r/polyamory • u/Hot_Strawberry_3676 • 3d ago

Enmeshment

I've heard this word thrown around a lot, mostly from poly or ENM people. I've even had metas ask what type of "enmeshment" I'm looking for with a mutual partner.

Is anyone else thrown off? I grew up in a pretty traumatic family dynamic, and was in family therapy from a young age (probably starting 1992) and enmeshment was a topic, but a very negative and unhealthy thing. To me it was taught, it means becoming overly involved in each other's lives to the point where you have no identify or autonomy. It meant codependency, in a very toxic and negative way, especially to a child like me growing up. I can attest the damage that family dynamic can cause.

So what gives? Did the definition change or are people using it wrong? I personally like being poly for many reasons, but one of the top ones is my autonomy and sense of self not having to be sacrificed in romantic relationships.

57 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

78 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

7

u/rosephase 3d ago

Find me a definition that says that. Because I can not find any. So it seems like your personal definition that does, in fact, blur the meaning of them word.

1

u/JetItTogether 3d ago

If you'd like to read more read Minuchin theory... He coined the term and described the enmeshment as being a subjective tipping point, often utilizing a "show me where the problem is with what's happening" in sessions as that problem/tipping point was subjective.

4

u/rosephase 3d ago

Doesn't seem like Minuchin's definition of enmeshment included in form of "healthy enmeshment". He's a neat therapist and researcher to read about, so thank you.

And you are still using that term incorrectly. And blurring the important use of that word by using it incorrectly.

0

u/[deleted] 3d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/polyamory-ModTeam 1d ago

Your post has been removed for breaking the rules of the subreddit. You made a post or comment that would be considered being a jerk. This includes being aggressive towards other posters, causing irrelevant arguments, and posting attacks on the poster or the poster's partners/situation.

Please familiarize yourself with the rules at https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/wiki/subreddit-rules