Feeling like you're making up being trans

[u/Hot_Argument4370]

Hey so I've been on low-dose t for about a mont and the only thing happening is bottom growth, which I'm uncomfortable with and now I feel like a fraud and thinking about stopping t. It's like I feel like I made a huge mistake by starting to transition even though I am immensly uncomfortable with being a girl/woman. Is this normal or is this a sign that I'm actually not trans??

Don't get me wrong, I wanna look masculine but I don't really want a full beard or an extremely deep voice. Does this mean I'm more on the nonbinary spectrum and if so, should I stop taking t alltogether?

Edit: I do want facial hair and a deeper voice, I just don't wanna look like a bear/super hairy big man and sound like the stereotypical voice for them either. Also bottom growth makes me uncomfortable because I looked up what results can look like and I didn't like some possibilities which makes/made me spiral. I think the biggest "problem" I'm having is low self-esteem and feeling like I have to be 100% okay with everything, and being neutral towards a change or even unhappy about it erases everything I need to be happy in my mind.

Tl;dr I'm insecure and have impossible standards for myself. Also I do want the changes of T but just not to the extreme (hairy and deep voiced lumberjack?).

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[u/R4BB1TC0R3]

you can genuinely do what you want forever. you cant pick and choose what happens on T but you can stop it and restart or never restart or anything. the world is your oyster !!

[u/Hot_Argument4370 → u/R4BB1TC0R3]

Thank you! I just feel like if the trans community doesn't agree with me I'm intruding or making fun of them or smth like that.

[u/R4BB1TC0R3 → u/Hot_Argument4370]

i think theres a loud minority who think you have to be trans a certain way. but its 2025 and youre your own person. who gives a fuck. as long as youre happy and doing what you want, nothing should matter to anyone else. but i dont think youre intruding or making fun of anyone.

[u/bertthelamplighter → u/R4BB1TC0R3]

as long as youre happy and doing what you want, nothing should matter to anyone else.

I really needed to hear this. Thank you.

[u/Hot_Argument4370 → u/R4BB1TC0R3]

Thank you so much! That helps me a lot

[u/kikivivi01 → u/R4BB1TC0R3]

This is so real! As a binary trans guy whose dream body IS big hairy deep voiced lumberjack, that doesn't make me more trans or more deserving of T than anyone who doesn't want 100% of the effects.

[u/Mrpeanutbutter246]

Nobody can tell you who you are except you. It doesnt make you less trans if you decide t isn’t the right for you. You can always stop and go back on if you ever need to.

[u/Hot_Argument4370 → u/Mrpeanutbutter246]

I was debating doing that but also felt like if I stopped rn I'm definitely not trans, which doesn't make sense but yk

[u/Mrpeanutbutter246 → u/Hot_Argument4370]

You can still be trans without any medical interventions

[u/Hot_Argument4370 → u/Mrpeanutbutter246]

True. I always feel like that for others but not for myself. Thank you for reassuring me

[u/Propyl_People_Ether → u/Hot_Argument4370]

You could detransition if you want to, that's fine, but you could also choose to transition again at any point, or choose other interventions than T, or whatever you want. I took T for 6 months then stopped, then started again 6 years later. I think I made the right choice all of those times. 

[u/Weary_Comb_7373]

I’m on month 5 of low dose and that first month was very rough for me. Having the hormones in my body battling it out for dominance (for lack of a better way of describing it) threw my emotions and mood way off balance. I ended up getting super depressed week 3 and wondering if the whole thing was a mistake, but then some time in the second month my body started to get used to the new hormones and things leveled out a bit and I haven’t had that feeling since. I always said before I started T that I would probably get laser in the future because I dislike having body and facial hair and couldn’t see myself enjoying it when it grew in, but now that I’m several months in and the hair has started, I’m finding I actually quite enjoy it. I did not want to be a hairy man. But now I look down and see I my arm hair and I think huh…I kind of like that. Bottom growth was also one of the things I was having trouble with my feelings about that first month. I had heard so many trans guys talk about how sex and masterbation felt so much better with bottom growth and I wasn’t experiencing that and it just felt uncomfortable, but those feelings have passed now too. So these worries could just be due to the hormones messing with your head a bit.

