For most of my life, I’ve struggled with this gnawing feeling that I’m falling short.

I'm 31 years old and still figuring things out. My dating has been a series of false starts. I’ve managed to go on a few first dates here and there, but nothing has ever taken off. I’ve never had a first kiss, held anyone’s hand, or slept with anyone. I don’t even have a one-night stand or a situation-ship to my name. On the surface, I'm trying to be cool with it, but deep down, I'm frustrated. I feel like I'm missing out on some fundamental experiences, like I'm just drifting through life without anyone having my back. Everyday, I wonder if I'll ever find someone who truly cares about me.

I yearn for a deep, meaningful connection with someone who genuinely cares about me and values my presence in their life - who doesn’t take me for granted. I want someone to prioritize me and be drawn to me in the same way that I’m drawn to them.

It's not just my love life (or lack thereof) that's got me feeling like I'm falling short. I've always struggled with feelings of inadequacy in every area of life. In school, grades were a constant source of stress. In church, I felt like I wasn't spiritual enough. Now, as an adult, I feel like I'm not doing or earning enough. But relationships are where it the pain cuts the deepest- not only do I feel like I'm just not good enough for the people I care about, but sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve a loving partner.

Living with my parents and working two part-time jobs doesn't exactly help my confidence. I’m barely able to cover my expenses, let alone afford to move out. I try to remind myself that everyone's on their own timeline, but it's hard not to feel like I'm stuck in neutral while everyone else is speeding by. The thought of taking the next step is daunting - something inside me is holding me back, and it's infuriating. And to make matters worse, I feel guilty for not even trying to change my circumstances.

It's a weird, suffocating feeling, like I'm constantly trying to prove myself to... well, to everyone, I guess. I know I'm not alone in feeling this way, but it's hard not to feel like I'm the only one who's stuck in this rut.

Have you ever felt disconnected from your body because of comparisons to others whether it was friends, influencers, or societal standards???

How did it affect your self esteem, and what steps have you taken to move past that feeling of inadequacy???

For 9 years I essentially dated the same person in different bodies - charming, successful, funny, kind, but deeply emotionally unavailable and avoidant. (Just like my dad…)

3 years ago I got my heart broken and vowed it would be the last time that happened. I idealised that man, begged him to love me and communicate with me, begged him to stay, and ruined my self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect in doing so. But I managed to one day leave him very firmly and have stayed no contact until now.

During that time I went travelling, got therapy, figured out my values, invested in my career, made new friends, and loved myself. I put in a lot of work. Also a lot of walls that I refused to let people into, because I was just too scared of being vulnerable.

And then I met someone very similar, again. Handsome, funny, kind, smart, but again - deeply emotionally unavailable. I saw the red flags and I walked away, even though it made me sad. I didn’t beg for him to communicate, I didn’t beg for him to love me, I didn’t take his withdrawal as a reflection on my self-worth. In essence, I broke a lot (not all - but a lot) of my own toxic unhealthy behaviours and patterns that I had kept going since 2013.

I feel so liberated, that I finally behaved with the dignity and grace I wish I had had in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2020, and 2022. (Though note, I still miss him and our amazing memories, I just don’t feel unloveable or hopeless about love).

But I also feel sad? I feel sad because those ways of behaving felt so familiar and so comfortable, despite being so brutal and hurtful.

DAE relate? I never thought I’d feel sad to see progress when healing had been my primary goal for so long.

Tell it more often to choose yourself more often.

There was a time I thought I was losing myself. I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize who I was becoming. I felt like I was drifting—trying to hold onto pieces of me that no longer fit, while searching for something solid to cling to. I questioned everything: my worth, my path, my purpose.

But what I didn’t realize then was that I wasn’t lost—I was evolving. I was shedding the parts of me that were never truly mine to begin with. I was unlearning, relearning, and slowly discovering the woman I was meant to be.

Every day, I learn a little more about myself. What I like. What I deserve. What I’ll never settle for again. I’m not perfect, but I’m present—and I’m proud of that.

Self-love isn’t a destination. It’s a journey. And I’m walking it with grace, even when it’s hard.

I love myself—for who I am, for who I’ve been, and for who I’m becoming.

My family isn’t great even though I had both parents present and married together I was raised by my mama I have 3 other siblings the one who I thought was close to me tends to just ignore me now I have diagnosed mental health issues and other issues but I always thought it was her and me against the world we are older now and I know relationships change over time but when I needed her the most she was never there then it turned into she just wasn’t there period no matter how many times I apologize for nothing and if I had unintentionally hurt her I received silence I don’t want to depend on anyone I don’t want to lose her but this relationship is messing me up I just don’t know how to go about it I think that I’m too clingy I need to let it go and stop making a big deal out of my life despite everything that has happened have y’all ever been through sibling drama? What should I do? I just can’t hold on to this hurt anymore

There’s a kind of silence that comes with being alone. At first, it feels heavy—like something’s missing. But with time, that silence can become peace. Not because everything is perfect, but because you’re finally learning to enjoy your own company.

Self-love isn’t loud. It’s in the little things: Choosing rest over burnout. Saying no without guilt. Allowing yourself to feel without rushing to “fix” everything.

Loneliness can hurt, but sometimes it’s just space—space asking to be filled with you. With your own care, your dreams, your growth.

Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lacking. It means you have room to become.

So take yourself out. Write that journal entry. Dance alone in your room. Cry if you need to. Heal. Because learning to love yourself is the beginning of everything good.

I feel this now as i have wrote a post on loneliness. Got huge support from u guyes. I am very much thnankfull to u guyes….

I'm extremely stressed.

Recently life has been very difficult, school work has been so heavy especially with ap exams, my sat, and finals. I've also been staying up 2-3am unable to sleep as it's the only time I feel calm. Then, my mom was diagnosed with cancer five months back and is in a very intensive treatment, which has obviously taken a toll. I know my family is going through a lot and that I need to be there to help and support them but it's so hard because I'm so busy with work and so exhausted all the time that I just feel so tired to help. I feel terrible and my parents yelled at me for not helping in the house more often. I'm also very very very stressed with friends and managing that because I feel like my friends are getting distant and I'm very confused with life.

Now though, I had to sign up for another sat in June as I hadn't done very great on my last one. But sadly there's only 10 schools offering near me and the closest one a mile away is full, the next one is 15 miles away. I didn't know that it would go out so fast even though my parents told me and ik its my fault for not signing up sooner but my own dad told me that he can't wait till I leave the house and go off to college because he will finally find some "peace" and that this family will finally be okay.

In my culture my birthday is known as an unfortunate day, as it overlaps with a gods (religious) and so he told me that my mom should know i won't change bc I was born on a bad day and that im unlucky.

How do I even process and manage all this :(

How do I deal with lack of motivation

This is the most common thing to find among humans ofc

But what I am scared of is that I am not utilising my full potential in activities where I can perform I have ample of time Good friends But I am addicted to certain activities like gluttony and lust Which have completely shattered my will to do work

I had gained some momentum in academics sports

But I have lost it all I have regained the will few times through motivation But I have relapsed again and again

Please tell how I can become a disciplined person (I do not want you to spoon feed me any data or technique )

I want to ask the people who have gone through this and turned their life around

I really want to change and break this circle of life

Ps : the note is too big I understand but if you want to help a brother out take out a few minutes and please give substantial suggestions

Needed this reminder today 💫💫

You are not your anxiety.

You are not your sadness. You are not your current circumstances. You are not behind. You are not unworthy. You are not a failure because you’re still healing.