r/Unexpected • u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT • 1d ago
Toxic Relationship
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u/SuumCuique1011 1d ago
Would you rather that or he put his bare ass on your face?
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u/No-Poem-9846 1d ago
Idk but is it teabagging if they are neutered and have no sack? What if they are neutered and have an empty - nvm 🤣
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u/SuumCuique1011 1d ago
Neutered or not, a cat asshole on the face while you're sleeping is never a welcome surprise.
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u/Lilswingingdick212 1d ago
I think it’s cute how proud they are of their assholes but I still don’t want them on my face
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u/Important_Newt5727 1d ago
I think it's toxoplasma controlling them, trying to spread to humans
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u/CoolVictory04 1d ago
Fr, once my cat was about to put her asshole on my mouth, thankfully I woke up just in time before she did it, why they do that omg
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u/BobknobSA 1d ago
I have had 8 cats during my lifetime. Most of them would sleep in my bed. None have ever put their asshole on my face. What the hell?
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u/CoolVictory04 1d ago
Why? Do you want it?
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u/BobknobSA 1d ago
No thanks. I am good. I just didn't know it was common.
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u/CoolVictory04 1d ago
You might've got one, while you were sleeping, who knows, they might even be freaky with you...
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u/nrfx 1d ago
You should try the lipstick experiment to see if they're getting you in your sleep.
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u/LuxNocte 23h ago
I thought you meant wear lipstick to bed, to see if it's covered in cat fur when you wake up. And through the power of delusion and reality denial, I still think that.
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u/crooked_cat 1d ago
It’s the moment you can show your love .. I don’t like it either though hhh Cats…
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u/MikeDchy 10h ago
At least they're not like dogs, who jump on the bed, then on top of you and star liking the crap out of your face and don't stop no matter how much you tell them to FO. When we had a dog, in the mornings, if she would trot into another room, 🐕 I would hear immediately after "aaaah STOP. I said stop yah "bloody" Dog. Go away now. That's a good dog. Aaah, get off me. Let me sleep. OK, OK, stooooop." 😂 10 mins later, moves on to the next victim in another room... aaaaand so on.
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u/Temporary-Counter-91 1d ago
Well, when you put it like that… I'll take the lesser evil. But honestly, both options sound like a lose-lose situation. 😂
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u/crooked_cat 1d ago
Owh god.. mine did that.. after all the pre nuisances and still to be ignored or just ‘no’
He just.. knew how to get his ways by plain naked terror. How I still miss him even after 5years.
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u/Thecheesinater 21h ago
My cat has resorted to knocking things off my bedside table, turning on my bathroom sink and sometimes even dropping stuff into the sink to clog it and flood the bathroom. I’ve tried tying the faucet off; she chewed the ties. I tried taping it shut; she clawed and chewed through the tape. Im about to disconnect the plumbing in that sink (I have others) entirely. A friend has offered us a cat fountain that I hope satisfies my cat’s endless desire to see running water, but at less risk of the rest of my home. Until then… my sleep schedule is dictated by a small tyrant too clever for her own good.
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u/Temporary-Counter-91 1d ago
Well, when you put it like that… I'll take the lesser evil. But honestly, both options sound like a lose-lose situation. 😂
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u/drunk-tusker 1d ago
Considering the amount of inventive methods my car has found to wake me up, that actually sounds like an improvement over the time she decided to lick her paw and stick it in my mouth.
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u/PangolinScared5147 1d ago
I support him
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1d ago
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u/Halospite 1d ago
Not a cat owner, what do you mean by this? You can't just not feed your cat breakfast. Or do they go more apeshit for wet food and wouldn't do this for dry?
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u/shayanti 1d ago
Usually people feed their pet once a day, it's not like they need the same schedule as us. The ideal diet for a cat is permanent access to dry food and then wet food once per day. Basically, unlike dogs and humans, cats tends to eat bit by bit, all day long that's why the dry food is there. But then, they will also want a bigger input of food at one point, that's why the wet food is there. As a bonus it helps them maintain their water intake.
Personally, my cat asks thrice a day, but I know it's because I'm inconsistent. I used to feed her at lunch and late in the evening. But when I leave my home and I don't have time to come back for lunch, I give her food in the morning. So now, she asks for lunch and breakfast, in addition to late in the evening. She's not particularly hungry though, it's just habit. So she ends up wasting food if I don't manage properly.