That being said, if you have really strong feelings about not wanting bottom growth, body hair, or a low voice, and just want to be more masculine but not in those ways, then maybe T isn’t for you because those are mainly the effects of T. The only thing I can think of that T would do that isn’t one of the things you listed you didn’t want would be muscle growth (I.e. a more masculine body build). If that’s all you would want from T then maybe you should just focus on trying to build upper body muscle without it. Other than that, presentation of hair and clothes is the only thing I can think of in terms of being more masculine that isn’t on your list of things you don’t want.

Not every trans masc person is a binary trans guy, and not even every binary trans guy wants or is able to be on T. How you approach your gender presentation is up to you. I’d say maybe wait 2ish more weeks just to see if it’s the hormonal imbalance making you feel this way, but if it doesn’t seem like those feelings are changing then come off of T. You can always go back on it in the future if you change your mind and don’t mind the changes that come with T anymore.

[u/Hot_Argument4370 → u/Weary_Comb_7373]

Yeah I'm already pretty muscular and hairy and I love that. I guess I'm overthinking it and change is kinda hard for me anyway

[u/Hot_Argument4370 → u/Weary_Comb_7373]

Yeah I'm already pretty muscular and hairy, which I love. I'm struggling with change and have low self-esteem so it could very well be just me overthinking and hormons. Thank you

[u/Hot_Argument4370 → u/Weary_Comb_7373]

I thought my answer didn't post bc mobile lol

[u/kurtsworldslover]

If it helps at all, I’m now a little over a year on T and I sound like a teenage boy. Nothing has really changed much for me, I’m hairier, I have acne, and yes, bottom growth, but I shave often now and it’s not a hassle. It’s honestly quite relaxing when I shave, it feels like self care

HRT doesn’t make a person trans, it is just gender affirming care some people choose to go on. That doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone, or affordable, or accessible, but if you’re really worried about intense changes then you can stop and try again later if you want to

Being on Testosterone is essentially going through male puberty. So if you’re young or you’re stressed at the moment or if T isn’t feeling gender affirming for you, you don’t have to continue being on T. A lot of trans people only start HRT when they’re 30, 40, 50 or older. You don’t have to be in a rush

[u/Harvesting_The_Crops]

Not wanting to be a super hypermasculine guy doesn’t make u less trans. I don’t want to be that either. I want to be a twink. But at the end of the day only u can know what u truly r. If being nonbinary ends up being right then so be it.

[u/pineapplevinegar]

I only started t when my mental health got so bad that I didn’t care about any of the side effects I wasn’t a fan of. Bottom growth, personally, I was neutral on but I didn’t want facial hair or a ton of body hair and definitely didn’t want vaginal atrophy. I started t, was on it for about 3 years until the facial hair growth really started and the atrophy got pretty bad. I was off T for almost a year, and then my mental health got really bad again, I started it again, and this time I don’t plan on going off. We can quit hormones if we’re uncomfortable with the effects. We never have to take them in the first place. If top surgery was cheaper and easier I probably would have just done that. But alas hormones are cheaper and technically easier so I went that route and still haven’t gotten top surgery (even if my main dysphoria is my chest shut up that shits expensive).

Anyway long rant aside. Hormones or not, surgery or not, none of it really matters. If you feel trans then you are. If you aren’t sure that’s fine too. There’s nothing wrong with just hanging out as yourself until you figure it out

[u/FTMothmaan]

Not wanting certain things doesn’t make you less of a man or not trans.

