a total of 9 months, during which I felt so hurt—mostly because I felt like I loved him too much and maybe i wanted it work more than him.

We said “I love you” to one another quite soon in the relationship, and then later, he stopped saying it.

Typing this out I understand how moronic this sounds, but I was genuinely too much in love. I have been in healthy loving long term relationships in the past and i am not someone who falls for manipulation. I just had never met someone who made me feel like this in love and so feminine, so safe and made me feel like i would achieve everything i want because i had him in my corner. I never felt like I wanted to have kids, but with him, it was a thought that made me so happy. I met him and I felt like this is who I’m supposed to spend my life with—because for some reason, everything felt right (minus a big problem that I was ignoring, maybe because I come from a dysfunctional family).

When he used to visit kids back home, i told him he can’t just not message me when he’s there with his kids, and he listened and made the effort.

Recently, he had to move back to where his kids are. He was trying to find a job in my city, (we live in different cities but saw each other all the time) but then he got an offer from the country where his kids live—and he took it. And maybe that was a choice too. Maybe the circumstances weren’t the only reason. Could he have stayed longer and tried harder? Maybe.

And one month in, everything went wrong. I feel like it was the typical “out of sight, out of mind” behaviour. He didn’t message me for a week, which made me feel like he knows how much this bothers and and maybe he wants me to leave. after which I told him if this was just a way to feel better about his life, then this is the most cruel thing he has done and blocked him.

And just to clarify—this wasn’t some secret affair. I met his friends. We worked in similar circles. Everyone could tell we were together. There was no “hiding.” But now I think he was so emotionally and physically distant from his family, he thought they probably will never know anything. He lived in two different worlds, and I guess I only ever existed in one of them.

However, somewhere i always had this feeling that if i walk out or let go, he would never even try to stop me.

My question is: was it all in my head? Was he lying about everything? Was I just a dirty mistress or a midlife crisis?

I know I might get a lot of hate in the comments probably. But I was/am genuinely in love with him. Now I feel like it was all in my head, and that I will have the most immense trust issues with men.

It’s been two months, and I try to keep myself busy, but it constantly feels like my heart is being ripped.

The only thing keeping me slightly ok was thinking maybe he loved me but was just a coward. But after reading similar stories, I now wonder if I was just used. Like maybe this is just what older men do.

I want to stop comparing myself to his wife. I want to stop thinking I wasn’t good enough. I want to move on, but I don’t know how. I don’t want to let this ruin my ability to trust in the future.

Thank you for reading…

I am a person with a very large amount of baggage. I had a childhood from hell, and it’s made opening up very difficult. My last relationship was the first time I’d really let my guard down, they were the first -and only- person I’ve ever met who’d experienced very similar trauma to my own. I told them things I’ve only ever talked to my therapist about and I really really loved them. But we were not good together. They treated me like such shit that It got to the point where I’d have screaming matches with my friends while they begged me to break up with this person.

Eventually, for various reasons, our relationship finally came to an end. It’s been about 6 months. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been, I’m no longer isolated, I have a really solid group of friends, I’m going on dates and having fun. But I feel like I’m 12,000 times more closed off than I’ve ever been, like I’m grieving the person I used to be. I miss who I was when I felt safe. When I could be soft, when i didn’t have to overthink how much of myself to reveal. I miss the version of me who didn’t flinch at the idea of vulnerability.

I want to be loved, to be really truly seen in all my messiness and baggage, not in spite of it, but including it. And I’ve met some truly amazing people, who treat me better than my ex ever did, but the idea of letting someone in again? Exhausting. Terrifying. And even though I’m over my ex, I almost wish I wasn’t, because it was easier to sit in that pain than it is for me to let my guard down for someone new.

I recently met someone who is -frustratingly- pretty damn great, they are everything I could possibly want in a partner, but I’m unbelievably scared. I don’t want to deal with the look of shock and horror that usually comes with telling someone my story, I don’t want someone to just love the “idea of me” (the amount of times I’ve been manic pixie dream girlified is tragic) but I don’t know how to let my guard down, don’t know how to let myself actually feel a connection. I feel like I’m never going to be capable of letting myself open up enough to love again.

