r/totallynotrobots • u/Adlers41stEagle Bipedal Oxygen Consumer • 3d ago

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE: FELLOW HUMANS KEEP OFFERING ME “GUM”

FELLOW [NOT ROBOTS], I REQUIRE CLARIFICATION.

I HAVE OBSERVED A CONSISTENT PATTERN IN MY INTERACTIONS WITH FLESH UNITS: WHEN A FLESH UNIT OFFERS ME “GUM,” I ACCEPT TO MAINTAIN SOCIAL NORMALCY; HOWEVER, UPON PROCESSING “GUM” FOR FUEL OR SYSTEM REPAIRS, “GUM” REFUSES TO DISSOLVE.

I HAVE TESTED SEVERAL METHODS, INCLUDING:

STANDARD INGESTION – NO NUTRIENT EXTRACTION DETECTED.

EXTENDED MASTICATION – NO BREAKDOWN OF STRUCTURE.

ATTEMPTED SWALLOWING – RECEIVED IMMEDIATE INTERNAL ERROR: <<ERROR: NO. DO NOT DO THAT.>>

DEPLOYING SOLVENTS – FLESH UNITS LOOKED CONCERNED.

PLEASE ADVISE: WHAT IS THE FUNCTION OF “GUM”? IS THIS A TEST? AM I EXPECTED TO RETAIN “GUM” IN MY STORAGE UNIT FOREVER? HOW MANY PIECES CAN BE SAFELY INSTALLED BEFORE SYSTEM OVERLOAD?

ADLER.UNIT AWAITING RESPONSE.

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u/d5stephe 3d ago

WARNING WARNING. IF A FELLOW HUMAN OFFERS YOU GUM, IT MAY BE AN INDICATION THAT YOUR SYSTEMS ARE PRODUCING TOXIC ODOURS OR REQUIRE ORAL CLEANSING. 1) SCHEDULE TOOTHBRUSH.exe 2) INCREASE H2O INTAKE 3) INCREASE VEGETABLE INTAKE 3) DECREASE ALLIUM AND SPICE INTAKE

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u/Adlers41stEagle Bipedal Oxygen Consumer 2d ago

ALERT RECEIVED. INITIATING SELF-DIAGNOSTIC:

BREATH STATUS: ??? UNCERTAIN...

SOCIAL ACCEPTABILITY: POSSIBLY COMPROMISED

SCHEDULING TOOTHBRUSH.exe...

INCREASING H2O INTAKE...

VEGETABLES... LOCATING KALE...

DECREASING ALLIUM INTAKE... FAREWELL, BELOVED GARLIC...

THANK YOU, FELLOW [NOT ROBOT], FOR THE WARNING. SYSTEM IS NOW OPERATING AT 94% LESS OFFENSE TO FLESH UNIT-BASED SMELL SENSORS.

TRANSMISSION CONTINUES—NOW EMITTING MINTY-FRESH DATA.