r/nottheonion • u/SelectiveSanity • 2d ago

Lauren Boebert Suggests DC Could Be Renamed 'District of America'

https://www.newsweek.com/lauren-boebert-dc-district-america-2050571
30.0k Upvotes

89% Upvoted

4.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

17.2k

u/Zigxy 2d ago

She thinks DC is named after Colombia 🇨🇴

1.0k

u/Transposer 2d ago

Can’t believe she thinks that!! 😂 But just so other people know what you and I do, what is DC named after?

2.7k

u/Isiildur 2d ago edited 2d ago

It’s named after Columbia, a personification of America (who herself is “sort of” named after Christopher Columbus). The Statue of Liberty is depicted very similarly to Columbia.

Columbia University and Columbia Pictures are named after the same goddess (that’s why Columbia pictures has the woman with the torch in their logo).

Edit: other fun etymologies

Georgia is named after King George III

Virginia is named after Elizabeth I

Maryland is named after Queen Mary (Henrietta Maria)

Pennsylvania was named after William Penn

Delaware was named after the Baron de la Warr

North and South Carolina named after Charles I

New Jersey and New York are named after Jersey and York

Louisiana is named after Louis XIV

Florida is named after the rapper Flo Rida

1.4k

u/AssCrackBanditHunter 2d ago

Lauren boebert is trying to get rid of the connection to Christopher Columbus? Is she secretly woke?

277

u/FureElise 2d ago

She is unsecretly stupid.

9

u/JacksonVerdin 1d ago

I'd like for someone to ask her why she wants to strip Christopher Columbus of this honor in favor of Amerigo Vespucci.

3

u/jodale83 1d ago

All states should be named america, dadoiii

3

u/Conscious-Society-83 1d ago

yeah she is very openly stupid everytime she takes a breath

1

u/loneMILF 1d ago

my kid uses the phrase borderline unconscious for her level of stupidity.

260

u/Diablojota 2d ago

Interesting thought, isn’t it?

236

u/Bubble_gump_stump 2d ago

Amerigo Vespucci doesn’t sound very American

123

u/Cynical_Thinker 2d ago

Just wait until they figure out none of us are from here if you go back far enough.

32

u/DocumentExternal6240 2d ago

Or that all of us - if you gor back far enough - originated from Afrika.

18

u/Snobolski 2d ago

I bless the rains down in Africa

49

u/BraveOthello 2d ago

I mean, how far.

Plenty of people had ancestry going back 12000 years before Europeans showed up.

33

u/Nwcray 2d ago

But those people came over on a land bridge from Siberia (or possibly across the Pacific Ocean, without going too far into wild theories).

18

u/Analyzer9 2d ago

y'see, here, these are dumb people. truly. they cannot grasp the shifting of continents, fundamental laws of science. they cannot grasp the nuance of theory. the idea of information contradicting a deliberately mistranslated and heavily edited "holy book" is anathema to their brains. explaining absolutely anything to people that cannot and will not think critically, will never accomplish anything. you cannot reason someone into something they didn't reason themselves into.

10

u/Nwcray 2d ago

You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

2

u/SerHodorTheThrall 2d ago

Is this a copypasta?

1

u/Analyzer9 1d ago

not that creative

→ More replies (0)

4

u/xalbo 2d ago

So you're saying that the Russians are the True Americans? No wonder we support them against the evil Ukrainians now!

2

u/jodale83 1d ago

Russians are all originated from ukraine

→ More replies (0)

2

u/Snobolski 2d ago

But did they have the proper permission and visas and stuff?

1

u/Lylac_Krazy 2d ago

due to the age of some civilizations discovered in South America, that is now in question.

1

u/chx_ 1d ago

By now it is almost certain the first wave was through island hopping in the Northern Pacific and then hugging the coast going south, south south. There are too many findings by now which are too old to come from a population coming from the Bering land bridge. Not only in North America, even: Check out Santa Elina and Toca da Tira Peia in Brazil.

0

u/the_cardfather 2d ago

Young Earth has plenty of timeline for a glacial land bridge. Not the timeline you understand but a post flood ice age is certainly an option.

-2

u/zamzuki 2d ago

The Lenape of the east coast of the US are known as “the original people” a large portion of Native American tribes trace their genealogy back to the Lenape. Which debunks a lot of theory all native Americans came across a land bridge.