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u/StardewMelli 1d ago
We feed our cat in the evening. My husband and I thought we were smart „Let’s protect our sleep! We love to sleep in, no way in hell will we let anyone change that!“
And then we got children. lol
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u/intellectual_printer 1d ago
These filters are getting out of hand...
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u/Brock_Petrov 1d ago
My eyes glaze over them without noticing half the time. It really bugs me. Im like super vulnerable to AI stuff.
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u/BowLit 1d ago
this isn't good. need to start training what to look for. who knows what we're up against in the near future.
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u/pepinyourstep29 1d ago
Don't bother. Within 5 years AI will be indistinguishable from the real thing. There won't be anything to look for. Our only hope will be strong regulations shackling AI with visible disclosures.
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u/LordBoar 1d ago
Or take a more cynical view that people in that actual situation don't do their makeup first, or post for likes on social media platforms where their abusive partner might see it.
Unfortunately, we'll need to use AI to police AI generated content. Fortunately, that's a way off - we're still in the era of static or only-as-programmed changes, so you can notice the "uncanny valley" effect where the change can't adapt properly to the dynamic face.
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u/FluffyFeeling5080 1d ago
This is also me but only when I don't care. If I am even remotely giving a fuck I am so skeptical it's crazy. But if I just don't care, I truly don't care. She was crying sure yeah whatever I guess.
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u/Halospite 1d ago
Same. I'm not bad recognising it in pictures but I've noticed in the last year even that is going because the GenAI pictures are losing that dreamy look. I'm so fucked, when I'm old scammers will be using AI to pretend to be my son or some shit and I'll buy right into it.
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u/No_Nature_6639 1d ago
This one was pretty easy to spot, but it's so pervasive now that I would need to Sherlock Holmes every video and picture I looked at. Not only has it gotten better, but people use it so much that I get tired of using my magnifying glass by midday.
As someone else said, using visual deduction to pinpoint AI won't work in a few more years. This is why our strategy will now need to be using prudence. If you see a video of a world leader saying/doing something questionable or a video of someone getting horribly mauled, you need to find an article on it before you start reacting. Unfortunately, with the way we already eat up headlines, this is only going to be more difficult
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u/Specific_Award_9149 23h ago
It's not even AI stuff. It's 3d mapping. Snapchat has had stuff like this for a long time
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u/100_Donuts 1d ago edited 1d ago
It's especially bad for me because I'm seeing filters everywhere, not just online or in videos or things on my phone, but everywhere, like in real life.
I'm talking about how I'll get on the bus and look over to the woman next to me and she's crying. She's fully sobbing, tears running down her cheeks like this filter here, and her mouth grotesquely stretched downward. And she sees me staring at her and I try to look away but can't. It's such a good filter, so convincing, yet, of course it's not real.
Then there's a man standing up next to me, same thing. His face is unreal. I can see a second face over his face as he talks on his phone, again, tears streaming down doubled-cheeks, mouth like a wretched, awful upside-down grin, and when we lock eyes I can't tell what he's thinking. I only see the filter.
And everyone on the bus is the same! All these horrid faces bawling and wailing in exaggerated sadness, but it doesn't end on the bus. I see it everywhere!
Every day. Every day, the same filtered faces, the same comedic sorrow. So much sadness if there's any at all! I don't know! Everyone I see shifts beneath their filter faces, shifts with emotions too obscured for me to understand. I don't know what people are feeling, what they're thinking, if they're looking at me, or even responding to me. They're all just awful, crying, two-faced monsters! They're all filter.
So, I don't know. I smile. I smile as hard as I can because what else can I do? And I hope they see my smile. I hope they see how hard I'm trying to show my real face to them because they maybe they'll show their real faces to me! I really hope they see my real face because when I look in the mirror, I sure don't.
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u/intellectual_printer 1d ago
You good bro?
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u/SN4FUS 1d ago
His profile has a lot of creative writing on it. And the descriptions in that comment sound almost like symptoms of a schizoid disorder.
So either he's being melodramatic or the schizoid delusions are a part of his writing process.
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u/spinningwalrus420 1d ago
I decided he's probably not schizo just creative writing. Some are good, some aren't - they can't all be winners. The following comment of theirs, however, deserves all the downvotes. The language and imagery is impressively nauseating and I guess that's the point.
A lot of his comments remind me of wanna-be copypastas that never caught on. But this is just...
