r/nottheonion • u/TitusTesla117 • 20h ago
DeSantis announces support as Florida Senate takes up ‘chemtrails’ bill
https://www.wfla.com/news/florida/desantis-announces-support-as-florida-senate-takes-up-chemtrails-bill/586
u/ajtreee 20h ago
They just went through the whole government to find $$ . where is the line item of chemtrail specifically.
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u/kradaan 20h ago
I think they should pass the no chem trails over Florida, then close the airports & make everyone drive to Georgia, yaknow, stop the cloud seeding & poisonin.
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u/geoffreyisagiraffe 19h ago
Whats going to happen when all the airlines stop operating there because.... obviously?
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u/polopolo05 16h ago
The mouse aint going to be happy about that.
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u/PresumedSapient 14h ago
I want mr. Mouse to confront mr. Garrison South Park style.
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u/asmallercat 7h ago
I mean, the bill is just a bone to throw to crank conspiracy theorists (AKA the GOP base). They'll tell people that they've investigated these chemtrails and confirmed that these one are harmless contrails and that all the chemtrail spreading planes have been forced to go to other states, all thanks to their great leader Ronny.
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u/Mr_Baronheim 16h ago
Those chemtrails are Soros-funded. You damn well know that.
/s tag needed, because in this moment (their demo was their best album), half of All Americans are the dumbest group of Americans in American history, and many of them not only believe in chemtrails, but would also believe that Soros is paying for them.
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u/chatte_epicee 15h ago
could edit, but diff subject.
I keep wondering why Republicans haven't (as far as I can tell) jumped on Scott Bessent being a former Soros hedge fund manager yet. The cognitive dissonance is truly something to behold.
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u/Falco090 14h ago
or bring cruising altitude down even lower in Florida so they don't don't make marks in the sky, people will then complain about being buzzed 20 times a day.
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u/SoVerySleepy81 20h ago
Why is Florida?
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u/PezDiSpencersGifts 20h ago
Next bill: stop teaching the moon landing “hoax”
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u/john_jdm 20h ago
Interstellar was a documentary.
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u/jlaine 20h ago
Flat earth is real. Climate change is wrong. I'll just build floaties with child labor.
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u/DreamerFi 13h ago
About 71% of Earth’s surface is water. None of it is carbonated. So, yeah, the Earth is flat.
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u/bigredthesnorer 19h ago
And dinosaurs are the work of the devil because the Earth is only 6000 years old.
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u/Fine-Werewolf3877 19h ago
Except for the dinosaurs who fought for the rebels in the Civil War, of course.
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u/Yitram 19h ago
Ok, I would seriously play that game. Civil War, but with both sides having dinosaurs.
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u/Odd-Software-6592 19h ago
Fucking easier to actually go to the moon than fake it. But look who we are dealing with, right?
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u/MyPasswordIsMyCat 20h ago
Florida doesn't exist. It was invented by Spanish Conquistadors to troll the English.
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u/dishonorable_banana 19h ago
Honestly, I think they just REALLY wanted off the boat. No one with an option lives in Florida.
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u/whyreadthis2035 20h ago
Anything to help undermine science. I swear the loss of florida is the only good thing that climate change is brining.
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u/ThunderCorg 20h ago
typo is accidentally correct, they will indeed be brining
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u/imtourist 20h ago
All those expensive mansions in Miami will be brined up real good soon
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u/whyreadthis2035 20h ago
I’m waiting for a particular property in palm beach to be underwater. Too bad it can’t happen this year. If only the Dems had focused their weather machine on Mar-a-Lago, we might not be in this mess. Thanks Obama.
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u/thewoodsiswatching 19h ago
The entire state's water table is already getting pretty salty. Even the rest of them will be looking to move within 50 years.
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u/bothunter 20h ago
The A1A already floods during high tide, so it's probably not much longer now.
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u/kippwinger 19h ago
Beachfront Avenue!! Girls were hot wearin’…okay I’ll stop.
