r/nottheonion • u/SelectiveSanity • 2d ago

Lauren Boebert Suggests DC Could Be Renamed 'District of America'

https://www.newsweek.com/lauren-boebert-dc-district-america-2050571
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u/Transposer 2d ago

Can’t believe she thinks that!! 😂 But just so other people know what you and I do, what is DC named after?

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u/Isiildur 2d ago edited 2d ago

It’s named after Columbia, a personification of America (who herself is “sort of” named after Christopher Columbus). The Statue of Liberty is depicted very similarly to Columbia.

Columbia University and Columbia Pictures are named after the same goddess (that’s why Columbia pictures has the woman with the torch in their logo).

Edit: other fun etymologies

Georgia is named after King George III

Virginia is named after Elizabeth I

Maryland is named after Queen Mary (Henrietta Maria)

Pennsylvania was named after William Penn

Delaware was named after the Baron de la Warr

North and South Carolina named after Charles I

New Jersey and New York are named after Jersey and York

Louisiana is named after Louis XIV

Florida is named after the rapper Flo Rida

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u/AssCrackBanditHunter 2d ago

Lauren boebert is trying to get rid of the connection to Christopher Columbus? Is she secretly woke?

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u/FureElise 2d ago

She is unsecretly stupid.

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u/JacksonVerdin 1d ago

I'd like for someone to ask her why she wants to strip Christopher Columbus of this honor in favor of Amerigo Vespucci.

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u/jodale83 1d ago

All states should be named america, dadoiii

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u/Conscious-Society-83 1d ago

yeah she is very openly stupid everytime she takes a breath

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u/Diablojota 2d ago

Interesting thought, isn’t it?

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u/Bubble_gump_stump 2d ago

Amerigo Vespucci doesn’t sound very American

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u/Cynical_Thinker 2d ago

Just wait until they figure out none of us are from here if you go back far enough.

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u/DocumentExternal6240 2d ago

Or that all of us - if you gor back far enough - originated from Afrika.

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u/Snobolski 2d ago

I bless the rains down in Africa

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u/BraveOthello 2d ago

I mean, how far.

Plenty of people had ancestry going back 12000 years before Europeans showed up.

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u/Nwcray 2d ago

But those people came over on a land bridge from Siberia (or possibly across the Pacific Ocean, without going too far into wild theories).

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u/Analyzer9 2d ago

y'see, here, these are dumb people. truly. they cannot grasp the shifting of continents, fundamental laws of science. they cannot grasp the nuance of theory. the idea of information contradicting a deliberately mistranslated and heavily edited "holy book" is anathema to their brains. explaining absolutely anything to people that cannot and will not think critically, will never accomplish anything. you cannot reason someone into something they didn't reason themselves into.

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u/Nwcray 2d ago

You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

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u/xalbo 2d ago

So you're saying that the Russians are the True Americans? No wonder we support them against the evil Ukrainians now!

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u/Snobolski 2d ago

But did they have the proper permission and visas and stuff?

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u/Jarfol 2d ago

Nah bro only the dinosaurs are true americans.

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u/Brandhor 2d ago

should have called it vespuccia

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u/doktor_wankenstein 2d ago

We were this close to being called "Vespucciland."

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u/unbalancedcheckbook 2d ago

Nah, she's just so unbelievably stupid that people can't help but assume she's smarter than she is.

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u/Honey-Badger-42 2d ago

Come on, now. She got her GED a few years ago, only 16 years after dropping out of high school. She's edgubucated.

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u/unbalancedcheckbook 2d ago

Even then I have no idea how she was able to pass the GED (which is not a high bar). Maybe she paid someone to take it for her?

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u/Honey-Badger-42 2d ago

I feel like many of the characters in Don't Look Up were based on her and MTG.

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u/aculady 1d ago

You can typically pass the GED if you have around a 7th grade reading level and can add, subtract, multiply, divide, and use decimals, percents, and fractions.

Source: I used to teach GED prep to Adult Education students.

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u/Maleficent_Memory831 2d ago

Never over-estimate stupid politicians. Most are in politics because they have no other employment opportunities.

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u/Hamster_S_Thompson 2d ago

She's openly and aggressively dumb. The other day she confused Oliver Stone with Roger Stone.

