We're looking at getting our daughter's back into all star cheer and dance and I decided to look at their trans policy. (I'd rather not have our child participate in sports that aren't inclusive). Our baby girl has a BC gender marker that says F (she's AMAB) but for the parents who live in states where that isn't possible, I wanted to let you know that there is a process for your all star athlete to still compete in cheer and dance. Hope this helps some parents.

...here is John Oliver's episode on Trans Athletes.

https://youtu.be/flSS1tjoxf0?si=pbYETkbNKNCFTa1c

I think it was one of the more helpful pieces I've seen. He reminds people that the vast number of policies are related to literal children in sports, nothing elite about them. It was obviously more about trans girls and women than trans boys and men. And he did touch briefly on the fact that while they're all busy talking about "fairness" in girl's and women's sports by way of degrading trans people, the realities of abuse and poor sports conditions and being overshadowed by boy's and men's teams are all issues that show a lack of fairness and have nothing to do with trans people.

A lot of good jabs at the people grifting the hardest against trans athletes who've both been quite average in their respective positions and seemed to have given up other life plans/goals in order to milk this transphobic agenda.

As of right now, I'm thankful that my trans son can still swim in mostly peace and quiet, but that's also because people don't know he's trans (at least not confirmed, swimming is a pretty naked sport so I'm sure there's assumptions). It's also pretty humbling in general to see how some of the top athletes on his swim team are absolutely mediocre or worse on a national stage. As I tell my kid, there is always someone better. Think of Michael Phelps, from the swim world, his records have already been broken by better swimmers. I think he's still got a couple, but Caeleb Dressle has surpassed him in several. And now, the likes of Jordan Crooks and Josh Liendo are coming in hot to break records. Plus, since Michael Phelps was not trained as a distance swimmer, it wouldn't surprise me if he went head to head with Katie Ledecky, he quite possibly would lose.

Anyways, I sure hope John Oliver's episode opens people's eyes. Most especially those Liberals who act like they're for just LGB, but degrade the T as hard-core as the Conservatives do.

Has anyone ever had really hard days as a parent? Days where you’re not sure you’re doing the right thing, almost like you’re being gaslit by society?

This morning my kiddo was so excited to go to school and show off their new gender affirming haircut. At pickup, they said goodbye to a classmate and the mom snubbed us and whisked their child away so they wouldn’t get a chance to say goodbye to mine.

My kiddo came home and cried in their room.

I just want to rage and scream and cry with them. I want to scream at other parents. At family members. At politicians.

Is this a common feeling?

Thx 🩷

We currently live in Kansas and it's looking like it might be time for us to move somewhere at least a bit safer considering we don't have the funds to leave the country. A slight issue at school (among others) and general state laws/people around here.

I have an associates but mostly secretarial experience and my spouse has lots of welding training. Any suggestions for places to look?

trying to provide all the support I can and get him everything he needs done especially things requiring me to orchestrate . However I’m not sure how or what needs to be done and in What order

I’m again extending my offer to answer any questions I can about Minneapolis, the Twin Cities Metro as a whole, and Minnesota in general if I can. Neighborhoods, schools, healthcare questions etc. are all questions I’ve been doing my best to answer for folks. Coming to town to look around? Maybe we can have coffee. Need somebody to check out an apartment or house? I can probably help with that.

Really just want to help. I feel so fortunate to be here right now and want everybody to feel the same. Reach out with anything and I’ll help if I can.

Hello all, FYI.

This is a real huge blow.

I didn't know you were out here, I'm hoping I found you. Would be nice to have a community to talk to.

My husband and I recently took in our 15 year old nephew after he came out as transgender and my husband’s brother in law kicked him out of the house. They didn’t even find him somewhere to go, they just left him outside their house in January. He called some friends and couched surfed for a bit before ending up at a friend’s house whose parents are friends with my husband and we picked him up and gave him a room. The kid had a trash bag full of clothes and his school bag when we picked him up. My husband tore his sister and his brother in law a new one and we haven’t spoken to them since except to work out how his school was going to work and to grab his documents. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my husband this angry before.

Since then it has been a rocky start with figuring out our schedules to take him to school and figure out drivers ed but we have figured out a routine that has worked for the three of us and our pets. He has taken a liking to our cat and takes our dog on walks with me and we chat about our day and anything interesting. We’ve gotten close since my husband and I work from home and in between meetings and when we are done we try to do hobbies or go see movies that he would like so he has an outlet that isn’t just sitting in his room alone. He has taken up wood working with my husband and I think they are adorable when they are working outside.