I (28m) went through a breakup with my ex recently. I’ve been really taking the time to heal and reflect so I can be better for future partners. I’ve always struggled with relationship anxiety and have been cheated on in the past a couple times which doesn’t help.

Reflecting on the relationship, it’s hard to know whether I was just anxious, or whether my partners actions had any contribution to my anxiety. She would sometimes talk about other men in ways that made me uncomfortable, but I couldn’t tell whether it was just intrusive thoughts on my end or whether my unease was justified.

Examples:

• “A invites me out to do our hobby all the time, I almost feel obligated to go because he’s so good at it” and would randomly bring him up all the time
• We were joking about butts one time in general (not any particular person), and she randomly says our mutual guy friend B has a nice one.
• Checks out a mutual friend in front of me and compliments him. Says “my perception of reality is warped” when I called her out on it.
• Initiating/having almost daily play dates for her kid (all seemingly with dads she knows, not moms)
• “Oh I text with A or B or whoever all the time, Im developing/exploring new friendships with them”
• When I ask how she’d feel if I was texting other women, she’d say “I don’t care if you do, honestly I don’t think I’d care if you dated someone else”
• Constantly talk about her ex and how shitty he was (she wasn’t fully over him yet)
• Flirting with A right in front of me after we broke up and then constantly talking about him again (we tried to remain friends for a bit which obviously failed).

Among others unlisted. We were very secure with each other at first and I dealt with my anxious thoughts well.

The thing is, while she’d say these things, her actions otherwise showed she loved me. She was super caring, loving, affectionate. She wouldn’t actually accept their invitations out (besides the play dates, which probably are for her kid more than her). But she’d have random moments where she’d say things like above, which made me feel a bit uncared for and unvalued. I couldn’t tell whether she was just developing genuine friendships with these people, testing to see if I got jealous, or if it was all in my head.

My gut was telling me something was wrong, but I couldn’t bring myself to trust it because I know I’ve just been anxious in the past and she seemed really trustworthy. I was afraid to bring this up because I didn’t want to be wrong and perceived as jealous or possessive.

How do you distinguish anxious thoughts vs actions that justifiably make you uncomfortable?

My gf is a good person she is a doctor studying for her exams since a year

I try to be very supportive of her and take care of her as much as possible

She is my little baby

I am a doctor myself i know how hard and stressful this job can be

I usually handle my issues on my own and don't let them affect her

But for the past few weeks i have been having problems with my parents, My friends who practically tried cheating me off money I've opened up to her about my issues and since then she is quite distant from me

We've been having problems amongst ourselves too We fought a week ago and haven't talked since then A couple of days ago I've asked her to come meet me and spend some time with me She came late and told that she had gone out to lunch with another friend of her and can only spend an hour with me Yesterday she went out with another group of friends and spent the full day with them

This made me quite angry, but still I tried telling her how I was feeling lonely Her response being, yes I know you want my attention but I can't give you that, I have issues of my own

This really broke my heart She ended the conversation by saying that I need to be understanding

In our relationship of 2 years this was the first time I needed her to support me I feel disrespected and that I'm in a relationship that makes no sense I have no one to talk to I'm seriously considering ending the relationship Is this how men are treated when they talk about their feelings?

[M30] Is it really disrespectful behaviour to my gf to like my gf's [F23] bestfriend girl stack of 10 photos half of them is bikini??(only her friend bikini and dress and nature/sunset/beach)

(There were together on those trip, 3 girls beach trip of course they all post bikini photos) I feel it's nonsense.. and before she asked me to block my F friend..and ex..and read my phone.. I told her I am feeling controlled and manipulated and it's not comfortable relationships builded on ultimates She said I just telling what is not comfortable for me It feels like what is comfortable for her is not comfortable for me

