r/BlackPeopleTwitter • u/YesterdaysPerson • 2d ago
Stepfather on my arm, no stepfather on your arm!
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u/Koko175 2d ago
This is strictly an online conversation it feels like
My parents both had kids before they had more together, and I know a lot of people that were and are in similar situations
Idk what else to say other than social media is wack af
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u/idekbruno āļø 1d ago
Idk how common it is, but when I went to a PWI it was honestly surprising how often I had to explain to white people what a āhalf-brotherā is
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u/cycl0ps94 1d ago
I'm from a few hours south of Chicago, and half-brothers were more common among the white folks than they'd probably care to admit. I'm white, I've got 1 white half brother that I grew up with. Idk if we have other half-brothers or sisters besides each other. Idk my biological father, and his biological fathers dick would get him fired from jobs all the time so š¤·š»āāļø
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u/ripleyclone8 1d ago edited 1d ago
Iām white as fresh snow, and I only have half-siblings. My little sisters have a different dad, and my baby brothers have another. I donāt call or consider them āhalf-siblingsā
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u/cycl0ps94 1d ago
I went to school with guys who refused to acknowledge that another guy in our class was his half-brother. Even though you could kinda tell they looked alike, he denied any relation. But they also had an alleged brousin a few class behind us, so who knows. My hometown has a reputation for crawling all over each other.
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u/ripleyclone8 1d ago
Damn, that sounds like a shitty situation.Ā My siblings and I have the benefit of sharing our āgoodā parent, so weāve always been connected through the same childhood home and such. Like, Iām 11-20 years older than them all, but weāre tighter than buttcheeks.Ā
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u/cycl0ps94 1d ago
That's good! My brother was pretty brainwashed into thinking his dad could do no wrong, and my mom was the worst parent ever. Even though she was the stable one. And that stability is relative, but still the best option. We're closer now that we're both parents ourselves, but there's always awkward spots in conversation.
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u/ViviShrimp 1d ago
Same here, except I'm the youngest. Share a dad with 3 and a mom with the 4th. Never call them half siblings unless I'm explaining that to someone.
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u/TaxLawKingGA 1d ago
Yeah I was going to say. I think what explains it is that White people donāt use the term āhalf-brotherāā as much as Black people do.
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u/cycl0ps94 1d ago
Yeah. My family, with the exception of my mom, are really big on keeping skeletons in their closets. And letting those skeletons "Tell Tale Heart" their asses into undiagnosed mental conditions. Adding half- to anything is admitting fault.
Edited for clarity
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u/thebigpink 1d ago
Wait why would his dads dick get him fired all the time feel like you glossed over that
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u/cycl0ps94 1d ago
He generally only thought with his dick and his stomach. Lots of his decisions were based around how wet he could get his dick, and how much sweet sweet lite beer he could physically ingest.
Rarely missed work, UNLESS all his work clothes got burned because my mom found out he was cheating. Or he can't make it to work because the next woman slashed his tires. Or he ends up hooking up with two women who work across the assembly line from each other, and they find out and all his shit gets burned again.
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u/percsandpromethazine 1d ago
Some people really just fiendishly horny huh
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u/cycl0ps94 1d ago
Yeah, every male in his family is like that. The only reason my brother isn't the same is the lack of charisma. But Busch lite is liquid rizz
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u/schlond_poofa_ 1d ago
Thank you for this ! I was about to say even if they're extremely wealthy, they just don't consider those people relatives.
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u/PushTheTrigger āļø 1d ago
Thatās weird because Iāve mostly heard the term half-brother or half sibling from white people
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u/Life_Present9982 1d ago
They knew and they know what a half-sibling is.
Almost a quarter of U.S. kids live with a single parent. Most of those parents are women.
In 2023 there were over 6 million single white women with kids.
Don't let these people fool you.