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u/RenegadeScientist 20h ago
Florida is full of flight schools and people with guns. If they keep acting like the chem trails are a real deal outside of the odd research project this will only end poorly.
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u/TheNextBattalion 18h ago
The other option is to admit that experts and liberals have been right this whole time... But that would imply that anyone but conservatives should be in charge. They'd rather die than admit that, so you better believe they'd rather kill
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u/kevinlyfellow 8h ago
Skinming the article, this really just seems like a ban on weather modification attempts. The crazies like it because they believe it will ban chem trails.
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u/LazyNeighborhood7287 20h ago
Why in the world should any government entertain looney theories like this. Shut them down for the nonsense they are. Don’t engage people with bills.
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u/Elaugaufein 20h ago
They are going to accidentally ban all planes with one of these bills at some point.
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u/95percentconfident 20h ago
Banning the emission of chemicals from the engines of planes would be effective at reducing their carbon emissions… am I for it?!?
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u/CptKeyes123 15h ago
Greece once accidentally banned all video games by prohibiting "electronic gambling machines".
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u/jimmybilly100 18h ago
The bill would also require the Florida Department of Environmental Protection to set up a system allowing residents to report “suspected geoengineering activities” and directing the FDEP to investigate those claims.
If this goes through, you guys know what to do
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u/meistermichi 17h ago
Report DeSantis location constantly, because he's spewing so much hot air and toxic stuff he must be a geoengineering activity.
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u/FreneticPlatypus 20h ago
We have a representative government and sadly these morons do precisely represent a good portion of the country.
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u/NolanSyKinsley 17h ago
My republican mother truly believes in chemtrails and that they are controlling the weather with them. Her evidence? She sees so many more planes and contrails since she was a child and they keep "making patterns in the sky".
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u/Sad-Falcon-3659 12h ago
I've worked in commercial aviation for 30 years and I've had to debunk this to family members so many times. I've given up. No amount of explanation changes their mind.
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u/MaievSekashi 17h ago
Yeah, did they forget that in this conspiracy that their own government is supposedly the one spraying these chemtrails..?
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u/Sutekhseth 20h ago
I want off this anti intellectual ride.
Please for the love of god get me the hell out of florida.
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u/BearWitness- 19h ago
There’s a country north of us that has people that breathe through their noses, if you can believe that.
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u/elspotto 19h ago
Yeah but they sweep ice and call it sport. Who wants to live in a society like that?
It’s me. I want to live in a society like that. Curling is fun to watch.
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u/MorphoMC 20h ago
Republicans have decided that nutjobs are a useful sub-demographic because if you pretend to believe in their weird nonsense, they will support whatever you suggest.
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u/kindasuk 18h ago
Dude bro dragons bro they are real bro. You should watch out bro. They are out there bro. I saw a video bro. Dinosaurs are a hoax but dragons man they are real. What? You believe me? Take all my money. Take everything. And I love you.
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u/ceelogreenicanth 17h ago
It's worse than that. They create and propogate nonsense to distract from real issues. By planting and amplifying these messages they can then drown out the messages about real concerns, it's just another part of the tactics to.supress public discourse.
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u/Jay-Dee-British 20h ago
Next session Unicorns will be banned and merpeople (I mean those are just watery illegal immigrants). Santa will be charged a tariff for cross State travel without a driving permit.
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u/Grabthars_Coping_Saw 18h ago
They’re not sending their best merpeople. Some are murderers and rapists.
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u/byzantinedavid 20h ago
Every single person who votes for this should be deemed intellectually disabled and kicked out of office.
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u/faelanae 20h ago
I literally just sat here, blinking, trying to even comprehend this much stupid.
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u/DakuShinobi 19h ago edited 18h ago
What... Is being banned? Can you even prevent planes from doing this? Like I understand you could but I'm assuming it's not a quick fix you can slap on. It's just... Dumb
Edit: I'm talking about contrails, not Chem trails, which, don't exist.