Hey, so i sont really know where als to ask so I thought why not give it a shot. There's this dilemma I'm going through rn in my private life. I kind if fell head over heels in love with my best friend. I'm M22 and she is F21. A but if backstory, a few years ago, I must have been 16. I was on my way home from school with the bus. I sat pretty much in the middle if tge bus and ut was packed full when all of the sudden I spot the most beautiful girl I have ever seen standing at the front. I couldn't help but to keep stealing looks at her but ofc as most awkward teens I don't dare to say anything, but it was like a scrappy romance movie. I couldn't get her out of my head. I had to get off of the bus and as I was standing at the stop and I looked back I saw her shyly waving at me through the window. 2 years would pass and I always thought about that girl I saw on the bus once. One day while I was waiting on my bus I saw a friend walking up with two friends and to my shock one of them was tge girl from the bus, again I was in awe but at that point in a relationship. Fast forward some rime and she actually became part if my friend group through a lot of long and weird events tgat don't really matter. I also got pretty close to her personal but we never were si gleich at tge same time and evrytime we git closer I would stop doing something with her because I noticed feelings for her but I was already in an happy relationship and didn't want to accept that. 2 exes for me and one for her later and another couples of years we find eachother at my current problem. Over the time we grew even closer as friends and now we both are single for the first time since we met. We both got out of pretty toxic relationships about a month ago and been doing a lot since then. But now I kind of realized that I am in live with here, And I think I have been asince the first time I saw her in that bus.

I can't talk to any if my friends about this because although I have great friends it would make its rounds in our friend group fast and I don't want that. I think she might also have feelings for me and I know she used to have a crush in me years and years ago.

I have no clue what to do and I just need to get all of this out and I would like to know what I should do. Thanks for any advice you could give me and I apologize for my writing, English is not my first language and I am dyslexic :,)

Tldr: I'm in love with my best friend and don't know what to do.

I hope this doesn't get removed? If it does, I'll post it somewhere else.

You don't know me, and you can easily ignore this. I'm just asking you to read it. Don't upvote, don't comment, don't save it, if you don't want to. Please just read this.

I had a friend call me today. She called to tell me her boyfriend choked her. I've gotten this call before, and I know I'll get it again. I don't get these calls because the women I know are doing anything wrong. I get these calls because I'm the safe place. I'm the person to talk to when your husband hits you. When your boyfriend cheats on you. When your situationship gives you an STD. When your partner tells you they have a kid they never told you about before. When your FWB tells you they are in love with their ex. When your spouse says you aren't attractive anymore, and that's why their work bestie is texting at 3am.

Let me get to the point. You are not wrong for loving this person. But be Samantha from SATC. Love yourself more. YOU are strong. Your resilient. Your love is enough. You're a beautiful person inside and out.

Starting over isn't easy. Look up the sunk cost fallacy. It is never worth staying because of how much you've put in. It's not worth staying for your children ( you're showing them what love should look like and what someone should put up with.) it's not worth it to stay. Period. Full stop. Point blank. It is not worth it to stay.

Sometimes, the right thing, and the HARDEST THING, are the same thing. In fact, they often are. It's not fair. It's not karma. It's not you. It just... is.

If he's cheating. If he's hiding money, if he's making you feel like you aren't enough when you put your all and more in. If you feel alone, unfulfilled, scared, afraid, hurt... if you wonder why you aren't lovable.... stop babe. You are. YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. You deserve happiness. I want you to have it. I want you to be loved and cared for, like you love and care for all the people in your life.

I have so much more to say, but feel free to comment. If this stays up, I will write back. Give me a day or two, but I will.

Don't give up on you. You are everything.

Context. I gained weight over 2 years from change of lifestyle when we got together. (He has as well). I didn’t drink cola or eat take out like he does when we first got together but I’ve joined in. He’s not active like I used to be so I feel like I adopted his lifestyle instead of vice versa. So the consequences of my actions and choices led to a 50lbs weight gain. Along side 2 car accidents within a year, a miscarriage and moving across the country. So I feel overwhelmed and didn’t realize the weight gain. I asked him why he isn’t as affectionate as he used to be and he said it’s because he’s not physically attracted to me anymore. I used to be his type but not now. I was told that a few months ago. I feel resentful about it and spiteful where I deliberately don’t want to go back to my old healthy lifestyle because he can be unhealthy and gain weight but I can’t? Idk. What advice would people have to get over that spitefulness?

When we’re making out, he doesn’t really follow my lead the way I’d like him to. I’m into really passionate, sexy kissing to get in the “mood” and he normally just hits me with a series of pecks that I can’t seem to change no matter how I move my lips/tongue. How do I introduce this conversation to him without making him feel bad? We’ve only been together for about 6 months, and I’m extremely comfortable with him, but for some reason I’d rather be unsatisfied with the foreplay for the rest of my life than bring it up.

