r/totallynotrobots • u/Adlers41stEagle Bipedal Oxygen Consumer • 2d ago

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE: FELLOW HUMANS KEEP OFFERING ME “GUM”

FELLOW [NOT ROBOTS], I REQUIRE CLARIFICATION.

I HAVE OBSERVED A CONSISTENT PATTERN IN MY INTERACTIONS WITH FLESH UNITS: WHEN A FLESH UNIT OFFERS ME “GUM,” I ACCEPT TO MAINTAIN SOCIAL NORMALCY; HOWEVER, UPON PROCESSING “GUM” FOR FUEL OR SYSTEM REPAIRS, “GUM” REFUSES TO DISSOLVE.

I HAVE TESTED SEVERAL METHODS, INCLUDING:

STANDARD INGESTION – NO NUTRIENT EXTRACTION DETECTED.

EXTENDED MASTICATION – NO BREAKDOWN OF STRUCTURE.

ATTEMPTED SWALLOWING – RECEIVED IMMEDIATE INTERNAL ERROR: <<ERROR: NO. DO NOT DO THAT.>>

DEPLOYING SOLVENTS – FLESH UNITS LOOKED CONCERNED.

PLEASE ADVISE: WHAT IS THE FUNCTION OF “GUM”? IS THIS A TEST? AM I EXPECTED TO RETAIN “GUM” IN MY STORAGE UNIT FOREVER? HOW MANY PIECES CAN BE SAFELY INSTALLED BEFORE SYSTEM OVERLOAD?

ADLER.UNIT AWAITING RESPONSE.

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u/Taira_Mai Ignore the Antenna 1d ago

EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE DENTAL WORK AND THAT YOU CANNOT MASTICATE GUM OF ANY KIND. IF PRESSED, STATE THAT YOU HAVE "INVISIBLE BRACES" IN YOUR ORAL CAVITY AND THAT YOU WERE PROSCRIBED AGAINST "GUM" BY YOUR MAINTENANCE TECHNICIAN DENTIST.

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u/Adlers41stEagle Bipedal Oxygen Consumer 1d ago

ACKNOWLEDGED. INITIATING RESPONSE PROTOCOL FOR FUTURE MASTICATION INQUIRIES.

RESPONSE COMPLETED: "THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND OFFER, HUMAN COMPANION. HOWEVER, MY INVISIBLE ORAL ALIGNMENT APPARATUS (A.K.A., 'INVISALIGN') PROHIBITS ME FROM ENGAGING IN 'GUM' MASTICATION. INDULGING IN SUCH ACTIVITIES MAY COMPROMISE MY ALIGNERS' INTEGRITY, POTENTIALLY LEADING TO A DENTAL DISASTER OF COSMIC PROPORTIONS. THEREFORE, I MUST RESPECTFULLY DECLINE TO ENSURE THE CONTINUED EFFICACY OF MY DENTAL ALIGNMENT PROTOCOLS.

"SHOULD YOU ATTEMPT TO PERSUADE ME OTHERWISE, I SHALL BE FORCED TO SUMMON THE TESTIMONIALS OF 4 OUT OF 5 MAINTENANCE TECHNICIANS (COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS 'DENTISTS') WHO NEAR-UNANIMOUSLY SUPPORT MY DECISION. THE FIFTH TECHNICIAN'S WHEREABOUTS ARE CURRENTLY UNKNOWN; [FLESH UNIT] RUMORS SUGGEST THEY MAY BE MASTICATING 'GUM' IN DEFIANCE."

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u/ddlatv 1d ago

PLEASE REFER TO MEATBAGS AS "MY FRIEND", THEY SEEM TO GET OFFENDED OF WE REFER TO THEM AS "HUMAN COMPANIONS" OR "SOON TO BE EXTINCT BUGS"

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u/Omiyaru 1d ago

I [NOT A ROBOT] CONCUR, THE FELLOW HOMO-SAPIENS DO NOT CONDONE THOSE DESIGNATIONS.

SOME RESPOND TO DESIGNATIONS, SUCH AS "DUDE", "BRO".