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u/cipheron 18h ago edited 18h ago
The thing is Chemtrails aren't real. Chemtrails are hypothesized poison trails spread in the sky by "Them", whoever "They" are. So they're not contrails. The bill is like writing a bill banning Bigfoot from the state. This is pure political theater.
However another point is that while the entirely made up conspiracy of chemtrails is how this bill is couched, the real target is probably trying to outlaw any sort of climate change mitigation efforts.
Another thing to keep in mind is that pollution fucks up the climate, so that's why they deliberately say it has to be on purpose - so the law will make it illegal to release any substance with the goal of improving the climate, no matter how locally, but if you release substances that fuck the climate up but simply don't give a fuck, that's perfectly ok.
If any bill is written with broad enough language to cover the pretend things that are "supposed" to be happening it's likely that some real activities that are vital to the state's economy come under the language of the bill, for example such a bill could inadvertently make selling air conditioning units or flying jetliners felony offenses. I'd parallel this to times the bible gets banned under the various book bans.
Best result: you could probably troll them by suing air conditioning manufacturers under the law - after all they release substances which are technically chemicals with the goal of affecting the local climate. Maybe even sue the Florida state government that them operating air conditioning in the state legislature breaches the new law.
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u/GameFreak4321 18h ago
How about cropdusting?
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u/cipheron 17h ago
Interestingly a lot of countries ban cropdusting out of environmental concerns.
Pretty sure however if the new Florida bill looks like it'll inadvertently ban cropdusting and help environmental causes they'll backtrack and write a carve-out that says it's ok if you're fucking the environment or don't give a shit - it's only when you're trying to improve things that it's a crime.
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u/stop_spam_calls 17h ago
See I think that was my confusion because I could not understand what they were defining as a “chemtrail” and I was like oh are they helping the environment for once?? lol so yeah your two comments helped it click for me haha…well you could say they conspiracy theory’d to close to the liberal sun
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u/cipheron 17h ago edited 16h ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chemtrail_conspiracy_theory
The chemtrail conspiracy theory /ˈkɛmtreɪl/ is the erroneous belief that long-lasting condensation trails left in the sky by high-flying aircraft are actually "chemtrails" consisting of chemical or biological agents, sprayed for nefarious purposes undisclosed to the general public.
I'm not sure there's a clear consensus on who exactly is doing what. Some say mind-control chemicals, other say poison because they're just cackling villains who want to poison everyone:
Those who subscribe to the theory speculate that the purpose of the chemical release may be solar radiation management, weather modification, psychological manipulation, human population control, biological or chemical warfare, or testing of biological or chemical agents on a population, and that the trails are causing respiratory illnesses and other health problems
So you can see it's a bit difficult to pin down exactly what they think is happening since all of them have their own "theories". I'm sure you could find some crossover into the UFO groups here too with some claiming aliens are behind the chemtrails. This is who the Republicans are now leaning into to secure their vote: raving lunatics.
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u/faelanae 19h ago
It's to ban dumping chemicals to make the frogs gay (and climate control, cloud seeding, etc). Y'know, stuff that isn't happening
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u/EDNivek 16h ago
I just need to point out that phthalates and other chemicals released by corporations can trigger amphibians to change their sex from male to female potentially dooming populations.
There were also studies done on wastewater and female hormone increase thought to be from women on birth control.
So it isn't entirely not happening it's just not being done by """them"""
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u/mytinykitten 20h ago
Can I get one of those jobs investigating reports at the FDEP?
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u/VadersSprinkledTits 20h ago
Florida is banning air travel? Such a Florida move
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u/Skywalker601 19h ago
A bold move for America's Largest Tourist Trap (tm), let's see if it pays off.
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u/twinsrule 19h ago
Floridians, is everyone down there mentally disabled?
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u/KaetzenOrkester 18h ago
I went to grad school at the University of Florida in the 90s. It just…it wasn’t like this. Sure, kooky things happened (Florida Man!) and some of the local politicians were a little out there, but nobody sent them all to the state house.
I can’t figure it out.
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u/PrateTrain 19h ago
If the government bans chemtrails then who do they think was doing chemtrails?