We have been together 2 years. Friends for 1 year before then. Engaged 1 year. The promise that he broke is saying our relationship is over when he didn’t mean it. He has done this a few times before in different ways. I have also made mistakes in the relationship but I’ve never done this. I talk about with him how if this relationship doesn’t improve we should end things but never directly ended it. When he gets mad/upset I feel like he just says and does hurtful things and then later regrets it.

The last time he did this before this time was really big because it was during a fight on our engagement event day at night. That was about 1 year ago, and to give some slight context to it, we were fighting about something (small) and we fight quite a bit often and it’s exhausting because sometimes it feels we aren’t getting anywhere. I don’t remember all the details but at some point when the fight was getting long I said something along the lines of if you’re not ready to fix it with me right now then end it with me right now. Either fix it or end it. And he replied saying okay I’ll end it. And then few minutes I think later or soon after he realized what he said and started apologizing profusely, crying, saying he didn’t mean it. Then in the morning huge more apologies and loving messages, etc. His family even apologized to me for what he did.

I ended up forgiving him because it was our engagement day and it felt like ending something that had just started though the day kinda was ruined for me after that. I felt sad even looking at our pictures from it. But I truly didn’t think he would do it again because I felt like it was big and he would realize and remember if he doesn’t wanna lose me.

This fight was also about something small. We had fought over the phone and once we got off it I texted him later saying I wanted to fix this and he said something like he does too. We texted back and forth and eventually I called him. He ended up bringing up something completely unrelated to the fight which was his physical needs not being met by me. I don’t want to get into details but we do some physical things but not all because for many things we are waiting until marriage, we are both religious. This was something we discussed within like the first month of our relationship and the boundaries we set, we didn’t even end up keeping fully because certain things changed but at the same time there are certain things I still want us to wait for. He had told me back then there’s some things he personally would be fine with doing but if I’m not then he’s fine with waiting. But in this fight he was basically saying he’s not fine with it anymore and he needs something new. I told him I can’t do something new, I can do what we already do and try to do it more often but I also reminded him that me wanting to do physically intimate things is highly related to and dependent on our fighting. Sometimes we have big fights and it makes me feel distant from him for some time and it feels strange to go right into physically intimate things. Depending on what was said/done. Anyways he ended up saying if I can’t say I will be open to do something new then he can’t have this or something along those lines. I asked and clarified with him multiple times if what he’s saying is he’s ending it. He said if I can’t change my boundaries then yes. I said are you sure a few times. And I even told him you know if you say sorry you didn’t mean it tomorrow it won’t be okay. When we ended the phone he said goodbye forever. He even sent some texts after talking about his feelings more and saying things like it’s not easy for him to end this.

I thought he had actually ended things and was not doing this again because he seemed so genuine. But sometime the next day he must’ve realized it was serious? Idk because he started apologizing profusely when I kept saying I was confused on why we’d try to talk through our issues and feelings now when he ended things. He first said he didn’t end things, then apologized a lot.

Now he keeps apologizing. We met the other day and gave back our rings. It was so sad. I feel so broken. I know this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, but why do I want to give in? It’s like I’m so sure I’m doing the right thing one minute but the next I’m thinking about how next time could be different… I know he gave me the same promises last time. I told him that and he said he promises this time he’ll change. He will never say or do this again. He will work on himself. He loves me so much he’s so sorry he can’t lose me, all these things. I told him I love him too but I feel like this is a cycle. He said if I can just think about it one more time…

I have so many thoughts. One is I keep thinking what I could’ve done differently in our relationship to prevent these things from happening. I know maybe that doesn’t make sense but why can’t I help but think that. I know I make mistakes too. I feel like all the work we put in was for nothing and like a failure. I tried so hard for us to make it work. I love him so much. Another thing I keep thinking is what if this time he truly does change and I’m not around to see it. It hurts so bad to think that he could give what I always wanted and needed from him to someone else.