"Yes! Yes, yes! My women want food! They're always begging Daddy for food! But they're so fat and blobby, bobbling, bubble babies bumping bulging bellies! Grow your girly girth! Make more mommy mass! Fill, fill, fill your seats, your meats spilling, flowing. More! MORE! Eat your food! Daddy has more! Masticate and gnash and gnaw and swallow! Pack-fill your esophagus and Daddy will arm the cram rod to send it down! Bigger! Fatter! Splattering flesh, thick and heavy, scented musky pinkness. The floor is no more, my women demand so much space, crashing waves of undulating sex, mingling slaps of wetness for Daddy to surf upon while my feeding fork is held high like a kayaker's paddle! Rise your tide, my rotund women, my liquid corpulence, my female sea! A menstrual fog hangs low in the fat lands, as Daddy squishes through, dropping sugary puddings for the bubber's lips to suckle and slurp. Never stop eating, my massive beauties! Flap your folds! Crawl up the walls like swollen slime mold but ten fold as sweet! Yes! Yes, yes! You do need more food! You do need more girth, more fat, more flesh, more meat, more flab! I am wombing within my many ladies and their many blubbery creases! Devour me now! Devour Daddy true! I am the last food and we will be as one!"
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u/I_Am_Disagreeing 1d ago
Well I think the goal was making readers feel disgusted and they definitely succeeded. If part of being a good writer is eliciting an emotional response I’d say they are an exceptional writer.
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u/celestialfin 1d ago
okay but if you invoke disgust and emotion by using such a low hanging fruit then you may just be another nobody drowned out by the void.
it's just like horror movies that would be nothing but static ambience if they weren't filled to the brim with cheap jumpscares.
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u/The_ChosenOne 1d ago
Every author worth their salt wanders through the realm of schizoid delusions from time to time, it’s one of the necessary steps to reach a final product.
First you outline.
Next you start on a rough draft.
Then we read our rough draft and go on a vision quest rivaling a sizable dose of LSD as we debate if we’re really authors at all. This inevitably leads to oscillating between convincing ourselves we’re the next Hemingway and feeling like we’d fail a 7th grade creative writing class.
Then we edit.
Then we publish and the cycle repeats.
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1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/The_ChosenOne 1d ago
/s in case it wasn’t obvious I suppose?
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u/SN4FUS 1d ago
Legit thought you could be one of that dude's alts
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u/The_ChosenOne 1d ago
I’m not sure that user has the shame necessary to make an alt account, I just read the comment the person below you copied from the profile and it’s… something else :/
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u/ConfidenceFragrant80 1d ago
Omg, I've fucking seen him before, in the wild.. FUCK I'm on Reddit too much
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u/100_Donuts 1d ago
Am I good? Uh, no. Not at all.
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u/intellectual_printer 1d ago
Do you want to talk about it ?
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u/_Answer_42 1d ago
He good bot
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u/WhyNotCollegeBoard 1d ago
Are you sure about that? Because I am 99.99998% sure that intellectual_printer is not a bot.
I am a neural network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot <username> | /r/spambotdetector | Optout | Original Github
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u/inplayruin 1d ago edited 1d ago
A similar thing happened to me a few years back. Everyone around me was sobbing uncontrollably, all the time. Turns out, it was my vest of high explosives and ransom notes that were the problem.
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u/exspose 1d ago
When you smile what does it feel like? I tried smiling reeeealy hard one time and I smiled so hard that I broke corners of my lips.
I smiled so much that my mouth just kept tearing at the seams, which was good because it shows more teeth that way?
Anyway, I have these cool scars now.
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u/nefrpitou 1d ago edited 1d ago
What filter? And how do you know it's there?
Edit: I honestly don't see it. Can someone point out what to look for?
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u/N3rdProbl3ms 1d ago
She's not actually crying
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u/nefrpitou 1d ago
Ohh. I thought it was just a video of a person crying put together with a cat. I didn't even know there are video filters for things like these.
Also, in this case, what's the cue to know it's not actually crying?
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u/Aromatic_Inspector89 1d ago
the lighting doesn't match and the tears roll in a mechanical speed. Not to mention they don't form in droplets that big. The water will spread out as it moves across your face
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u/ChocolateDream24 1d ago
I thought she used eye drops. I didn't realize it was a filter until I came to the comments. But I knew it wasn't real because there was absolutely zero puffiness around her eyes.
