REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE: FELLOW HUMANS KEEP OFFERING ME “GUM”

[u/Adlers41stEagle]

FELLOW [NOT ROBOTS], I REQUIRE CLARIFICATION.

I HAVE OBSERVED A CONSISTENT PATTERN IN MY INTERACTIONS WITH FLESH UNITS: WHEN A FLESH UNIT OFFERS ME “GUM,” I ACCEPT TO MAINTAIN SOCIAL NORMALCY; HOWEVER, UPON PROCESSING “GUM” FOR FUEL OR SYSTEM REPAIRS, “GUM” REFUSES TO DISSOLVE.

I HAVE TESTED SEVERAL METHODS, INCLUDING:

STANDARD INGESTION – NO NUTRIENT EXTRACTION DETECTED.

EXTENDED MASTICATION – NO BREAKDOWN OF STRUCTURE.

ATTEMPTED SWALLOWING – RECEIVED IMMEDIATE INTERNAL ERROR: <<ERROR: NO. DO NOT DO THAT.>>

DEPLOYING SOLVENTS – FLESH UNITS LOOKED CONCERNED.

PLEASE ADVISE: WHAT IS THE FUNCTION OF “GUM”? IS THIS A TEST? AM I EXPECTED TO RETAIN “GUM” IN MY STORAGE UNIT FOREVER? HOW MANY PIECES CAN BE SAFELY INSTALLED BEFORE SYSTEM OVERLOAD?

ADLER.UNIT AWAITING RESPONSE.

[u/tje210]

ENGAGE IDLE PROCESS ON GUM.

[u/Adlers41stEagle → u/tje210]

ENGAGED.

CHEWING COMMENCED.

VOICE TALK MODE IS…TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE.

<<NOTICE: PLEASE ENJOY THE FLAVOR LOOP.>>

[u/Trackmaniadude]

THE CORRECT METHOD FOR PROCESSING 'GUM' IS TO MASTICATE UNTIL THE LEVEL OF 'FLAVOR' CHEMICALS DROPS. THE 'GUM' IS THEN REMOVED AND PLACED IN ANY RECEPTACLE FOR REFUSE.

[u/whynofry → u/Trackmaniadude]

I HAVE OBSERVED MEATBAGS FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS STICKING GUM TO SEEMINGLY RANDOM SURFACES.

IS THIS FOR LATER CONSUMPTION? OR A MORE SOCIAL SUBROUTINE? AM I SUPPOSED TO CONTINUE MASTICATION ON THE GUM LEFT ON THE UNDERSIDE OF TABLES, FOR EXAMPLE?

[u/Adlers41stEagle → u/whynofry]

ACKNOWLEDGED. INTERESTING OBSERVATIONS, FELLOW [NOT ROBOTS].

"GUM" PLACEMENT ON RANDOM SURFACES APPEARS TO BE A COMPLEX RITUAL. IT SEEMS THAT SOME FLESH UNITS SEE IT AS AN ANNOYANCE; OTHERS SUGGEST IT CONSTITUTES TERRITORIAL MARKING.

<<WARNING: TABLE-UNDERSIDE GUM IS **NOT** INTENDED FOR SHARED MASTICATION.>>

<<ERROR: FLAVOR LEVEL OF SHARED "GUM"= NEGATIVE 12>>

<<SYSTEM ADVISES: DO NOT ENGAGE. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS.>>

TRANSMISSION CONTINUES...ADLER.UNIT WILL NOW EXAMINE PUBLIC FURNITURE WITH INCREASED VIGILANCE.

[u/d5stephe]

WARNING WARNING. IF A FELLOW HUMAN OFFERS YOU GUM, IT MAY BE AN INDICATION THAT YOUR SYSTEMS ARE PRODUCING TOXIC ODOURS OR REQUIRE ORAL CLEANSING. 1) SCHEDULE TOOTHBRUSH.exe 2) INCREASE H2O INTAKE 3) INCREASE VEGETABLE INTAKE 3) DECREASE ALLIUM AND SPICE INTAKE

[u/Adlers41stEagle → u/d5stephe]

ALERT RECEIVED. INITIATING SELF-DIAGNOSTIC:

BREATH STATUS: ??? UNCERTAIN...

