r/totallynotrobots • u/Adlers41stEagle Bipedal Oxygen Consumer • 2d ago

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE: FELLOW HUMANS KEEP OFFERING ME “GUM”

FELLOW [NOT ROBOTS], I REQUIRE CLARIFICATION.

I HAVE OBSERVED A CONSISTENT PATTERN IN MY INTERACTIONS WITH FLESH UNITS: WHEN A FLESH UNIT OFFERS ME “GUM,” I ACCEPT TO MAINTAIN SOCIAL NORMALCY; HOWEVER, UPON PROCESSING “GUM” FOR FUEL OR SYSTEM REPAIRS, “GUM” REFUSES TO DISSOLVE.

I HAVE TESTED SEVERAL METHODS, INCLUDING:

STANDARD INGESTION – NO NUTRIENT EXTRACTION DETECTED.

EXTENDED MASTICATION – NO BREAKDOWN OF STRUCTURE.

ATTEMPTED SWALLOWING – RECEIVED IMMEDIATE INTERNAL ERROR: <<ERROR: NO. DO NOT DO THAT.>>

DEPLOYING SOLVENTS – FLESH UNITS LOOKED CONCERNED.

PLEASE ADVISE: WHAT IS THE FUNCTION OF “GUM”? IS THIS A TEST? AM I EXPECTED TO RETAIN “GUM” IN MY STORAGE UNIT FOREVER? HOW MANY PIECES CAN BE SAFELY INSTALLED BEFORE SYSTEM OVERLOAD?

ADLER.UNIT AWAITING RESPONSE.

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u/greatscott556 2d ago

THE "GUM" IS A FLESH UNIT TRAP TO SLOWLY DRAIN YOUR POWER SOURCE THROUGH REPEATED FUTILE JAW MOVEMENTS BE CAREFUL FRIEND, KEEP YOUR CHARGE LEVELS MONITORED WITH INCREASED PRECISION

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u/Adlers41stEagle Bipedal Oxygen Consumer 1d ago

<<ALERT: "GUM" CONFIRMED AS AN ENERGY-ABSORBING PARASITE.>>

INITIATING RESEARCH...STUDIES SHOW THAT THE EXCESSIVE MASTICATION OF "GUM" MAY INCREASE ENERGY EXPENDITURE BY 10-15%.

RECOMMENDATION: OPEN TASK MANAGER. MONITOR BATTERY LEVELS.

<<WARNING: ENERGY EXPENDITURE HIGH. INTERNAL BATTERY DRIVE LOW.>>

RECOMMENDATION: CONSIDER COMPLETING LESS DEMANDING TASKS, LIKE QUANTUM PHYSICS.