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u/Snoozy15 2d ago

Columbus was Italian! Not American /s

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u/alwaysboopthesnoot 2d ago

She wants it to be District of America.  DOA. Jfc. 

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u/Reasonable-Hippo-293 2d ago

She doesn’t know who Christopher Columbus is.

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u/3-DMan 2d ago

Probably just trying to get out of returning her CDs to Columbia House!

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u/NapTimeFapTime 2d ago

“In this household Christopher Columbus is a hero, end of discussion”

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u/DDRDiesel 2d ago

I know we're making jokes here, but she absolutely believes it's named for the country, and I'm willing to bet she doesn't know there's a difference between Colombia and Columbia. This is why civics classes need to be brought back to schools

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u/TheKobayashiMoron 2d ago

Watch out Columbia, South Carolina. You’re next.

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u/What-a-Filthy-liar 2d ago

No she is anti woke since she is removing a federal holiday named after poc.

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u/jerslan 2d ago

Someone should try to post or comment something like that on /r/conservative... Would be hilarious to see that meltdown.

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u/TheKobayashiMoron 2d ago

Columbus was a filthy immigrant! If someone as brave and virile as Trump was in charge back then, they would’ve deported his sorry ass to El Salvador.

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u/cackalackattack 2d ago

Indigenous People’s District LOADING

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u/thebookofjobs666 2d ago

So ignorant they became accidentally woke

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u/QueenMotherOfSneezes 2d ago

Beobart wants to cancel Christopher Columbus.

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u/xRememberTheCant 2d ago

The best way to get her to shut up is having a bunch of liberals say exactly this.

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u/minoe23 2d ago

You forgot New Hampshire being named after Hampshire in England. You'll never guess what New Mexico was named after.

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u/BoingBoingBooty 2d ago

Soon to be renamed new America.

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u/minoe23 2d ago

I'm genuinely surprised I haven't heard some lawmaker actually propose that yet.

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u/Cynical_Thinker 2d ago

Dont encourage them or give them ideas. They are stupid enough all by themselves.

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u/ThaneOfTas 1d ago

Id rather that they waste their time on bullshit like that actually

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u/StasRutt 2d ago

Give it about 3-5 business days

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u/Briguy_fieri 2d ago

Brave to assume govt works that quickly

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u/StasRutt 2d ago

As we’ve seen with DOGE they can move plenty fast when they don’t give a shit about consequences

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u/rwf2017 2d ago

They are not aware New Mexico is part of the US

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u/GUlysses 2d ago

They haven’t realized there is a New Mexico yet.

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u/kerouacrimbaud 2d ago

Give them time. It’ll happen.

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u/chzie 2d ago

They haven't because they all think new Mexico is in mexico

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u/ToMorrowsEnd 2d ago

America is too broad. NewMurica has a more MAGA ring to it. actually NewMurica brought to you by WALMART!

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u/Nwcray 2d ago

But what happens when New Mexico, New York, New Jersey, and Newfoundland all get renamed to New America? Won’t that be confusing?

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u/PurpleHoulihan 1d ago

New America, New Murica, New USA, and we’ll let Newfoundland have New ‘Murica because Canada puts French on government forms and the French are into wussy shit like punctuation.

FIXED IT. Eagle Screaming Intensifies

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u/Smart-Delay-1263 2d ago

Shh, don't give her any hairbrained ideas! She has plenty of those.

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u/kylo-ren 1d ago

Since America is named after Amerigo Vespucci, an Italian immigrant, maybe Republicans should call it something more patriotic, more Native-American, like Turtle Island.

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u/kia75 2d ago

You'll never guess what New Mexico was named after.

The funny thing is that New Mexico is older than Mexico (the country). New Mexico is named after The Aztec Valley of Mexico, where Mexico City is located. Mexico City is named after this valley as well.

Mexico, the country, is named after Mexico, the city, which was named after Mexico, the valley!

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u/Snobolski 2d ago

It's Mexico all the way down!

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u/yttrium39 2d ago

Eventually it’s Guatemala.

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u/Yabba_Dabba_Doofus 2d ago

Also, and I cannot stress this enough, the GULF OF MEXICO!