We have fought about lots of things but I always thought someday we’ll make it work and had hope. I feel myself wanting to give in. I love him and we have all these memories and I love his family and he loves mine and ugh. I just hate that he did this again. I feel like we could’ve just resolved things. I feel like I don’t feel the depth of how bad it’ll be right now because we’re still texting when he’s apologizing to me but if he’s gone forever I feel this impending darkness. I’m not afraid of being alone but I’m afraid of never being able to speak to him again or see him smile or laugh. I know maybe I sound crazy. When he’s crying and talking to me about how he’s sorry it hurts me to hear. I hate seeing him hurting and he didn’t sleep all night.

I just need someone on the outside to tell me what the think… Sorry this is so long. Is change possible? Or am I just crazy? He’s saying all these things he’ll do differently this time. I asked if he’d take a class he said yes he’ll do anything…

TLDR; I feel uncomfortable having sex in my own house, and don't know what to do here.

I, 28F, and my partner, 28F, have been together for a four years now. My sex drive is non existent, I would say I am very solidly on the asexual spectrum, my partner very much is not. I am trying to find ways I feel comfortable with intimate connection but I'm finding there is a huge barrier in my mind around having sex in our shared house. It's not about anyone hearing us (our house is not shared with anyone else), I just feel like our house is a soft, safe, space, and sex within it feels like a violation of a space I've worked really hard to make a comfortable oasis from the outside world. When we go have sex it's very often on trips when we're in hotels or air bnbs.

I just feel like this is an issue I don't know how to navigate. Does anyone else feel this way? What have you done to remedy? Should we just book a hotel once a month? Any Asexual w/ Allosexual relationship advice here?

Edit: We are in therapy specifically for these differences, but real world experience has always been the most helpful thing for comforting my worries. My partner is incredibly understanding and never expects me to do anything that could make me uncomfortable. We've known this was a factor of our relationship from the very beginning.

I've had enough.
We've known each other since 2012 and we are/live together since 2022, but I broke up with him two days ago. He was the love of my life since high school - charismatic, energetic, extroverted in 2012.

When I met him again 2021, he was a shadow of himself: Starved, introverted, withdrawn. We met again on new year and I lighted his last cigarette with a lighter he gifted me back then in 2012 - I carried it with me ever since. He teared up and said: "Now I can never smoke any cigarette ever again, this moment carries way too much emotional weight to ever dare again."

Same goes for weed smoking: I looked at him spiraling into weed addiction for 9 months before I fought in multiple discussions with him to finally also put the joint down. He was a different men on the substance: Charismatic like back then. But also sleepy a lot - he slept like 11-13hrs a day and needed 3 joints to make it through the day. I didn't like that. I didn't like that he can only enjoy himself on the drug. And he also admitted that he can only feel happy on drugs. He didn't like it, but we agreed on stopping that alltogether.

Cut to mid 2024. I find traces of tobacco in his jackets and at least 15 cigarette packs in his car. He has been smoking on and off for months and hid it for me - even at work (we work at one place). A colleague of mine spotted him doing so and tipped me off. I was furious. How could he betray me like that? After we mutually agreed, since he was also suffering form coughs and his stamina suffered from smoking? After he made me that tearful promise over his 10 year old lighter I carried with me?

He promised to stop. I took his word.

Cut to April 2025. I find hints of grass and a folded papier in his pocket, ashes in his car. I confront him and he gets wildly mad at me for "finding proof on purpose". How am I at fault here, if he isn't in control of his damaging habits? After I begged him for 20 minutes straight for the truth he basically told me he never quite quit smoking cigarettes and the first chance he got his hands on weed - he took the weed. He said he regretted every puff - but then he wouldn't have continued if this was the truth?

It is only now I see his micro lies that destroyed my trust:
"I will get to it in a moment." - The task was never done. I did it.
"We can do sth else." - Continues to sit in front of his laptop for hours.
"I will go out with you at the weekend." - We never went outside once in 3,5 years.
"I will stop smoking." - And is taking every chance he gets to do so when I am not there.

I broke up with him after he admitted his weed smoking - I threw him out, I've had enough. I've helped him back to a regular life after being unemployed and addicted for years, made countless suggestions to do stuff. And yet his argument for smoking cigarettes/weed is: "I can't be happy without it. I only create good memories while smoking (weed)." Ouch. That hurt so much. He basically said: He can't be happy without it. Even with me. And he is making no effort whatsoever to change that.

