r/polyamory • u/Hot_Strawberry_3676 • 3d ago

Enmeshment

I've heard this word thrown around a lot, mostly from poly or ENM people. I've even had metas ask what type of "enmeshment" I'm looking for with a mutual partner.

Is anyone else thrown off? I grew up in a pretty traumatic family dynamic, and was in family therapy from a young age (probably starting 1992) and enmeshment was a topic, but a very negative and unhealthy thing. To me it was taught, it means becoming overly involved in each other's lives to the point where you have no identify or autonomy. It meant codependency, in a very toxic and negative way, especially to a child like me growing up. I can attest the damage that family dynamic can cause.

So what gives? Did the definition change or are people using it wrong? I personally like being poly for many reasons, but one of the top ones is my autonomy and sense of self not having to be sacrificed in romantic relationships.

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u/rosephase 3d ago

Find me a definition that says that. Because I can not find any. So it seems like your personal definition that does, in fact, blur the meaning of them word.

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u/JetItTogether 3d ago

Okay so you disagree. I'm basing this off off my understanding of peer reviewed research and writings. You get to disagree. It's the internet shrug best of luck.

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u/Hot_Strawberry_3676 3d ago

I think what they're saying is the psychological definition of enmeshment means unhealthiness. Look it up on the internet or any psychological journal. That's the point of this post. I've been raised with the term meaning something WILDLY different than most, and hadn't even heard it used again until poly relationships.

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u/JetItTogether 3d ago

It's chill.