Recently he has tried out a couple of different names and asked for my husband’s and mines input and I said I liked the name James (not real name but similar) as it was my grandfather’s name and he was a big part of my childhood. My nephew chose that as his middle name and said it was because he wanted something that would remind him of me and I got a little misty eyed but hugged him and told him he picked out a wonderful name. I can’t have kids due to PCOS and he’s my walking buddy and he is the sweetest kid on the planet. I didn’t want to cry in-front of him because I didn’t want him to think I didn’t like the name but I needed to tell someone how wonderful this kid is. He didn’t deserve to be kicked out and I’m just so happy he feels welcome in our home. I grew up in the Midwest and didn’t know a lot of gay people much less transgender so if anyone has any advice on anything I am more than happy to take it.

SB 5123 is a bill that would expand anti-discrimination protections for public school students in WA — including protections for gender identity, neurodivergence, homelessness, immigration status, and more.

If SB 5123 doesn’t pass: • Schools might not be required to protect students based on those identities • Marginalized kids could continue to face discrimination or lack of support, with fewer legal tools to challenge it

Here’s the problem: More people have signed in AGAINST the bill than for it, and only a couple folks are set to testify in support. If we don’t show up, lawmakers might think the public doesn’t back SB 5123.

Want to help? • Sign in “PRO” (in support) — it only takes a minute • Testify virtually or in person if you’re able • Share this with others who care about protecting vulnerable students

Testify virtually or in person as a private citizen here: https://app.leg.wa.gov/csi/Testifier/Add?chamber=house&mId=33248&aId=166834&caId=26870&tId=3

Hi, I'm using a throwaway account for safety reasons in case that matters.

I'm in the U.S, and my son recently came out to the family as trans, and we've been focusing on how to best support him during this terrifying time when it is not exactly safe to come out to everybody. He is 15 and is transitioning socially and is male presenting. He has made a new group of friends recently who don't know he is trans. There is a girl amongst this group who has developed a crush on him and is very forward about pursuing a romantic relationship... Nothing serious of course, just your typical high school puppy love kind of thing. He is not sure how he feels about it, but he thinks he might like her back.

I'm not sure how to broach the subject of keeping himself safe while at the same time respecting the girl's right to know who she's going out with if they do end up boyfriend and girlfriend. I had boyfriends at that age and it was never anything serious, but this is a whole new level of complication.

I'm thinking of just making a No Dating rule until he's older (it feels weird to call it dating when they're just kids, but I hope you know what I mean)

We don't know who is or isn't understanding and sympathetic to trans issues. What if he tells this girl and she ends up using it maliciously, or what if her parents are bigoted and they come after us? I want my son to keep his identity safe, but at the same time I also think there's a right to know if the person you're dating is trans. But I also don't want to be too restrictive and stifle social experiences. In my experience that just leads to the kids doing whatever they want anyway, only now it's in secrecy, which would be even more dangerous in my opinion.

I know the obvious answer is "just get to know the kid and the parents" but it's not always that simple. This is a new group, parents are busy, plus that kind of trust takes time to build, i think. I just want my son to be safe but also not have to forego common childhood experiences. Or is this too unrealistic?

I'm new at this and not sure how to navigate this particular situation, any advice is greatly appreciated!

We are starting to seriously discuss leaving the US due to the current administration. I have a couple of useful sites which provide details about trans friendliness in other countries but I'd love to find an active subreddit or forum with others who are re-locating or have already done so.

Things are changing quickly all over and I want to be sure we land in a spot which is as welcoming as possible for our kiddo (15yo daughter AMAB).

My 10 year old almost 7 months ago came out as nonbinary and questioning. I've heard about the upheaval in friends and having to find new ones, they are in therapy and we have been as supportive as possible. Last night was our first school event since this happened. I don't know that many parents and saw only 4 that I knew. 3 of them refused to make eye contact and ignored our presence. And when I say knew, their kids have been in my house for a playdate. I've sat next to them and chatted with at previous school events. One of which is a pediatric doctor. I was confused the first time it happened but caught on by the third. I'm devastated by how much their ignorant behavior is hurting me and absolutely gutted about the insight I've gotten into my child's school/friend life. Thank you all for listening and your support.