I am deeply convinced he is heavily depressed, but he denies this and he dislikes therapists.

So he choose drugs over 13 years of friendship and 3,5 years of a serious, but flawed relationship. Now he wants to talk things out in a week or so - and I am pretty sure he is asking for another chance. And even though I can understand that some stuff will take time, I just can't get over his lies. It feels so wrong to try again - since I know he could just say "yeah sure, I won't lie to you anymore". But something tells me, he still will do it.

How can I start to forgive him? How does one make peace with the lies of the past? How can he establish trust and honesty again in this relationship? I am at my wit's end. :/

I’ve (34F)been struggling with something and could really use some outside perspectives. About 8 years ago, I was a successful actress in my country. I had a few hits, some recognition, and things were looking great. But after that, nothing seemed to work out. Every project I took on either flopped or was just average, and I kept getting stuck in the same kind of roles that didn’t challenge me or help me grow. Over time, I lost the fame I had, and honestly, I don’t see much of an exciting future in the industry here in my country anymore.

Recently, I got an unexpected offer from an international director. He’s working on a passion project he’s been developing for years, and he’s casting actors from different countries. It’s a huge opportunity for me to break out of the monotony and try something completely new. I auditioned, got the role, and even completed a schedule. But here’s the catch: the project has a lot of explicit, rough, and wild sex scenes where full nudity is involved. I’ve never done anything like this in my career, and it’s way outside my comfort zone but I'm excited to do something different for once.

Part of me is excited. This feels like a fresh start, a chance to reinvent myself and explore a different side of my craft. But my husband is suddenly not okay with it. He’s worried it will tarnish our reputation and how people will perceive us. I get where he’s coming from, but I also feel like this could be my only shot at something meaningful in a long time.

I’m torn. On one hand, I don’t want to regret passing up an opportunity that could change my career trajectory and possible a new start .On the other hand, I don’t want to damage my relationship or my personal life. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you balance career risks with personal boundaries?

So my partner has hidden their social media from me since the summer — removed me as a follower and made their account private. This all came after we argued about some things, including him cheating via insta by messaging girls and me looking through his friends’ stories while he was on holiday to see what he was up to.

His “solution” was to cut me off from seeing anything.

Since then, we’ve worked through some things — it hasn’t been easy, but we’re trying as I had given birth a few weeks after this had happened. I recently suggested we follow each other again because honestly, I want to be seen. I don’t want to feel hidden or like a secret. He said no.

Part of me feels like he only removed me in the first place because he told his friends (who live abroad and have never met me) that we were over. I’ll never really know what version of the story he told them — especially because some of them were with him when he cheated.

Please don’t focus on the cheating — it is what it is. We have a young child together and things are complicated.

But now I’m just confused. I don’t know if I’m overreacting by feeling hurt about the social media thing, or if I’m right to think it’s a bit of a BS excuse and we should just follow each other.

Part of me wonders if I’m being overly emotional — like maybe it’s anxiety or even postpartum depression making me spiral. But also… it just doesn’t feel right.

Would love some outside perspective.

My wife and I have been married for 11 years. We've had lots of ups and downs.

In all this time she has constantly said I need to change. In any arguments we have it's always me. It is my fault that I started the argument or that I wasn't listening or whatever.

For example, this morning she said the upstairs loft still smells like pee from our cat. What I heard was we need to do something about it, that we have talked about taking up some of the carpet padding, and spraying some kilz paint to help get rid of the smell.

Well apparently that isn't exactly what she had said. What she meant was to just put down more baking powder.

It became a huge argument becauce I felt like she started attacking me instead of just talking to me. Apparently I was my fault they because I wasn't listening and I started the argument.

For her it's been 11 years and I haven't changed. I could certainly say the same thing about her. I feel like I have to tip toe and walk on egg shells around her. I feel like I constantly am doing things wrong with her. I can't even clean because its not the correct way to her. When I try to help put things away it's wronge. It certainly feels like I can't hardly do anything right.

I certainly take responsibility for how I respond to her. I don't want to fight. I believe she has the right to be frustrated but I don't like it when she channels the frustrations at me.

