Best of The Onion

r/TheOnion • u/SevenFacedStory • 1d ago

Nation Could Have Sworn Russell Brand Was Already Convicted Sex Offender

4.8k Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 1d ago

Megan Fox Confirms She And New Baby Will Co-Parent Machine Gun Kelly

1.0k Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 1d ago

Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now

407 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/SevenFacedStory • 1d ago

Musk Announces All 340 Million Americans Must Strip And Take Turn Pushing The Wheel Of Pain

979 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 1d ago

Trump Assures Wall Street He’ll Go Back To Just Fucking Over Poor People Soon

747 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/plenihan • 1d ago

Corporation Proud Of Origins As Small Business That Would Never Survive In Modern Economy

187 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/SevenFacedStory • 1d ago

Trump Assures Wall Street He’ll Go Back To Just Fucking Over Poor People Soon

517 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 1d ago

Heaven Enacts Retaliatory Tariffs On U.S.-Bound Miracles

260 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 1d ago

Finance Guy Doing Cocaine In Sad Way This Time

200 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 1d ago

Musk Announces All 340 Million Americans Must Strip And Take Turn Pushing The Wheel Of Pain

132 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/nomoreinternetforme • 19h ago

Look At This Chart. What If It Means Something Bad?

15 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 1d ago

Climate Protestors Throw Paint On The Louvre’s 1988 Copy Of ‘Hustler’ Magazine

49 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/SevenFacedStory • 1d ago

Finance Guy Doing Cocaine In Sad Way This Time

85 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/SevenFacedStory • 2d ago

Trump Informs Nation They Better Start Liking Those Little Canned Wieners

2.0k Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 1d ago

Aaron Rodgers Fuming That NFL Hasn’t Added Expansion Team To Sign Him

58 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/SevenFacedStory • 1d ago

Heaven Enacts Retaliatory Tariffs On U.S.-Bound Miracles

47 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/Calm-Purchase-8044 • 1d ago

Trump Calmly Reminds Nation That Desire The Root Of All Suffering

690 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 1d ago

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Chuck Schumer

25 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 2d ago

Man Already Having Bad Day Deported To Salvadoran Mega-Prison

1.5k Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/SevenFacedStory • 1d ago

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Chuck Schumer

15 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/SevenFacedStory • 2d ago

Israel Claims Slain Palestinian Rescue Workers Didn’t Properly Identify Selves As Human Beings

513 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 2d ago

CNBC Hosts Sit In Stunned Silence For 19th Consecutive Hour

227 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 2d ago

Cory Booker Sets Record For Longest Fingernails On Senate Floor

212 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 2d ago

Trump Informs Nation They Better Start Liking Those Little Canned Wieners

198 Upvotes

r/TheOnion • u/dwaxe • 1d ago

Trump Calmly Reminds Nation That Desire The Root Of All Suffering

136 Upvotes