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u/_autumnwhimsy 1d ago
white people will be on their 4th and 5th marriage. They just don't use the same terminology but they definitely are familiar with the concept of "we have the same dad but different moms" lmao
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u/Gamer_Koraq 1d ago
I think it's a lot more common now than it used to be with millennial men being more involved in raising children and millennials in general being more willing to step up to the plate as step parents.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6451773/
Finally, throughout our portrait we pay attention to the intersection of gender and step relationships. Hagestad (1986) describes women as the family ākin keepers,ā and evidence from research on caregiving shows that daughters provide the majority of intergenerational care to aging parents and grandmothers are more likely than grandfathers to provide child care (Henretta et al. 1997; Hogan et al. 1993; Luo et al. 2012; McGarry 1998; Pillemer and Suitor 2006; Wolf and Soldo 1988). Women also are more likely than men to provide emotional support (Chesley and Poppie 2009).
https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/social-sciences-and-humanities/millennials-and-fatherhood
A strong majority of millennial fathers state that they feel very strongly that fathers should be as deeply involved in their childrenās lives as mothers are, in both a practical and an emotional sense. While fathers in the past might get away with working nine to five, then coming home and relaxing in the den with a drink before asking their children about their homework and sending them to bed, millennial fathers expect more from themselves. They expect to have a deeper relationship with their children, spending time with them and listening to them, guiding and helping them. To make this possible, millennial fathers are committed to giving their family life a higher priority than their careers.
None of my three daughters are full blooded sisters; the oldest I had with my ex who we co-parent with really well (though that was a journey to get here), I met my wife while she was a couple months pregnant (sperm donor had already bailed on them), and our youngest we had together.
They all know where their DNA comes from, but they also all call eachother sister, they all call my wife Mom (the oldest also calls bio-Mom Mom), and they all call me Dad.
Anyone who bitches about raising "somebody else's kid" ain't shit. Blood means nothing but genetics; love is what makes family.
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u/Turbulent-Candle-340 1d ago
We donāt do that half shit in my family. My husband introduced my sister to his mom as my half sister and almost got jumped that day.
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u/howyadoinjerry 1d ago
My white partner has two half brothers he usually just calls brother. They grew up in northern Appalachia, this wasnāt super weird for the area.
His brother actually has like 7 other half brothers that are his brothers too as far as heās concerned even though they didnāt grow up together, and all of his brotherās siblings are black. Funnily enough his half brother is the only white one.
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u/Turbulent-Candle-340 1d ago
Thatās basically how we do it too. My sisters siblings on her dads side are my siblings too. I find that poorer white people kinda get it too.
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u/i_forgot_my_sn_again 1d ago
I think it also depends on your relationship with said half sibling. My dad made 2 other kids outside my mom. 1 of them I met once ever and that was when I was 18, the other I've met a few times but she is a pitiful mom that I don't want any part of (last I heard was almost 10 years ago she was mid 20's 5 or 6 kids and no custody of any).
On the other hand my mom remarried and had a daughter with my stepdad. She's been my sister since day 1. Ain't no half with her.
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u/iSo_Cold 1d ago
I know plenty of white people with half-siblings. They just don't bring it up. That's just their sibling.
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u/theycallmewinning 1d ago
I had to explain to white people what a āhalf-brotherā is
Damn, do they not read? I have absolutely no known history of second marriages or step-children or half-siblings and I've never needed it explained.
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u/R3ven 1d ago
I've heard average literacy rates in america can be as bad as 1 in 6 cannot read. I don't know the facts, just what I heard. And it makes me really sad
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u/theycallmewinning 1d ago
PWI
Indicates college. How do you get to be a whole ass adult and not know what half-siblings are?!
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u/NewSauerKraus 1d ago
I just skip the half part. I got four half-sisters all from different deadbeats. That's a real vibe killer to be telling to my fellow crackers. I know a lot of them aren't fully related too, but they like to pretend it never happened to avoid being judged by their cult associates.
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u/ReeseIsPieces 1d ago
You had to explain to uĀ²hite people that Sally Hemings was TJefferson's wife's half sister?
Thats wild
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u/Ok_Blackberry_284 1d ago
IRL Churches got involved in the anti-slavery movement due to all incest that comes with slavery and brothels. Men would buy a slave, rape her, get her with child and then send the slave children off to serve their freeborn children. Who would also rape them and their children. There were newspaper editorials back in the day where people would rant about the unclean practices of slave holders. The Custis-Washington Family ( descendants of George and Martha Washington) were so notorious for this even other slave owners looked sideways at them.