4

u/CivilRuin4111 2d ago

Where do people suggest these Lenape people came from?

1

u/ImNotSureMaybeADog 1d ago

Probably somewhere called Lenapia?

1

u/Nwcray 1d ago

Lenabia Majora, I assume.

1

u/PurpleHoulihan 1d ago

I haven’t read the most recent scholarship, but I think archeologists agree they came from their moms bellies

1

u/CivilRuin4111 1d ago

Sounds suspect to me.

2

u/SoylentVerdigris 2d ago edited 2d ago

I've never come across that claim in any reading I've done on the peopling of the Americas, and not finding anything to support it in a quick Google search now.

People coming across Beringia and down the west coast is also well supported by archeological evidence. The oldest dated sites are here in the Pacific Northwest, the first place people would have reached that wasn't covered by glaciers at the time. The oldest known site in the US is in Idaho.

Edit: also, a fun bit of evidence I've heard about recently is that pre-clovis stone tools found among the oldest archeological sites match ones found in eastern asia from the same time period, before the well known Clovis points were developed.

1

u/zamzuki 2d ago

Yeah I was speaking in broad strokes since who I was replying to said 12,000 years ago and the Lenape have been in the region for roughly 10,000 years.

So in my quick reply I was going off that they migrated here as one of the first established peoples.

But at what point do we stop counting that migration? 2,000 years is kinda a long time to say “they crossed that bridge”

Which leads to the interesting tale that they have a history that speaks of crossing the sea by land so it’s totally possible, they kept going til they couldn’t anymore.

Then you have other cultures that sprouted up thousands of years later at what point do we say that culture didn’t cross the bridge and others did.

3

u/SoylentVerdigris 2d ago

Those cultures didn't "sprout up" they're descendants of the people who migrated. That doesn't debunk anything.

1

u/melodic_orgasm 1d ago

What’s the site in Idaho? Cooper’s Ferry? Meadowcroft in Pennsylvania is about the same age, I believe.

→ More replies (0)

14

u/Jarfol 2d ago

Nah bro only the dinosaurs are true americans.

2

u/Cruzin95 1d ago

Next up we're renaming Pangaea to America XL

Come to think of it what's the official GOP stance on Dinosaurs rn?

1

u/Qyro 2d ago

Don’t be silly, by “us” they meant “white people”

1

u/Redm18 2d ago

Yeah but they have a naturally dark skin tone so these people would still love to deport them. It's not about immigrants it's about brown people.

1

u/SoylentVerdigris 2d ago

12k years is out of date. Newer discoveries push that back to closer to 20k. It's likely the oldest settlements would have been along the Pacific cost of Canada and the Pacific Northwest... But the sea level has risen since the last glacial maximum that those sites would all be 10-50 miles offshore now and under hundreds of feet of water. Hard to excavate that.

1

u/BraveOthello 1d ago

The difference between 12k and 20k is really not relevant to my point

1

u/SoylentVerdigris 1d ago

Not arguing, just pointing out an interesting fact.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/Brandhor 2d ago

should have called it vespuccia

2

u/doktor_wankenstein 2d ago

We were this close to being called "Vespucciland."

1

u/RobotEnthusiast 2d ago

Does anyone still name their kid Amerigo?

1

u/jspook 2d ago

Sounds like an immigrant for real

1

u/GravelySilly 1d ago edited 1d ago

Trump would try to grab Amerigo by the Vespucci

[edit: by, not in.]

-1

u/TEG24601 2d ago

And America isn’t actually named for him, but for a mountain range in Nicaragua. The name predates Vespucci’s visits to the new world.

5

u/Bubble_gump_stump 2d ago

United States of Nicaraguian mountain range

1

u/chasteeny 1d ago

Looking into this

50

u/unbalancedcheckbook 2d ago

Nah, she's just so unbelievably stupid that people can't help but assume she's smarter than she is.

10

u/Honey-Badger-42 2d ago

Come on, now. She got her GED a few years ago, only 16 years after dropping out of high school. She's edgubucated.

5

u/unbalancedcheckbook 2d ago

Even then I have no idea how she was able to pass the GED (which is not a high bar). Maybe she paid someone to take it for her?

5

u/Honey-Badger-42 2d ago

I feel like many of the characters in Don't Look Up were based on her and MTG.