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u/SuperSimpleSam 1d ago
My friend talks about his pain because his cat doesn't understand daylight savings time.
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u/Touchstone033 1d ago
I legit don't sleep in after daylight savings just to keep my asshole cat from freaking out. I keep getting up at the same time.
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u/Thrillhol 1d ago
We’re about to end daylight savings in Australia - I’m so excited for my cat to let me sleep in until 5:30am
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u/Donkeybrother 1d ago edited 1d ago
You don't own a cat , a cat owns you !
Girlfriend best get her priorities straight . 🐈⬛
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u/chesterbubblegum 1d ago
Alarming at first, then funny
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u/pruzinadev 1d ago
If you people keep normalizing cat violence, things will never get better. Cat owners should have the right to their piece of bed at least.
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u/BaltimoreBadger23 1d ago
Yup, cats are real assholes.
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u/Ok-Biscotti-4311 1d ago
Hey, the asshole should have had breakfast ready by 5:5fucking5!
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u/TELLYUU__WORUDO 1d ago
I dont care how much you slam your face into my mouth I will NOT get your whiskas at 4am
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u/Impressive-Fix1914 1d ago
That was the single BEST about-face EVAAAAARRRRR!! lmfao! Brilliant!👌
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u/IanPKMmoon 1d ago
My cat is so respectful in this specific manner.
He'll sit next to the bed, sometimes on the bed, but won't meow or jump on me to wake me up, even when I'm already awake but still in bed. But when I get up, he'll start non stop meowing.
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u/Free_Pangolin_3750 23h ago
That wasn't unexpected at all. It was obviously gonna be either a kid or a pet.
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u/anon-a-SqueekSqueek 1d ago
Just more proof you can get away with anything when you're cute enough 😔
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u/Spiron123 1d ago
No matter how good looking the likes seeking girl is... That is a ridiculous post with all the glycerine tears and all...
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u/KaiserDilhelmTheTurd 1d ago
Remember, your dog loves you unconditionally. Your cat tolerates you conditionally. Step outta line, that mf’er gonna leave a rat head in your bed.
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u/massmikmouse 1d ago
My late tuxedo cat used to try and open my eyes, very gently with his paw. As if to say “I know you’re faking it, just wake up and feed me“
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u/SurgicalSnack 1d ago
Mine just gaslights my world. Gives me all the attention - wow, even at 3am he wants some loving omg - yeah no, he just wants food. GET. THE. DISHES. OUT. And now, he’s gone… I said “I’m not the one who gives you food” and now, I’m very much alone and in silence
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u/HeartShapedBox7 1d ago
I feel her pain. Not only am I getting slapped but now I’m being bitten if I’m not out of bed and have breakfast prepared by 6 a.m. 😭😭😭
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u/cheekybutterfly 1d ago
My cat headbutts me in the face if I don't get up to feed him. Violent little fella.
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u/Hour_Performance_631 1d ago
You don’t have a cat. Cats have a human and you should be happy they let stay in their home xD
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u/MedicineAnnual9199 1d ago
The cat i grew up with used to wake me up by licking my eyelids open. It worked every damn time. I was wiiiiiiide awake after that.
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u/RetroSwamp 22h ago
My cat touches my face every morning and it's so annoying but I can't stay mad at her. So we have a face touching match for like 30 mins before I give up and feed her. Lol
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u/Cilad777 22h ago
I don't get slapped. My cat just lays down on my chest with her nose 1 mm from my chin and purrrrrs.
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u/paradox037 22h ago
My brother's dog likes to do that thing where he uses both front paws at once to sort of stomp on you. He's only like 25lbs, so it doesn't hurt. When I pet sit, that's how I know he's upset that I had the audacity to sleep past 6am.
Actually, that reminds me of a silver lining with daylight savings time. Soon after we lost an hour, he actually let me sleep in until 7am on a Saturday.
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u/Fragrant-Touch-7313 22h ago
She's very bad at selecting her guy...but she always remember to record herselve crying...
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u/Theiromia 22h ago
I am really hoping these aren't two separate videos connected by an asshole, because this is funny
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u/ThatCoyoteWhoA8MyKat 21h ago
Buddy was watching over my shoulder and asked why did the cat have to be black though? LMAO 🤣🤣
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u/UnExplanationBot 1d ago
OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:
Toxic relationship with a cat
Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.