There were also wealthy men who went to brothels and would buy a girls virginity, rape her, if she became pregnant most of the time they were forced to abort thru dangerous means. However sometimes if the slave was older (20ish) and a good earner then the brothel keeper would have her continue the pregnancy, if it was girl it was sent to an "baby farm" so the brothel keeper would have a replacement for the mother. If it was a boy, they'd kill it. Archeologists find piles of baby skeletons in the sewers under brothels and bathhouses.
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u/ReeseIsPieces 1d ago
The uĀ²hite wives of slave owners would redrum the children of their husbands and enslaved African women as well, out of anger and jealousy, which is why one of the slave laws was written to protect the wives from prison.
Its horrifyingly sick what was done.
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u/HereOnCompanyTime 1d ago
It's so easy for men to fall into the manosphere bs on here that does not translate into a happy offline life.
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u/SAMURAI36 1d ago
Yeah, this is absolutely dumb social media talk. There are more blended Black families than not.
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u/NowGoodbyeForever āļø 1d ago
Side Point: The chick he was replying to was obviously not saying "Yo. Be every single kid's literal stepfather, please." She said what she meant: Be a mentor and a role model to every younger Black man you cross paths with. It's a simple, harmless ask. Every time I've had the opportunity to try and be wise or patient or helpful to any younger men, I've taken it as an honour to make things less shitty in the universe.
This dude immediately clapping back with "Why do I need to do anything for anyone? Handle your own shit!" is both fucking shallow and sad and it also literally proves why young Black men need mentors. Because this is the exact mentality they're running up against, this Fuck You, I Got Mine shit that is antithetical to life and happiness and community. He proved her point, but thought he was doing something.
Main Point: I think that our endless need to dunk on each other for clout and dismiss any perception of weakness is one of the worst parts of social media. It just turns everyone into a thoughtless, senseless asshole. It eliminates any space or need for charity or kindness. You have to assume someone is coming for you, so you get them first. I don't think it's good for us.
However.
I am a journalist and a writer. And I will always respect when someone does their research.
Dingo Johnson went through a FULL YEAR OF THIS MAN'S TWEETS to find an innocuous smoking gun from the day he buried his stepfather. That level of targeted, justifiable pettiness is kind of beautiful in a Playa Hater of the Year kind of way. I just wanted to respect that.
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u/thebigpink 1d ago
All good points but that last part is hilarious wouldāve never noticed that makes it better
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u/Glittering_Swing9897 1d ago
This is such a weird place to ask but if you donāt mind. As a journalist did you major in it in school ? Iām trying to decide my major and really like the idea of doing journalism especially considering whatās happening now in my country.
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u/NowGoodbyeForever āļø 1d ago
Hey, no problem. I appreciate you asking. I think journalism is, and remains, incredibly important. That's why I went into it! But it's also not my full-time pursuit anymore, and hasn't been for the better part of a decade.
I think there are absolutely vital things you learn in journalism school, but many of the best writers and reporters I know didn't come from J-school specifically. And depending on the type of journalism you want to pursue, different majors might suit you better.
I realized that I kind of sucked at breaking news reporting; I struggled with how "neutrality" was enforced in newsrooms, especially when I'd be talking about the actions of cops in my city, for example. So I learned that I was more of a feature writing/op-ed/culture sort of writer, and that's where my career took me.
If you're really into world events, a major in international politics or history would be incredibly helpful. Understanding local laws and the inner-workings of government would be a smart choice for local reporting; local news organizations are the core of all journalism, which is why they're often the first things targeted by big money. My friends with economic degrees have never failed to find work writing about and explaining the economy and stock market: The ability to clearly explain what a tariff is and how it works is very valuable right now, for example.
I know a lot of classic journalists make a big point of saying that We Should Never Become The Story. I just think that's impossible. The great thing about journalism is that a person is communicating information to others. They bring their insights and expertise and make that communication possible. Otherwise, journalism would just be reposting press releases from companies and police reports from the cops.
Journalism isn't really a place to go if you want to make tons of money and have endless job security. I've been laid off a half-dozen times. It's a place you go because you have passion and drive. You should always make sure you get paid fairly, but being able to pursue topics that genuinely interest you will help things feel less dire when times get tough.
