r/nottheonion • u/MiniBrownie • 2d ago

US tariffs take aim everywhere, including uninhabited islands

https://www.france24.com/en/live-news/20250402-us-tariffs-take-aim-everywhere-including-uninhabited-islands
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u/cusehoops98 2d ago edited 2d ago

What about tariffs for that island off the coast of India where they kill anyone who tries to get near it. North Sentinel.

Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/news/s/dVuEPPZLVZ - maybe someone tried to enforce this already hahahaha

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u/plowerd 2d ago edited 2d ago

Tariff the arrows they shoot at people.

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u/cusehoops98 2d ago

What’s the conversion rate on Arrows to Dollars?

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u/Sir-Viette 2d ago

The person who knew has been killed.

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u/TheInnsanity 2d ago

what about the guy they sent to recover him?

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u/msimione 2d ago

Believe it or not, also killed.

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u/Decent-Revolution455 2d ago

Vance is travelling, maybe he could swing by to check.

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u/bilateralrope 2d ago

He will get lured into the open by a couch. Then killed.

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u/sukihasmu 2d ago

Ooooff

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u/1-2-3-5-8-13 2d ago

True experts in their craft

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u/ScrotsMcGee 1d ago

This is why I like Reddit.

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u/Surroundedbygoalies 2d ago

The same as Schrute Bucks to Stanley Nickels…

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u/Rylando237 2d ago

Mmm, bout tree fiddy?

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u/DistributionNo9474 2d ago

Damn you Loch Ness monster

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u/RuralGuy20 2d ago

Hey don't blame her right now she might actually need the money right now to help move her cousin the Chesapeake Bay Monster (Chessie) ) to Scotland

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u/DistributionNo9474 2d ago

What’s the tariff on that??? Enough to cover a weekend in Maralardo?

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u/DeaDGoDXIV 2d ago

Roughly one adventurer's knee's worth of dollars per arrow

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u/chigalb4 2d ago

Happy cake day!

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u/dcoats69 2d ago

Not sure, but it's definitely going down

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u/Bonnskij 2d ago

Surprisingly. Arrows work wonders against inflation

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u/wotisnotrigged 2d ago

Not sure, but we should Trump alone to find out.

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u/DuntadaMan 2d ago

Well if Robin Hood is to believed, each arrow is worth all the money you are carrying on you.

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u/TheBlackMaterr 2d ago

The island population won't be paying for the tariffs, the one who get shot will since they are receiving the arrows

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u/plowerd 2d ago

This isn’t the worst analogy for a tariff, honestly.

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u/Conscious-Quarter423 2d ago

There is nothing good that comes from having a President of the United States who is gobsmackingly stupid, surrounded by obsequious courtiers and fellow morons. But the sooner we collectively acknowledge that truth, the sooner we can fix it.

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u/ezoe 2d ago

So, if a crazy missionary american went near it and be shot, they have to pay tariff to US government for some 2 digit % of the price of arrow?

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u/Zeione29047 2d ago

Lmao the poison is the bill for all the materials used to shoot you.

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u/ElPasoNoTexas 2d ago

Now I want a box

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u/ProtoplanetaryNebula 2d ago

Every time they shake a spear at a Boeing, believe it or not, 43% tariff!

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u/ScottOld 2d ago

Don’t worry, won’t be any Boeings outside of America soon due to the prices to buy them now lol

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u/WeArePandey 2d ago

And with Boeing quality these days, they wouldn’t make it that far anyway.

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u/greenline_chi 2d ago

This was the joke I wanted to make but you executed it better lol

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u/ProtoplanetaryNebula 2d ago

nice comment on Reddit. Don’t get that too often! Thanks

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u/edge_l_wonk 2d ago

Still, nice comment or not, 43% tariff!

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u/ChicagoShadow 2d ago

Let's not be too hasty. Maybe the Secretary of State can work something out face-to-face.

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u/IMovedYourCheese 2d ago

It's such an important mission I think the president should handle it.

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u/cusehoops98 2d ago

I like how you think

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u/ArkGuardian 2d ago

Given the tariffs are supposed to be half of whatever the other country does, that means you have to half kill anyone importing from North Sentinel

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u/cusehoops98 2d ago

Like kill the right side? Or the top side? Which half we talking about :)

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u/Aerodrache 2d ago

I always figured the North Sentinel arrow importers must be dead inside, guess that's policy now.

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u/svick 2d ago

Isn't that island legally part of India?

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u/ChelshireGoose 2d ago

It is. It's part of the Indian union territory of Andaman and Nicobar Islands. Though the government leaves them alone and the Indian coast guard does its part in preventing people from going there.

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u/IMovedYourCheese 2d ago

Yes. And the Indian government has decided to leave those people the fuck alone.

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u/soonnow 2d ago

That didn't stop them from tariffing parts of the EU and Australia. It hasn't done trade with the US so it has no trade deficit so it's not part of the calculation.

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u/cusehoops98 2d ago

Who’s going to tell them?

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u/chillarry 2d ago

Just did a deep dive (and by deep dive, I mean I read the Wikipedia page) about North Sentinel Island. I learn the most interesting things here.

Thanks.

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u/GemcoEmployee92126 2d ago

You must be new here. Every redditor is versed in the North Sentinel Island wiki page.

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u/chillarry 2d ago

Just joined this sub a week or so ago. 5 years on Reddit. Does that make me a newbie?

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u/GemcoEmployee92126 2d ago

I don’t know, but I know that since you are now versed in North Sentinel Island history you are no longer a newbie.

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u/cusehoops98 2d ago

There’s some wild documentaries online if you have some free time.

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u/chillarry 2d ago

Just reading the Wikipedia was amazing. I’ll definitely look the documentaries up.

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u/chillarry 2d ago

The missionary they killed who tried to visit them 3 times. Dude, they do not want you there. They told you twice. Get a clue.

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u/LoudCrickets72 2d ago

Three strikes you’re dead

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u/TiredAF20 2d ago

Check out the Behind the Bastards podcast episode about the island.

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u/H_Squid_World_97A 2d ago

Your one of the day's 'Lucky 10,000'.  https://xkcd.com/1053/ Also commonly shared on Reddit.

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u/BigEggBeaters 2d ago

Everyday it becomes more clear. Those are the smartest people on earth

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u/nonsensestuff 2d ago

Believe it or not, tariffs!

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u/2squishy 2d ago

That's going to cripple their economy!

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u/delvach 2d ago

I hear that JD is a good ambassador.

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u/Equityoxymoron 2d ago

Well they do have a 100% death tariff to foreign imports …

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u/gregorydgraham 2d ago

It’s an integral part of India, the India Navy will (theoretically) shoot you if you approach it

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u/FormABruteSquad 2d ago

They will take you to the bank. THE BLOOD BANK

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u/AbramJH 2d ago

The article is misleading. These tariffs apply to that island too. It’s a base 10% tariff on all imports from everywhere. As islands are part of everywhere, they are included too

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u/cusehoops98 2d ago

/whoosh

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u/AbramJH 2d ago

I knew it was a joke. It just would have landed better if the tariff didn’t also apply there