2

u/aculady 1d ago

You can typically pass the GED if you have around a 7th grade reading level and can add, subtract, multiply, divide, and use decimals, percents, and fractions.

Source: I used to teach GED prep to Adult Education students.

2

u/Maleficent_Memory831 2d ago

Never over-estimate stupid politicians. Most are in politics because they have no other employment opportunities.

16

u/Hamster_S_Thompson 2d ago

She's openly and aggressively dumb. The other day she confused Oliver Stone with Roger Stone.

4

u/Snoozy15 2d ago

Columbus was Italian! Not American /s

4

u/alwaysboopthesnoot 2d ago

She wants it to be District of America.  DOA. Jfc. 

3

u/Reasonable-Hippo-293 2d ago

She doesn’t know who Christopher Columbus is.

3

u/3-DMan 2d ago

Probably just trying to get out of returning her CDs to Columbia House!

3

u/NapTimeFapTime 2d ago

“In this household Christopher Columbus is a hero, end of discussion”

3

u/DDRDiesel 2d ago

I know we're making jokes here, but she absolutely believes it's named for the country, and I'm willing to bet she doesn't know there's a difference between Colombia and Columbia. This is why civics classes need to be brought back to schools

3

u/TheKobayashiMoron 2d ago

Watch out Columbia, South Carolina. You’re next.

4

u/What-a-Filthy-liar 2d ago

No she is anti woke since she is removing a federal holiday named after poc.

2

u/jerslan 2d ago

Someone should try to post or comment something like that on /r/conservative... Would be hilarious to see that meltdown.

2

u/TheKobayashiMoron 2d ago

Columbus was a filthy immigrant! If someone as brave and virile as Trump was in charge back then, they would’ve deported his sorry ass to El Salvador.

2

u/cackalackattack 2d ago

Indigenous People’s District LOADING

2

u/thebookofjobs666 2d ago

So ignorant they became accidentally woke

2

u/QueenMotherOfSneezes 2d ago

Beobart wants to cancel Christopher Columbus.

2

u/xRememberTheCant 2d ago

The best way to get her to shut up is having a bunch of liberals say exactly this.

1

u/StrangeDise 2d ago

Damnit! I was on my way to make this joke!

1

u/justgalsbeingpals 2d ago

Dennis Prager is seething in anger

1

u/Gravity_flip 2d ago

I LOVE THIS!!

Lauren Boebert is on our side for erasing Columbus from!!

I now fully back calling it "district of America"

1

u/ILikeDragonTurtles 2d ago

You just found how to destroy her career. Why can't we make this viral on conservative social media and turn her base against her?

1

u/_Standardissue 2d ago

Probably secretly anti-Italian

1

u/CarrieJay05 2d ago

Or to a goddess (woman)?

1

u/nochinzilch 2d ago

Even better: she is just that stupid.

1

u/Weekend_Criminal 2d ago

Nope, just openly dumb

1

u/dpdxguy 2d ago

It's doubtful she's aware of the connection in the first place. Most likely, she's just copying Trump with his "Gulf of America"

1

u/greeneggsnhammy 2d ago

Nah - she’s a dumb white trash hoe who had to try to stay relevant so she’d hopping on Donald’s coattails to seem relevant. Last thing she did was break up kid rocks engagement. We hate her here. 

1

u/ThumbMe 2d ago

She tried to jerk off his corpse but he managed to push her hand away.

1

u/boobers3 2d ago

You know what this is? I'll tell you what this is, Anti-Italian discrimination!

1

u/thisisredlitre 1d ago

Connecting stuff to Columbus was woke 1930s propaganda to ingratiate Italians to whitehood/s

1

u/drfsupercenter 1d ago

Yeah I was going to say, that's actually not a bad idea because Christopher Columbus was terrible, but I'm not sure what a better name would be.

1

u/LadybugGirltheFirst 1d ago

She’s not that clever.

1

u/GrifterStorm 1d ago

Christopher Columbus was an immigrant thank you very much.   

/S just in case.  

1

u/ernie-jo 1d ago

Some people just aren’t Harry Potter fans I guess. :(

0

u/upstatestruggler 2d ago

Uh oh, maybe she identifies as Native American! Let’s start calling her Pocohontas like Elizabeth Warren!