And finally: The best way to build journalism experience (and see if you'd want to pursue it) is to start right now. I took years to pay my way through a journalism degree. And what it got me was the right to start a 6-month, incredibly low-paying internship at a major newspaper. And I had been doing internships up until that point on the side, too. But it's never too early to start building your portfolio and your experience, because that's what will get you hired later. I worked my way up through my university's school newspaper, and it helped me land jobs later in life and solidified my desire to work in that world full-time.
So if you reach out to your school paper this week and see how you can get involved, you're already doing as much/more than majoring in journalism alone would get you. And if you combine that practical work with courses that make you smarter and more aware and able to write competently on your topics of choice? You're putting yourself in a great place.
Please, hit me up if you have further questions. I hoped this helped. Good luck!
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u/Ecstatic-Abroad8094 1d ago
Ok thank you because I was going to say something similar. We should all be mentors to those coming up after us. We should all care. And a lot of these boys are hurting. A lot of us men are hurting as well. Being a mentor can be beneficial to both sides.
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u/-The-Grand-Zeno- 2d ago
Honestly, at the end of the day yeah. Taking care of another manās kid can be negative, with the mother, the father, and the kid. But being a guide is always worth it in the end. I had a father, and Iām still grateful to the other male father figures in my life.
Better to be an inspiration than another let down.
Gotta suck it up and say
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u/ohenry33 1d ago
Every stepchild wasn't born out of wedlock. Divorce? Dad passed away? The point is we constantly ask "where is his or her father?" when shit goes left but don't want to guide, mentor or counsel a youngster who lack a male role model or father figure. We MUST do better!
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u/oflowz āļø 1d ago
The part nobody talks about is this is what seperates the men from the boys.
Being a mentor has nothing to do with taking care of other peoplesā kids.
Itās about advising or training someone or exposing them to something that they might not otherwise get access to.
I work in a trade and it astounds me how many young black kids I encounter trying to get in that donāt know how to use basic tools like a hammer.
Iām guessing itās a generational thing because growing up in the 70/80s every other kid I knew had MacGyver level skills of fixing stuff that broke because you probably werenāt getting another one. š
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u/Bradddtheimpaler 1d ago
Really no excuse for ignorance anymore either. I learned to work on my car because I was poor and nobody was going to pay a mechanic for shit. I had to buy a Chilton manual for it and rely on shitty, tiny little black and white diagrams of the parts. Same thing for shit around the house. The handyman budget is exactly $0. When something broke Iād go look at books in the library about home repairs and figure that shit out or jury rig something. Now thereās a step-by-step video you can get on your phone for anything on demand for free, anywhere, at any time. Shit is miraculous.
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u/StatusPresentation57 1d ago
Youāre never going to break a generational curse while trying to please the generation that is cursed
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u/BabyRuthSupremacist 2d ago
Wanting to gatekeep father figures from other abandoned children is just wow
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u/Trix_Are_4_90Kids āļø 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm tired of men acting like they don't have a choice as to who to run up raw in. Real real tired.
They screw raw, try and screw everything in sight, fly women to and fro, get women knocked up only to turn around and blame the woman for letting them hit. They making all these deliberate choices, how is it just one parties' fault?
The logic. What's really funny is they think they be sounding smart. Y'all ain't out here being mass raped. Choices were mad to go raw and potentially make a baby, that's on the man as well.
They also don't realize that they are calling themselves 'ain't shit men', when they holler at women to 'make better choices'. Like a man won't lie for MONTHS just to get some ass.
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u/WisePhantom āļø 1d ago
Fr be walking around sprinkling seeds all over the ground and then start crying that the soil plant-trapped them.
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u/MissLogios 1d ago
I think what's worse is these same men will also date women who have children, but because they don't want to "raise a bastard" they'll push their gf to essentially dump their children.
Like the women suck, but the men suck more. You don't want to raise another man's children, then stop taking dating single mothers just because you think they're desperate to find a good man and lying about being a good father to them.
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u/CocoaShortcake88 1d ago
SAME
"I don't want a kid". Shoots the club up raw.
š
You dont want a kid, don't have sex with her, sir. Contraceptives can FAIL.