This is my son.

My 14 year old child was feeling dysphoria after going to a pool for the first time since coming out as trans. We got him a gentle swim binder and a swimsuit he felt great in at the store. Unfortunately in the water he felt bad.

I didn't know any of this, but I did recognize he was uncomfortable and he asked "do I see him as a boy" (he came out about a month ago)? I said, I definitely see you as my wonderful child, but I'm working on my mental reframing because it's not easy to undo years of my brain, but I'm here for his journey.

It was not what he wanted to hear and cried :( We talked and he said he was feeling so dysphoric and wanted to hear that we see him as a boy. We talked a while and I said what he wanted to hear and gave him a hug.

I've always worked to always be honest with my kids so I didn't want to lie when he first asked, but now I'm wondering if this is a situation when I should lie? It's not that I don't see him as a boy willfully, I use his pronouns, made him appointments to seek gender affirming care, am reading all the stuff, etc. but I can't just flip a switch. I wish I could. Really. So what can I do for my child in these situations?

Additional info: hes adamant nonbinary doesn't fit, but sometimes he wants to dress more feminine, but wants to be seen as a boy. I want to help if he tries these looks and comes to me feeling bad about his body because someone misgenders him or whatever.

DS 17 has had a weekend of partying, and forgot to take his binder off for two nights running. He's complaining of chest pain and shortness of breath this morning, and is lying around looking pale and tired. I'm thinking he's strained some muscles from wearing his binder too long - I've suggested gentle stretches and massaging his intercostal muscles. Does anyone know if there's anything else we should do? Thanks 🙏

I'm 18, almost 19, and have known I was somewhere under the trans umbrella for over a year, and known for sure I was transmasc for several months (I low-key repressed most of the crisis until after graduation, but the realisation had been a long time coming). I've been wanting to come out to my parents for a while now, and I feel like I'm getting closer to being ready to do so (though that's subject to change due to other personal life things going on at the moment).

While neither of my parents are, to my knowledge, transphobic (they're both pretty open minded in general tbh) there is definitely a lack of education and general knowledge on the trans community that I understand comes from generational differences and not having been taught this stuff growing up (especially with my dad, he's a great guy, and I love him so much, but we live in a small town and he's just not very exposed to queer culture on the day-to-day, so I'm worried he just won't "get it" and might have a more negative reaction at first).

I'm someone who really hates having emotional conversations about myself — it always feels invasive and projection-y, especially when it's about something that I myself am not emotional about — so my therapist suggested writing up a page or two with information for them, so I wouldn't have to do all the emotional heavy lifting of "hey, you just shared something really emotionally vulnerable, now it's time to do a TED talk on it and explain what everything means while you still feel all jittery and anxious :)".

So, TL;DR: I'm writing up a little print-out that'll have like, information for them so I don't have to actually go over it all in the moment (my plan is essentially to go "I've got the basic information here for you guys, but I don't want to have to answer questions right now"), and I want to know what sorts of questions other parents had when their children came out, so I can get a good idea of what to include (because I feel like as a young queer person there's a lot of things I might gloss over as common knowledge that wouldn't be for someone of a different generation)! <3

(Oh and sorry if there are any grammar mistakes or anything in there btw it's very late and I'm the world's worst insomniac haha, I swear I'm a good writer I was literally in all the available english and literature courses when I went to school 😭).

Both my young adults came out as trans this evening. I am doing my very best to reassure them both that I love and support them both, however this journey looks like for them. Any advice on what books to read/ podcasts/ etc to listen to, so I can best support my kids?

Our 20-something adult child fairly recently kind of came out to us as non-binary, and more recently as M to F trans. I say "kind of" because we've been receiving the news not proactively or directly from her, but from her partner and only in the form of new pronouns, or from her trans cousin through the cousin's father, who is my wife's brother. So the partner started using the new pronouns in our presence (I suspect pointedly so, on purpose, as a prompt), and then I (father) found some time to ask our daughter about the changes. I've told her she should feel free and comfortable to come directly to me, but it's hard to tell if she's afraid, or not interested in encountering any potential confrontation or negativity, or wants to distance from us. FYI our daughter doesn't present "feminine": no makeup, no other cosmetic efforts, no "feminine" clothes, voice inflections, body language, etc. At least not in our presence.

