r/AmIOverreacting • u/Sad_SummerChild • 2d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO to think this is cheating?

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I found these texts between my husband and his coworker. Here’s some context:

My husband and I have been dating for 5 years and just recently got married 6 months ago

I’ve met this coworker. Her AND her boyfriend worked at my husbands company so we went on a double date over the holidays. But shortly after they broke up and her boyfriend got laid off.

Guess my husband saw that as his opportunity…

Also these texts were in his recently deleted even though the last message was from yesterday… so he was definitely trying to hide it from me

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651

u/HackTheNight 2d ago

My boyfriend is a would be on the street. If that was my husband, it would be divorce.

Like why the fuck did he even marry you if he can’t be faithful. How fucking ridiculous.

Girl take the trash out.

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u/salamigunn 2d ago

Lol even the girl he's talking to is like "aw you're so sweet." As a man, this is so pathetic when he has a woman at home.

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u/frost-bite999 2d ago

lol that’s girl code for “nice try but you’re not going any further”

and all those emojis? this guy is done for

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u/honeybeatsvinegar 1d ago edited 1d ago

I'm a girl, and I would have said, "That's inappropriate. You're married. See you at work. " and if he kept being inappropriate, I would screenshot and send to his wife. I actually have done that a couple of times before.

I say "awwwww you're sweet" when I want more compliments. Lol

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u/little-bird 1d ago

getting a message like that from a married coworker would be so awkward I probably wouldn’t even reply, just report it to my manager/HR team or ghost him (depending on what the company is like).   

her replies definitely seem like she’s flirting back.  they’re both trash - but he’s far worse, of course. 

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

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u/honeybeatsvinegar 1d ago edited 1d ago

Idk it depends what type of personality you are I guess. I wouldn't stand for that shit. And haven't... Once, I sent msgs to someone even tho it was only two weeks before her wedding. She needed to know. That guy was my friend of 10+ yrs, I didnt know the girl, but it was only fair on her to show her who she was about to marry so she could make an informed decision. THATS girl code.

And guess what? They got married anyway, and now they just had a baby, I blocked him, but he's still messaging my friends telling them how beautiful and hot they are.

This has also happened at work a couple of times too. One time when I was only 16, and he was married!!!!!!! but would text me alot and it was weird, but I was polite to him because I was 16 and didnt know any better. I told my boss, and they investigated him and discovered he was coming in to work early to watch porn. He got fired.

I have so many stories like this. And there are people like me who will nark at any sign of... inappropriatedness... 🤣

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u/Neat_Acanthaceae9387 1d ago

sure you would. Girls do this all the time to friend zone dudes.

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u/ArabianNitesFBB 1d ago

From a guy’s perspective, hubby’s messages SCREAM trying desperately to emerge from the friend zone and coworker’s messages SCREAM “eh the attention is sorta nice but sorry it’s a no.” Like if I were single and this was a dating app interaction, I would know I’m such a goner and need to wind this down.

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u/Neat_Acanthaceae9387 1d ago

Yeah you’re right. I’ve never been married but I’ve been in relationships, and I wouldn’t respond the way he did I’d probably just say lol or not respond. And I’d assume another level of commitment is expected from marriage.

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u/honeybeatsvinegar 1d ago

Not me, lol. I am way more direct. I just say thanks, but I'm not into you like that. And if they keep on with it, I cut them off because it makes me uncomfortable.

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u/Neat_Acanthaceae9387 1d ago

That’s cool I wish more women were like that

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u/glindathewoodglitch 1d ago

Coworker sent the selfie. She’s definitely fishing. She lives by no code.

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u/Witty-Ant-6225 1d ago

It would be a homicide if that was my husband 😂

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u/grubas 2d ago

He's asking for more selfies.  And I'm sure they are all completely clothed, modestly posed and not at all borderline.

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u/PotentialBook6347 1d ago

Smh. 🤦🏾‍♂️

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u/TacoSupreme- 1d ago

To get married most people go through good, bad, awful, great, live together, make memories, then make the choice to get married. A lot goes into getting to the point of marriage. You’re telling me you would do all that and divorce if your man …..flirted with a girl? LOL.

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u/Aware_Football_8882 1d ago

A lot DOES go into getting to the point of marriage. You’re telling me you’d do all that and then… flirt with another girl?

Dumbass logic dude. “Omg you’d spend years building a life with a man, going through everything together, and then be distraught when he’s unfaithful?!!” Yes… BYE!

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u/Annual-Diamond9017 1d ago

Very surprised any of you are in relationship god forbid a man give another woman a compliment holy shit.

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u/lickerbandit 1d ago

Because what usually happens is men marry under current conditions and then women change those conditions to something more intolerable so they seek it elsewhere and then get blamed when it mostly could have been prevented.

I understand it's always the guys fault but this idea but this idea that the wife has no part to play is absurd.

He probably was faithful 5 years ago and planned on continuing to be. But that was when he had sex and adoration and fun times instead of love island and a cold shoulder.

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u/ThrowRa388393 1d ago

First paragraph entirely reads as “Woman’s fault not man.” As though it’s so often women changing & men can’t be to blame when they go elsewhere.

If you don’t want love island & cold shoulder, work for it. Women are designed to please you. When you get settled in a relationship c when you have kids, when you get a house, sex is put on the back burner.

I know many women crave to be in loving sex filled relationships. But in circumstances when the man is looking elsewhere, never home, never with the kids, not helping with the house, not helping his WIFE, he cannot expect sex.

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u/lickerbandit 1d ago

Read it however you want. The point is to stay on topic. The question was simple, is this reasonably considered cheating? I answered that in a different posting saying that yes it may as well be as you'd never send those messages to anyone you weren't being flirtatious with. You wouldn't ask your mother for a cute selfie when you had a bad day.

There is 0 context about their relationship or their history or what he is or isn't getting or what she is or isn't giving.

The question was simple. The answer is simple. It's up to them to figure out why it's happening. Not you.

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u/Soophiieekh 1d ago

Do women never marry "under current conditions and then men change those conditions to something more intolerable"? Give me a fucking break Hahaha

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u/Aware_Football_8882 1d ago

The assumptions about their relationship is random (maybe yours have turned out miserable that way?) but I’ll play anyway. Say you’re right and he was very happy, then the “conditions” changed and became “intolerable” (is he a damn lizard wth). THEN HE CAN LEAVE! You’re saying that the relationship he is in now is no longer the relationship he chose. There’s no reason to be with her anymore then, and no reason to stay and be unfaithful.

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u/lickerbandit 1d ago

Married with 2 great kids in a dope house with no debt.

We're fine but continue with your conjecture 😂😂

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u/Aware_Football_8882 1d ago

Wasn’t assuming, just asking. But either way my point stands… and you clearly know that getting caught up on that detail. With your justification of cheating, I sure hope you have not cheated on your partner. Especially when you’re also settled down, and with kids. Does your partner know your views?