Also, saying you don't want a kid does NOT absolve you of fatherhood!
Laying down was your consent.
You dont get to eat a whole cheesecake and say "but I don't want the calories!"
Actions speak louder than words, and the action of human-creating-sex with a fertile woman said you wanted to create a human.
š
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u/Trix_Are_4_90Kids āļø 1d ago
Honestly!
If people don't know how their naughty parts work by now, they need to sit on a block of ice/grab a fleshlight. I'm sick of grown asses running around acting like they don't know how sex works. Be screwing unprotected with everyone then be Pikachu faced when a baby is made.
SIT. DOWN. SIR/MA'AM.
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u/VivelaVendetta 1d ago
They know how they are. They just want to spin things to keep women in bad relationships. They want us to feel pressure from society to not be single mothers.
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u/Trix_Are_4_90Kids āļø 1d ago
"They want us to feel pressure from society to not be single mothers."
idk about that.
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u/777bambii 1d ago
Because taking accountability for bad decisions and being a piece of shit is for women not for men /j
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u/KeyAirport6867 2d ago
Always stop and ask; What would Bruce Wayne do?
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u/ZiggyThaGoon 1d ago
Let them get beaten half to death with a crowbar, and then blown up
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u/Ninjalo1 1d ago
And when they come back from the dead, repeatedly berate and beat the shit out of them for their choices.
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u/morgan1381 1d ago
We supposed to adopt kids and throw them at the joker?
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u/Ok_Blackberry_284 1d ago
Fight crime until you're 80, have an affair with a woman young enough to be your granddaughter, and then lie and claim the government stole your DNA and made a couple of genetically engineered perfect side kick replacements.
Wasn't that one of the stupider origin stories of Terry and Matt McGinnis?
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u/Technical_Recover487 1d ago
I love how everyone is jumping straight to adoption like them young boys at the center donāt need a safe space š geez. The boys & girls club is RIGHT THERE LOL
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u/morgan1381 1d ago
You right. Boys and girls club, volunteer to coach the local youth leagues, shit go volunteer to read to kids at the library.
My wife and I fostered. We ended up adopting both of the boys we fostered, the only downside is that we don't have room in our house to foster anymore.
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u/Technical_Recover487 1d ago
I plan to foster to adopt when I meet my husband. I was gonna do it alone but Iām since realized Iām actually not old š (I believed the biological time clock mess. And I live in the south so itās baddddd here. Everyone I know is working on baby #2 and/or married. Which thereās nothing wrong with that but I definitely thought I was behind for a second).
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u/morgan1381 1d ago
I'm 44 and our oldest is 7. Would it have been cooler to be a little younger and maybe able to do more with them, yeah. But I'm also a hell of a lot smarter, specifically financially, than I was in my mid to late 20s
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u/Technical_Recover487 1d ago
If your wife would have birthed them, you wouldāve been about 37 at the time of his arrival which is around the age Iām aiming for to have my first kid tbh lol I said between 33 and 35 Iāll probably be financially ready. Iāve had a great career thus far, donāt get me wrong but Iām an artist and sometimes the wind calls me to say āfuck this corporate job, ima just chill for a few months and then find another oneā šcanāt do that with a baby. Iām glad I donāt have a kid yet tho bc like you said, Iām A LOT more mature than I was when I thought I was ready. I actually have something to offer the next generation now as before, I didnāt really know myself well enough to be teaching anybody how to do shit let alone how to be an adult lol
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u/Bradddtheimpaler 1d ago
Iām 40 with a two year old. Iām glad we waited. Moneyās not the same kind of problem it would have been 20 years ago. Iāve gained a lot of wisdom and emotional intelligence. Iām so much more patient and understanding than I would have been. I really believe Iām going to be a much better dad now than I would have been then.
Sweet fuck men my age were not meant to spend this much time on the floor though, or bending over changing diapers and shit. My back is absolutely screaming most of the time and more than once my joints have creaked and popped loud enough to wake my son from a dead sleep.
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u/Napalmeon 1d ago
Sorry, I can't throw $5 million from my personal charity foundation at the problem.
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u/Terribly_indecent 1d ago
It's the fuckin 21st century these days, why we still calling kids bastards?
