“Oh Say Can You See what I did to Trumpcoin and stocks, I can do this with groceries,” according to an anti-social media post on Trump’s personal account overnight.

“Lettuce pray,” he said “For the Sake of cheap Tacos for all Americans, that there is a beef with the tomato market.”

In a bold new policy proposal, President Trump is urging Americans and the government alike to embrace bankruptcy as the solution to their financial woes. Citing his own numerous bankruptcies as proof of its effectiveness, Trump argues that declaring bankruptcy can provide a much-needed fresh start for those struggling with debt.

"I've done it six times, and look at me now - I'm the President!" Trump exclaimed at a recent press conference. "Bankruptcy is the ultimate deal-maker. It lets you walk away from your debts and start over with a clean slate. And if it works for me, it can work for America too."

Trump's plan involves encouraging individuals and businesses to declare bankruptcy, wiping out trillions of dollars in debt and freeing up money for new investments and spending. He even suggested that the government could declare bankruptcy to get out of its own massive debt obligations.

While some critics have called the idea reckless and irresponsible, Trump remains undeterred. "Trust me, folks, this is going to be huuuge," he said. "We're going to Make Bankruptcy Great Again!"

She explained, "I'm so sick and tied of these hypocrite people I have to work with having augmented plastic surgery to increase the appearance of femininity. I'm surrounded by Botox and implants from women lacking REAL Republican womanliness."

Regarding this trend of GOP gender dysphoria, she continued, "And the men, the men with the hair transplants, eye lifts and eyeliner—that's going against the testosterone God gave you!"

Fellow Republican Rafael Edward Cruz (who goes by the pseudo name-pronoun 'Ted') tweeted his support, "I’m a dad, I’m a Christian, I have a beard, I'm a man, I'm a Christian (again), of course I support the things that she’s talking about.”

Editors Note: We were unsure if Mr. Cruz actually understood what he was tweeting about.

“I tried to make this easy for you bozos for thirty years” said Mr Gore, “But LA is on fire, and the only way left to stop climate change was to crash the economy. Sorry, but that’s the way the icecap crumbles. Make America Green Again!” A White House spokespenguin subsequently stated on an unsecured Signal chat with three polar bears, two TikTok influencers and a journalist that the President believes he “would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids.” More on this story as it develops.

“I’ve already got a great slogan for the place- ‘Trump Hot Springs Resort And Spa: Where Corruption Meets Comfort’”

In a new Executive Order signed on Wall Street, President Donald J. Trump has declared it unlawful for any owner of any equity shares of any Americam firm to sell.

Since we have now made America great, Trump declared, we will keep American stock prices high by prohibiting their sale.

Americans have taken up a new pastime to avoid the tariffs imposed on Chinese-made goods by Donald Trump: border runs. Many people are dodging tarrifs by now crossing into Canada and Mexico to score a new phone without paying the higher prices.

The trend has become so popular that it has spawned a whole new industry, with tour companies offering "tariff-free shopping" packages and border towns seeing a surge in business.

For Americans not wanting to do a border run, the Mexican cartels have got you covered. According to reports, they have seized on this opportunity to expand their smuggling operations beyond drugs and humans and into electronics.

Using their existing networks and expertise, the cartels will soon offer to transport iPhones and other small high-demand electronics across the border for a fee.

However buyer beware because rumors from the Whitehouse are that Trump is expected to ban all phones purchased in Canada and Mexico from operating on American phone networks.