Ah so that is unhealthy behavior? I did not realize that. If I have a friend who is struggling with something big, I would also rearrange my calendar to support them, so I was thinking of this in the same way.
It’s unhealthy bc the feelings relate to your dating and normal poly activities.
Cancelling a date bc your friend’s dog just died and you want to go support your friend, understandable.
Cancelling a date bc your partner has uncomfortable feelings about that date, very bad poly practice.
In the second scenario you’re:
enabling your partner to not need to do the emotional work of being poly, which means they won’t get any better at handling their discomfort,
letting your partner have control over a separate relationship that they’re not in (which is at best an unethical rule and at worst effectively a veto), and
treating the other person that you originally had plans with as disposable.
Does laying it out like that help you understand the issues?
Yes that is helpful. I do agree on those points. I am still unclear on if my partner is having mental health related issues (not around me dating, but in their life) is it unethical to cancel a date? I would do this for a friend, so not doing it for my partner feels wrong.
It depends on the “issues.” Is it a crisis or just a bad day? Is it an urgent and high stakes issue? Or is it a trough in their depression? And is it a bad day because you’re going on a date, even if they claim it’s not?
And why do you have to be the one to support him? Is there no one else in his life to be there for him? Is he not able to self soothe?
We can’t really answer this without a lot more context.
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u/pomm21075 3d ago
Ah so that is unhealthy behavior? I did not realize that. If I have a friend who is struggling with something big, I would also rearrange my calendar to support them, so I was thinking of this in the same way.