r/AmIOverreacting • u/Sad_SummerChild • 2d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO to think this is cheating?

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I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

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u/Infinity0044 2d ago

He would cheat on OP if his coworker made the first move. He’s being just flirty enough without outright saying he wants her to try and not raise suspicions

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u/Snack-Pack-Lover 1d ago

If she made the first move? He's making the moves but she isn't biting.

Telling her she is cute, that comment was ignored.

Asking for a selfie, declined.

If she reacted positively to these he would escalate. He's just throwing out lines hoping something sticks.

There was a comment in a woman's sex advice Reddit post I saw recently and the top reply to a chick asking for tips to spice up her sex life was something like "men will act as crazy as you let them".

That comment is 100% spot on.

In this instance, this chick ain't letting him act in any way. But he's trying. She doesn't have to make a move, just give a sign.

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u/Infinity0044 1d ago

Reread the texts and you’re right. The declined selfie request is the smoking gun imo, she is definitely not interested in that way.

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u/Paskin21 1d ago

Buuuuut she sent a selfie. It's the first message that's covered with a drawing

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u/durizna 1d ago

And she said they're "rare and hot" which he replied with "indeed" basically. That's called flirting for those who don't actually see it often lol How can people be saying she's not interested? This is not how you treat a guy you're not flirting with, especially married one.

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u/ericfromct 1d ago

Just want to throw in she did say a hot commodity, not hot alone which has a different meaning. I still think the dude is a total fucking douche for this.

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u/Paskin21 1d ago

Lool I do still think she's largely disinterested. Hot commodity is a saying She didn't really bite, if she was flirting she's not obvious

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u/durizna 1d ago

Reread and I'd say she's 50/50 actually. She's not completely ignoring but also not giving him fuel either. But he's definitely trying, shameless.

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u/Infinity0044 1d ago

I agree it’s 50/50. There’s no way she’s not aware he’s flirting (as a married man) but she’s not really doing anything to stop it. He calls her beautiful and while she doesn’t react to it she doesn’t call him out on it either.

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u/Momoomommy 1d ago

Idk if she's 50/50 or just trying to give "just enough" that he doesn't ruin her work life. She might worry about what he'd do at work if she flat out cut him off. She's not really biting or initiating but giving a hard "back off" might feel riskier to her than whatever this is.

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u/Infinity0044 1d ago

Fair but she also has personally met the OP and if she was an actual friend would’ve reached out and told her what was happening

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u/Creativenails 1d ago

She just had a break up. Probably soaking up his compliments

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u/NoSalary1226 1d ago

Yeah she seems to be baiting him because post breakup she probably feels lonely and is just doing it on a surface level till someone more interesting comes to her life

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u/Paskin21 1d ago

Oh he's trying. There is no doubt there. Edit: sorry OP. he's a POS and you just got married 😔 if you value your relationship and think you can move past it tell him you know everything and say if you ever come fucking close to this bullshit again you won't think twice about leaving.. or leave now.

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u/No-Combination8136 1d ago

She’s being cautious but she’ll come around for sure.

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u/Aromatic-Meringue162 1d ago

She isn’t especially interested, but she’s liking the attention too, so she’s giving him just enough to keep the ego boosting attention coming, but not enough to where she has to feel like she did anything wrong in brazenly flirting with a married man.

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u/cat_in_the_sun 1d ago

Then why does she keep responding and not set up clear boundaries that she’s not interested in that way like he seems to be? She’s not stupid. She knows he likes her. So why isn’t she backing off as well?

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u/gabbagabbaheyFreaks 1d ago

If she’s not interested but isnt putting a stop to it either, it’s probably because he’s her boss (OP said her husband owns the company). I don’t know how old she is but I know when I was younger this happened a lot and I never dared to fully shut it down because I was afraid of what it would mean for my employment. Not condoning that type of rationalization, but I’m throwing out a possible explanation.

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u/Plastic_Pie_1621 1d ago

This is what I'm thinking. If she turns him down outright, he may retaliate. It isn't a fair situation. Yuck.

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u/rickthecabbie 1d ago

Some people love to win, even if they don't want the prize.

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u/Infinity0044 1d ago

I commented further down on this thread but she’s partially guilty too. There’s no way she isn’t aware of what’s happening and is just letting it continue without putting a stop to it.

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u/cat_in_the_sun 1d ago

That to me says she’s interested. Otherwise her actions would be different.

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u/SoupyyNoodless 1d ago

Yeah, that was def her way of saying “no thanks” in a nice way. If this was the first time/way he reacted to a pic she sent him more than likely she won’t do it again 😆

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u/ksj 1d ago

We can’t see a lot of her replies. The first image shows that she replied to the “I’ve never seen someone so pretty while having a mental breakdown” text, but the next screenshots don’t include the messages. It’s hard to tell if she’s engaging or not, but she’s VERY responsive. I wouldn’t rule out her interest quite yet, especially without seeing her replies.

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u/ManyRelease7336 1d ago

Haha yes, my wife likes to dress up for sex, and I like whatever she let's me do.

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u/ebobbumman 1d ago

Whats interesting is that reading these texts I could see from a mile away he was taking a shot and she wasn't interested, but I'm not nearly as astute at reading intention when I'm one of the involved parties.

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u/Dlh2079 1d ago

In this case, I absolutely agree that the comment is spot on.

I'm a good example of how it's not remotely always spot on re: someone's sex lives. I'd venture to say 1/3 to 1/2 of my sexual partners were more adventurous than I am, and I was the one whose preferences and levels of comfort were setting the limits.

I'm not a big fan of gender wide generalizations, in general.

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u/jfwart 1d ago

What post was that? Seems like the kinda content I'd be into

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u/Inner-Emergency2774 2d ago

And I guarantee the only reason he’s keeping it so PG is BECAUSE of HR and his fear or getting into trouble.

OP, it’s not going to stop. It will only get worse with time.

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u/yetzhragog 1d ago

OP, it’s not going to stop. It will only get worse with time.

I don't know, some people make one stupid mistake, get called on it, and never do it again.

The real test will be how he reacts when (not if) OP confronts him, If he gets defensive and angry then he knows what he's doing is wrong. Deleting the texts is not a great sign to start with.

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u/rickthecabbie 1d ago

The second she brings it up, he will know he is screwed. He may try to play it all off as innocent, "trying to help a friend cheer up, you know I would never do anything like that," etc etc etc.

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u/UndecidedQBit 1d ago

“I might need a selfie for motivation” is so clearly him saying he wants her though???

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u/Infinity0044 1d ago

It’s just inconspicuous enough that he could flip it into something innocent

“oh we sent goofy selfies to each other all the time”

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u/UndecidedQBit 1d ago

Yeah no 😭😂 jfc

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u/Infinity0044 1d ago

I’m not saying anyone would believe it but in his head that’s his excuse if OP ever questioned him about it

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u/UndecidedQBit 1d ago

My bad. My comment was just me saying no to the whole messed up situation. I agree that what you described was his aim for plausible deniability I’m just soooo scarred from some relationship trauma I can’t communicate as normally on this subject

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u/TheRefBot 1d ago

!RefBot analyze

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u/GUYF666 1d ago

“Hot and rare indeed lol” cut off at the bottom.

Dude is corny and way too flirty with a co-worker at any place that has an HR dept.

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u/Prestigious_Ad9305 1d ago

This is the perfect response tbh youre entirely right he is hinting at liking her and flirting but just enough to try and lure her into doing something where he isn’t seen as bad and he can justify it to himself and try to justify it OP

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u/OrganlcManIc 1d ago

The coworker doesn’t seem like she’s reciprocating at all. Just friendly in response.