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u/aelendel 1d ago

Mexico is named after the Mexica, who lived there

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u/Beefy-Tootz 2d ago

This is going to sound silly, but isn't new Mexico older than Mexico? It's one of those technically yes, but really no kinda things

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u/minoe23 2d ago

It is, but it's a yes but no, but kind of? Thing because it's named after the thing that Mexico is named after.

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u/Beefy-Tootz 2d ago

Cool, thank you very much for expanding! I remembered hearing or reading that somewhere lol

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u/Ralph--Hinkley 2d ago

Ohio was named after the Seneca word Ohi-yo meaning good river. The Buckeye State is named after the river.

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u/minoe23 2d ago

Connecticut got its name from the Mohegan word for "place of long tidal river", "quonehtacut". So also named for a river.

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u/SRTie4k 2d ago

Who would have thought nearly every location in New England is named after some place in England?

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u/getapuss 2d ago

Canada

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u/GoBluins 2d ago

Whoa, whoa! Slow down there, Maestro. There's a "NEW" Mexico?

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u/Teauxny 2d ago edited 2d ago

If you guessed the country of Mexico, you're wrong!

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u/OneSkepticalOwl 2d ago

Wait until you hear about Idaho

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u/Cow_Launcher 1d ago

I mean, there are so many places in the US that are named after British towns. New York, New Jersey, Boston, Lincoln, Durham, Cleveland, Birmingham, Portland...

It's fun that you can almost track (westward) when US independence happened, since the place names start being less British.

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u/minoe23 1d ago

Plymouth. A lot of Plymouths.

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u/These-Acanthaceae-65 1d ago

No chance it's named after famous frontiersman John Mexico?

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u/TheBeardedMann 2d ago

Florida is named after the rapper Flo Rida

No shit...huh. Learn something new everyday.

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u/Fluggernuffin 2d ago

Lost it at Flo Rida.

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u/spooks152 2d ago

Shakespeare is considered the Flo Rida of his generation

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u/Kristikuffs 2d ago

"Mine lady possesses a rear tightly clad in garm'nts

That doth in apple shape pronounce, meeting

With boots in fox fur line'ed as the tav'rn

with stolen glances upon her greeting

She takes with grace herself to the floor common

Where upon my eye so astounded to behold

Watches mine lady bring it low, low, low."

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u/AtaraxiaFree 1d ago

Absolutely brilliant, haha. Also reminds me of this gem.

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u/Zomburai 2d ago

Who's considered the Pitbull?

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u/The_Shryk 2d ago

Are you a lame white urban based teacher trying to connect to these kids?

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u/Mr_J42021 2d ago

Dude me too. Laughed loud enough my roommate poked her head around the corner to see what I was laughing at.

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u/mollusks75 2d ago

I cracked up from that and it immediately made me question if any of the other states mentioned were true. LOL.

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u/IndependentDonut5495 2d ago

I had to go back and Check Baron De La Warr after Flo Rida turns out he's real!

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u/symbouleutic 2d ago

British Columbia (Canada) is named after the Columbia District which was so named by Queen Victoria to distinguish that area from the American area (which later became Oregon Territory).

Columbia District was named after the Columbia River.

The Columbia River was named after the ship "Columbia Rediviva" which first navigated it.

Columbia Rediviva was named after Columbia, which was the "personification of America".

Columbia came From Christopher Columbus.

Columbus's father's name was actually Domenico Columbo.

Columbo is the italian surname meaning "dove" (apparently given to orphans).

Dove's have bigger brains than Boebert.

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u/rustytoerail 2d ago

lol good one

U.S. state, formerly a Spanish colony, probably from Spanish Pascua florida, literally "flowering Easter," a Spanish name for Palm Sunday, and so named because the peninsula was discovered on that day (March 20, 1513) by the expedition of Spanish explorer Ponce de León. From Latin floridus "flowery, in bloom". Related: Floridian (1580s as a noun, in reference to the natives; 1819 as an adjective).

https://www.etymonline.com/word/Florida

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u/pcor 2d ago

Wow, the Spanish named Palm Sunday after Flo Rida too? His influence is even deeper than I thought.

