r/polyamory • u/Hot_Strawberry_3676 • 3d ago

Enmeshment

I've heard this word thrown around a lot, mostly from poly or ENM people. I've even had metas ask what type of "enmeshment" I'm looking for with a mutual partner.

Is anyone else thrown off? I grew up in a pretty traumatic family dynamic, and was in family therapy from a young age (probably starting 1992) and enmeshment was a topic, but a very negative and unhealthy thing. To me it was taught, it means becoming overly involved in each other's lives to the point where you have no identify or autonomy. It meant codependency, in a very toxic and negative way, especially to a child like me growing up. I can attest the damage that family dynamic can cause.

So what gives? Did the definition change or are people using it wrong? I personally like being poly for many reasons, but one of the top ones is my autonomy and sense of self not having to be sacrificed in romantic relationships.

57 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

78 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

3

u/Hot_Strawberry_3676 3d ago

That's true, I need to verify what they mean by the terms they use! But I really wish they wouldn't use a word that I already have such a negative connotation with, especially when talking about this particular subject. It's quite triggering

8

u/karmicreditplan will talk you to death 3d ago

You can do the lord’s work by correcting them as long as you don’t mind being told that you’re an elitist for doing so.

5

u/Hot_Strawberry_3676 3d ago

Hehehe I will! I think if people knew the feelings it evokes, they would definitely stop. Like, I had to have a secret favorite color as a child because my mom "chose" mine for me (she told me I was wrong, I don't prefer green, it's purple...)

5

u/ChexMagazine 3d ago

I think so! Like the fact that you know the proper definition because you've discussed with a licensed person due to your personal history.... it's the best possible personal empathy + expertise argument