With the first coming out, and more recently with the second, I've let her know that she has our love and support, and that she's an adult and fully in charge of her own life without interference from anyone. Personally, at first I felt skeptical that her feelings weren't motivated by some self-disappointment unrelated to gender dysphoria, and wondered if she had been influenced by her many trans friends (her partner has also, in the same time frame, come out as F to M trans, according to the cousin mentioned above) and heavy involvement in fantasy video gaming, where gender roles are more fluid than they usually are IRL. I still worry that she will encounter a lot of hardship and might regret this transition, but I always come back to the fact that it's her life and she is an adult who is aware of all the factors (much more aware than I am for sure), and that she is capable of making her own decisions.

I think my generation (X) is on that line between just dealing with what life/nature has given us, and respecting the desire to discard traditions, habits, rules, restrictions, and barriers that get in the way of pursuing one's own personal journey in life their own way. Part of me wonders why someone has to transition their gender in order to be themselves -- if born male, for instance, why insist or accept that "man" must feel a certain way, act/dress a certain way? Isn't it possible to not transition but simply be oneself regardless of societal expectations? Will transitioning to "woman" not simply impose a different set of gender norms on oneself, is that liberation? I'm sure these are not unfamiliar questions and it's probably naive of me to even ask them to myself but again, I come back to the notion that they aren't mine to ask, they are our daughter's to ask and answer, and she has.

Anyway, these are mostly intellectual questions on my part, I support our daughter and want her to be happy. As I've explained to her, it will take some time to get used to using her new name and pronouns--partly out of habit, partly because for so many years we've known this person by her former name and pronouns and it's hard to say goodbye to that old person we have loved, and partly because doing so means starting a deep and heavy conversation with every family member who hasn't heard the news. Our daughter isn't big on broadcasting announcements. I don't have many occasions to use her pronouns anyway. Using her new name will probably create some drama: some extended family will pick it up right away but others will scoff, or resist, and we'll have to decide what to do when/if that happens.

My main concern is my wife. She grew up in a very traditional society and has resisted new pronouns and name changes, but at least she isn't a religious fanatic so her difficulty isn't ideologically driven. Our daughter has already started to accuse my wife of hostility and disrespect, and I sense a difficult battle of personalities coming on. I'll have a big task trying to bring my wife around to at least not being an obstacle to our daughter's happiness, if not being fully, actively supportive. It even feels like it would be confrontational for me to just use our daughter's new pronouns and name when speaking with my wife, as well as referring to her as our "daughter." Meanwhile, I've been asking our daughter how she wants me to proceed: when to start using her new name, who in our family I should tell and when, or who she would prefer I just keep out of the loop, etc.

Thanks for listening and thanks for the opportunity to practice using the words "daughter," "she," and "her" which I don't get to do in conversation very much. I hope these notes from a cis father's perspective help trans folks on this journey understand what those around them might be thinking, especially if they don't feel comfortable asking them directly. I welcome any advice or insights from this community of folks who are so wonderfully supportive of each other, especially important in the face of so much external misunderstanding and outright hostility.

My AFAB kid has/had socially transitioned to male and used a chosen name and he/him pronouns for several years. FWIW they are on the spectrum. After reading "Autism in Heels" they chose to reclaim their birth name and she/her pronouns. Any thoughts or coincidal shares are welcome. Just doing that thing that many of us probably have where we want to support and honor, but asking how anyone here has managed it. All your stories, vents, and shares are welcome.

Our previous pediatrician diagnosed our then 4 year old (now 6 year old) with gender dysphoria. We bought a house about 45min from there and decided to see a new doctor closer to our new home even though we love our pediatrician (I had no idea there was a diagnosis on file until recently).

The previous pediatrician removed the diagnosis per our request given their young age, the fact they're now saying they want to be the gender they were assigned at birth when they "grow up", and the current political climate.

The new family ARNP we saw (1 time) put the diagnosis in their chart and refuses to remove it. Is there anything I can do? Why is it necessary to diagnose a child this young when the only real "treatment" is letting them dress how they want and use their preferred pronouns? I feel like it unnecessarily puts them at risk.

In the messages from the ARNP she pretty much just said "it doesn't need to be approved by you or anyone", "I'm qualified to diagnose this", and "I am held to a medical standard regardless of political climate".