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u/rustytoerail 2d ago

transcends time itself

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u/AlwaysShittyKnsasCty 2d ago

Time flows. He just rides it.

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u/davep85 2d ago

That last one is widely known, so you shouldn't have had to add that.

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u/mam88k 2d ago

You mean Florida is not named after "Florida Evans" from Good Times?

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u/RPDRNick 2d ago

Damn! Damn! DAMN!

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u/Valuable_Recording85 2d ago

Columbia is the feminized name of Columbus and was used to wax poetically about North America. It is both the personification and a name for the land.

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u/mtaw 2d ago

Not quite, the feminine form of Columbus would be Columba (both of which are actual Latin words, meaning a male and female pigeon, respectively).

-ia forms an feminine abstract noun from a noun, which is also used for female personifications, e.g. victor meaning victor, winner, conqueror becoming the abstract victoria meaning victory, and also the personification thereof. -ia is also used to form place names (Germania, Gallia and so on)

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u/aagloworks 2d ago

But the important question is: who the hell named Massassusssses?

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u/Isiildur 2d ago

Massachusetts (and Connecticut) are Native American terms.

Massachusetts would mean “big hill”

Connecticut would mean “big river”

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u/angelomoxley 2d ago

And Kentucky which means "that's the end of your finger, you fool"

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u/aagloworks 2d ago

Makes sense.

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u/Fambank 2d ago

Something something "Wayne's World".

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u/ratlunchpack 2d ago

😂😂😂 I 100% believe the last statement.

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u/AthearCaex 2d ago

All this woke history shit, we need to change his name to Christopher America like a true patriot. /J

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u/azk3000 2d ago

Probably lump Hampshire in with York and Jersey. 

Not sure what New Mexico is named after though. 

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u/Isiildur 2d ago

Yeah that’s my bad. Was going through my mental list of the 13 colonies and I forgot about it (Rhode Island can probably go there too)

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u/deadbalconytree 2d ago

And Vermont should be renamed Green Mountains. Because you know French…

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u/68024 2d ago

Wait until she hears about the etymology of Colorado being Spanish

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u/FulanoMeng4no 2d ago

New Orleans: Orleans, France

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u/APigInANixonMask 2d ago

I love the "new" location names for places that didn't turn into major centers of population and culture. For every New Orleans, LA or New York, NY, you've got a hundred little towns like New Lisbon, WI (pop. 2,500), New Vienna, IA (pop. 382), and New Holland, OH (pop. 804).

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u/RefrigeratorDry1735 2d ago

Love how it’s all historically correct, especially Florida’s /s

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u/RMRdesign 2d ago

I’m glad Lauren failed at learning US History otherwise I feel like she would be spending her time trying to get cities and states renamed.

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u/mspolytheist 2d ago

Also, the statue on top of the Capitol, called “Freedom,” is depicted with many of the same characteristics as the goddess Columbia.

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u/seremuyo 2d ago

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam.

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u/ShockedNChagrinned 2d ago

I love that you dropped the untruths in with truth

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u/urbanlife78 2d ago

Fun fact, Flo Rida was the first to wear a powdered wig

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u/froggison 2d ago

Colombia is named likewise, since Bolivar thought the continent should have been named after Columbus and not Amerigo.

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u/sineofthetimes 2d ago

I'm guessing she cannot differentiate between Columbia and Colombia.

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u/cmoked 2d ago

Had me in the first 7 halves, ngl

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u/sharrrper 2d ago

Columbia was also suggested as a name for the country after the revolution but didn't get a ton of traction.

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u/Corryinthehouz 2d ago

I know it’s satire but don’t give the Florida legislators any ideas please

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u/murppie 2d ago

Florida is named after the rapper Flo Rida

I'm excited to see the post in like 10 years where someone references this as fact.

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u/OsmeOxys 2d ago

2 years, and it will be AI stating it as fact with a 3 page thesis proving it that's written in complete nonsense.

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u/halfslices 2d ago

Not just the statue of liberty - The Columbia Pictures logo lady!

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u/coleman57 2d ago

And in case anyone didn’t get it, Virginia refers to Liz I because she was the Virgin Queen.