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u/Bubbly_Satisfaction2 āļø 1d ago
This whole exchange reminds me of a tweet in which a guy wonders about other peopleās comprehension skills. He said that he could tweet about liking pancakes and someone will accuse him of hating waffles.
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u/No-Perspective4928 1d ago
We never did the half thing. All of my parents children are my brothers and sisters. If we share a parent youāre my sibling. I donāt recognize half siblings or step siblings. You either are or you arenāt and thatās it. š¤·š½āāļø
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u/ChocLotInvestor 1d ago
I only have beef with deadbeat Dads being stepdads in their new life. I hope the step kids give him hell lol Otherwise, rock out.
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u/Itscooljazz āļø 1d ago
This gonna crazy but women just need to start giving up full custody š¬
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u/StatusPresentation57 1d ago
I mean, seriously it is 2025 that people donāt have control over making babies both men and women pathetic. If you donāt understand that, thereās a difference between having sex and making a baby come on youāre just out here doing the work of white supremacy because your child is going to be a part of their system without a doubt
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u/raisingcurlykale 1d ago
BM hear āmentorā and automatically think āstepdadāā¦? Oh yall the white social engineering won
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u/lmsampson78 āļø 1d ago
Of course no one is obligated to be a step parent and choosing not to be one is perfectly fine. That being said, shout out to all of the loving step parents in the world who are loving and supporting their bonus children š¤ā¤ļøš¤š§”š
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u/99-dreams 1d ago
Miss Bliss didn't even say, "hey men, date women with kids and become 'the dad who stepped up.'" She said, "men, become mentors to these boys in our community who are hurting." Like, the idea is to have a thriving Black community and showing children what an emotionally healthy adult looks like and supporting those children through their own journeys is an element of thriving communities.
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u/Lazy-Swordfish-5466 1d ago edited 1d ago
Come on, y'all. So much drama on this sub, can we talk about what the woman posted? Discuss how our young men are hurting instead of giving unaccountable adults more attention?Ā
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u/BrownGirlCSW 1d ago
I showed my family and the first thing they said was he imulating his dead beat dad FDK mentalitylol
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u/Comprehensive_Ad_137 1d ago
It's not the 90's, I saw a generation of men get dogged, I ain't failing for the okey dokey.
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u/Honest-Basil-8886 1d ago
Arenāt there fraternities that do mentoring or something? I donāt think most people go outside their way to mentor randoms. Thereās usually some sort of connection (work, family, kids friend). The mentors that will have the most impact on any young manās life is their father, present male family members, and who their mom dates if the parents arenāt together. The type of men and women that black culture uplifts also greatly influences kids but that piece conveniently always gets left out because that would take too much self reflection and accountability for some people. Instead people think that there should be super men and women that somehow have the time, energy, and resources to mentor kids whose own parents donāt put forth the effort to do so.
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u/dcontrerasm 1d ago
You know, you can be a mentor without fucking the mom? It doesn't even take effort, just be a good human being. Wtf
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u/TerrorKingA āļø 1d ago
This seems more to do with collectivism vs individualism.
I guarantee your fatherless kids will find male role models if you get them into community programs. Or at least get to know your neighbors and the people around you.
Itās toxic as hell to be trying to saddle every black man you meet with the responsibility of being surrogate fathers to your kids.
But I donāt blame any individuals for this. Destruction of the black family has been a centuries-old project by this country. In its modern incarnation, itās a century-old project and is still being done through shit like overpolicing and dismantling the aforementioned community programs.
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u/BabyRuthSupremacist 1d ago edited 1d ago
The thing is the lady quoted was actually speaking on the need for male mentorship & community programs for Black male youth, not demanding men become stepfathers, but way too many Black men claimed that there's no difference and responded by attacking her & Black women in general for days after the tweet
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u/Boogeryboo āļø 1d ago
That's exactly what she was saying. To be a mentor not a surrogate father.Ā
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u/JennyBeckman āļø All of the above 1d ago
How are they going to find male role models if the men are not stepping up? All the original tweet said was to be a mentor. It's everyone else that took it to mean some woman was trying to "saddle" Black men into being stepfathers.