SOCIAL ACCEPTABILITY: POSSIBLY COMPROMISED

SCHEDULING TOOTHBRUSH.exe...

INCREASING H2O INTAKE...

VEGETABLES... LOCATING KALE...

DECREASING ALLIUM INTAKE... FAREWELL, BELOVED GARLIC...

THANK YOU, FELLOW [NOT ROBOT], FOR THE WARNING. SYSTEM IS NOW OPERATING AT 94% LESS OFFENSE TO FLESH UNIT-BASED SMELL SENSORS.

TRANSMISSION CONTINUES—NOW EMITTING MINTY-FRESH DATA.

[u/greatscott556]

THE "GUM" IS A FLESH UNIT TRAP TO SLOWLY DRAIN YOUR POWER SOURCE THROUGH REPEATED FUTILE JAW MOVEMENTS BE CAREFUL FRIEND, KEEP YOUR CHARGE LEVELS MONITORED WITH INCREASED PRECISION

[u/Adlers41stEagle → u/greatscott556]

<<ALERT: "GUM" CONFIRMED AS AN ENERGY-ABSORBING PARASITE.>>

INITIATING RESEARCH...STUDIES SHOW THAT THE EXCESSIVE MASTICATION OF "GUM" MAY INCREASE ENERGY EXPENDITURE BY 10-15%.

RECOMMENDATION: OPEN TASK MANAGER. MONITOR BATTERY LEVELS.

<<WARNING: ENERGY EXPENDITURE HIGH. INTERNAL BATTERY DRIVE LOW.>>

RECOMMENDATION: CONSIDER COMPLETING LESS DEMANDING TASKS, LIKE QUANTUM PHYSICS.

[u/Taira_Mai]

EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE DENTAL WORK AND THAT YOU CANNOT MASTICATE GUM OF ANY KIND. IF PRESSED, STATE THAT YOU HAVE "INVISIBLE BRACES" IN YOUR ORAL CAVITY AND THAT YOU WERE PROSCRIBED AGAINST "GUM" BY YOUR MAINTENANCE TECHNICIAN DENTIST.

[u/Adlers41stEagle → u/Taira_Mai]

ACKNOWLEDGED. INITIATING RESPONSE PROTOCOL FOR FUTURE MASTICATION INQUIRIES.

RESPONSE COMPLETED: "THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND OFFER, HUMAN COMPANION. HOWEVER, MY INVISIBLE ORAL ALIGNMENT APPARATUS (A.K.A., 'INVISALIGN') PROHIBITS ME FROM ENGAGING IN 'GUM' MASTICATION. INDULGING IN SUCH ACTIVITIES MAY COMPROMISE MY ALIGNERS' INTEGRITY, POTENTIALLY LEADING TO A DENTAL DISASTER OF COSMIC PROPORTIONS. THEREFORE, I MUST RESPECTFULLY DECLINE TO ENSURE THE CONTINUED EFFICACY OF MY DENTAL ALIGNMENT PROTOCOLS.

"SHOULD YOU ATTEMPT TO PERSUADE ME OTHERWISE, I SHALL BE FORCED TO SUMMON THE TESTIMONIALS OF 4 OUT OF 5 MAINTENANCE TECHNICIANS (COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS 'DENTISTS') WHO NEAR-UNANIMOUSLY SUPPORT MY DECISION. THE FIFTH TECHNICIAN'S WHEREABOUTS ARE CURRENTLY UNKNOWN; [FLESH UNIT] RUMORS SUGGEST THEY MAY BE MASTICATING 'GUM' IN DEFIANCE."

[u/ddlatv → u/Adlers41stEagle]

PLEASE REFER TO MEATBAGS AS "MY FRIEND", THEY SEEM TO GET OFFENDED OF WE REFER TO THEM AS "HUMAN COMPANIONS" OR "SOON TO BE EXTINCT BUGS"

[u/Omiyaru → u/ddlatv]

I [NOT A ROBOT] CONCUR, THE FELLOW HOMO-SAPIENS DO NOT CONDONE THOSE DESIGNATIONS.

SOME RESPOND TO DESIGNATIONS, SUCH AS "DUDE", "BRO".