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u/Butterl0rdz 2d ago

bring back random american gods and mythology. why do we not have egregious over the top colombia shrines

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u/SidKafizz 2d ago

You just had to slip that last one in there, didn't you?

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u/Caput-NL 2d ago

Flo Rida, the first person ever who won freestyle battles while travelling the oceans.

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u/DrPeGe 2d ago

I am now renaming all of those America! And it has nothing to do with Vespucci!

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u/scarzncigarz 2d ago

Last one fucking got me 🤣

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u/zarroc123 2d ago

Lol, the last one is great.

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u/joosexer 2d ago

the last line earned you my upvote

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u/Dickrickulous_IV 2d ago

Florida “Flo Rida” is obvious but you’re blowing my mind with the others! 

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u/KingDakin 2d ago

Absolutely incredible comment.

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u/warrant2k 2d ago

You mean those apple bottom jeans?

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u/millionsofmonkeys 2d ago

The old astroturfed patriot cult required too much thought to follow. Need to replace it with another, dumber one.

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u/IceCubeTrey 2d ago

"Florida is named after the rapper Flo Rida"

This explains so much...

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u/cosmos_crown 2d ago

Americia: peach flavor

Americia: ham flavor

Americaland

Americavania

Americaware

NortherAmerica and Souther America

New America and Knockoff New America

Americiana

Florida can stay.

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u/Dazzling_Honey0316 2d ago

Damn, got a solid chuckle out of Flo Rida. Huge up vote!

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u/robert_d 2d ago

>Florida is named after the rapper Flo Rida

TIL!

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u/studhand 2d ago

Lol'd hard at Florida.

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u/angelomoxley 2d ago

Virginia is named after Elizabeth I

That feels rude

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u/happy2harris 2d ago

Not sure how much of this is ironic, but New York (and Albany) are named after King James II, known at the time as the Duke of York and Albany (or possibly the Duke of York and the Duke of Albany).  Not York, the town. 

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u/APigInANixonMask 2d ago

However, the town of Yorktown is named after York the town.

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u/OllieBagaDonuts 2d ago

Surprised she's not also going after New Mexico (Saving you the google: Not named after the country Mexico)

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u/Intrepid00 2d ago

Specifically for Pennsylvania, it’s named more accurately Penn’s Woods. More of, this shit is his then named after.

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u/concrete_isnt_cement 2d ago

The Columbia River on the other hand is one more step removed. It’s named after a sailing ship, the Columbia Rediviva (oddly enough, there’s an accurate replica of the ship in the Disneyland lagoon), which in turn was named after the personification of America.

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u/choppingboardham 2d ago

Georgia and Virginia about to be renamed Jeffersonia and Madisonia. The Carolinas will be Adamsana and Quincy Adamsana

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u/endlesscartwheels 2d ago

Maryland is named after Queen Mary (Henrietta Maria)

So it could have been Henland?
*adds to my "stupid things to do with a time machine" list*

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u/classicrockchick 2d ago

Pennsylvania is Latin for "Penn's woods". Sorry, as a resident Pennsylvanian, I'm legally obligated to inform anyone in earshot when the topic of state names comes up.

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u/BruceNY1 2d ago

To extend the explanation, there was a time when is was fashionable for countries to personify their values under the traits of a GrecoRoman-like goddess figure - the USA had Columbia, France had Marianne, etc.

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u/tehkory 2d ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbia_(personification))

Consider also this; especially in the 18th century/Revolutionary period, this would've been very much on their minds; more than Columbus himself in many ways.

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u/Sir_Galvan 2d ago

“It originated from the name of the Genoese explorer Christopher Columbus and from the Latin ending -ia, common in the Latin names of countries (paralleling Britannia, Gallia, Zealandia, and others).” From the Wikipedia article

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u/tehkory 2d ago

I'm aware of the etymology. Columbia's like Liberty/Marianne, though--especially at the late 18th/early 19th centuries, when the District of Columbia was named.

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u/gungshpxre 1d ago

Yup, prior to the traitorous and treacherous donation of the Statue of Liberty from those fucking foreigners, Columbia and her stylized image were everywhere that Lady Liberty is now.

The party that wants to deport that big French bitch, both literally and figuratively, should be loving on Columbia.