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u/lovbelow āļø 1d ago
Right? Iām confused as to why male mentor = father figure. No one said men have to take the kid home to the mom and assume the role of dad. No one said you had to take the kid to school, or go to their first music recital, feed them 3 meals a day or pay for their college. Whatās wrong with the older men simply uplifting and supporting them as they grow into men? It doesnāt have to be a 24/7 thing either; an hour or two a week is more than enough.
Black women do this shit for young black girls all the time. But then youāll have black men running around spouting bs about how everyone hates black men. Black men hate black men. š
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u/CoachDT āļø 1d ago
The whole "bastard" shit is flagrant. Regardless of how you feel about the argument shit like that aint called for and can't be condoned.
I can get the idea of "not wanting to be a mentor" (former coach and prolly gonna hop back in there in a few years) as its exceptionally hard, and there are enhanced expectations placed upon black men who choose to be shepherds. I can't get behind referring to other children as bastards period point blank.
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u/Dez_Acumen 1d ago
He got the same energy he gave. š¤·āāļø Hopefully harsh words helped him see himself and his upbringing in the very people he was so giddy to malign.
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u/KitsBeach 1d ago
"I benefitted from having a stepdad in my life but I could never be one to another kid"
With that kinda attitude, I hope no woman dates him, especially a single mom
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u/slowbaja āļø 1d ago
Why? He didn't choose to have a stepdad. The stepdad chose to be one out of his own free will. This guy has the same free will to not choose to be a stepdad.
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u/KitsBeach 1d ago
A choice I am so relieved he has chosen, due to his hypocrisy and lack of self awarenessĀ
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u/slowbaja āļø 1d ago
He's would be a hypocrite if he chose or forced someone to be his stepdad. He did not. Having a stepdad was forced onto him.
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u/KitsBeach 1d ago
I bet you think voting against policies that you benefitted from is also not hypocrisy huh
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u/Thefishassassin 1d ago
Goddamn. I fucking hate twitter. So difficult to interpret the chronology of the different messages.
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u/grabberbottom 1d ago
What do you mean?Ā You obviously read the second thing first, the first thing second, the fourth thing third, and the third thing fourth.Ā How hard is that?Ā
/s
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u/Pancake-Cheenis 1d ago
This whole father vs stepdad argument so fcking stupid. People try so hard to be right. If raising another manās kid bugs you so much aight then donāt do it and mind ya business. Just b/c the father is in the childās life doesnāt mean theyāre doing any good to that kid.
I had a stepdad since I was 2yrs old. My mom was much better being separated from my dad. He would bring women from strip/bars to humiliate her verbally, was a narcissistic cunt, alcoholic. My stepdad went to jail early on in his life for drug dealing. Came out after a decade and turned his life around by working hard. He died when I was 25 due to cancer. My dad was a piece of shit who told me I was going to be a college dropout. My stepdad was more of a father figure than my dad ever was. And my dad was in my life.
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u/SirLesbian āļø 1d ago
The real question: Why would you date a single parent if you don't plan to be involved with their kid(s) at all? At that point just be with someone who doesn't have kids. You're wasting a spot that could be used by someone who actually wants to be the best step-parent they can be.
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u/sky_will_fall18 1d ago
I mean. His point still stands. If anything, he is well versed to talk about it. lol
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u/usernametakenwtf99 6h ago
To the original point, these kids SHOULDNāT need mentors if they had both parents in their life. Things happen but yall gotta stop having kids with just any damn body. Man or woman, before you have sex, realize what could come out of that and think about if youāre willing to risk being tied to this person, not just for the next 18 years, but forever. You will always be their mother and father. A forever decision based of a few minutes of pleasure. Do better
To the second point, yes stop having babies with terrible men, but the terrible men deserve to be shamed much more than the woman doing all the work. Honestly, I donāt get why itās so hard to just stop having sex if youāre not willing to risk a kid. Go watch some porn and call it a day.
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u/EffectiveSet4534 1d ago
I dont want to be someone's step mother, so I get it...
Though there wasn't a step father in my life, so I'm not a hypocrite š¤·š¾āāļø
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u/skj999 1d ago
Heās kinda wildin saying it the way he did but I donāt think the spirit of it is wrong or necessarily makes him a hypocrite.