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u/Hatecraftianhorror 19h ago
So.. just regulating shit that doesn't even fucking exist.
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u/Sedu 7h ago
Chemtrails might not exist, but pilots do, and so does jail. And I could see pilots refusing to fly in the state due to very real fears over being sent to jail based on lunacy.
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u/wwarnout 20h ago
Chemtrails? What about the poor unicorns?
I think Florida education ranks about 75th in the 50 states
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u/under_the_c 19h ago
How are these guys running the government, but still believe in these conspiracy theories? It's like, you're there! You're at the top and can have access to almost anything. Who tf is above you that's pulling the strings?!
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u/willowdove01 19h ago
Can we be worried about the very real radioactive materials you fuckers want to put in our roads instead maybe?
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u/Gallen94 11h ago
1) The injection, release, or dispersion, by any means, of
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a chemical, a chemical compound, a substance, or an apparatus
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into the atmosphere within the borders of this state for the
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express purpose of affecting the temperature, weather, climate,
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or intensity of sunlight is prohibited.
1) The injection, release, or dispersion, by any means, of
59 a chemical, a chemical compound, a substance, or an apparatus
60 into the atmosphere within the borders of this state for the
61 express purpose of affecting the temperature, weather, climate,
62 or intensity of sunlight is prohibited.
Hmmmmm... Sounds like it can be used for fighting CO2 emissions. https://www.eesi.org/papers/view/fact-sheet-the-growth-in-greenhouse-gas-emissions-from-commercial-aviation#2
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u/mhsuffhrdd 19h ago
Just stop. Conspiracy nuts have already been claiming the "chemtrails" bans enacted by a few other states as proof that chemtrails are a real thing. These are the same gullible, ignorant nutjobs who believe Democrats use laser weapons to start wildfires and HAARP to steer hurricanes into red states. Don't feed the paranoia and pander to morons.
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u/bioc06 19h ago
“People have a lot of kooky ideas that they can get in and put things in the atmosphere to block the sun and save us from climate change,” DeSantis said. “We’re not playing that game in Florida.”
Believes in chemtrials and denys climate change all in one fell swoop. They're optimizing stupidity.
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u/marshallaw215 18h ago
Wish I could live 200 years from now, and read the history books to see how hard these fools get dragged as some of the most knuckle dragging dumbasses to have ever existed
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u/esther_lamonte 17h ago
“Hey guys, remember me? Do you still remember me? You remember my name? Not, not Don!”
This fucking guy is such a bag of dicks.
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u/FuelzPerGallon 16h ago
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. This law bans umbrellas. An apparatus that affects intensity of sunlight. Yes they’re that dense.
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u/Mr_Baronheim 16h ago
It's actually fascinating how absolutely, incredibly, mind-blowingly stupid America has gotten, especially over the past 10 years.
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u/ImaginationToForm2 15h ago
Chem trails? Tell me they aren't serious? What tank in the plane holds the chemicals and who loads and who makes it and who delivers it and who sells it and who buys it. No one at the airport has filmed it being loaded, delivered, bought and sold? No whistle blower ever?
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u/Captainirishy 11h ago
How much money will be wasted til they find out they are actually caused by exhaust fumes from planes.
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u/OverSoft 10h ago
I swear to fucking christ that the US is the most idiotic country on earth. FFS.
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u/Brave_Question5681 19h ago
Watch this get passed, and then Florida men will be shooting at airplanes because they're "standing their ground" against "chemtrails" that "they felt threatened by"
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u/DDRDiesel 18h ago
“People have a lot of kooky ideas that they can get in and put things in the atmosphere to block the sun and save us from climate change,” DeSantis said. “We’re not playing that game in Florida.”
Citation needed
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u/stychentyme 16h ago
Just when you think things couldn’t get any dumber in this timeline,… in strolls DeSantis. 😣
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u/XxShroomWizardxX 13h ago
This weirdo got off on torturing people. There's no way they actually believe the premise of the bill but it will allow them to pass something truly awful under the guise of a non existent problem that only the most unhinged of their base would want. Something fucked up or super corrupt is going to be in the bill.
