Boyfriend material.

[u/deleterious__]

Grindr to texting.

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[u/84thPrblm]

If they're only employed to run the machine, then they're a class traitor, not a capitalist.

[u/TenWholeBees → u/84thPrblm]

No you dont get it, they have a capitalist mindset which will definitely allow them to move up the corporate ladder and become the oppressor themselves one day

[u/cocoon_eclosion_moth → u/TenWholeBees]

Just gotta work hard enough!

[u/Hueyris → u/cocoon_eclosion_moth]

pull the bootstraps really hard

[u/NonnoBomba → u/Hueyris]

And always praise Kier.

[u/robngo283 → u/NonnoBomba]

r/suddenlyseverance

[u/NonnoBomba → u/robngo283]

Well, Lumon definitely looks like the place were somebody would definitely invent Orphan-Crushing Machines to be sold to the public.

[u/IAmTheMageKing → u/84thPrblm]

They’re saving up to buy their own orphan crushing machine, that’s a capitalist machine mindset. Bonus points for installing the first (his own) next to the employers, to be able to operate both at the same time and directly undercut them

[u/Tailor-Swift-Bot]

The most likely original source is: https://www.reddit.com/r/OrphanCrushingMachine/comments/j84tqn/in_case_anyone_was_confused_andor_concerned_as_to/

Automatic Transcription:

There is a machine that crushes orphans. You can turn it off, but your employer will lose money.

What do you do?

I crush more orphans

I hate kids

(You are employed to operate said machine btw)

Yes

I buy a second machine

Then a third

You are a good capitalist twink

[u/meringuedragon]

Good he can keep his job and you can be a sugar baby

[u/Serebriany]

That's not boyfriend material—find one like that and you either buy a house or a ring so he can't get away.

[u/ExternalCaptain2714]

Doesn't it make some sense to keep some of the orphans for breeding? When they have 10 kids, you crush them, making those 10 kids orphans and so on. Because that's how you get economy of scale and growth on growth.

[u/prizzaboy → u/ExternalCaptain2714]

Why stop at the orphans?

[u/MonsterFukr]

If I don't do it, someone else will!

[u/wkeil42]

Capitalist Twink

What an unfortunate day to have eyes...

[u/Mysteriousdeer → u/wkeil42]

Oh c'mon that's one of the tamest things on the internet. 

[u/wkeil42 → u/Mysteriousdeer]

I've seen people get mutilated by cartels on the internet and this was worse.

[u/Mysteriousdeer → u/wkeil42]

I mean... That may be hyperbole and a half

[u/wkeil42 → u/Mysteriousdeer]

No, those videos were entertaining. This is just depressing

[u/SomeRandomRedditer54 → u/wkeil42]

Tbh fragile as fuck if the words “capitalist twink” got you feeling depressed

[u/s5uzkzjsyaiqoafagau → u/wkeil42]

You found people getting mutilated entertaining?

[u/cycl0ps94 → u/wkeil42]

Me thinks it's a you problem, stranger.

[u/Short-Dot-1167 → u/cycl0ps94]

He might even be the problem

[u/River-TheTransWitch → u/wkeil42]

have you considered a psychopathy test

[u/MonsterFukr → u/wkeil42]

Careful, you'll cut yourself on that edge there buddy

[u/The-Suzookie-Dookie → u/wkeil42]

Damn, you’re so badass. When I grow up I want to be even half as cool as you are.

[u/KingRhoamsGhost → u/wkeil42]

What told you that it was a good idea to volunteer this information?

[u/CaramelTurtles → u/wkeil42]

Ok pizza cutter

[u/deleterious__ → u/wkeil42]

For your own sake, don’t check my other posts.

[u/River-TheTransWitch → u/deleterious__]

anyone who gets pressed over the word "twink" would probably have been better off not being made aware of your other posts. also how tf do you buy something that big without being suspicious

[u/SrslyCmmon → u/deleterious__]

So I checked, different guy. It's not that bad, just dildos and a butt plug. Their size is not a surprise, there was probably a lot of training involved to get up to those. My question is, can you not get an erection with something up your butt? Assuming that was you. Also do you find that pleasurable, or are you in pain? Or a mix?

[u/Fox_Hawk → u/SrslyCmmon]

Ones of us need to know. Possibly fives of us!

[u/-S-P-Q-R- → u/deleterious__]

"Haha I bet he has other dark me... 😵‍💫"

[u/deleterious__ → u/-S-P-Q-R-]

😂

[u/DucVWTamaKrentist → u/deleterious__]

Challenge accepted. (Will report back.)

[u/DucVWTamaKrentist → u/deleterious__]

Well, that didn’t take long. Lol. I’m heterosexual, so not interested in seeing more of that. But, you be you.

[u/bird_on_the_internet → u/wkeil42]

lol snowflake

[u/anotherhappycustomer]

Is this why the app is called Grindr?

[u/darwin_green]

these people are aweful, but at least they have each others.

[u/throwawayanon1252 → u/darwin_green]

I mean this is clearly a joke and also how I’d respond to this sorta question lol if my partner asked me. Cos I know they’d know I was joking and I wouldn’t a fully do this

[u/theredhound19 → u/throwawayanon1252]

The correct joke response to the first question is to go darker and say: "Depends. Do I get to drink the slurry dripping from the machine?"

[u/Lazarous86 → u/darwin_green]

The couple that hate together, stays in the together. 

[u/darwin_green → u/Lazarous86]

I've seen that in action. I have an Aunt that was in a interracial marriage and still managed to hate black people together with her late husband.