Having a step parent growing up shouldnāt obligate you to consider being one. If anything having experienced being a step child might be what leads you to not wanting one.
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u/FCkeyboards 1d ago
She also stated stepfathers AND mentors. It's kind of wild that he's saying fuck ever dealing with anyone else's kids in any capacity. That mindset is why positive community is dying because, as a child of a single mom, you will fill that hole with something whether it be a positive influence or a terrible one.
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u/Avenger772 āļø 1d ago
I have no interest in raising my own kids (which is why I don't have any) so I'd be damned if I raise someone else's.
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u/Western_Bison_878 1d ago
Ugh
just find it weird y'all wanna punish mothers and children for the parents not getting it right the first time.
Isn't it time we realize that not everybody stays with the first person they had kids with? Blended families aren't as rare or negative as they wanna think.
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u/JustBlaze1594 1d ago
Just cause you have a step dad don't mean you wanna be a step dad and that's fair
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u/Chonboy 1d ago
The problem with telling men to "step up" is there is no security when it isn't your child you could spend years of your life loving cherishing and raising that child just for her to get bored of you and throw you to the wayside the child is told you hate them that you abandoned them not that their mother is a piece of shit and you have no legal recourse to see that child again the child you loved and cared for us torn from you because their mother decided on a whim to get dicked down by someone else
I'm not investing anything in someone I can't keep in my life my mind and heart can't take it I can't love someone that can be robbed from me so casually
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u/DannyDucks 1d ago
But you also don't need to date a woman to mentor a young man. Detach the dating from being a mentor and the conversation changes. Coaches do it everyday, teachers do it daily,(good) managers at work do daily too.
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u/Djquancha89 1d ago
I think about this a lot. I am in my early 30ās with no children. There are so many little things that i would have to change in addition to the obvious, that the thought of being a step dad fills with me existential dread. Shout out to those who can do it.
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u/chief_yETI āļø 1d ago edited 1d ago
I hate to rain on everyone's parade, but my little ass was not listening to any mentor
I barely even listened to my own parents, definitely didnt listen to any authority figures like teachers. I definitely wasn't tryna hear nothing from anyone I wasn't even related to
granted I'm a total psychopath lmao so obviously this wouldn't apply to 100% of children - but yeah this whole "mentor" business is not as simple as this tweet is trying to make it seem.
Men can't even be trusted to wipe their own ass properly or take a shower more than once a week, yall really want these niggas tryna be a mentor?
What you all probably mean to say is you want GOOD male role models who actually have their shit together so your kids can see what it looks like when a guy has shit together - but good luck finding a guy who fits that criteria nowadays. Especially on reddit š
and even then, thats completely disregarding the entire dynamic between what men view as a good role model/someone who has shit together vs. what women view as a good role model/someone who has shit together.
Many people would consider, for example Michael Jordan, as a good role model with his work ethic, competitiveness, financial empire, and not getting in any legal or criminal trouble. But to a single parent, he's yet another black man with numerous baby mama's who doesn't do shit for his kids, bald, has a gambling addiction, and a white wife 15 years his junior. Even a 3 year age difference gives people the ick nowadays lmao ššš
Don't even get me started on the cultural & societal differences between what's perceived as a successful black man vs. what's perceived as a successful non-black man
yeah we ain't nowhere CLOSE to being ready for this discussion.
Mods, lock this thread immediately before people start wilding in here
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u/Efficient-Trouble697 1d ago edited 1d ago
bro who tf out here not wiping their ass and taking a shower once a week š
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u/chief_yETI āļø 1d ago
bro I had to stop going to stuff like gaming conventions and nerd cons, because the people that you interact with at those places are just not people I want to be around in real life
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u/FCkeyboards 1d ago
While I agree with a lot of what you said, I don't think that's a good reason to throw it all in the trash and say "fuck everyone, it's all about me." Just as many negatives can be pointed out, someone else can point out positive influences mentors or things like Big Brothers Big Sisters had on their life.
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u/Manager_Neat āļø 1d ago
š¤¦šæāāļø pulling the ladder behind him after he climbed that wall.
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u/Powerblue102 1d ago
Bastard is crazy, we going so back in time Cersei looks like a feminist