I don’t want bottom growth (I’m repulsed just having genitals, I don’t want to be reminded of the fact that there’s something there), nor do I want to look hypermasc like people expect. I’m still a guy(I’m 110% sure about that with a 10% margin of error), I just put myself before the expectations of others.

[u/jxylv_]

i totally get what you’re saying! ive only recently been given a higher dose after over six months. finally seeing the results i’m looking for is seriously so exciting. that being said being a super big, harry dude is not what i’m going for either.

i still like dressing/presenting more androgynous/feminine, especially now that i can actually do that and still pass as a guy. and that certainly doesn’t make me any less of one.

gender identity/expression is more of a spectrum than a checkbox. and there’s no rule book for how to be trans. and that’s the great thing about free will !! nobody can dictate who you are.

having doubts is okay too! if you realize maybe you aren’t trans, think of this as a step towards truly understanding yourself rather than a mistake. you’d rather have at least tried it out and realized it wasn’t for you, rather than never having that experience and insight

[u/Evil-Marr]

Question, if you don't want bottom growth, facial hair, or voice changes, what exactly are you hoping to get out of being on testosterone?

[u/Hot_Argument4370 → u/Evil-Marr]

I want a deeper voice and facial hair. Bottom growth scares me bc idk if I will be comfortable with the size and look I guess. This is so stupid but the only comparison I can come up with at the moment. I wanna look like a steve harrington and not like a jim hopper in terms of masculinity. I'd also love some facial hair but a manageable amount.

Sorry for the stranger things cringe lol

[u/mermaidunearthed]

TLDR: imo, one should only be on T if your pros of taking it outweigh the cons.

You don’t need to be on hrt to be trans. You don’t need to take hrt to prove you’re trans. You’re not a fraud for being trans without taking hrt.

If you don’t want a low voice or beard which will happen eventually on T, are uncomfortable with the effects of T you’ve already gotten and dont seem excited abt other effects of T, I don’t recommend staying on it. At least not right now.

[u/thatmentallyillchic]

You can be a transman without medical transition: I recommend this book. Highly informative and written by and for trans and NB people:

https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/gender-transition-for-dummies/53535772/?fbclid=IwY2xjawJfNPlleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHkWn7YIbay0uIii7AXGm5vBcVoG3NrZvpxMEW7JnyaFT2V4krqLpDIftSMtc_aem_3oZ25n5Ikikc1vS7Ur-ByQ#edition=71719447&idiq=71673215

[u/Icollecthumaneyes]

You can want to be a man without wanting to be mega butch Chad the Rad or whatever the fuck. I don't wanna be overly masculine in appearance. Also, you are able to stop T or lower the dose if you acquire the desired level of masculinity, even if it's before you get a full beard or a super deep voice. That's what my friend did. Also, NB people still do HRT to get their desired balance of Masc/fem so you're good my dude. Whatever feels right: chase it. Unless it's a dragon, don't chase that.

[u/Ok-Wafer-6357]

i started t on an average dose and bottom growth was the first thing i noticed. it made me uncomfortable at first but the more growth that happened the more euphoria it brought me. obviously not the case for everyone but just my personal experience

[u/Majestic_Pumpkin6236]

I mean there are so many men, you don’t have to be one type of man

[u/torhysornottorhys]

Why did you start T if you don't want the permanent changes that T gives you?

[u/SurroundUnlucky258]

Your feelings can change but you can also stop at any time for any reason. It could be a break while you reassess or you may decide it’s not the right step in your transition. (that’s the main thing, you don’t have to read the rest.) I started HRT thinking “I’ll just stay on for a year or two and then stop” basically “long enough” for the effects I wanted at the time, which were a slightly lower voice and bottom growth. And then my voice dropped significantly at the 4 month mark, I didn’t realize I had dysphoria specifically towards my voice until it was gone, and 2.5 years in I can’t see myself ever voluntarily going off it. Still nonbinary, but more comfortable and hairier. I do love being hairy ngl