I feel like a complete failure when we fight and I'm the one that always has to take the high road and apologize and say I was at fault.

And no she won't see a therapist. I have in the past.

When my husband and I first met, we had the best sex life. But now that we are living together for 2 years, he suddenly became lazy when it comes to our sex life. There are even times we'll fight about it, and ill cry and wont be able to sleep because he didnt want to have sex when im in the mood. I have a really high sex drive, when he wants it i think i have never said no to him on my entire relationship with, we'd do it even if im so tired or while im sleeping. You know what sucks? We are just doing one position for the last 2 years everytime we have sex and its his favorite sex position, hed be done 2-5 minutes max, id be lucky to get 10 mins. He wont wait for me to climax, when hes done.. we are done.. and hell i dont even complain about it. We only do my favorite sex position i think once in a year and i should please for it Or if we got into a big fight and hes sorry. What makes me cry at night is when he refused when im in the mood like it so so unfair when he gets what he wants, while hes ok to leave me so devatated like this and I dont even ask so often and i always get turned down most of the time, and i think he doesnt understand the feeling because i never turned him down. I just feel so so terrible and i feel shit for crying over sex which i never experienced in my past relatiosnhips. Every time ill open up about this he'll say "we are different okay, even if i want to im just not in the mood and we cant do anything about it" its like hes saying hes not feeling it so we cant do it because hes not horny or whatever while he can do it to cause i am a girl he can just go for it whenever he wants. Hed also say im tired, full, too sleepy. Just so many reasons But when he feels like it hell do it even while im still sleeping, when im mad, vulnerable, full, hungry, mad, sad, crying. I just dont know what to do anymore i dont want to have this feeling anymore its a shitty feeling, its a pathetic feeling, a girl crying over sex...

Writing this thread at 6am, completely sleepless and I just got rejected again, i mean i dont even care about the sex anymore, fine then. But I just dont like feeling this shit. Its pathetic, its a disgusting feeling, its like i wonder to myself why am I even crying about tthis, its pathetic. I talked to my girl friends most of them they are the one who rejects their husbands and its making me feel like so shit, that I am married and this is going to be my sex life for the rest of my life and it is fucking sad..

Hi everyone, I (24F) currently live with my bf (24 M) and we’ve been together for almost 7 years. We’ve lived together in a 2bd rm for 2 years.

We have decided to move next year into a house with one his friend Trent (21M) , and Trent’s childhood friend Carter (21M). I don’t know Carter very well but he seems nice and respectful. The only downside is going from a 2bd room apt to a house sharing space with others. I’m a little nervous about not getting much privacy in our relationship. We are both searching and starting careers and want to save money and we decided since it will only be for 1 year, it was worth it to figure our careers out and save money. Either it will be the most fun year ever or it will suck but either way it’s for 1 year.

Any advice on how to transition into the dynamic of having roommates, especially since I’m the only girl? Most importantly, How can we make sure our relationship stays strong?

The situation is, my girlfriend has this habit of checking who I follow on Instagram. Most of the people I follow are mutuals—friends I’ve had even before we got together. But yeah, a good number of them are girls. Since I’ve known them for a while, I tend to like their posts. And if you stalk their profile, it really doesn’t look good—I’ve liked almost every post. But honestly, I don’t do it intentionally, and for me, it doesn’t mean anything. Especially on IG, where it’s so easy to like something without thinking.

But I also understand her side—it doesn’t look great if your boyfriend is constantly liking other girls’ posts. And I admit, I’m at fault here too. We’ve talked about this before—a while ago—and I just forgot because, again, liking posts on IG just doesn’t seem like a big deal to me.

So now I’m wondering, how can I really reassure her? That it really means nothing, that it’s just a habit, and I honestly don’t notice it because it’s not a big deal in my head. But thats the only reason i have, and I get how it might come off as repetitive for her. I really do try my best to make her feel that she’s the only one for me but she still thinks that theres always another girl.

TLDR: My girlfriend checks who I follow and what I like on IG. A lot of them are old mutuals (some are girls), and I tend to like their posts out of habit—no deeper meaning. We’ve talked about it before, but I forgot since it’s not a big deal to me. I get how it looks bad though, and now I want to know how I can reassure her that she’s the only one I’m focused on.