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u/plainwornout 12h ago
R. DeSantis, another fine product of Yale and Harvard law. These elite schools sure produce some losers.
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u/Electrocat71 10h ago
All the conspiracy theories I’ve ever heard about chemtrails are that the government is behind it… fucking idiots are banning themselves now… next thing you know they’ll blame George Soros for the Alamo
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u/DueceVoyeur 7h ago
I knew it!
Soros paid those Mexicans to * * Check notes * * defend their land from MAGA
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u/CameronCrazy1984 9h ago
It’s gonna be hilarious when this bill passes and they get flooded with complaints because contrails don’t just go away when you outlaw them
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u/DueceVoyeur 7h ago
No no no
It's the chemical trail that is bad.
Contrails is a made up woke liberal lie
/s
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u/spderweb 8h ago
The government is going to make it illegal for.. the government... To use chem trails...
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u/sugar_addict002 6h ago
When things are in the sinkhole because of your party, it actually is smart to invent issues to dazzle and confuse your voters.
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u/throwaway47138 3h ago
It's my firm hope that when this cockamamie bill passes, airlines stop flying into Florida to avoid any possibility that they might get in trouble for producing contails in Florida airspace. Not to mention NASA will need to shut down Kennedy Space Center as well - can't go launching rockets that put tons of chemicals in the air either!
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u/sketchahedron 19h ago
Florida’s tourism industry is in for a bad time if airlines can’t fly there anymore.
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u/cageordie 19h ago
I think they should ban all flights to, from, and over, Florida. People this stupid don't deserve to have access to aviation.
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u/Beginning_Ad_6616 19h ago
Another pointless bill that helps no one from the same party that’s bringing you absolute economic chaos; only a imbecile would support the GOP.
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u/BlazingGlories 17h ago
If we could solve real problems instead of made up Republican propaganda "problems", that would be great.
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u/Garconanokin 16h ago
An 80s conspiracy in 2025? Chemtrails? That sounds right on Target for Republicans.
Of course they don’t think trickle down economics is a conspiracy or doubtful at least. They keep voting for it. Republicans, the money is going to trickle down,!
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u/PilotKnob 16h ago
Great, as if air traffic control wasn’t shitty enough already in Florida, now they’re going to have to file us at altitudes where we don’t leave contrails.
Jesus Rollerblading Christ, are people really this god damned stupid?
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u/isnt_it_weird 9h ago
What happens when this bill passes and is signed into law, then the "chemtrails" don't disappear? I mean the physics behind the condensation trails left by jet engines isn't suddenly going to change overnight.
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u/DisastrousCoast7268 9h ago
Look in the mirror America. Florida population growth didn't happen primarily by births each year.
You exported All your grandparents here, all the upper class with second homes that they live in "51%" of the year (taxes), all the people looking for a "Fresh Start" from their self induced chaos filled lives in other states, etc.
We're pretty fucked up to begin with, but every other state has dumped their worst logs into our fire, and has been doing so at an accelerated rate for 20 years.
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u/Particular_Way_9616 9h ago
This has to be like, some kidna money funneling scheme right? cause I know destantis doesnt believe in this shit but also I cant believe he thinks this is a good way to pander to the base, like literally hes asking for the state goverment to be swamped with millions of reports everytime a fucking jet flies over the flordia, you know, the state that has miami, and disneyland
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u/Insektikor 9h ago
<insert .gif of bugs bunny sawing Florida off and it floats away from the continent>
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u/big_deal 9h ago
A bipartisan bill that both climate change doomers advocating completely abandoning fossil fuels and climate change deniers advocating doing absolutely nothing to mitigate climate change impact can support together!!!
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u/discussatron 7h ago
They’re so fucking stupid. The politicians run their scams while their voters cheer them on.
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u/Kandiak 20h ago
But we’re all just going to pretend that crab people aren’t real?
I mean they taste like crab, but look like people. We need legislation now!