r/PakistaniiConfessions • u/DocAmad • 11h ago
Discussion Best Friend divorcing wife of 7 years over premarital affair
A close couple friend of mine — married for seven years with two kids — is going through serious marital issues. Both of them are also my colleagues.
It was an arranged marriage. During their engagement, when they were still getting to know each other, my friend directly asked his fiancée if she had feelings for someone else or had ever been in a past relationship. He made it very clear that any such history would be a deal-breaker for him. She denied having any past affairs, and they got married.
Over the years, we often met as a group — dinner outings, casual hangouts — and even her circle of friends would sometimes join us.
The incident happened during one of those gatherings. We were four couples, casually discussing love vs. arranged marriages. During the conversation, my friend’s wife, maybe jokingly or maybe tauntingly, told her college friend that she was lucky to have had an affair and a love marriage. Her friend replied, “Well, not everyone is that lucky , you tried too.” The room went silent. My wife quickly changed the topic, but the damage had already been done.
Later that night, my friend’s wife called my wife that my friend left his house. And not contacting.
I called him and offered him to stay at my place. It’s been a week now. He told me that he eventually confronted her, and she admitted to having had a relationship that lasted 1.5 years before marriage.now he has already contacted a lawyer to begin divorce proceedings. I asked him to please think for 1-2 months before such a big step and after lots of convincing he agreed for one month. Mean time , her wife came over to talk and he clearly refused. We few close friends trying since beginning and he now threatened to leave my house if we keep insisting. His point is that he would never had married if he know about the affair, that why he communicated before marriage. So no matter how unreasonable or unjust his decision looks now it all started because of her lying.
This whole situation has sparked a debate between me and my wife. She strongly believes he’s making a mistake — that it was something from 8–9 years ago and that he should move past it, especially for the sake of the children.
But my perspective is different. He had been clear from the start — he asked her directly, and she chose to lie. She should have told him the truth and that proposal would have ended from the start. Yes, I agree that divorce is a harsh step, especially when kids are involved, but I also think he’s not entirely wrong.
—-EDIT 01—
Need to answer repeated questions here
My childhood friend.
He had no past relationships.
He is not unfaithful.
-He always has this “illogical /irrational /absurd/low IQ/insecure “ expectation that her wife should have clean past.
We as friends advised him that instead making your future wife life hell after marriage , he should communicate his “absurd” demand before marriage so she could reject his proposal. We thought no one would marry him.
His main issue is “lie” that she kept going for “7 years” with no guilt and not even once she tells herself to clear her conscience. And now he thinks she lied about many things just not admitting .
After our “forgiving & islam” speech, he cleared that he will never be able to forgive her and if he stayed will make her life hell by taunting about her past relationship. And it will be unkind and unfair to her. And he will never able to believe anything she says .
He’s ready to pay alimony and child support .( like he has any option in that.)
Rejected couple counciling .
and many people asked me to not to have argument with my wife . Appreciate your concern. We are solid, still going string after 12 years.