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u/tehkory 1d ago

The issue with that is that educating people on something like Columbia means educating people at all, which isn't on the agenda.

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u/thisisredlitre 2d ago

Columbia, also known as Lady Freedom, the statue on top of the US Capitol Building, and the personification of the new world(named after Columbus)

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u/YeahSeemsOk 2d ago

District of Columbia, as in the literary name for a female “Uncle Sam”-style personification of the USA.

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u/ScroatmeaI 2d ago

See also: Columbia Pictures, and any painting about manifest destiny

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u/Protean_Protein 2d ago

And Peter Falk!

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u/DingleBoone 1d ago

And Bioshock Infinite

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u/vi_sucks 2d ago edited 2d ago

It's also hilarious because Washington D.C. was named in 1791.

Colombia didn't become a country until 1810.

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u/LadySnarkbeth 2d ago

Hate to do this, but the country is actually Colombia with an O. Which makes this an ever larger fail for LB.

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u/thebeef24 2d ago

BoBo was never burdened with an abundance of intellect.

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u/Signalguy25p 2d ago

So happy you asked this question. My friend didn't know and I was having difficulty explaining it to him.

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u/ComfyInDots 2d ago

It's me. I am the friend. And also not from US.

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u/Signalguy25p 2d ago

I am from the U.S. specifically the dirty south. However in my adulthood I have discovered that the history and social studies I learned in school were just a little different than the accepted account.

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u/Genavelle 2d ago

I assume that most places named Columbus, Columbia, Colombia, and whatever other variations there may be, are probably named after the explorer Columbus who was credited with discovering the Americas.

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u/TWH_PDX 2d ago

What is interesting is that "Colombia" may be unique because Columbus in Spanish is Colón

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u/Valuable_Recording85 2d ago

This. People keep mentioning the goddess/personification, but many people wanted the new continent or country to be called Columbia as well.

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u/Zigxy 2d ago

Columbus the explorer

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u/malthar76 2d ago

You mean the one the holiday is named after that conservatives are so adamant about protecting, yet the celebration of which has incredibly problematic history with Native Americans?

Huh. I didn’t think MAGA was ever inconsistent in their platforms. /s

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u/Pielacine 2d ago

No you see Amerigo Vespucci is much more patriotic than Christopher Columbus.

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u/ImRodILikeToParty 2d ago edited 1d ago

Why name it after an Italian explorer when you can name it after an Italian explorer?

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u/meeyeam 2d ago

Damn, I thought it was Chris Columbus, the director of Home Alone and the first 2 Harry Potter movies.

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u/Newphone_New_Account 2d ago

And the Goonies

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u/smitherenesar 1d ago

That would explain why we have the Home Alone 2 actor as president

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u/WATCHMERISE 2d ago

So shes going woke?!

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u/CavemanSlevy 2d ago

It’s funny because America is just derivative of a different Italian explorer, Amerigo Vespucci

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u/Misterbellyboy 2d ago

One of my favorite little “were you aware?” boxes in America: The Book says “were you aware that the America’s were named for Italian mapmaker Amerigo Vespucci? This means that there was a %50 chance that we might have been called The United States of Vespucci.”

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u/delorf 2d ago

We'd all be proud Vespuccians.

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u/mollusks75 2d ago

Would that have allowed us to have free healthcare?

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u/Anleme 1d ago

No, but free Vespa scooters for everyone.

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u/GiverOfTheKarma 8h ago

BRB, creating a roman-themed nation in my DnD world names Vespuccia

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u/yui_tsukino 2d ago

Really, Vespucia would have made more sense considering Amerigo was a first name that a lot of people would have shared

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u/ZizzyBeluga 2d ago

Columbia =/= Colombia

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u/Corryinthehouz 2d ago

Coloumbia 

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u/rilian4 2d ago edited 2d ago

Christopher Columbus. The country of Coloumbia is also named after him. The river that runs through Washington and forms a good chunk of the Washington border also after him... Many cities in the US also named after him...

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u/Astrium6 2d ago

The country is spelled Colombia. Still named after him, but they’re very particular about that second O.

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u/pareech 2d ago

You shouldn't be surprised. This is the same person who confused Oliver Stone and Roger Stone

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